Today when I was going through the dialogue files again I discovered there actually are lines that are supposed to trigger when you use Rolan's Firestorm in the final battle, but for some reason they just don't actually ever trigger? At least not in any of the (six) times I've done that fight.
(it still makes me proud of our little wizard to read these, though đ„Č)
In which Rolan is forced to make a difficult choice.
Full chapter on AO3
"Is it truly the Nightsong, then?" Rolan timorously asks, hoping against hope the answer will be no. "That light we saw in the sky?"
"Do you seek to provoke me or are you simply an imbecile? Of course it's the Nightsong? What else would all this be for?!" He gestures at the myrmidons flanking him on either side; the empty space between them quavers and warps like a heat mirage, arcane residue from the siphon binding the elementals to the archmage, allowing him to draw on their power and channel their wrath. He nods at Krank and Miklaur, the former with its bow held high, the latter unarmed but equally on the defensive, fists clenched in readiness for a fight. Then Lorroakan turns back to him, a fanatical blaze crackling in his eyes that makes Rolan recoil when he draws closer. "Ramazith's Tower stands at the ready for me to claim what is mine by rights! Today is the coda to all my sacrifice and struggle, my efforts and endurance!"
Mouth stretching into a pale imitation of a smile, he continues, "Of course, I must give you your laurels. I doubt that little gnomish twit would have changed her mind and surrendered the Nightsong without your persuasion, although I'm sure you made it worth her time, eh?" Lorroakan winks suggestively; acid rises in Rolan's throat.
"I had nothing to do with it." And she hasn't given you anything yet.
"Didn't you? Well, no matterâshe and her compatriots will be duly rewarded for their assistance." He speaks as though everything is said and done, all the while skirting around the hollyphant in the room. If he's so confident they'll hand over the Nightsong today (unlike their prior meeting, which left him so livid he'd almost burned down the library in a drunken rage), what need is there for this show of force?
"Suppose they reject your offer again. Are we meant to fight to the death over a relic?"
For a moment Lorroakan's nostrils flare, though he recovers quickly, features smoothing over as he considers his apprentice with bland condescension. "Sacrifice is the cost of greatness, Rolan. Some are born to make sacrifices on their path to glory, while others are born to be sacrificed in service to that end. Which, I wonder, are you?" Scorn oozes from his every syllable. It's clear he's already decided on the answer.
Hard to say what disturbs Rolan more: hearing his master call him by his name instead of 'boy', 'you oaf', or some other insulting variation along those lines; or hearing him spout a philosophy so ruthless it could've been plucked straight from his dead mother's lips. Greatness comes from sacrifice. Magic comes from pain. Lessons she'd drilled into him before he even knew how to read, the foundation upon which his whole life was built. The archmage may take him for a fool and a coward, someone too weak-willed to cough up the price distinction demands, but he is none of those things. If he were, he would never have come here in the first place.
Standing, as always, in Lorroakan's shadow, he gazes up at the thousands of tomes slotted into their shelves, climbing higher than he can see, each book holding secrets he longs to unearth. He still hasn't been permitted to read a single one. Now he imagines them calling out, reassuring him of his destiny. This is where you belong. Do as your master commandsâhelp him obtain the Nightsongâand all our knowledge, all our power, will be yours. One relic is but a pittance for the wisdom of centuries.
Then he thinks of Es, who puts no price on her aid, yet willingly offers so much of her own blood and sweat for others. Who always looks at him with kindness, finding qualities worth admiring where he only finds flaws. Where does someone like her fit in Lorroakan's philosophy? She's a good person. She's his friend. A relic may be a trifling sum to pay for greatness, but can the same be said for Es' life, or for those of her companions? Is he truly strong enough to watch them all bleed out on the altar of his ambition?
They'll soon find out. A shadow glides past the window. Lorroakan sucks back a gasp, hurriedly rushing to take a seat and arrange himself in an affected pose; at random he selects a book from the piles stacked high beside his throne, suspending it in midair with a quick wrist snap and a glimmer of magic, feigning interest in its contents. "Eyes forward, boy," he hisses. "Our guests are here."
Thank you @tynithia for tagging me, I've never done one of these before â€ïž
A snippet from the next chapter of Magic Comes From Pain:
Following his return from the park late yesterday evening it had taken ages for him to fall asleep. Not an oddity in itself: he and insomnia are old friends, brought even closer by Lorroakanâs âlessonsâ, which tend to leave him too sore to drift off easily. What set last night apart, however, was the parade of images keeping him awake well into the small hours, dancing behind his eyelids even after heâd pinched them shut and buried his face in the mattressâevery last one concerning a certain chipper gnome with an easy smile and a clever tongue. Heâd recalled the warm press of Esâ body against his own as vividly as if she were lying in bed beside him; felt a phantom tingle on his cheek the whole night through, an invisible brand marking the spot where she had kissed him. And when, shortly before dawn, the storm caterwauling outside jolted him from a hard-earned dozeârattling the stained glass windows in his bedroom with such violence he feared they would shatterâhis chief concern was not for himself but for Es, camped in the open by the harbour. I hope she took cover before the storm hit.
But why should he worry? Es has made it very clear she doesnât want his aid or anxiety, told him point blank how little she expects from him. âYou have enough problems of your own. I wonât burden you with mine.â Sheâs not wrong. Lorroakan is still a tyrant, Rolan is still just a tyrantâs apprentice, and until a solution for either quandary can be found thereâs not much he can offer her in the way of genuine assistance, even if he wants to help.
In which Rolan and the tieflings depart Elturel and run into trouble on the road
Link to chapter on AO3
Weâre making a terrible mistake, Rolan grimly thinks to himself as he scrutinizes his familyâs traveling companions for the next tenday.
Theyâre gathered just outside Elturelâs walls at the northwest gate: the final bunch of tieflings to leave the city and begin their forced exile. A group composed of all ages and genders, varying levels of physical fitness, andâat least to Rolanâs eyeâin possession of absolutely no common sense or practicality. When Zevlor told him a caravan would be departing for Baldurâs Gate, heâd imagined an orderly but expeditious procession of carts and wagons making their way towards the coast, with armed guards to protect them from bandits on the road. If heâd known they would be expected to walk all the way to their new home in the company of old women, children, and other people who are destined to become arrow fodder should they encounter any trouble along the way, he never wouldâve allowed his siblings to cajole him into being here. Thereâs safety in numbers, yes; but that protection is severely diminished when the ânumbersâ in question canât move faster than a brisk crawl, or when less than a third of them look like they could hold their own in a fight.
Truth be told, Rolan would still be bitter about joining the caravan even if it had been comprised primarily of Hellriders on warhorses. Heâs restless to begin his work with Lorroakan, is terrified that with every second heâs delayed his new master grows more impatient. From his offer letter alone, Rolan can tell the Archmage is not a man who tolerates tardiness, no matter how valid the excuse. What will happen to his family if they arrive in Baldurâs Gate only to find that Lorroakan has rescinded his apprenticeship? Rolan has only just begun to accustom himself to having a tentative sort of hope for the future. For that to be taken from him once more would destroy him entirely. But trying to persuade Cal and Lia they should make their way to the city with all hasteâand that the best way to do this was by traveling alone, just the three of them and what few possessions they had leftâhad been like pulling teeth from a Mimic.
