I decided to delete some stuff that I posted years ago that was irrelevant, and a lot that was appalling. I may not have gotten all of it, but I'll do another sweep eventually.
I deeply regret being the person I used to be. I sincerely apologize to everyone for being the horrible person that I was.
Please give me another chance, as I'm a much better person now.
If I could have one wish come true, if I could have one miracle, one true gift from the universe,
I'd ask for your love, and your hand in marriage, Svea. I'd ask to be allowed to love you, so I could make you the happiest you in the universe, and treat you like the Goddess you are, to the absolute best of my ability.
Svea, I'd want everyone at our wedding. Katie, Cat, Adam, Ashley, Robert, DJ, Kass, our families, even Ted, if he'd give me a chance to prove I'm a better person now and cared about us, Starlight.
All I want is to be the best husband I could ever be for you, Svea, because I love you infinitely and beyond all and everything.
I'm not the monster I used to be, and I am so sorry for being the scumbag I was. I let my trauma control me, and I was not a good person, to anyone, especially you, Cat. I deeply regret how my life has gone, and the things I did and said.
The universe showed me what monsters are like from the eyes of one, so that I would know what to protect you from, and how to do that, Svea.
I am no demon. I'm no monster. I was abused in 1st grade at school by people I was supposed to trust. It's taken me my whole life to break free of those trauma chains, but I finally have this year. I did a lot of bad things while I was controlled by my pain. I hated myself immensely because I wasn't strong enough to withstand the abuse, and no one helped me in 1st grade, until it was too late and the damage had been done.
It's taken me a long time to fix myself and break free of those binding chains. I'm so sorry it took me so long, and that you all had to endure my brokenness.
I want to make it up to everyone by being there for you all, and being the absolute best husband in the whole damn universe for you, Svea.
Only remnants remain, only the good things.
I'm sorry that my emotions run strongly, I do my best to wrangle them. Asperger's does that to me. I'm like a Vulcan from Star Trek, I do my best to keep things under control. I'm a lot better at it now.
I'm Irish, I have a temper, but NEVER in my life would I EVER become violent or shout at my spouse. I see that stuff in old movies and things like that and it's absolutely abhorrent to me that anyone would EVER consider doing something like that.
My temper consists of about 10 seconds - 5 minutes of probably hilarious random string of obscenities, followed by laughter at said string of absurdities. That's it. That's all it's ever been. That's all it will ever be.
I'm a better person now, and I'd do anything to prove it to everyone.
I love you in every way you are, Svea, your mind, your heart, your soul; everything about you. You are everything to me. I'd do anything for you.
I'm begging you to give me the chance to be better.
Cat, I'm so sorry you had to be with me back then. I was so horrible. We aren't meant for each other, and I know that now, but I wish I saw it back then, for both our sake.
I will be better for Svea, I swear this on every strand of my soul. I'll be the best that could ever exist for her. She is my destiny, and I am hers. I heard it straight from the universe, as well as the big guy upstairs, saw it with my own eyes my whole life and didn't realize it until this year.
I was told by spirit mediums and guides that I'm an archangel, and that my soul's purpose is to be there for Svea, to protect her, to love her, and change the world with her. She and I are twin flames, and we're custom built for each other. She's in my source code. My design schematic. She is so immensely precious to me, I love her so much, I just...do.
We are the essence of resonance. She is the light of every star in my universe. I saw her soul through her eyes when we first met in middle school, and I saw a fire that burned with pure white-gold light. She is a Goddess. I've always felt this way, since then, but I didn't know how deep these feelings were, nor did I have the courage to tell her about them, until now.
I'm scared. I'm terrified. But I'm truly miserable without her. Without being able to love her, and have her love in return. Without knowing that she's safe, happy, and healthy. Well cared for. She is all my missing pieces. She fits me perfectly, like no one else ever has or ever could. She has never once left my heart, even before I met her, I felt her energy out there. She's kept me alive from afar my whole life without me even realizing it. My heart beats for her. I could never harm or mistreat her, because it would kill me in an instant to do so.
My soul is woven out of love for you, Svea. I love you with every fiber of my being. I'd give you my soul if it'd make you happy.
What must I do for you, to be yours, Svea, Goddess of Starlight?
Please, I'm begging you, tell me.
I am soulbound to you. I am only ever yours, Starlight.
I will always love you, infinitely, and beyond all and everything; far beyond the end of time: