One of the strangest regular fantasies I have revolves around the character of the Unpleasant Little Man.
He's middle aged, short, has a belly, and he wears thick glasses. He's some sort of a bureaucrat - not exactly a powerful one, but he does get to lord over a team of office clerks or such, a typist or scribe or few, maybe clients, whatever it is he's very diligent about making everyone else's day a little bit worse. And if he only can, considerably so.
He's very conscious about the tiny power he wields and wants it aknowledged. He's not only inflexible but positively revels in it. While he's usually sullen (in a pompous way that tries and fails to emulate gravity), finding out he can't help someone will light up his face with a rare, contented smile. And he has horrific allergies.
Perhaps year round allergies, or perhaps during winter months they take back seat to back-to-back colds. His nose is always running like a tap, he's constantly sniffling and snuffling, sighing and groaning, blowing his red snotty nose into a handkerchief with a loud, revolting gurgle. No-one in the office has ever heard him pronounce a clear N or M.
He always sneezes at least 5 times in a row, sometimes 15, sometimes more. They are not rapid fits, he usually has time to gasp in a breath between the sneezes, though not always. Wet, itchy, surprisingly heavy, wildly spraying sneezes, and each delivered like an accusation. How dare you idiots be breathing through your noses! And no matter how he keeps wiping his glasses, they are always dim with sneeze spray.
He's always talking about it too, giving distasteful detail about how badly his nose is running today, how stuffy his head is, the state of his handkerchiefs. Starting a meeting, looking so stern it scares those working under him, with an angry complaint: "I sneezed 27 times this morning upon waking up! Twedty-seved!" Like he was blaming anyone and everyone who is forced to listen, lest they lose their jobs, or any chance of getting any permit or certificate or whatever a client is hoping to get from him.
A client or an underling who has just moved there from a faraway place, experiencing allergies for the first time in their life. His watery eye would light up with malicious glee, a chuckle (somehow sounding snotty), a thick sniffle, "Well, welcobe to hell! Eh-Ettssschuuh! Ettsssschuuh!"
When he has a cold, and he does catch so many, his desk will be constantly filled with handkerchiefs, teas, little boxes of coughdrops etc. Sneezing perhaps not as many times in a row but at least as often, and with absolute, unsanitary abandon, really the world better stop while he has to sneeze, and if you can, try to take cover. Though if upon recovery he would notice that someone has done something so disrespectful, he would be sure to see they can't repeat that mistake next time their superior sneezes.
He doesn't purposely infect others, but doesn't make any effort to not to spread his colds, and he always comes to work sick and requires everyone else to do so unless they're fit to be hospitalised. Well if someone is running a very obvious fever he will ask them to his desk, ask about their symptoms, give them some patronising comments about not neglecting their health, and sends them home. If he has temperature himself - he seldom gets it - he will wilt, and say with a heartbroken voice that he might have fever, oh damn this cold, someone needs to try his forehead.
(yes, writing this I realise there has to be a dommy mommy. A tall big tiddy dommy mommy, his face is barely on the level of her tits. He doesn't know that others do actually notice how he's often standing on his toes while talking with her, in his perfectly polished little office shoes. She has a honey soft voice, a smile that's simultaneously mocking and indulgent, red lipstic that leaves an obvious mark, and a soft spot if unpleasant, sneezy little men, especially when they are a little bit knocked off balance)
And when someone inevitably does come down with his cold, he will comment, again with an ill-tempered smile: "Oh so-and-so, sounds like you're coming down with a cold, hope it's not a too nasty one! Attschoo! Attschuu!" And so on.
Needless to say, during the cold season he runs by far the sickliest office in the county/kingdom/whatever.
Continuing about the tig biddy woman. I think she's his boss, a new one.
Wasn't it enough of a humiliation that his long time boss, one he was so used to smooching but who was now about to retire, was to be replaced by someone else entirely instead of him finally getting his promotion? Him, who had been giving this god forsaken office/department his all for so long? The nerve! Not that there was anything new about humiliation, oh no, wasn't he entirely used to being slighted by fate already.
But then, as insult to injury, he learns he his new immediate superior is going to be a woman. A woman! He scoffs (which makes his allergic nose run or even bubble, and sneeze) because of course he's a raging sexist too and what is the world coming to (nothing good obviously, just more and more stupidity and pollen, ACHOO!) He is entirely determined to despise her with all his might while kissing her ass pink.
She makes her first visit to the office unannounced, just the clinking of her heels alerting everyone as she walks between the desks. He is too busy scolding a desperate typist/scribe to notice, has almost reduced the poor creature to tears, then suddenly realises something is off, turns, and almost butts his face straight into a pair of tits. Actually, almost sneezes into them.
A sweet sing song voice. My my my, is there a problem?
At this point he has already intuitively risen on his toes to match her height (it isn't nearly enough), tries to introduce himself, excuse everyone else and so on, while sniffling furiously. A hand - long nails, painted bright red - cups his chin.
Surely there can be no problem, in an office that's kept in such hard working, expert hands? I'm a little jealous!
He blushes, sweats, opens his mouth to answer, feels a little faint to be honest, wrinkles his itchy nose, it's about to leak, oh it's probably leaking already, he needs a handkerchief, it's in his pocket but he can't move, he needs to sneeze, feels something wet trailing down his lip but he can't move, it's like being hypnotized by that voice, that lipstick-red smile, those beautiful, magnificent tits, his nose is itching horribly and he really needs to sneeze, the pollen is nothing short of atrocious today, oh no, please god help him, don't sneeze now!!
His head whips forward with a sneeze â wet, itchy and congested like the rest of him â followed by six more.
