atelophobia

atelophobia -- the fear of not being good enough

[rxsecursed]

strxngebutspecial‌:

“What about work?” she questioned. If something was bothering him she wanted to help to the best of her abilities. “Is something not going well for you?” she asked, concerned for him. “Well, you are a lot of the time! You’re like an old, bitter grandpa sometimes. You can’t deny that.” She smirked at him. “It wasn’t cool but it was funny.” She should have anticipated he would have gotten her back so whens now was dumped on her head she screeched. “Hey! Okay, I may have deserved that.” She began dusting the snow off of her head. “Okay, anywhere within reason.”

“Just having some design problems.  I think I’m going through a bit of a creative slump.  I don’t really like anything I’m coming up with.   They either seem ugly or they just don’t seem physically possible or just off.  It’ll pass soon,” Adam said shrugging.  It wasn’t that big of a deal, it wasn’t like he was the only person who could design a building at the firm.  They were still doing plenty of business that there was nothing to worry about.  “Oh how you flatter me.  You better not be calling me old, Miss Cherie,” he said shaking his head and grinning.  “Oh yes it’s very funny.  You look quite cute covered in snow,” he said teasing her.  “So what’s within reason?  Is our budget something like burgers or pizza or can we go to a restaurant?”

[rxsecursed]

strxngebutspecial‌:

@rxsecursed​

“Why do you look so glum, Adam?” Belle asked. “You need to smile more. You’re always so…grumpy. Embrace the life you have!” She picked up some snow off the ground and balled it up, waiting until he was a few steps in front of her to throw it at his back. When it hit him she couldn’t help but giggle. “Got you!” she said, walking back up to him. “Maybe you’re just hungry. Do you want to grab some dinner? Anything you’d like. My treat.”

Adam had been pondering a building design for work that had been giving him problems.  Most of the designs lately were giving him trouble, he seemed to be going through a creative rut.  Either the buildings looked boring or there was something off about them or they just couldn’t physically work.  “Huh?  Oh no nothing just thinking about work,” he answered shrugging.  “I am not always grumpy,” he argued shaking his head.  He started walking again when he felt something cold and wet hit him in the back.  “Hey!” he shouted turning around and shaking his head at her, trying to hide the smile that was fighting its way through his serious facade.  “That’s so not cool, Belle.”  He shook his head and scooped up some snow in his hands.  He waited until she walked back up to him before dumping some of the snow on her head.  “Got you back,” he teased.  “Food does sound good.  Anything I’d like?  Even if it’s some ridiculous over the top expensive place?”

[rxsecursed]

youthfulncss‌:

His flippant response grated her nerves a bit raw. And Gertrude… Emily… she supposed, didn’t know what on Earth she was going to do. “What does it look like?” She repeats back, voice rising, a tremor through the attempt at steadiness, “it looks like you’re being reckless and just… d-d-drinking! Without much regard f-for your own-n health!” Her face is turning hot with frustration. This isn’t entirely like she. Normally, she’d be much more forward and a bit more… venomous about the situation. Emily’s at a loss of proper words as her eyes dart from his face to his drink, and quickly, she takes his shot glass from him and holds it tightly, not even so much ransoming it. “You s-shou-shouldn’t be this casual ab- about it. Don’t you think you’re overdoing- overdoing it?” She realizes that after this, and after last time, she may never want to see Adam out drinking again. He was too random… unpredictable, even. Actually, too much like her if she threw enough caution into the bin. “And w-what stripper? Adam th-that’s-!?” He kept piling information at her and she could have sworn she was gong to lose her mind. If he kept this up, she would be the one to take the shot. “What happened to Dawson? W-what? Adam I’m worried ab- about you!”

Adam rolled his eyes at her.  “Yeah, whatever.  I’m fine, my health is just fine.  I used to do this stuff all the time and I’m still here.  I’m okay, calm down.”  God was this version of Emily annoying.  He did not need another person to nag him, Dawson had already done a perfectly good job of that.  He didn’t need this woman coming over here and acting like his mother.  It wasn’t her place and he didn’t need anyone to tell him what to do.  He could take care of himself, he’d been doing that just fine for several years now.  “Nope, I think I’m acting exactly how you’re supposed to at a party,” he answered shaking his head.  “Just this stripper I’m friends with, was friends with?  I don’t know, I haven’t talked to him in a while.  His name started with a D, it was something like Dylan.., no, no not Dylan something more like Desmond.  Devan!  It was Devan!  Yeah, yeah so anyways we were friends with benefits or something like that a while ago.  Calm down, I’m fine, perfectly healthy.  I made sure I was safe with him.”  He went to take his most recent shot and frowned realizing it’s missing.  He noticed it in Emily’s grasp and started reaching for it.  “Nothing, just got in a little fight.  He wasn’t happy I was here or drinking.  We’ll be fine I think.  I can apologize, I think.”