âWeâre not abandoning them, theyâre our people!â Lia had yelled in outrage. âI know youâre selfish but I canât believe youâd even think of doing something like that!â
âTheyâre not 'our people', theyâre a bunch of bloody strangers with whom we have no ties apart from being gods-forsaken tieflings! I doubt our absence would even be noticed!â
âOh for fuckâs sake, Rolan, if youâre so preoccupied with your precious apprenticeship that youâd turn your back on our kin, why donât you just go to Baldurâs Gate on your own? Cal and I can travel with the caravan and meet you there, problem bloody solved!â
This stung worse than any other insult or curse his sister could have flung at him. Everything heâs done since they were dragged to Avernus has been for the benefit of his family; heâs kept them alive, devoted every ounce of energy he has to their wellbeing, driven himself near to madness finding someplace for them to go where they could be safe and happy, together. And while, yes, he is eagerly anticipating all the opportunities for magical scholarship that his apprenticeship will afford him, its primary appeal rests in the fact that itâs the best chance, the only chance, the three of them have to begin a new life together. He loves his family. Theyâre all he has. For Lia to so blithely suggest that he sod off and travel aloneâleaving his younger siblings at the mercy of whatever rogues the caravan will indubitably encounterâcuts into his heart like a knife. Does she truly believe him capable of abandoning themâwhen he canât bring himself to even think of his life without Cal and Lia? Or is she fully aware of his feelings and merely trying to manipulate him into accompanying the rest of Elturelâs hapless tieflings to Baldurâs Gate?
Rolan had thought he might be able to convince Cal to see his side of things, that together they could stand up to Liaâs ridiculous hero complex. Their baby brother has always been reasonable and level-headed, with a maturity that belies his age; surely he would see the foolhardiness of throwing in their lot with people they barely know. Alas, Cal has lately begun to exhibit symptoms of the same imbecilic altruism that afflicts their sister.
âWe should stay with the others, Rolan. Itâs what Mum wouldâve wanted.â
Fighting the urge to knock their stubborn heads together, Rolan had finally relented (with no small degree of acrimoniousness). âOh, well if itâs what Mum wouldâve wanted then of course we must do it! Never mind that if she were actually here sheâd have my head on a spike for even considering something that could endanger you two idiots.â Bickering with them any further wouldâve been a waste of his time.Â
Now, as he disdainfully watches a man struggling to wrangle three oxen into line, he wishes heâd stood his ground more firmly. Hardly anyone here appears to know what theyâre doing; thereâs no order, only chaos and confusion thatâs guaranteed to add days onto a trip that under ideal conditions would only take a tenday. I hope Master Lorroakan will be understanding of my late arrival.
Why I Fell In Love With Rolan, A Character Analysis
I will be going through Rolan's lines, along with the devnotes, to try and explain my interpretation of his character.
This is coming from having spent 30+ hours combing through his dialogues, reading all of his books, listening to every voice line for context, and replaying every scene of his that's currently accessible.
TW: Mentions of abuse, family death, implied suicide
Very long post under cut. Get the Arabellan Dry out!
A few notes before getting into this:
In the game files, Rolan is referred to as "Prodigy", while Cal and Lia are referred to as "ProdigyBrother" and "ProdigySister".
Rolan is a character whose outer words and inner thoughts often do not align - for most of the game, he refuses to show vulnerability in front of Tav, reserving his softness for his siblings. This can be interpreted in a number of ways, ranging from a self-confidence issue to an avoidant attachment style. Though people are free to have their own interpretations, I will mainly be focusing on my own readings of his personality.
I am not a psychologist or a licensed health professional, but I have personal experiences with the mental health disorders I will reference in this post, and I have done a lot of research on the topics involved.
Part 1 - Elturel, and Rolan's past
"Rolan. Just... Rolan."
There isn't much you can tell about Rolan's life except that he's from Elturel and that Cal and Lia are his siblings - after all, he doesn't give you much info in the first place. He doesn't know you, he doesn't trust you. Why would he?
The information you get about his family and his life before BG3 come from minor dialogues, and using Speak With Dead on his corpse. The picture they paint isn't a happy one.
[Player: What's your name?]
[Rolan: Rolan. Just... Rolan.]
[Player: Do you have any family?]
[Rolan: No... family... no one.]
[Player: No family? What about Lia and Cal?]
[Rolan: They are... brother and sister. Cal says... I am family, but...]
Rolan doesn't have a family name. We don't know if Lia and Cal do, but it can be assumed they don't, else he might have taken theirs. The first thing that sticks out to me in this dialogue is that he doesn't consider himself to have a family, even though Cal and Lia say he's part of theirs.
The question is, what could have caused this? If his blood family was simply dead, wouldn't he refer to them as "dead" or "gone"? Instead he says he has "no one" and "no family", perhaps implying that his parents just... abandoned him. Either way, it gives the impression that he has issues with being abandoned, and may project a sense of toughness and arrogance to make up for his insecurity.
And there IS insecurity here - he outright says that Cal and Lia tell him that he's no different from family to them, but deep down, he doesn't seem to be able to accept it. That he can only reveal this information to you after death, having been so guarded in life, is heartbreaking.
As for his life in Elturel, not much is said, but a lot can be inferred from his attitude.
[Cal: Elturel was the last time the three of us talked like this. Let's hope it lasts until Baldur's Gate.]
After leaving Elturel, it appears Rolan, Cal, and Lia didn't have much time to talk. This is from the party scene - a scene where they're drinking, laughing, and joking amongst each other. Clearly the journey hasn't been the easiest for all of them, though one thing we can take from this dialogue is that they've had this friendly, sibling-like relationship for a long time.
From what we know of Elturel and the Descent, things were NOT pretty down in Avernus. Many people died, and after the city was returned to the surface, tieflings were driven out of the city, as we all know. Something important to think about is how exactly this might have gone for the three siblings: how exactly they ended up in the Grove, travelling with the refugees. The context seems to imply that the siblings were travelling on their own, not necessarily considered a part of the group, but this is debatable and not entirely clear.
So what brought them to Baldur's Gate? What finally drove them out of the city? Did they leave before things got worse, or were they driven from their homes with stones and violence? It could really be anything, but the one thing that's clear is that their primary reason for heading to Baldur's Gate is for Rolan to start his apprenticeship with Lorroakan.
We know that Rolan wrote Lorroakan a letter: multiple letters, actually. We're not sure if he wrote to other wizards, but from his dialogue, you can tell that Lorroakan's been someone he's respected for a long time, both for his magical skills and his political beliefs. Though he's never met Lorroakan, you can find a copy of Lorroakan's biography on his desk at Sorcerous Sundries - there's an admiration established early on, and the player is led to believe that Lorroakan is a powerful wizard (though if you bring Gale with you, he comments on Lorroakan's shady reputation, hinting at something darker beneath the surface).
What could have driven Rolan to write so far away, seeking apprenticeship? Was it out of a sense of desperation, wanting to leave the city but needing a way to take care of his siblings? Was it curiosity? A sense that Lorroakan might be his last chance to make something of himself after being denied what he felt like was his rightful destiny? As a tiefling, he must have faced some discrimination for his heritage - I can speak to my own experience here, growing up as a person of color in a majority-white community was genuinely traumatizing to myself and my non-white friends. Not only do we receive open bullying and ostracization for our appearance, there's something even more insidious that often happens to minority populations - neglect. A general disinterest in our accomplishments, a lack of encouragement and attention towards kids that don't fit the norm. If this was something Rolan had to experience, it's no wonder he felt angry and eager to prove himself. He's been neglected his all his life, and he finally has a chance to show everyone who doubted him that he really does have the potential to be a great wizard.