Oh bless you poor mister [...], have you caught yourself a little cold?
... Also, I'd like to see the records storage. Could you take me there? ... Bless you again, mr [...]! I've heard it's very dusty, you'd better take a spare handkerchief with you!
To be truthful, I think she has a regular, keen interest in the records storage. It can hit her so suddenly, at any time within the office hours, like an irresistible craving for a sweet treat.
(i can't shake the image, the unpleasant little man, in a bit of a daze and disarray by his desk, his sneeze-sprayed glasses a bit tilted on his nose, lipstick stains on his face, streaming with hayfever)
Generally speaking, records crawing or no, she has a habit of appearing completely unannounced and unsuspected, and if the unpleasant little man is at his desk (probably sneezing), she will seat herself directly on it and if there's any papers he doesn't want graced by her luscious bum, he'll be in a hurry to move them from the way.
I can imagine her sitting on his desk like that on a day he does indeed have a cold instead of the usual allergies, and amidst the general indulgent cooing and tut-tuting she suddenly grabs the topmost handkerchief from a stack (there's always a couple of neat stacks on the corner of his desk), shakes it open, give it a little kiss, and then wipes/blow his nose with it, chuckling. There, that's better.
He spends the rest of the day with a lipstic-stained nose, annoyed at and wondering why everyone is tittering.
I got too carried away with this scenario idk if it even makes sense but enjoy my contagion thoughts
someone (A) in a fitting room, trying on clothes. they're super sneezy today and can't quite figure out why, but they need to shop for an upcoming trip so they don't have time to figure that out right now. A doesn't even think about the fact that they were recently in a crowded train with someone else with a horrible cold. the thought of being sick doesn't even cross their mind yet, not when the only symptom is so similar to their allergies.
they keep sneezing on the clothes accidentally as they change, no warning for them to try to direct them elsewhere. it's getting embarrassing, they know the other people here can hear them, but they just need to hurry up and get this done. one extremely snotty sneeze onto a black shirt makes them blush as they try to rub the snot out of the fabric, sniffling. they feel bad as they put it in their go-back pile, but they don't want this shirt, and plus it isn't gonna harm anyone right?
they don't end up taking most of the clothes, choosing just a few that they liked. they leave the fitting room, arms full of pieces they need to turn into the attendant (B). A sniffles as they hand over the clothes, thanking B with a smile. B obviously just heard A sneezing like crazy in there, but didn't think anyone would just sneeze openly all over the clothes. so B just takes them and starts sorting, touching the fabric that they don't even realize is horribly contaminated and slightly damp with spray. and like most people, B doesn't really think before touching their face, scratching their nose...
A continues to peruse a bit, hoping to find just a few more nice pieces to take with them. they accidentally sneeze openly a few times more, all over the clothes that are on the racks. they get a few nasty looks from the others there, but luckily it isn't too crowded.
B puts away the discarded clothes, the germ-covered pieces going back on the racks for more people to touch, try on, and maybe even take home.
just imagine how many people are going to get A's nasty cold soon after visiting the store...
A checks out, just managing to direct their sneezes to the floor instead of onto the cashier's face, blushing and promising they aren't sick when the cashier frowns.
and when A takes the bus home, one hand full of bags and the other hand grabbing the pole, standing right above another passenger sitting down... they try /so/ hard to stifle, really! but A has never been good at that, and it just makes the mess build up and flow out, running all over their top lip as they sniffle uselessly. all the sniffling and stifling makes the itch even worse, and soon enough they can't hold back. sneeze after sneeze sprays out, covering their own shirt and spraying the poor passenger under them with snot before they can even move. the person moves away very quickly, of course, murmuring some choice words but A is too occupied sneezing openly onto the now empty seat to notice. they should really just sit down so they can cover, but now the seat has a puddle of snot on it so they don't.
at the next stop, someone else sits down directly onto that very seat, and A cringes as they watch. they're too embarrassed to say anything, face red and nose now streaming, but the new passenger has headphones on and isn't looking up. they don't hear how A is sniffling, don't see the mess all over their face and shirt. it's humiliating, how their eyes water as they try so hard to hold it back, but they know it's useless. whatever "allergen" is causing this is worse than any one they've ever experienced, and yet, they still aren't thinking they're sick.
their breath hitches only once before they sneeze again, huge and spraying right at the floor, some of it getting on their shirt again and some reaching the new passenger. they apologize between sneezes, trying to aim elsewhere, but they're an absolute mess. that passenger moves away as well, and A is thankful that they are left alone the rest of the ride until their stop.
when they get home, their partner is already there cooking dinner. A drops all their bags and rushes to the bathroom without a single word, and their partner is left confused until A returns to finally greet them and they see the red nose, the mess on their shirt. "baby, are you sick?" it's emphasized by A's pitiful sniffles, but A just shakes their head.
"has to be some allergy. im so embarrassed, i sneezed so much today..." they're way too ashamed to mention that those sneezes were on /people/. they lean in to kiss their partner on the cheek, sniffling again as they pull away. "anyway, what can i do to help with dinner?" they start to reach for their partner's hips, but quickly have to pull back and turn to the side to sneeze again, blushing as the mess explodes out of their nose again, hand flying up to cover before their partner can see. "fuck," they breathe out.
"i don't need any help babe, but i do need you to go shower and get comfy on the couch. i'll bring dinner there when it's ready, you need to relax." obviously they can tell that A is developing a horrible cold, but they know A well enough to not mention it again. so stubborn.
later that night, they sit together on the couch, cuddling as A sneezes over and over again into their partner's shirt, the fabric drenched at this point. partner doesn't care at all, is used to A's messy sneezes, likes to hold them through it.