[rxsecursed]

january-wintersxx‌:

January watched his reactions with a smile on her face. At least some moments made her feel like she still had it in her. “Alcohol had a funny way of bringing out the old versions of ourselves.” She shrugged it off. Not that she wanted to really go into many details about it herself. And well, not with him. This was suppose to just be fun, and January was going to keep it that way and nothing too deep into conversation. “I mean, you’re here. So might as well figure out for yourself if I’m still loads of fun. Do you consider yourself fun?” 

“Yeah it definitely does,” Adam agreed nodding.  This whole night so far seemed to be bringing out old versions of himself.  Flirting with random people, drinking excessively, partying, and more or less running out on his date were all things of his pre-curse or very early cursed days.  He had been trying to be better and curb all of these habits to make himself into a person who deserved Dawson and yet here he was.  “I think I’m pretty fun right now.  Not sure if I am all the time.  Haven’t really done any of this in a while,” he answered shrugging.

[rxsecursed]

@drdawscn Happy Valentine’s Day

[rxsecursed]

youthfulncss‌:

@rxsecursed​ || valentine’s day

She almost hadn’t come tonight. To this club, where everyone was making doe eyes at each other or encouraging… less than stellar choices. Let it be known, Gertrude Gothel didn’t care for Valentine’s day. Not much at all. Perhaps it was sweet sometimes for lovers, but the amount of paper crafted hearts she endured every years since she’d started teaching in the United States? Rubbish. Absolute rubbish. And here she was. Sipping weak champagne and on her third flute at that. She was about to go, having had quite enough, when she spotted, perhaps a sight she wish she hadn’t seen. Because in that way, she wouldn’t have had to care.

“What do you think you’re doing!?” She nearly barks, her tone sharp. It’s even uncharacteristic for the looser version of Emily she’s devised for Adam’s sake. And yet she’s here, not only with a sharp tone, but a sharp expression. She’s pulled him from what she can only assume is a wayward flirtation and his straightening out all the wrinkles and fluff about his suit, giving him quite a stare. “You’re being r-r-reckless with the- the drinks and the ladies here,” she chides. She doesn’t even realize that she’s begun to stutter with an incredulous worry. “W-what- what has g-gotten into you!?”

One moment Adam was having fun, very reckless borderline unforgivable fun and then the next he was being yelled at.  “Having fun.  What does it look like?” he asked shot glass still in his hand.  He didn’t understand why Emily’s tone was so sharp, she’d seen him drunk before.  The next thing he knew he was being dragged away like a little kid in trouble.  “I am not.  I’m just having a little fun, talking and drinking.  I’ve done this stuff before, lots of times like when I was in college or a little over a year ago with the uh dancer no stripper, yeah he was fun,” Adam babbled to her.  “Just wanted to have some fun ‘specially after Dawson got upset.”

[rxsecursed]

january-wintersxx‌:

January raised her brows towards him. “Is that what you’re really thinking about? Me naked? I mean first you talk about my dress being ruined and now you’re just going right to the nothing?” She laughed tipping her head back for more alcohol. “Well.. at least you’re being honest, maybe you’ll get to see that.” Nodding she looked away. “Just a bit, like you’ve over complicated everything just a bit and now I’m thinking of other things then body shots. Like.. just normal things. Please get drunk.” Grinning she nodded towards him. “College me was a good time.” With that she handed it over to him. “Bottoms up.” 

“Well now that you’ve directly said it yeah.  Was kind of just falling back into old habits before.  Wasn’t exactly sure how much I meant it.  Does sound a bit tempting though,” Adam answered shrugging.  He blushed bright red at the comment about possibly getting to see her naked.  He had just come over for a drink or two, he hadn’t intended to start flirting and yet here he was talking about being naked and doing body shots.  “Will do, miss,” he said nodding and smiling at her.  “If right now is anything close to how you were then I’m sure you’re still lots of fun.”  He took the bottle and took a long sip from it before taking a short breather.  Oh god how did he used to do stuff like this?  He was planning on doing shots after this?  God did he feel old at the moment, not that he’d allow her to know any of that, so he flashed a smile at her trying to act like he was enjoying this much more than he was.

[rxsecursed]

january-wintersxx‌:

“Well if you ruined it that much, I would probably be heading home to my pj’s . You know offering a body shot was suppose to be sexy and now I just feel like I gotta calculate all the steps better.” She grumbled making a face. “Yeah, well college gave me a few life long talents.” Raising a brow she looked towards him. “Yeah?” 

