RUSU - We Exist

Bi*phobia and Bi* erasure are ever-present in today's society. People who identify as Bi* are bombarded with endless stereotypes ('greedy', 'promiscuous', 'indecisive') or sometimes they are made to feel like they don't even exist. This has to end. Reading University Students' Union are running a campaign called 'We Exist' to highlight the issues that Bi* people face and give them a platform to express them. We are inviting people to share stories (anonymously) of times their identity has been invalidated. What is Bi*? Send your story Via an Ask ( limited characters) Send your story Via the submit function (Longer form than an ask)

[rusuweexist]

“Being pansexual does not make me "edgy" or mean that I belong on tumblr or that I am a slut or that I am so ugly the only way I can get a decent man is to promise him a three way, it means I love everyone equally and gender doesn't matter. Planning to marry a man does not mean it was "just a phase" or that I am conforming to gender stereotypes or letting feminism down, it means I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. Rant over.”

[biwomensupport]

This post is going to explore how biphobia, misogyny, and rape culture intersect at an institutional level to cause the disproportionate rates of sexual violence seen against bisexual women.

Trigger warnings: discussion of rape, corrective rape, sexual assault, sexual harassment, intimate partner violence, abuse, victim blaming, depression, PTSD, suicide, and some graphic examples of biphobic victim blaming

Bisexual women have the highest rates of rape and sexual assault

Bisexual women have a 46.1% chance of being forcibly raped. This rate is 2.6 times higher than straight women and 3.5 times higher than lesbian women. Bisexual women also have a 74.9% chance of being coercively raped or sexually assaulted. This rate is 1.7 times higher than straight women and 1.6 times higher than lesbian women (source).

78% of bisexual women report lifetime sexual victimization. Bisexual women report more severe adult victimization and significantly greater rates of revictimization (source).

So why is this happening?

Bisexual women are hypersexualized. We are stereotyped as promiscuous, slutty, dirty, and always interested in sexual attention. Men are taught by our culture to view bisexual women as sexual objects whose purpose is to fulfill their sexual desires, making it that much easier to disrespect bisexual women’s consent and justify sexual violence against us. This is closely tied to the victim blaming stereotypes that are used to invalidate any victim who can be viewed as too sexual and therefore not a valid victim. As Shiri Eisner put it, “what we have to say about [sexual attention], and whether or not we want to be sexual with anyone, just doesn’t matter. Because our bisexuality is made out to be not about us, but about cishet men” (source).

Bisexual women are fetishized. We are seen as sexual objects, as walking porn fantasies, as one-third of a threesome, rather than actual human beings. This causes sexual harassment, sexual assault, abuse, and rape that are specific to (one-male, two-female) threesome fantasies. Bi women frequently report experiences of men soliciting them for threesomes the moment they discover their bisexual identity, which is a form of degrading sexual harassment. Bi women report similar experiences with online dating profiles, even if their profile explicitly states that they are not interested in threesomes. Bi women are also coerced or forced into threesomes because of this.

Other biphobic stereotypes about bi women contribute to sexual assault. For example, we are also stereotyped as pretending to be bisexual specifically for men’s attention, which frames things like sexual harassment, assault, and rape as forms of “attention” that we wanted to receive.

Bi women are sometimes correctively raped. Corrective rape is a hate crime in which someone is raped because of their sexual orientation or gender identity. Bisexual women experience corrective rape as a form of punishment for being bisexual, usually with the goal of making them heterosexual.

Although much of this is related to the way men (especially cis, straight men) are taught to view bisexual women, and although most of the sexual violence against bisexual women is perpetrated by men, people of any gender are capable of believing these stereotypes and perpetuating sexual violence against bisexual women.

Bisexual women have the highest rates of intimate partner violence

Bisexual people report significantly higher rates of emotional, financial, sexual, and physical intimate partner violence compared to gay and lesbian people (source).

49.3% of bisexual women are victims of severe physical intimate partner violence. Bisexual women have a 61.1% lifetime prevalence of rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner (source).

Why?

Abusers tend to target marginalized people, period. Marginalized people are already in a position to have lower self-esteem, be less likely to have supportive friends, family, and communities, have less access to services like counseling and healthcare, be more likely to be treated poorly if they report, and on and on. This is painfully true for bisexuals, because we are not only unsupported by society at large but also often rejected from gay and lesbian spaces and denied their support.

Abusive partners sometimes use biphobia to perpetuate sexual violence against their bisexual partners. Abusers might coerce or force their bisexual partners into unwanted sexual acts or threesomes because they are bisexual and they’re “supposed” to want to do those things. Some abusers force their bisexual partners into unwanted open or polyamorous relationships, or expect their bisexual partners to tolerate cheating. 

