pairings — Venti, Kazuha, Wanderer, Xiao, Kaeya, and Al-Haitham x gn!Reader
summary — You checked your pantry and wow! You don't have shit besides spiders chillin' in the corner of the cabinet. It's time to shop, and your s/o wants to go with you (or in Al-Haitham's case, you drag him along). Would he behave himself and is he OK to bring to society?
tags / warnings — crack / fluff / HCs, almost all of them are insane. kazuha is HIGH ASF, wanderer is an asshole (canon), venti and kaeya have crippling alcoholism, PDA, established relationship, please stop taking these men outside.
A/N — this is my first post. i'm sorry you had to read it but i just write stupid crack hc's or weird shit. also i'm crying because tumblr deleted the first draft i was gonna post. absolutely in tears rn.
Venti
“Huh, you’re going to the market? Can I come, can I come!?”
As soon as you step foot into the market, expect him to dash in front of you in search for wine. If you’re in another nation or they’re sold out of his favorite booze, he will drop to his knees and BAWL (but it sounds rly pretty cuz he’s a good bard yk like a disney princess)
you urge him to stand up because he’s being embarrassing and that just makes him roll around on the dirty ass floor because he’s a fucking drama king. legit doing it to spite you even tho you didn’t do shit. however once he recovers he’ll…
put random shit into the basket (no he doesn’t need it he just thinks maybe in the future one of u might. please take it out)
will buy plastic bendy straws so he can drink his alcohol in a silly goofy way
will find a way to eat more than 1 free sample at the food stalls (has a fake mustache for this occasion)
if he finds wine that’s rly expensive he will attempt to seduce you into purchasing it for him (dont feed into his alcoholism)
will try to go into the basket (even if its handheld)
expect him to serenade you the entire time you're shopping, too
also he will hold ur hand and just be all over u. he loves u sm <3
will complain once he gets tired (its only been 10 minutes)
overall, terrible to bring. leave him at home
Kazuha
“Oh, have we run out of goods? May I accompany you?”
As you shop, you kind of forget he’s even there until he picks something up to take a closer look and makes a comment. He mostly just chills and follows you around. But…
he actually might be high
how many nakuweeds did u have before you two left? did u count???
all of a sudden he’s adding random snaccs to the basket. when did he ever eat this shit?
as you watch him stuff a dozen doughnuts into ur basket that’s when u realize he might have some crazy munchies. maybe u should ask??
actually maybe not he looks really out of it. he ated all the weeds
as you try and put away some of the shit he put in you see him staring at the local cats
he doesn't know wtf is going on
you should probably go back home now
overall, probably fine to bring with you when he’s not high as a kite
Wanderer
“Where are you going? To the market? . . . I better go with you—no, not because I want to, but because you’ll get that generic store brand shit.”
He’s mad and he doesn’t wanna be there, but bc you’re such an asshole who buys generic great value tea. anyways even tho he looks really mad, he doesn’t mind being with you (what a shit)
will wander (heh) away from you and look at other stuff. if u try and contain him he’ll get pissy about it and insist he’s an independent puppet-man and he’s not gonna commit tomfoolery anymore. anyways so…
he doesn’t care if ur trying to save mora, he WILL have his namebrand inazuman tea!!!
maybe he won’t… because he understands prices are very tough right now. BUT its not because you told him to, you fucking box
gets PISSED and will become a karen if the cashier doesn’t say hi to him
our boy is toxic and i will not fluff him down this is just him and u like it
will slap your hand if you try and hold his hand. like, not hard. but like, the way a cat slaps your hand when its tired of you petting it.
will hold ur hand if u try a second time but his grip is rly tight cause bro is always tense asf
overall, don’t bring him if you like the store/market you’re going to. you might get banned
Xiao
“You’re going to the market? I see . . . It’s getting dark out, so I’ll come with you.”
You know he’s anxious about being around so many people, but he wants to protect you <3<3 so he’ll overcome this obstacle and follow you around like a lost puppy…
actually he’s really close
like holy shit back up xiao, he’s right against ur back
you dont bother to say anything bc yk he’ll say some shit like “YOU HAVE NO RESPECT FOR THE ADEPTI”
actually maybe you should grab his hand because he legit looks like a deer in headlights
will hold ur groceries for you bc he’s so strong <3
u can't hold his hand because he's holding his giant fucking polearm "just in case" and holding your bags in the other, so maybe hold his arm??
he loves that shit even if he doesnt admit it
might suddenly leave with ur groceries if he’s called or some shit, will return with torn bags but its ok he did everything he could to fix it!
by fix it i mean now he’s just holding everything and pierced it into his spear
you should just be happy he has everything. don’t comment on it
overall, 10/10. besides the anxiety, he likes being near you even if he doesnt admit it. ur groceries are safe with him just like you are <3<3
Kaeya
“Groceries? Oho, well. I have some time, why don’t I go with you? You’ll need a big strong captain to carry all your bags, after all.”
Even if you didn’t want to bring him, he’s coming with you anyways. I think the best part about Kaeya is he’ll stick by your side throughout the trip to the market and follow you around wherever you go.
Honestly, out of everyone else, it feels like he might be the best one to bring with you…
plez expect him to have an arm slung over your shoulders or snaked around your waist. he loves pda!
EXCEPT! he is the KING OF CONSENT(tm) he will only do it if you say its ok! what a sigma chad wtf
i hope you like talking because kaeya fucking loves chatting while shopping. he will not be quiet for long even if you tell him to stfu
even if you’re not the chatty type and you’re pretty quiet, he’ll talk for you. about his day, what he did that morning (even if u already know), what he’s gonna do later, he will not leave a single detail out.
hey btw remember when i said he won’t leave ur side? i lied. don’t trust anyone on the internet.
he will 100% leave your side for the booze market. he is more interested in imported wine that he can get his hands on
will return to you with 6 bottles and insist they’re for you both to share. please stop feeding into his alcoholism
he will carry your bags btw. all of them. he will have both arms packed with bags and won’t complain, might just tease you a little tho.
overall, a fantastic man to bring with you to grocery shop. can protect u cuz he’s a strong cavalry captain who will hold ur belongings without complaint. just feed him booze <3<3
Al-Haitham
“. . . Fine, I’ll go with you to pick up some things. I need to pick up a new book to take to work, anyway.”
The moment you enter the marketplace, you most likely will never find your partner again. At least, not until later in your shopping trip. He literally disappeared, where the fuck did he go?
Its only half way through that you find him and see him sitting on one of the benches, flipping through the new book he purchased. You call for him, but his soundproof earpieces are in effect. You snatch the book out of his hands to get his attention and bother him enough to follow you. He lets out a sigh, but gets up anyway…
u rly should’ve left him there cuz he’s so quiet. he might still have his earpieces on.
he’ll follow you around by your side and he’ll hold your bags, too. he’s got big strong arms for a fuckin reason!!
half way through he’ll start reading his book again, sorry but shopping is rly boring to him ok
al-haitham isn’t a pda person btw don’t touch him
will hold ur hand if the cashier is too sus for his liking
if you run into kaveh while shopping he will leave. if ur holding hands he will leave with u even if u didnt pay for ur shit yet.
overall, um. he’s definitely an option. he’ll hold ur bags??? he just wants to go back home
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