oh, to dream

ji ryunho — rj 19. '00 line. lead rapper & vocalist of danger

[ryunhovld]

𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒂𝒆.

     the very first time hanae had visited the cat cafe was quite a while ago, when times were a bit more difficult and more stress like for her. sure, she had dangeun, but it wasn’t like he would do much other than roam around her apartment, eat lettuce, poop and sleep. even though cats weren’t too much different, there was something about being surrounded by many cats that was thrilling and exciting, yet the tiny fear of meeting that one grumpy cat each time she would go was would ring in the back of her mind. with only two hands to stroke cats, the one grumpy cat had since kept its distance from her, all because she didn’t have another hand to pet him with. it was a sad feeling, because the grumpy cat was a lovely grey colour all over and was so soft, but he wouldn’t let her get close enough to pet him.

     with danger’s debut right around the corner almost, hanae knew times would be tough for the younger, thus she wanted to steal him away from the stress of the life of a trainee and into the temporary relaxation of being, quite literally, surrounded by at least twenty cats. there was something fun that came out seeing the younger face the moment he saw the cats, especially at how his face would change so quickly when a cat would decide that he was the perfect napping spot. soon over time, visiting cat cafes together had become something the branded theirs, a little trip they would do and it was one that always excited hanae. who wouldn’t enjoy visiting a cat cafe and being surrounded by loads of cats? “did you know that some of these cats are actually available to adopt?” the idol tells the younger, sending him a glance and grinning at the picture in front of her. she sets her cup down, with careful eyes scouting the area of any cats who wanted to share her drink, and she pulls out her phone, snapping some photos of rj with the fluffy cat. it made hanae feel content knowing that rj enjoyed the cat cafe, and she hoped that if times did get difficult or stressful for him, that the cafe would offer a sense of peace and relaxation if he ever needed it.

     her once perfectly made hot chocolate was now not to perfect, instead the print of toe beans on her mountain of whipped cream. she pouts, looking at hwindungi and huffs. “my whipped cream now has your toe beans indented on it!” she gently scolds the cat, but the moment hwindungi looks up with their big eyes, hanae’s face drops the scolding expression and instead is replaced with one of awe. “you’re too cute to be mad at. but i can’t drink my hot chocolate now, what shall i do?” she glances at rj, and with kkulbbang beginning to move, she quickly scraps a bit of the cream off. “no, no, look, here have some! don’t make it obvious, i don’t want to be told off.” whispers, she lets the cat gently lick the cream off her finger, settling back down on rj’s lap. “and you can have a little bit too, considering you wanted some so desperately,” repeating the action with hwindungi, the layer of whipped cream that was initially tainted by the toe beans was now gone, which meant she was able to drink it. “how is practice going? it’s not long until your debut. are you excited?” she asks, taking a small sip of the drink, a creamstache now settled just above her top lip.

    *  TO  SAY  RJ  LIGHTS  UP  IS  A  SEVERE  UNDERSTATEMENT .  quite  frankly ,  it’s  strange  to  find  him  in  a  foul  mood  at  all .  it  would  strike  the  acute  chord  that  the  world  was  out  of  balance  if  he  was .  luckily  it  seems  like  his  chest  has  found  proper  employment  as  a  lighthouse  that  brightens  him  from  the  inside .  maybe  it’s  the  joy  of  fuzzy  cats ,  company  of  hanae  herself  or  the  prospect  of  debut  that  rests  at  the  forefront  of  his  mind .  ( probably  a  cocktail  of  all  the  above . )  that  brighter  disposition  was  always  his  saving  grace  when  everything  appears  bleak  &  he  still  thinks  it’s  the  best  anyone  can  do  when  nothing  is  going  right .  why  sweat  the  small  problems  when  you  could  find  just  as  much  good?  it  seemed  to  come  from  some  boundless  source  that  not  even  he  knew  the  address  or  name  of .  

    of  course  he’s  still  very  human  beyond  his  optimism  or  colorful  personality .  it’s  not  fun  for  anybody  when  the  bright  boy  has  an  off  day  which  is  why  he’s  so  incredibly  vigilant .  he  always  sews  up  in  some  secluded  pool  of  self ,  safe  from  any  worried  eyes  while  he  wore  an  assuring  smile .  journaling  sure  came  in  handy ,  jotting  down  his  thoughts  &  reflecting  at  the  end  of  a  day .  he’s  no  good  to  his  members  or  anyone  if  he  couldn’t  even  soothe  himself  first .  truly ,  what  was  more  soothing  than  tea  &  cats?  ❛ are  they  really? ❜  brows  lift ,  expression  occupying  his  features  best  described  as  rapt  with  the  news  reaching  his  ears .  nose  wrinkles  up  as  gaze  turns  downward  to  the  cuddlebug  in  his  lap .  something  mockingly  sinister  takes  hold  but  it’s  comical  to  imagine  he  had  a  devious  bone  in  his  body .  ❛ i  could  take  you  home  &  you’d  be  my  cat  forever .  if  only  i  had  the  time . ❜  lips  flatten  from  their  playful  lift ,  cheeks  puffing  out  like  a  balloon  before  deflating  just  as  quickly .

          fighting  off  the  smile  is  futile  while  he  examines  the  unfortunate  crater  in  the  older’s  cream .  ❛ maybe  it’ll  have  some  extra  umph ,  you  know? ❜   though  he  really  imagines  it’d  have  the  opposite  effect .  he  also  imagines  the  fate  of  kkulbbang  leaving  was  inevitable ,  until  hanae  comes  sweeping  in  with  a  finger  of  sweet  foam .  his  hero ,  really .  ❛ i  get  the  feeling  she  can  keep  a  secret ,  just  a  hunch . ❜  also  she  couldn’t  exactly  speak  any  human  language .  not  important .  he  finally  takes  another  sip  of  his  own  beverage  of  choice ,  a  matcha  latte ,  while  fingers  thread  through  kkulbbang’s  fur .  just  the  mention  of  debut  has  a  knot  bunching ,  a  ball  of  giddiness  rising  in  an  oh-so  familiar  sensation  at  the  pit  of  his  stomach .  ❛ oh  practice—  it’s  going  great .  debut  hasn’t  really  hit  me  yet ,  at  least  not  really .  i  can  imagine  what  it  might  be  like  but  i  won’t  know  until  it  actually  happens .  i  can  hardly  sleep  thinking  about  it . ❜  anyone  in  danger  could  testify  that  insomnia  wasn’t  a  result  of  his  excitement  but  that  felt  like  a  minor  detail .  he  couldn’t  sleep  period  &  even  when  he  did ,  it’s  anywhere  but  his  bed .  it’s  almost  a  miracle  he  feels  well-rested  most  nights ,  which  definitely  baffles  him .

