Once, I taught 7th grade.

Eye-opening insight from students on life in poverty at a rural school in the south. All names changed to protect the innocent (and guilty).

[saidthestudents]

HE UNDERSTANDS!

(discussing weather fronts)

Me: "The last one is called an 'occluded front.' The word 'occluded' comes from the Latin word 'occultus' which means 'hidden.'"

Boy: "So... I could play 'occluded and seek' with my friends?"

[saidthestudents]

Nobody cares about air pressure.

(discussing air pressure)

Me: "So there's a guy on the beach and a guy high up on a mountain. Which guy has the most pressure pressing down on him?"

Boy: "MISS JONES! YOU GOT ANY BROTHERS AND SISTERS?"

Me: "That is entirely irrelevant. Right now we're talking about air pressure."

Girl: "MISS JONES, WHERE YOU WAS BORN?"

Boy: "WHERE YOU GREW UP?"

Me: "I was born in a hospital."

Girl: (scoffs) "I MEAN *WHERE* WAS YOU BORN?"

Me: "I was born in a city on a mountain. Was I under a lot of pressure or not?"

(screaming from the class)

Girl: "WAS YOU BORN IN THIS TOWN?"

Me: "No. This town is not on a mountain. Think back to what you learned yesterday. Is there more air pressure in this town here or on a mountain?"

(more screaming)

[saidthestudents]

Well, if he tried it, it must be true

Boy: "MISS JONES, YOU WANNA KNOW HOW TO MAKE DRY ICE?"

Me: "Sure, tell me."

Boy: (proceeds to give a long speech involving burning something and then doing something to the ashes and I think a blow torch was mentioned somewhere)

Me: "I don't think it works like that, dude."

Boy: "YES IT DOES! I TRIED IT!"

[saidthestudents]

Stop, thief!

Tiny Boy: "Miss Jones, I hear somebody try to steal from you! Who was it? I'll get him!"

Me: "You're such a sweetie pie. He's been taken care of."

Other Boy: "Me too! I'm a sweetie pie too!"

[saidthestudents]

Accurate.

(overheard while watching a compilation of Michael Jordan slam-dunks)

Boy: "OF COURSE THEY WEAR BOXERS! DON'T NOBODY WANT THAT STUFF POPPIN' OUT AND HITTING SOMEONE WHILE YOU TRYING TO MAKE A DUNK!"

[saidthestudents]

It's all about the money

Boy: "When I'm a rapper, I'mma say a bunch of stupid stuff and get a lot of money."

[saidthestudents]

Now that's just inappropriate

Girl: “MISS JONES, WHY YOUR BOOTY SO BIG?”

Me: “Guys! Stop talking about my body and work on the lesson.”

Girl: “NO WE CAN’T! THIS SCIENCE CLASS UP IN HERE! WE NEED TO STUDY HOW YOUR BOOTY ROLLLLLLL, MISS JONES!”

[saidthestudents]

Don't get cocky

Girl: “We be eating eggs, so, we eating baby chickens for breakfast?”

Me: “No, hens lay eggs all the time. There’s only a baby if a boy chicken and a girl chicken mated. Then the egg will have a baby chicken in it.”

Boy: “So unless they be gettin’ it on, it just a normal egg?”

Me: “Exactly.”

Girl: “BUT ONE TIME I CRACKED OPEN AN EGG AND IT WAS ALL BLOODY! There was a baby chicken in there! On God there was! I swear on my dead granny’s grave!”

Me: “Then some farmer has a rooster running around in the wrong chicken coop!”

Boy: (jumps up, dancing) “I GOT A HEN IN MY COOP! I GOT A HEN IN MY COOP!”

[saidthestudents]

Not exactly

Boy: “Classical music is great!”

Girl: “WHAT YOU SAYING? UGH! THAT STUFF IS TERRIBLE! RAP IS WAY BETTER!”

Boy: “NO IT AIN’T!”

Me: “Classical music really is awesome.”

Boy: “SEE?” (turns to me) “Classical music is like jazz, right?”

[saidthestudents]

#nothappening

Girl: “Ms. Jones, you look tired. You had a long day?”

Me: “Yes. A very long day.”

Girl: “You know what you need? A MAN!”

Other Girl: “He be waiting at home for you to cheer you up!”

(class roars with laughter)

Boy: “He can do your cooking, and your cleaning, and when you get home you put your feet up and say, ‘Hey! Git to work!’ And he massage your feet for you!”

Girl: “And then… you know…”

(entire class screams)

Me: “Well, if you can find a man who will do all that, let me know.”

Tiny Girl: “If my man don’t do that for me, I’mma whip him right into shape!”

[saidthestudents]

Under the sea

(documentary about cuttlefish)

Me: “They mate for six weeks and then they die.”

Girl: “How do they die?”

Me: “Well, see that one? Its skin is falling off. How would you like that? Live a few years, mate for six weeks, and then your skin falls off!”

Girl: “THAT’S LOW! No thanks!”

Boy: “I’d be the happiest man in the world.”

[saidthestudents]

Yum

(A documentary shows a hawk screeching as it swoops down to kill an iguana)

Boy: “HE'S CALLIN’ THE SQUAD! BAR-B-QUE OVER HERE, Y’ALL!”

[saidthestudents]

Well that was unexpected

Boy: (rapping incomprehensibly)

Me: “Why don’t you make a rap about the organ systems?”

Boy: “Okay!... Uh… (raps) I got some money an I’mma buy you a new doll, girl, my bad I just spent all my money, I got some new shoes, an’ a new shirt, an’ a NEW HAT!”

(class cheers)

Me: “What does that have to do with the organ systems?”

(class screams)

[saidthestudents]

Ah, the miracle of life

(watching a video of baby chickens hatching in a white middle-class school; some girls are fawning over them)

Boy: “Why those girls screaming like that?”

Me: “Sometimes when girls see something cute, they scream.”

Boy: “MM, MM! LOOK AT THEM WHITE CHICKS! GET IT? WHITE CHICKS!”

Girl: “JAMARIUS! YOU SO RACIST!”

[saidthestudents]

I'm not sure how that's going to work

(two girls arguing)

Girl: “I’MMA PUNCH YOUR FACE!”

Other Girl: “OH YEAH? I’MMA RIP YOUR ASS OFF AN STUFF IT IN YOUR FACE!”

[saidthestudents]

How insulting

(boys and girls are arguing)

Boy: (to girl) “YOU LOOK LIKE OPRAH! DON’T SHE LOOK LIKE OPRAH?”

(screaming from surrounding students)

Girl: “*YOU* LOOK LIKE OPRAH!”

(more screaming)

Boy: “YOU UGLY!”

Girl: “YEAH? WELL YOU LOOK LIKE GEORGE WASHINGTON CARVER!”

(screaming)

Me: “George Washington Carver was a great scientist.”

Girl: “He freed the slaves!”

Me: “No –“

Boy: “AND HE INVENTED PEANUT BUTTER!”

[saidthestudents]

Let the storm rage on

Girl: "FEEL MY HANDS, MISS JONES! THEY FROZEN!"

Me: "Wow, they're really cold."

Girl: "I'm just like Elsa, except for one thing: the cold DO bother me."