⤷ Please indicate which trope, scenario, or character you would like
⤷ Requests will be written as shorter fics by default, unless I choose to expand them into longer pieces.
⤷ I mostly only write fem!reader fics, so keep in mind that I will have a hard time writing if it's masc!reader
⤷ I may not fulfill all requests, especially if I find it too difficult or if it becomes too overwhelming, so I apologize in advance if your request isn’t fulfilled
Remus has you bent over the edge of his bed, your face pressed into the rumpled sheets as he fucks you slow and deep from behind. His thick cock stretches you perfectly with every deliberate roll of his hips, one large hand gripping your hip while the other tangles in your hair, keeping you arched just right for him.
“Fuuuck, love… you feel incredible,” he groans low, voice rough with pleasure. “Takin’ me so well—mmm, yeah, just like that.” He grinds in deep, a quiet "shit" escaping him when you clench around his length. You moan softly into the mattress, pushing back to meet his thrusts, the wet slide of him inside you making your thighs tremble.
He leans over you, chest warm against your back, lips brushing your ear. “So good for me… so fuckin’ wet—ahh, shit—” His rhythm falters for a second as you squeeze him deliberately, earning a stuttered breath and another deep push.
The dorm door creaks open quietly. James and Sirius slip inside, still in their slightly disheveled Quidditch robes, hair messy from practice. They pause in the doorway, eyes widening at the sight of you and Remus—his hips rolling steadily, your body rocking with each thrust, soft moans filling the room.
James’s lips part, a slow smirk spreading as he gently closes the door behind them with a soft click. Sirius leans against the frame for a moment, grey eyes darkening with heat as he takes in the scene, his voice low and appreciative. “Well… looks like we walked in on something good.”
Remus doesn’t stop, just glances over with a lazy grin, still buried deep inside you. “You two took your time,” he murmurs, voice husky. “She needed this.”
Sirius moves first, shedding his outer robe quietly as he approaches the bed. He drops to his knees beside you, one hand gently cupping your cheek to turn your face toward him. “Hey, beautiful,” he whispers, leaning in to kiss you slow and deep, swallowing your breathy moans while Remus keeps fucking you with those long, steady strokes. “Mmm… listen to those pretty sounds you’re making.”
James sets his broom aside carefully and climbs onto the bed in front of you, unzipping with unhurried movements. “Room for one more up here?” he asks softly, voice already thick. He frees his cock, stroking himself a few times as he watches you. “Open up for me, love… yeah, just like that—fuuuck.” You take him into your mouth with a contented hum, tongue swirling around the head as he groans quietly.
Sirius’s hand trails down your body, fingers finding your clit and rubbing slow circles that match Remus’s pace. “Shit, she’s dripping,” he breathes against your neck, pressing open-mouthed kisses there. “Feels good, doesn’t it? Remus stretching you while James fills that pretty mouth—mmm, fuck, you’re clenching so much.”
Remus lets out a low growl, hips snapping a little harder. “F-fuck… yeah, she is. Keep touching her like that—nngh, shit—” His words trail off into a deep groan as your walls flutter around him.
James threads his fingers gently through your hair, rocking into your mouth with shallow thrusts. “God, your tongue—fuuuck, love, so warm and wet—mmm, perfect.” His voice breaks into a soft whine when you suck harder.
The pleasure builds fast with all three of them on you. Sirius slides lower, mouth latching onto one of your breasts, tongue flicking over your nipple while his fingers work your clit faster. You moan loudly around James’s cock, the vibrations pulling a string of curses from him. “Shitshit—fuckin’ hell, that feels amazing—”
Remus’s pace grows rougher, his breath hot against your shoulder. “You’re gonna cum, aren’t you? Fuuuck, I can feel it—come on, love, let go—ahh, fuckfuckfuuuuck—”
Your orgasm crashes over you hard, body shaking as you cry out around James, walls pulsing tight around Remus. “Fuuuuck—yes, just like that,” Remus groans, fucking you through it with deep, grinding thrusts. “So good—shit, you’re squeezin’ me so tight.”
They ease you through the aftershocks, hands stroking soothingly over your skin. But they’re not done.
Sirius pulls back with a slick sound, lips curved in a wicked smile. “My turn to taste how messy you’ve gotten.” He helps flip you onto your back, settling between your spread thighs. His tongue drags slowly through your folds, licking up the mix of your release and Remus’s, letting out a satisfied “Mmm… fuck, you taste incredible like this.”
You whine softly, hips twitching as he pushes two fingers inside you, curling them expertly. James shifts so your head rests in his lap, feeding you his cock again. “Take me, love—yeahhh… fuuuck, your mouth is heaven.” Remus kneels beside you, one hand stroking himself while the other pinches and rolls your nipples, leaning down to kiss along your collarbone.
Sirius devours you with lazy enthusiasm, tongue and fingers working together until you’re writhing. “Mmm—gonna fuck you now,” he murmurs, rising up and lining himself up. He sinks in slowly, savoring every inch with a long, drawn-out groan. “Fuuuck, love… still so tight and full—shit, feels perfect.”
He starts thrusting in a smooth rhythm, hands gripping your thighs. James fucks your mouth gently, whispering praises. “So pretty taking us all… mmm, good girl.” Remus watches closely, occasionally leaning in to lick at your clit alongside where Sirius moves inside you, making you jolt and moan.
“Fuckin’ hell,” Sirius pants, pace picking up. “You feel too good—f-fuck—gonna lose it if you keep—nngh—clenchin’ like that.”
You come again with a muffled cry, body arching as Sirius follows right after, burying himself deep with a broken “Shit—fuckfuckfuuuuck—fillin’ you up, love—mmm, yes.”
James pulls out to spill across your tongue and lips, groaning softly as you swallow what you can. Remus takes Sirius’s place almost immediately, sliding back into your slick, cum-filled heat with a satisfied sigh. “My turn again… gonna take my time with you—fuuuck, so warm and messy—shit, I love it.”
They surround you completely now—Sirius and James on either side, hands and mouths teasing every sensitive spot while Remus fucks you deep and unhurried. Soft moans, whispered curses, and contented hums fill the room as they draw out every bit of pleasure, building you up slowly toward the next peak.
“Fuuuck, look at her,” James murmurs, voice husky. “Our perfect girl… takin’ everything we give you—mmm, beautiful.”
Remus’s thrusts grow deeper, his groans turning ragged. “Gonna cum again—nngh, fuck—come with me this time, love—ahh, shitshit—yes—”
You shatter once more between them, overwhelmed and blissful, their combined touches and filthy, broken praises keeping you floating as they claim you thoroughly in the shared dorm. Their hands never stop wandering, promising many more rounds before the night is through.
[marauders masterlist]⋆.🐟︎
⬩➤ note: I KNEOWWW that I just posted a fic three days ago but I HAD to write this special drabble for y'all because holy shit THANK U FOR 100 FOLLOWERS EVERYONE🥹🥹 I'm genuinely so thankful for every single one of you, I did not expect my little writing hobby to blow up this much, I love y'all sm!!! Anyway, I hope u like my little drabble, it's basically just porn with no plot lol
Maybe... Marauders fic, where reader and Remus broke up but Sirius and James tried filling the void for reader that Remus left. Late nights went from sobbing about their once boyfriend turned into either James or Sirius's head between their thighs to distract them from whatever clouded their head as readers eyes roll back.... Maybe???
your wish is my command;))
DISTRACTION۶ৎ
[marauders masterlist]⋆.🐟︎
⬩➤ pairing: sirius black and james potter x fem!reader
⬩➤ details: nsfw, explicit sexual content, smut, polyamory, marauders era, hurt/comfort, emotional hurt/comfort, post-breakup, remus lupin ex, heartbreak, grief, emotional breakdown, crying during sex, heavy aftercare, comfort sex, friends to lovers, distraction sex, threesome (mfm), oral sex, vaginal sex, praise kink, dirty talk, possessiveness, tender sex, morning after
⬩➤ wordcount: 7.5k
⬩➤ note: i was so excited to see this request that i stayed home and didnt go to school just so i could write this all day even though i have a test tmrw,,, anyway, i didnt really proofread this so i hope it still turned out okay!
⬩➤ synopsis:
Heartbroken and hiding in your dorm after Remus ends things, the last thing you expect is James and Sirius pushing their way in with dinner and stubborn concern. What begins as soft comfort and quiet tears slowly ignites into something much more intense. In the safety of their arms, you let them distract you the only way they know how—completely, devotedly, and without holding back.
The heavy oak door of your dormitory clicks shut behind you with a finality that echoes in your chest. Outside, the corridors of Gryffindor Tower are alive with the distant chatter and laughter of students returning from dinner, but in here, the world feels muffled, as if someone has wrapped the entire room in thick velvet and left you alone inside it.
You sink onto the edge of your four-poster bed, the deep crimson hangings swaying slightly from the movement. The velvet is worn soft from years of use, but tonight it feels too heavy, too enclosing. Moonlight filters through the tall arched windows, silver and cold, catching on the scattered clothes you couldn’t be bothered to pick up, on the half-finished essay lying abandoned on your nightstand, and on the single chocolate frog card that slipped from your pocket earlier—Remus’s favorite. You stare at it until the image blurs.
Your throat tightens. The ache that has lived in your ribs for weeks sharpens into something vicious, something that steals your breath and forces the first hot tear down your cheek. You don’t wipe it away. More follow, silent at first, then accompanied by the smallest, broken sound that escapes your lips. The kind of sound you would never let anyone hear.
The dorm is quiet except for the soft crackle of the fire in the small hearth across the room. Its warm glow flickers over the stone walls, painting shifting patterns of gold and shadow that dance across the trunks at the foot of each bed, the scattered books, the half-empty ink bottles. The air smells faintly of parchment, smoldering wood, and the faint lavender sachets someone tucked into the drawers weeks ago. Everything feels too familiar. Too safe. Too much like the place where you used to curl up with him, whispering secrets under the covers while the others were out causing trouble.
You pull your knees up to your chest, wrapping your arms around them, and bury your face against the soft wool of your skirt. The fabric is damp within moments. Memories come whether you want them or not—Remus’s quiet laugh in the library, the way his scarred hands used to trace gentle circles on your back, the steady warmth of his voice promising that things would be okay even when the moon pulled at him. And then the way it all shattered. The distance. The excuses. The final, gentle but devastating conversation that left you standing in the corridor feeling like someone had scooped out everything warm inside you and replaced it with winter air.
“I miss you,” you whisper into your knees, voice cracking. It sounds pathetic even to your own ears, but the words keep spilling out between quiet sobs. “I miss how it felt like I was enough… Why wasn’t I enough?”
The tears fall faster now, soaking through the fabric and cooling against your skin. Your shoulders shake with the force of it. The room seems to close in, the crimson hangings turning from comforting to suffocating, the firelight too cheerful for the storm raging in your chest. You feel small. Hollow. The kind of lonely that no amount of house pride or friendship can touch right now.
Outside the window, the Black Lake glimmers under the moonlight, its surface rippling like it’s breathing. Somewhere far below, the boys are probably laughing in the common room—James with his easy grin, Sirius with that sharp, beautiful smirk that could light up the darkest night. But you can’t face them. Not tonight. Not when your eyes are red and swollen, not when every breath still hitches with the ghost of what you lost.
You curl tighter into yourself on the bed, the pillows cool against your damp cheek, and let the sobs come freely now. The sound is muffled by the thick drapes, lost in the vastness of the ancient tower. Just you, the flickering fire, the silver moonlight, and the heavy, aching weight of missing someone who no longer wants to be missed.
The emptiness feels endless.
You stay curled there for what might have been minutes or hours, the fire slowly dying to glowing embers that cast long, trembling shadows across the floor. Your breathing has evened into shaky, hiccuping sighs, but the tears still slip silently down your temples and into your hair. The dorm feels like a tomb—too quiet, too still, the distant laughter from the common room only making the isolation sharper.
Then, a knock.
Three firm raps against the heavy oak door, followed by a pause. You stiffen, heart lurching, but don’t move. Maybe if you stay silent they’ll leave.
Another knock, softer this time. A familiar voice filters through the wood, warm and tinged with worry.
“Oi, love? You in there?”
James.
You squeeze your eyes shut tighter, but another voice joins his—lower, smoother, laced with that signature Sirius Black edge of concern wrapped in teasing.
“Come on, sweetheart. We know you’re breathing. The Fat Lady said you came straight up after lessons and haven’t been seen since. Dinner’s long over.”
The handle rattles gently, not enough to force entry, just a reminder that they’re waiting. The smell hits you next—rich, savory, sneaking under the door like a promise. Roasted chicken, warm buttered potatoes, fresh bread, and something sweet, maybe treacle tart. Your stomach twists with hunger you hadn’t noticed until now, but the thought of food feels heavy, pointless.
“Please?” James tries again, voice gentler. “We brought plates. Didn’t want you starving up here alone.”
You swallow hard, throat raw from crying. For a long moment you consider pretending to be asleep, but the genuine worry in their tones chips away at your resolve. With a shaky breath, you push yourself up on trembling arms. Your reflection in the small mirror across the room is a mess—eyes puffy and red, cheeks blotchy, hair tangled from being pressed against the pillow. You don’t bother fixing it.
“...It’s open,” you manage, voice hoarse and small.
The door creaks open immediately. James Potter steps in first, tall and broad-shouldered, his messy dark hair even more chaotic than usual as if he’d run his hands through it repeatedly. His hazel eyes soften the instant they land on you, the easy Quidditch-captain confidence giving way to something tender and protective. In his arms he balances a charmed tray laden with covered plates, a pitcher of pumpkin juice, and silverware that glints in the low firelight.
Right behind him comes Sirius, all effortless grace and sharp edges, his long dark hair falling over one shoulder. He carries another smaller tray with desserts and napkins, but his grey eyes—usually sparkling with mischief—narrow with quiet intensity as he takes in your tear-streaked face and curled posture.
The room feels instantly fuller, warmer. The cool moonlight seems to retreat a little against the living energy they bring with them. James kicks the door gently shut behind them with his foot, the latch clicking softly.
“Merlin, you look like you’ve been through the wringer,” Sirius says, but there’s no bite to it—only soft concern. He sets his tray down on the nightstand and crouches in front of your bed so he’s eye-level with you, close enough that you catch the faint scent of leather, smoke, and his cologne.
James crosses to the other side of the bed, setting the larger tray carefully on the covers beside you. Steam rises from beneath the lids, carrying the rich aroma of roasted herbs and gravy. “You missed dinner,” he says simply, like that explains everything. “Couldn’t have you going to bed hungry on top of… well.” He gestures vaguely at your face, then offers a small, lopsided smile that doesn’t quite hide the worry in his eyes. “So we raided the kitchens. House-elves love us, you know.”
You stare at the trays, the food looking almost too vibrant against the muted colors of your sadness. Fresh bread rolls still warm, chicken glistening with juices, piles of perfectly mashed potatoes, glazed carrots, and two generous slices of treacle tart topped with cream. It’s far more than one person could eat. They’d clearly planned to stay.
Sirius reaches out slowly, giving you time to pull away, and tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear. His fingers are warm against your cool skin. “Talk to us, yeah? Or don’t. But you’re not sitting in here alone turning into a ghost.”
James settles on the edge of the bed, the mattress dipping under his weight, and gives your knee a gentle, reassuring squeeze through your skirt. “We’re not leaving until you’ve had at least a few bites. Doctor’s orders. Or… Prongs’ orders. Same thing, really.”
The fire crackles back to life a little brighter as if responding to their presence, casting golden light over their faces—James with his earnest, open expression and Sirius with that intense, searching gaze that sees far too much. The emptiness in your chest doesn’t vanish, but for the first time tonight, it feels just a little less infinite.
You manage a weak nod, not trusting your voice. James’s hand lingers on your knee for a moment longer before he reaches for the larger tray and lifts the silver lids with a quiet flourish. The rich, savory scents bloom fully now—herb-roasted chicken with crispy skin, buttery mashed potatoes swirled with cream, tender glazed carrots shining with honey, and thick slices of warm bread that steam when torn open. Your stomach gives a traitorous rumble despite everything.
Sirius shifts closer on the bed, his back resting against the headboard so he’s half behind you, offering silent support. James stays in front, cross-legged on the mattress, the tray balanced carefully between the three of you like a makeshift picnic in the middle of your sorrow.
“Go on,” James says softly, forking a generous portion of chicken and potatoes onto a plate before handing it to you. His movements are gentle, almost reverent, as if afraid too much noise might shatter you. “Just a little. For us?”
You take the plate with trembling hands. The porcelain is warm from the food. For a few heartbeats you simply stare at it, the golden-brown chicken glistening under the firelight, the potatoes fluffy and dotted with herbs. A fresh wave of tears wells up, blurring everything. You don’t sob loudly this time—just quiet, steady tears that slip down your cheeks and drip onto the plate as you lift the first forkful to your mouth.
The taste explodes across your tongue: perfectly seasoned, juicy chicken, savory and rich, followed by the creamy, buttery comfort of the potatoes. It’s warm, filling, everything your empty body has been craving. You chew slowly, another tear splashing onto the back of your hand. The contrast is almost painful—something so good while you feel so broken.
Sirius notices immediately. He doesn’t say anything at first, just reaches over and brushes a thumb across your cheek, catching a tear before it can fall into the food. His touch is feather-light, grounding.
“That’s it,” he murmurs, voice low and velvet-rough. “Keep going, love. You’re doing well.”
You take another bite, then another. The bread is crusty on the outside, soft and pillowy inside, soaked with a little gravy you drag it through. Each swallow feels like a small defiance against the hollow ache in your chest, but the tears refuse to stop. They come silently, steadily, tracing warm paths down your flushed cheeks and chin. One lands on the treacle tart when James slides a small slice onto your plate, its sticky sweetness glistening like amber in the firelight.
James watches you with those warm hazel eyes, his expression a mixture of fondness and quiet heartbreak on your behalf. He eats a little himself from the shared tray, but mostly he keeps refilling your plate with the best pieces—the crispiest bit of chicken skin, the center of the bread roll, extra tart.
“Remember when we snuck into the kitchens last term?” he says after a while, keeping his voice light but gentle, like he’s trying to weave a safety net of normalcy around you. “Sirius charmed the house-elves into giving us extra treacle tart for a week straight. You laughed so hard pumpkin juice came out your nose.”
A tiny, watery huff of a laugh escapes you despite everything, but it quickly dissolves back into quiet crying. You stab at a carrot, the honey glaze sticky on your fork, and bring it to your lips. The sweetness mixes with the salt of your tears. Everything tastes better and worse at the same time—comforting warmth battling the cold grief that still clings to your ribs.
Sirius leans in closer from behind, his chest a solid, reassuring presence against your shoulder. One of his hands rests lightly on your upper back, rubbing slow, soothing circles through your jumper. “You don’t have to stop crying,” he says quietly, lips close to your ear. “Eat through it. We’ve got all night.”
You nod, sniffling, and keep going. Bite after bite. The food settles warm and heavy in your stomach, grounding you in your body even as your mind drifts back to Remus—the way he used to save you the last piece of chocolate, the quiet way he’d read beside you in this very bed. Fresh tears spill over. James wordlessly hands you a napkin, then pours you a glass of pumpkin juice, the orange liquid catching the firelight like liquid sunset.
The three of you sit like that for a long while—the trays slowly emptying, the fire popping softly, your quiet tears falling intermittently onto the plates and your lap. The boys don’t push. They simply stay. James offering quiet stories and gentle encouragement, Sirius a steady, protective shadow at your back. The golden light wraps around all three of you, turning the sorrowful dormitory into something almost sacred.
And still, you eat. Crying softly. Letting the warmth of the meal and their presence slowly, carefully begin to chip away at the edges of that endless emptiness.
The last bite of treacle tart sits heavy and sweet on your tongue, the sticky caramel notes clinging to your lips. You set the fork down with a soft clink against the plate, your hands shaking slightly. The food has filled your stomach, but it has also loosened something deep inside your chest—like a dam finally cracking under too much pressure.
“I just… I don’t understand,” you whisper, voice raw and thick with unshed tears. The words start slow, then tumble out faster, gaining momentum. “He was supposed to be the one who stayed. Remus—he knew me. All the messy parts, the nightmares, the way I overthink everything. He’d hold me through the full moon aftermaths and make me feel like I wasn’t too much. And then one day he just… pulled away. Said it was for my own good. That he was too dangerous, too broken.”
A fresh wave of tears spills over. You swipe at them angrily with the back of your hand, but more keep coming. James and Sirius listen without interrupting, their attention complete and unwavering. James’s hand finds yours on the covers, his thumb stroking slow, soothing arcs across your knuckles. Sirius remains at your back, his chest solid and warm, one arm loosely draped around your waist now, anchoring you.
“I keep replaying it,” you continue, the words pouring out like a flood. “Every quiet conversation, every time he looked at me like I was something fragile he didn’t want to break. I loved him so much. I still do, and it makes me hate myself for it. Why wasn’t I enough to fight for? Why did he get to decide what was best for me without even giving us a real chance to try?” Your voice cracks, shoulders trembling. “I feel so stupid. Sitting here crying over someone who chose to leave. But it hurts. It hurts in my bones, like there’s this empty space where he used to be and nothing fits right anymore.”
You draw in a shaky, hiccuping breath, the firelight dancing across your tear-streaked face. The dormitory feels smaller now, the three of you cocooned in the golden glow while the rest of the world sleeps. The empty plates sit forgotten on the tray, the scent of roasted herbs and sweet treacle still lingering in the air.
“I miss his stupid sweaters and the way he’d quote poetry when he thought no one was listening. I miss feeling wanted. Needed. Now it’s just… this. This big hollow thing inside me that follows me everywhere.”
The confession hangs in the quiet for a long moment. Sirius’s arm tightens around you, his breath warm against your temple. James leans in closer, his hazel eyes shimmering with empathy and something fiercer—protective anger on your behalf.
