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This image of selkie Chad confronting Robert but in his seal form has invaded my mind.
Robert opens the door to a giant seal that knocks his door wide open and forces his way in. Robert can recognize it’s Chad. But he can’t even express his shock before said seal just flops onto him.
Chad is so fucking proud of himself. Who needs a dumb human language or human legs to get what he wants? Not Chad that’s who. He’s so smart, he realizes he doesn’t need to say anything to Robert to get the human to understand he’s not allowed out of his sight. And his coat can’t be stolen if he never takes it off.
Said man is wheezing under his impressive form, but who wouldn’t? Chad will get off him in a minute, maybe. So he won’t die.
Chad has decided on a new routine for them and Robert isn’t getting a say in it. It consists of Chad staying with Robert as a seal and Robert isn’t allowed to leave. Robert won’t have any time for others, with his newly returned co-dependent seal. With separation anxiety so bad Chad starts roaring if Robert is out of sight for more than a minute.
Their schedule is mostly hanging out in or around Robert’s cabin, Chad dragging Robert out to the beach so Chad can go swim and be a seal, and Robert bargaining with a nonverbal Chad to let him leave to for something he needs to get done. Chad doesn’t understand what more Robert could need, he hunts plenty of fish for the both of them.
Robert doesn’t want to risk people hurting Chad if they discover him, so he stops inviting people over. Chase still comes over, Chad and Chase fucking hate each other. Chad will just growl and bark while Chase cusses him out. But Robert made it clear he won’t forgive either of them if they hurt the other so it doesn’t go further.
Robert also no longer has a bed frame, Chad broke it when he tried getting on it. Chad thinks it’s much better this way, it saves him the trouble of dragging Robert to the nest he made of stolen blankets for cuddles.
I love this so much. Obsessed with seal!Chad
Dispatch Fanart #14
(Post it again, sorry but Tumblr hashtag doesn’t see it otherwise^^’ )
Inspired by this post XD
Robert “People-Don't-Think-When-I-Blow-Them” Robertson, ladies and gentlemen 😈
Tumblr is a fate driven website. You can't find posts through the search function, you see them when you're meant to.
So you know how Flambae’s base intellect is 1 so canonically he’s naturally kinda stupid? Well I think it's a fun headcanon that every once in a while, this stupidity resurfaces in a comment so brainless that it derails the whole shift
An example:
Flambae: I don’t get all that shit about the Great Depression
Prism: What’s not to get?
Flambae: Everyone’s always talking about it like it was the worst thing ever. I could totally beat it
Robert: You think you could beat the Great Depression
Flambae: Why do you sound so surprised? You doubting me, Bob-Bob?
Robert, incredulously: Yes
Mal: What does that even mean? How are you beating the Great Depression?
Flambae: Well first of all, I can’t get a sunburn, so I stay out in the sun all day. Second, I get a cat, I let it purr on me—
Robert: Wait, do you think—
Prism: BAE, NO
Flambae: What?
Visi: Well we know one kid got left behind
Golem: Way behind
Flambae, confused and pissed off: What? What’s wrong with what I said??
Sonar: HE THINKS EVERYONE WAS JUST REALLY SAD
Flambae: Why the fuck are you laughing at me?!
Visi: This is your man by the way, Robert
Robert, dryly: I have some thinking to do, clearly
Flambae: NO WAIT—
GIRLS ✨ DEPRESSED✨ (JK they take their meds)
Dispatch ladies for the soul.
divas switching costumes
Yesterday I mentioned coming up with a fic idea where Robert and Flambae end up with a kid.
Essentially the story starts with Flambae getting kidnapped by this group obsessed with studying fire metas, because fire powers tend to be some of the strongest and most dangerous meta abilities out there. They're specifically interested in him because he's one of the strongest fire metas they have ever documented, though he apparently hasn't even fully unlocked his full potential yet. So they take him, study him, harvest samples from him, and treat him less like a person and more like a walking furnace with excellent genetics.
The Z-team does manage to get him back, but they don't fully take the group down at first. The group escapes and goes on the run, leaving Flambae with the kind of trauma he would rather insult, dramatize, and set on fire than actually talk about. Things seem mostly over for a while, or at least pushed to the side, until SDN eventually tracks the group down again a few months later. This time, prepared, they send the Z-team in to take them out properly.
That is where they find the lab.