Rolan himself appears to be in his mid- to late- twenties, bringing up the question of what he's been doing his entire life if not magic. It's mentioned that he was able to conjure a flaming cat from when Cal was as young as 8, so depending on the age difference between the siblings, Rolan might have known magic from a very early age. So why, then, is he a mere wizard apprentice at the start of the game? He's surely had a lot of time to learn himself.
[Lia: Try not to get too close, Cal.]
[Rolan: Yes. Remember what happened last time?]
[Cal: I was eight and you magicked up a kitten. How was I supposed to know it was made of fire?]
What could have happened along the way? He might have just not found the time or the opportunity to be able to study, especially as a tiefling without a family or the money to pay for an education. In my interpretation, Rolan carries a lot of unvoiced shame for not having been able to "fulfill his destiny" until now. He projects an outward mask of confidence and arrogance to hide his vulnerability, his insecurities - that his family isn't really his family, and that he isn't really destined for greatness. His natural reaction to vulnerability is anger and denial, which we'll explore more in the later sections.
(It is mentioned in the devnotes, though, that Rolan "has truly worked his ass off to get here". Prodigy is not an ironic title - he's likely had to self-study to the point where Lorroakan felt that he had potential. He has a right to be confident, but it doesn't negate any potential feelings of unworthiness.)
Additional info - Rolan, Cal, and Lia, on top of having known each other since Cal was 8, also share a mother figure, who is deceased. There is no mention of a father. It could be that this was Lia and Cal's actual mother, who took Rolan in, or a number of other possibilities - it could be that ROLAN'S mother took the three in, or that she just happened to be an unrelated woman who adopted three orphans.
[Cal: We should have a little party when we reach the city, like we did for mum.]
[Rolan: That 'little party' lasted from sundown to sunrise. Lia would like that.]
This dialogue can only be accessed if Lia dies but Cal and Rolan live.
So we've set up a few key details about Rolan's personality: his arrogance may harbor hints of insecurity or desperation, he has issues with feeling abandoned or neglected, and he's potentially been denied his chance to learn magic in the past. We will explore these in detail in the next few sections, along with another troubling tendency of his - perfectionism, and the self-blame that comes with it.
Part 2 - The Grove
"I'll not gamble our lives, our futures, for people who are are good as dead."
If you recall his dialogue in the grove, Rolan seems to distance himself from the other refugees, focusing only on the safety of his siblings. Let's unpack this in his own words -
[Rolan: This isn't Elturel and I'm not responsible for every damn tiefling in the world!]
[Rolan: I made no such oath, and I will not be held responsible for these people.]
This is in contrast to Lia, who believes that they should help what she considered to be their 'kin'. Remember that Rolan often refers to the refugees in a detached way, refusing to associate himself with them.
At a first glance, it might seem like Rolan is fixated on his apprenticeship - he wants to get to Baldur's Gate straight away, so he can begin studying under Lorroakan. Lia accuses him of the same, causing Rolan to react with anger.
But if you think about what Rolan's underlying motivations might be, you might have realized something that Cal and Lia most likely recognized too - he's worried for his siblings' safety.
The grove is an open, unprotected area, and they're being menaced by druids on one side, goblins on the other. There's only a few fighters, Rolan, Cal and Lia among them, and none of them are strong enough to take on either group. Even if Rolan feels a sort of kinship with the other tieflings - which I'll expand on in a second - he prioritizes the lives of his siblings over them, and doesn't want them to sacrifice themselves for people he doesn't even know.
Now, the other theory - what if Rolan doesn't identify with the other tieflings, because he's been cast out by them before?
I'm going to inject my personal experience as an immigrant here. Life as an immigrant can be profoundly isolating, especially if you have few relatives in the area. Rolan may have been so attached to Cal and Lia because they took him in when his own people rejected him - for some reason, even other tieflings could have seen him as an "outsider", and refused to help him when his parents abandoned him or died. If you tie in the theory that he was a tiefling born to human parents (which would be taboo), it could have been that they rejected him for not "being tiefling enough". I'm aware that in-universe there's no one unified "culture" of tieflings, but even in groups without a unified culture, there are still small pockets of people with certain internal customs. It could be that Rolan failed to fit in due to his heritage, that he was rejected for his personality, or some other reason, but my interpretation for his refusal to help fellow tieflings is that he never quite felt the same kinship for them that Cal and Lia did. It could also be that he holds resentment towards them for abandoning him - abandonment seems to be a central theme in Rolan's story, and likely contributes to his feelings of inferiority and unworthiness.
(He does seem to know Infernal, though I don't know whether that's a cultural thing or an innate trait to tieflings.)
If the fight is held at the grove, Rolan, Cal, and Lia stand near the back of the cave to protect the children. They can be found arguing with each other on potential battle positions. Afterwards, if the tieflings and all three of the siblings survive, they can be found by the entrance of the cave, where Rolan again behaves arrogantly towards you and claims he could have handled the goblins on his own.
All of this is quite standard for his character and projects the image of an arrogant, selfish person who only seeks to protect himself and the people that matter to him, which is likely what he wants. It also lends some credibility to the interpretation where he was rejected by other refugees - if he felt neutral towards other tieflings, it might have made more sense if he was less derisive towards them. Instead, he consistently detaches himself from his people, drawing clear lines between them, with a hint of bitterness that seems to have a painful origin.
The rest of Act 1 is Rolan acting like his standard self - bratty, arrogant, and dismissive of others. That is how most of us met him, though he won't stay that way for long.
Part 3 - Moonrise
"But what good am I if I can't do this... this one thing?"
(Author's note: "This one thing" is travelling alone through a cursed, necrotic land, breaking into a prison staffed with dozens of trained guards, and personally facing an immortal chosen of the literal god of death. Rolan is a Level 4 wizard.)
As you already know, at the start of Act 2 Rolan is drinking himself to death alone. His brother and sister have been dragged away screaming by the cultists, and he's overwhelmed at the thought of never seeing them again. Naturally, he's quite angry with you, but if you read his lines closely, you can see that you're not the only person he's angry at.
[Rolan: Gods damn it all. I can do nothing right - not a damn thing!] [Devnote: Furious - mainly with himself]
[Player: You're supposed to be at Last Light.]
[Rolan: I'm supposed to be saving Cal and Lia!] [Devnote: Frantic, worried for his siblings]
[Rolan: Instead, I found myself cornered by shadow-fiends and in need of rescue. From you, of all bloody people.] [Devnote: Pissed off and taking it out on the player]
[Player: You were trying to help your family - you're too hard on yourself.]
[Rolan: Or not hard enough.]
[Rolan: I've failed Cal and Lia, again. Be on your way - I'll return to Last Light... I know when I'm outmatched.]
Rolan, at his core, is someone who feels deeply responsible for the safety of his siblings (this lends credence to the idea that he's the eldest of the three). He may argue and bicker with them, but he could never abandon then, nor could he forgive himself if something were to happen to them. He is clearly carrying an unbearable amount of grief and guilt for allowing his siblings to be captured, but he's so emotionally repressed that he chooses to bury his sorrow under a mound of anger. Being drunk doesn't help - it's mentioned by one of the kids, Ide, that he's been through three bottles of wine by the time the player reaches the Shadow-Cursed Lands.
That much is obvious just from reading his lines, but his angry reaction to the player is, as the devnotes say, a way of taking out his pain and frustration on other people. He might feel guilty about it later, but in the moment, it's the only way he knows how to cope with them. This isn't his only instance of externalizing his self-hatred.