“You were more than enough,” James says quietly, voice steady and sure. “You still are. He was lucky to have you, even for a while.”
You let out a wet, broken laugh that turns into another soft sob. The words keep coming, everything you’ve been carrying alone for weeks finally spilling into the space between you. The ache, the anger, the self-doubt, the love that refuses to die cleanly. They listen through all of it—James murmuring soft reassurances, Sirius pressing occasional kisses to your hair, both of them letting you empty the poison without trying to fix it.
Eventually the torrent slows. You’re left drained, breathing hard, cheeks burning and eyes swollen. The fire has burned lower again, casting everything in deep amber and shadow. You lean back against Sirius’s chest, exhausted but lighter, the warmth of the meal and their bodies seeping into your chilled skin.
After a long silence, your voice comes out small, almost embarrassed.
“I wish I could just… distract myself from thinking about him. Even for one night. Just make it stop.”
The words linger in the air.
James and Sirius go very still. Then, slowly, they look at each other over your shoulder. A spark passes between them—something mischievous, charged, and unmistakably familiar. James’s hazel eyes gleam with that trademark troublemaker glint, the corner of his mouth twitching upward. Sirius’s grey eyes darken with wicked intent, his lips curving into a slow, dangerous smirk that sends a faint shiver down your spine.
The look they share is loaded. Knowing. Full of unspoken promise.
The air in the dormitory shifts. The fire’s low crackle suddenly feels louder, more intimate, as if the room itself is holding its breath with you. Sirius’s arm around your waist tightens just a fraction, his fingers splaying possessively across your side. James’s thumb continues its slow, hypnotic strokes over your knuckles, but his touch grows warmer, more deliberate, tracing the delicate bones of your hand like he’s mapping new territory.
“You want a distraction?” Sirius murmurs, his voice low and rough against the shell of your ear. His breath is warm, sending tiny sparks racing across your skin. “Something to pull your mind away from him completely?”
You nod before you can overthink it, a small, uncertain movement against his chest. Your back is pressed to the solid warmth of him, his heartbeat steady and strong through his shirt. James leans in closer from the front, his knee brushing yours, hazel eyes dark in the firelight.
“We could help with that,” James says softly, his usual playful tone edged with something deeper, huskier. “If you’ll let us.”
Sirius’s free hand comes up to brush your hair aside, exposing the side of your neck. His fingertips trail lightly down the column of your throat, feather-soft, raising goosebumps in their wake. “We’ve watched you hurt for weeks,” he continues, lips brushing the sensitive skin just behind your ear. “Let us give you something else to feel.”
James’s hand slides from yours to rest on your thigh, warm and heavy through the fabric of your skirt. He squeezes gently, reassuringly, his gaze locked on your face—watching every flicker of emotion, every shallow breath. “Nothing you don’t want,” he adds, voice sincere even as his fingers begin tracing slow circles higher up your leg. “But we’re very good at distractions, love.”
Their touches are careful at first, exploratory. Sirius’s hand on your waist slips beneath the hem of your jumper, fingertips grazing the bare skin of your lower back in lazy patterns that make your breath hitch. James leans forward and presses a soft, lingering kiss to your temple, then another to the corner of your damp eye, tasting the salt of old tears. The contrast between Sirius’s teasing, roaming hands and James’s tender kisses sends heat blooming low in your belly, chasing away the lingering chill of grief.
“You’re so beautiful when you let yourself feel,” Sirius whispers, nipping gently at your earlobe. “We could make you feel so much more.”
Your heart hammers against your ribs. Part of you still aches for Remus, but another, louder part is leaning into their warmth, craving the way they make the emptiness retreat. James’s hand on your thigh squeezes again, higher this time, his palm sliding inward with deliberate slowness, testing, offering.
Sirius grows impatient.
With a low, frustrated sound in the back of his throat, he cups your jaw, turning your head gently but firmly toward him. His grey eyes are storm-dark, burning with want. “Fuck it,” he breathes, and then his mouth is on yours.
The kiss is hungry, consuming—nothing like the gentle touches that came before. His lips are soft but insistent, claiming yours with weeks of pent-up tension. He tastes faintly of treacle and firewhisky from earlier, and something uniquely Sirius: wild and addictive. A small, surprised sound escapes you, but it melts into a sigh as you kiss him back. Your body relaxes against his chest, tension draining away as you open to him, letting his tongue trace your lower lip and slip inside.
You melt.
Completely.
One of your hands comes up to clutch at his shirt, the other reaching blindly for James, who takes it immediately and presses it to his own chest so you can feel how fast his heart is racing. Sirius kisses you deeper, slower now, savoring the way you surrender to it. His hand slides into your hair, cradling the back of your head as he tilts you exactly how he wants you.
When he finally pulls back, just enough for you to breathe, his lips are flushed and his eyes are gleaming with satisfaction. “There she is,” he murmurs against your mouth, voice wrecked.
James watches the two of you with dark, hungry eyes, a crooked, devastating smile spreading across his face. His hand on your thigh squeezes once more, promising.
“Still want that distraction, love?” he asks, voice low and rough.
You don’t even hesitate. The word slips out on a trembling breath, barely more than a whisper.
“Yes.”
The moment the word leaves your lips, the atmosphere in the dormitory thickens, charged like the air before a storm. James’s hazel eyes darken with satisfaction, and Sirius lets out a soft, approving hum against your neck.
“Good girl,” Sirius murmurs, the praise sliding down your spine like warm honey. His mouth returns to yours, kissing you slower this time, deep and languid, while one hand slips fully under your jumper. His palm is hot against your bare stomach, fingers splaying wide as he maps the curve of your waist, the dip of your ribs, teasing just beneath the band of your bra.
James shifts closer from the front, gently pushing the empty trays aside with his foot. He kneels between your parted legs, hands sliding up both thighs now, pushing your skirt higher with deliberate care. His touch is firmer than Sirius’s teasing exploration—confident, grounding. He leans in and presses open-mouthed kisses along your jaw, then down the column of your throat, sucking lightly at the sensitive spot where your pulse flutters wildly.
“You have no idea how long we’ve wanted to touch you like this,” James breathes against your skin, voice muffled. His fingers trace the edge of your underwear beneath the bunched fabric of your skirt, not quite dipping inside, just teasing the warm skin there until your hips twitch involuntarily.
Sirius breaks the kiss only to trail his lips to your ear. “Every time you looked sad these past weeks,” he whispers, teeth grazing your lobe, “we thought about all the ways we could make you forget his name.” His hand finally slides higher under your jumper, cupping your breast through your bra. His thumb circles the peak slowly, teasing it into a stiff peak before pinching lightly. The spark of pleasure makes you arch, a soft gasp escaping into the warm space between you.
James chuckles lowly, the sound vibrating against your collarbone. He tugs your skirt higher, exposing more of your thighs to the fire-warmed air. His mouth follows the path of his hands, kissing and nipping the soft skin of your inner thigh while his fingers continue their maddening teasing along the edge of your knickers.
“Look at you,” James murmurs, glancing up at you with hooded eyes. “Already trembling for us. So pretty when you’re needy.” He presses a slow, open-mouthed kiss directly over the damp fabric between your legs, breathing warm air against you through the thin material. The sensation makes your hips jerk.
Sirius keeps one hand on your breast, rolling and teasing your nipple, while the other tilts your chin so he can kiss you again—filthier this time, tongue stroking yours in time with the way James is kissing and licking at you through your underwear. The dual attention is overwhelming in the best way. Heat pools low in your belly, heavy and aching. Your hands fist in James’s messy hair with one and clutch Sirius’s thigh with the other, grounding yourself as soft, desperate sounds slip from your throat.
“Shh, we’ve got you,” Sirius soothes between kisses, his voice husky. “Just feel. Let us take care of that pretty head of yours.”
James hooks his fingers into the waistband of your knickers and slowly—agonizingly slowly—tugs them down your legs, letting the cool air kiss your exposed heat. He groans at the sight of you, eyes dark with hunger. “So wet already,” he praises, pressing a reverent kiss right above where you need him most. His tongue flicks out, tracing a teasing stripe along your folds without giving you the full pressure you crave. “Taste so sweet. Been thinking about this for so long.”
Sirius’s hand leaves your breast to join James’s efforts, his fingers spreading you open gently so James can lick deeper, slower, circling your clit with maddening precision. Sirius keeps kissing your neck, your jaw, your swollen lips—whispering filthy encouragement between each one.
“That’s it… let James make you feel good. You’re dripping for us, love. So perfect.”
Your head falls back against Sirius’s shoulder, eyes fluttering shut as waves of teasing pleasure wash over you. Their hands and mouths work in perfect tandem—James’s tongue and lips devouring you with focused hunger, Sirius’s fingers pinching and rolling your nipples, his mouth marking your neck with slow, claiming kisses. Every touch, every word, pulls your mind further away from the shadows of the past and anchors you firmly in the overwhelming present.
You’re lost in them—moaning, hips rolling, body singing under their combined attention.
James pulls back just enough to look up at you, his lips shiny, hazel eyes blown wide with lust and something almost reverent. Without a word, he sinks lower between your spread thighs, settling properly on his knees in front of the bed. The mattress dips as he hooks your legs over his broad shoulders, opening you completely to him. Sirius keeps you anchored against his chest, one strong arm wrapped around your waist, the other hand gently cradling the side of your face.
“Easy, love,” Sirius murmurs against your temple, his voice a low, soothing rumble. “Let James take care of you. He’s been dying to taste you properly.”
James presses a slow, open-mouthed kiss to your inner thigh, then another higher up, savoring the soft skin there. He takes his time, breathing warm against your soaked core, teasing you with anticipation until you’re squirming. Only then does he lean in fully.
His tongue drags slowly, deliberately, from your entrance all the way up to your clit in one long, luxurious stroke. The wet heat of it makes your back arch hard against Sirius’s chest. James groans deeply at your taste, the sound vibrating straight through you.
“Fuck, you’re perfect,” he breathes, before diving back in with devastating patience.
He eats you out like he has all the time in the world—like savoring the finest meal of his life. Long, slow licks that cover every inch of you, circling your clit with gentle pressure before dipping down to press inside you, fucking you shallowly with his tongue. Every movement is deliberate, worshipful. He sucks softly on your folds, then on your clit, alternating between broad flat strokes and precise flicks that make stars burst behind your eyelids.
You cry out, the sound raw and needy. Your hands fly down to tangle in his messy hair, holding him closer as your hips roll against his face. James only moans in encouragement, the vibrations adding another layer of pleasure.
Behind you, Sirius is a steady, filthy anchor. He turns your head gently and captures your mouth in a deep, consuming kiss, swallowing every moan and whimper that James pulls from you. When he breaks it, his lips trail down to your neck, sucking and biting softly at the sensitive skin while he whispers praise right against your ear.
“That’s it, sweetheart… let him hear how good it feels. You’re soaking his tongue, aren’t you? Such a good girl, falling apart for us.” His hand slides down to cup one of your breasts again, rolling the nipple between his fingers in time with James’s slow, devastating licks. “Look at him between your pretty thighs. He could do this for hours. We both could.”
James hums in agreement, the vibration making your toes curl. He shifts slightly, adjusting the angle so he can seal his lips around your clit and suck with gentle, rhythmic pressure while two fingers slowly sink inside you. He curls them expertly, stroking that perfect spot with each slow thrust as his tongue continues its unhurried worship.
The pleasure builds like thick, molten honey—slow, deep, and overwhelming. Every slow drag of James’s tongue, every curl of his fingers, every filthy word and kiss from Sirius pushes you higher. Your thighs tremble around James’s shoulders. Tears of overwhelming sensation prick at the corners of your eyes again, but this time they’re born from pleasure, not pain.
Sirius kisses the corner of your eye, tasting the salt. “No thinking about anything else,” he commands softly, nipping at your jaw. “Only us. Only how good James is making you feel. You’re clenching so tight around his fingers, love. Gonna come so beautifully for him, aren’t you?”
James doubles down, sucking harder on your clit while his fingers thrust deeper, faster, but still with that devoted, pleasing rhythm. His free hand grips your hip, holding you steady as your body starts to shake.
You’re completely lost—moaning loudly into Sirius’s mouth, hips grinding against James’s face, every nerve alight with slow-burning ecstasy. The firelight paints their skin in warm gold and shadow as they worship you, pulling you further and further from any thought of Remus and deep into them.
James pulls back with one final, reverent lick and rises. His eyes are soft even as they burn with desire. “We’re going to take care of you now,” he says quietly, almost solemnly. “Just you. Nothing else exists tonight.”
They move you with gentle hands. Sirius settles back against the headboard, pulling you between his legs so your back rests fully against his warm, bare chest. His arms wrap around you like a shield, one hand resting over your racing heart. James kneels in front of you, naked and beautiful in the firelight, his hands stroking your thighs soothingly.
James leans in first, kissing you slow and deep, letting you taste yourself on his tongue. “Breathe,” he whispers against your lips. “We’ve got you.”
When he finally pushes inside you, it’s achingly slow. Inch by inch, he sinks into your heat, stretching you open with such care that tears of overwhelming sensation prick at your eyes again. The fullness is perfect—heavy, warm, grounding. A broken moan escapes you as he bottoms out, hips flush against yours.
“Oh, fuck—” The sound comes out small and shattered. For the first time in weeks, the sharp ache in your chest feels muffled, pushed aside by the sheer intensity of being filled so completely by someone who wants you this much.
James stays still inside you, letting you adjust, forehead pressed to yours. “There you are,” he murmurs tenderly. “Feel me. Just feel how much we want you.”
Sirius kisses the side of your neck, his voice low and velvet-rough in your ear. “He feels good, doesn’t he, love? So deep. Let it wash everything else away. You’re safe here. You’re wanted here.”
James begins to move—long, slow, rolling thrusts that drag against every sensitive place inside you. Each stroke is deliberate, devoted. The wet, intimate sound of him moving inside you mixes with the crackle of the fire and your own ragged breathing. Pleasure blooms deep in your belly, thick and molten, spreading outward until your fingers dig into James’s shoulders.
Every thrust pushes the memory of Remus further back. Every time James bottoms out and grinds against you, another fragment of pain dissolves. Sirius’s hands roam your body with worshipful touches—cupping your breasts, rolling your nipples, stroking your stomach—while his mouth stays at your neck, kissing, sucking, whispering.
“You’re so beautiful like this,” Sirius breathes. “Falling apart on his cock. Letting us love you the way you deserve. No more hurting alone. Not tonight.”
The emotions hit you harder than the pleasure. Relief. Gratitude. A deep, aching need to be wanted exactly as you are. Tears slip down your cheeks again, but they feel cleansing now. James notices and kisses them away without breaking rhythm, his hips still moving in that perfect, steady pace.
“I’ve got you,” he repeats like a promise, voice strained with effort but full of warmth. “Let go, love. We’ll catch everything you need to release.”
Sirius’s hand slides down to circle your clit with slow, slick strokes. The combined sensation—James’s thick cock dragging inside you, Sirius’s clever fingers, their bodies surrounding you—builds the pleasure higher and higher. Your moans grow louder, more desperate. Your walls flutter around James as the orgasm approaches, slow and powerful.
When it finally breaks over you, it feels like something inside your chest cracks open and floods with light. You cry out, body shaking, clenching hard around James as wave after wave crashes through you. The pleasure is so intense it whites out your thoughts completely. For those long, blissful moments, there is no Remus. There is only heat, fullness, safety, and the overwhelming feeling of being cherished.
James follows you over the edge with a deep groan, burying himself to the hilt and spilling inside you, hips twitching. He stays there, holding you close, kissing you through the aftershocks.
They don’t rush anything.
Sirius holds you through it all, murmuring soft praise and pressing kisses to your hair while James catches his breath. After a few minutes, they switch with the same gentle care. Sirius slides into you from behind while you rest against James’s chest. His thrusts are deeper, a little rougher, but still focused entirely on your pleasure—angling to hit that spot that makes you see stars, one hand never leaving your clit.
James holds your face in his hands, kissing you softly, whispering how perfect you are, how much they adore you, how they’re going to make sure you never feel empty again.
You cum again on Sirius’s cock, harder this time, sobbing with the intensity of it. The release feels emotional as much as physical—months of grief and loneliness pouring out of you with every pulse of pleasure.
They stay wrapped around you the entire time, touching, kissing, praising, making sure every second is about you.
The world slowly comes back into focus.
Your body is trembling, boneless, and utterly spent. The last powerful waves of pleasure have ebbed, leaving you floating in a warm, hazy sea of exhaustion and overwhelming emotion. Tears—the good kind, the releasing kind—continue to slip silently down your cheeks as you sag heavily between them.
James and Sirius don’t pull away. Not even for a second.
James stays buried inside you for a long, tender moment, pressing soft, lingering kisses to your forehead, your closed eyelids, the tip of your nose. “You did so well,” he whispers, voice thick with emotion. “So beautiful. So perfect for us.” He finally eases out of you with a gentle roll of his hips, murmuring apologies when you whimper at the loss.
Sirius immediately shifts you in his arms, turning you so you’re curled against his chest like he never wants to let you go. His heartbeat is strong and steady under your ear—a lifeline. One of his hands strokes slow, soothing circles up and down your bare back while the other cradles the back of your head.
“Shhh, we’ve got you, love,” he murmurs, lips brushing your temple. “You’re safe. You’re here with us. Just breathe.”
James disappears for only a moment. You hear the soft sound of water being poured from the pitcher into the basin on the nightstand. He returns with a warm, damp cloth and begins cleaning you with infinite care—between your thighs, across your stomach, over your chest. Every touch is gentle, almost reverent. He wipes away the evidence of what you shared, murmuring soft praises the entire time.
“There we go… nice and clean. You were so good for us.”
When he’s finished, he climbs back onto the bed and presses in close on your other side, sandwiching you warmly between their bodies. The three of you tangle together under the heavy crimson covers. James pulls the blankets up high around your shoulders while Sirius tucks your head beneath his chin. Their legs intertwine with yours. Skin against skin. Nothing but warmth and closeness.
You’re still crying quietly—not from sadness anymore, but from the sheer intensity of being held like this. Cherished. Wanted. The kind of care you hadn’t realized how badly you needed.
James notices immediately. He cups your face with one large, warm hand, thumb brushing away fresh tears. “Hey… look at me, sweetheart.” His hazel eyes are soft, full of so much affection it makes your chest ache in the best way. “It’s okay to cry. We’re right here. We’re not going anywhere.”
Sirius presses a long kiss to the top of your head, then another to your hair. “You don’t have to be strong right now,” he says quietly, his usual sharp edges completely softened. “You carried so much pain alone. Let us carry some of it tonight. Let us hold all of you.”
They take turns caring for you in the gentlest ways.
James fetches a glass of water and helps you sip it slowly, praising you when you drink. Sirius feeds you a few small pieces of leftover treacle tart from the tray, holding it to your lips with his fingers and smiling softly when you accept. They wipe your face with another warm cloth, comb through your tangled hair with careful fingers, and press kisses everywhere—your wrists, your shoulders, the inside of your palms.
Every few minutes one of them checks in.
“How do you feel?” James asks, voice barely above a whisper as he traces patterns on your arm.
“Safe,” you manage, voice hoarse and small. “Warm… wanted.”
Sirius’s arms tighten around you. “Good. Because you are. You’re so fucking wanted.”
They hold you through the aftershocks—the occasional shiver that runs through your body, the way your breathing sometimes hitches. James keeps one hand over your heart, grounding you. Sirius whispers stories against your hair—silly memories of the three of you before everything got complicated, promises of more nights like this if you want them, gentle teasing about how beautiful you looked falling apart for them.
The fire burns low, casting a soft golden glow over the three of you tangled together. The heavy crimson hangings create a private world. Outside, the castle sleeps. Inside this bed, there is only tenderness.
You drift in and out of a light, peaceful doze, always aware of their warmth surrounding you. Every time you stir, one of them is there—kissing your forehead, rubbing your back, whispering that you’re not alone anymore.
For the first time in weeks, the emptiness feels distant. Not gone completely, but no longer endless.
You are held.
You are cared for.
You are theirs tonight, in every way that matters.
The first hints of morning light filter through the heavy crimson drapes, soft and rosy. You wake slowly, nestled safely between them. Your body feels heavy and sated, a pleasant ache lingering in all the right places.
Sirius lies behind you, his chest warm against your back, one arm draped possessively over your waist. His long dark hair spills across the pillow and your shoulder. James faces you, his messy curls even more chaotic in sleep, one leg hooked comfortably over yours.
For a long moment you don’t move. You simply breathe them in—the familiar scents of leather and smoke from Sirius, the clean warmth of James that always reminds you of sunshine and grass. The room is quiet except for their steady breathing and the distant sounds of the castle beginning to wake.
Your mind drifts to last night. Not with the usual sharp ache, but with a slow, blooming warmth. You remember James between your thighs, hazel eyes dark and devoted as his tongue worked you with devastating patience. Sirius’s voice in your ear, low and filthy, grounding you through every wave of pleasure.
You remember the way they moved together, focused entirely on you. The stretch and fullness. The tears that came from release instead of pain. The gentle aftercare that followed—warm cloths, soft praises, their bodies wrapped around yours until you drifted off feeling safe.
For the first time in weeks, your first thought isn’t of Remus. There’s no immediate sting, no hollow echo in your chest. Instead you think of them. Of Sirius’s impatient kiss that shattered your hesitation. Of James’s steady thrusts and the way he kissed your tears away. Of how completely they had filled the emptiness inside you.
A small smile tugs at your lips. Your fingers trace lightly over James’s forearm. He stirs at your touch, hazel eyes blinking open. They focus on you and a sleepy, devastatingly soft smile spreads across his face.
“Morning, love,” he murmurs, voice rough with sleep. His hand comes up to cup your cheek, thumb brushing gently beneath your eye. “You okay? No regrets?”