[ryunhovld]

𝒔𝒆𝒃𝒊𝒏.

a few seconds of utter silence pass, and then—suddenly—sebin speaks in a hardly audible whisper. not out of consideration for the other members, but for theatrics; to make his words seem like some kind of dark, well-kept secret. “i hate babies.” he watches rj closely, trying to guage his reaction ( not that he’s truly worried about it — again, it’s all just to put on a show ) and then adds, more confidently, “but i could tolerate them better if their nails were painted black. it would feel like we were in some kind of secret alliance — the babies and i. the cool kids club. i’d be the president, of course.”

he knows how ridiculous of a thought it is, but that’s the beauty of late nights with ryunho — they understand each other in all of their stupidity. “i don’t want to be a parent at all and i especially don’t want to be one any time soon, but if i ever become one, then i think i’ll have to paint my baby’s nails black. i want my baby to be punk. and i want them to like rats.” before he can stop it, his mind has reverted back to ratatouille. he wants to let the topic go. he really does, but he can’t seem to; he loves it too much. “i’ll even name them after alfredo linguini if my wife will let me get away with it. if not, that’s what i’ll call them anyway.”

    *  EMPHATIC  SILENCE  WAS  ALL  FOR  HIS  INTRICATE  SHOW .  it’s  so  unlike  rj  to  look  so  solemn  &  mirth  threatens  to  give  him  away  before  he  steels  himself .  his  mouth  opens  to  really  bring  the  point  of  unadulterated  distress  home .  ( seriously  where  are  their  oscars? )  ❛ not  the  babies . ❜  task  at  hand  was  long  forgotten ,  it  seemed  offbeat  to  ask  for  sebin’s  other  hand  now  of  all  times .  ❛ there’s  no  one  better  to  be  the  ruler  of  a  hoard  of  punk  babies  than  you .  you  just  lock  eyes  with  them  across  the  room  like  a  cool  spy  movie  &  have  this  silent  acknowledgement . ❜  right ,  he’s  really  getting  carried  away  with  this  elaborate  scenario  now  but  he’s  always  been  prone  to  imagination .

      sebin  as  a  father  feels  too  far-fetched  for  even  rj’s  untamed  thoughts  &  he’d  just  been  on  a  tangent  about  being  controlled  by  a  rat .  ❛ can  i  be  the  godfather  if  you  do?  i  have  so  much  wisdom  to  pass  on  to  the  next  generation ,  little  alfredo  will  know  how  to  skate  &  rap  before  they’re  out  of  diapers . ❜  gaping  yawn  feels  too  short  to  sate  the  fatigue  that’s  belatedly  striking  him  down ,  eyes  squeezing  into  crescents  until  subliminal  motion  finishes .  relentless  insomnia  made  him  a  champ  at  delaying  rest  considering  it  took  utter  exhaustion  for  him  to  sleep .  ( at  least  he  had  company  sometimes . )  hand  beneath  sebin’s  own  wriggles ,  digits  jabbing  playfully  at  the  older’s  palm .  ❛ bring  on  the  next  challenger . ❜

[ryunhovld]

𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒂𝒆.

     from the moment hanae had been living in the dorms with the rest of the pip members, she wanted a pet so bad. whether it was a hamster, a bunny, cat, a fish, anything — she wanted something do bad. maybe it was the excitement of looking after something, or maybe it was a form of entertainment while they were living in the dorms, whichever it was, not once did the want or urge to get a pet die down. so the moment pip were allowed to move out, once hanae finally had her own place, she straight to the pet store and bought a bunny. later that day, she came home with a cute little boy mini lop bunny who ended up being called dangeun. it was safe to say that he had quickly become a kato family member. hanae loved her little dangeun, she adored him, and so did everybody who would visit her. sometimes she even had her friends visit just to see him.

     there was something about animals that comforted hanae, made her feel relaxed. back when she was a trainee, she struggled often, and there would be times when she needed a break. needed a release and time to unwind, which is how she found the legendary cat cafe. whenever she felt overwhelmed, or stressed or on the brink of a breakdown, she would visit the cafe, spend hours there just watching the cats and kittens and petting them whenever they would come to her. and because it was such a fun and nice place, hanae decided to take rj one day while they were out, and it quickly became a regular spot for them. from the moment they had entered the cafe, rj had been in pure amazement and it made hanae grin more than she had in the last week. “what, really?” she questions, eyebrows raised slightly and eyes wide as she peeks over slightly, and the cute brown cat curled up on rj’s lap makes her awe. “she’s chosen you. now you have to adopt her and keep her, it’s official.” hanae grins. as much as she knows rj would adopt her in a heartbeat, owning a pet in a form wasn’t the best idea. she’s about to speak again when a big, fluffy cat trots over and walks onto her lap, head staring at the cup of hot chocolate. she’s too slow to react before a white paw is dunked into the cream on the top of her hot chocolate. “hey, no! that’s mine, you can’t have it— rj, help me!”