If Cal dies and Lia lives, the player has the option to break up an argument between Lia and Rolan. If they fail to neutralize the situation, Rolan will tell Lia (or Cal, depending on who lives) to get out of his sight permanently.
[Rolan: You deserve nothing. You two are cowardly parasites, and I am disgusted it took me this long to see. Get out of my sight.] [Devnote: Furious in his grief, lashing out, being as hurtful as he can to his surviving sibling]
[Lia: Fuck you, Rolan!]
-
[Lia: Insufferable, arrogant little prick. Argh.]
[Lia: Everything is about him, everything is about his pain. Godsdamnit, Rolan!]
It says a lot to me that if one of his siblings dies, that he has to be convinced out of lashing out at his surviving one. He seems to be like a person who deals with strong emotions by lashing out, likely as a defense mechanism to make himself appear stronger than he feels. This is a common technique used by people with self-esteem issues - to avoid drawing attention to their own vulnerability, they lash out and externalize their feelings with anger to bury the grief. Lia says as much in this ending - to Rolan, everything is about his pain, and he's managing it in the only way he knows how. He knows he's hurting his siblings, he knows it's wrong, but he engages in it anyway, a common trait of people who dislike themselves. If Rolan didn't have his apprenticeship, it wouldn't be a stretch to say that the death of his siblings might have caused him to spiral and give up on life altogether.
Interestingly enough, in the end where both Rolan and one of his siblings die, it's implied that the remaining sibling commits suicide. You can read more about it here - it gives some insight into Rolan's motivations, and serves to emphasize exactly how much this apprenticeship means to him. Rolan lives for two things, though it really just is one thing - his siblings, and his apprenticeship, which means more to him because it represents a hopeful future for his siblings. Every clue in the game points to his siblings being everything to him.
But let's move away from this bad ending for one second, and back to where we are. Rolan's been drinking himself silly, yelling at children, and eventually storms out into the SCL by himself. Being an apprentice wizard, few expect him to survive on his own, and true to form, he has to be rescued by the player again.
Though I think this line is currently bugged and unavailable, he actually has lines reacting to the shadows.
[Rolan: My magic is not to be trifled with - leave or die!] [Devnote: Exhausted and scared, but trying not to sound it]
Rolan, emotionally repressed fool he is, is once again attempting to appear big in order to protect himself from what he fears. Whether it's the shadows, or the loss of his siblings, he reacts to stressful situations with a brave front, attempting to push people away so they won't see him at his worst state.
This is one of the common symptoms of an avoidant attachment disorder - an attachment style that causes people to push others away if they get too close, avoiding emotional closeness and being uncomfortable expressing vulnerability to others. I interpret Rolan as having this kind of attachment style, which is often formed from neglect or abuse as a child, resulting in a self-sufficient but emotionally cold person. It can lead to the breakdowns of close relationships, as evidenced by Rolan pushing away his surviving sibling (potentially in order to save himself the grief of having to go through their death again). People with this disorder often cut off people before they can be cut off, in order to save themselves the pain of being abandoned again.
Some recognize the negative impact of their behaviors more than most, and though Rolan never comments on it, it can be inferred that he feels some measure of guilt for the way he behaves. If convinced to lay off of his surviving sibling, he immediately apologizes, recognizing his mistake.
[Cal: Do you wish it was me who died? Instead of Lia?]
[Rolan: Gods no, that's not what I meant. Never, Cal. Never!] [Devnote: Realizes what he's just said. Backtracking, apologizing, sincere]
[Rolan: Shit. I'm sorry.] [Devnote: Disgusted with himself and what he's just said. Looking away, sincere apology]
[Cal: Me too.]
We can see here that Rolan IS capable of self-reflection and guilt - it just takes more than a nudge to get it out of him. He says as much if you manage to rescue both siblings, thanking you and apologizing for his behavior - not an empty apology, or made out of necessity, but a genuine, heartfelt admission of guilt and gratitude. This kind of mature response from him says a lot about his character, and hints at a capacity for further growth in Act 3.
As Cal says, Rolan can be stubborn, but he's never malicious. I see this as an indicator of the immense guilt he holds inside him - though he externalizes his rage towards anyone and everyone, deep down, the person he blames the most is himself.
Which leads me directly into a talk about perfectionism, one of Rolan's defining character traits.
Rolan, at his core, is a perfectionist. The feelings of failure for not being able to save his siblings, the arrogance that belies a certain type of self-hatred, and a willingness to attack others in order to deflect from his own vulnerability - all of these traits tie heavily into perfectionism, which Rolan consistently displays traits of. At the start of the game, he spends every line with the player bragging about how he and Lorroakan are going to become household names, how they will boast of this meeting to others. To an extent, I'm sure he believes it. He's just been invited to what he considers to be a prestigious apprenticeship, despite everyone having considered him a failure. Naturally, he's excited despite the trauma of Elturel and Avernus, and wants to get to Lorroakan immediately in order to fulfill his destiny (he refers to it as his destiny several times throughout the game).
This makes what happens next all the more tragic.
Part 4 - Baldur's Gate, Lorroakan, and ending the Cycle of Abuse
Picture this - you've been rejected, abandoned, considered a lost cause for most of your life, accepted only by the siblings you just barely avoided losing forever. But the journey was worth it. You're finally here, in the city you've dreamed of, studying under who in your opinion is one of the most powerful and respected wizards in the world.
Then you get there, and you don't learn a thing. Your teacher asks you nonsensical questions and beats you as a punishment when you're wrong. It's unsurprising that when the player enters Sorcerous Sundries, that Rolan seems a bit more dejected than usual.
Much has been said about the depiction of abuse in media, but as a survivor of domestic violence, I found Rolan's reaction and justification of his abuse very accurate for someone suffering from DV. True to his personality, the very first thing he does is deny that anything's wrong, continuing his trend of burying his emotions in the hope that they'll go away.
[Player: I know the marks of subjugation. Your face - what happened?]
[Rolan: Nothing for you to worry about.] [Devnote: Master Lorroakan hurt him, but he doesn't want to say]
Survivors of DV often feel great shame towards their abuse, often blaming themselves and refusing to speak about it out of fear of appearing vulnerable. True to that, Rolan doesn't say anything about what Lorroakan's doing it, resorting to another common tactic for abuse survivors - implying what's happening without directly stating that the abuse is occurring. This is often out of fear, especially if the victim is still close to the abuser - in this case, Rolan not wanting to jeopardize his apprenticeship, or possibly be abused further for disclosing it to someone else.
[Rolan: Be very sure before you make to visit Lorroakan. He's got a beastly temper.] [Devnote: Sounds a bit disappointed in the player]
Abuse survivors often hold a great deal of guilt for 'allowing' themselves to be abused, more so if the abuser considers them weak or easy to manipulate. There's often a stigma - "why didn't you just leave? You knew it was bad, yet you stayed, so there must be some blame on your part." This is not an uncommon belief amongst survivors, and through his journal entries, it can be inferred that Rolan holds a similar belief. Rolan's journal, and his VA's fantastic reading of it, can be found here. Rolan is clearly aware that what's being done to him is wrong, but he persists - in my opinion, partially because he believes it's worth the benefits involved, and partially because he feels a responsibility towards his siblings to succeed after 'failing' them so tragically before. Again, perfectionism, guilt, internalized self-hatred: easy traits for a horrible man like Lorroakan to take advantage of.
There are a few possible endings for Rolan here, the first being if you side against the Nightsong with Lorroakan.
