Hi, I'm Brandon

23. ENFJ. Slytherin. Sagittarius. I'm a gay Arkansan trying to make it one day at a time. IG @thatstangerkid

[susandotcom-deactivated20210224]

ladies? i have GOT to ask. what is going on

[feral-bard]

Well, I wake in the morning and I step outside, and I take a deep breath and I get real high, and I scream from the top of my lungs.

[bransonreese]

[notcaycepollard]

the twitter thread the artist created after this was one of the best situations i have ever seen in my whole life:

[serpentking456]

Somebody give this ignoramus a piece of actual shark skin and tell him to rub his face with it, let him find out just how “smooth” sharks really are.

[bransonreese]

Somebody did. I use it as a pillowcase because it’s so smooth.

[severepaperhideout-deactivated2]

But buddy.

Shark skin feels exactly like sandpaper. It is made up of tiny teeth-like structures called placoid scales, also known as dermal denticles. These scales point towards the tail and help to reduce friction from surrounding water when the shark swims. … In the opposite direction, it feels very rough like sandpaper.

((Here m8 https://www.floridamuseum.ufl.edu/fish/discover/sharks/basics ))

[bransonreese]

Buddy. It’s smooth. The link you sent me led to a website that described how smooth they are. I dunno, maybe you don’t know how to read?

[slangwang]

this post is transcendent

[aurora-gleam]

You’re thinking of dolphins. Dolphins are the ones with smooth skin that feels like a rubber beach ball.

Source: I’M A MARINE BIOLOGIST

[bransonreese]

No, I’m thinking of sharks.

Source: I’m a superior marine biologist

[kakyoiniisms]

[penisandballs-deactivated201602]

[westsidegoons-deactivated201601]

why is she wearing a dress if shes just gonna let her rodent vagina hang out of it

[brownboysbrowneyes]

Literally what I was thinking. She’s in a skirt for no reason. It doesn’t even go well with her top like girl, get it together.

[grimeclown]

 “hi welcome to mcdonalds what can i get for you?”

“yeah can i get a deluxe quarter pounder with cheese?”

“absolutely, do you want the meal or just the sandwich?’

“uuuuuh hold on”

*fishes something out of my pocket*

“mikey what do i do?”

“get the fries. youll need the energy in the coming days”

*stuffs it back in my pocket*

“uhh yes please  the meal would be great”

[texcritterspizzajamboree]

serious question: can anyone else see this post? am I hallucinating?

[mens-rights-activia]

[el-shab-hussein]

This might be the most american thing I've ever read.

[mens-rights-activia]

I’m not American, I’m catholic

[history-and-stuff-and-things]

[i-am-the-third-heat-deactivated]

or, telekinetic frog flays local man who doesn’t understand personal space 

[thebootydiaries]

me: just chilling eating my ketchup

some random person on the Internet: hey ! you suck and I personally don’t find you funny ! Unfollowed !! You just lost a follower pal !!!!!!

me: suddenly collapsing, gasping for air as I watch my soul exit my body

[bonmod]

aren’t you going to finish your ketchup first?

[star-52320]

Finish your ketchup OP

[thebootydiaries]

im died fools

[star-52320]

OP YOUR KETCHUP

[ants-are-fascinating]

When ants die, a few days later they emit oleic acid, which tells the living ants to dispose of their corpse.

A myrmecologist named Ed Wilson discovered this and dropped the chemical on a living ant. It was immediately carried off, despite the fact that it was still moving, and clearly not dead.

[periegesisvoid-deactivated]

“I’M GETTING BETTER”

[kuroba101]

Bring out your dead. Eh, close enough.

[glitterandgrunge]

IM NOT YET DEAD SIR

[lazorsandparadox]

You left out the part where the ant, believing HERSELF to be dead, stayed in self imposed exile in the ant graveyard until the acid wore off and she realized she was not supposed to be in the ant graveyard.

[silent-wordsmith]

@finite-experience, this seems like the sort of thing you’d like to see

[mister-christmas]

Ant 1: To the ant graveyard with you

Ant 2: But I’m not dead

Ant 1: You smell dead

Ant 2: Fair enough

[eric-coldfire]

Ant 1: “I thought you were dead.”

Ant 2, after acid wears off: “I got better.”

[ottermatopoeia]

Ant 2, returning to the colony: i lived bitch

[melodylesbian]

[vodcar]

country gnomes,

take my bones

[cryptidfuckery]

to a place,

they don't belong

[annabellioncourt]

see shit like this is the reason that it’s so hard to turn my back on this website. Where else, pray tell, are you going to find this kind of quality nonsense.

[no-chill-at-all]

[cross-country-suggestions]

[heckn-cucumbers-man]

[cross-country-suggestions]

that’s when you run cross country

[heckn-cucumbers-man]

make your own post

[cross-country-suggestions]

ok

[pastelspinks-personal-deactivat]

fucking bye Yotsuba-chan

[dawnofslime]

Yeeted

[historicaltimes]

Cleaning women washing a crucifix, 1938

via reddit

[thewolfbroughtindoors]

Me, thinking they’re hosing an emaciated child down the stairs: oh jesus…

Me, realizing it is in fact our lord and savior on the cross: oh, Jesus…

[iguanamouth]

*reading your tags* Yo I heard you like reptiles. Any fun facts? :D

 if a crocodile eats your dad they become your new dad

[iguanamouth]

you know too much

[tchaikovskaya]

none of yall know what propaganda actually is, do you?

[tchaikovskaya]

this is legitimately the absolute funniest thing anyone has ever added to one of my posts, thank you for your service