And the lab is so much worse than anyone expected. It isn't just researchers studying fire powers in a creepy basement somewhere. It's a full facility full of trapped fire metas of all kinds. Adults, children, babies, even animals. Some kidnapped, some altered, some outright created. The team gets the researchers, scientists, and enforcers arrested, and the rescued people are all moved into care, placement, foster situations, medical programs, or whatever kind of specialized help they need.
In the middle of all of this, Flambae finds a little fire meta bengal cat and instantly falls in love with her. She's not just a normal cat with warm paws, either, she can fully turn on fire, which is why she can't just go to anyone. Flambae, being a fire meta himself and already used to managing all the safety issues that come with flames, is allowed to take her home. He gives her some beautiful, elegant, probably extremely meaningful and dramatic name. Then Robert ruins it.
Because whenever the cat curls up with Beef, who she weirdly gets along with despite being a cat and Beef being a dog, Robert starts calling her Beans. Flambae is deeply offended by this. Robert keeps doing it. The cat starts responding to it. Then when another certain someone eventually starts talking, she also calls the cat Beans, and at that point the elegant name is dead in a ditch. The cat only responds to Beans now. Her name is Beans. Flambae has to live with this forever.
But then comes the real emotional bomb.
Some time after the raid, Blazer calls Flambae and Robert into her office in the middle of a shift. The rescued children and babies have mostly been placed or are being placed, but some cases are complicated enough that SDN had to move into DNA testing to figure out possible relatives or suitable homes. And one of the babies, a little girl, came back as a direct genetic match to both Flambae and Robert. Not distantly. Not partially. At the level of being their biological child.
What had happened was that the lab had taken Flambae’s DNA while he was captive. During the rescue, they also managed to get some of Robert’s blood. Since the group had a habit of testing every sample they could get their hands on as a potential genetic partner for their experiments, they tested Robert’s DNA with Flambae’s and found that the compatibility was off the charts. So they used both of them to genetically engineer a baby, trying to create the most powerful fire meta they possibly could.
And it is awful at first. Not the baby herself, obviously, she's a baby, she's innocent. But the revelation is awful because this child exists because both of them were violated. Flambae was kidnapped, studied, and harvested. Robert had his blood taken during the rescue without even knowing it, and then his body was used too. So suddenly these two men who have been sleeping together while very loudly pretending it's casual are standing there being told that there is a baby girl who is biologically theirs, created by the same people who hurt Flambae.
Robert and Flambae’s dynamic is already complicated before this. They've been hooking up, but both of them keep insisting it is not serious, even though it is very obviously getting more serious by the day. They bicker constantly, know too much about each other, keep showing up for each other, and are both deeply committed to pretending none of that means anything. Then this baby happens, and suddenly the lie is much harder to keep up. A child does not magically make them a couple, but she does make their denial look extremely stupid.
At first, they don't know what to do. They are not required to take her, Blazer makes that clear. The baby is not property, and biology does not automatically create obligation, especially when that biology was forced on all three of them. But placement is complicated, because she is a powerful fire meta infant with a strange origin and very specific care needs. A fire meta guardian would be ideal. Flambae is uniquely suited to understanding her powers, Robert is one of her biological parents too, and neither of them can stop thinking about the fact that if they don't take her, she is still out there somewhere, this tiny baby made from them by people who saw her as an experiment.
They eventually meet her, and that is what really cracks everything open. Not because of some dramatic destiny moment. Just because she is tiny. She is a baby. She fusses and runs too warm and calms when Flambae comes close because his heat is familiar and safe to her body. Robert is terrified to hold her, but then she grabs onto him and falls asleep, and there is no way to make that casual. There is no way to stand there with the baby made from both of them asleep in Robert’s arms and pretend the only thing between them is sex and bad decisions. They decide to take her in and name her Suraya.
Raising Suraya makes Flambae understand his own parents much more because, as a kid, he thought they were harder on him because they trusted him less or loved him less. But now that he's raising a fire meta child, he finally gets that they couldn't treat him exactly like a normal kid. They had to teach him more control and more restraint because his anger could literally hurt people. That does not mean they handled everything perfectly, and it does not erase the hurt, but it gives him a new appreciation for what they were trying to do. Now he is the parent kneeling in front of his own little fire child, telling her she is allowed to be angry, but she is not allowed to throw fire because she did not get the pink shoes.