“If I ruined it that much you might not need your pjs.  You might not be needing any clothes.”  The line was out of Adam’s mouth before he knew what he was saying.  He should regret saying that a lot more than he did but part of it felt normal, the flirting at a party.  He did wish it had been someone else he said the line to but they weren’t here anyways.  “Right sexy, of course body shots are supposed to be sexy.  Ignore me, I’m overthinking things and talking to much.  I’m way too sober,” he said shaking his head.  He smiled and let out a chuckle at her statement.  “I have a feeling college you and college me would have gotten along really well.”  He nodded and gestured for the bottle to be passed over to him.  “Yeah, I’ll prove it.  Hand over the bottle.”

[rxsecursed]

january-wintersxx‌:

“We can ruin it.” She let out casually with a shrug of her shoulders. “I don’t really plan on wearing it again anyways.” Sitting up a bit straighter she nodded. “Fair, you can catch up. I’ve had.. well whatever was in this bottle. Seems nearly half gone so… half a bottle is where you need to be.Can you handle that? ” 

“No we can’t.  We shouldn’t mess it up.  It’s too pretty.  Plus what would you do then?  Go around in a ruined dress? We can’t have that,” Adam said shaking his head.  “Half a bottle?  Wow, I’m impressed.”  He let out a laugh at her question.  “Oh I most definitely can handle it.  Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve drained at least half a bottle on my own.”

[rxsecursed]

drdawscn‌:

Dawson was aware that his boyfriend and best friend despise each other, but not to this extent. After Adam shouted, Dawson glanced left and right if anyone heard their arguing before facing him again. “Well then, I’ll talk to him about this later.” Dawson spoke firmly without raising his voice and still holding his ground. “Then why bother going to this party where it’s predominantly for people who don’t have someone to spend this stupid holiday with? Am I not good enough for you as your boyfriend, or even as a person to be around?” Dawson asked, his voice raised as loud as Adam’s before restricting himself from escalating to more anger that he’s bottled up. “Fine then, stay here and have fun by yourself. I’m gonna find Basil, or head home to the cats. Any of their company is better than yours.”

“Yeah go ahead talk to him, see if that changes anything.” Adam muttered rolling his eyes.  He figured it had been sheer luck or Dawson getting annoyed by it that Basil even started calling him by the right name.  It would take a miracle or a full personality change for Basil to start being nice to him as far as Adam was concerned.  “Because at least it’s a real fucking party!  Because I feel more comfortable here than I did there!  This is the kind of scene I’m used to.  I spent most of my teens and the beginning part of my twenties going to parties like this or more wild ones.  I enjoy this kind of stupid party.  Are you not good enough?  What kind of bullshit question is that?  If I didn’t think you were good enough I wouldn’t date you.  I don’t waste my time pity dating or hanging out with people.  God you’re being fucking ridiculous,” he said shaking his head.  “Fine I will.  At least I’m capable of having fun unlike you, old man.  Oh if their company is so much better why even bother being with me?  Huh?”

[rxsecursed]

drdawscn‌:

“If you or him knew each other well enough maybe you two won’t hate each other with every fiber of your beings, but you don’t! You just care what other people think of him, or anything in particular!” He argued back. “If you didn’t like it, at least be honest in the first place. Well maybe I don’t like the parties you like going to and your partying and drinking habits! I won’t wave some fake organ around or even mention it in your vicinity if it makes you so damn happy.” 

Adam scoffed at the comment about Basil.  “Oh please, be realistic for a second.  He flat out hates me, he’s made that clear from the moment he met me.  He’s been mean to me!  I’m basing this on my own experience!  I don’t need to base how he’s an ass on gossip posts!” he shouted.  “I didn’t want to upset you.  You were enjoying that pathetic excuse of a party.  I didn’t want to make you leave if this one sucked too.  Well my partying and drinking habits aren’t gonna go anywhere.  This is how I am.  I enjoy drinking and dancing.  I’m not gonna give that up because you’d rather be at home with the cats.  Good, keep your disturbing work there.”

[rxsecursed]

drdawscn‌:

“He can be nosy, but he’s anything but an asshole,” he defended his friend. “Maybe I like the ambiance of the place or how the party sounded on the invite, I don’t know?” Dawson retorted.  “If you don’t like the other party so much you could’ve said let’s go home but instead you snuck off here! I do respect the things you like, but some of those things I can’t wrap my head around. And speaking of, I can say the same for you complaining about things I like; blood I understand but anatomical shit as you put it, really now?” He retorted even more but still held his ground.