The thing about abuse, as Larian so excellently portrays it, is that it is often perpetuated in cycles. A person who's been hurt is more likely to hurt others, whether as a response to their pain, or in an attempt to spread their misery in order to feel less alone. Though not all survivors become perpetrators themselves, many perpetrators are survivors themselves. Rolan is no different - if Nightsong is captured, and Lorroakan is killed in the fight, he will immediately attempt to cage the Nightsong himself and harness her mortality. This could easily be seen as an attempt to get strong enough that no one can ever hurt or take advantage of him again.
When the player next long rests, Rolan will be found dead, having been killed by Aylin - perhaps a mercy, to avoid him from becoming just the same as Lorroakan.
But the player who cares for Rolan wouldn't let this happen to him, right?
Rolan's attitude towards the player gradually changes over time, but nothing shows his growth more than his good ending, where you save Cal and Lia and side with the Nightsong. When you bring Nightsong to the tower, Rolan will be shocked, in disbelief that the Nightsong was a person all along. He turns against Lorroakan on the spot despite the other man's threats to ruin his life (a common tactic employed by abusers to control their victims).
[Lorroakan: Boy! At the ready. Once I've taken control of the aasimar, she must go directly into the caging runes.]
[Rolan: No, Master Lorroakan. I would have never assisted you if I knew you planned such horrors.]
[Rolan: You lied to get the Nightsong here. Made us all believe she was nothing but a relic. I have seen what true leadership can accomplish - but never under your tutelage.]
[Lorroakan: Watch your tongue, you child! I could make it so that no wizard in the realm will touch you.]
[Rolan: If they're all like you, I think that sounds like an excellent bargain.]
It takes an immense amount of courage to stand up to one's abuser, so to see Rolan so bravely stand against the man who hurt him was a positive surprise to me. It also shows just how much the player has changed Rolan for the better - your leadership and selflessness has inspired him, given him the bravery to stand against his abuser. It's a powerful scene, and I admit that watching it brought a tear to my eye, brief as it was. Few people get the chance to take revenge on their abusers, so it was cathartic to see Rolan thunderwaving him onto the balcony before letting Aylin snap his spine.
After the fight, Rolan thanks the player, finally feeling safe enough after his abuser's death to reveal what happened to him. Though it's implied that he feels some shame for being victimized, much of it is likely from the shock of the sudden event, and by the next day he's regained much of his enthusiasm - he still has the ego, but with less arrogance and more acceptance of the player's presence. Rolan's growth, from hating and mistrusting the player to eventually trusting them enough to show his true, kind self to them, is what really made me fall in love with him and his character arc.
Ultimately, Rolan's story isn't just about learning to lay down your pride and accept help from others - it's about abandoning perfectionism and elitism, accepting your own faults, and choosing to grow as a person. For Rolan, the player begins as an annoying, meddlesome force, someone who "moralizes" to him about saving others when he wants no part in doing what's considered "right". By the end of the game, he realizes just how lucky he is to have you in his life - without the player's influence, he could have easily gone down the worst path, the path of narcissism, ego, and disregard for others. But because of a string of coincidences, he was saved from that fate, and was allowed to grow and accept that there's enough room in his heart for more than just the few people that care about him. He learns to lay down the perfectionism, accept that making mistakes is a part of change, and feel his feelings for what they are - whether they're gratitude, fear, or even sadness.
For someone who struggles with avoidant attachment disorder, seeing Rolan's character change throughout the game greatly inspired me to change the way I was approaching my own relationships with people. Avoidant attachment disorder is not talked about very often, both in the medical field and in everyday life, and people suffering from it are often misunderstood or considered to be 'lost causes' - to see Rolan so capable of change inspired me to change myself, and I'm sure I wasn't the only one who felt this way.
When he takes over Ramazith's Tower, Rolan decides to distribute Lorroakan's knowledge to the world, and tells you about his plans to open a library. This is the most obvious sign that he's changed - the player's willingness to help him despite getting little or nothing in exchange has inspired him, and he becomes a kinder, more open person. He learns to trust again, to love again. It's unclear what happens afterwards, as he's not present in the epilogue, but the heartwarming conclusion to his arc can be seen in the issue of the Baldur's Mouth Gazette after Lorroakan's death -
Despite everything, Rolan makes it to the end, having vanquished the trials in front of him with the help of the player. He gets his tower, his knowledge, and shares it with the realms, finally able to realize that he's worthy and deserving of a happy life.
-
Thank you to Larian for bringing Rolan's story to life, to Mr. Taylor for his excellent portrayal of this character, and to all the Rolan fans for showing him so much love every single day.
I have met so many amazing and talented friends from the community around this character, and I'll forever be grateful for everyone who showed him the love I feel towards him.
Rolan: *studying under Gale, trying to hold onto the weave and losing it* I- shit- *immediately cowers and flinches preparing to be beaten*
Gale: *gently fixes his posture again and pats his hair between his horns* steady, look at me. Iâm not Lorroakan⊠Iâm not going to hit you for trying to learn. I wouldnât dream of hitting you all together. Do you want to take a break for now?
Rolan: N-no I⊠*curls his tail around his leg squeezing tight as he tries to ground himself again, still unable to fully accept and process all the pain and trauma heâd been through from before the grove and to his old teacher mistreating him* I⊠Iâd like to sit down for a bit⊠pleaseâŠ
Gale: *smiles and nods, just glad to see him healing in the smallest of ways* okay, you did very well.
All of Rolan's voice files in game (Rolan Compendium)
Every one of Rolan's voice files in the game, painstakingly extracted by @zevlore and named for convenience!
Please show your appreciation to hir for the massive amount of time it took to look through the files for all of theseđ«¶
Fun fact: Rolan is the Tiefling NPC with the 3rd most voiced lines, at 448 - Zevlor is in first, at 575, and Alfira is second with 545.
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Ze did this as a huge favor to everyone in the Rolan fan discord - if you're interested in joining, you can find the link at the bottom of this post :)
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Summary:Â Rolan will take all the pain and suffering of his life and burn it into greatness (or: the Personal History of Rolan, Archmage of Ramazith's Tower)
Tags: Heavy angst, hurt/comfort, emotional abuse, childhood trauma, eventual romance, eventual happy ending, the first two-thirds of this are just going to be a lot of pain Iâm sorry
Rating: M (for future canon-typical violence)
So Iâm currently working on an ongoing Rolan longfic project that was basically inspired by one of the things he says if you cast Speak with the Dead on him; he says that going to Baldurâs Gate to be Lorroakanâs apprentice is his destiny, and it made me wonder what sort of life he lived before the events of the game that made him feel that way. I started headcanoning an elaborate backstory for him and this is what popped out of my brain as a result.Â
The story will basically follow Rolanâs life from birth all the way up until the end of the game; eventually my little gnome Tav will show up and sheâll annoy Rolan to death thereâll be some nice fluff and a happy ending, but I will be putting Rolan through all nine layers of hell up until then because he canonically has a really bad time of things in general (and I love angst Iâm sorry Rolan).Â
The first three chapters are already up on AO3, Iâm almost done with chapter 4 and will try my hardest to not give in to the ADHD and post a new chapter each week/every two weeks if I get busy. I know my headcanons might differ a lot from other peoplesâ and my writing isnât that great, but I hope people will enjoy reading this anyway ( >___<;; )
My Tav wasn't raised by Tieflings and hasn't really lived as one until the events of the game. As a result she has no concept of tail body language and broadcasts shit she doesn't mean to.
