“Kids these days like to ‘part-ay!’”
“And I am Darth Vader, apparently.”
“I sure am glad I’m a paranoid douche and locked myself in my own room.”
“Carpe Dickum: seize the dick.”
“I sure do have a lot of knives…”
“Oh, what’s in here? A head? I sure do hope so.”
“Maybe you should be a little more concerned at the fact that someone tried to murder you.”
“I don’t know why you came all the way out here just to be murdered.”
“I mean: it’s a Nokia! It should last forever!”
“Okay! Someone’s being murdered in this place! That’s no bueno!”
“I’m about to unleash the beast that is me-st.”
“Jesus! Punching things hurts!”
“An orb went into my body… I- I feel strange.”
“I’ll probably end up paying for this because I feel bad! But right now I’m angry!”
“I doused my tender body in gasoline.”
“So if I go into the oven… I’m going to burst into flames!”
“Where is there fire? I want to be lit on fire.”
“At this point I’m so desperate that I’ll take anything.”
“I’m about to die horribly in horrible ways!”
“I’m still learning how to be human!”
“Can I stop doing the moon walk for one second and throw another five-hundred dollar bill at this door?”
“Maybe if I slap the ground a bit more it will be a little more beneficial to me.”
“Even the penguins were creepy!”
“And the penguin was a murderer!”
“I’m gonna pretend like that piss demon didn’t just come out of the piss dimension.”
“I’m just gonna carry on being lost.”
“I don’t care how many people just died horribly!”
“So let’s get nice and comfortable in this eerie and destitute environment.”
“That’s for couples who can’t stand away from each other and want to hold hands while one’s dumping and one takes a shower.”
“Does my flashlight have a strobe option?”
“Don’t be messing with my light, because I’ve got a strobe function that will moderately disturb you if not dissuade you completely from eating my bones.”
“Even though this is a desert of death and destruction, it looks awfully nice!”
“Is some little girl going to pour out of that TV and talk to me about rings and such?”
“Oh, what? That was not there before! What the hell?”
“Oh, okay! Okay! The LSD is kicking in! I’m losing my mind!”
“I can’t even jump over that ledge; I’m that wimpy…”
“I’m like a bodybuilder that only focused on upper-body strength. So I’ve got giant, like, titanic muscles, but my legs are just little twigs.”
“It’s a monkey! It’s a murder monkey!”
“Leave your dork-ish brother alone!”
“Where are we now? Are we in space?”
“I’m gonna put some Ritalin in your damn drink!”
“I was going to be the expert figure skater back in Guadalajara!”
“All of you have different fathers!… I’m not even your mother!”
“You know what, kid? We’re going to stop in this gas station, I’m gonna abandon you, and I’m going to go on to my dreams of becoming a Las Vegas stripper!”