A won't realize or admit it's a cold until the next evening, and then thinks about how many people they've likely accidentally contaminated. hopefully none of them get it...
Ok anyway contagion and mess my two favorite things
Happy Birthday @cherrycherrytree!! Aubin and Gevy should introduce Nat and Toby to their kitties for a fun time~
Pretty sure Gevy and Toby wouldn't say no to seeing their indulgent boyfriends all allergied up đ Bday treat for Gevy too
If you like my drawings, and are willing and able to do so, please consider commissioning me, pledging to my Patreon, or donating through ko-fi â! You're not obliged to, but every bit helps to keep me living decently and I really do appreciate it!
Commission for @goodlucksnez for a comic ft. their OC Zip and @dr-ground-zero's OC Shu! Dialogue from @oh-no-my-hand-slipped's post!
If you like my drawings, and are willing and able to do so, please consider commissioning me, pledging to my Patreon, or donating through ko-fi â! You're not obliged to, but every bit helps to keep me living decently and I really do appreciate it!
Gosh, drawing T//enna snz again feels wildâ like going back to my origins (I.E. what gave me the confidence to start actually posting) đĽšđĽš I like this silly big-nosed mentally-ill TV a whole lot ngl
If youâre looking for some more of him in particular, @dustynrosy has a wealth of older posts about him that I highly recommend :]âŹ
just knowing that the plexi glass divider for the front desk of the contagion clinic is basically just for show. You know it gets absolutely sprayed and splattered with lots of heavy cold snzs daily
having someone who just doesn't cover while trying to talk to the staff up front and. Watching then hardly get through two sentences bc big desperate snzs keep interrupting them and mess is just dripping all down the glass. Knowing that if that glass wasn't there that nurse would be getting DRENCHED in the face-not like they haven't before-
Content Warning: Substance use, intoxication, and the three do get decently smutty at the end. (aka #nsfquo tag!)
Word Count: 5,100
Note: Thank you @hitching-hyacinth for letting me write something inspired by your fantasy snuff sneeze prompt! Essentially, these three get their hands on magical powder that makes them higher the more they sneeze. This fic plays around a lot with the dynamic of these three fools, and itâs given me such a good excuse to practice sneeze descriptions!! Oh, and of course, they start getting pretty touchy as the afternoon goes on. Maybe Iâll make a part 2 to this, but only because I adore Gulliverâs sneezes and he needs more.
Forthwind muttered to himself as he sliced red onions. This was the unseen side of a culinary graduate: prepping in your own apartment for a function at the end of the week. He had to plan two days ahead just for the sake of a good meal. Well, a good meal that his reputation depended on, at least. He was humble and hospitable, but his desperate strides for the latter often stressed him out.
The aasimar was pulled from his task at a steady rumble emanating from the kitchen island. Someone was calling him at this hour? Sighing, Forthwind paused from his julienne slices. He was sniffling wetly and rubbing at one of his teary eyes with a wrist. Damn onions, he shouldâve run them under water to avoid all the waterworks. After placing his knife down, Forthwind balanced his phone between his shoulder and pointed ear.Â
A yawn greeted him first. Then, âForthwindâŚ?â
âHey! Ryfon?â Forthwind moved a grease-sodden pan into his sink to scrub it clean. He paused, smiling at a giggle from the phone. ââŚHello Ryfon! Iâm doingâŚdoing quite fine. Just finished my preparations for tomorrowâs party.â
Ryfon, the eladrin on the other end of the line, was sprawled out on his couch upside down. He was holding an expensive looking tin between his fingers, reading the labeling on the back. âOh, perfect timing then, huh?â
âItâŚit depends, Ryfon,â he opened his fridge, worriedly glancing at his unfinished tasks. âWhatâs up?â
âWell, remember when you said to get a hold of you if I ever found a fix you might like??â
The pan was neatly hung on a brick wall amongst Forthwindâs prized knife display. âOh..? Iâm listening.â
âYeah, I think I found it. WellâGully found it, actually. Itâs really good. Super chill, super low maintenance, according to him, just like you weâre talking about.â
Forthwind was willingly subjected to a ten-minute ramble as he cleaned up the rest of his kitchen. According to Ryfon, Gulliver had been adamant on finding a substance most suitable for Forthwind. Being an aasimar, he had quite the sturdy tolerance against non-magical things; alcohol was mostly reserved as a compliment to a fancy dinner, and cannabis would get expensive when you needed a handful of edibles to feel something. Magical substances were the logical next step, but plenty of magical substances were more trouble than they were worth if taken incorrectly. That, and getting your hands on any sort of dispell magic scrolls was also a punch to the wallet.
âNo wild magic with this one, yeah?â Forthwind was obliged to ask with the topic on his mind, âlast time, I was a sheep in your bathtub for three hours.â
âNot at all. It literally feels like a super strong indica. All the arcane stuff is in theâŚlike, the activation and preservation, or whatever. Gully, is that right?? âŚIt, yeah- okay, yes!! Mainly the activation of the snuff.â
âOh, it's snuff?â Interesting.Â
âSnffâ! Yeah, you could call it a snuff.â
ââŚso, is this an invitation?â
âItâs a summoning!!â The pitchy, nasally voice was Gulliver, listening in on speaker. âIf you wanna give it a go, get over here!â
âSure sure, give me thirty-five.â It would be worth putting prep work on hold, he had a feeling.
