Sad Dad Adventures

[depsidase]

[sadderdadder]

I'm so tired of hearing about self-made men! No one is really self-made. We all had help. But these rich people would have been rich regardless of what they decided to do with their lives, and anything they tried would have eventually succeeded because they had indefinite money to throw at their businesses.

[sadderdadder]

I feel like I have become apathetic level 1000. I just don't care. Caring is too much effort. Deeply in debt. Oh well, let then garnish my wages and when they do I will quit my job. Wife won't sleep with me or even speak to me kindly anymore. Oh well what can be done about it? Oh well. The world is on fire and evil is everywhere. I voted , what else can i do. Keeping my head down and trying to avoid the news. Have no friends. I'll just talk to myself whenever I am alone. I can't find a fulfilling full time job and overall just feel like a fuck up.That's just the cards I've been dealt. I put what little effort I have left in to trying to be a good dad.

I'm just disappointed. The adult life I envisioned throughout my childhood might have been unrealistic at times, but the life I live now is almost in no way like that fantasy life.

[roomba-with-knives-taped-to-it]

For some reason the versions of this where he gives two salutes is being deleted and replaced with a version with a quick cut to a cheering crowd so I’ll just share it here 🙃

[sadderdadder]

I guess people saying Elon didn't do a Nazi salute and was just an awkward snap shot hasn't seen the video or is blind.

[princesserica84]

"So this is how liberty dies... With thunderous applause."

[daily-spooky]

[tshifty]

oh my god...

so the first screenshot is trying to look this up on tiktok normally, "donald trump rigged election" and it says that search violates community guidelines.

the second screenshot is looking up the same exact thing, but with a (australian) vpn on. canadian vpn didn't fix it fyi.

THIS is exactly the type of censorship to be looking out for on tiktok. this actually is crazy.

[sadderdadder]

It was always about censorship.

[sadderdadder]

Life is sad, but Red Book is giving me life. I created an account when I heard that people who were looking for a tik tok replacement were using it. Its another social media app from china. The Chinese people are very friendly and I find the video sharing daily life interesting. Honestly I prefer it to tik tok. Not sure why but tik tok algorithm immediately started showing me triggering stuff. ( conspiracy theories, violent events, and tragedies) meanwhile "my Chinese spy" already knew I liked vegan food and cute animals.

I said in a previous post that I felt like I couldn't do anything about the state of the world becuase I am drowning in my own problems. Maybe I can do a little something by trying to befriend every group that trump tries to target , slander , or alienate.

Only down side, is I was exceptionally unproductive today becuase I was exploring Red Book.

[sadderdadder]

I'm 42 and have worked so many jobs. I fear though I have become a bad employee. I'm not lazy. I'm not late all the time. I don't do bad work. No actually I care too much and I am too principled. Anyone reading this, will probably think...no no sad dad guy you're just a difficult personality. But hear me out.

I worked in my youth for a handful of good managers and a few small businesses. I learned that an employer can treat employees fairly or at least better than their competition and still make a profit.

Fast forward to today. A shift to lean management and high turnover being accepted as a cost to doing business. There has been a culture shift. It's concerning and now it's hard for me to find work and be satisfied with the treatment or compensation.

My wife and I argue a lot. One thing she has always said and is right about is that I should be self employed.

Years ago I wrote a business plan for a comic and gaming store. A friend of mine at the time worked at one of the most successful comic shops in the southeast. He pitched the plan to a couple people and nothing came of it. I should have just emptied my retirement funds, which by now have largely been depleted, and opened the shop.

At present I have returned to Starbucks...for the third time. I have a college degree , but I had to take time off and work overnight retail during the pandemic to care for family and to self isolate to reduce the chance of spreading covid to someone who was vulnerable and unwell. Before leaving my full time job, I tried to get a leave of absence but there was a lot of push back. Then a coworker died and my boss was kind of like whatever back to work. I knew I had to leave to take care of my family.

Now no one will hire me. I went back to starbucks as a last resort. An old friend was running the particular store and I believed that I would have a good work environment. Well, a little over ten years of working at Starbucks and a dream to one day work his way to district manager and then up the corporate ladder has molded said friend in to a tyrant, who had zero tact. Literally coached on breaks and written up for making a small mistake once. ( I missed a high variance count)

Also I am running a shift with two other employees, most of the times. When I left starbucks last time, mobile orders were not catching on just yet. Now I am at a store that gets mobile orders, has a drive thru, and a decent sized cafe. All of us in the store and in constant motion. We used to have more people scheduled on the floor years ago but starbucks has been focused on "process improvement" and "optimal work routines" for years now. This is business speak for -how can we reduce labor costs and make the changes look desirable to our workforce. Sure I can move constantly in a "planted position" and also develop repetive motion injuries as well.

After all that hustling for the siren, my paycheck after taxes is between 1000 to 1200 dollars every two weeks....

I have been putting a lot of focus in to my small business and recently started a new project. I have one llc that I run all my projects through. I just want to be self-employed. I need to be paid more and to have a better work environment.

I want to have time for acting again and drawing. I want to spend time with my daughter and improve my marriage, if possible.

My current life situation is just not sustainable.

[sadderdadder]

A couple days a week, including today, I usually hang out at the mall. Tiny human gets out of school before wife is done with work, so I tag along to pick kiddo up and then wife. I usually just spiral into anxiety while mall walking. Not fun. I work 5 days and then hang out at the mall two days. So it's kind of like I never get a day off and I've been on this schedule for about 4 months. We can't afford another car and soon my wife won't be working remote any of her work week and it's bound to get worse.

I feel about as alone as I have ever felt. I feel like an alien observer trying to pretend to be a human. It's rough. It's strange to feel this way in a public place.

Social media is generally more toxic than ever, so I came back to Tumblr because I felt like it was too strange and people wouldn't flock here with their same political and triggering content. I just feel overwhelmed by every new news story. People are suffering everywhere, but I feel like I am drowning so I can't help them.

I thought it would be nice to blog where I wouldn't have to censor or get fake sympathy for some random people I haven't seen in person for decades.

I'm just trying to use this new note book to track progress toward my goal and soon I will be placating my self with a vegan tortilla soup bowl from qdoba

My goal of blogging here is to feel some connection to humans and sort my mind out a bit by writing. It would also be nice to make a friend or two.