Everyone expects Robert to be the stern parent and Flambae to be the indulgent one, but it actually ends up flipped. Robert struggles with discipline because of his history with Robbie. Saying no to Suraya, making her cry, or holding a boundary can trigger every fear he has about becoming his father. He is terrified of going too far, of making her feel controlled or unloved, of turning her childhood into another legacy shaped cage. So he over explains, backtracks, softens too quickly, and sometimes cannot hold the line.
Flambae, somehow, becomes the stern parent. Not because he's naturally calm or patient, because he absolutely is not. He's still dramatic, insulting, flamboyant, and very much himself. But he understands fire. He understands how dangerous it is to let big feelings and flames become the same language. Suraya is not a brat, but she has huge, intense emotions, and she has tantrums like any little kid does. The difference is that when she gets worked up, she can heat the room, spark, or burn her own clothes. Flambae loves her enough to be firm with her. Robert teaches her that love does not have to be earned. Flambae teaches her that being loved does not mean she gets to rule the house like a tiny pink furnace dictator.
There is also a lot of learning involved, because only one of her parents has fire powers and flame resistant skin. Suraya has fire resistant skin like Flambae, but Robert very much does not. When she is about three months old, there's a really bad incident where her temperature suddenly spikes while Robert is holding her. His body reacts to the burning pain before his brain can override it, and he drops her. Flambae catches her in time, but it nearly gives Robert a complex about holding his own daughter. They have to work through it with special sleeves, warning signs, safety routines, and a lot of painful trust building. Robert does eventually get past it, but he never forgets that moment.
When Suraya is about five months old, Robert and Flambae have been dealing with endless legal and bureaucratic nonsense because of her unnatural birth and their unmarried status. Custody, guardianship, medical authority, emergency contacts, insurance, forms that do not know how to categorize her, all of it is a nightmare. One evening, exhausted and probably surrounded by paperwork, Robert casually suggests that maybe they should just get married. At first he means it in the most practical, Robert way possible, like marriage is a paperwork crowbar. Then both of them actually hear what he said, stop, think about it, and realize it's become a real proposal.
They decide to wait until Suraya can walk steadily so she can be their flower girl. The wedding is small and intimate, held in the backyard of Flambae's parents’ house, with close family and friends present. Robert ends up taking Flambae's surname, Rahimi, becoming Robert Rahimi instead of Robert Robertson III. It is not just a name change. It is Robert stepping away from the Robertson legacy and the Mecha Man line his father forced onto him. He gets to be Robert Rahimi the first, building a family of his own instead of being the third version of someone else’s plan.
By the time Suraya is four or five, the lab stuff is not gone, exactly, but it has become background history. She has grown into an actual little person. She has Robert’s borderline auburn hair, fire-resistant skin like Flambae, and a strange little skin tail from the process used to create her, though she's embarrassed by it.
And Suraya is very much a girly girl. She loves pink, unicorns, dresses, ballet, singing, and big chunky child jewelry. This creates a very specific problem because, while there are flameproof clothes in the world, a lot of them are ugly, utilitarian, or made for combat and adult fire metas. There sadly are not enough cute flameproof little girl styles, which is absurd considering how many fire metas exist. So it's not uncommon for Suraya to get worked up and burn her own clothes. She's fine cause her skin is fire resistant, but her dress is not, and for a little girl who loved that dress, this is still devastating.
Suraya also really likes singing, which gives her an outlet that is not just fire. Prism immediately becomes dramatic about this because of course she does. Chase tries to compete by teaching her songs too, because Chase dotes on Suraya the exact same way he dotes on Beef. This is Robert’s baby, his little brother’s daughter, so obviously Chase considers himself her number one uncle. Unfortunately for him, Prism considers herself her number one aunt, and the two are constantly competing for favorite status after her actual parents. Prism has the sparkle and performance advantage. Chase has seniority and pure stubborn old man devotion. Suraya, naturally, uses this for personal gain.
She is also a little parrot, specifically with bad words. She knows she is not supposed to say them, and she thinks it is hilarious how stressed the adults get when she does. This is a problem because she is being raised around Robert, Flambae, Chase, Prism, Punch Up, Invisigal, Sonar, and the rest of the Z-team, who are not exactly a preschool vocabulary enrichment program. Someone mutters one bad word under their breath and Suraya repeats it with perfect timing, then laughs because every adult in the room suddenly looks like they just watched a bomb roll under the couch.
