❝ she pushed you off a cliff with love, ❞ you correct, teasing grin on your features as you point back at her.
maybe it wasn’t love, but you believe so anyway. that’s how you feel now, even looking back on your first days together. you hardly knew them back then, yet thinking of how easy and how fast it was for you to call them your family, you don’t like to believe that anything between all of you was less than that: love, care, compassion. you’d give your life for them in a heartbeat —- each and every one of them, no hesitation and no question. you’d trade places with them. you know that billy felt the same, that he would have been content knowing that it was only him to go. you didn’t know it back then, but these people would change your life. they would change YOU and everything you ever knew about yourself. you’re not the cold, distant, careless guy you used to paint yourself as —- you’re someone who would give everything you have just to see these people smile. especially her.
❝ and you don’t blame her for that, do ya? she just wanted you to be part of the team. ❞ you all did. you felt it back then too, that if she didn’t agree to go along with all of you on any of this, you wouldn’t have the strength you do with everyone included now. you need her. all of them, they’re too valuable to lose —– if you really lost billy, you’d all fall apart. it’s a comforting thought, despite how scary it is too, because that means that you really are worth something, and that fuels you to keep being better ( for them, for your mom, for you. ) ❝ i don’t believe it for a second, yenno. i think i’m her favorite. ❞ proud smile grows over your features, but the look in your eyes tells her that you don’t truly believe that, and that’s okay. you’ve spent most of your time getting to know trini, because you’ve always felt a closer connection to her. she’s comfortable for you.
as soon as she hits you, you scoff dramatically, moving your hand to hold over the area. ❝ damn, crazy girl, you forget that you’re the strongest, ❞ you taunt, and maybe that’s not true, or maybe it is. in your eyes, she has more strength than just physical. it’s emotional, too. you see it in her everyday —- she’s here because she keeps fighting, and you want to give her credit for that.
“ she didn’t even know my name. ” not that you gave many people the opportunity to find out. the only time your name had ever been called around her was the first day of bio during attendance, your name in the middle of the others, easy to forget. you hadn’t even bothered to correct the teacher until after class, because the thought of calling out trini in front of all the others nearly paralyzed you with anxiety. and you managed to slip beneath the radar after that, like you always have, invisible amongst the crowd. except to zack, apparently. he’s the only one that bothered to find out your name.
which was weird. before him, nobody really cared enough to do that.
being included was another weird thing for you. having them all chase after you that monday after the trainwreck, all insisting that you talk to them, figure everything out together. you’d assumed it was out of pity at first. that they were only bothered because you’d been there, too, the night of the explosion, because they felt obligated to ask you to come with them to figure things out, that they’d just shrug it off and forget all about you after you declined. instead, you got dragged into the revine, and you became a part of them, whether you initially wanted to be or not.
“ billy’s probably her favorite, actually. ” he’s probably all of your favorites, or close to it. whether that’s because he’s the one that brought you all together, or because he literally died for you ( because of you ), you’re not exactly sure. or maybe it’s just because he’s billy.
for a moment, you almost consider hitting him again, but harder, just to watch him dramatically complain, but you keep your hands to yourself, bunching the cuffs of your sleeves in your hands instead. “ shut up. it was just a slap. you’ll live. unfortunately. ”