âââ
Forthwind was never off with his timing. Punctuality was a huge part of being a chef, after all. Thirty-five minutes was enough time to change into comfortable clothes, collect a small array of essentials, and catch the bus to the next district. The setting sun was perfect company on his quiet ride.
ââŚsnff..! Snf!â On his mostly quiet ride. He was one of four passengers, two of which had been eyeing him for a couple of minutes. He was well-acclimated to their smitten expressions; it wasnât every day an angel sat across from you on metropolitan transit. The moment he looked down to his phone, he felt a spark of a tickle fester in his nose as the pair launched into hushed conversation. He knew he was the subject of their giddy whispers, not out of an unchecked ego, but how strongly his nose was acting up. Compliments were his most potent allergy, and even the implication of them made his breath tremble. The golden hour at least did something to hide the redness.
Forthwindâs nose creased at the bridge. His lashes fluttered against his cheeks, and a hand hovered expectantly in front of his face with parting lips. Good grief, whatever they were saying, it was making his nose act up so sharplyâ âh-hHh! hHEEishhiiw!!â
His nose buzzed like television static. A dull tickle that was growing dormant quickly. He sniffled with dissatisfaction and shook his head, but telling by how quickly he geared up for a second sneeze, that small action hit his onlookers in the chest.
âGesundheit,â at least one was courageous enough to offer.
By the time Forthwind was walking up the street to the apartments west of campus, he had been blowing his nose into small travel tissues. Sneezing from compliments always made his nose so drippy! The used tissues kept a faintly-glowing residue, and his bright pink nostrils hinted at the culprit.
âSnf! Eugh, snrf!! HuhhâŚ321, 323, 325âŚthere we go.â
No one answered the first two sets of knocking dishes out to the bulky red door labeled 327. Right as Forthwind began to question if he had the wrong apartment, the locks clicked on the other side and the door swung inward. Behind it, a goblin as tall as his hip leaned out, dreadlocks spilling over his shoulder. He had an exaggerated, animated quality about him, as if pulled out of an old technicolor film and slapped into the real world. His eyes blinked individually behind his massive, rubbery pink nose.
âGood evening, Gulliver! How have you been?
âHeyyyy, not too bad! Get in here! Take your shoes off.â
âThank youâŚhonestly, I think I needed to take a load off. The preparations for the function have been killing me.â
âYo, Forthwind!â Ryfon rolled over so that he could lean over the couch and face them. A few oak leaves were fluttering down from his autumnal hair, leaving only a few maples behind. âWhat Gully said, take it easy! I just ordered us some pizza on Airscamper, should be here in aboutâŚ2 minutes?â
âOh nice..!â Honestly, pizza sounded so appealing after studying with complex flavor profiles all afternoon. Forthwind yearned for something simple for once! âWell, while thatâs on the way, about this snuff: could I get a look at it?â
The fancy aluminum tin was tossed his way, and he flipped it to the front. âHitchingtonâs Snuff,â apparently from the Emporium of Wonder collection. What kind of a name was Hitchington??
âGulliver found it at an adult circus he went to the other day, apparently itâs wacky stuffâŚâ
âWacky fun, I feel I should add. Itâs super chill and lowkey!â
âMmm,â The aasimar squinted at his friends, and his eyes fell onto a paragraph on the bottom of the tin. âLetâs see here: âTired of old fashioned sessions? Hitchingtonâs Snuff is a Tabacco-Free recreational snuff infused with enchantments.â How curious.â
âOh, wait, is that us?â Ryfon suddenly stood, pointing outside. When the other two followed his gaze, they could make out a winged creature approaching the balcony from afar. Ryfon rushed to the screen door and yanked it open, grabbing a purple air-traffic baton hanging beside it on the wall. He clicked it on, waved it crazily, and watched as they redirected their path.
A winged tiefling cautiously landed on the porch, a pizza bag slung securely over his shoulder. Pizza was exchanged for a water bottle and high-sugar snack, which, along with a generous tip, was a common courtesy amongst Airscamper delivery workers.
Ryfon brought the pizza boxes over Gulliverâs head. Forthwind couldnât help a tiny chuckle at the sight of Gulliverâs huge nose. The way it teetered on his face as he snuffled, following the direction the boxes moved. The way it caused him to lean forwardâForthwind was concerned for a moment that his friend would float off the ground towards Ryfon. âSnff! Snf! A large bacon and pepperoni, with garlic glaze and stuffed crustâŚsnfff! And a small pineapple and anchovy pizza tooâŚâ
Ryfon wasted no time cracking open a box. âYou say that like you didnât make the order with me ten minutes ago, Gully!â
âShhh shhh, let me have my moment dude!â
âHold on, hold on,â Forthwind scowled, putting his hands out, âIâm sorry, pineapple and anchovy? Nothing else??â
âOh, here we go again, itâs an underrated combo!! Little bit sweet, little bit salty. Itâs like chocolate-covered pretzels, but tropical!â
âAre you pregnant?â
âIâm innovating the pizza-topping industry.â
Tch, this living-cartoon of a man. Forthwind rolled his eyes with a good-natured smile. Whatever floats his boat!
While the pizza was still piping hot (having flown out of the oven not ten minutes ago), Forthwind, Ryfon, and Gulliver gathered round the coffee table in varying seating. Ryfon preferred the beanbag, simply because he could sweep the leftover leaves and petals easier over the hardwood floor. Gulliver took to the tiny round ottoman by the table. Forthwind, the couch.
âLetâs see what this actually looks like, woah,â Gulliver and Forthwind leaned in as Ryfon held the fancy snuff container. The tin opened to a fine, glittery gold powder. It was as if some gold leaf had been compacted to the texture of cinnamon.