You shake your head, leaning into his palm. “No regrets,” you whisper. “Just… thinking about last night. About you. Both of you.”
His smile widens. He leans in and presses a slow kiss to your forehead, then the tip of your nose. “Good thoughts, I hope.”
“The best,” you admit softly. The honesty feels freeing.
Behind you, Sirius wakes with a low groan. He nuzzles into the crook of your neck, pressing a lazy kiss to your skin before lifting his head. His grey eyes are still heavy-lidded, hair gloriously tousled.
“There’s our girl,” he rasps. His arm tightens around your waist, pulling you closer. “You slept well. No nightmares. No waking up crying.”
You reach back to thread your fingers through his hair. “I wasn’t thinking about him,” you say quietly. “When I woke up… it was just you two. How safe I felt. How much I wanted both of you.”
Sirius’s arm squeezes gently. James intertwines his fingers with yours. They exchange a soft look over you, full of quiet relief and affection.
“That’s all we wanted,” James says, kissing your knuckles. “For you to feel wanted. Needed.”
Sirius nips at your earlobe. “And if you need more distractions… any night… we’re not going anywhere.”
You lie there as the morning light grows stronger, the three of you tangled together. James eventually slips away just long enough to fetch water and a few pieces of leftover fruit. He feeds you bites by hand while Sirius combs gentle fingers through your hair.
Their touches stay tender. James strokes your thigh. Sirius presses occasional kisses to your temple. The emptiness that once felt endless has receded further into the distance. It may return, but right now you feel full. Present. Cherished.
You turn to kiss Sirius, slow and sweet, then lean forward to kiss James the same way. They respond with matching softness, hands roaming gently.
Outside, the castle stirs to life. Inside your bed, the three of you linger in the golden morning light. For the first time in weeks, your thoughts are filled with messy curls and stormy grey eyes, with hazel warmth and wicked smirks.
⬩➤ details: nsfw, explicit sexual content, hurt/comfort, heavy emotional hurt, angst with happy ending, mutual pining, exes to lovers, second chance romance, forced proximity, room of requirement, wearing his sweater, emotional breakdown, love confessions, fluffy smut, hurt/comfort smut, self-sacrificing remus, werewolf trauma, light dom/sub undertones, possessive sex, marauders being good friends, post-breakup reconciliation
⬩➤ wordcount: 24.0k
⬩➤ note: and to celebrate the fact that i just got back with my beloved ex after i posted me wearing his hoodie to this song, i will be giving you guys a remus fic inspired by said song. this fic is LONG long and definitely not proofread since I wrote it during multiple 1ams, so I hope it turned out okay anyway.....??? i do feel like I couldve written it wayyy shorter but I do NOT have time to edit this especially with school in the way,,
⬩➤ synopsis:
After Remus Lupin pushes you away to “protect” you from the wolf and the coming war, you’re left haunted by his absence. Every night you curl up in his oversized Gryffindor sweater—the one that still carries faint traces of chocolate, old books, pine, and smoke—replaying memories of stolen kisses and quiet love while the ache in your chest refuses to fade. When the Room of Requirement traps the two of you together just days before the full moon, everything you’ve been trying to bury finally rises to the surface.
The castle was silent in the way only Hogwarts could be at this hour—thick, velvet quiet that pressed against the stone walls like a living thing, broken only by the occasional creak of ancient beams settling or the faint, far-off hoot of an owl from the owlery. You lay awake in your four-poster bed in the Gryffindor girls’ dormitory, the heavy crimson curtains drawn around you like a shroud. The red velvet trapped the warmth of your body but offered no comfort. Sleep refused to come, slipping through your fingers like smoke every time you reached for it. Your mind churned restlessly, replaying fragments of moments you wished you could bury.
The sheets felt too rough against your skin, the pillow too flat, the air too cold despite the dying embers in the distant common room fireplace whose heat never quite reached up here. You turned onto your side, then your back, then curled into a tight ball, but nothing helped. The ache in your chest was a constant, gnawing presence, a hollow that no amount of tossing could fill. With a shaky exhale, you sat up, the mattress dipping beneath you, and reached blindly toward the trunk at the foot of your bed. Your fingers found it immediately—the oversized, worn Gryffindor sweater that no longer belonged to you but somehow still felt more yours than anything else in this room.
You pulled it over your head slowly, deliberately, as if rushing might break the fragile spell it cast. The fabric was soft from countless washes and years of wear, the deep maroon faded in places to a gentler burgundy, especially along the elbows and hem. It hung loose on your frame, the sleeves long enough to swallow your hands entirely, the shoulders broad and sloping where they had once fit Remus’s taller, leaner build. The neckline sagged, brushing against your collarbones like a hesitant touch. You tugged the cuffs over your fists, bringing one frayed edge to your lips out of habit. The threads were unraveling there, soft and slightly bristly against your tongue as you chewed gently, a nervous tic you’d developed in the weeks since everything fell apart.
It still smelled like him.
You buried your face deeper into the collar, inhaling until your lungs burned. Chocolate—rich, dark, the kind he always kept hidden in his pockets for after full moons or long study sessions. Old books, that comforting musty scent of parchment and ink that clung to his skin after hours in the library. Beneath it all, crisp pine from the forest edge where he sometimes wandered alone, and a faint trace of smoke, not from cigarettes but from the hearth fires and perhaps the occasional illicit bonfire the Marauders lit during their more reckless nights. The combination wrapped around you like arms that weren’t there, warm and enveloping, pulling you under until your throat tightened and your eyes stung with unshed tears.
You drew your knees up to your chest, the sweater pooling around your thighs like a blanket, and wrapped your arms around yourself. It engulfed you completely—the hem brushing mid-thigh, the sleeves draping past your fingertips. In the dim moonlight filtering through a gap in the bed curtains, you looked small and lost inside it, a ghost wearing the skin of someone else’s comfort. Your chest ached fiercely, a sharp, blooming pain that radiated outward until it felt like your ribs might crack.
You missed him. Merlin, you missed him with a depth that terrified you. Remus Lupin, with his quiet smiles and clever eyes that saw too much, his scarred hands that had traced every inch of you in secret, his voice low and steady even when the wolf clawed at him from within. The breakup had been his choice—his stupid, noble, self-sacrificing decision. “I’m too dangerous,” he’d said, voice cracking in the dim light of an empty classroom weeks ago. “The wolf, the war coming… I won’t risk you.” As if you hadn’t already chosen him a hundred times over, scars and moon cycles and all. As if your heart hadn’t already decided it was his to break.
Tears slipped free now, hot and silent, carving tracks down your cheeks. You pressed the sleeve harder against your face, muffling the soft, broken sound that escaped your lips. The fabric absorbed them, just as it had absorbed so many others. You could still picture the exact night he’d given it to you—slipping it over your shoulders in the common room after a particularly cold Quidditch match, his fingers lingering at the zipper of your robes, a shy but warm smile tugging at his mouth. “You look better in it anyway,” he’d murmured, and you’d laughed, pulling him down for a stolen kiss behind the armchair.
Now that memory twisted like a knife. Everything did. The secret kisses in the library stacks, where dust motes danced in the slanted light and his hands had cupped your face like you were something precious and fragile. The way he’d laughed—really laughed, head thrown back—when he caught you wearing this same sweater in the common room a few nights later, cheeks flushed as you pretended to study by the fire. He’d pulled you into his lap right there, uncaring who might see, his arms circling your waist as he pressed his face into your hair and whispered how much he loved seeing you in his things.
You squeezed your eyes shut, but the images only grew sharper, more vivid, booming through your consciousness like thunder rolling across the Scottish moors. The longing was a living beast inside you, clawing at your insides with the same ferocity as the wolf he feared. I should hate you for leaving, you thought, the words heavy and bitter on your tongue. I should burn this sweater and move on like a sensible person. But you couldn’t. You wouldn’t. It was all you had left of the way he used to look at you—like the moon wasn’t a curse but a distant, beautiful thing. Like you were the anchor that kept the wolf at bay.
The dorm was so still around you. Lily’s soft breathing from the next bed, Marlene’s occasional murmur in her sleep. They didn’t know the full extent of it. No one did, really, except perhaps Sirius with his knowing glances and James with his failed attempts at distraction. You were alone in this grief, wrapped in stolen warmth that only made the cold inside sharper. Your fingers traced the frayed hem absently, feeling the loose threads catch on your nails. The scent was fading, you realized with a fresh wave of panic—slowly, cruelly, day by day. Soon it might smell only of laundry soap and you, and what then? Would you lose even this ghost of him?
A sob caught in your throat, raw and guttural. You curled tighter into the sweater, pulling the hood—if it could be called that in its stretched, imperfect form—up over your head. It draped heavily, cocooning you in darkness and his lingering essence. The ache in your chest swelled until it felt like drowning, like the Black Lake rising up to claim you. Come back, your heart whispered traitorously. I don’t care about the moon or the war or your scars. I just want you. But he wouldn’t. He’d made his choice, and you were left here, wearing the evidence of what you once had like a penance.
Time blurred as you lay there, the castle’s quiet deepening around you. The moonlight shifted across the floor, silver and cold. Your eyelids grew heavy at last, not from peace but from exhaustion, tears still drying on your lashes. The sweater clung to you like a second skin, too big, too warm, too painful. It was a cruel comfort, a beautiful torment. You drifted toward sleep with his name on your lips, unspoken, and the overwhelming certainty that tomorrow would be no easier than today. The longing remained, vast and endless as the Forbidden Forest, swallowing you whole.
The memory pulled you under like a warm tide, carrying you back to that cold Hogsmeade night months ago, when everything still felt possible.
The snow fell in thick, lazy flakes that night, blanketing the cobblestone streets of Hogsmeade in a pristine white glow under the moonlight. Seventh-year freedom tasted sweet on your tongue as you slipped out of the Three Broomsticks with Remus, your secret date tucked carefully between butterbeer and shared glances that no one else noticed. The wind bit at your cheeks, sharp and icy, cutting through your thin cloak like icy fingers. Your teeth chattered despite the warming charm you’d tried earlier, and your breath puffed out in visible clouds that mingled with his as you walked side by side, shoulders brushing in that deliberate, careful way you both maintained in public.
Remus’s hand found yours briefly in the shadow of a lamppost, his scarred fingers warm and steady, squeezing once before letting go. His golden-brown hair was dusted with snow, curls damp and tousled, and his amber eyes reflected the soft lantern light from shop windows. That smile—Merlin, that smile—curved his lips, gentle and boyish, making the scars across his face soften into something achingly beautiful. “You’re freezing,” he murmured, voice low and rough like aged parchment, sending a different kind of shiver down your spine. The romantic tension hummed between you, electric and alive, every stolen glance booming with unspoken promises.
He stopped under the awning of Honeydukes, the scent of chocolate and sugar lingering in the air even through the cold. Without hesitation, he shrugged off his heavy Gryffindor sweater—the one he’d worn beneath his robes—and draped it over your shoulders. The fabric was still warm from his body heat, enveloping you instantly like a tender embrace. It was oversized on your frame, the maroon wool soft and worn at the elbows, sleeves dangling past your fingertips. You pulled it closer, inhaling deeply. It smelled exactly like him: rich dark chocolate from the bar he’d shared earlier, the comforting must of old books from hours spent in the library, crisp pine from forest walks, and a faint smoky trace from the common room fire. The scent wrapped around your heart, making it flutter wildly in your chest.
“Better?” he asked, his voice warm with affection as he adjusted the collar, his fingers brushing your neck and sending sparks racing across your skin. You nodded, cheeks flushing not just from the cold. “You look beautiful in it,” he continued, stepping closer until his breath mingled with yours in the frosty air. “Keep it tonight. I like knowing you’re wrapped in something of mine... that a part of me is keeping you warm when I can’t.” His words were tender, laced with that quiet intensity only Remus possessed, his eyes searching yours with vulnerable longing. The moment stretched, booming with emotion—the snow swirling around you like stars, the distant laughter of other students fading into nothing. He leaned in, pressing the softest kiss to your forehead, then your lips, slow and sweet, tasting of butterbeer and forever. Your heart soared, filled to bursting with love for this boy who carried the weight of the moon yet gave you his warmth so freely.
The memory shifted, pulling you deeper into the stacks of the Restricted Section’s adjacent shelves late one evening, weeks after that Hogsmeade night. The library was dim, golden lamplight flickering from enchanted candles that cast long, dancing shadows between the towering bookshelves. Dust motes swirled in the slanted beams, the air thick with the scent of aged leather and ink. You’d been “attempting” to study for N.E.W.T.s—parchment and quills abandoned on a nearby table—but Remus had other plans the moment no one was watching.
His hand closed around your wrist, firm yet gentle, pulling you behind a tall row of ancient tomes on defensive magic. The risk of getting caught thrummed in your veins, heart pounding like a war drum against your ribs. “Remus,” you whispered, half protest, half plea, but he silenced you with a look—those amber eyes dark with desire, pupils blown wide. He backed you against the shelves, the wood pressing into your back as his body aligned with yours, tall and lean and radiating heat. The chemistry between you was explosive, a roaring fire that consumed every careful boundary you’d tried to maintain.
His hands framed your face first, thumbs tracing your jaw with reverence, then slid down to your waist, pulling you flush against him. The kisses started soft, desperate in their tenderness—his lips claiming yours with a hunger that spoke of stolen moments and hidden love. They deepened quickly, heated and breathless, his tongue tracing yours in a way that made your knees weak. You tasted chocolate on him again, felt the faint scrape of stubble against your skin, heard the low, rumbling groan in his chest that vibrated through you. One hand tangled in your hair, tilting your head for better access; the other slipped beneath the hem of the sweater you still wore—his sweater—fingers grazing the bare skin of your lower back, sending shivers of intense pleasure racing up your spine.
Your racing heart thundered in your ears, drowning out the distant rustle of pages from other students far away. This is dangerous, your mind screamed even as your body arched into him, fingers clutching the front of his shirt. But the danger only heightened everything—the thrill of possible discovery, the overwhelming love and lust that made every touch feel like lightning. His mouth moved to your neck, sucking gently, whispering your name like a prayer against your skin. “I can’t get enough of you,” he breathed, voice husky and wrecked. The tension was unbearable, romantic and sexual in equal measure, bodies pressed so close you felt every beat of his heart, every restrained tremor of want. Time lost meaning in those shadowed stacks, just you and Remus, lost in a world of secret passion that burned brighter than any spell.
Another shift carried you to the Gryffindor common room, late at night when the fire crackled low and most students had gone to bed. The room was warm, bathed in ruby and gold light, armchairs and sofas casting cozy shadows. You’d curled up in one of the oversized chairs by the hearth, once again wearing his sweater, the fabric now a constant comfort. Remus had entered quietly, books tucked under his arm, but the moment his eyes landed on you—drowned in maroon wool, sleeves chewed absently, looking small and utterly his—his face transformed.
A soft, genuine laugh escaped him, warm and affectionate, lighting up his entire being. It was rare, that full laugh, head tilted back slightly, eyes crinkling at the corners. “Merlin, love,” he chuckled, crossing the room in long strides. “You’re going to wear that thing out before I even get it back.” But there was no complaint in his voice, only pure, booming adoration. He sank into the chair beside you and pulled you effortlessly into his lap, arms encircling your waist as if you belonged there forever. His chin rested on your shoulder, breath warm against your ear. “Come here,” he murmured, nuzzling into the crook of your neck, pressing gentle kisses along your jaw, then capturing your lips in slow, lingering ones that tasted of home.
The cuddles were everything—his large hands rubbing soothing circles on your back, the way he held you like you were the most precious thing in his fractured world. Whispers of “I love you” and “You make the moon feel less heavy” filled the intimate space between you. The fire popped softly, mirroring the warmth blooming in your chest, affection so overwhelming it felt like the stars themselves had aligned just for this moment. You melted into him, fingers threading through his hair, the sweater a bridge between your bodies, carrying his scent and now yours intertwined.
But the memories shattered like fragile glass as the present crashed back in, cold and merciless. You were still in your four-poster bed in the Gryffindor girls’ dormitory, the heavy crimson curtains a poor barrier against the ache that consumed you. The sweater clung to your body, once a symbol of love now a painful reminder of absence. Tears slipped hot and silent down your cheeks, soaking into the frayed cuffs you chewed on desperately. The lingering scent—chocolate, old books, pine, faint smoke—now twisted the knife deeper, a ghost of happiness that haunted rather than comforted.
Sadness crashed over you in overwhelming waves, booming like thunder across the Forbidden Forest. Why did you leave me? your heart screamed internally, the breakup’s wounds reopening with vicious clarity. He’d chosen danger over you, nobility over love, leaving you adrift in this sea of longing. Every beautiful memory amplified the current pain, a cruel contrast that made your chest cave in, sobs muffled into the collar. The fabric engulfed you, too big, too empty without his arms inside it. You curled tighter, knees to chest, body trembling as quiet cries wracked you—raw, guttural sounds of a heart breaking anew.
The moonlight filtered coldly through the gap in the curtains, silver and unforgiving, highlighting the emptiness around you. Lily’s steady breathing from the next bed only deepened your isolation. I should let go, you thought, but the sweater’s warmth betrayed you, pulling you deeper into grief. The tension between past joy and present desolation tore at your soul, immense and unrelenting. You whispered his name into the wool, broken and desperate, until exhaustion finally claimed you. Sleep came not as peace but as reluctant surrender, tears drying on your lashes, the oversized sweater still wrapped around your shattered heart like the last thread connecting you to the boy you couldn’t stop loving.
The Great Hall buzzed with the chaotic energy of morning at Hogwarts, a symphony of clattering plates, animated chatter, and the occasional burst of laughter that echoed off the enchanted ceiling. Sunlight streamed through the tall windows, casting a golden haze over the long house tables laden with steaming platters of eggs, bacon, toast, porridge, and pitchers of pumpkin juice. Owls swooped overhead, delivering post with fluttering wings, while students in their black robes hurried to claim seats or waved enthusiastically at friends across the aisles. The air was thick with the savory scents of breakfast—crispy fried sausages, fresh butter melting on warm bread, and the faint sweetness of maple syrup—but none of it reached you. Not really.
You sat at the Gryffindor table, shoulders hunched slightly under your robes, the oversized maroon sweater still hidden beneath them like a secret armor against the world. Its frayed cuffs peeked just enough at your wrists for you to tug at them absently, chewing on the threads as you stared fixedly at your plate. The food before you—a modest helping of scrambled eggs and a slice of toast—might as well have been ash. Every forkful you attempted turned to lead in your mouth, the flavors muted and wrong. Your stomach twisted in protest, not from hunger but from the heavy, unrelenting ache that had settled deep in your chest overnight. Sleep had come eventually, tear-stained and restless, but it brought no relief. Only dreams laced with his voice, his touch, his absence.
You kept your gaze locked downward, tracing the grain of the wooden table with your eyes, refusing to let them drift even an inch toward the other end of the Gryffindor table where he sat. Remus. The mere thought of his name sent a fresh wave of longing crashing through you, booming like thunder in the hollow spaces of your heart. You could sense him there anyway—his quiet presence, the way he always sat a little apart from the louder chaos of the Marauders, a book or a cup of tea in hand. His amber eyes, probably shadowed with the same exhaustion you felt after the full moon's approach. But you wouldn't look. You couldn't. Not after last night, when the memories had torn you open again, leaving you raw and exposed. Deliberately avoiding him felt like both self-preservation and a cruel punishment, each second stretching into an eternity of internal conflict.
Why does it still hurt this much? The question echoed relentlessly in your mind, drowning out the surrounding noise. He made his choice. He decided I was too fragile for his world, too much at risk from the wolf, from the war brewing on the horizon. And yet here I am, wearing his sweater like a fool, carrying his scent on my skin as if it could stitch back together what he broke. Your fingers tightened around the edge of the table, knuckles whitening. The romantic tension that once crackled between you now manifested as this suffocating pull, a magnetic force you fought with every fiber of your being. Seventh year was supposed to be about N.E.W.T.s and futures, not this endless ache for a boy who pushed you away to protect you.
Across the table, Sirius Black lounged with his usual effortless grace, dark hair falling into his eyes as he piled his plate high with everything in reach. But his attention wasn't on the food. You felt his gaze on you like a physical weight—knowing, concerned, piercing through the facade you tried so desperately to maintain. Those stormy grey eyes, sharp with the insight only a fellow Marauder could possess, flicked your way repeatedly. He didn't say anything at first, just watched as you pushed your eggs around with your fork, his expression a mix of sympathy and that trademark Black mischief tempered by genuine worry. When James made some loud joke about Quidditch tryouts, Sirius laughed along, but his eyes returned to you almost immediately, brows furrowing slightly.
The subtle tension built like static in the air between you. You risked a quick glance up, meeting his stare for a fraction of a second before dropping it again. Sirius tilted his head, a silent question in the quirk of his lips: You alright, love? It was the same look he'd given you in the common room yesterday, the one that said he knew far more than he let on about the stolen moments, the secret kisses, the way Remus's sweater had become your lifeline. Your heart clenched harder, a booming surge of conflicted emotions—gratitude for his quiet solidarity warring with resentment that anyone could see through your walls so easily. Don't ask, you pleaded internally. Don't make me explain how I spent the night drowning in memories of him, how his absence feels like a Dementor's kiss.
The Hall's bustle seemed to amplify your isolation. Laughter erupted from a group of third-years further down the table, a cluster of Ravenclaws debated animatedly over textbooks, and somewhere near the staff table, Professor McGonagall's stern voice carried on the wind. But it all faded into a dull roar. Your heavy heart thudded painfully against your ribs, each beat a reminder of the void Remus had left. You remembered the warmth of his smile in Hogsmeade, the way the sweater had felt draped over your shivering shoulders, his voice murmuring tender words that now haunted you. You look beautiful in it. The memory clashed violently with the present, making your eyes sting with the threat of fresh tears. You blinked them back fiercely, swallowing hard against the lump in your throat.