     *  HE  NEVER  ANTICIPATED  BEING  SO  ATTACHED  TO  THEM .  he’s  even  got  most  of  their  names  committed  to  memory  but  he’ll  have  to  admit  some  of  them  were  uncannily  similar  in  appearance . (  you’d  think  they  were  cloned . . )  the  trainee  had  never  taken  care  of  anything  larger  or  of  the  more  furry  variety  since  his  mother  was  terribly  allergic  to  the  dander  that  often  came  along  with  them .  it  definitely  ruled  out  cats  &  dogs  in  the  household  which  probably  explains  why  he  was  so  enthralled  by  them  now .  though  rj  had  his  fair  share  of  smaller  critters  through  the  years ,  almost  exclusively  being  reptiles  with  curve  ball  of  an  amphibian .  he  still  owns  several  snakes  back  in  canada  which  were  entrusted  to  the  care  of  a  close  friend  who  loved  them  just  as  much  as  rj .

      the  cafe  was  always  a  welcome  relief  from  the  tedium  of  practice  when  he  could  afford  to  spare  time .  most  could  see  the  outgoing  soul  he  was  &  time  alone  didn’t  feel  nearly  as  fulfilling  as  time  spent  with  someone  else .  or  many  furry  friends .  mouth  falls  agape  in  mock  disbelief ,  digits  steadily  rubbing  the  back  of  the  cat’s  head  taking  a  pause .  ❛ i  could  never  deprive  anyone  who  comes  here  of  her  company .  she’s  a  real  show-stopper . ❜  there’s  no  ignoring  glaringly  obvious  fact  that  she  deserved  more  attention  than  he  had  the  time  to  give .  ❛ she  still  has  many  more  hearts  to  steal  around  here ,  it’s  her  destiny . ❜  he  pays  no  mind  to  the  arrival  of  hwindungi ,  at  least  he  thinks  that’s  hwindungi .  was  it  actually  mimi?  he  always  gets  the  two  fluffier  cats  confused  but  in  the  very  least  he’s  certain  the  cat  nestled  in  his  lap  was  kkulbbang .  

      his  deliberating  was  a  distraction  with  no  concrete  answer  while  before  his  very  eyes ,  that  perfectly  pristine  paw  dunks  into  hanae’s  drink .  ❛ hwindungi— your  pretty  paw  no! ❜  tone  is  frantic  &  strained  with  the  sudden  lunge  forward  to  thwart  disaster  in  progress .  it’s  surprisingly  graceful ,  one  hand  to  ease  any  jostling  of  honey-furred  cat  on  his  lap  while  the  other  pulled  hanae’s  mug  from  the  curious  kitty’s  reach .  why  does  he  feel  like  the  one  who’s  done  wrong?  feline  features  that  screamed  shameless  staring  back  at  him .  ❛ you  can’t  stick  your  paw  in  someone’s  drink  that’s  gross . ❜  scathing  tone  is  abandoned  in  mere  seconds  when  he  feels  the  rustling  in  his  lap .  oh  no .  hand  continues  to  stroke  assiduously  in  hopes  it  was  enough  to  keep  her  there .  ❛ i’m  sorry  for  moving  like  that .  please  don’t  go  you’re  so  cute . ❜

[ryunhovld]

[ ⊱ ⋆ · ⋆ . *  @vldhanae​  ]

      *  HIS  PASSION  FOR  ANIMALS  IS  HARDLY  A  SURPRISE .  though ,  he’d  admit  the  same  passion  extended  to  most  living  creatures .  those  countless  valiant  rescue  missions  he’d  embark  on  in  the  burning  summers  of  seogwipo  just  to  flip  over  little  beetles  who’d  fallen  belly  up .  his  mother  told  the  story  of  his  struggle  to  carry  a  watermelon  she  had  feigned  being  too  heavy  for  her  own  arms  &  that  even  after  she’d  told  him  it  was  just  a  joke ,  he  refused  to  give  up .  you  can  only  imagine  how  a  five  year  old  looked  heaving  a  watermelon  around ,  pausing  every  few  steps  to  set  it  back  on  the  ground .  great  to  see  that  stubborn  habit  of  endurance  &  kindness  was  still  alive  &  well  today .

      he’d  never  visited  seoul  before  becoming  a  trainee ,  finances  hardly  allowed  for  leisure  trips  so  far  from  home  but  it’s  not  something  that  ever  crossed  his  mind  back  then .  he  was  happy ,  wherever  family  was  is  his  home  &  he  didn’t  feel  any  real  desire  to  leave .  the  sheer  amount  of  animal  cafes  was  a  discovery  that  had  him  more  than  eager  to  visit  as  many  as  possible .  at  least ,  when  schedule  would  ever  allow .  it’d  be  a  little  tragic  to  visit  cute  fluffy  animals  without  company  &  that’s  where  hanae  had  become  his  honorary  cafe  buddy .  ❛ look  at  this  one— ❜  excitement  is  at  the  forefront  of  his  vocals ,  voice  hiked  up  a  few  octaves  while  still  trying  to  be  hushed .  ❛ i  didn’t  notice  while  i  was  petting  but  she’s  asleep  now . ❜  a  pale  brown  cat  curled  against  his  thigh ,  probably  enjoying  the  free  heating  space  &  devoted  petting .  ❛ i’m  scared  to  even  breathe  wrong— what  happens  if  she’s  still  here  when  it’s  time  to  leave?  i’m  legally  not  allowed  to  leave  if  she  is . ❜

[ryunhovld]

[  ⊱ ⋆ · ⋆ . *  @yoosungvld​​​  ]

     *  DIABLERIE  NESTLED  SINCE  FIRST  INKLINGS  OF  LIGHT  THAT  MORNING .  he’d  call  it  a  talent  truly ,  a  facet  many  might  not  expect  from  the  kindly  jewel .  though  it  was  always  less  mindless  pranks  &  more  like  good-mannered  fun  that  might  have  a  few  pinches  of  reckless .  it’d  been  this  way  for  years ,  creeping  around  with  his  friends  past  curfew  with  no  particular  destination  in  mind  or  daring  each  other  into  harmless  but  embarrassing  tasks .  a  piece  of  him  almost  abandoned ,  stowed  away  in  favor  of  his  sense  of  duty  &  left  to  gather  dust .  until  he’d  found  someone  that  blew  that  dust  away .  they  got  along  like  old  friends  despite  the  obvious  disparity  in  age  &  even  when  rj  was  cautiously  reverent  in  the  beginning .

    he’s  running  with  clear  destination  in  his  body’s  navigation  to  meet  with  that  very  soul .  ( really  it’d  be  better  categorized  as  skipping  with  the  gentle  bounce  of  each  step .  boing~  boing . )  a  designated  meeting  place  that  seemed  the  perfect  scenery  for  rj’s  promise  of  a  surprise ,  dosan  park .  it  was  chosen  for  being  beautiful  as  much  as  it  was  for  the  fact  it  was  the  middle  ground  of  distance  between  their  companies .  the  last  thing  he  wanted  was  a  hassle  or  an  eyesore  on  top  of  the  burden  that  he  was  already  toting  to  their  gathering .  what  can  he  say?  even  when  he’s  carrying  something  sinister ,  he  didn’t  have  it  in  him  to  be  the  same .