âOh, hold on, one more thing,â Gulliver suddenly stood, and dove into a paper bag. âThereâs also this! Itâs an antimagic sobering flush.â
What he revealed was a small, narrow bottle, the size of his thumb. A nasal spray applicator was connected to the top, and it was all painted in gold. Forthwind squinted at the fancy cursive words.
âHitchingtonâs Diss-Choo, Dispelling Nasal SprayâGulliver, where do you find this stuff, I feel like Iâm about to snort an ACME product.â Oh, why bother? At least there was an easy out if things got too chaotic, and he couldnât complain with that at all. Thatâs why magical recreation was the best kind out there!
âHey, I donât judge,â Ryfon shrugged, already navigating a pinch of it in an oak leaf he plucked from his hair. âBottoms up, right?â
âSure, why not? Whatâs the worst that could happen?â
âYou could be a sheep again,â
âDonât manifest that, Ryfon.â
Forthwind brought some of the powder to his gentle nostrils. He was the first to try it, as he feared heâd back out if he waited any longer. The powder prickled in a way that nearly blinded Forthwind. He scrunched his nose, recoiling his head away from his hand as if it would get him away from the severe tickle in his nose. It didnât burn, but it had this tingling effect that felt like heavy static. Every time he bumped at his nose as he sniffled and snorted, he had to fight waves upon waves of intense fuzziness under his twitching nostrils.
And here Gulliver was, practically snorting a line of it off the table! There was something objectively funny about it all, exaggeration that could only be pulled off by this clown. âOh fuck, I got it in my eye!â He hissed.
âYou got it in your everything, Gully, how much was that??â
âI dunno, but they donât call me the Greenout Goat for nothing. Okay, first to sneeze has to get tickled.â
Both Ryfon and Forthwind instinctively went to protect themselves at the mention. Forthwind never considered himself a ticklish person until he met Gulliver years back. That, and the itch in his nose was beginning to stir up into something more productive.
âOh gods, h-hHHh!â
âOh already??â Ryfon laughed, pointing his way.
âMy noseâs râŚhHhh! Real f-fussy on a normal dâ! NormalâŚdhHh-! hEHhh!â
Both Gulliver and Ryfon watched on as Forthwind hitched, anticipation heavy in their gaze. Why was this so embarrassing?? The feathers on his cheeks and neck were quick to puff out at all the sudden attention.
âHhHuhhâŚuhm- snf!! I lost itâŚâ he sighed, relieved.
There was a pregnant beat of silence between the three. Then, suddenlyâ
âHhHGHh- heeEH! hHAH!!â Eyes shifted to the smallest in the room, whose big pink nose was flaring. His cartoonish physics had extra squish and stretch to them, evident in the way one of his nostrils flared almost disproportionately. Even as he grasped his reddening nose in both hands, he couldnât stop what heâd started: âhyihHH!! hHAABâtsshhw!!â
âBless you,â Forthwind spoke up instinctively.
Ryfon and Forthwind watched Gulliver dazedly recover, sharing a second of silence. Ryfon then gestured expectantly to Forthwind. âDonât just leave him there!!â
Right! He had been so focused on abating his own sneeze, he had already lost sight of the game. He hurriedly grabbed at a large, loose feather from one of his wings, poking it playfully at his side. He squirmed away quickly with a ticklish yelp, only to tumble into Ryfonâs waiting arms. His fits of laughter and wails made Forthwind grin.
âNow, Gulliver, how long does this stuff take to settle in? It makes my nose itch so badlyâŚâ Ryfon wrinkled his freckled nose with a pout.
âItâs already settled in, yâŚyou just gotta âŚwhew- activate it.â Gulliver panted, rubbing the tender spot on his stomach that Ryfonâs fingers had worked into him.
âWhat, with the spray?â
âNo no, all you have to do is s-â
âh-hhHhhâŚsorry,â Forthwind had interrupted them with another false start, rubbing shyly at his pinkening nose.
âThatâs exactly it, you just gotta sneeze a few times.â Again with the fey-like oddity that was this snuff! Who was this Hitchington guy?
âOh, you werenât kidding, huh?? Thatâs great news,â Ryfon spoke thinly, pulling a tissue from the box on the coffee table. Gulliver still sat on his lap, looking up as the eladrin elf rolled one end into a point. Or at least, he attempted to, but could hardly get halfway through the task before his nostrils twitched in warning. âItâsâŚsâgreat news beâŚbecause Iâm gUH- huhâ! hnkâTSCHHHhhâyiw!â He snapped his head to the side, sneezing towards the hardwood floor with a slight spray.
âBless you!â Spoken just as enthusiastically from Forthwind again.
Ryfon lifted a finger, shaking his head. âHhâŚheh! hehhHUHTtsshhâyiw!! Huhh snfff! I havenât even tried making mysEHhsschhhâyiw!! WoahâŚâ
âBless you, bless you again,â
âYou might wanna save your breath, Forthwind, weâre all in for plenty of sneezes.â
âOh! Gods forbid Iâm polite about it! I donât mindâŚâ
âOh bless you,â Gulliver rested his cheek against his steepled hands, batting his uncharacteristically-long lashes. Forthwind choked out a laugh at the animated halo hovering above Gulliverâs stupid face. Gods, this freak of a man was too funny sober! âWhatever floats your boat, I suppose. Speaking of, how are you feeling, Ryfon?â
âI can feel something, itâs like a pleasant buzz.â
âNeed some help with yourâŚ?â He wordlessly balled his fist under his nose, ghosting the motion of tickling.