Sirius cleared his throat softly, drawing your attention without words. He slid a small dish of strawberries across the table toward you, his movement casual but deliberate. "Thought you might want these," he said, voice low enough not to carry far, but laced with that knowing edge. His eyes held yours a beat longer this time, conveying a silent He's miserable too, you know or perhaps Talk to me later. The concern there was real, cutting through his playboy exterior, and it only deepened your internal storm. Part of you wanted to snap at him, to demand why he and James kept hovering like they could fix what Remus had shattered. Another part longed to confide, to let the weight spill out. But you simply nodded, murmuring a quiet thanks, and poked at one of the berries with your fork. It remained untouched.
The tension coiled tighter in your chest, a live wire of sadness, anger, and unrelenting love. I hate this, you thought, the words booming through your consciousness with ferocious intensity. I hate avoiding him, hate feeling his eyes on me even now without looking back. Hate how the sweater's fabric brushes my skin under these robes, a constant whisper of what we had. The war, the wolf, his scars—he listed every reason like they were insurmountable walls, but they were never enough to stop me from choosing him. Your breath hitched subtly, hidden behind the rim of your juice goblet as you took a sip that did nothing to quench the dryness in your mouth. The food sat cold and congealing now, a perfect metaphor for the stagnation in your heart.
Sirius gave you one last lingering look as he stood to leave with James, clapping a hand on your shoulder in passing—a brief, brotherly squeeze that said more than words could. "See you in Herbology," he added lightly, but the concern lingered in his tone. You managed a weak smile, nodding, but inside the conflict raged on. The Great Hall continued its lively dance around you, oblivious to the quiet heartbreak unfolding at the Gryffindor table. Students filed out toward classes, the ceiling shifting to mimic a bright, cloud-dotted sky, but you remained seated a moment longer, trapped in the pull of avoidance and the overwhelming pull toward the one person you couldn't face.
The heavy heart you carried felt like chains forged from every shared memory, every secret touch. As you finally rose, adjusting your robes to better conceal the sweater beneath, the ache followed you out of the Hall like a shadow—vast, unrelenting, and impossibly loud in the silence of your resolve. Remus was somewhere behind you, a ghost in the crowd, and the distance you enforced only made the longing boom louder, echoing through every step toward the day ahead.
The corridors of Hogwarts stretched long and echoing as you left the Great Hall behind, the morning light filtering through tall arched windows and painting the stone floors in shifting patterns of gold and shadow. Your steps fell in rhythm with the Marauders, a familiar cluster of black robes and easy camaraderie that wrapped around you like a well-worn cloak. James walked on your left, his messy hair even more disheveled than usual from running a hand through it one too many times, his hazel eyes bright with that determined Potter energy. Sirius flanked your other side, shooting you occasional sidelong glances that carried the weight of unspoken understanding from breakfast. Peter trailed slightly behind, chattering about some upcoming prank, while Remus... Remus kept a careful distance a few paces back, his presence a constant, aching pull at the edges of your awareness. You felt his eyes on you sometimes, or imagined you did, but you kept your gaze fixed forward, the oversized sweater hidden beneath your robes a secret weight against your skin.
The castle bustled around you—students hurrying to classes, portraits murmuring gossip on the walls, suits of armor clanking faintly in distant halls. The air carried the faint chill of approaching winter, mingling with the earthy scent of the greenhouses drawing nearer as you descended toward the grounds. Your heart remained heavy, a leaden thing thudding dully in your chest despite the lively company. Every breath reminded you of the frayed cuffs you'd chewed on last night, the lingering traces of chocolate and pine that clung to the wool like ghosts. He's right there, your mind whispered traitorously, the internal conflict booming like distant thunder. Just a few steps away, with those scarred hands and that quiet smile that used to make everything feel safe. But you couldn't look. Not yet. Not when the memories from last night still clawed at you.
James, bless him, seemed determined to shatter the gloom clinging to you like morning mist. He bounded ahead a step, turning to walk backward with that trademark grin splitting his face, Quidditch captain confidence radiating from every pore. "Alright, listen up," he announced dramatically, nearly colliding with a suit of armor that grumbled in protest. "Why did the Mandrake refuse to sing in the choir? Because it was too rooted in its ways! Get it? Rooted?" He waggled his eyebrows exaggeratedly, arms flailing for emphasis as if the joke needed physical punctuation.
A forced smile tugged at your lips, small and fleeting, the corners barely lifting. It felt thin, brittle, like parchment stretched too tight. The warmth of his effort bloomed in your chest—a genuine flicker of affection for James and his relentless loyalty—but it couldn't quite pierce the deep sadness pooling beneath. "That's terrible, James," you managed, your voice softer than you intended, carrying the weight of unspoken exhaustion. He laughed anyway, loud and bright, slinging an arm around your shoulders in a brotherly squeeze that made the sweater shift subtly under your robes.
"Terrible? That's gold, that is!" he exclaimed, undeterred. Sirius snorted beside you, his bark-like laugh echoing off the stone walls. "Prongs, mate, that was worse than the time you tried to ask Lily out with a singing telegram from the house-elves." James shot him a mock-offended glare but didn't miss a beat, launching into another as the group pushed through the heavy oak doors leading outside. The grounds unfolded before you: frost-kissed grass crunching underfoot, the Forbidden Forest looming dark and mysterious in the distance, and the greenhouses glittering like emerald jewels under the pale winter sun. The air was crisp, carrying hints of damp earth, herbs, and the faint, acrid tang of fertilizer from Professor Sprout's domain.
"Alright, new one," James continued, his breath puffing out in white clouds as he gestured wildly. "Why don't Herbology students ever get lost? Because they always follow their guts—no, wait, their roots! Damn, that one's even better. Or how about this: What do you call a group of musical plants? An orchard-stra!" He delivered the punchline with a theatrical bow, nearly tripping over a protruding root on the path. Peter chuckled politely, Sirius rolled his eyes but grinned, and even from behind you could sense Remus's soft, reluctant amusement—a low sound that twisted something painful in your gut.
Your smile came again, warmer this time but still edged with strain. The friendship here was a lifeline, these boys who had woven themselves into your life through stolen moments and shared secrets. James's over-the-top energy was like sunlight breaking through clouds, chasing away the shadows for brief, precious seconds. Yet underneath, the longing surged—Remus used to laugh at these too, pulling you close afterward—and the contrast made your chest ache fiercely. You tugged at the sleeves of your robes, feeling the familiar frayed wool hidden there, a silent anchor and torment. The walk to the greenhouses felt both too short and endless, each joke a valiant attempt to buoy you while your heart remained anchored in yesterday's memories.
By the time you reached Greenhouse Three, the air had grown warmer, humid and thick with the scent of blooming flowers, exotic vines, and loamy soil. Professor Sprout's voice carried from inside, cheerful and brisk as she directed students to their workstations. The greenhouse was a riot of life: towering shelves lined with pots of Flutterby bushes and Snargaluff pods, sunlight streaming through glass panels in hazy beams that danced with pollen and spores. Condensation beaded on the walls, and the earthy aroma wrapped around you like a living blanket. You claimed a spot at one of the long wooden benches, tools laid out neatly—dragonhide gloves, pruning shears, and vials of nutrient solution. Remus settled somewhere across the way, out of your direct line of sight if you kept your head down, but his presence hummed in the periphery like a forbidden spell.
Class began in earnest, Sprout explaining the delicate art of repotting Venomous Tentacula seedlings, emphasizing the need for steady hands and precise timing to avoid the snapping vines. You tried to focus, fingers moving mechanically through the rich soil, but James wasn't finished. Positioned nearby—whether by chance or his own meddling—he leaned over during a quiet moment of individual work, his voice a conspiratorial whisper that somehow carried just enough to draw a few curious glances.
"Psst. Hey," he stage-whispered, eyes sparkling behind his glasses. "What did the Tentacula say to the Mandrake when they broke up? 'You're too screamy for me!'" He mimed a dramatic wilting plant, complete with sound effects that earned a sharp "Mr. Potter!" from Sprout across the greenhouse. Your shoulders shook with a genuine but muted laugh, the sound escaping despite the heaviness in your heart. The warmth of it—of James's unwavering friendship, his willingness to risk detention just to see you smile—flooded through you, a golden thread in the tapestry of your grief. Sirius smirked from his bench, muttering something about "incorrigible" while Peter fumbled with a vine that nearly nipped his finger.
Yet even as laughter bubbled up, the underlying sadness roared louder in the quiet spaces between. Your hands trembled slightly as you patted soil around a seedling, the motion stirring memories of hands that had once guided yours in these very greenhouses—scarred, gentle, patient. He'd be here helping if things were different, you thought, the internal ache booming with ferocious intensity. The sweater beneath your robes felt warmer now in the humid air, its scent faintly rising with your body heat, a cruel reminder that amplified every forced smile. Friendship glowed around you like the greenhouse's enchanted lights, Sirius's knowing nudges and James's relentless cheer a balm, but it couldn't fill the Remus-shaped void. The tension pulled taut inside you: gratitude warring with isolation, affection for these boys clashing against the desperate need for the one keeping his distance.
James pressed on as the lesson continued, undaunted even when Sprout assigned pairs for a practical on cross-pollinating Bubotubers. "Oi, watch this," he said under his breath during a lull, pretending to examine a particularly wriggly pod. "Why was the Bubotuber always invited to parties? Because it knew how to puss everyone off—in a good way!" The pun landed with a groan from Sirius and a stifled chuckle from you, your forced smile cracking into something almost real for a heartbeat. The vivid colors of the plants blurred slightly as your eyes stung, emotions swirling in a storm—the deep, resonant love for these friendships that refused to let you drown, layered over the profound, echoing pain of avoidance.
The greenhouse thrummed with activity around you: the soft snip of shears, murmured incantations for growth spells, the occasional yelp as a vine lashed out. James's jokes kept coming in waves, each one more absurd than the last, painting the lesson in strokes of levity that highlighted the warmth of the Marauders' bond. You leaned into it as best you could, offering small laughs and eye rolls that earned approving grins from James, but inside, the sadness lingered, vast and immersive, a shadowed undercurrent to the bright surface of camaraderie. The class stretched on, soil under your nails and friendship in your chest, yet the path ahead with Remus still felt impossibly distant, the hoodie a hidden testament to everything unresolved.
The greenhouse hummed with focused energy, the thick humid air wrapping around you like a second skin as you bent over your workstation. Soil clung to your dragonhide gloves, dark and fertile, while the Venomous Tentacula seedlings wriggled faintly in their pots, their vines testing the air with lazy snaps. You gripped your pruning shears tighter, willing your hands to steady as you made precise cuts, repeating Professor Sprout's instructions in your head like a mantra. Focus. Just focus. The words echoed hollowly against the storm inside your chest. James's latest joke—something about Gillyweed and slippery situations—still lingered in the air a few benches away, drawing reluctant chuckles from nearby students, but even his relentless cheer was starting to fade into the background as the lesson shifted toward the practical project.
Your heart had barely settled from the walk over when Professor Sprout clapped her hands, her round face beaming with enthusiasm beneath her patched hat. "Right then, seventh years! Time to pair up for the Bubotuber cross-pollination project. This one's worth a fair few marks toward your N.E.W.T.s, so choose wisely—or rather, I'll choose for you to keep things fair." She began rattling off names from her parchment list, her voice carrying over the rustle of leaves and the occasional drip of condensation from the glass roof. Each pairing announcement felt like a small countdown, tightening the knot in your stomach.
You kept your head down, eyes fixed on the pale, pus-filled pods of your Bubotuber, their sickly-sweet scent mixing with the earthy loam. Please, not him. Anyone but him. The internal plea boomed through your mind, loud and desperate, clashing violently with the traitorous pull that had haunted you since breakfast. The oversized Gryffindor sweater hidden beneath your robes suddenly felt heavier, its frayed cuffs brushing your wrists like a guilty secret. His scent—chocolate, old books, pine, faint smoke—had warmed against your skin in the greenhouse heat, a constant, aching reminder that made concentration impossible. Every breath you took carried traces of it, pulling memories forward: secret kisses in dim library stacks, his laugh in the common room, the snow-dusted Hogsmeade night when he'd first draped it over your shoulders.
Your pulse quickened as names drew closer. Sirius with Peter. James with a Ravenclaw girl two benches over. The tension in your shoulders coiled like one of the Tentacula vines, ready to strike. Then—
"Lupin and you," Sprout announced cheerfully, gesturing between you and the tall figure across the central aisle. The words landed like a Bludger to the chest.
Time slowed. Your head lifted involuntarily, and your eyes met his across the humid expanse of the greenhouse. Amber met your gaze—those familiar, soul-searching eyes shadowed with exhaustion and something deeper, more vulnerable. Remus stood frozen for a beat, his scarred hands paused mid-motion over his own plant, golden-brown curls slightly damp from the moisture in the air. The accidental eye contact hit like lightning, a booming surge of tension that crackled through the space between you. Your heart slammed against your ribs, wild and erratic, a frantic drumbeat echoing the roaring emotions flooding your system. Panic bloomed hot and immediate, flooding your veins with adrenaline that made your fingers tremble around the shears. No. Not now. Not like this.
The awkwardness settled thick and heavy, thicker than the greenhouse fog. You could feel the eyes of the Marauders on you both—James's concerned glance, Sirius's knowing one—but nothing compared to the magnetic pull of Remus's stare. He looked wrecked in that quiet way only he could: lean frame tense under his robes, a faint flush creeping up his neck beneath the scars that mapped his history with the wolf. The chemistry that once ignited so easily between you now manifested as this unbearable, unspoken storm—longing, hurt, love, and the wall he'd built crashing against your resolve. Why does he still look at me like that? Like I'm the moon he can't reach but can't stop orbiting. Your breath came shallow, the humid air suddenly suffocating. The project loomed between you like an insurmountable barrier: weeks of forced proximity on something that required collaboration, communication, closeness.
Remus broke the gaze first, looking down at his workbench, but his jaw tightened visibly. You swallowed hard, throat dry despite the moisture-laden air, and forced your hands back to the Bubotuber. The pod squelched unpleasantly under your glove as you over-pruned a tendril, your mind spiraling. This is torture. Pure, exquisite torture. The sadness from last night surged anew, mingling with fresh panic. You'd spent months avoiding exactly this—the inevitable conversations, the accidental brushes of hands, the way his voice could unravel you with a single word. The breakup replayed in vivid flashes: his broken explanation about danger, the war, the wolf inside him that he believed would eventually harm you. I never cared about any of that, your heart screamed silently, the internal monologue thundering with raw intensity. I only cared about you. And now this sweater is all I have, and even standing ten feet away feels like drowning.
The rest of the class period dragged in agonizing slowness. Sprout circulated, offering tips on pollen collection and timing, but her words blurred. You worked mechanically, hyper-aware of Remus's every movement across the way—the quiet scrape of his tools, the way he murmured notes to himself in that low, steady voice that used to whisper secrets against your skin. Tension radiated between you like a live spell, invisible but palpable, making the air thicker, the colors of the plants sharper. Every accidental glance—yours catching the flex of his scarred forearm, his eyes flicking toward you when he thought you weren't looking—sent your heart racing anew. Panic twisted with longing into something almost painful, a booming ache that filled your chest until it felt like it might crack open.
When Sprout finally dismissed everyone to finalize pairing details, the moment came. Students began packing up, the greenhouse filling with chatter and the shuffle of feet on the wooden floor. You lingered at your bench, gloves peeled off with shaking hands, soil still under your nails. Remus approached slowly, books tucked under one arm, his expression carefully neutral but his eyes betraying the same storm you felt. Up close, the awkwardness intensified. The height difference, the familiar lean of his posture, the faint scent of chocolate and parchment that always clung to him—it all crashed over you.
"Er... the project," he started, voice rough and hesitant, rubbing the back of his neck in that habitual way. His amber eyes met yours again, holding for a painful second before dropping. "We should... probably sort out a time."
You nodded, the motion jerky, your racing heart refusing to calm. Words felt lodged in your throat, but you pushed them out. "Tonight. Gryffindor common room? After dinner. It's... quieter there." The suggestion hung between you, laced with memories of late nights by the fire, his arms around you in that same sweater. The tension boomed louder in the silence that followed—unresolved hurt, lingering love, the weight of his self-imposed distance.
Remus exhaled slowly, shoulders sagging just a fraction. "Yeah. Tonight works. I'll bring the reference texts on pollination charms." His voice softened almost imperceptibly on the last words, a ghost of the tenderness he used to offer so freely. For a heartbeat, it felt like the old pull might drag you both under—the desire to reach out, to bridge the gap with a touch or a quiet apology. But he stepped back, the wall slamming back into place.
"Alright," you murmured, voice barely above a whisper. The agreement sealed it, a reluctant truce for the sake of marks and appearances, but inside, emotions roared: panic at the impending hours alone with him, overwhelming sadness at how far you'd fallen from those heated library kisses and common room cuddles, and a desperate, booming hope that maybe, just maybe, the sweater's hidden warmth could somehow bridge what words could not.
You turned away first this time, gathering your things with trembling hands as the greenhouse emptied. James shot you a questioning thumbs-up from across the room, but you could only offer a weak nod. The walk back to the castle would be filled with this new layer of dread and anticipation, the project now an unavoidable collision course with the boy whose absence had become your constant companion. The sweater shifted against your skin with every step, a silent witness to the storm still raging within.
The Gryffindor common room was wrapped in the deep hush of late night, the kind that made the castle itself seem to breathe slower. The fire in the grand hearth had burned down to glowing embers, casting flickering ruby and gold light across the worn crimson carpets and overstuffed armchairs. Shadows danced along the stone walls, stretching long and soft over the scattered parchments and forgotten Quidditch magazines left by earlier students. The tall windows revealed only darkness outside, punctuated by the occasional twinkle of stars, while the Fat Lady’s portrait snored faintly beyond the entrance. It was well past midnight, and the room belonged entirely to you.
You sat curled in one of the deep armchairs nearest the fire, legs tucked beneath you, robes loosened and parted just enough for the oversized maroon sweater to peek through at the collar and cuffs. You had completely forgotten the Herbology project. The agreement made in the humid tension of the greenhouse earlier that day—tonight, common room, reference texts—had slipped from your mind like sand through fingers the moment classes ended. Instead, the weight of everything else had pulled you here after dinner, seeking solitude in the one place still saturated with memories of him.
The sweater’s fabric enveloped you like a forbidden embrace, soft and worn, its frayed cuffs once again between your teeth as you chewed absently. His scent had faded slightly from the day’s wear but still lingered—rich chocolate, aged parchment and ink, crisp pine, and that faint trace of hearth smoke. It grounded you and destroyed you in equal measure. Your eyes stared unseeing into the dying flames, mind drifting deep into reminiscence.
You could still feel the snow from that Hogsmeade night against your cheeks, the way Remus had draped the sweater over your shivering shoulders, his voice low and tender: “Keep it tonight. I like knowing you’re wrapped in something of mine.” The memory bloomed vivid and aching, his amber eyes warm under the lantern light, his scarred fingers brushing your neck. Then the library stacks—dim golden light, dust motes swirling, his body pressing you against the shelves with desperate softness, hands sliding beneath the very sweater you wore now, lips claiming yours with a hunger that made your knees weak even in recollection. Your racing heart. The risk. The overwhelming chemistry that had felt like magic itself.
And the common room itself—this common room—late nights when he’d caught you wearing it again, that soft, genuine laugh rumbling from his chest as he pulled you into his lap. The way his arms had circled your waist, chin resting on your shoulder, gentle kisses pressed to your jaw while the fire crackled and he whispered how much he loved seeing you in his things. How safe you had felt. How loved.
A quiet, broken sound escaped your lips, half sigh, half sob. The longing crashed over you in booming waves, immense and unrelenting, filling the vast emptiness in your chest until it felt like you might drown. Why did you push me away? The internal question thundered through your thoughts, raw and furious. I never feared the wolf. I only feared losing you. And now I have nothing but this sweater, and it still smells like you, and I hate how desperately I need it. Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes, hot and insistent. You tugged the sleeves down further, wrapping your arms around yourself, the wool a poor substitute for the boy who once filled it so perfectly. Seventh year was supposed to be different—N.E.W.T.s, futures, stolen moments—but instead it was this: isolation wrapped in his lingering warmth.
The thick silence of the room pressed in, broken only by the soft pop of an ember and the distant creak of the castle settling. You were so lost in the ache that you didn’t hear the portrait hole swing open at first.
Then footsteps—quiet, measured, achingly familiar—crossed the carpet.
You looked up sharply, heart slamming against your ribs like a caged bird. Remus stood just inside the entrance, several heavy books clutched in his scarred hands, his robes slightly rumpled from the day. His golden-brown curls were tousled, amber eyes widening in surprise as they landed on you. For a long, suspended moment, neither of you moved. The air thickened instantly, charged with a tension so powerful it felt like a physical force, booming between you like thunder rolling across the Highlands.
He hadn’t expected you to be here either. You could see it in the subtle tension of his jaw, the way his shoulders stiffened beneath his robes. The surprise mirrored your own, a lightning strike of awareness that sent heat rushing to your face and panic spiraling through your veins. The project. The realization hit you belatedly, sharp and mortifying. You had forgotten entirely, lost in memories while he had remembered. Now here he was, books in hand—probably the exact reference texts on pollination charms he’d promised—standing mere feet away in the same space where you used to curl up together.
Remus cleared his throat softly, the sound barely disturbing the heavy quiet. He hesitated, then crossed the room with deliberate slowness, as if approaching a startled creature. The firelight played across the scars on his face and hands, highlighting the quiet strength and hidden vulnerability you knew so intimately. He stopped beside the armchair opposite yours, then—after another beat of excruciating hesitation—lowered himself into the one right next to you. Close. Too close. The cushions dipped under his weight, and you caught the faint, real scent of him beneath the books: chocolate, old paper, pine. Your pulse thundered in your ears, loud and erratic, nervousness coiling tight in your stomach.