Summary: The ambush on the tieflings in the Shadow-Cursed Lands and its aftermath, from Rolan's perspective
Tags: Hurt, angst, absolutely no comfort or light whatsoever
TW: This story contains descriptions of violence and torture
Link on AO3
"Hope hurts. That's what you need to learn, and fast, if you don't want it to cut you open from the inside out. Hope is bad. Hope means you keep on holding to things that won't ever be so again, and so you bleed an inch at a time until there's nothing left."
--Seanan McGuire, Every Heart a Doorway
"Surrender in the name of the Absolute, or die."Â
It's a voice that will haunt Rolan's nightmares for weeks to come, long after they've left the Shadow-Cursed Lands and he can no longer place a face to it. A voice devoid of any emotion or inflection, it sounds almost bored, as if condemning an entire caravan of people to their deaths is as commonplace as discussing the weather.
Everything changed so quickly. One minute, they were on the road to Baldurâs Gate: wary but not yet terrified of the shadows around them, trusting in their torches and spells to keep the worst of the darkness at bay. Muted conversations, Alfira singing to calm the childrenâs nerves. Cal and Lia beside him.Â
The nextâ
Cultists emerging on the road ahead of them, flanking them from the woods, cultists coming up from behind. Appearing so suddenly and noiselessly they seem almost to be born of the shadows themselves. Armed with bows, greatswords, macesâall aimed at the trembling band of tieflings caught in their trap.
"Surrender in the name of the Absolute, or die."Â
None of them know what to do. Their own weapons are raised in response; they arenât outnumbered, from what Rolan can tell, but how many of them actually know how to fight? Back at the Druidâs Grove theyâd needed an outsiderâs help before theyâd been able to push back the goblins; he doubts theyâll be so lucky here. There is no closed gate standing between them and their would-be murderers, no cave for the children to hide in. Theyâre completely vulnerable.
And yetâ
At the Grove, Zevlor had rallied them before the battle: told them that though they were afraid, though theyâd never been handed the easy choices, they had to resist. For their children, for their future. His words had given them courage and led them to victory against a much more powerful foe than the cultists they now face. Rolan doesnât normally believe in the power of mere words over steel and magic; but what other hope do they have? Surely Zevlor will say something, will do something, to keep his people alive.Â
The others must be thinking the same because all eyes are focused on their leader. Tilses, Zevlorâs faithful aide, turns to him and quietly whispers âsir, what should we do?â. Zevlor seems not to have heard her; his gaze is unfocused, staring off at something in the darkness that only he can see. âSir? Sir!âÂ
Finally Zevlor turns to face them. He still doesnât seem to be entirely there, heâs not looking directly at them but through them, like theyâre ghosts from his pastâbut still, Rolan thinks, now is when things will turn in our favor. Itâs not a thought he previously wouldâve indulged in, especially in a situation where all the evidence in front of him is screaming at him to run, to hide, to do whatever it takes to keep himself and his siblings alive, damn all the others to the Nine Hells. But then a tadpole in the form of an intrepid adventurer wriggled its way into his skull and gave him the slightest hope that maybe, just maybe, they could win against impossible odds.
A slight hope that is snuffed out faster than a moth landing on an open flame.
âThe AbsoluteâŠwill protect us,â Zevlor says. "The Absolute is giving us a chance. Lay down your weapons. Please!" The shock that runs through the caravan is palpable. Looks of confusion and dawning horror pass through the party; from off to his right, Rolan hears Lia hiss "what in the hells is happening?!"
"Sir." Tilses is still trying to plead with Zevlor and make him see sense. "Sir, please. We can't just give in, they'll kill us all!"
No point in begging, Rolan thinks, the old man won't hear you.
Some of the other tieflings feel the same. One of themâAmek? Locke? Rolan has ceased to give a shit about remembering their namesâangrily spits out "Some Hellrider you are, Zevlor! Fucking coward." Another shouts "rot in the Nine Hells, we're not going anywhere!" This voice Rolan recognizes as Okta, the motherly woman who made him and Lia and Cal gruel and let them stay in front of her tent. He hadnât realized she had such guts.
It doesnât matter of course. The cultist in charge actually chuckles, a noise that makes Rolan wish he could strike them dead then and there, then turns to one of the others. âLine âem up so we can bring them to Moonrise.â
Zevlor is still, for gods only know what reason, begging and pleadingânot with the cultists, heâs not asking them to show mercy or let them go, no, the disgraced Hellrider is begging to his own peopleâtelling them to lay down their weapons, the Absolute would save them, he would save them. Whether Zevlorâs actually turned traitor, is being compelled, or some combination of the two, Rolan doesnât care. His entire focus has narrowed to a single pinprick. He will get Cal and Lia out of this alive.
A sharp elbow to his back forces him into line with the others: Lia and Cal to his right, Alfira and Lakrissa to his left. Towards the end of the line are Asharak and the children who donât have parents to see to their safety. To Rolanâs surprise, the cultists donât take their weapons away or even order them to be sheathed, so Lia is allowed to keep her bow. In this moment he thinks the cultists have forgotten to confiscate them out of sheer ineptitude or stupidity; later, when he has nothing better to do than drown himself in bottomless glasses of wine and reply this scene ceaselessly in his mind, he will realize itâs the opposite.
The cultists know exactly what will happen in a few minutes. Theyâve set the perfect trapâone baited with that faint, faint hope that maybe thereâs still a chance for them to all to surviveâand the tieflings have strolled right into it. They want them to fight back because that will make justifying their deaths even easier.
Once theyâre lined up, they arenât immediately ordered to start marching, and the waiting is torture. The cultists point and snicker at them, making crude comments on the state of their clothes, how bone-weary and haggard they look, how easy it would be to just let the evil lurking in the shadows consume them like the hellspawn they are. Their leader is the worst of all. They use the tieflings as a lecture, a morality play to prove the righteousness of their cause.
âSee how those who reject the Absolute must cower in the darkness, weighed down by the burden of their unworthiness and sin. They believe themselves to be strong, to be deserving of the air they breathe and the ground underneath their feet. But see how their leadersââ here the cultist leader gestures to Zevlor, still babbling about the Absolute himself, â--see how their leaders shatter like glass when faced with the might of the Absolute! Only through embracing the Absolute can they be made pure. Those who reject the Absolute, those who resist, must be culled like vermin!â
One of the children begins to cry. Asharak tries to quiet them and keep them from drawing the cultistsâ attention.
âShh, itâs alright, itâs alright. Remember what that hero said, back at the Grove? You just have to be strong for a little bit longer, weâll be okay.â His voice is barely a whisper and the cultist leader is at the opposite end of the line, but somehow they still hear him.
âYou,â they say, in a voice dripping with bile, malice, authority. âDo you doubt the truth of the Absolute?â
âNo, you didnât think, did you, that anyone would call your lies into question. Heretics rarely do. I think,â they give a curt nod to one of the cultists near the end of the line, âa little lesson is in order for these children. Better they have some honesty in their lives, however short lived they may be.â
âW-what?â Asharak says, quaveringly. âN-no, IâIâm just trying to calm the childrenââ
âBy telling them lies? Itâs alright, weâll be okay,â the leader echoes mockingly. âDo you really believe they will be spared from this? That any of you will be?â
âIâI donâtâI didnâtââ
âDonât hurt them, please! Theyâre only children, they havenât done anything wrongâ!â
âNot them, boy. You will be their lesson. Now kneel.â Asharak remains standing, eyes bulging in horror and confusion. âKneel.â The cultist behind him grabs him by the shoulders and shoves him to his knees.Â
Rolanâs head is spinning. He doesnât know whatâs coming, only that it will be terrible, something he doesnât want to see, something he doesnât want Cal and Lia to see, because as soon as they do there will be no going back to who they were before.
