Does Some Part of You Remember This Like I Do

born in 1986. she/her/they/them leftist witch. live free or die

[salamanderinspace]

I'm an evil witch but I never actually cursed anyone before today. I just kind of realized I'd never done it and then cursed three people

[catilinas]

mike’s hard problem of consciousness

[notnoblog]

When I die at least I blogged obsessively on tumblr

[wetheurban]

It's okay if joy and grief keep visiting on the same day.

[voidcreations]

Look at my birthday cake...

[salamanderinspace]

Hello friends, today I'm partnering with My Anguish to bring you the hottest new insights about humanity. #MyAnguish

[salamanderinspace]

Maybe if I'd helped more people she would have loved me

[salamanderinspace]

Like if I founded a nonprofit or cured a disease or wrote a play about justice.

I feel like when I do things so people will like me it never works out.

[salamanderinspace]

Maybe if I'd helped more people she would have loved me

[minotauri]

ocean sounds for those of you who need it

[snakepyre]

thanks i made a little painting about it

[skytouches]

“Finally, Some Concrete Career Advice” by Natalie Shapero, published by The Rumpus

[kimiko24]

I fucking love this video

[sawed-on-shotgun]

being a teenager is basically just half a decade of "ugh I hate myself I hate my life I hate my parents nothing is fair everyone is mean the world is cruel I'm tired of it!! but idk i guess every teenager has this phase and I'll probably grow out of it and understand when I'm older" and getting older and realizing you should have been even angrier and more violent. And then people forget this as soon as they have kids

[lovrboyx]

The Last Unicorn really said “There will be times when you can’t find other people like you and there will be times where you'll wonder if you're really the only person experiencing the world as you are and others will even try to take advantage of you through commodification and exploitation to the point where it starts to dilute your own sense of self and will make you question if you were ever you to begin with but it’s important for to resist the urge to assimilate and find community because there will always be people like you who will understand and have experienced these same things and the only way to combat a dark world who wants to smother your light is to FIGHT FIGHT RAGE AGAINST THE RED BULL DO NOT GO GENTLY INTO THAT OCEAN.”

And I just think there’s something beautifully and inextricably queer about that

[salamanderinspace]

Last night at poetry I was getting the good brain chemicals, feeling present. Like "oh, these are my people," but also something about being in the city--where I always wanted to live--out at night in the city doing something unpredictable (in that you never know what people are going to read.) Cut for personal / emotional ramblings.

I was also thinking about boredom, and how bored I often am with life and how sex and violence sort of captivate my interest. There are other things that fascinate me as well but I feel I've spent an above average amount of time on sex and violence and so a lot of the skills and mastery I have surrounds those topics--sex in practice, violence mainly in theory, though obviously I have structural and epistemic experience to draw on. And a few interpersonal experiences as well, though those are more diffuse and difficult to process. This makes me feel like an outsider and an outlier, but not in a bad way; sheep dog feelings and wolf feelings are incredibly adjacent for me and I don't like to distinguish between them. There is no "good" social dominance or "bad" social dominance, and behaviors don't fall cleanly into "social" versus "antisocial." It's dogs all the way down.

There was a poet last night who had great presence, and her poem was pretty interesting, but it was so obvious she was dissociated from her own sense of responsibility in way that could be extremely dangerous. Real "white woman who calls the cops on you" vibes, though I think that meme is sort of misogynistic and reductive because the cops are men and they're actually the problem. I didn't used to feel unsafe around people like this, the witch-burning types, but I saw the fear in someone and picked it up like a monkey watching other monkeys fear snakes. Hopefully being on my own it will drain away again and I will be a snake handler once more.

This morning I also felt joy: like, I can imagine anything today, I can experience anything. I'm a little burnt out on activism, tired of feeling like I'm supposed to care about people who don't listen to me. So I will continue on artistic projects and leave the politics for later.

In a way a lot of this post is about Her. It's been two years and I think of her more than ever. Congrats on collaborating with my desire for love to permanently ruin me, I suppose. Any desire for love I have now--I'm stuffing it down and down and down and telling it this is my time in my life to be free of it. Though that's never worked before.

Well! It's time to go pay attention to things that are not inside me.

[salamanderinspace]

I keep thinking about my mother, a couple times a day, for just a moment - wondering what she's doing, thinking about what she's doing. We don't talk or hang out much, and really haven't since I was a teenager. It's a kind of social checking. My brain flits from person to person in my life locating them on a map, imagining how they're occupied. Someone told me tonight they want to have a slumber party with me and my first thought was: yes, it will be my job to guard the tribe while everyone slumbers. I will protect you from predators.

Something so powerful, primordial, evolutionary. Sheep dog behavior.

[notahorseindisguise]

did you know that if you turn the word racecar around the other way you can spank it on its little ass

[glorioustragedykid]

There's a weird 3 star movie out there ready to change your life forever