Abusers draw on society’s biphobic narratives to reinforce and legitimize their abuse. For example, it’s common for abusers to say abusive things to their victims like this: “I know you’re cheating on me.” “No one else will ever love you.” “I know you’re lying to me.” But watch how the abuse is strengthened by biphobia: “I know you’re cheating on me, because everyone knows bisexuals are cheaters.” “No one else will ever love you, because no one wants to date a bisexual.” “I know you’re lying, because bisexuals aren’t trustworthy.” And sometimes, biphobia itself is the abuse. “You have to call yourself straight/gay/lesbian if you’re going to be with me.” “I will out you as bisexual if you don’t [do this].” When a bi person being abused hears the same biphobic stereotypes they’ve heard their whole life, it’s not just coming from their abuser - it feels like the whole world agrees. It’s a strategy to make victims feel even more powerless.

Bisexual women have the lowest rates of social support after disclosing victimization

(source)

Bisexual women have low social support to begin with. Bisexual people have less social support from family and friends (source). Bisexual people are less likely to be out of the closet than gay and lesbian people (source). Bisexual women and lesbians have comparable rates of mental distress in non-urban areas, but while lesbian women’s mental distress lowers significantly in urban areas, bisexual women’s nearly double. Researchers believe this is because of the lack of social support for bisexual women from lesbian and gay communities (source).

Biphobic stereotypes about bisexual women create barriers to social support after disclosing trauma. For example, we are stereotyped as untrustworthy liars, which leads to people being less likely to believe or support bi women survivors. The stereotypes of bisexual women as promiscuous and slutty lead to victim-blaming and the belief that either we were not raped or that it was our fault. The stereotype that bisexual women are lying for attention, combined with the widespread belief that women lie about being raped for attention, also contributes to this.

Bisexual women are often excluded from LGBT communities and have difficulty finding bisexual communities. If they can find a community, the chances of it being a safe space for bi women survivors are quite slim. LGBT and bi communities continue to have problems addressing intra-community issues of misogyny and rape culture.

Sexual assault resources cater to cisgender straight women. LGBT recovery resources are rare, and they usually cater to cisgender gay and lesbian victims. These resources are often unhelpful for bi women, or even unsafe or hostile towards them - although bisexual women survivors report reaching out to the greatest number of formal support resources, they were the least likely to report these resources as helpful (source). There are no known rape recovery resources specifically for bisexual women, other than this blog.

Other resources, such as counseling, also often have problems of misogyny, biphobia, and rape culture. Bisexual people often report negative experiences with mental healthcare providers who view their bisexuality as a symptom of mental illness to be overcome. Bisexual people sometimes even experience conversion therapy when seeking out counseling from someone who pressures them to adopt a straight or gay identity instead of a bisexual one. In the same study mentioned above, bisexual women survivors were the most likely to speak to a psychologist, psychiatrist, or mental health professional, but, again, the least likely to report these services as helpful (source).

Bisexual women have the highest rates of depression and PTSD post-rape

(source)

Bisexual women have higher rates of mental illness to begin with. 45.4% of bisexual women have considered or attempted suicide. This compares to 34.8% for bisexual men, 29.5% for lesbian women, 25.2% for gay men, 9.6% for straight women, and 7.4% for straight men (source). Bisexual people report higher rates of anxiety, depression, suicidality, and negative affect compared to their gay and heterosexual counterparts (source).

Bi women survivors are more likely to have experiences that increase the likelihood of depression. Depression after sexual violence is often related to a lack of support, lack of access to recovery resources, feelings of isolation, and experiences of victim blaming - areas in which bisexual women are much worse off.

Similarly, bi women survivors are more likely to have experiences that lead to PTSD. PTSD after sexual violence can be related to the traumatic nature of the sexual violence itself or to retraumatizing experiences in the aftermath, and bisexual women survivors experience unique and frequent retraumatization. For example, bisexual women frequently encounter degrading and sexually objectifying language about themselves from society at large as well as from the LGBT community - bi women are described as “slutty,” “dirty,” “sexually available to men,” “cocksuckers,” “dick-worshippers,” “bihets,” and so on. Such language is sexually objectifying and misogynistic towards all bisexual women, and very triggering to those of us who have been assaulted or raped by cis men. Experiencing frequent sexual harassment like unwanted sexual attention and threesome proposals is also retraumatizing. Bisexual women also report higher rates of revictimization, which is extremely retraumatizing and associated with higher chances of developing PTSD.

The inaccessibility of mental health resources for bi women survivors makes it difficult for us to cope with and recover from mental illness.

Other reasons

Bisexual people are more likely to be disabled, transgender and people of color, meaning that disabled bisexual women, trans bisexual women, and bisexual women of color are dealing with ableism, transmisogyny, and/or racism on top of biphobia, misogyny, and rape culture. This significantly increases their chances of facing sexual violence and intimate partner violence. If they do, they are even more likely to experience depression, PTSD, and low social support. It is also important when analyzing the above statistics to keep in mind that white, cisgender, and abled bisexual women have lower chances of these negative experiences.

