This story begins on April 7, 2015, I was on /r/airforce and pretending to be working as was about to be the entire rest of that year. I’d recently changed jobs again, this time out of manufacturing and into Electrical Estimation/Consulting. The job wasn’t super interesting but it paid well enough and I was kind of at a point in my life where I didn’t really know what that next step was for me.
I remember it was around noonish when I got a call from my best friend, I’ll never forget the words he’d said. “Hey you told me to call if I didn’t think I could handle it. Well, I’ve got a knife at my wrists and you’ve got thirty seconds to talk me down.” I stood, no reactions from my office chair and walked out side. He was frantic, scared, probably hadn’t slept. I didn’t realize it at the time but he’d felt like the escape from the trap that had become his life and broken up with him and kicked him out the night before. In his mind he had nothing left. I told him I was downtown at work and to give me fifteen minutes to drive over, I asked him if he was at his Mother’s or the place he and his ex lived. He said he was at his ex’s and agreed to give me time to get there.
We got off the phone, I texted his ex, and she didn’t answer, I figured she was in class so I called and left a voice mail. I told her “No matter what do not go home until I tell you its safe.” then hung up and called the Police. At this point my Dad noticed I wasn’t in the office and once I was done talking to the Five-O he asked me if everything was okay. That’s when the mask fell and I told him what was wrong and started to cry, but only for a minute. Afterwards time was still of the essence I got in my car and drove down to he and his ex’s house. The police had beat me there and upon leaving I got a call from his ex and had to explain to her what had happened.
I helped her, her mother, and her father move my best friend’s stuff out of their home. I felt like a traitor, because I’d promised my best friend I’d be there for him and instead had sent the police. Everyone told me I’d done the right thing, except his ex who simply stated. “You know he’s going to be mad at you right?” but the only response I could think of was “If he’s alive he’ll get over it.” But I felt like she was right, like I’d wrestled the knife from his hands and put it in his back.
A few hours later his mother called trying to get a handle on things. She seemed numb to it, I don’t think she meant to be, just that after a year of struggling and this having not been the first incident she was running out of ideas. My day ended like that, long and as I lay in bed I remembered those shrieks and screams that seemed so alien to me and so horrible I hoped to God no one ever had to be in that situation. It solidified my resolve though, I decided to join the United States Air Force afterwards.
The next day while I was at work I got a call from a number in Greeley of all places. It was from my best friend who I was terrified to talk to, but I answered regardless. He wasn’t mad, he wasn’t hurt. He thanked me for saving his life and asked if I could come down to the Psych Ward he was staying at. I agreed and went over after work.
The staff wasn’t the best there, they kinda kept forgetting to take me to see my depressed best friend, but it worked out. His dad had just seen him and ran into me in the lobby and thanked me for saving his son. He’d I guessed heard that I was considering the Air Force and shook my hand before leaving. My best friend and I then talked about Comic-Books, and Anime, Video Games and whatever for an hour or two before I went home to eat.
Time went on, I started working out again. Years of being a gamer who didn’t accomplish much other than wearing out a few computer chairs was going to take a decent amount of work to shape into someone who could survive BMT. I started slow, 20ish push ups, 20ish sit ups, 30 minutes of Cardio. I built from there until I was at 3 sets of 50 push ups, and 3 sets of 50 sit ups. I could do 30 minutes on a treadmill easily, 16 pull ups, basically unlimited crunches. My muscles had tone and I’d put on 15 pounds of weight almost all muscle mass in a year. I’d always been remarkably skinny and almost looked malnourished, but now when I walked into a room girl’s heads started to turn. Now I had bright green eyes and muscle tone.
Still I didn’t get out much, I worked from 0800-1600 every day and my favorite thing to do in my free time was to game still. Days rolled by quickly, before I’d known it I’d talked with a recruiter, then actually met with one, took my ASVAB and scored in the 83rd Percentile which was better than I could have hoped for. Then I’d gone in with an open contract, and found out that I would be leaving January 5th. I didn’t really notice the changes in myself, I mostly read up on Reddit about what the Air Force was like and imagined trying to get stationed at some base somewhere in Korea or Japan.