âOh, yes please,â Ryfon offered the pointed tissue towards Gulliverâs paws, âyou know how to do it in a way that makes me sneeze my head offâŚwhat did you call it??â
Gulliver, straddling Ryfonâs legs with his planted feet on the beanbag, put a hand on Ryfonâs forehead to tilt it back. The question broke his focus momentarily, and he tilted his head. âCall what? Inducing?â
âInducing, I didnât know we were using medical terms.â
âThatâs hardly medical bro, like⌠âmaking you sneezeâ is too much of a mouthful.â
Gulliver was quick to start, dodging potential questions like his life depended on it. He sifted around with the tissue, poking for a sweet spot, before wiggling it in place when he found one.
âI just donât gâŚget why you need to shâŚshHehhâŚheh- oh-!â He coughed with surprise, thick eyelashes fluttering wetly. âOh goHhds deHHSCHhhâyiw!! HehhâheHHDTSSshhhâyiw!!â
âBless yâ bless youâŚâ Forthwind chuckled. The tissue was pulled out of Ryfonâs nose only after the sneezes were over. Even then, he only did so to quickly dive into the other one. Tears immediately came crashing down his freckled face.
âTickles a bit?â Gulliver sneered. Forthwind could only imagine what Ryfon was feeling right now, it had him overly-curious. Just watching the two made his nose scrunch sympathetically.
âUhhâŚhHhUuhâŚ!â Ryfonâs nostrils flared, and small buttercups unfurled along his locks. That was a rarer flower Forthwind had only seen whenever Ryfon got high, so it must have been working. At last, Ryfon waved Gulliver away from him, reaching for his pestered nose. His breath trembled needily. He leaned over in the bean bag, rubbing his nose in a circular motion using his fist. That seemed to be enough to coax the sneeze out. âHhRRSSHHâyiiw!! HhuhâUSSSHhhâyiiwh!!â
âBless you, bless you.â
âThank you ForthwâhhHIâm n-nHh!! Not donNUSHHhhuuh!!â Ryfon pitched forward, openly spraying his own lap and Gulliverâs. When he lifted his head, it was as if he overcorrected, sending his shoulders back into the beanbag with a soft thud.
âAhah!! How high are you right now?â Gulliver spoke brightly, taking a tissue to clean up his face.
âLikeâŚâ was all Ryfon could manage without a loose string of giggles escaping him, âsNFf! ItâsâŚitâs like, itâŚahah! Hold onâsnFFf!! Itâs a great start.â
âGood! Forthwind, you havenât sneezed once since weâve started.â
âIâm about to,â he replied hopelessly, subconsciously mimicking the rubbing Ryfon did in hopes itâd spur on the same. There was a long pause, and he felt his cheeks sting. âIâŚhhHh! I donât know why itâs so much harder to sneeze when everyoneâs looking at me!â
âI was just trying to see if you could sneeze on command or something!â Gulliver laughed.
âNo IâŚI uhâŚhHh! Iâve had this tickle in my nose since weâve started, Iâm trying to see if I can get it outâŚâ
Gulliver watched Forthwind sniffle delicately and begin wiggling his nose about, hands-free. Coaxing a sneeze was stubborn work on its own, but who knew that being watched made it so much harder?
âYou know, Forthwind, youâre kind of surrounded with enough to make you sneeze,â Gulliver gestured to the vestigial wings that were trying to hide his face in embarrassment.
âI know, Iâve never purposely made myself sneeze with them though, it just sorta happens by accident-!â
âHere,â Gulliver grabbed the large feather he was tickled with not five minutes ago. As Ryfon finally broke into the pizza, Forthwind sat upright on the couch as if preparing for a medical exam. Gulliver climbed up onto his lap, and sat himself down with a comedic plop. âRelax, Ryfon can take it, but Iâm not gonna go crazy on you like that.â
âFuck do you mean âI can take itâ? Youâre making me sneeze, not blowing my back out,â a very affronted Ryfon retorted
âWith the way you were whining and gasping a few minutes ago, it was hard to tell!â Forthwind snickered his way. When the large feather was brought up to his nose, the side brushed slowly under his nostrils and made him shiver. He wiggled his nose carefully and resisted a momentary urge to sputter. He had naturally soft feathers, but it felt so different running under his nostrils. Every time he breathed in, he felt a few wispy barbs near the quill sneak into both nostrils. They flared quickly in response, but as quick as the irritant was there, it left.
âYâknow, I think this featherâs too big to do much. Do you mind if IâŚ?âÂ
Forthwindâs buzzing nose would beg to differ. âIf youâŚoh! Sure.â
Gulliver pulled away, running a claw delicately along his wings. While he was up there, he took care of a few fresh pin feathers. By the time he returned to his field of view, a much smaller feather was pinched in his claws. A fluffy downy one, no wider than his pinkie. Forthwind snuffled at the sight of itâheâd lost count of how many times he had accidentally sniffed up one of these before, and the annoying fits that followed it.
The feather entered one of his twitching nostrils. Forthwind had to fight every fibre in his being begging to sniff at the intrusive tickle. He could feel the tiny barbs, clinging to the inner walls as it was twisted in Gulliverâs fingertips.
âOh th-hHh..!â Forthwind stammered over the rest of his sentence, breath trembling. When he gasped, he was overcome with a chilly sensation that rushed across his face and chest, lingering in his tear ducts. His nose wiggled in the brief pause. His nostrils quivered with need, and quivered more when the feather was pulled away.