The Z-team as a whole becomes her huge extended family. Prism/Alice spoils her with clothes, accessories, sparkle, and performance advice. Chase spoils her because she is Robert’s daughter and he is emotionally helpless about it. Malevola is good for helping her feel less strange about her tail because she does not make a big production out of visible difference. Golem lets her decorate him with stickers and jewelry. Punch Up tosses her in the air once and Robert nearly dies on the spot. Coupé pretends not to care and then buys her the most practical, expensive, well made things imaginable. Sonar is already putting together portfolios and investing for her future. Waterboy is very easy for her to talk into giving her treats. Invisigal encourages and teachers her how to get away with mischief.
So Suraya is a little spoiled, but not in a bratty way. More in the sense that she has a whole army of superpowered aunts and uncles, plus Flambae’s actual family, who all know where she came from and would give her the world if allowed. Which is exactly why Flambae has to be the stern parent. He is not just parenting Suraya. He is also constantly parenting every adult around her who folds the second she looks at them with big sad eyes and says please.
The real later conflict comes years after the lab raid, once Suraya is about four or five. The group doesn't regroup immediately. It takes them years to crawl back out and start trying to reclaim their old experiments. By then, Suraya is not a baby in a file. She is not an abstract genetic result. She is Robert and Flambae’s daughter. She has a name, a family, a dog, a flaming cat named Beans, ballet clothes, favorite songs, a godmother and godfather fighting over her affection, and a whole life.
She also has a whole family of supers who are going to tear that lab to the ground when they kidnap her.
The funny thing about doing any AU that changes Robert's backstory is that, because of the actual canon events of the story, you have to also then change aspects of Flambae's backstory as well. Unlike other characters who all end up where they are at the beginning of the story regardless of Robert, Flambae can't just seamlessly end up where he is eithout change if Robert's story isn't the same. You could argue the same goes for Invisigal, but that opens the question of whether or not Shroud was telling the truth when he claimed she was at SDN as a spy or not, cause if true then she most likely would still end up there but if not then yeah you do have to shift things. But with Flambae there's no argument.
Oh, To see Robert in his prime
thinking about how ursula k leguin said "what goes too long unchanged destroys itself. The forest is forever because it dies and dies and so lives" and how everyday i wake up slightly different and i can feel myself shed the skin of who i used to be slowly, slowly, until i look back and can scarcely recognise who i was... but also she is still a part of me, part of the leaf litter and the humus, supporting me as i send new roots down and new leaves stretching up to the sunlight
Only just realised I never posted this dumb doodle from 4 months ago. Here's pocket, ex-adventurer street alchemist NPC from my D&D campaign. He's the cheapest alchemist in Parvumarx!
saw some tiktoks making fun of girls who want to wear revealing clothes in public while in a relationship and I just want to say if you love her and she loves you why do you care. "what if another guy tries to get intimate with her" just kill him? what happened to chivalry
Roberts been propositioned for sex from members of the Z-team multiple times.
He’s pretty sure they’re joking, most of the time. Most of the time.
Even Bruno, Prism and Colm had made the jokes about taking him back at least once. But he’s more than positive that they were joking.
Waterboy was tricked by Flambae and Malevola into inviting Robert over in a way that suggested he was looking for something ‘spicy’ as he said.
It was only when Robert was trying to let him down gently that he heard the devilish pair laughing behind a corner that Robert was able to put two and two together.
as it turned out Waterboy was inviting him over for noodles.
He wanted to try and make spicy noodles.
Poor kid.
There’s a few times where he was sure that one of them really was trying to take him home though.
Like with Sonar, and he wishes that Sonar hadn’t been serious.
It was when he was trying to kick his crack habit and the team had been supporting him.
Robert had caught him trying to sneak off, probably trying to call his dealer. After failing to bribe Robert with money and favours, the hybrid practically dropped to his knees, offering to blow Robert if Robert would just turn a blind eye this one time.
Robert of course did the responsible thing and brought Sonar back to SDN, it was hard seeing his friend like that. He never brought up the incident, and Sonar was quietly thankful for that.
Malevola made a pass at him one time, nothing aggressive, just a flirty invitation.
Coop did the same, but Robert doubts Colm actually wanted a third like she was suggesting.
Visi had of course made many attempts, but thankfully she eventually took the hint and relaxed a bit. Or as much as possible when it came to her.
Phenomaman had as well at one point too but well.. It had been different. Phenomaman had been hopeful that maybe his genitals would be compatible with human males, since human females had not worked out. And who better to ask for help than the oh so helpful Robert.
