let's do this! translating aranea-ese
THIS IS NOT IN ANY WAY SERIOUS IT’S 1AM AND I THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY
ever since Aranea claimed to have kissed Jake and then admitted she “embellished” her stories, I’ve been wondering just how embellished her Exposition Booth tales were, and how to extract the gem of truth hidden under the embellishing. These are my attempts:
During our session, Kankri’s trials as a leader were just as frustrating as those of his successor. He found it very hard to get others to take him seriously. While you would often try to divide us with your trou8lemaking, and turn us against each other to make us stronger – unsuccessfully I might add – he would try to unite us through proselytizing and lecture, just as unsuccessfully.
"Kankri kept asking us to stop the infighting, instead of spreading gossip and bullying people. But his tumblr posts were long and boring and we didn’t read. Also I am a hypocrite. Btw see how I minimized your emotional abusive bullshit by calling it a milder word."
Even though Latula has 8een dating Mituna steadily for eons, it’s hardly a secret to anyone that she and Kankri have had complicated unrequited feelings for each other. So really, much like their descendants.
"Latula is uncomfortable and awkward around Kankri and his intense denial of an ongoing boner, but tries to remain polite. She’s also been dating this other person for a long time. My wording makes these facts seem related and incredibly sordid while somehow casting more aspersions on her than on him. Here’s a completely gratuitous comparison to two other people in completely different circumstances. The word much is vague enough in this context that it could be replaced with kinda.”
The Maid of Space was of course our all-important Space player and Stoker of the Forge, 8ut as you know, we never made much progress on the frog 8reeding front, or really any aspect of the game 8efore the reckoning. Way too disorganized, way too much teen drama. Much of that drama of course centered around Kankri, and Porrim tended to 8e the one to keep him out of trou8le.
"We were all incompetent, but look how especially incompetent this allegedly important person was with her allegedly important duty. Also all these people having feelings instead of being automatons. Vague implication that Kankri required support and guidance for a while. Who told Porrim to be a responsible and supportive friend?"
Part of his self-aggrandizing mythos was that this magician once somehow from afar tried to strike him down at a young age, so he would never have to face him. 8ut the evil spell was deflected, sealing the magician’s spirit away in a series of unassuming vessels until he could find some other cunning way to enter our universe. The attack supposedly left him with his distinctive scar, which he was not reluctant to point out when trying to hit on me. Uh, I mean, he wasn’t reluctant to mention in in casual conversation.
"His magic gobbledygook is totally just an ego trip and not at all important or relevant. I describe it while simultaneously diminishing it."
8ut at some point he 8ecame disillusioned with magic. If there ever was any truth to his far fetched vision, the legacy of defeating the evil magician would have to 8e passed on to his descendant, or if his descendant proved to 8e as much of a failure as he did, then perhaps on to some other Hero of Hope. I’m unsure why he suffered this crisis of faith, aside from the o8vious reasons having to do with an overall lack of character, or any other redeeming qualities.
“I’m going to keep badmouthing this guy. I’m allowed, because he’s way worse than I am. I’m just a humble hypocrite.”
Perhaps someone talked him out of his 8eliefs. May8e a friend close to him. Or, if one is to 8elieve his fantasy held any water, perhaps someone who was in league with the evil magician. Whatever the case, it was pro8a8ly for the 8est, since pretty much everyone who had half a think pan thought it was all a 8unch of ridiculous nonsense.
“Maybe someone manipulated him into losing his faith by posing as a friend and souring his beliefs under the guise of good intentions. But it’s okay because his beliefs sucked, and I will implicitly lay judgement on you if you so much as consider examining them in any serious way.”
Sorry, I was just trying to riff with you a little on a mutually disliked acquaintance. Is that really so 8ad? Why do you have to take every opportunity to knock my personal 8eliefs?
"You’re not supposed to point out my hypocrisy!"
The entire incident is shrouded in mystery. From his limited and scattered accounts of what happened, it seems very likely that Kurloz was with him at the time, and the only eye witness. And of course it’s impossi8le to get any relia8le information out of him. I guess we may never know, sadly.
"This is simultaneously intriguing and not suspicious in the least. Also I will not so much as mention my empath powers, or my mind-healing."
Want to know a secret? Please don’t tell anyone, 8ut I really can’t stand the guy.