The silence stretched, thick and suffocating, filled with everything unsaid. You could hear your own breathing, shallow and quick, and wondered if he could too. Your fingers twisted in the hidden hem of the sweater beneath your robes, the frayed edges a desperate anchor. Every nerve ending felt alive, screaming with the proximity—the lean length of his body just an arm’s reach away, the way his knee nearly brushed yours, the shared history hanging in the air like smoke. The emotional tension boomed louder than any spell, a roaring storm of hurt, longing, love, and the wall he had forced between you. You wanted to scream at him. You wanted to crawl into his lap like you once had. You wanted to vanish.
Remus shifted slightly, setting the stack of books on the low table between you with a soft thud. His eyes flicked to your face, then away, then back again, amber depths swirling with a thousand restrained emotions. “I… brought the texts,” he said finally, voice low and rough, barely above a whisper. It still sent shivers down your spine, that familiar timbre that used to murmur endearments against your skin.
You nodded jerkily, unable to find words at first. Your cheeks burned. The sweater felt suddenly conspicuous, its collar brushing your neck like a brand. Did he notice? Could he smell it on you? The thought made fresh panic flare, mingling with the deep, aching sadness that never left. Say something. Anything. But the silence returned, heavier now, pregnant with memories and what-ifs. Your heart raced so violently you wondered if he could see the pulse jumping at your throat. The common room, once a sanctuary of warmth and laughter, now felt like a pressure chamber, every shadow and flicker of firelight amplifying the unbearable nearness of him.
Remus’s hands flexed on his knees, scarred knuckles whitening for a moment before he forced them still. He stared into the fire, profile etched in gold and shadow, the same profile you had traced with gentle fingers in secret moments. The tension crackled—romantic, painful, unresolved—like a live wire stretched taut between your bodies. You were both 7th years, on the cusp of war and adulthood, yet reduced to this: two people who had once shared everything now drowning in awkward proximity and the ghost of what was lost.
The fire popped again, sending a spark upward. You swallowed hard, nerves singing, and finally managed a quiet, strained, “I… lost track of time.” The words felt inadequate, paper-thin against the booming emotions surging inside you. Longing to reach out. Fear of what would happen if you did. The overwhelming love that refusing to die despite everything. Remus turned his head slightly toward you, eyes meeting yours once more, and in that shared gaze the silence spoke volumes—raw, vulnerable, and heavier than the weight of the moon he carried.
The night stretched on around you both, the common room holding its breath.
The dying fire in the hearth cast long, wavering shadows that flickered across the crimson rugs and polished wood, turning the space into a cocoon of amber light and deep gloom. Embers glowed like dying stars, occasionally popping softly and sending tiny sparks drifting upward before vanishing into the chimney. Outside the tall windows, the Scottish night lay thick and black, the wind whispering against the glass like a distant lament. It was just the two of you now, the rest of the castle lost to sleep, and the silence between you was heavier than any curse.
Remus sat beside you, close enough that the heat from his body mingled with the fire's fading warmth and the wool of the sweater hidden beneath your loosened robes. He opened one of the heavy reference texts with careful, scarred hands, the pages rustling like dry leaves. The title on pollination charms and Bubotuber cultivation swam before your eyes as you leaned forward, trying desperately to focus. Your own notebook lay open on the low table, quill poised but unmoving in your trembling fingers. The project demanded concentration—notes on cross-pollination timing, sketches of pod structures, calculations for nutrient balances—but every word on the page blurred into meaningless ink.
You could smell him. That familiar, devastating combination of rich dark chocolate, old books, crisp pine, and faint smoke filled the small space between your bodies, amplified by the intimacy of the late hour. It rose from his robes, from the books he'd carried, and worst of all, it echoed from the oversized maroon sweater you wore underneath your own, its frayed cuffs hidden but constantly brushing your wrists like a guilty secret. The fabric clung to your skin, warm and enveloping, too big and yet not enough. Focus, you commanded yourself, the internal voice booming like thunder across an empty moor. It's just a project. Just words and diagrams. You can do this.
But you couldn't.
Every shift of Remus's body sent your heart stuttering. His knee nearly brushed yours as he turned a page, and the accidental proximity ignited a storm of memories that drowned out the present. You remembered those same hands tracing patterns on your back in the library stacks, pulling you closer behind the shelves where dust motes danced in golden light. The way his breath had hitched against your neck, voice husky with restrained want. Now those hands rested innocently on the book, scarred and steady, and the contrast tore at you. Your throat tightened, a painful lump forming that made swallowing difficult. The quill slipped slightly in your grip, leaving a small ink blot on the parchment.
Remus cleared his throat, voice low and rough in the heavy quiet. "The text suggests lunar timing for the pollen application—ironic, isn't it?" He attempted a faint, wry smile, but it didn't reach his amber eyes. Those eyes flicked toward you, searching, guarded, filled with the same roaring tension that filled your chest. The emotional undercurrent boomed between you: hurt, longing, the ghost of love that refused to fade. You nodded mutely, forcing your gaze back to the page, but the letters danced and blurred as tears pricked hot at the corners of your eyes.
Why is this so unbearable? The question echoed loudly in your mind, overwhelming and relentless. Months of avoidance, of wrapping myself in this sweater every night just to feel close to you, and now here you are—real, solid, breathing the same air—and I can't even pretend to care about Bubotubers. The sadness surged like a tidal wave, crashing against the fragile walls you'd built. Images flooded you unbidden: his laugh in this very common room as he pulled you into his lap, the sweater pooling around your thighs while his arms held you like you were the only steady thing in his chaotic world. The snow-dusted Hogsmeade night when he'd given it to you, draping it over your shoulders with tender words that still echoed: "I like knowing you're wrapped in something of mine."
A single tear escaped, tracing a warm path down your cheek before you could swipe it away. You blinked rapidly, pretending to study a diagram of pod cross-sections, but your vision swam. The atmosphere thickened further, the air charged with everything unsaid—the breakup, his noble self-sacrifice about the wolf and the war, your refusal to fear any part of him. The fire's glow highlighted the sharp line of his jaw, the silver scars cutting across his skin, and your heart ached with ferocious intensity. I would have faced the moon with you. I would have faced everything. The internal pain boomed, vast and echoing, filling every corner of your being until breathing felt like a struggle.
Your hands shook as you turned a page, the rustle too loud in the intimate silence. Remus noticed—you felt his gaze linger on your trembling fingers, then on the way you hunched slightly forward, as if curling in on yourself could shield you from the storm. The proximity was torture. His scent mixed with the smoky hearth, wrapping around you like the sweater itself, a cruel comfort that only deepened the wound. You chewed on the inside of your lip, fighting the prickling heat behind your eyes that threatened to spill over. The project notes remained almost blank on your parchment, a glaring testament to your failure to focus. Every attempt at a coherent sentence dissolved into memories: heated kisses in dim library light, his body pressing yours against shelves, hands sliding beneath this very sweater to caress bare skin.
"I... think the optimal window is during the waxing phase," you managed, voice barely steady, strained and quiet. The words felt hollow, forced through the roaring emotions. Remus murmured agreement, leaning slightly closer to point at a passage in the book, his shoulder brushing yours for the briefest second. The contact sent electricity racing across your skin, and more tears welled up, unbidden and unstoppable. You turned your head away toward the fire, pretending to warm your hands, but really hiding the way your face crumpled.
The heavy atmosphere pressed down, suffocating in its tenderness and pain. The common room, once a haven of shared laughter and stolen cuddles, now felt like a battlefield of restraint. Every flicker of the embers mirrored the flickering resolve inside you—the desperate need to reach out, to bridge the chasm he'd created, warring with the knowledge that he would only push you away again. This sweater is all I have left, the thought thundered through you, raw and aching. Its threads are fraying just like us, and still I wear it every night because without it, the emptiness is worse.
Another tear slipped free, then another. Your chest heaved with a suppressed sob, the sound catching in your throat. You couldn't do this. Not tonight. Not when every glance, every shared breath, every accidental brush reopened wounds that had barely begun to scar.
"Remus," you whispered, voice breaking on his name like fragile glass. He looked up immediately, amber eyes wide with concern and something deeper, more vulnerable. The tension between you crackled, alive and painful. "I... I'm sorry. I can't focus right now. This is... it's too much." Your words tumbled out, thick with emotion. You closed the book in front of you with shaking hands, the thud echoing softly. "Can we finish this another night? Please?"
The plea hung in the air, heavy with all the longing and hurt you couldn't voice. Tears glistened on your lashes as you met his gaze one last time, the firelight painting both your faces in warm, tragic hues. The common room held its breath around you, the silence now even more profound, filled with the booming weight of everything left unresolved. Remus's expression shifted—wrecked, conflicted, his jaw tightening as if he wanted to say a thousand things but held them back. The moment stretched, immersive and devastating, before you stood on unsteady legs, clutching your robes closed over the hidden sweater, and turned toward the stairs to the girls' dormitory.
The ache followed you with every step, vast and unrelenting, the project abandoned on the table like another piece of your heart left behind.
The girls’ dormitory was steeped in profound stillness when you slipped through the heavy oak door, the latch clicking shut behind you with a finality that echoed in your chest. The room was dark save for the sliver of moonlight slicing through a gap in the heavy crimson curtains of your four-poster bed and the faint, silvery glow from the enchanted ceiling charms that mimicked a starry sky. Your roommates slept soundly—Lily’s even breathing from the next bed, Marlene’s occasional soft murmur—oblivious to the storm raging inside you. The air felt cooler up here, carrying the faint scent of lavender from someone’s soap and the ever-present stone-and-wood aroma of the ancient castle, but it did nothing to soothe the raw ache that had driven you from the common room.
You shed your outer robes with trembling hands, letting them pool at your feet before climbing onto the bed and drawing the velvet curtains closed around you. The world narrowed to this small, enclosed space: the plush mattress, the slightly rumpled sheets, and the oversized maroon Gryffindor sweater that now fully enveloped your body once more. You pulled it over your head properly, the fabric whispering against your skin as it settled. It was too big, as always—the shoulders sloping wide, the hem brushing mid-thigh, sleeves swallowing your hands. You tugged the frayed cuffs over your fists and brought one to your lips, chewing gently on the unraveling threads, a habit that had become both comfort and torment.
The scent hit you immediately, wrapping around your senses like a ghost refusing to leave. Chocolate—dark, rich, the kind he always carried in his pockets. Old books, parchment and ink from endless library hours. Crisp pine from solitary walks near the forest edge. Faint smoke from hearth fires and late-night common room gatherings. It engulfed you completely, sinking into your lungs with every shaky inhale, and the ache in your chest bloomed into something ferocious, booming like thunder rolling across the Black Lake on a stormy night.
You curled into a tight ball on your side, knees drawn to your chest, arms wrapped around yourself as if you could hold the pieces of your heart together. Tears came freely now, hot and silent at first, then with quiet, shuddering sobs that you muffled into the collar of the sweater. Why did I think I could sit there with him? The thought crashed through your mind with overwhelming force, echoing in the cavernous emptiness inside you. The common room had been unbearable—the nearness of his body, the low timbre of his voice discussing lunar timing for pollen as if it were just another Herbology fact, the accidental brush of his shoulder that had sent lightning through your veins. Now, alone, the memories refused to stay buried. They surged forward like a tidal wave, vivid and merciless, drowning you in the contrast between what once was and the hollow present.
You remembered that Hogsmeade night with painful clarity. Snow falling in thick, lazy flakes, blanketing the cobblestones in pristine white. The cold biting at your cheeks as you walked beside him after your secret date, breath mingling in visible clouds. The way he had stopped under the awning of Honeydukes, amber eyes soft in the lantern light, and shrugged off his sweater without hesitation. “You’re freezing,” he’d murmured, voice rough with care. Draping it over your shoulders, adjusting the collar with scarred fingers that lingered against your neck, sending sparks dancing across your skin. “Keep it tonight. I like knowing you’re wrapped in something of mine… that a part of me is keeping you warm when I can’t.” His smile—gentle, boyish, making the scars on his face look like beautiful constellations. The kiss that followed, slow and sweet, tasting of butterbeer and promises. The sweater had been warm from his body then, carrying his scent so strongly it had made your heart flutter wildly, filled with blooming hope and love so vast it felt like the Scottish moors stretching endlessly under starlight.
A broken sob tore from your throat. You pressed your face deeper into the wool, inhaling until your lungs burned. That same sweater now felt like chains, beautiful and cruel, binding you to a love he had chosen to end.
The library memories came next, crashing over you with even greater intensity. Dim golden lamplight filtering between towering shelves, dust motes swirling like tiny galaxies in the slanted beams. The risk of discovery thrumming in your blood as he pulled you behind the stacks, his tall, lean frame backing you against the wood with desperate tenderness. His hands—those scarred, gentle hands—framing your face, then sliding down to your waist, pulling you flush against him. Kisses that started soft but ignited into something heated and breathless, his tongue tracing yours, a low groan vibrating in his chest. Fingers slipping beneath the hem of this sweater, grazing bare skin and sending shivers of pleasure racing through you. “I can’t get enough of you,” he had whispered against your neck, voice wrecked with want. The chemistry had been explosive, romantic and sexual tension booming like fireworks in the quiet library, your racing heart drowning out everything but him. In those stolen moments, the wolf, the war, the scars—none of it mattered. You had chosen him entirely.
Tears soaked the fabric now, hot and unrelenting. Your body trembled as the longing clawed deeper, a living beast inside your chest. I still choose you, your heart screamed silently into the darkness, the internal pain booming with ferocious, overwhelming power. Even after you decided for both of us that you were too dangerous. Too much of a risk. The wolf, the full moon, the coming war—you listed every reason like they were unbreakable wards, pushing me away to “protect” me. But who protects me from this? From missing you every single night?
The common room memory surfaced last, the most intimate and devastating. Late nights by the crackling fire, golden light painting the room in ruby and amber hues. You curled in an armchair wearing his sweater, sleeves chewed absently, looking small and utterly his. His soft, genuine laugh when he saw you—head tilted back, eyes crinkling at the corners with rare, unguarded joy. “Merlin, love, you’re going to wear that thing out.” Then pulling you into his lap effortlessly, arms encircling your waist like you belonged there forever. Chin on your shoulder, warm breath against your ear, gentle kisses pressed along your jaw before claiming your lips in slow, lingering ones that tasted of home and forever. Whispers of “I love you” and “You make the moon feel less heavy.” The way he held you, reverent and strong, as if you were the anchor keeping the wolf at bay. Affection so pure and booming it had felt like the stars aligning just for the two of you.
Now that same common room had become a battlefield of awkward silence and unbearable proximity. The project abandoned on the table, your excuse hanging in the air like smoke. His concerned amber eyes following you as you fled up the stairs. The distance you had enforced all day—avoiding him in the Great Hall, forcing smiles at James’s jokes—now felt meaningless against the raw wound reopened tonight.
You curled tighter into the sweater, the fabric pooling around you like a shroud. The melancholic atmosphere of the dormitory pressed in: the faint creak of the four-poster frame, the soft breathing of your sleeping friends, the cold moonlight painting silver patterns on the curtains. Everything felt heavy, vast, and empty without him. The heartbreak was a roaring ocean inside you, waves of sadness crashing against memories of joy, eroding what little peace you had left. This is all I have now, you thought, the words thundering through your consciousness with devastating clarity. This sweater. Its frayed threads, its fading scent. Soon even that will be gone, and what then? How do I exist in a world where the boy I love decided I was better off without him?
Sobs wracked your body quietly, muffled by the wool. The longing was immense, a black hole in your soul that swallowed light and hope. You whispered his name into the collar, broken and desperate, over and over like a prayer to a god who had abandoned you. The pain peaked in booming waves—chest tight, throat raw, eyes burning—until exhaustion finally began to pull at the edges of your mind.
Sleep came not as gentle rest but as reluctant surrender, your body drained, still wrapped in the oversized sweater that carried the ghost of his warmth. The memories lingered even as unconsciousness claimed you, haunting your dreams with flashes of snow, library shadows, firelight cuddles, and amber eyes that once looked at you like you were the only thing worth fighting the moon for. In the quiet darkness of the dormitory, your heart remained wide open and bleeding, the ache as endless as the Scottish night surrounding Hogwarts.
The corridors of Hogwarts were quieter than usual on this particular evening, a few nights before the full moon hung heavy and silver in the sky. The air carried a sharper chill, seeping through the ancient stone walls and making the torches flicker uneasily in their brackets. Most students had already retreated to their common rooms or the library, the weight of approaching N.E.W.T.s and the subtle tension of the lunar cycle pressing on everyone—especially those who knew what the moon did to certain students. You moved through the halls with purpose, shoulders hunched beneath your robes, the oversized maroon Gryffindor sweater hidden safely underneath like a second skin. Its frayed cuffs brushed your wrists with every step, a constant, aching reminder you couldn’t seem to abandon.
Your mind was a whirlwind of exhaustion and unresolved pain. The Herbology project still loomed unfinished, the awkward common room session from nights ago replaying endlessly—the way Remus’s voice had wrapped around you, the unbearable nearness, your tearful escape. You’d avoided him even more diligently since then, slipping out of the Great Hall early, dodging eye contact in shared classes, and burying yourself in memories that only made the hole in your chest wider. Tonight, you needed solitude. A place to breathe without the castle’s constant eyes, without the risk of James’s well-meaning jokes or Sirius’s knowing stares. A place to finally let the tears fall without interruption.
You stopped before a blank stretch of wall on the seventh floor, the familiar tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy opposite it. Heart pounding with a mix of desperation and fatigue, you paced back and forth three times, focusing your thoughts with raw intensity.
I need a room. The room that I need. Somewhere private. Safe. Where I can be alone with this mess inside me.
The wall shimmered, then a polished wooden door materialized, ornate and unassuming. You pushed it open without hesitation and stepped inside, the door clicking shut softly behind you.
The Room of Requirement unfolded around you in gentle waves, responding to the tangled needs of your heart. It began as a small, cozy sanctuary: a crackling fireplace appeared against one wall, casting warm golden light over deep armchairs and a thick rug patterned in Gryffindor reds and golds. Bookshelves lined one side, filled with familiar titles—some from the library stacks where you once stole heated kisses. A large window overlooked a misty Highland landscape under a near-full moon, its silver glow filtering in like a melancholic spotlight. Soft blankets draped over the furniture, and on a low table sat a steaming mug of hot chocolate that smelled exactly like the bars Remus always carried. The air held a faint trace of pine and old parchment, as if the room itself was pulling from your deepest longings.
You sank into one of the armchairs, pulling your knees up and burying your face in the collar of the sweater beneath your robes. The fabric still carried his scent, faint but persistent, wrapping around you like a painful embrace. Tears pricked immediately, the release you’d craved finally within reach. “Just let me breathe,” you whispered to the empty room, voice cracking. The ache from the past weeks—his breakup words, the secret moments, the common room failure—crashed over you in booming waves.
Then the door opened again.
Your head snapped up, heart slamming violently against your ribs. Remus stepped inside, looking as startled as you felt. His golden-brown curls were tousled, amber eyes wide with surprise, a few books clutched under one scarred arm. He must have been pacing the corridor too, seeking his own refuge from the moon’s pull and whatever demons haunted him. The door closed smoothly behind him.
For a heartbeat, neither of you moved. The room, sensing the new presence and the complicated tangle of your combined needs, began to shift subtly. The armchairs rearranged themselves closer together. A second mug of chocolate appeared. The window’s view intensified, showing the Forbidden Forest under moonlight, shadows lengthening as if mirroring the tension now thickening the air. A large, comfortable couch materialized near the fire, piled with cushions that looked suspiciously like the ones from the Gryffindor common room where he once pulled you into his lap.
Remus’s eyes locked onto yours across the suddenly too-small space. Realization dawned on both of you at the same time.
You stood abruptly, panic exploding in your chest like a Bludger to the sternum. “No—” You rushed to the door and yanked the handle. It didn’t budge. The wood was solid, unyielding, as if it had never been a door at all. You tried again, harder, your breath coming in short, sharp bursts. “It won’t open.”
Remus set his books down slowly on a newly appeared table, his movements careful, almost wary. His jaw tightened, the scars across his face stark in the firelight. “The Room… it locks when it decides what you truly need,” he said quietly, voice rough with the strain of the approaching full moon. His amber gaze flicked over you—taking in your rumpled robes, the way your hands trembled on the doorframe—and understanding settled heavily between you. “We’re trapped. Together.”
The words hung in the air, heavy and final. The panic surged hotter, flooding your veins with adrenaline. Your heart raced wildly, a frantic drumbeat echoing in your ears. This can’t be happening. Not now. Not when the moon is so close, when everything is still so raw. You pressed your back against the door, the cool wood grounding you for a moment as the room continued its gentle transformations. More candles flickered to life along the walls, bathing everything in soft, intimate light. A faint scent of chocolate and pine strengthened, the air growing warmer, almost cozy—exactly what your fractured heart had asked for, now twisted into exquisite torture by his presence.
The awkward tension boomed between you like thunder trapped in a bottle. It was immediate, overwhelming, crackling in the scant feet of space separating your bodies. Remus stood tall and lean, shoulders tense under his robes, his hands flexing at his sides as if fighting the urge to reach out or retreat. His breathing was slightly uneven, the full moon’s approach already sharpening his senses, making every shift of fabric, every quickened heartbeat audible. You could feel his gaze on you—searching, conflicted, filled with the same storm you carried: guilt, longing, the walls he’d built crumbling under the weight of forced proximity.
You wrapped your arms around yourself, the sweater’s sleeves bunching under your robes, its hidden warmth now burning against your skin. “I didn’t… I just needed to be alone,” you whispered, voice barely steady. The room responded by dimming the lights slightly, as if offering privacy that was now impossible. A soft blanket draped itself over the back of the couch, inviting and damning.