âEyes that deny the truth of the Absolute,â the cultist leader says, âshall be plucked from the unworthy.â
The cultist pinning down Asharak pulls out a dagger with a blade that somehow still gleams menacingly even in the dim light of the Shadowlands. Asharak begins to shake and struggles to free himself from their grip; they kneel down behind him and lock his head in a chokehold, then roughly jerk his chin so heâs facing them. Stupid, brave Asharak is still trying to get away, clawing at their arm, twisting and squirming. The last things he sees in this life are the face of his captor and then the fall of the dagger.
No one screams, no one even breathes. The horror of what theyâve all just witnessed defies anything theyâve seen before; even the fall of Elturel into the hells couldnât match the sheer, unbridled evil of cutting a manâs eyes out for comforting a scared child.
The worst of it is that Asharak is still alive. Heâs moaning and whimpering, blood streaming from where his eyes once were, but heâs still alive, somehow. Asharak, who looked after the children, told them stories and taught them to fight. Gods, the pain he must be inâŠ
âTongues,â says the cultist leader, snapping everyoneâs attention back to them, âthat sully the Absolute with lies and deceit shall be sliced from the unworthy.â They signal again to the cultist holding Asharak in place.
They all know what to expect now, know to look away before the dagger drops. But that doesnât protect them from the noise: the noise of metal through flesh, the noise of Asharak keening in pain, the noise of the cultists chanting âPraise the Absolute!â en masse, as though a god who could condemn a man to such a torturous and slow death for committing no crime at all was worthy of such slavish praise. The Absolutistsâ jubilant shouts are matched by the desperate prayers, sobs, and pleas of the tieflings. Zevlor is entreating the children to look away; someone is retching up what little food theyâve had to eat.Â
While the cultists are distracted by lauding their murderous god, Rolan feels a trembling hand slip into his. Lia is shaking, he canât tell if itâs with fear or with anger, but her eyes are clear and determined. He recognizes that look. Itâs the Lia is about to do something incredibly stupid and I need to stop her look. But by the way she gazes at himâso focused despite her fear, ready to throw her own life on the line to protect everyone elseâRolan realizes in a heartbeat that he wonât be able to. Next to her, Cal has a similar expression; his is softer than Liaâs, less ferocious, but no less set on doing something dangerously heroic.
When did you two get so big, Rolan suddenly thinks. When you were little you wouldnât dare do something this stupid in front of me. When you were little, I could protect you.
Lia squeezes his hand tightly. âSpells and swords, Rolan,â she murmurs. He knows what sheâs asking of him. Knows sheâs calling on him to fall back and shield the children, like they did in the Druidâs Grove. Knows sheâs trying to reassure him that theyâll be fine, her and Cal, they can take care of themselves. He knows, and the fear that this may be the last time heâll ever hold her hand is so overwhelming Rolan wishes it was him with his eyes and tongue cut out and not Asharak. It would be far less painful than this.
âSpells and swords, Lia,â Rolan whispers. And then he lets go.
Lia immediately turns away, pulling an arrow from her quiver and aiming it straight at the cultist leaderâs throat. It flies true; if Rolan werenât so damned afraid, heâd be proud of his sisterâs marksmanship. The leader clutches at the arrow and yanks it out, gasping down their last gulps of air before the life dribbles out of them. At the same time, Cal lets out a roar and charges at the cultist closest to them with his pike.
All hell breaks loose.
The tieflings scatter in all directions. Some of them go running off into the shadows; others join Cal and Lia and begin fighting back against the cultists. A cacophony of screams, of weapons clashing, of people dying, cuts through the darkness.
âRun, Arabella!âÂ
âDanis?! Danis where are you?!â
âYou vermin will never see daylight again!â
âNoâŠthis canât be happening, noâŠnoâŠNO!â
Rolan tries to tune out the chaos as best he can and makes a mad dash for Alfira, whoâs collapsed on the ground next to Asharakâs now still corpse. Her eyes are wide with panic and her face is streaked with tears; the children are clinging onto her like sheâs the only thing keeping them from being snatched away. It enrages Rolan to see her just sitting there weeping while his siblings are fighting, are dyingâ
No. He wonât think that, not right now anyway.
âGet up!â he shouts, shoving her roughly. âIf you donât want to die, grab the children and run, now!â This snaps Alfira out of whatever trance sheâs in and she quickly stands up and starts to run, pulling the children with her. One of the cultists tries to go after them; Rolan hits him with a magic missile volley and he falls to the ground, dead. He sees Mol stab another cultist in the thigh and yells at her to come with them.Â
Then theyâre running, running, running, him and Alfira and the children, along with whichever refugees are smart enough and fast enough to follow them. Rolan doesnât know what spells or cantrips heâs casting to beat back the cultists; his arms are flying almost as fast as his feet. He just knows that he has to survive this, not for his own sake but for Cal and Lia. Who will remember to come back for them if not him? He doesnât let himself think about how he might be coming back to their dead bodies, or worse, to nothing left of them at all.Â
He doesnât know how long it takes them to get to Last Light from where they were ambushed. It could be minutes, it could be hours, he doesnât care, before they burst forth from the darkness into the shimmering dome of light encircling the inn. Another Rolan, in another lifetime, wouldâve been fascinated by the magic required to create such a massive protective barrier.
This Rolan, in this lifetime, is covered in someone elseâs blood and just wants a fucking drink.
There are Harpers and Flaming Fist at the inn who bombard the others with questions about where they came from (âwe were on the way to Baldurâs Gate from the Druidâs Groveâ) and how they managed to survive the ambush (âRolan saved usâ). They want to talk to him, too, but after he demands to know when theyâre going to be attacking Moonrise to free the prisoners and is met with pitying looks and half-hearted reassurances that they will save them, eventually, they just need to know what Ketheric Thorm is planning firstâRolan refuses to speak to them. Cowards, the lot of them. Cal and Lia are worth a thousand of their kind.
Lia and Cal are worth a thousand of you, Rolan.