Bi women survivors who didn’t figure out their bisexual identity until after their trauma, or who were closeted to their abusers and rapists, are still impacted by all of this. Marginalization, even when not obvious or announced, still makes people more vulnerable to abuse and violence. Issues like low social support, inaccessible recovery resources, and higher rates of mental illness are problems for these bi women survivors as well.

Since this issue is largely invisible and misunderstood, there are no known sexual violence prevention efforts specific to bisexual women.

Resources

Bi: Notes for a Bisexual Revolution by Shiri Eisner

Shiri Eisner’s interview with the Bi Women Support Network

Healing from Rape as a Bisexual Woman

How to Find a Bi Competent Therapist

More statistics

[rusuweexist]

I just thought I'd share this. In elementary school I told my parents I thought I might be bi. My dads immediate reaction was "No, you aren't bi. Do you ever want to kiss *name of best friend*?" Of course I said no. I wasn't attracted to her at all. So I figured they were right and moved on until obviously it resurfaced later. Just because you don't want to kiss everyone doesn't mean you aren't bi. People need to stop the stereotypes! It makes it difficult for those finding themselves.

[rusuweexist]

When I was younger I always used to find other females attractive, but I could never accept this as my sexuality because "girl crushes" (especially on female celebrities) are socially accepted. This was more of a hindrance than a help, as it took me years to realise it was more than an appreciation for other women's beauty, it was actual attraction or infatuation. I could've accepted my sexuality much easier if it wasn't brushed off as "just a girl crush". I don't know if I'm alone in this

[rusuweexist]

Everyone is talking about the Ireland referendum for “gay marriage” but last I checked it was same-sex marriage... Bi* people can get married too y’know

Congrats all the same to Ireland however. It just shows the haters there is no place for them. 

[dameronfinn]

“so are you attracted to guys or girls?”

[thatawkwardbimoment]

That awkward bi moment

when you’re talking about your future with your friend and they say “who do you most likely see yourself marrying, I see you with a guy personally” and you just sit there wishing you could argue but not wanting to cause a scene. (submitted by Anon)

[rusuweexist]

I tried to tell my parents I am bi*. My mum said "but you've only ever had boyfriends!" (I guess I never got round to telling her about the girls in college... Whoops!) But my sexuality is not defined by how many guys/girls I've been with. You don't need a receipt to identify a certain way.

[rusuweexist]

My whole year shouted 'Bi' at me as I walked through town with my family. It was my best friends who started it.

[joyandpatience]

Things I want~

People to actually fucking use the word bisexual (or pansexual) when a character is polysexual, and to use the word lesbian (or gay) when a female identified character is exclusively attracted to the same/similar genders. Why? Because fucking bisexual erasure is a huge problem, BUT ALSO because invalidating lesbians who have dated men is a huge problem. If content creators would just USE THE RELEVANT WORDS we could have good representation for both of these marginalized groups please for the love of god

[rusuweexist]

I don't know about bi*, but an asterisk after trans is actually considered a transphobic umbrella for a number of reasons, but mostly because it's not changing the phrase trans to be more up to date and include non-binary etc. Which trans alone technically does nowadays! I recommend googling 'trans asterisk problematic" for a better explanation on this.

Bi* is a fairly widely-used umbrella term and is accepted amongst the community, as far as I am aware.

You are right about the discussions with trans/trans* however - I think some of the difficulties lie in what the * actually includes, but ultimately it is up to people who define as such to chose.

[rusuweexist]

I've heard many conversations along the lines of 'you can't be bi, you must prefer one', and it's in those sort of situations I feel ashamed of myself. I still feel nervous when admitting to people I'm bi, I just wish people could respect it.

[yourmediahasproblems]

WHY CAN’T TV SHOWS EVER SAY THE WORD BISEXUAL 

ARE THEY AFRAID IF THEY SAY IT THREE TIMES BISEXUAL BEETLEJUICE WILL APPEAR BECAUSE IF SO I WILL SETTLE FOR ONCE OR TWICE 

[bansheeandahunter-deactivated20]

Your friendly reminder that bi erasure is not limited to TV shows, books, or any other type of media. It also applies to biphobic people erasing us from long-term LGBT history which is how you end up with this crappy idea that bi people kind of just popped into existence ten years ago when teens decided to “be trendy” and it is only gay people who ever fought for LGBT rights while we “showed up to reap the benefits” or whatever.

[rusuweexist]

So, story time. I didn't come out to my parents as such - I fell out. On my butt. About two years ago, while I was going through a rough patch, my mum accidentally found and read the part of my diary where I wrote about be bisexual. We had a long talk and, at the time, she seemed to get it. Yet even now she still thinks I'm 'going through a phase'.

[rusuweexist]

I was too scared to tell my family I was going out with a bi guy because they didn't believe that bisexuality was real. Especially in men...

[rusuweexist]

Once I was dating this guy, and I came out to him as bisexual. He replied with "does that mean if you see a girl you like you'll cheat on me?”