Remus exhaled shakily, running a scarred hand through his curls. “I was looking for somewhere quiet. The moon…” He trailed off, amber eyes meeting yours with raw vulnerability. The tension thickened further, electric and painful. Every memory pressed in: the Hogsmeade snow, library shadows where his hands had roamed beneath this very sweater, late-night cuddles by the common room fire. Now those memories collided with the present—the way he stood just out of reach, the way your body still yearned toward him despite everything, the way the room seemed determined to force closeness with its cozy, intimate setup.
Panic clawed at your throat. You paced a few steps, the thick rug muffling your footsteps, but there was nowhere to go. The walls felt closer, the fire warmer, the air charged with everything unsaid. Your chest heaved with the effort of containing the emotions roaring inside you—the heartbreak that had never dulled, the love that refused to die, the fear of what this confinement might unearth. Remus watched you, his expression wrecked, the quiet strength he usually carried fraying at the edges as the wolf stirred beneath his skin.
The Room of Requirement had given you exactly what you asked for: the room you needed. But it had delivered it with cruel precision, locking you in with the one person who could both heal and destroy you. The silence stretched, heavy and immersive, broken only by the crackle of the fire and the thunderous beating of your heart. Outside, the near-full moon rose higher over the Highlands, indifferent to the storm it had helped create within these four walls.
The room held you both in its unyielding embrace, the polished wooden door now seamless against the wall as if it had never existed. The fire crackled steadily in the hearth, casting dancing golden light and deep shadows across the transformed space. The air grew warmer, heavier, thick with the mingled scents of woodsmoke, melting chocolate from the two steaming mugs on the low table, and the undeniable trace of Remus that always seemed to cling to everything—old books, pine, and that faint, comforting smoke. The furniture had settled into an intimate arrangement: the large couch piled with soft cushions positioned near the fire, two armchairs angled toward each other, bookshelves stocked with texts that looked suspiciously relevant to both Herbology and lunar cycles. The room had decided what you both needed, and it was merciless in its generosity.
You remained pressed against the spot where the door had been, heart hammering so violently it felt like it might bruise your ribs. The panic was immediate and roaring, a booming storm inside your chest that drowned out rational thought. Trapped. With him. Days before the full moon. Your breath came shallow and quick, fingers digging into the fabric of your robes where the oversized maroon sweater lay hidden beneath, its frayed cuffs a desperate secret pressed against your skin.
Remus stood a few feet away, tall and lean, his scarred hands clenched at his sides. The silence stretched between you like a taut wire, thick and suffocating. Neither of you spoke for what felt like an eternity. He shifted his weight, amber eyes flicking from the fire to you and back again, the muscle in his jaw working visibly. The awkwardness was palpable, a living thing that filled every corner of the room, pressing down on your shoulders and making the cozy space feel claustrophobic. You could hear the faint pop of the logs, the soft rustle of his robes as he moved, and the thunder of your own pulse in your ears.
The unresolved longing surged beneath the panic, raw and overwhelming. This was the closest you’d been to him in weeks without the buffer of a crowded greenhouse or a busy common room. Every detail of him stood out in sharp relief: the way the firelight caught the silver scars across his face and neck, the slight tremble in his hands from the moon’s approach, the way his golden-brown curls fell messily over his forehead. You wanted to scream. You wanted to cross the distance and bury yourself in him. Instead, you stayed rooted, the tension booming like distant thunder trapped indoors.
Finally, Remus cleared his throat, the sound rough and hesitant. “We should… try to make the best of this.” His voice was low, that familiar timbre sending an unwelcome shiver down your spine. He gestured vaguely toward the couch and table. “The room won’t let us out until it thinks we’ve… resolved whatever it thinks we need.”
You managed a jerky nod, forcing your legs to carry you a few steps toward the armchair. Small talk. You could do small talk. “The project,” you said, voice strained and too quiet. “We never finished the notes on the Bubotuber pollen timing.”
Remus nodded, sinking onto the opposite end of the couch, leaving deliberate space between you. “Right. Lunar phases. I brought some references.” He reached for one of the books, flipping it open with scarred fingers that you remembered tracing your skin so gently. The attempt at conversation faltered almost immediately. You both stared at the pages without seeing them, the words blurring. Silence rushed back in, heavier than before. He tried again after a minute. “Sprout will dock marks if we don’t…” But the sentence died unfinished. You offered a weak “Yeah,” and that was it. The small talk collapsed under the weight of everything unsaid, leaving only the crackling fire and the pounding of your heart.
Restlessness took over. You stood abruptly and began to pace the length of the room, the thick rug muffling your footsteps but doing nothing to calm the storm inside. Back and forth, from the bookshelves to the window that now showed nothing but soft, swirling mist. Your hands twisted in your robes, the hidden sweater’s fabric brushing your thighs with every step, its familiar warmth a cruel anchor. Panic built in layers—fear of the confinement, fear of the full moon’s effect on him, fear of what might spill out if the tension broke. How long will this last? Hours? All night? The internal question boomed, echoing through your mind with ferocious intensity.
Remus watched you for a while, then rose too, unable to stay still. He paced the opposite side of the room, movements tense and contained, like the wolf beneath his skin was already stirring. The space between your paths narrowed inevitably. As you turned near the couch, your arm brushed his—barely a graze of fabric, but it sent a jolt through you like a live spell. You both froze. The accidental contact lingered in the air, electric and heated. His scent enveloped you up close, stronger now, making your knees weak with longing. You pulled back quickly, muttering a soft “Sorry,” but the tension only skyrocketed. Your skin burned where you’d touched, the memory of better days crashing over you: his hands on your waist in the library, pulling you close, desperate kisses that tasted of need and chocolate.
The room seemed to respond, dimming the lights further and adding another blanket to the couch, as if encouraging closeness. Panic flared hotter. You paced faster, breath coming quicker, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. Remus stopped near the fireplace, running a hand through his curls, his breathing uneven. “This is…” He trailed off, voice rough. Another failed attempt at words. The silence returned, but now it hummed with something deeper—heated, unresolved longing that crackled like the fire itself.
You turned too sharply near the table and nearly collided with him again. This time, your shoulder pressed against his chest for a heartbeat longer. The solid warmth of him, the faint tremor in his frame from the approaching moon, the way his hand instinctively came up to steady you before dropping away—it was too much. Heat flooded your face, a mix of panic and something far more dangerous. Your heart raced wildly, the emotional tension booming so loudly it drowned out everything else. Longing roared through you: the ache of missing his laugh, his touch, the safety of his arms. The hurt of his decision to push you away. The desperate need that the sweater could never fully satisfy.
“Sorry,” he murmured, voice husky, stepping back but not far enough. His amber eyes met yours, dark with conflict and the same storm you felt. The air between you thickened, charged with months of separation, secret kisses, and the walls he’d tried to build. You could see the strain in him—the way his gaze dropped to your lips for a fraction of a second before flicking away, the subtle clench of his scarred hands.
Pacing resumed, but the room felt smaller with every pass. Accidental brushes multiplied: your fingers grazing his when reaching for a mug of chocolate neither of you drank, his arm against your back as you both moved toward the bookshelves at the same time. Each touch built the fire higher, panic twisting with heated tension until your skin felt too tight, your breath too short. The sweater beneath your robes clung to you, its scent now mixing with the room’s magic and his proximity, amplifying everything.
You stopped near the window, pressing your forehead against the cool glass, trying to steady yourself. “I can’t do this,” you whispered, more to yourself than him, but the words carried in the heavy quiet. Remus halted a short distance away, the space between you vibrating with everything unsaid. The panic peaked in waves, crashing against the overwhelming pull toward him. The trapped atmosphere wrapped around you both like chains made of memory and want, the fire burning brighter as the Room of Requirement refused to relent.
The night stretched on, minutes bleeding into what felt like hours, every second intensifying the roaring emotions and the unbearable, heated tension that threatened to snap at any moment.
Silence had swallowed the room whole. The fire crackled on, but even that sound felt distant, muffled under the crushing weight of everything neither of you would say. You stood frozen near the couch, arms wrapped tightly around yourself, the hidden sweater burning against your skin like a brand. Remus remained a few feet away, his breathing uneven, amber eyes locked somewhere near your shoulder as if looking directly at you might break him too. The accidental brushes from earlier still lingered on your skin like ghosts. The air was too thick. Too warm. Too full of him.
You couldn’t take it anymore.
Something inside you broke.
A quiet, fractured sound escaped your throat first—not a word, just a shattered breath. Your shoulders curled inward as the pressure that had been building for months finally fractured under the weight of this room, this night, this unbearable nearness.
“.....why?”
The single word came out small and cracked, barely audible, but it split the silence like glass shattering on stone. Tears prickled hot and immediate at the corners of your eyes, blurring the firelight into hazy streaks. You blinked hard, but they only welled faster, clinging to your lashes without falling yet. Your chest heaved once, sharply, like the air had been punched out of you.
You looked at him then—really looked—and your voice fractured further.
“You just… decided.” The words tumbled out broken, uneven, each one laced with raw, trembling pain. “For both of us. You stood there and you said it like it was fact. Too dangerous. The wolf. The scars. The war.” A shaky inhale. Your fingers twisted into the front of your robes, gripping so tightly the fabric bunched. “You didn’t even… you didn’t ask me. You just… left.”
Tears slipped free now, silent and slow, carving warm paths down your cheeks. You weren’t sobbing—not yet—but the breaking was deeper, internal, like something vital inside your chest had finally splintered into too many pieces to hold together. Your hands moved on their own, yanking your outer robes open with jerky, desperate motions. The oversized maroon sweater spilled into view, loose and worn and far too big on your frame, sleeves hanging past your wrists, hem brushing your thighs.
“I wear this every night,” you whispered, voice raw and trembling. “Every single night. I can’t sleep without it anymore. I pull it on in the dark and I just… lie there. Breathing you in like it’ll bring you back.”
Your breath hitched. Another tear fell. You clutched at the hem of the sweater, pulling it away from your body for a second before letting it fall back, the fabric soft and familiar and devastating against your skin.
“This is all I have now, and it still smells like you, and I hate how much I need that.”
The confession hung between you, fractured and exposed. Your voice cracked on the last word, barely holding together. You took a small, unsteady step closer, then stopped, as if the movement itself hurt.
“Nothing feels right,” you continued, words spilling in broken fragments. “Not the Great Hall. Not the library. Not the common room. I sit there and everything is… wrong. Empty. I keep waiting for you to laugh at James’s stupid jokes or pull me close by the fire but you’re not there. You’re never there anymore. Because you decided. You decided I couldn’t handle it. That I was better off like this.”
Your hands trembled as you gestured vaguely at yourself, at the sweater, at the space between you. Tears kept falling, quiet and relentless, your lashes wet and clumped together. Inside, the break widened—a deep, booming ache that echoed through every memory, every secret kiss, every night you’d spent curled around this piece of him like it was the only thing keeping you alive.
“I loved you through all of it,” you whispered, barely able to get the words out now. Your throat felt tight, raw. “The moon. The scars. Everything you hate about yourself. I was never scared of you, Remus. I was only scared of this. Of waking up every day feeling like half of me is gone because you took yourself away.”
You looked at him again, eyes glassy and wide with all the vulnerability you could no longer hide. Your lower lip trembled. The room felt smaller, the fire hotter, the tension between you so thick it was almost suffocating. You hugged your arms around your middle again, the sweater’s sleeves bunching under your grip, its familiar scent rising stronger with the movement and twisting the knife deeper.
“I don’t know how to do this without you,” you admitted, voice so small and broken it barely sounded like yours. “I don’t know how to be okay when everything reminds me of what we had. And you’re right here. Trapped with me. And I still… I still need you so much it hurts to breathe.”
The words trailed off into heavy, fractured silence. You stood there, trembling, tears sliding down your cheeks, the oversized sweater hanging off your frame like the last thread connecting you to the boy who had once made you feel whole. The emotional break was complete—raw, exposed, every piece of your heart laid bare in the firelight. No grand speeches. Just the truth, shattered and bleeding, hanging in the charged air between you.
Your eyes stayed on his, wide and aching, waiting in the deafening quiet that followed. The Room of Requirement held its breath with you, the fire popping softly as the full weight of your broken confession settled over everything.
Remus looked completely wrecked.
His amber eyes widened, raw pain flashing across his face like a wound torn open. The scars stood out starkly in the firelight, his golden-brown curls disheveled from the way his scarred hand had raked through them. His shoulders slumped, the lean frame that usually carried quiet strength now trembling faintly under the strain of the nearing full moon and your words. His mouth opened and closed, no sound emerging at first, as if your fractured confession had stolen the air from his lungs. He took half a step back, then forward, torn between fleeing and closing the distance. The vulnerability in his expression mirrored your own—shattered, exposed, and unbearably human.
“I… I can’t,” he finally rasped, voice hoarse and breaking. He shook his head, eyes squeezing shut for a moment before forcing them open again. “You know why. The scars, the wolf—it’s not just some story. It’s real. I could hurt you. One bad moon, one slip, and I…” His words faltered, but he pushed on, the familiar arguments spilling out like a shield he was desperately trying to rebuild. “The war is coming. You’ve seen what’s happening out there. I won’t drag you into that. I won’t let you become another thing the monster inside me destroys. You deserve someone whole. Someone safe.”
His voice cracked on the last word. You saw through every syllable. The way his hands clenched at his sides, the way his gaze kept dropping to the oversized maroon sweater still visible beneath your open robes, the way his breath hitched—it wasn’t conviction. It was fear. Raw, devastating fear wrapped in self-loathing. You had heard these words before, but now, in this trapped intimacy, they rang hollow against the truth you had just laid bare.
“No,” you whispered, stepping closer despite the tears still sliding down your cheeks. Your voice was quiet but fierce, trembling with the depth of your fracture. “You don’t get to do that again. You don’t get to hide behind the wolf like it’s the only truth. I see you, Remus. I’ve always seen you.”
He flinched as if you’d struck him, but the wall cracked further. The argument shifted, turning raw and vulnerable in the firelit space between you. “You think I don’t know that?” His words came out jagged, broken sentences tumbling like pieces of himself he could no longer hold back. “Every day… every damn day since I ended it, I’ve been miserable. I replay everything. The Hogsmeade snow… how you looked in this sweater that first night. The way you laughed when I gave it to you. The library, your hands in my hair, the way you tasted, the way you trusted me when no one else should.”
His voice fractured further, barely above a whisper now, eyes glassy with unshed tears. “I sit in the common room and remember pulling you into my lap by the fire. I feel your absence like a missing limb. The moon comes and I fight it alone, but all I can think about is how you made it feel less heavy. How you looked at me like I wasn’t a curse.” He swallowed hard, a broken sound escaping him. “I’m so tired. I’m so fucking tired of pretending I’m okay without you. But I can’t—I can’t risk breaking you. I’d rather lose you cleanly than watch the wolf take you from me.”
The tension that had been building for hours—for months—snapped with violent force.
You moved first—or maybe he did. The distance vanished in a heartbeat. Your hand shot out, fingers grabbing the front of his collar in a desperate fist, pulling him down to you with all the longing you could no longer contain. Or perhaps his arms reached for you at the same moment, scarred hands cupping your face with trembling reverence before sliding to your waist. It didn’t matter who started it. The collision was inevitable.
The first kiss exploded between you like a dam breaking after months of pressure.
His lips crashed against yours with devastating hunger, months of suppressed longing detonating in a single desperate moment. It wasn’t gentle. It was raw, frantic, and all-consuming—teeth grazing, breaths mingling in harsh gasps, hands clutching as if letting go might make the other disappear. You tasted salt from your tears and something deeper, more desperate on his tongue. His scarred fingers dug into your hips, pulling you flush against him, the solid warmth of his body a shock after so long apart. The oversized sweater bunched between you as he pressed closer, one hand sliding up your back beneath your robes to feel the familiar fabric against your skin.
A low, wrecked groan rumbled from his chest, vibrating into you. “I missed you,” he breathed against your mouth between kisses, the words broken and fervent. “Gods, I missed you so much.” The passion boomed like thunder rolling through the room, months of aching separation fueling every touch. Your fingers tightened in his collar, then tangled in his curls, tugging just enough to draw another desperate sound from him. His mouth moved to your jaw, your neck, sucking and biting softly as if he needed to mark every inch of you he’d denied himself.
You gasped his name, the sound swallowed by another searing kiss. Tears still slipped down your cheeks, mixing with the heat of the moment, but they were no longer only from pain. The kiss deepened, tongues sliding, bodies pressing impossibly closer. His hands roamed with reverent urgency — one sliding beneath the hem of the sweater to touch bare skin at your lower back, the other cradling the back of your head as if you were the most precious, fragile thing in his world. The room spun around you. The fire roared louder. The tension that had tormented you both for so long finally found release in this explosion of months—years—of love, hurt, and unrelenting need.
Remus pulled back just enough to rest his forehead against yours, breathing ragged, eyes closed tight as if afraid to look and find it unreal. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, voice shattered. “I’m so sorry. I’ve been so miserable without you.” Then his mouth was on yours again, slower this time but no less desperate, pouring every replayed memory, every lonely night, every hidden regret into the kiss. Your hands explored his chest, feeling the rapid thud of his heart beneath your palm, matching the wild rhythm of your own.
The Room of Requirement seemed to sigh around you, the fire burning steadily as the passion continued to surge—heated, emotional, and overwhelmingly real. His arms wrapped fully around you now, holding you like he might never let go, the sweater caught between your bodies like a witness to everything you had both endured. In that moment, trapped together under the near-full moon, the walls between you crumbled completely, leaving only the booming, desperate truth of how deeply you had missed each other.
Remus’s forehead rested against yours for only a heartbeat before the dam broke completely. His mouth claimed yours again with a desperate, broken sound that vibrated through both of you. What began as frantic, emotional kissing—all teeth and trembling lips and salt from your tears—quickly ignited into something far more heated, passionate, and consuming. Months of separation, of aching longing and self-denial, exploded between you in a roaring wave of need.
His scarred hands slid from your waist up your back, fingers pressing firmly into the fabric of your robes and the soft wool of the sweater beneath, pulling you impossibly closer. You melted into him, your body fitting against his tall, lean frame as if no time had passed. The kiss deepened instantly, his tongue sliding against yours with a hunger that stole your breath. He tasted like chocolate and desperation, like every lonely night and every replayed memory poured into this single moment. A low, guttural groan rumbled from deep in his chest, the sound so raw it sent heat pooling low in your belly.
You gasped into his mouth, fingers tightening in his curls, tugging just enough to draw another wrecked noise from him. The emotional walls had crumbled entirely, leaving nothing but fire and need in their place. “Remus,” you breathed against his lips, the name a plea and a prayer. His response was immediate—he angled your head, kissing you harder, more possessively, as if he could erase every painful day apart through sheer intensity.
The room responded to the rising desire, the fire flaring brighter, bathing everything in a golden, intimate glow. The couch cushions plumped invitingly nearby, but neither of you moved toward it yet. You were too lost in each other. His hands roamed with urgent reverence, sliding beneath your open robes to trace the curve of your waist through the oversized sweater. The familiar fabric—his sweater—bunched under his palms, and the sensation made him shudder. He broke the kiss just long enough to look down at it, eyes dark and glassy with emotion and lust.
“You’re wearing it,” he whispered, voice hoarse and wrecked. “Even now.” His fingers slipped under the hem, brushing bare skin at your lower back. The touch was electric, sending sparks racing up your spine. You arched into him, pressing your body flush against his, feeling the hard lines of his chest, the rapid thud of his heart, the growing evidence of his desire against your hip.
The kiss resumed with explosive passion. His mouth moved to your jaw, trailing hot, open-mouthed kisses down the column of your neck. He nipped at the sensitive spot just below your ear, then soothed it with his tongue, drawing a soft moan from your lips. Your hands explored him in return—sliding over his shoulders, down his chest, fingers fumbling with the buttons of his robes as if you needed to feel his skin immediately. When you succeeded in parting the fabric, your palms met warm, scarred skin, and the contact made you both tremble.
Remus groaned your name against your throat, the sound vibrating through you. One of his hands traveled higher beneath the sweater, mapping the curve of your ribs, thumb brushing the underside of your breast in a way that made your breath hitch sharply. Desire roared through you, booming and overwhelming, a tidal wave of heat that left your skin flushed and sensitive. Every touch felt amplified by the months apart—the way his calloused fingertips dragged across your skin, the slight roughness of his scars adding texture that made you shiver with need.
You tugged him closer by his collar again, mouths crashing together once more. The kiss turned filthy and passionate, tongues sliding, teeth grazing, breaths mingling in hot pants. His free hand gripped your hip, pulling you tighter against him, grinding slowly so you could feel exactly how much he wanted you. The friction drew a whimper from deep in your throat, and he swallowed the sound greedily, kissing you like he was starving.
The emotional intensity only heightened everything. Between heated kisses, broken whispers spilled out. “I missed this,” he rasped, lips brushing yours. “Missed the way you feel. The way you sound.” His hand slid further under the sweater, cupping your breast fully now, thumb circling your nipple until it pebbled under his touch. You moaned into his mouth, the pleasure spiking sharp and bright, your own hands pushing his robes off his shoulders to pool on the floor. Your fingers traced the scars across his chest with loving reverence, feeling him shudder beneath your touch.
The sexual tension boomed in the enclosed space, thick and heady. The air felt charged, warmer, scented with chocolate, pine, smoke, and the unmistakable musk of arousal. Remus backed you slowly toward the large couch, never breaking contact. When the backs of your knees hit the cushions, he lowered you down gently but urgently, following to hover over you. His body covered yours, one knee pressing between your thighs as he settled his weight carefully.