He sets himself up in front of the bar. Doesnât even find a bed to rest in, doesnât try to sleep, because he knows as soon as his eyes close heâll see everything as clearly as if heâs still trapped in the shadows: Asharak with his eyes and tongue cut out, the cultists laughing at their fear and misery, Cal and Lia looking at him with complete trust before doing something suicidally reckless. The liquor will keep the darkness at bay. With every new cup he pours, Rolan thinks, this time. This time when I get to the bottom theyâll walk through the door. Theyâll probably be tired and scared but I donât care, Iâm going to yell at them, how could they be so stupid and leave me alone like this? Every cup carries an enticing whiff of hope that his siblings are playing some childish prank on him and hiding just out of sight, waiting to jump out and yell âsurprise, we didnât die in a ditch!â
Every cup ends in fresh disappointment.Â
The others try to console him, initially. Cerys tells him that he and Lia and Cal were brave for what they did, braver than Zevlor who stood by and did nothing while his people died, but this praise means nothing to Rolan. Heâd much rather be in Zevlorâs place right now, because then at least heâd be dead, or in some prison cell with the others. Instead heâs here, nursing a drink and a headache, just him and his thoughts and all his flaws.Â
Alfira tries to comfort him too. She quietly approaches him at the barâas heâs thinking yet again of what a fuckup he is, it should be him in prison and Cal and Lia should be hereâand gently places her hand on his arm. âRolan,â she says softly, âI wantedâŠI wanted to thank you. For saving us. For saving me. I wouldâve died if it wasnât for you, and for Cal and Lia, too.â Alfira swallows nervously. âI knowâŠI know itâs not my place to say anything, and youâre going through a lot, but. I just want to say, I know theyâd be proud of youââ
âYou donât know anything,â Rolan barks, wrenching himself away from her. âI didnât want to save you, I didnât choose to save you. I would let you all rot in the dark out there a thousand times over if it meant I could have Lia and Cal here with me. None of you mean anything to me and donât you dare say theyâd be proud of me for what I did, donât you dare even speak their names.â He knows heâs being unimaginably cruel, that Alfira is only trying to help, that sheâs grieving too. But in his alcohol-addled haze, his grief seems so much bigger, so much more important than hers, because itâs a grief built on a solid foundation of shame and self-loathing. Alfira can cry about losing Lakrissa but itâs not really the same, is it? Itâs not like she couldâve bashed a cultist on the head with her lute.Â
But Rolan. Rolan is supposed to be a magical prodigy, the future apprentice to the greatest wizard in all of Faerun, and yet he couldnât do the one simple thing that was his responsibility and his alone. He couldnât protect Cal and Lia. If heâs failed so miserably at this, how can he expect to succeed at anything else? Maybe the voice in his head thatâs always nagged at him for not being enough is right. Maybe he truly is an irredeemable nobody.
Having to be around the children is the worst part of being stuck in the purgatory that is the Last Light Inn. They are keenly aware that every one of them would be dead if not for him; they are also keenly aware of how angry he is, but because they are children, have no way of understanding why he keeps yelling at them and demanding they refill his drinks even after all the other adults have told them to quit serving him. They want to thank him, want to repay him for getting them to safety, but because they are children all they can do is watch helplessly as Rolan drinks himself into a stupor. How can he tell them that every time he looks at them, he sees Cal and Lia at that age: small, happy, healthy, alive? Theyâre a living reminder of his failure. Theyâre not the children he wants to see. His thoughts fill him with such shame and he swallows the shame back with another glass of wine.
As the minutes melt into hours melt into days, Rolanâs ire switches focus and lashes out at everyone not present. At the Cult of the Absolute, for their sick belief in a sick god who sees torture and murder as a way to bring about purification. At Zevlor, for tricking them all into thinking they were strong enough to take on any obstacles in their way, and then abandoning them when they needed his leadership most. Atâand here Rolanâs mind disgusts him so much that he has to down an entire bottle of beer before he can even get the thought outâLia, at Cal, for being so stupid, for having to play the hero when they can hardly do anything without his help, for abandoning him.Â
But. The person Rolan loathes the most (apart from himself) is that intrepid adventurer. That hero. That interfering menace, who popped into their lives for only a short time and yet in one fell stroke managed to completely upend everything, simply by giving them hope. If they hadnât helped Zevlor fight the goblins, he wouldnât have been deluded into thinking there were still good people in the world, wouldnât have passed that delusion on to the rest of the tieflings and then betrayed them. If they hadnât fed Asharak and the children some line about âbeing strongâ and âtrusting each otherâ, Asharak mightâve kept his stupid mouth shut in front of the cultists, instead of being left to bleed out in a dark wood, sightless and speechless. If they hadnât convinced Cal, Lia, and himself to stay and fight, he and his family would be in Baldurâs Gate by now, safe in Lorroakanâs care and protection.Â
Hadnât they known how dangerous hope was to people who had long ago resigned themselves to a life of hopelessness?
Rolan hopes he never sees the adventurer again. He hopes theyâre dead, cut down on the road somewhere; itâll still be better than they deserve, for all the pain and damage theyâve caused.
Rolan hopes the adventurer is alive, that theyâll come striding through the door so he can punch them in the face, can scream at them about how theyâve ruined his life, theyâve ruined everything, why did they do this to him? What harm did he ever cause them to deserve such punishment as this?
Rolan hopes that the adventurer will come save him, will save everyone, even though he knows this is the most futile hope of all.
Rolan doesnât know what he hopes for anymore.Â
When he eventually does drift off to fitful slumberâhis head cradled in his arms on top of the bar, a mug of ale still clenched tightly in his handâhis last thought is that he doesnât need hope. He has himself, his sense of purpose, and that is enough to get him through whatever lies ahead. The Flaming Fist and the Harpers are too scared to attack Moonrise? Fine, heâll do it on his own then. Rolan isnât afraid of the shadows, of the curse that chokes the land outside their little bubble of safety. Heâs seen things that are much, much worse than mere shadows in the span of a few days, and those things have his siblings. He will get them out of there, even if he kills himself in the process. Rolan makes a mental note to record a message for Cal and Lia on the scant chance that they manage to escape and make it to the inn while heâs still searching for them in the dark. If he does fall, he wants them to continue to Baldurâs Gate, and not mourn him the way heâs mourning for them right now.
With this plan of action set firmly in his mind, Rolan finally sets his tortured thoughts aside for a time and lets the oblivion of sleep take him.
If both Rolan and ONE of his siblings die, it is implied in the script that the remaining sibling commits suicide by walking into the shadow curse -
++++++
Player: I did what I could to save him. (after Rolan dies)
Lia: Doesn't matter, does it? They're gone.
Lia: Everyone I've ever loved is dead. I did this - I failed them. [devnote: her grief is starting to overwhelm her, she blames herself and thinks she's worthless]
Lia: You won't see me again. [devnote: she's planning to walk into the cursed darkness to die - alone]
-
Player: He died as he lived - stupidly.
Cal: Rolan could be stubborn, but he was never malicious. Not like you. [devnote: despite his grief, he feels pity for the player]
Cal: Everyone I've ever loved is dead. I have nothing. [devnote: shellshocked, unable to process what happened]
Cal: You won't see me again. [devnote: he's planning to walk into the cursed darkness to die - alone]
++++++
There are a lot of thoughts I have about this - for one, Lia seems to have a similar reaction to Rolan if he loses his siblings. Despite their differences in opinion, they've probably had more influence on each others' behaviors and internal morals than they think. On the other hand, Cal seems so shocked that he's unable to process reality, I think this signals to a certain type of dynamic between the three where his (presumably older) siblings were like protectors or mentors to him.
The main thought I have is that in most situations (aside from saving everyone), Rolan is often the one who ends up as the sole survivor after his siblings die at Moonrise. But he survives in all cases, heading to Baldur's Gate and resuming his apprenticeship. The grief might be enough to kill him if he truly had nothing else, but he pushes through it regardless, because otherwise, the loss would have been for nothing, which is something he himself admits is hubris (in his journal). Rolan's logical approach to life backfires on him; if he's so great, if he's a hero, why couldn't he save the two people who meant the most to him? He's had this idea all his life, that he's talented and powerful, so he's supposed to be able to protect everyone on his own, and when he can't do that, the magnitude of his failure is such that he can't even process it himself. He has to try and move on with his life because that's what he'd want from them - so that's what they would have wanted for him (if Rolan dies, he leaves behind a hologram telling his surviving sibling/s to head to Baldur's Gate and move on quickly from the grief).
His apprenticeship is really all that's left to him at that point, the only thing distracting him from his overwhelming grief. That's what makes it all the more tragic that Lorroakan turns out to be who he is, a selfish, hybristic abuser who treats him no better than a servant. There's something so heartbreaking about seeing how bitter and hopeless he becomes after his siblings' death, knowing he has nowhere else to go.