“Oh my god are you blind if you think that.  He’s an ass towards everyone!  He looks down on people and is rude,” Adam argued shaking his head.  “What ambiance?  It’s boring as hell!  Yeah on paper it sounded nice but it was suffocating in there.”  He shot back.  “I was only gonna stay for a few minutes just get a peak and see if it was any better but then the alcohol happened.  You’ve just been bitching about this party and my drinking habits.  Yeah I don’t like it.  That stuff makes me sick.  I don’t do well with biological things.  Not everyone likes blood and organs.  I’m not a doctor or someone who enjoys creepy eyeball experiments like your roommate.”

[rxsecursed]

drdawscn‌:

“That’s Basil to you.” Dawson replied rolling his eyes, not having Adam’s flippant responses. “Uh, I do? Because I prefer to it than this poppy heavily auto-tuned music sung by anyone who’s all looks and no substance. The other party does, the one place I want to spend Valentine’s Day with you. But it’s clear as day you reconsidered spending that day by destroying your liver as we speak.

“An asshole who can’t mind his own business,” Adam replied finally venting how he had started to view Basil lately.  “You want to spend time at a party like that?  Ugh why?  It’s awful that’s not a party that’s like a funeral thing, like a wake,” he said struggling to find the right word at first.  “And I’d rather be at a decent party or somewhere else actually enjoyable!  God even staying home with you and the pets again would have been better than that shit.  But go ahead complain about the music I like, the fact I enjoy drinking.  This is me, Dawson.  This is the stuff I like.”

[rxsecursed]

january-wintersxx‌:

“A bit? Well I’m gonna need a little more then a bit if I”m going to do a body shot with someone. Can’t really go ruining this dress for a maybe.” She shrugged her shoulders and leaned back again to take another .. pour. January was sure it was more then a shot. Wincing she let her feet dangle. “So… yes or no?” 

“Okay maybe quite a bit.  Well we can’t risk ruining your dress,” Adam said shaking his head.  “I’ll do it.  I’d hate to upset a gorgeous lady.  Although I think you should let me have a chance to catch up to you before the shots start.  How many ...whatever you want to call that have you had?”

[rxsecursed]

drdawscn‌:

Dawson searched high and low for Adam until he spots him at the bar drinking away. He paced towards the bar, probably pushing away some guests out of his way until the other man sees him walking towards him. “’Hi dear,” he greeted Adam with a tight smile. “From what I’ve seen when I came in…sure. I didn’t expect to see you here, but here we are. Basil said you were here, were the drinks at the Ink and Paint crap or is couples’ party not up to par with your partying standards?”

“Basil texted you?  Ugh why does he ruin everything fun?” Adam said groaning out loud.  “I don’t know, I guess they were alright.  The music sucked though.  Who wants to listen to jazz all night?  What kind of party plays just slow songs?  It’s boring, not even weddings are that slow.”

[rxsecursed]

drdawscn‌:

It’s been over an hour or so since Dawson and Adam arrived at the Ink and Paint Club to attend the couples’ party. He was waiting for his boyfriend to get drinks for them, but it doesn’t take that long to get drinks. Maybe he was talking to someone he knows, Dawson thought. He checks his watch every few minutes until he became antsy and decided to call Adam. He was about to dial until a text from Basil interrupted him saying that his boyfriend was at the Lady and the Tramp where another party was held? What would he be doing there? Dawson makes a mad dash out of the sweethearts club and speed walks, practically runs to the other party. He enters the club with anxiety and blood boiling in hopes to see Adam. 

@rxsecursed​

It probably wasn’t his best move sneaking out of the party at the Ink and Paint Club but he had been bored out of the moment.  He had said he was going to get drinks, using that as an excuse to check out the other Valentine’s party.  He just wanted to get a brief little sneak peak of it and then he’d come right back.  Unfortunately he ended up getting a drink or two and forgetting that he was supposed to go back well until he saw Dawson entering the party.  “Hi honey,” he said waving at Dawson, his voice slurring a bit.  “Great party right?  Much better than the paint ball thing.”

[rxsecursed]

january-wintersxx‌:

Valentine’s Day was probably the worst day of the year. Maybe it was a bit over the top to think that, but January was just reminded of the ache, and cracks in her heart. And just how lonely she was. This year was a bit different though, she found herself in a tight dress up on the bar with her head tipped back. Looking beside her she laughed as she met eyes with them. “I’m doing body shots next, thirsty?” 

After getting bored at the sweetheart’s party Adam had snuck over to the other one.  He couldn’t take anymore slow jazz songs.  It was most certainly not his type of party.  The more lively music and people drinking at the singles party was infinitely better.  He headed over to the bar for a drink when he saw a blonde there tipping her head back for a drink.  “Maybe a bit,” Adam replied smirking.