The kissing never stopped. Deep, devouring kisses that left your lips swollen and tingling. His mouth moved lower, trailing along your collarbone, pushing the robes and sweater aside to expose more skin. He lavished attention on every inch he uncovered—sucking marks into the swell of your breast, tongue flicking over sensitive peaks until you were arching and gasping beneath him. Your hands roamed his back, nails lightly dragging down scarred skin, pulling him closer, needing more friction, more heat, more him.
Desire pulsed between your legs, hot and insistent. You rocked against his thigh, seeking relief, and he groaned at the movement, pressing down to give you more pressure. “You feel so good,” he murmured against your skin, voice thick with longing. “So perfect. I’ve dreamed of this every night.” His hand slipped lower, tracing the waistband of your skirt, fingers teasing the sensitive skin of your inner thigh but not quite going further yet. The restraint only made the tension sharper, more explosive.
You pulled him back up for another searing kiss, pouring every ounce of your fractured heart into it—the pain, the love, the months of wearing his sweater like a lifeline. He responded with equal fervor, hips rolling against yours in a slow, deliberate rhythm that made stars burst behind your eyelids. The emotional and physical merged into one overwhelming force, passion booming through every touch, every gasp, every whispered confession between kisses.
The Room of Requirement kept the space warm and private, the fire crackling in approval as the make-out grew more heated, more desperate. Hands explored with increasing boldness, mouths claimed and soothed, bodies pressed together in a tangle of limbs and fabric. The oversized sweater remained on, pushed up around your ribs, a constant reminder of everything that had led you here—a symbol of love and pain now transformed into something blazingly alive.
Remus’s amber eyes met yours between kisses, dark with lust and deep, soul-shaking emotion. The tension continued to build, rising higher and higher, a delicious, aching pressure that promised even more to come. In this hidden sanctuary, trapped together under the near-full moon, you finally let yourselves burn.
The firelight bathed everything in a warm, golden haze as Remus hovered above you on the wide couch, his body heat enveloping you like a living flame. His amber eyes were dark, heavy-lidded with months of pent-up desire and raw emotion. The kiss lingered, slow and deep now, his tongue stroking yours in unhurried, sensual strokes that made your toes curl and your heart thunder against your ribs. Every breath you shared tasted of longing, of chocolate and salt and the undeniable truth that you had both been starving for this.
His scarred hands moved with deliberate reverence, sliding down your sides until his fingers caught the hem of the oversized maroon sweater. He didn’t rush. Instead, he pulled back just enough to look at you, eyes tracing the way the worn fabric draped over your body like it had been made for this moment.
“I’ve thought about this every single night,” he whispered, voice low and rough, thick with emotion. “Seeing you in my sweater again. Taking it off you.” Slowly, so slowly, he began to lift the garment. The soft wool dragged teasingly over your skin as he peeled it upward, exposing your stomach inch by inch. His lips followed immediately, pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses to every newly revealed stretch of skin. He lingered over your ribs, tongue tracing the delicate lines there, then moved higher as the sweater bunched beneath your breasts.
You shivered, a soft gasp escaping you. The cool air kissed your heated skin, but Remus’s mouth was there instantly, warming you with slow, worshipful kisses. He nuzzled the undersides of your breasts, inhaling deeply against your skin as if committing your scent to memory. “So beautiful,” he murmured, voice vibrating against you. “Every curve, every inch. I missed worshipping you like this. Missed feeling you tremble under my mouth.”
The sweater continued its ascent, finally clearing your breasts. Remus groaned softly, the sound deep and needy. He paused with the fabric gathered just above them, leaning in to lave one nipple with his tongue in long, slow circles before drawing it into the wet heat of his mouth. He sucked gently, reverently, while his hand cupped the other breast, thumb brushing the sensitive peak in matching rhythm. Pleasure bloomed low and deep in your core, spreading outward in warm waves. Your fingers tangled in his golden-brown curls, holding him close as your back arched into the sensation.
He switched sides with the same unhurried devotion, savoring you like you were something sacred. Only when you were whimpering did he finally pull the sweater the rest of the way off, lifting it over your head and tossing it aside with care. For a moment, he simply stared, eyes roaming over your now-bare upper body with blatant hunger and aching tenderness.
“Look at you,” he breathed, voice cracking with emotion. “Wearing my scent for months… carrying me with you even when I was too afraid to stay.” His hands returned, large and warm, scarred palms smoothing over your shoulders, down your arms, then back up to cup your breasts fully. He squeezed gently, thumbs circling your nipples until they tightened into stiff peaks. “I hate what I put you through. But gods, feeling you like this again… it’s everything.”
You pulled him down into another kiss, deep and lingering, tongues sliding together in a slow, sensual dance. His bare chest pressed against yours, the rough texture of his scars dragging deliciously over your sensitive skin. Your hands explored him in return, tracing every silver line across his shoulders and chest with reverent fingers. Remus shuddered hard at the touch, a low moan rumbling from his throat.
“You’ve always done that,” he whispered against your lips between kisses. “Touched my scars like they’re something worth loving. It undoes me every time.” He kissed you harder, one hand sliding down your body to grip your hip, pulling you closer so your bodies aligned in a slow grind that made you both gasp.
The foreplay stretched luxuriously. Remus’s mouth left yours to trail lower again, kissing a burning path down your neck, across your collarbones, between your breasts. He took his time, licking and sucking at your skin, leaving faint marks that bloomed pink under the firelight. His hands never stopped moving—one kneading your breast, the other sliding down to caress your thigh, fingers teasing the sensitive skin just beneath the hem of your skirt but not pushing further yet.
“I’ve replayed this in my head so many nights,” he confessed huskily, lips brushing your stomach. “Imagined tasting every inch of you. Hearing those little sounds you make when I touch you here—” His fingers dipped beneath your skirt, stroking along your inner thigh, so close to where you needed him but deliberately slow. “And here.” He nipped at your hip bone, soothing it with his tongue.
You moaned softly, hips shifting restlessly. Remus looked up at you, amber eyes blazing with desire and deep affection. “That’s it, love. Let me hear you. I want to know exactly how much you need this. How much you’ve needed me.” His hand moved higher, cupping you through your underwear, applying gentle pressure that made heat flood through your core. He rubbed slow, firm circles with the heel of his palm while his mouth returned to your breasts, sucking and licking until you were panting.
The tension built gradually, deliciously. He peeled the rest of your skirt and underwear down your legs with the same patient worship, kissing every inch of newly exposed skin—your hips, your thighs, the backs of your knees. When you were finally bare beneath him, he sat back for a moment, drinking in the sight of you with reverent hunger.
“Perfect,” he whispered. “So wet for me already. All this time apart, and your body still knows exactly who it belongs to.” His fingers returned, sliding through your slick folds with excruciating slowness. He circled your clit lightly, then dipped lower to tease your entrance, never quite pushing inside. The emotional weight of his words mixed with the physical pleasure, making everything feel overwhelming, intimate, and devastatingly right.
You reached for him, pulling him back up for a deep, passionate kiss while your hand slipped between you to stroke his hardness through his trousers. He groaned into your mouth, hips rocking gently into your touch. “Feel what you do to me,” he rasped. “I’ve been hard for you for months. Dreaming of your hands, your mouth, your perfect body wrapped around me.”
The foreplay continued in a haze of heat and emotion. Remus’s hands and mouth explored you endlessly—fingers stroking and teasing between your legs in slow, rhythmic patterns, mouth mapping every sensitive spot on your torso and neck. He whispered filthy, loving confessions the entire time: how he’d touched himself remembering the way you tasted, how he’d missed the way your thighs clenched around his head, how wearing his sweater had kept you close even when he’d tried to stay away.
Every touch built the desire higher, the tension coiling tighter in your belly without release. Slow, intimate, and overwhelmingly passionate, the two of you rediscovered each other in the firelit sanctuary, lost in the worship of hands, mouths, and whispered truths. The night stretched on, every caress deepening the connection that had never truly broken.
The tension between you had become unbearable, a living, pulsing force that demanded more. Remus hovered over you on the wide couch, his body flushed and breathing ragged, amber eyes locked onto yours with an intensity that made your soul ache. His fingers were still buried between your legs, stroking you slowly through the aftershocks of pleasure, but his own need was evident in the hard length pressing insistently against your thigh.
“I need to be inside you,” he whispered, voice wrecked and reverent. “I need to feel you around me. Please.”
You nodded, pulling him down into a deep, consuming kiss. Your legs parted wider, wrapping around his hips in invitation. Remus shifted, shedding the last of his clothes with trembling hands until he was bare above you, scarred skin glowing in the firelight. He was beautiful—long, thick, and achingly hard, the tip already glistening with need.
He positioned himself at your entrance, rubbing the head of his cock slowly through your slick folds, teasing your clit with each pass. His eyes never left yours. “Look at me,” he breathed. “I want to see you while I take you.”
The first push was slow, deliberate, and devastating. He sank into you inch by inch, stretching you open with a delicious burn that made you both moan. The sensation was overwhelming—hot, thick fullness that filled the aching emptiness you had carried for months. Remus’s jaw clenched, a low groan tearing from his throat as your walls clenched around him.
“Merlin… you feel like home,” he rasped, forehead pressed to yours. “So tight. So perfect. I’ve missed this so much.”
When he was fully seated, hips flush against yours, he stilled, giving you time to adjust. The intimacy of it crashed over you both. Eye contact unbroken, breaths mingling, bodies joined as deeply as two people could be. He kissed you softly, tenderly, then deeper, tongue sliding against yours in the same rhythm he began to move.
His thrusts started slow and deep, rolling his hips in long, sensual strokes that dragged against every sensitive spot inside you. Each withdrawal left you aching, each return filled you completely. The pleasure built in heavy, booming waves, radiating from where you were connected outward to every nerve ending. Your hands roamed his back, nails digging into scarred skin as you urged him closer.
Remus kept his eyes on yours the entire time, amber gaze dark and glassy with emotion. “I love you,” he whispered between thrusts. “I never stopped. Not for a single second.” His pace gradually increased, hips snapping harder, the wet sound of your bodies meeting filling the room alongside your shared moans.
You wrapped your legs tighter around him, heels digging into his lower back, pulling him deeper. The angle allowed him to hit that perfect spot with every thrust, sending sparks of white-hot pleasure shooting through you. His mouth found yours again, kissing you desperately as he drove into you, one hand braced beside your head, the other gripping your hip to hold you in place.
After several long, passionate minutes, he slowed, breathing hard. “I want to feel you on top,” he murmured, voice husky. With surprising strength, he rolled you both, keeping himself buried deep inside as you settled astride his hips.
Straddling him, you braced your hands on his chest and began to move. The new position let you control the depth and rhythm. You rocked slowly at first, grinding down so he filled you completely, then rising until only the tip remained before sinking back down. Remus’s hands gripped your thighs, scarred fingers digging in as he watched you ride him, eyes heavy with awe and lust.
“Gods, look at you,” he groaned, hips bucking up to meet your downward strokes. “So beautiful taking me like this. I’ve dreamed of you riding me in my sweater… but this—bare and mine—is so much better.” One hand slid up to cup your breast, thumb circling your nipple while the other guided your hip, helping you find a faster rhythm.
The pleasure intensified. Every roll of your hips dragged his cock against that perfect spot inside, the base rubbing deliciously against your clit. Remus sat up slightly, wrapping one arm around your waist to pull you closer, mouths meeting in messy, heated kisses as you moved together. Sweat slicked your skin, bodies sliding against each other in the firelight.
He buried his face in your neck, sucking marks into your skin while you rode him harder, the wet slap of skin on skin growing louder. “That’s it, love,” he panted against your throat. “Use me. Take what you need. I’m yours. I’ve always been yours.”
The emotional connection deepened with every thrust, every shared breath, every whispered confession. You could feel him throbbing inside you, hot and thick, the stretch and fullness overwhelming in the best possible way.
Remus flipped you again after a while, this time gently turning you onto your hands and knees. He entered you from behind in one smooth, deep thrust, both of you moaning loudly at the new angle. His chest pressed against your back as he draped himself over you, one hand reaching around to rub your clit while the other braced beside yours. He fucked you with deep, powerful strokes, hips snapping against your ass, the position allowing him to reach even deeper.
“You feel incredible,” he groaned, lips brushing your ear. “So wet. So tight around me. I could stay buried in you forever.” His fingers circled your clit faster, matching the rhythm of his thrusts. The pleasure coiled tighter and tighter, your arms trembling as you pushed back against him, meeting every powerful stroke.
He pulled you upright, your back against his chest, one arm banded across your breasts while the other continued its delicious work between your legs. Kissing your neck, your shoulder, your jaw, he thrust up into you with steady, deep rolls of his hips. The intimacy was overwhelming—skin to skin, his heartbeat thundering against your back, his voice whispering filthy, loving words directly into your ear.
“I love being inside you,” he breathed. “Love how you clench around me when I hit that spot. You’re mine. This body, this heart—mine again.”
The sensations built to a fever pitch. Every deep thrust, every circle of his fingers, every kiss pressed to your heated skin pushed you closer to the edge. Remus’s pace grew more urgent but never lost its emotional depth, his groans mixing with your moans in a symphony of rediscovered passion.
He turned you once more onto your back, settling between your thighs and sliding home again in one smooth motion. Face to face, eyes locked, he made love to you with everything he had—deep, passionate strokes that claimed you completely while his mouth devoured yours. Hands intertwined beside your head, bodies moving as one.
The connection was absolute. Physical, emotional, soul-deep. In the golden firelight, with the weight of months apart finally shattered, you gave yourselves over completely to each other, lost in the overwhelming intimacy and pleasure of being together again.
The firelight flickered wildly across your joined bodies as Remus moved above you, his thrusts deep and steady, each one driving him impossibly further inside you. Your legs were wrapped tightly around his waist, heels digging into his lower back, pulling him closer with every roll of his hips. The stretch of him inside you was perfect—thick, hot, and relentless—filling every aching inch you had missed for so long.
Remus’s amber eyes stayed locked on yours, never wavering, even as his pace began to quicken. Sweat glistened on his scarred chest, his golden-brown curls damp and falling into his eyes. His breath came in ragged pants against your lips between deep, messy kisses.
“I can feel you getting tighter around me,” he groaned, voice raw and trembling with emotion. “So close already, love. Let go for me. I want to feel you come while I’m buried so deep inside you.”
The pleasure coiled tighter and tighter in your core with every powerful thrust. He angled his hips slightly, hitting that perfect spot inside you on every stroke, the head of his cock dragging deliciously against your walls. The wet, obscene sound of your bodies meeting filled the room, mixing with your shared moans and gasps. His hand slid between you, fingers finding your swollen clit and rubbing tight, firm circles in time with his thrusts.
The sensations were overwhelming—booming through your body like thunder. Heat flooded your veins, every nerve ending alight and screaming with pleasure. Your walls fluttered and clenched around his thick length, drawing a wrecked groan from deep in his chest.
“Remus—” you gasped, fingers digging into his shoulders, nails leaving marks on scarred skin.
“That’s it,” he panted, voice breaking. “Come on my cock. I’ve waited months to feel this again. Let me feel how much you need me.”
The pressure built to an unbearable peak. Your thighs trembled around him, muscles tightening as the orgasm rushed toward you like a tidal wave. Remus kept his eyes on yours, forehead pressed to yours, sharing every breath as he drove into you harder, deeper, faster. His fingers never stopped their relentless rhythm on your clit.
It hit you like a spell exploding.
Your back arched sharply off the couch as the climax crashed through you, raw and devastating. A broken cry tore from your throat, loud and unrestrained. Pleasure detonated in powerful, pulsing waves, starting deep in your core and radiating outward in blinding bursts that made your vision white out at the edges. Your walls clenched violently around his cock, spasming and milking him as wave after wave tore through you. Every muscle in your body tightened, then shook uncontrollably. Wet heat flooded between your legs, coating his length as you came hard, soaking him with the intensity of your release.
Remus groaned loudly, the sound guttural and desperate, but he kept thrusting through it, drawing out every last shudder and aftershock. “Yes—fuck, yes,” he gasped, voice wrecked. “I can feel you coming all over me. So perfect. So good for me.”
Even as your orgasm began to ebb, leaving you trembling and oversensitive, he didn’t slow. His thrusts grew erratic, hips snapping against yours with increasing urgency. The wet slap of skin on skin grew louder, more frantic. His fingers kept working your clit gently, coaxing smaller sparks of pleasure from your exhausted body.
“I’m close,” he rasped, eyes still locked on yours, glassy with overwhelming emotion and lust. “I’m so close. Come with me again, love. I need you with me.”
He shifted slightly, changing the angle so every thrust ground against that perfect spot while his cock dragged perfectly inside you. The overstimulation mixed with fresh building pleasure created a dizzying, almost too-intense sensation. Your second climax built rapidly on the heels of the first, coiling even tighter, even hotter.
Remus’s rhythm faltered, his hips stuttering as he chased his own release. “I love you,” he whispered brokenly against your lips, kissing you deeply as he drove into you with everything he had. “I love you so much. Never letting you go again.”
The peak hit you both almost simultaneously.
Your second orgasm exploded through you even more violently than the first. A raw, keening moan tore from your throat as pleasure ripped through your body like lightning. Your walls clamped down hard around his cock, pulsing rhythmically in powerful contractions that milked him relentlessly. Waves of ecstasy crashed over you, each one stronger than the last, leaving you shaking and gasping, tears of overwhelming pleasure slipping from the corners of your eyes. Your entire body convulsed beneath him, thighs quivering violently around his hips, core fluttering and squeezing him in a vise of wet heat.
Remus followed right behind you with a deep, broken groan that vibrated through his chest and into yours. His hips snapped forward one final time, burying himself to the hilt as he came hard. You felt every pulse, every thick spurt of his release flooding deep inside you, hot and endless. His cock throbbed powerfully with each jet, his body shuddering above you as the orgasm tore through him. His scarred hands gripped your hips hard enough to bruise, holding you flush against him as he emptied himself completely, filling you until you could feel the warmth of his release leaking out around where you were joined.
He kept moving through it, slow, shallow thrusts that prolonged both your orgasms, drawing out every last tremor and aftershock. Your bodies remained locked together, pulsing and trembling in unison as the pleasure slowly began to ebb.
Remus collapsed forward, catching himself on his elbows so he didn’t crush you, but staying fully buried inside you. His forehead pressed against yours, both of you breathing hard, sweat-slicked skin sliding together. His amber eyes were hazy with spent pleasure and deep, soul-shaking emotion as he looked at you.
The room felt charged with the aftermath—the fire still crackling, your bodies intertwined, hearts thundering in sync. The connection between you felt unbreakable in that moment, months of pain and longing finally released in the most raw, intimate way possible. You stayed like that for a long time, joined and trembling, whispering soft words of love and reassurance between gentle kisses as the intense afterglow wrapped around you both.
The climax had been cataclysmic—physically devastating and emotionally healing—leaving you both spent, sated, and finally, truly together again.
Remus remained buried deep inside you, his body heavy and warm as he trembled through the final aftershocks. His forehead rested against yours, breaths mingling in shallow, shared pants. For a long moment, neither of you moved, simply existing in the profound intimacy of being joined so completely.
Slowly, he lifted his head, amber eyes soft and hazy with spent pleasure and overwhelming emotion. “Are you alright?” he whispered, voice rough but impossibly tender. One scarred hand came up to cup your cheek, thumb brushing away the dampness from your earlier tears and the fresh sheen of sweat.
You nodded, a small, shaky smile tugging at your lips. “More than alright,” you murmured, voice hoarse from crying out his name. Remus leaned down and kissed you—slow, lingering, and full of quiet reverence. He stayed inside you a little longer, savoring the closeness, before carefully easing out with a shared, soft gasp. The loss of him made you whimper quietly, but he was already moving to care for you.
The Room of Requirement responded to the shift in mood, softening the light further and producing a basin of warm water and a stack of soft cloths on the low table nearby. Remus reached for one, dipping it in the water before gently cleaning between your thighs. His touch was feather-light, almost worshipful, wiping away the evidence of your shared release with careful strokes. “I’ve got you,” he murmured repeatedly, eyes flicking up to meet yours between every gentle pass of the cloth. “I’m right here.”
When he was satisfied, he cleaned himself quickly and then pulled you into his arms. He shifted so he was lying on his back on the wide couch, guiding you to settle against his chest. Your head rested perfectly over his heart, the steady, slightly elevated thud of it a soothing rhythm beneath your ear. His arms wrapped around you securely, one hand stroking slowly up and down your bare back while the other threaded through your hair.
You reached for the oversized maroon sweater he had peeled off you earlier and pulled it over both of you like a blanket. The familiar wool settled warmly across your bodies, its frayed edges draping over your shoulders and his waist. It still carried both your scents now—intertwined and comforting. Remus let out a soft, contented sound as the fabric touched his skin, pulling it closer around you.
“There it is,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “My favorite sight. You wrapped in something of mine.” His hand slipped beneath the sweater to rest against the bare skin of your back, tracing lazy patterns with his fingertips. The touch was soothing, grounding, full of quiet affection that made your chest ache with relief and love.
For a long while, you simply lay there together in the warm cocoon of the sweater and his embrace. The fire popped gently. Outside the room, the castle slept on, but in here time felt suspended—soft, intimate, and safe. Your legs tangled with his, one of your hands resting over his heart while the other traced the scars across his chest with the same loving reverence you’d always shown them.
“I was so scared I’d lost this forever,” Remus said eventually, voice barely above a whisper. His fingers continued their slow journey along your spine, dipping into the curve of your waist. “Every night after I pushed you away, I regretted it more. I thought I was doing the right thing… protecting you from me. But all I did was hurt us both.”
You tilted your head up to look at him, chin resting on his chest. His amber eyes were glassy again, filled with deep emotion. “I know,” you whispered back, reaching up to brush a curl from his forehead. “But you’re here now. We’re here.”