    he’d  all  but  skidded  to  a  halt  when  he’d  reached  the  distinctive  figure .  even  though  most  his  journey  was  by  bus ,  it  felt  like  he’d  taken  a  marathon  around  the  globe  to  get  there .  breath  swelling  his  lungs  was  more  than  they  could  hold  but  the  exertion  left  him  greedy .  ❛  i  got  this  chocolate  but  it’s  not  normal  chocolate .  it’s  like  soul  shriveling  spicy ,  your  grandchildren  will  feel  the  spice  &  probably  your  ancestors  too . ❜  rapid-fire ,  he’s  spitting  words  the  moment  he's  stood  before  yoosung .  he’s  a  rapper  for  a  reason .  aforementioned  hell  chocolate  was  gingerly  housed  inside  ever  fashionable  convenience  store  bag  alongside  several  flavored  milks .  ❛ did  you  order  the  delivery  i  asked  about?  i  figured  eating  it  on  an  empty  stomach  might  actually  destroy  us— or  just  me  if  you  opt  out  ‘cause  i  totally  understand .  ❜  

[humorblr]

[ryunhovld]

𝒕𝒂𝒆𝒘𝒐𝒐.

It was safe to say, Taewoo had never baked in his life. He’d barely even cooked and even then he’d usually only used a microwave oven, doing little more than heating up a dish someone else had prepared for him, giving simple instructions, and allowing him to serve it as if it were his own meal. You could always tell the difference though, between store bought and home made. Sometimes, there was a good difference, where you knew the meal you were eating was prepared with love and pride. Other times, it maybe wasn’t a bad difference, but a difference where you knew the chef wasn’t exactly full of experience when they stared creating their dish. 

Sometimes, like in this case, that chef was a baker attempting for maybe the tenth time to create hard peaks.

“It looks like if you whisk much more that it might burst into flames.” The leader teased his friend as he observed the over worked handle of the utensil, clearly RJ had been going at this for a while, if the several failed batches hadn’t made it obvious first. Fire was an element that Taewoo definitely had some experience in. Much more so than baking. At the very least if that did accidentally happen, one of them would know what to do. “Maybe you should take a break? I’m sure that what you’ve made still tastes good, even if they don’t look… Perfect.”

    *  THE  REALITY  OF  IT  CAME  CRASHING  IN  ONCE  HE  LOOKED  AT  HIS  FAILED  ATTEMPTS .  it’s  a  confectionery  wasteland  in  the  most  literal  sense  with  seemingly  no  survivors .  he  just  couldn’t  find  it  in  himself  to  accept  that  maybe  baking  wasn’t  his  forte  &  he  should  stick  to  stove  top  cooking .  (  it  would  be  so  much  easier  if  he  did . )  even  still  while  he  was  perched  on  a  mountain  of  failures ,  he’s  debating  just  how  to  fix  it .  there  had  to  be  an  easier  way ,  how  did  all  the  youtube  videos  make  it  seem  so  simple?  it  felt  like  an  astrophysicist  trying  to  explain  something  to  a  toddler  at  this  point  &  rj  was  definitely  the  toddler . 

    ❛ i  don’t  think  some  of  these  are  edible  unless  your  diet  consists  of  rocks . ❜  he  lifted  one  from  an  earlier  batch  &  proceeded  to  strike  it  against  the  counter  top  to  solidify  his  point .  the  sound  you’d  expect  is  one  so  faint  not  even  an  ant  would  hear  given  the  softness  that  was  a  staple  of  proper  macarons  but  instead  is  a  very  distinct  tap .  ❛ i  forgot  to  set  the  timer  for  these  &  came  back  maybe .  .  thirty  minutes  later?  this  thing  could  break  a  window . ❜  he’s  already  sulking ,  eyes  flooding  with  disappointment  as  he  looked  between  his  leader  &  the  weaponized  dessert  in  his  hand .  ❛ a  break  might  help ,  i’ve  been  trying  for  hours  now . ❜

[ryunhovld]

𝒈𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒘𝒐𝒐.

geonwoo sputtered loudly at ryunho’s claim, feeling heat rising to his face. people doing double takes? for him? he could understand for some of the members– someone tall and with a small face like taewoo, or sharp and princely like haneul, but for him? there had to be a mistake. not that he thought ryunho was lying or anything– he trusted the younger enough that he would never accuse him of lying outright– but there was definitely some sort of mix-up going on. 

“you– you’ve gotta be seeing things,” geonwoo insisted, slouching back into his seat to avoid ryunho’s gaze. “they weren’t looking at me. they were probably looking at you and tried to play it off or whatever. which is fine!” he emphasized the last word, throwing his hands into the air for a moment before bringing them down and crossing his arms again. “you deserve it more than i do, trust me on that one.” 

geonwoo let out a bit of a chuckle despite himself at ryunho’s exasperation. always trying to be good, always playing the peacemaker, even between a combination as volatile as sebin and geonwoo. “i don’t let most people argue against me,” he reminded, glancing at ryunho with a wry smile. “i know your heart’s in the right place, but just…” he shrugged, running out of words now that he was trying to talk about things calmly and thoughtfully. thinking before speaking had never been one of geonwoo’s strong suits. he trailed off like that, sinking down a bit lower in the chair to sulk.

    *   IT’S  DIFFICULT  FOR  RJ  TO  UNDERSTAND  THE  DISBELIEF .  he  thought  all  his  members  were  real  lookers  &  each  in  unique  ways .  he  envied  them  actually .  he  knew  he  had  a  great  deal  of  growing  to  do  but  the  puffy  baby  fat  in  his  cheeks  had  sparked  many  diets  in  an  effort  to  force  it  away .  it  wasn’t  something  he  thought  about  or  even  noticed  before  &  he  wasn’t  aware  there  was  a  problem  at  all .  heavy  suggestion  from  kmg  had  changed  his  mind .  he  looks  like  a  hamster ,  one  of  those  dwarf  ones  that  seemed  round  in  places  that  didn’t  even  make  sense .