âHhHheeh- hhHEESSsshhw!!â Then, warmth. A rush of warmth that started at the base of his chest and ended at the tip of his nose. When he sniffled clumsily afterwards, the warmth spread from head to toe. His senses were heightened, but the high was only momentarilyâno longer than ten seconds. âHuhh..snrf!! That worked, but only a littleâŚâ
âBless! Takes more than one to really get a buzz out of it!â
âThank youâŚsnffk! You sure itâs not my tolerance??â
âNahh, trust,â Ryfon waved his hand vacantlyâor at least, attempted to. In reality, he lifted it, and halfheartedly bent his wrist. âItâll feel kinda lâŚkinda like, a hot rag is on your face at first, or something.â
âDamn, Ryfon, that kicked in fast for you, buddy!â Forthwind snickered. âAlright, hit me again, Gulliver.â
âHahah! With pleasure.â
Under Gulliverâs clawed digits, Forthwindâs smile faded with growing focus. The feather returned into his field of visionâthe tiny thing was half slicked with glowing mucus. A few congested sniffles confirmed his nose had been running a little. He recoiled his head away from the feather bashfully.
âOh shit, sorry, I didnât mean to sneeze on youâŚâ
âI donât care, you didnât sneeze in my face or anything. Hold still.â
The feather continued its torment, slipping into his other nostril instead.
âH-hhHih-! How are yâŚ.yeeSHHhhww-hEEIISSsshhiiih!!â Â
Two at once made his whole face tingleâhe had the sense to muffle them in a politely-bent elbow. The glowing spot on his sleeve made him wince with embarrassment. There was the telltale stuffiness in his lungs, that floaty feeling of intoxication coursing through his veins. His head was starting to spin, and his motions were lagging behind. âHow are you so gHHh!! Good at making me sneeâheeh..!â
âIâm lowkey not that great, youâre just really sensitive.â
âOoh! Color me surprised,â Ryfon suddenly flung both arms up, flashing a sarcastic grin, âForthwindâs sensitive?!â
âRyfoHh!!â The playfully cutting words caught him off guard, and he coughed with a giggle. He felt his cheeks prickling from a sudden dopamine rush. âLeave me aloâde, âŚm-mâtrying to get high,â
âIâm just saying, you look like a butch lesbian and a gay twink had a kid.â
That got a belly-laugh out of Forthwind, but Gulliver seized the opportunity to tickle his nose a bit more intensely. He squeezed his eyes shut with breathy, desperate hitches, before sneezing twice more. âHhHheehshhhiihw!! HuhâŚhhHh- Hippâschhhiieew!â
âBless you twice, oh! Three!!â
âHiisschhuw!!! HuhhâŚâ he had such quiet sneezes, no matter how intense. It was easy to see how badly his nose tickled, and the desperate sneezes that left him sounded like they were working overtime to rid him of the tickle.
âHow are we feeling, buddy?â Gulliver pulled away from his pink nose, marveling at the glowing clear and gold mucus connecting the limp feather to his nostril.
âIâm getting there, snff!! Gods, Iâm such a messâŚâ
âOh shush, youâre a pretty mess, Forthwind.â
âWatch yourself, Gulliver,â Ryfonâs ear flicked a few times lazily, âallergies, dude!â
âOh right, sorr-!â Gulliver turned back to Forthwind, watching with slight awe as he tilted his head back. Both his nostrils were already pink from irritation, but the wetness gathered at their rims made them glow a comforting salmon color. Anyone with a curious bone in their body knew the gorgeous way skin and flesh illuminated against a bright light. So to see his wet nose and misty eyes do the same was mesmerizing.
âHHh..! Hiihhss- hhHHhitâs okay, it hhâ! Heh- hHeh- heEH- HESSHhhiewh!! HelpsâŚgods, snffFF!! Huhhh⌠this feels oddâŚâ
âWhat, you want me to keep going?â It was a lousy attempt at sarcasm, sounding more like a genuine question at best and a poorly-hidden plea at worst. Forthwind had sneezed all over Gulliverâs lap, and was clearly still recovering, sluggishly wiping slick from his upper lip.
âLetâs say, cap it at three.â
âThree compliments or three sneezes?â
âThree compliments. Snff!!â
Gulliver, placing the feather down, genuinely sat back with thought. When he did, his form suddenly went rigid as his tail pressed against the aasimarâs crotch. He lifted his hips again and looked down over his shoulder, curiosity becoming sudden flattery. âOh, hello thereâŚâ
Forthwindâs cheeks stained bright red as he huffed. âSsuhâŚsorry, I uhmâŚyouâve just been on my lap like that the whole time, itâs hard not to get excited! I canât control it muchâŚâ
âOh Iâm not upset, quite the opposite, I just want you to feel good because you deserve it~!â
âFuUhck yâihh! HhhihhâŚHisschiiew!!â The compliments were already getting to him, he could tell by the static buzz raiding both his nostrils. He was so flushed, and he couldnât tell if it was the high or the humiliation. He melted into the couch with a vocal whine as Gulliver teasingly smothered their hips together a few times. This stupid goblin was grinding on him and it was working, how embarrassing!
âAww, donât be shy! Iâm flattered that me making you sneeze of all things is getting you worked up. You donât mind me doing this, right?â
He demonstrated again, watching Forthwind shake his head with a bashful huff. âThis is so stupidâŚyouâre so stupidâŚâ
âIâll take the compliment! Ryfon, I need you for something. Get his arms over his head.â
âCome here, pretty thiiing,â Ryfon teased as he sat beside him, bringing his wrists upward.
âHeyâhHhRRSshhw!!â Forthwind could hardly get a word out before another sneeze winded him. âDonât thâ!! Donât think youâre slick, you only get three as well, and that was one.â
âYou have to give us a cap and everything,â Ryfon nodded, rolling his eyes. âYou mind if I get handsy?â
âI feel like Iâm getting spoiledâyeah go right ahead, what the hellâŚâ
âBet I could make him finish before my third compliment,â Gulliver chittered.