My best friend asked me one day “You’re pretty anxious about this aren’t you?” I asked him what he meant and she responded with “Well you’re more in your own head than usual.” It occurred to me then that he wasn’t wrong. I’d always been the leader in our group of friends. I don’t know why, I guess I just have the strongest leadership mentality of everyone, it comes natural I suppose. So when I got quiet and stopped being as active everyone noticed I guess.
I remember the hardest part of last year being the constant dread of not knowing what it was going to be like. I knew it was going to be really fucking hard whatever it was. I knew it was eight weeks long, almost nine if you counted zero week. I knew the first day was supposed to be super long and I knew there was going to be a lot of yelling involved. It was designed to be stressful and uncomfortable.
Finally that day came, January 4th, 2016. I’d spent the entire week prior aside from one last bar run with my two best friends in the world sitting around anxiously watching Archer. We decided to watch the Last Samurai, my father, my mother and I, and about half way through we got a call from my younger brother. He is a Marine and currently stationed in Okinawa. I’d found out several months prior that he had felt super depressed there and had started to cut himself before seeking help and because of that the Marines were trying to have him discharged. They have since failed to do so and even promoted him and he seems happier now. At the time though it was at the height of our worrying for him, I remember when I said “So I guess we won’t get to talk for awhile.” I started to cry. It would be at least two more months before I would speak to my brother. The little kid I’d always protected, had grown up being the best friend to, the one person I was basically powerless to help at that moment.
It wasn’t done being hard though, later my family dropped me off at the Hotel in Denver where we had to wait to be sent on to MEPs for one last physical examination and then we’d wait to get our boarding info and ship out for the last time. My family and I hugged and cried and prayed in the snow one last time before I made my way off into the hotel. I got into my room and my room mate for the night hadn’t shown up. I remember it was so quiet and I broke down and cried and cried. I skype’d my ex who didn’t really help anything, and a few of my friends before my parents called. I couldn’t help but be terrified I’d made a horrible mistake.
I didn’t sleep much that night, my friend Ashely drove down and ate in the hotel with me, but I didn’t eat a whole lot to be honest. The next day, tired, and afraid I made my way down to breakfast and then from there we went through the entire entry to MEPs processing.
I remember the sitting next to a black kid I didn’t know who was also shipping out that day and while we waited nervously and quietly this strange kid walked up and sat down next to us. The conversation was great because he was so odd compared to the entire mood thus far.
“Hey you guys going into the Air Force today?” He asked.
“Yeah, you?” I responded.
“Yeah man, security forces. Gonna shoot some guns!” I looked over at the black kid with an expression of “Well this our next 12 hours.” and immediately dismissed this kid. Little did I know this moment was destiny at work and the three of us were now bound together. We continued through our processing and it ended up the three of us were sitting in a lobby waiting to swear in watching some stupid show about gators or something on TV. I would later when I was less nervous learn their names and I doubt I’ll ever forget them.
The Black Kid was named Brunsen (obviously I’m not giving their first names for obvious reasons. Obviously.) He was like national champion levels of good at Chess and even competed at it. His girlfriend was pregnant and he was shipping out on Open Mechanical. The guy joining Security Forces was named Milliron, and even though I thought he was just some silly kid at first he ended up being one of my best friends by the end of the night. We also met a girl named Zalena and together we formed Flight DTMO.
Now I don’t know what DTMO stands for, but I do know after they have you sign your papers and vow to die for the people of the United States they have you watch this awful video about how you’re going to get from where ever the fuck you are in America to Lackland Air Force base in Texas. It was so bad I remember Zalena and Brunsen and I trying not to laugh too loudly while we made fun it. The solution to every problem in the video was “Remain calm and call DTMO.” which naturally we made fun of by solving all of our problems and suggesting to other people the best way to solve their problems was in fact to call DTMO, which annoyed the shit out of the Army, and Navy who were both shipping that day.