    ❛ so  i’m  just  hallucinating  all  this  time? ❜  he’s  truly  digesting  the  information ,  lips  pursed  to  a  thin  line  to  play  it  up  for  his  next  statement .  ❛ it  makes  sense  because  i  thought  i  saw  someone  who  looked  better  than  you  yesterday  but  it  turned  out  to  be  you . ❜  a  finishing  click  of  his  tongue  while  eyes  follow  the  flail  of  geonwoo’s  hands .  he  knew  his  way  around  words  dangerously  well ,  such  a  coaxing  warmth  that  never  seemed  more  at  home  than  with  him .  (  great  power  ;  great  responsibility . )  ❛ i  don’t  know  about  deserve .  i  might  get  a  big  ego  if  people  stared  at  me  like  that . ❜

     the  sigh  felt  palpable  like  whatever  was  weighing  in  his  chest  had  simply  climbed  out  through  his  breath  &  was  floating  in  the  air  now .  (  he  could  only  hope  it  wasn’t  contagious . )  ❛ well ,  i  lose  every  argument  i  get  in  so .  . ❜  for  simple  fact  of  conceding  to  whatever  the  argument  had  sprung  from  in  the  first  place .  hostility  &  rj  was  a  near  flawless  oxymoron .  in  fact ,  it  might  just  be  in  the  dictionary  as  an  example  of  one .  he’s  grasping  at  straws  for  a  silver  lining  but  he  comes  up  empty-handed .  ❛ sorry  not  helpful . ❜

[ryunhovld]

𝒔𝒆𝒃𝒊𝒏.

“i gained everything from watching ratatouille,” sebin admits — it sounds like he’s joking, he must be, but he’s not. to call it a comfort film is a little too embarrassing, but that’s precisely what it is to him. it’s also the cause of his hidden but very real love of rodents. “it was the beginning of my inferiority complex, learning that even rodents can cook better than i can. but it was also…” he furrows his brow, trying to find the words that are supposed to come next. evidently, they’ve been lost to the absolute blackhole that is his mind. “well, i don’t know. but it made me want to raise rats. my parents wouldn’t let me, though — said something like you’re close enough to a rat already, sebin.” ( they hadn’t actually said that, but it sure seemed like they felt it. )

he balls his free hand into a fist and rolls his knuckles against the floor, pressing down until they crack. it’s a gross sound, he’ll admit, and it’s certainly not good for his hands, but it’s a habit that he can’t seem to kick. “i regret a lot about life.” it’s a sad revelation, one that he feels ( ironically ) regretful for as soon as he speaks it, but it’s already slipped out. “like, to only be twenty-one, over half of my life is already plagued with regret. i’m hoping, uh.. hoping that, um,” he fumbles, still struggling to put his thoughts into words. “i’m hoping that people will see my sick black nails and pick that up about me immediately. i want them to think that i’m either seriously brooding or seriously punk. you get me?”

   *   SUDDEN  SNORT  AT  SEBIN’S  COMMENT  NEARLY  MAKES  RJ  CHOKE .  if  he  took  a  step  back  to  truly  consider  what  some  of  their  late  conversations  were  about ,  he’d  be  reeling .  the  atmosphere  was  more  familiar  than  he  realizes ,  the  same  offbeat  topics  were  the  cornerstone  of  his  friendships  back  in  canada .  ❛ rats  are  cool  though ,  who  wouldn’t  want  to  be— ❜  his  statement  is  cut  short ,  a  wrinkle  marring  the  space  between  his  eyebrows .  ❛ i  wouldn’t  want  to  be  a  rat  actually .  imagine  thinking  you’ve  discovered  an  absolute  buffet  &  humans  ruin  it . ❜  ( please  god ,  don’t  get  emotional  about  rats . )  it’s  clear  something  in  his  head  was  churning ,  something  turning  the  gears  in  his  mind  while  he  moves  on  to  the  next  finger  to  paint .  ❛ wasn’t  the  main  guy  named  after  pasta?  who’s  idea  was  that  honestly  &  how  did  they  get  away  with  it? ❜

       how  the  conversation  had  taken  this  turn  is  definitely  a  mystery ,  it  always  felt  like  rj  should  cover  his  ears  out  of  courtesy  when  things  got  so  personal .  it  was  a  steep  slope  with  sebin ,  often  he  just  pretends  not  to  hear  things  that  he  obviously  regrets  saying .  ❛ oh  yeah ,  these  nails ?  i  can  smell  the  inner  turmoil  already— or  it’s  my  nose  hairs  burning  from  the  polish  we  can’t  really  know . ❜  he  teeters  forward  to  check  over  his  handiwork ,  a  short  swipe  to  smooth  the  most  recent  nail .  ❛ black  just  looks  cool .  a  baby  can  wear  black  &  i’d  be  cool . ❜  a  rapturous  gasp ,  next  words  spoken  like  a  secret .  ❛ a  punk  baby . ❜  

[ryunhovld]

𝒔𝒆𝒃𝒊𝒏.

“so, like —“ sebin voices, tongue darting out to wet his lips right before his hand that isn’t being polished moves to pick up his coffee cup. he swallows the dregs of it, then simply throws the container to the side. he’ll throw it away later… or someone else will. who can say for sure? “are you scared of rats in general, or just the movie? … it’s ratatouille, by the way, and his name’s remi. ratatouille is the dish that he makes.” he probably shouldn’t be so well-versed on a foreign kids’ movie, but he has to admit, it’s one of his favorites — he’d watched it countless times when studying english. “because i was thinking about asking taewoo if i could adopt a couple rats. only asking him since, you know, he’d be stuck in a room with them. but if you’re scared of them, then i won’t even think about it anymore.”

he’s torn between watching ryunho and watching his nails; ryunho’s laughter is endearing and it definitely brightens sebin’s mood to see such positivity on his face, but on the other hand ( literally ), he’s convinced that something terrible will happen if he dares to look away from his precious nails. like… maybe they’ll all disintegrate from the unfamiliar substance being applied to them, and then he’ll be fingernail-less for the rest of his life. this is a concern that he won’t dare to voice.

“you know, actually, i was very interested in what other people were doing. i mean, i still am — i’m sure you know that,” he quips, gentle laughter filling the gap until his next words. “but i tried to pretend that i didn’t care as much later on, because my curiosity got me in trouble so much. too much. my high school years… they’re… well, they’re better left alone.”