Robert had to shut that down fast. Phenomaman wasn’t even interested in guys, but he had reached a point where he was willing to try anything to at least see if maybe it would spark some connection.
Poor guy was lonely. He had gotten into relationships after Blazer, but all of them were short lived, and just left Phenomaman even more depressed. Robert was almost tempted to agree just out of pure pity.
Thankfully he was able to pass him off to Flambae, who enlisted Prism. The pair made it their personal mission to get Phenomaman into a relationship and teach him how to keep one.
Robert was worried about what they were teaching him, but he decided that it just wasn’t his problem.
Then there was Flambae..
They bantered all the time, and argued as much as they flirted. Flambae was a bit more consistent.
Once a month Flambae would shoot his shot, then be shot down. It felt like a running joke at this point, one that they were both in on, something that became routine now. Sometimes if he was feeling extra frisky it’d be twice a month. Which is where we’re at now.
The bar was crowded.
Robert had been standing at the bar for a while, waiting for the bartender to be free for a second so he could order the team more drinks. His back was starting to twinge from standing there so long.
A warm hand slid across his back, rubbing up and down until it found the offending muscle and rested firmly on it. Providing a soothing heat that had Robert leaning back into the mans grip.
“Easy now Rob Bob, don’t want people getting the wrong idea.”
Flambae snickered into Roberts ear, still supporting the weight that Robert was leaning onto him with just the palm of his hand.
“You’ll scare away all the potential studs.”
Robert snickered in return, tilting his head back against Flambaes shoulder to look up at him. One hand reached behind himself to grab Flambaes wrist, trying to keep the heated palm on his aching back.
“I’m sure the studs can manage without you until we all get our drinks.”
“Mm I dunno Bobby. Don’t you know I’m in high demand?”
Flambae moved his hand away despite Robert trying to hold it there. Instead he wrapped both his arms around Roberts middle and rested his chin on his shoulder. Flambaes warmth surrounded him, it was like being in a warm bath, or wrapped in a blanket after it just came out of the dryer. Robert nearly sank into him.
Flambaes hands rubbed up and down Roberts sides in small slow strokes. His hands weren’t crossing any lines, Robert didn’t have many boundaries left when it came to the Z team.
“Unless.. You’re offering to take their place. How about it Bob Bob? Got some beer at home that you won’t have to pay for, and I could take care of that back of yours.”
Flambae gave his signature cat-like grin, and Robert will admit, Flambae is getting smoother with his offers, or maybe Roberts just easy. Because some free beer and a back rub sounds like a good deal to him, but Flambae wants to do a lot more than just rub his back, and Robert isn’t really into that.
“Good offer, but I don’t want the studs to get too lonely. How about I pay for your drink and we call it even.”
Flambae just huffed and rolled his eyes playfully.
“Eh, you were going to pay for my drink anyways.”
Flambae finally manages to flag down the bartender for Robert. He no longer has his arms wrapped around Robert, but he does return his palm to Roberts back.
Robert had to think for a second well Flambae ordered a long list of drinks for the team.
“Tacos then?”
Flambae looked back down at Robert, grinning again.
“Oho. Buying me dinner first? What a gentleman you are Robert.”
Robert chuckled as he lightly elbowed the man behind him. His face was heating up, probably from how hot it was getting from being so close to the hothead.
“I’ve always told you, if you ever wanted to go grab dinner all you have is ask.”
Flambae froze up for a second, then his usual sputter and huff came.
“Psh- last time I tried that the whole team tagged along.”
Robert remembered that fondly. He did feel slightly bad since Flambae had been moody for that whole dinner, but he had a hard time saying no to the team. They all ended up having a good time by the end of it, even Flambae.
They chatted well waiting for their drinks.
Flambae helped carry the trays back to the table, keeping one hand on the small of Roberts back the entire time. He didn’t end up leaving the booth to go stud hunting like he had said he would.
a snippet from the 2nd chapter of "all you do is sit and stare (baby won't you please)" which yes is being written still i sWEAR
under the cut because while nothing is explicitly shown, it is suggestive
It's not my cats' dice-stealing habit that surprises me, but that they have preferences. One favours classic ivory-white but doesn't care how many sides they have, the other is indifferent to colour but prefers d12s and d20s, I suspect because they rattle more loudly when swatted. I have dice snob cats.