Anyway after hours of Hurry up and Wait we eventually landed in San Antonio Texas and boarded a white bus headed for Lackland Air Force Base. Our home for the next 8 weeks and at this point it was like 9:00pm local time and we’d been up since 4:00am that morning. While we’re on the bus its raining and every road sign makes us cringe as we looked for the dreaded “Lackland AFB next exit” sign. While we were going though we got passed by two chicks driving a junker with a dude in the back smoking three cigarettes and throwing up gang signs. Someone mentioned they must have known exactly who we were and then I just heard Brunsen remark “This is the last bit of civilization we’re gonna see for eight weeks. This jack ass throwing up signs.”
We then pulled into Lackland sometime later, the bus was silent, we were on pins and needles some officer came on the bus and smiled at us and said. “Welcome to Lackland. Glad you all could make it and I’d like to thank you for what you’ve volunteered to do here. Now I’m going to get off this bus and you’ll have fifteen seconds to line up in front of the MTI’s out here.” He smiled and left and the moment he was off we heard the screaming to hurry up start.
We fell out and fell in line quickly. Then the MTI games began. “Place your bags on the ground.” We did so. “Did I say Drop? No! Pick them up and Place them this time!” We did it again, it was raining and I don’t think they wanted to stay in it so they rushed us inside. We were shuffled into a big room and then a dude with a shitty mustashe came out. “Those of you wearing hoodies or jackets take them off now and put them in your civilian luggage.”
We started to do so, which was difficult I might add because my civilian luggage was quiet full. However I made it work, then they ushered us into another room.
“Alright listen up, you’re going to grab a parka, a parka liner, a mesh bag from over there, and an apex parka. You will put your apex parka on, you will then sit down and empty the contents of the Mesh Bag onto the ground. Then we will make sure everyone has everything.”
This whole process takes like fifteen minutes and there was one moment where I thought I couldn’t find something but did just before I got yelled at. Then they had us line up and enter the auditorium where we proceeded to get sat down and given box nasties. Which as their name suggests are pretty fucking bad and the best part was the straw on my juice box was broken so drinking was difficult. A girl three rows down from me got so nervous she threw up and then they moved us all to the other side of the room. From here on out it was all sorting and paper work, we weren’t doing anything mind you, but waiting to hear our names. Once we heard our names we sat down in another section and waited. They were sorting us into our flights at this point.
Before we’d come in here we’d been separated from Zalena and Brunsen, however Milliron whispered to me “No matter what happens, you’re my wingman from now on.” We then learned each other’s names and stayed close. As luck would have it Brunsen, Milliron, and I all got sorted into the same flight. Flight 171 and we were assigned to the 322 Training Squadron, the Eagles. Second to none, come get some. Pride, Character, Excellence.
We then got back on a bus and arrived at the 322nd and met up with Master Seargent Lawhorne who actually wasn’t all that bad (which was good because I was at the front of the Fourth Element which meant I was leading -.-’). He didn’t dick us around at all, he showed us how to stand at attention then lead us up stairs. It was like 4am and he was pretty tired too I guess, so we did the whole pick a locker and pick a bed thing which we did, it wasn’t hard and then at like five am they let us sleep for four hours or so.
The next morning we got raided which is of course every single male MTI storming the dorms screaming and shouting and doing whatever to get us up against the wall. It wasn’t that bad and I didn’t fuck up my reporting statement or anything or the weird little verse we had to repeat about being prepared for inspection which was good because Master Sergeant Armstrong who was our Instructor Supervisor then didn’t have to tear my head off.
Later we met Technical Sergeant DiCicco who I still admire greatly even though she was a tiny scary woman who managed to make the 322nd building literally make my spirits drop at the sight of it. A week later I ended up getting pnuemonia in both lung and nearly dying of fever, a week after that I nearly tore my IT Band in PT. 10 weeks after that I was sent home and medically separated from the Air Force. During my time in I managed to become an Element Leader because apparently I’m just good at leading even if I hate doing it.
Ever since I’ve gotten home I’ve thought about going back in every day. My leg is still messed up and I don’t know if it’ll heal. I’m bored constantly because nothing feels exciting anymore. I work out but I don’t have any interest in going out and trying to meet cute girls anymore. I miss my brothers, I miss the pride that came with the uniform. I hate feeling like a failure. I don’t know if I’m going to go back.
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