    *  CAREFUL  CONSIDERATION  HAD  RENDERED  HIS  VOCALS  FROZEN ,  teeth  busy  gnawing  away  at  his  lower  lip  while  he  dipped  the  brush  into  the  polish .  rats .  when  he  thought  about  it ,  there  wasn’t  anything  he  was  truly  afraid  of  in  terms  of  phobias ,  including  rats .  if  hunting  bugs  for  the  peace  of  mind  of  their  leader  said  anything  at  all ,  not  those  either .  ❛ ratatouille ,  that’s  it! ❜  relief  claims  his  features ,  something  settling  snug  in  his  chest  with  finding  out  what  the  actual  title  was .  a  thoughtful  hum  with  sebin’s  next  words ,  arm  suspended  in  the  air  with  brush  still  in  hand .  the  fact  sebin  would  forgo  rats  in  favor  of  rj’s  comfort  was  just  another  thing  committed  to  memory  that  went  without  mention .  ❛ i’m  positive  it  was  just  the  movie  itself  &  i  was  just  at  that  age .  i’ve  actually  not  seen  it  since  then  but  there  is  no  way  it’s  that  bad . ❜

    ❛ i  gained  nothing  from  watching  it  too .  no  enhanced  mindset ,  moral  of  the  story— ❜  click  of  his  tongue  made  a  profound  statement ,  a  precise  stroke  of  polish  to  sebin’s  index .  ❛ it  all  just  zipped  over  my  little  head  except  for  new  knowledge  that  having  a  rat  use  me  like  a  gundam  was  not  my  style .  i  even  asked  my  mom  to  shave  my  head  but  she  convinced  me  it  was  a  bad  idea  in  the  end .  it’s  no  wonder  i  turned  out  how  i  am . ❜  

    grumble  of  recognition ,  stuck  in  limbo  between  showing  he  was  listening  attentively  while  continuing  to  paint .  ❛ yeah  i  know . ❜  there’s  something  so  acutely  poignant  about  recalling  a  time  that  was  hardly  in  the  past  at  all  to  rj .  he’d  graduated  what  seemed  yesterday— something  in  his  chest  pinches  while  using  his  thumb  to  swipe  away  some  polish  on  sebin’s  skin .  ❛ i  regret  a  lot  about  high  school  but  that's  true  for  most  people  far  as  i  can  tell . ❜

[ryunhovld]

𝒋𝒂𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒏.

jaemin’s time as a trainee had been… different. between the situation that had arisen from his first ‘company’ to his sudden placement in half.life, he hadn’t exactly had the opportunities to form relationships and bonds the way most trainees did. but, now that he was debuted, he got to enjoy things a little more. he got to know trainees, learned their names, watched them grow as performers. but there was one in particular that he grew attached to. he couldn’t figure out why; there seemed to be countless young idol-wannabes that he could choose. but, despite it all, for some reason, he’d decided to claim ryunho as his. 

he’d always been more than happy to give him advice and reassurance when he’d needed it, and as danger’s debut began to slowly approach, he could tell the nerves and excitement were beginning to kick in. he offered the young man a smile when a question finally bubbled forth and he crossed one leg over the other, mindlessly beating the teabag in his cub around, watching the color bleed out into the hot water. “i didn’t have time to wait. i was kind of thrown into things head first. but i know nerves are very normal.” he chuckled a bit and leaned back, examining his face closely. “how have you been? how’s your group been? being in the recording studio for the first time for an actual project is… overwhelming. and very different than just singing into a microphone onstage.”

    *  HE’D  LOOKED  UP  TO  JAEMIN  FOR  AS  LONG  AS  HE  CAN  REMEMBER .  a  soothing  presence  that  seemed  to  radiate  comfort  in  a  time  where  rj  was  most  frantic .  he’d  never  known  what  it  was  like  to  have  an  older  brother ,  but  he’d  always  hoped  for  one  like  jaemin .  ( funny  how  that  all  works  out . )  encountering  any  of  his  seniors  always  had  him  star-struck  &  fumbling  over  himself  like  a  toddler  learning  to  walk  but  increased  tenfold  seeing  half.life .  ( wow  they  looked  so  much  cooler  in  person .  )  there  must  of  been  something  jaemin  saw ,  maybe  rj  had  emitted  just  as  much  of  a  lost  &  nervous  aura  as  he’d  felt  in  his  chest  back  then .  he’d  never  really  asked  which  seemed  a  little  strange  considering  all  the  questions  that  seemed  to  never  stop .  he’d  probably  subconsciously  lumped  it  in  as  being  taboo ,  that  if  he  asked  about  it  jaemin  would  suddenly  vanish  to  dust  before  his  eyes .

    his  time  in  the  industry  pales  in  comparison  to  most ,  often  felt  like  a  pathetic  puppy  trying  to  look  strong  &  fierce  amidst  a  pack  of  wolves .  it’s  so  unlike  him  to  feel  small  with  that  resolute  heart  but  arriving  at  kmg  had  significantly  dimmed  his  confidence .  ❛ oh , ❜  such  a  muted  sound  from  his  throat ,  pupils  following  motion  of  the  teabag  suffusing  the  water .  ❛ not—  oh  my  god .  i  didn’t  mean  it  like  that .  just  that  i  couldn’t  have  guessed  now  because—  i’m sorry— ❜  he’s  spitting  out  words  faster  than  his  brain  could  spin  them ,  body  going  limp  spontaneously  as  he  bowed .  he  was  just  a  hair  away  from  face-planting  into  the  table  but  maybe  jaemin  didn’t  really  notice .  his  spine  straightened  again  like  he’s  puppet  on  a  string ,  eyes  earnest  as  ever .  ❛ danger ?  things  are— ❜  don’t  lie ,  don’t  lie ,  don’t  lie .  ❛ well ,  they’re  okay .  same  thing  i’ve  talked  about  before  with  a  lot  of  arguments .  i  guess  i  can’t  actually  stop  all  of  them  from  happening .  ❜  he  wanted  to .  ❛  the  studio  was  not  anything  like  i  expected .  i’ve  made  plenty  of  awful  beats  on  the  computer  when  i  was  younger  but  being  in  an  actual  studio  made  me  realize  how  far  i’d  come  on  a  professional  level .  ❜ 

[ryunhovld]

𝒔𝒂𝒆𝒃𝒚𝒖𝒍.