It’s pro8a8ly unfair to him 8ecause he is o8viously such a sweet and harmless fellow. 8ut something a8out him ru8s me the wrong way. I guess I can just 8e a little petty sometimes.
"Sometimes I just wish people would bend to my megalomaniacal whims instead of being themselves. But that’s a bad thing to wish, therefore I willfully ignore my gut feelings re: this guy."
They continued to remain very close to this day. May8e a little too close, if you ask me. It’s clear that her sympathies have 8een gradually swayed in support of the High8lood’s cult. She stays private a8out her 8eliefs, 8ut now and then I’ll notice she lets some tenet of the mirthful doctrine slip out. I suppose I shouldn’t 8e too concerned though, since it’s almost certainly a lot of harmless superstition.
"I heavily imply that this girl’s friendship with this guy is sordid. My evidence is that she subconsciously parrots his beliefs. My wording subtly puts the blame on her and not on him. But it’s okay, because we’ve already determined his beliefs are of no consequence."
His mutation made him an outcast, though. To avoid the unwanted attention his wings would 8ring him, he took refuge in the forest among those who welcomed his differences, and learned their ways.
The Lost Weea8oos was a guild of youthful tree-dwelling troll otakus with a zeal for fisticuffs, flight, and various forms of exotic eastern theater. 8ane to the enemies of hijinks, scourge to the seafaring classes who…
"He felt lonely being the only winged kid around, so he joined an anime club to mingle with rowdy cosplayers who thought he was wearing a cool prop."
8ut all of his proficiencies were hard won, 8uilt from the 8lank slate as his aspect would imply, advancing at the slow pace his class would as well. Yet in spite of all he worked to make something of himself, he amounted to very little. Responsi8le for neither great feats of heroism nor acts of villainy, he was just another game piece to 8e moved a8out the 8oard. The aspect ruling his life would always conspire to dampen his relevance.
"He should have been awesome, but for some reason he had other priorities. He just reacted to things and wasn’t very cool. No one would ever not want to be on the spotlight, so it’s probably because Void."
Void is easily the most mysterious aspect, the one which inherently defies rational understanding. This makes it particularly fascinating, and just as frustrating, to light players such as myself. Casting illumination upon nothing itself is futile. For to truly know void is to paradoxically cause it not to 8e!
The role of the void player is to somehow em8race nothingness, to 8ecome one with it. And yet in total contradiction with this, to make use of the power it grants and serve a role of relevance, one must find a way to overcome it! To see the limitless potential in the void. To find everything within nothing, and 8ring it into 8eing.
"I don’t know anything about void, but I want to sound like I do. So here’s an impassioned yet generic philosophical speech about Void."
So you did your 8est to rile up the crew any way you could. Appealing to peoples insecurities, 8uried hostilities, 8rewing rivalries… needling anyone you could into confrontation with others. Your theory was that increasing everyone’s state of aggression would make them 8etter equipped to play the game. And you were sort of right a8out that! 8ut the Alternians would prove it. Not our group, sadly.
“You bullied and gaslighted and emotionally screwed with everyone to make them stronger. It was totally the right thing to do! Too bad they didn’t react like they should have. Your other self had to apply your tactics on a galactic scale in order for the Alternians to react in a more predictable way.”
You talked up her matesprit’s 8etrayal making her feel even more dreadful, while pushing him further into the arms of her rival, until she simply snapped. She attacked him, paralyzing him from the neck down. You finally got the aggressive confrontation you were looking for. Unfortunately, you unleashed something even you weren’t prepared for, and you had to deal with her yourself. After a long 8loody duel, she killed you. And you would have stayed dead if not for me!
"You terrorized her into thinking a molehill was a whole mountain chain, and convinced the guy to shack up with some dude he was probably not all that into to begin with. But then the girl messed with your script! Btw you ~owe~ me."
So radical was her shift in personality, I’ve had a hard time 8elieving your incitement was solely to 8lame. It always seemed like other forces were in play, as if her acts, though apparently haphazard, were in keeping with some inscruta8le agenda. Of course it doesn’t help that it’s so hard to understand her even on a good day.
"We lived in reach of each other for six years and no one ever bothered to learn her language. I wonder why she hated us all. Her actions were ~suspicious~ for totally opaque reasons.”
