Gym double whammy.
First let me preface this by telling you all that I’m not really that afraid of germs, I’m not that squeamish. If you’ve got a cold I’m not going to avoid you. If you share my drink I’m not going to wipe the cup after your lips touch it. I’ll steal food off your plate and totally believe in the 5-second rule; however, this shit really messed me up.
So going to the gym is something I really enjoy doing. It’s like my meditation time, a place where I can take a break from the world and just do my own thing. After a good workout I also enjoy sitting in the steam room or hot tub to relax and let my mind wander. It’s like the icing on the cake, don’t judge me. This inevitably leads to the need to shower afterward, while this has upsides and downsides, both of which I’ll address another day in another blog, what happened to me yesterday left my skin crawling.
My post-workout routine goes like this: grab sandals (I might not be afraid of germs, but no one wants foot fungus), take off my clothes, put on swim shorts. grab towel, walk to showers, hang towel on wall, hit the hot tub. Super simple. Then I just have to walk to the showers when I’m done, grab my towel and shower. Boom! Easy.
So, long story short, yesterday, after I left the hot tub and went to the showers, I went to grab my towel…and it wasn’t there! I was surprised to say the least. I stood there for about a minute. I looked down the row of showers. No towel. I wondered if I had just forgotten to bring it. I definitely had. Then I looked behind me. There stood a man, late 40s, fumbling through his gym bag, while wearing MY TOWEL around his waist. There was no question, he had used my towel to dry himself off, and there was nothing I could do about it. His eyes met mine, and then he realized what he had done. He looked at me and said, “Oh! Is this your towel?” As if it was a question. I mean honestly, how the hell do you not know what your own towel looks like?! I looked and him and said, “Yes.” A look of disgust undoubtedly resonating on my face. Then he proceeded to take it off and hand it back to me.
Now, in a situation like this, one must demonstrate a certain level of tact and understanding. I did neither. Instead, I looked at the man, waved my hand and said, “Keep it.” Then, in my best shade throwing, F-U bitch demonstration I whipped around, walked to my locker, and grabbed my sweat towel. At that point I would rather use my sweaty gym towel to dry off than one some stranger used to dry his ass and balls with. I mean, germs or no germs, there was no way I was going to rub my body with someone else’s ass juice.
When I got back to the shower and started the water the next worst thing happened. The old man showering across the way decided he would weigh in on the situation. “Did he just use your towel?” he asked. I replied, “Yes.” Now mind you, we are both naked by this point. We were in the shower after all for crying out loud. Then the man proceeded to tell me a story about how the same thing has happened to him. This would have been just fine, only he went around in circles telling the story to the point where it just got awkward that the two of us were standing in the showers talking…naked. It was enough that I was already traumatized by they towel incident, I didn’t need to add on a conversation with a stranger, sans clothes.
I finally got to shower in peace, dry myself off with a tiny little sweat towel, and leave the gym with a shred of dignity.
As I went to bed that night I laid there and wondered just how ambivalent I really was toward germs. Would I have been OK to just use the towel after he had already dried himself off with it? I mean, was there really any risk? I started to list off all the possible diseases I might be able to contract from a situation like that and it just grossed me out even more. I guess in the end I’ll never know how valid those concerns were, but honestly who cares. There is an absolute when it comes to lines, and crossing them, and in that particular situation it was definitely too much even for me. Share your germs with me, but keep your balls and ass a safe distance away. Thanks.
I'd rather be fat.