[  for: @ryunhovld​  ]

whenever saebyul talks to her mother, she always asks the same question. ‘who looks out for you when i don’t?’ up until recently, the answer had always been the same. ‘me.’ it was the honest truth. ever since she moved to seoul, saebyul didn’t have any friends that watched over her. she constantly had a brave face on, for the sake of her members and herself. she didn’t want to burden anyone with her own problems or troubles, and presented herself as a pillar of strength for those around her. and then she met ryunho, and found that she didn’t have to put on a mask in front of him. he was always so genuine, he really cared about her life and her feelings, and it showed. his happy and encouraging persona made him one of her best friends, and her go to person when she was having a hard time keeping herself together, like today. nothing seemed to be going right for saebyul, and she felt like just giving up. it was the worst day ever.  

it was a gloomy day. the clouds were a murky shade of gray, and the dark streets glistened with rainwater from the morning showers. the depressing scenery only provoked saebyul’s stress and disappointment. she was so tired of being herself, so tired of letting people walk all over her like a doormat. sighing heavily, saebyul turned her attention to the man sitting in front of her. despite being younger, he was extremely helpful and an amazing listener. she shared all of her worries, frustrations, fears, and dreams with him, and she received his undying support, in return. thinking about their friendship, she couldn’t help cracking a small smile. “why do you even put up with me, ryunho?” 

      *  TRULY  AN  UNFORESEEN  BOND  THEY’D  FORMED  TOGETHER ,  two  kindly  souls  prone  to  service .  though  in  all  honesty ,  didn’t  rj  find  himself  in  all  kinds  of  connections  that  couldn’t  be  predicted?  it  was  in  his  nature  to  befriend  &  even  deeper still ,  to  understand  things  that  were  beyond  himself .  he  &  saebyul  were  definitely  more  alike  than  they  were  different  at  least  compared  to  some  of  his  other  friendships .  role  of  support  was  one  they  both  took  on ,  that  innate  sense  to  offer  out  a  hand  to  someone  struggling  up  a  hill .  cut  from  the  same  cloth ,  no  doubt .  rj  himself  was  also  too  stubborn  to  let  others  see  him  at  anything  less  than  his  best ,  the  most  divine  irony  to  nurse  others  when  they  needed  it  but  refusing  that  same  tender  care  for  himself .  he  took  great  comfort  in  knowing  he  wasn’t  alone ,  that  the  steady  posts  of  society  like  saebyul  that  seemed  so  untouchable  also  needed  to  reach  out .  that  flickering  little  firefly  letting  you  know  the  dark  wasn’t  all  that  terrible  after-all .

      ❛ oh  you’re  kidding— you’ve  got  to  be .  you’re  the  one  putting  up  with  me .   ❜   effervescent  burst  of  laughter  is  his  instinctual  response ,  he’d  render  every  gentle  lamb  envious  with  just  how  saccharine  his  smile .  picturesque  view  of  clouded  sky  is  ideal  for  some ,  a  place  to  collect  thoughts  or  daydream  but  it  always  proved  to  be  a  breeding  ground  for  bad  moods  to  rj .  he’d  say  he  had  a  solid  grip  on  his  own  mental  state  &  that  deeper  understanding  of  his  moods  or  aches  was  his  saving  grace  but  there  was  just  something  about  cloudy  days .  ❛ should  i  start  trying  to  count  how  many  times  i  have  tripped  carrying  our  drinks ? ❜

[ryunhovld]

𝒈𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒘𝒐𝒐.

geonwoo listened to ryunho, still jittering away anxiously in his chair, until he mentioned the word hot. abruptly, his fidgeting stopped, and he turned to look at his friend. “dude, what?’ he asked, face contorted in confusion. “that– i’m not even hot, what the hell.”

geonwoo wasn’t stupid enough to think he was the best looking guy in danger. he was on the shorter side, a bit stockier (although he’d tried to turn that to his advantage by working out), and his crooked tooth– while endearing to some– didn’t do him any favours. he wasn’t self-conscious about his looks; rather, he was simply self-aware. he wasn’t the best looking, and he certainly wouldn’t describe himself as hot. 

“and are you saying you’re not hot?” geonwoo added, crossing his arms and frowning. ryunho was too nice to put himself down like this. “because you are. better than that… jerk i’m gonna have to pretend to be friends with on camera.” he nodded his head over his shoulder vaguely, not quite sure where sebin was– and frankly, not caring. “it should have been me and you doing this part. but you got a good part anyways, so…” 

    *   HIS  HEART  WAS  ALIGHT ,  currently  hellbent  on  burning  him  from  the  inside . conviviality  rolled  into  his  chest  like  thunder  &  there  was  no  mistaking  the  pyre  it  had  lit  behind  his  eyes .  his  slumped  posture  is  abandoned  in  a  flash ,  pulling  himself  up  using  armrests  as  his  anchor .  ❛ you  are  so  hot ,  like  unfairly .  do  you  know  how  many  times  i  see  people  doing  double  takes  for  you?  a  lot . ❜

       admittedly ,  the  amusement  he  got  from  catching  someone  staring  at  one  of  his  members  was  a  new  favorite .  he’d  given  more  than  a  few  knowing  looks  to  people  averting  their  eyes  once  they  were  caught  in  the  act .  their  faces  always  shifting  between  awe  to  embarrassment  faster  than  he’d  ever  seen .  of  course  some  were  more  shameless ,  no  matter  the  reaction  he  was  proud  to  be  in  a  group  with  all  of  them .  reasonably  though ,  their  talents  were  what  truly  made  him  proud  to  say  he  belonged  to  danger .

      ❛ hot’s  not  the  right  word  for  me .  i’m  more  like— mmh ,  i  don’t  know  actually . ❜  the  fire  blazing  behind  his  ribs  wavered ,  like  a  wick  of  a  candle  being  surrounded  by  the  very  wax  it  had  burned .  he  gauged  the  reaction  of  the  older  immediately  with  uncertainty  bunched  his  torso .  it  felt  so  bitter  to  hear  him  talk  like  this ,  he  couldn’t  help  but  wonder  if  it’d  ever  get  better . ❛ you’re  not  gonna  let  me  argue  against  this  are  you? ❜  feet  shuffle  on  the  set  floor  with  an  exasperated  sigh .  ❛ yeah— but  hey ,  i  know  it’ll  come  out  looking  great .  you  look  cool  as  hell . ❜

[ryunhovld]

𝒚𝒆𝒏𝒂.

april 20th was a free day, and it marked the beginning of the end of b3 tru’s run. as much as she had found the experience valuable so far, yena couldn’t wait to get home. she missed her dorm room. she missed her own bedsheets. weirdly enough, she missed running around after her friends’ messes most of all. yena achieved a lot of emotional fulfillment from helping others, but she hadn’t had the opportunity to over the last couple of weeks. back at summit, she didn’t have much time to either, yet she still managed to make it work.

she wondered if it would always be like this once lark finally debuted? and what would it be like for her friends in danger, who’d so graciously been freed from the obligation of attending the training camp?