âFinish??â Forthwind echoed, peeking through his vestigialwings only for the goblin rocking on his lap to shrug. He couldnât lie, if that was Gulliverâs goal, he was closer to achieving it than Forthwind would care to admit. Something about this snuff made all of his senses incredibly fussy and hypersensitive, and that was especially true on the spot Gulliver was so eagerly dry-humping, it didnât help that Ryfon was busy spinning his white locks around his finger and playing with his nipple.Â
When Forthwind would shift his hands in an attempt to rub his nose, the eladrin above him was quick to react, abandoning the tease temporarily to correct him. âApapap! You keep these up hereâhEY-!!â
Forthwind had scoffed, reaching up to tickle at Ryfonâs sides. He squirmed, too laggy to suppress a shriek of joy and a giggle. Only a momentary tease, Forthwind was, but the objective Ryfon demanded was understood and obliged.
Gulliver, quick as the wind, unzipped Forthwindâs fly for better access to his underwear. All of his work had already earned him a faintly-glowing wet spot. âI swear to the fey courts, when weâre done, Iâll be able to use your briefs to port a ship in the fog.â
Glowing sweat was beginning to bead his forehead like tiny twinkling stars.
âReal fallenâfallen angel over here,â Ryfon hummed dazedly, running his hands down his chest from above, âffâfeeling good down there?â
Forthwind tried to speak, but the warm dizziness of intoxication was making his words sluggish at best. He merely panted and nodded, leaning into Gulliverâs moving hips. Gods, what a great feeling. As he looked up, Ryfon watched him expectantly, prompting him to speak up. âYâyeahâŚffuck, Iâm closeâŚyâbetter have clothes I can borrowâŚâ
âHow could I not? Iâll let youâŚIâll let you like, Iâll let you get in my pajamas bro, donât even sweat it. Not like that, but like,â
âRyfon read the room, Iâm gonna bust from chucklefuck over here!!â Forthwind whimpered and lifted his knee, squirming under Gulliver again with a vocal whine. Ryfon stuck his tongue out teasingly. âSo sensitive, noisy too. No wonder you got folks drooling over you all the damn timeâŚâ
A flash of betrayal ran across Forthwindâs face, quickly taken over by a few hitches. He tried his hardest to control his breath, which in itself was rendered impossible thanks to Gulliver bouncing on his stiff groin. How dare he, at his weakest moment! âHh-hHHh! heEIISSHHhhiiw!!â
âOhh, that was a big one for you,â Gulliver sang at the gentle sound that escaped him. It had no choice but to be completely open, sending glittery gold and glowing droplets across the front of his own shirt. âYouâve got such a delicate sneeze, itâs genuinely the best one Iâve ever heard.â
âH-hHhcahHhâtâŚ!â He warned, but couldnât articulate before succumbing to a trembling gasp, âhHHIISSHHhhiiwh!!â A visceral sound, at least by Forthwindâs standard. He was so faded that he couldnât tell where he just sneezed.
The noise following it was certainly not a sneeze, but a sharp cry of pleasure that ran from his core to his extremities. Ryfonâs grip on his wrists returned as he arched his back slightly. Gulliver was lifted up almost a foot from the motion, looking down in delight as the glowing spot he was grinding on grew twice as bright. The blissful afterglow was something heâd remember for weeks.
There was so much he could say about it all. He couldnât find the words, at least, not fast. ââŚwhere was the third complimentâŚ?â
âFishing for them, are we??â Gulliver laughed, âIâm saving it for a rainy day.â
ââŚgods, I need a slice of pizza,â Forthwind finally sighed into the air. His finger pushed Gulliver in the chest, nudging him off his lap where he then tumbled onto the couch. âAfter that, youâre done for, GullyâŚâ
âYeah, youâve only sneezed once since we started, youâve got a lot of catching-up to do.â
âAheh!! Iâm not opposed. Iâm starving too thoughâŚâ
âFuuuck, the anchovies,â Forthwind groaned in agony, âyou better take a breath mint before we get back to it, you freak.â
âCanât argue with that,â Snickered Gulliver, âbless you, by the way.â
Are these bouts of rapid sneezes during your wavs new? Iâve been listening to you for a long time and Iâve never heard you be overcome by a rapid fit until recently like the last few years. I love it and itâs so sexy, it would be fascinating if you developed a new style of sneezing recently. Do you think anything in particular is causing it?
Hello! No there's nothing new about the rapid sneezes. The difference is that when I initially started posting content - ironically to get over being embarrassed about how I sneeze- I got a barrage of negativity about the rapid ones so for a long while I edited them out or didn't post if my fits went rapid. Obv since then idgaf about anything like that as neg stuff comes with every post. I just didn't understand back then at all so everything stays in now.
In terms of cause, idk I usually find that when something just really hits the most sensitive part of my nose I get so desperate to sneeze my body just can't sneeze fast enough to shake the tickle. It doesn't happen every time at all and I have no idea if they will even mid fit which is exciting.
I know what the cause is here though! I hope you still like them when I'm overcome? â¤ď¸đ¤¸đťââď¸
Back in 2022 (apparently!) I was having a lil chat with a pal about good sneezes. And they were talking about how they'd love to see some of those "classic" lizardy/dragony types have a real wet and itchy-looking sneeze.
I agreed! And even went so far as to do the black-background thing with this one, goodness.
Please Snez on me @sally-sneez - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
