Stay away sweet misery.

Ryker Coyne. 20. Wide receiver. Wonderwall douche. Irish hunk. Alpha Chi Rho.

[lincolnacademyrp]

[bbyviolet]

“You’re right. You get a body like that by injecting steroids every night. Take a piece, Ryk, a little fat would do you some good.”

[rykercoyne-blog]

“Was that you that spread that rumor? I mean, it gives girls a nice surprise in the bedroom when they find out I don’t have one of the bigger side effects, but you know, it’s bad for my rep. Fine, whatever. One piece.”

[cant-handle-the-rendering]

[rykercoyne-blog]

task 001; the interview

1. Where are you from? Are you going to miss it there?

New York City. Absolutely fucking not, I’m away from dad and that’s all that matters. I’ll miss my little sisters, that’s it.

2. Do you have any siblings? Will they be attending Lincoln Academy as well?

There’s 7 of us. My brother and one of my sisters are here, too. I’m the coolest one, though.

3. How do you feel about having a roommate?

If it was anyone other than Abram Saunders I’d be bitching left and right for a change. So it’s okay for now.

4. Will your family be needing financial aid?

Nope.

5. Is there anything you should let us know before you begin attending class? A learning disorder, past problems in the class, etc.

I do whatever I can in class, but if anyone’s assigning homework, it isn’t getting done. Plain and simple. I have better shit to do.

6. We are a clean campus here at Lincoln. Do you have a past of alcohol or drug abuse?

Yep. Everything. 

7. Will you be participating in any extracurricular activities such as clubs or sports?

Football. That’s it.

8. We like to make sure every student is enjoying themselves. What do you think we could do to improve the campus?

An open bar for minors would be fucking great.

9. Finally, why is it your parents sent you to Lincoln Academy? Please be honest; it does not affect our decision of admittance.

Because I’m a pain in Coyne Sr.’s campaign. I’m not good for publicity, apparently.

[wtglenore]

I sit on my butt and watch Netflix every day, Ryker. I never knew you wanted me to interrupt my traditions to bug you instead. Did you smell the fried oreos cooking from across campus?

[rykercoyne-blog]

I’m not saying you’d be interrupting anything other than a potential dry spell. My room’s always open for a hot blonde with a great ass, Lenny. Actually, my oreo senses started tingling and I panicked because I didn’t know where the fuck it was coming from. But now that you admitted it was your room, expect me there everyday expecting a handout.

[abram-saunders]

I think I’m gonna make another one because we didn’t have any leftovers and I don’t like not having leftovers because wHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST? Well what if I told you you weren’t allowed to disintegrate into a thousand pieces because I would miss you. YOU’RE MY ROOMMATE RYKIE POO I DON’T WANT A NEW ONE NOBODY ELSE PUTS UP WITH MY SCREAMING AND MY MESS AND MY FOOD EXPERIMENTS AND MY TALKING ABOUT LIZZIE NONSTOP AND MY HOCKEY EQUIPMENT BEING EVERYWHERE AND ALL MY OTHER SHENANGIANS THAT I DO ON A DAILY BASIS YOU’RE A KEEPER. I could always get Trent because he looks just like you but I feel like he gets a little offended whenever I call him Ryker even though I can’t imagine why.

[rykercoyne-blog]

Why don’t you just order one for the morning? Or you could make a breakfast pizza with like a giant pancake and some bacon as the crust- that sounds really fucking good, actually, make it now. I bet you could find someone. SPEAKING OF THAT I THINK I SAW A PIZZA BOX MOVE EARLIER BUT I JUST PRETENDED I DIDN’T SEE ANYTHING AND WENT TO TRAINING SO I DON’T KNOW IF WE SHOULD CLEAN UP OR CALL FOR HELP FIRST OR WHAT, IT’S YOUR DECISION. That’s because he fucking hates me, Abey. That’s okay, though. But I’m honestly a little offended you gave him my name.

[wtglenore]

I’ve been putting off all the homework I told myself I was going to do this weekend for three days just so I could binge watch That 70’s Show for probably the 900th time!!!

[rykercoyne-blog]

You sat on your ass and watched Netflix instead of calling me? Wow.

[bbyviolet]

“I literally had like twenty pieces of candy today, so I insist, take as many as you want!”

[rykercoyne-blog]

“Vi, you don’t get a body like this sitting around eating fucking sugar.”

[abram-saunders]

For dinner tonight I made me and Ryker a pizza with chicken tenders stuffed into the crust AND IT WAS THE BEST THING I’VE EVER EATEN IN MY WHOLE LIFE I’M GOING TO OPEN MY OWN RESTAURANT.

[rykercoyne-blog]

I’m fucking paying for it, man. My stomach is literally so full if I move I’ll disintegrate into a thousand fucking pieces. If I die tonight don’t tell my mom; even if I’m dead, I don’t want her here.

[rykercoyne-blog]

Text || Ryker

Max: i hate you

Max: ?? That doesn't mean i have to be abstinent

Max: you two should be the ones not having sex, because y'all probably have like 10 diseases

Ryker: no you don't ;*

Ryker: yes it does

Ryker: I actually got checked like last week and I'm cleaner than a fucking whistle so watch yo mouth kiddy

[rykercoyne-blog]

✉️ ryker

Violet: you're so wise, you could be a philosopher.

Violet: well she called me so I figure she wants me to ask you

Violet: what are you doing for spring break

Ryker: it's amazing I've trained you to think so well :')

Ryker: I really hadn't made a plan

Ryker: why? Did she wanna force us to cabo again??

[rykercoyne-blog]

Text || Ryker

Max: wow ok thanks for being super helpful

Max: what the hell i object

Max: there's no way im being the clean one that's not fair

Ryker: you're welcome

Ryker: but you're the one that looks the youngest even if you aren't. You have the baby face!!

[rykercoyne-blog]

Text || Ryker

Max: dude who the hell put my condoms up on the wall with thumbtacks

Max: not cool

Ryker: not me but I'm mad Bc I didn't think of it first

Ryker: we need you to be the clean one of the house, son.

[bentley-kade]

Well, you’re not sleeping with her, I’m sleeping with her. And if you somehow manage to sleep with her first, I’m going to find Scarlett Johannsen and seduce her right in front of you.

[rykercoyne-blog]

How do you know I’m not? Don’t you fucking dare. I would disown you as a friend and a brother and a human being.

[rykercoyne-blog]

✉️ ryker

violet: hello dear elderly one

violet: have you talked to mom recently

Ryker: i told u not to call me that it makes me feel like i should be wiser than i am

Ryker: no

Ryker: i called her like monday and still havent heard back so!!!

[rebellious-marlene-blog]

I’m pretty sure there was an ‘or something’ tagged on there, but that’s whatever.  Good seein’ you Ryker–no gaggle of bitches to follow you around today?

[rykercoyne-blog]

There is, actually, they’ve just gotten a little better at hiding in the fucking bushes whenever I turn around. Don’t you worry about me.

[bentley-kade]

Do you want me to find out if she has another weird goth girl as a friend and we can both be on the same type of mission? Or you could just bug her with me, maybe if you harassed her with me, she’d cave faster. I don’t know what it is, but you just have to meet her I think.

[rykercoyne-blog]

Nope. Any girl that I can’t get to sleep with me within a couple of hours isn’t worth my time. You sound whipped and Ryker fucking Coyne won’t be joining that club, ever.