@ryunhovld‘s face flashed up on her phone, like she’d summoned him. yena picked up immediately, never one to leave a friend hanging.

“rj, hi!” she chirped. “before you ask, i’m doing fine. everything here is about as boring as you’d expect. you’re not missing out on anything.”

   *  WALTZING  TOWARDS  THE  EDGE  OF  A  CLIFF  WITH  NO  SAFETY  NET  BELOW .  once  he  made  the  plunge ,  there  was  no  guarantee  what  was  to  come  of  him .  he’d  be  at  the  whims  of  everything  at  once ,  but  he’d  reasoned  that  at  least  he  wasn’t  jumping  alone .  the  anticipation  for  that  final  leap  into  debut  was  both  the  most  nerve-wracking  moment  of  his  life  &  most  exciting .  while  his  mind  had  wandered  to  what  other  trainees  were  doing  at  b3  tru  camp ,  it  made  the  reality  of  debut  that  much  clearer  for  simple  fact  he  &  his  members  weren’t  in  attendance .  he’s  grateful  for  that  but  it  didn’t  stop  him  from  pondering .

     luckily  enough  he  knew  someone  to  help  push  down  the  curiosity ,  someone  he  didn’t  hesitate  in  calling  up  once  that  realization  set  in .  yena .  delight  is  swirling  itself  over  his  lips  just  on  hearing  her  greeting  &  telltale  little  crinkle  creasing  his  nose .  ❛ you  really  covered  all  the  bases  just  like  that? ❜  a  wisp  of  laughter ,  adjusting  his  phone  in  his  hand .  ❛ i  was  hoping  you  had  some  stories— it  can’t  be  that  boring .  ❜ 

[lsaaaaaac]

Be the flower that gives its fragrance to even the hand that crushes it.

Imam Ali (via mlkybabe)

[ryunhovld]

𝒕𝒂𝒆𝒘𝒐𝒐.

For the majority of the day, Taewoo had done his best to stay out of the dorm’s kitchen. The aroma of what could only be described as a sweet mixture of sugar and fruits had filled their shared living accommodation, but the leader couldn’t have told you what his group member was baking if you’d asked. He decided to leave the other to his own devices, only making his way into the area if there was something he really felt he needed. The few times he’d stepped foot into the kitchen, it constantly seemed like the other was trying to create the same thing over, and over again, but he wasn’t exactly sure what the problem was.

With his head stuck in the fridge, he reached in to grab out a cold bottle of water, the lid making that satisfying click sound as he opened it to take a long sip. Danger had been afforded a quiet, relaxing afternoon, so Taewoo himself had been remodelling his island on animal crossing. He had never been one for baking, or many other indoor activities. Most of his interested were more focused to the outdoors. Humming out at the question, the taller male padded over to where RJ’s several attempts at what appeared to be flat macaroons were lay out on the counter, tilting his head as he examined them. “I think these ones are a little thicker,” the leader pointed out, unsure if what he was pointing at were one of the first, or the more recent batches. “What about it are you trying to change each time? Isn’t there something about like, the longer you whisk the eggs the more air gets them in, or something? Are you using an electric mixer? Do we even have one of those?”

Mostly, he was talking about of his ass, but maybe something he said would offer some help.

    *  IT’D  BE  A  WONDER  IF  HE  CAME  OUT  OF  THIS  WITHOUT  MORE  MUSCLE .  his  arms  were  practically  screaming  for  a  break ,  pleading  for  him  to  relax .  they  had  been  for  a  while  now  really  but  he’d  gotten  to  be  an  expert  at  ignoring  those  sensations .  he  held  a  puzzling  pride  in  how  he  can  hold  a  facade  like  no  other  but  the  bursts  of  hot  air  from  him  as  he  mixed  were  clear  enough .  this  was  a  ridiculous  situation  to  be  in  no  matter  what  angle  you  saw  it  from ,  his  own  stubbornness  was  running  him  into  the  ground .  he  had  to  see  this  through ,  had  to  produce  a  finished  product  that  didn’t  look  like  a  pancake .  his  relentless  whisking  took  a  pause  when  his  leader  drew  closer ,  his  own  eyes  scanning  over  the  various  failures .  some  were  severely cracked ,  others  were  smooth  but  still  no  less  flat .

    he’d  checked  everywhere  online  at  this  point  &  while  he’d  found  more  than  a  few  solutions ,  it  never  seemed  like  he  was  able  to  execute  the  fix .  over-mixing  was  a  huge  problem  come  to  find  out ,  once  he  added  the  rest  of  the  ingredients  it  just  never  felt  like  everything  combined  properly .  it  became  a  game  of  trying  to  mix  as  few  times  as  possible  while  still  incorporating  everything .  what  a  shitty  game  that  was . ( what  kind  of  maniac  saw  lumps  in  any  batter  and  didn’t  want  to  try  to  mix  more? )  ❛ at  least  i’m  getting  closer  then . ❜  drawn  out  hum ,  lips  pursing  while  he  stared  down  at  the  bowl  of  frothy  whites .  ❛ mix  too  much  or  not  enough ,  both  can  mess  it  up .  i  want  hard  peaks  not  soft ,  whatever  that  means .  if  it’s  mixed  too  much  you  have  to  start  over . ❜  a  nod  that's  damn  near  philosophical  while  he  waved  around  the  flimsy  whisk  between  his  digits .  ❛ i’ve  just  got  this  trusty  whisk  here ,  his  handle  isn’t  looking  too  good  but  i  think  he’s  hanging  in  there .  ❜

[shez-a-dove-deactivated20161204]

my talent is coming off warm and inviting and open but still remaining a fairly closed off person