He swallowed hard and pulled you higher so he could kiss you—slow and sweet, full of lingering love. When he pulled back, his hand cupped your face, thumb stroking your cheek. “I replayed every moment with you constantly. The way you looked in Hogsmeade with snow in your hair and my sweater hanging off your shoulders. The secret kisses in the library. The nights in the common room when I’d pull you into my lap and everything else disappeared.” His voice cracked slightly. “I was miserable without you. More than miserable. Empty.”
Tears pricked at your eyes again, but this time they were softer, born of relief rather than pain. You pressed closer, nuzzling into the crook of his neck and inhaling his familiar scent mixed with sweat and sex. “I wore this sweater every single night,” you confessed quietly against his skin. “It was the only way I could sleep. The only piece of you I had left. I’d bury my face in it and pretend you were holding me.”
Remus’s arms tightened around you, one hand slipping beneath the sweater again to rub slow, soothing circles on your lower back. “I’m so sorry,” he breathed, voice thick. “I’m never pushing you away again. The wolf, the war, the scars… I still fear them. But I fear losing you more. You make me feel like I’m worth fighting for. Like the moon doesn’t have to define me completely.”
You kissed his neck, then his jaw, then his lips in a series of gentle, lingering presses. “We’ll face it together,” you whispered. “All of it. I’ve never been afraid of any part of you, Remus. I love every piece.”
The affection between you boomed in the quiet space, warm and all-encompassing. He rolled you slightly so you were both on your sides facing each other, the sweater draped over your hips and backs like a shared cocoon. His leg slid between yours, pulling you even closer until there was no space left between your bodies. His hand stroked your hair, your cheek, the curve of your shoulder—constant, gentle touches that spoke louder than words.
“I love you,” he said again, the words simple but heavy with months of unspoken truth. “I love you so much it feels like it might break me open. Thank you for not giving up on me. For wearing this ridiculous sweater and waiting.”
You smiled softly, tracing a scar that ran across his collarbone. “I could never give up on you. You’re my home.”
The conversation drifted into comfortable, quiet murmurs—memories shared in hushed voices, soft reassurances, gentle teasing about James and Sirius’s knowing looks. All the while, his hands never stopped moving: stroking your thigh, rubbing your back, threading through your hair. You returned the touches just as tenderly, mapping his scars and pressing kisses wherever your lips could reach.
The Room kept the air warm and the fire steady, as if understanding that you both needed this extended tenderness. Time stretched luxuriously. Remus eventually pulled the sweater higher, tucking it around your shoulders like a protective shield, then tucked your head under his chin. Your ear pressed against his heartbeat, steady and strong now.
“I’m never letting you go again,” he whispered into your hair, the words vibrating through his chest. “Not the moon, not the war, nothing. You’re stuck with me, love. Sweater and all.”
You let out a soft, watery laugh and snuggled deeper into his embrace, the wool of the sweater soft against your cheek. Relief flooded through you in warm, booming waves—the kind of bone-deep relief that came from finally being whole again. The ache that had lived in your chest for months was quiet now, replaced by this overwhelming, tender affection and the solid reality of Remus’s arms around you.
In the golden firelight, wrapped together under his old sweater, you drifted in and out of light, peaceful conversation and comfortable silence. Gentle kisses were exchanged whenever the emotion swelled too strongly—on foreheads, eyelids, lips, shoulders. His fingers traced lazy patterns on your skin beneath the wool. Yours did the same across his chest.
The aftercare stretched on for what felt like hours, a beautiful, intimate bubble of healing and love. No rush. No fear. Just the two of you, finally together again, hearts wide open and bodies entwined under the soft weight of the sweater that had carried you through the darkest months apart.
“I love you,” you whispered one last time, voice heavy with contentment.
Remus’s arms tightened around you, his lips brushing your temple. “I love you more. Always.”
And in that warm, safe space, with the fire glowing softly and the world shut out, you believed him completely.
The morning light filtered softly into the Room of Requirement, not through windows but through the gentle magic of the space itself, casting a warm, hazy glow over the couch where you lay tangled together. The fire had burned low overnight, reduced to glowing embers that pulsed like a quiet heartbeat. You stirred first, nestled against Remus’s chest, the oversized maroon sweater draped over both of you like a shared blanket. His arm was heavy around your waist, scarred hand resting possessively on the curve of your hip even in sleep. The scent of him—chocolate, old books, pine, and now the faint musk of last night—surrounded you completely.
For a moment, you simply breathed him in, letting the warmth of his body seep into yours. Then the memories of everything that had happened rushed back: the desperate confessions, the frantic kisses, the way he had moved inside you like he was trying to merge your souls. A flush crept up your neck, mixing with a deep, blooming tenderness.
Remus shifted, inhaling sharply as he woke. His amber eyes fluttered open, meeting yours with a mix of wonder and sudden, boyish uncertainty. The slight awkwardness hit immediately—that soft morning-after hesitation where passion gave way to quiet vulnerability. He blinked, then offered a small, crooked smile that made your heart squeeze.
“Morning,” he murmured, voice gravelly from sleep and everything you’d shared. His hand flexed on your hip, thumb stroking slow circles as if checking you were real. “You’re still here.”
“So are you,” you whispered back, reaching up to brush a curl from his forehead. The touch lingered, your fingers tracing down the side of his face, over the familiar scars. He leaned into it, eyes fluttering half-closed, but there was a faint tension in his shoulders—the awkward awareness of how exposed you both had been last night.
He pulled you closer, burying his face in your hair for a long moment, breathing you in. The sweater shifted between you, soft wool brushing bare skin. “I keep thinking I’ll wake up and this will have been another dream,” he admitted quietly. “That I’ll be alone again, regretting everything.”
You shook your head, pressing a gentle kiss to his collarbone. “Not a dream.” The words hung between you, tender and a little shy. He tilted your chin up and kissed you—slow, sweet, and careful, like he was afraid of breaking the fragile newness of this morning. When he pulled back, his eyes searched yours, full of quiet emotion.
The conversation turned softer, more serious, as you both lay there under the sweater. His fingers traced idle patterns on your back beneath the wool while you rested your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.
“The full moon is in a few nights,” he said eventually, voice low and hesitant. There was no hiding the slight awkwardness in bringing it up now, in the bright light of morning. “I… I don’t want to pretend it won’t be hard. The wolf, the transformations… they’re still part of me. I can’t promise I’ll never pull away again out of fear.”
You lifted your head to meet his gaze. “I know,” you replied gently. “And I’m still not afraid of that part of you. We’ll figure it out. Together this time.” Your hand found his, intertwining your fingers. The touch was grounding, warm.
Remus exhaled shakily, relief and lingering worry mixing in his expression. “The war is coming too. It’s getting darker out there. I don’t want to drag you into more danger than necessary.” His thumb brushed over your knuckles. “But I also can’t… I can’t do this without you anymore. Not after last night. Not after hearing how much you’ve been hurting.”
The honesty felt raw in the morning quiet, a bittersweet undercurrent beneath the tenderness. You kissed him again, deeper this time, pouring reassurance into it. “Then we face it side by side,” you whispered against his lips. “The moon, the war, everything. I chose you a long time ago, Remus. Sweater and all.”
He smiled then—a real, warm smile that reached his eyes—and pulled you fully on top of him, the sweater bunching around your waist. You stayed like that for a while longer, trading soft kisses and lingering touches. His hands roamed gently over your body, not with last night’s desperate hunger but with deep affection—stroking your sides, cupping your face, tracing the marks he’d left on your neck and shoulders. The slight awkwardness remained in the small hesitations, the shy glances, the way he’d pause sometimes as if still processing that you were truly here with him again. But it only made the intimacy sweeter.
Eventually, the room provided fresh clothes and a small breakfast tray—toast, tea, and chocolate. You both dressed slowly, stealing glances at each other. When you reached for the oversized maroon sweater again, Remus’s eyes softened with something profound.
“You’re really wearing it today?” he asked, voice quiet but full of emotion.
You pulled it over your head, the familiar fabric settling around you like coming home. It was slightly rumpled from the night, but it felt perfect. “Always,” you said simply.
He stepped close, adjusting the collar with gentle fingers, then leaned down to kiss you once more. “I love seeing you in it. More than you know.”
The awkwardness lingered as you finally stood, hands brushing self-consciously, but it was the good kind—the kind that came with new beginnings after heartbreak. You both tidied the space with quiet spells, though the room seemed reluctant to fully erase the evidence of the night. When the door finally appeared, Remus took your hand, squeezing it tightly.
“Ready?” he asked, a hint of nervousness in his voice.
You nodded, heart full. “Together.”
Stepping out of the Room of Requirement felt like emerging from a dream into reality. The castle corridors were already stirring with early morning activity—students hurrying to breakfast, portraits murmuring, the distant clatter of dishes from the Great Hall. The slight awkwardness followed you both down the halls. Remus kept your hand in his but walked a little stiffly at first, hyper-aware of the possibility of being seen. You bumped shoulders once, sharing a shy smile.
By the time you reached the Great Hall, the morning light streamed through the high windows, illuminating the long house tables. James and Sirius were already there, piling food onto their plates. Sirius spotted you first, his grey eyes sharpening with immediate knowing. A slow, wicked grin spread across his face, but there was real relief beneath it. James looked up, nearly dropping his toast, then broke into a massive, beaming smile.
“Well, well,” Sirius drawled as you approached, voice low enough not to carry too far. “Look who finally stopped being idiots.”
Remus’s ears turned pink, the awkwardness peaking as he rubbed the back of his neck. You felt your own cheeks heat, but you didn’t let go of his hand. James clapped Remus on the shoulder, pulling you both down to sit.
“About time, Moony,” James said warmly, though his eyes were suspiciously bright. “We were running out of terrible jokes to cheer her up.”
The teasing was light, full of brotherly affection, easing some of the tension. Remus relaxed beside you, his knee pressing against yours under the table. He kept stealing glances at you, small smiles tugging at his lips whenever his eyes caught on the sweater peeking from beneath your robes. You loaded your plate with food you could finally taste again, the hollow ache in your chest replaced by something warm and hopeful.
Breakfast passed in a bubble of tentative normalcy—quiet conversations, lingering touches under the table, shared looks full of promise. The war loomed in the background, a dark cloud neither of you could ignore, and the full moon was only days away. But in this moment, surrounded by friends who had clearly been rooting for you both, the future felt possible.
As you finished eating, Remus leaned close, his breath warm against your ear. “Whatever comes next,” he whispered, “we face it together. No more deciding for both of us.”
You turned, pressing a quick, soft kiss to his cheek right there in the Great Hall, sweater sleeve brushing his arm. “Together,” you agreed.
The slight awkwardness remained—the shy readjustment to being open about what you were—but it was drowned out by the booming tenderness in your chest. Hopeful, realistic, and bittersweet all at once. The war would come. The moon would rise. There would be hard nights ahead.
But you had each other again. And as you walked out of the Great Hall hand in hand, the oversized maroon sweater wrapped around you like a promise, that felt like enough to face whatever tomorrow brought.
⬩➤ details: nsfw, profanity, established secret relationship, overworked senku, stubborn senku, massage, sexual tension, teasing, edging, orgasm delay, blowjob, oral sex, handjob, reader dom, submissive senku, porn with feelings, fluff and smut, aftercare, comfort sex, lab sex, stone world setting, kingdom of science, post-petrification, communications arc
⬩➤ wordcount: 7.8k
⬩➤ note: currently obsessed with dcst so have this!
⬩➤ synopsis:
In the flickering lamplight of the Kingdom of Science’s makeshift lab, Senku Ishigami pushes himself to the brink, racing to complete a critical communication device before Tsukasa’s empire strikes. Exhausted and stubborn, he refuses to rest—until you step in. What begins as a soothing shoulder massage quickly turns heated when you drop to your knees before him, determined to make the brilliant scientist unravel. Even as he tries to keep working, your mouth and hands slowly dismantle his iron focus, leading to a raw, desperate release that finally forces the genius to surrender… at least for one night.
The faint glow of oil lamps and makeshift electric lights flickered across the cluttered lab, casting long shadows over the chaotic array of stone tools, scavenged wires, and half-assembled circuits. The air smelled of sulfur, heated metal, and that sharp, earthy tang of the Stone World that never quite left your nose. Outside, the distant sounds of the Kingdom of Science's preparations hummed—people training, forging, whispering strategies for the looming clash with Tsukasa's empire. But in here, it was just the quiet scratch of Senku's tools and his occasional muttered calculations.
You pushed aside the heavy cloth flap serving as the lab's door, your bare feet silent on the packed earth floor. The weight of the day clung to you: patrols, resource runs, the constant undercurrent of tension as Senku and the others raced to finish the phone that could turn the tide. Everyone was stretched thin. But Senku... he carried it all.
He was hunched over the central workbench, white lab coat rumpled and stained, his green hair disheveled from running his hands through it too many times. His back was to you, shoulders tight with that familiar rigid focus. A small device—part of the communication prototype—sat in front of him, wires delicately twisted, but his movements had slowed. The usual spark in his eyes when you caught a glimpse of his profile looked dimmed by exhaustion.
"Senku," you said softly, stepping closer. Your voice cut through the quiet hum of his work without startling him. You'd learned long ago how to approach him like this—never too loud, never demanding, but present. Steady.
He didn't look up right away, his fingers still adjusting a tiny stone-carved component. "Ten billion percent sure you're here to nag me about rest again," he replied, that trademark smirk tugging at his lips even though it didn't reach his voice fully. "Save it. The phone's the priority. One wrong variable and Tsukasa's goons crush us before we can even call for backup. Can't afford downtime."
You moved beside him, close enough to see the faint shadows under his eyes and the way his hands trembled just slightly from hours of precise, unrelenting work. The stress was etched into every line of his body—the set of his jaw, the rigid line of his spine. He was pushing himself harder than anyone, reinventing science from nothing while the world threatened to collapse around you all.
You placed a hand lightly on his shoulder, feeling the heat of his skin through the thin fabric. "You've been in here since before dawn. The others are handling the perimeter. Let me help you unwind for a bit. Just a break. You know you think better when you're not running on fumes."
Senku finally glanced at you, crimson eyes sharp but weary. He leaned into your touch for half a second—almost unconsciously—before straightening again. "Appreciate the sentiment, but no can do. Focus is key right now." He turned back to the device, picking up a thin wire with renewed determination, though his grip was tighter than necessary. "If I stop now, momentum's lost. You understand that better than most."
The lab fell quiet again except for the faint clink of his tools. You watched him, the way his shoulders refused to drop, the stubborn set of his posture. He was insisting on pushing through, as always. But you could see it—the cracks in that unbreakable genius facade. The way his breathing had grown just a fraction heavier.
You didn't argue. Instead, you stayed close, your presence a quiet counterpoint to his frenzy. Your fingers lingered on his shoulder, tracing a slow, soothing circle there. He didn't pull away, but he kept working, eyes locked on the half-finished phone like it was the only thing anchoring him.
You let the silence stretch, content for now to simply watch him.
The warm, flickering light from the oil lamps painted his skin in soft golds and deep ambers, highlighting every sharp line and subtle shadow of his face. His green hair, usually so neat and spiked with calculated precision, was messy now—strands sticking up at odd angles where he’d dragged his fingers through it in frustration. A few pieces clung damply to his forehead from the humid night air and the heat radiating off the small forge in the corner. His crimson eyes, sharp and brilliant even when exhausted, reflected the tiny sparks of electricity he was coaxing from the primitive circuit. You could see the faint crease between his brows, the way his lashes cast delicate shadows on his cheeks every time he blinked slowly, fighting off the weariness that threatened to pull him under.
Your gaze drifted lower. The collar of his lab coat was slightly askew, revealing the sharp jut of his collarbone and the faint sheen of sweat along the side of his neck. A single droplet traced a slow path down the elegant column of his throat before disappearing beneath the fabric. His hands—those clever, long-fingered hands that had rebuilt civilization from stone and willpower—moved with practiced grace, twisting copper wire with delicate precision. But you noticed the micro-tremors in his fingertips, the way his knuckles had gone white from gripping the tools too tightly for too long. The veins along the backs of his hands stood out more prominently tonight, a map of strain and determination.
Even his breathing told a story: shallow, controlled inhales through his nose, followed by soft, almost inaudible exhales, like he was rationing every ounce of energy. The faint scent of him filled your senses—ozone from the electrical work, the metallic tang of tools, and underneath it all, that warm, uniquely Senku smell that always made your chest tighten with affection. His jaw was clenched, the muscles there feathering occasionally when a calculation didn’t go exactly as planned. A tiny scar you’d memorized long ago, just below his left ear from some earlier experiment gone slightly wrong, caught the light whenever he tilted his head.
He was beautiful like this. Not in the soft, polished way people usually imagined beauty, but in the raw, brilliant intensity of someone who carried the weight of the entire world on his shoulders and refused to buckle. Your heart ached with it—the love, the worry, the overwhelming need to ease even a fraction of what he bore.
Your hand slowly slid from his shoulder, palm pressing gently against the tight muscles there. That was when you truly felt it—the deep, stubborn tension knotted into his shoulders.
Without a word, you stepped fully behind him, both hands settling on his shoulders now. Your thumbs found the rigid cords of muscle running along his upper back and began to press in slow, firm circles. The fabric of his lab coat was warm under your palms, slightly damp from the long hours he’d spent hunched over the workbench.
At first, Senku’s body tensed even more—like a reflex, his mind rejecting the interruption. “Hey… I told you, I’m fine,” he muttered, voice low and distracted as his fingers continued twisting a delicate wire into place. But you didn’t stop. You kept the pressure steady, working your thumbs deeper into the knots, kneading the exhaustion out of him with careful, loving persistence.
Gradually, you felt the shift.
His shoulders lowered by a fraction. A long, barely audible breath escaped him as your fingers worked along the tight line of his trapezius. The muscles under your hands began to loosen, softening just enough that you could feel the difference. His head tilted forward slightly, almost involuntarily, as you dragged your thumbs up the back of his neck in a slow, soothing stroke.
You watched every tiny reaction. The way his crimson eyes fluttered for half a second before refocusing on the half-finished phone. How his jaw unclenched, just a little. The faint shiver that ran down his spine when your fingertips brushed the sensitive spot just below his hairline. Even his hands—still stubbornly working—moved a fraction slower, the precision still there but the frantic edge dulling.
He was relaxing. You could feel it in the way his breathing deepened, in the subtle way his back leaned back toward your touch even as he tried to fight it.
But he didn’t stop.
“Ten billion percent sure this is cheating,” he said, the words rougher than usual, laced with that familiar smirk even as his voice dipped lower. His fingers kept adjusting the tiny components on the device, eyes locked on his work like it was a lifeline. “Doesn’t mean I’m taking a break. The circuit still needs—”
You pressed harder into a particularly stubborn knot near his right shoulder blade, and his words cut off with a quiet exhale. His free hand gripped the edge of the workbench for a second, knuckles whitening again—but this time not from stress alone.
You smiled softly to yourself, continuing the massage. Your hands moved with purpose now, sliding down his back, thumbs pressing along his spine, then back up to his shoulders in long, rhythmic strokes. Each pass seemed to pull a little more tension out of him. His posture relaxed further, his head dipping slightly as he fought to stay focused on the glowing wires and stone components in front of him.
Yet even as his body surrendered to your touch, his mind refused to quit. He kept working, muttering calculations under his breath, stubborn as ever.
The contrast made your chest warm—watching the brilliant, exhausted genius slowly melt under your hands while still refusing to step away from his mission.
So you give him a reward.
Your hands lingered on his shoulders for one final, firm squeeze before you began to let them drift downward. Slowly. Deliberately. Your palms smoothed over the curve of his shoulder blades through the thin lab coat, feeling the subtle shift of muscle and bone beneath. You took your time, fingertips tracing the line of his spine in a feather-light caress that made his breath hitch just enough for you to notice. Lower still, gliding over the narrow dip of his lower back where the fabric had pulled slightly loose from hours of leaning forward.
Senku’s hands never stopped their meticulous work on the phone’s circuitry, but his movements had grown noticeably more deliberate, almost mechanical, as if his body was splitting focus between the delicate wires and the heat of your touch. You felt the faint tremor that rolled through him when your hands reached the hem of his lab coat.
Without hesitation, you slipped them underneath the fabric, palms meeting warm, bare skin. The contact was electric. His back was smooth and fever-hot from the long day’s strain, a light sheen of sweat making your fingers glide effortlessly. You caressed him with aching slowness, mapping every ridge of his spine, every subtle shift of muscle as he fought to stay concentrated. Your fingertips traced teasing circles over his sides, feeling the way his waist narrowed, the lean strength hidden beneath that deceptively slender frame.
Down… further down.
You pressed your body closer to his back, chest brushing lightly against him as your hands continued their unhurried descent. The pads of your fingers skimmed over the sharp edges of his hip bones, savoring the way his breathing had grown deeper, heavier. His crimson eyes were still fixed on the workbench, but his head had tilted ever so slightly toward you, betraying him.
Finally, your hands reached the waistband of his pants. Your fingers hovered there, resting just above the simple tie that held them in place, brushing lightly against the warm skin of his lower abdomen.
Leaning in until your lips ghosted against the shell of his ear, you whispered softly, breath warm against his skin,
“May I?”
Senku’s breath hitched audibly this time, the sound low and rough in the back of his throat. His fingers stilled completely on the delicate copper wire for a heartbeat before he forced them to move again, stubborn as ever.
“…I’m not stopping,” he rasped, voice strained but determined, crimson eyes narrowing slightly as he tried to refocus on the half-assembled phone. “No matter what you do… the circuit still needs calibration. Tsukasa’s forces aren’t going to wait for—ah.”
His words faltered as you began to move.
You pulled your hands away from his waistband with agonizing slowness, fingertips grazing over the warm skin of his lower abdomen one last time, feeling the way his muscles twitched under your touch. The oil lamps flickered softly around you both, casting dancing golden highlights across the lab’s cluttered surfaces—glass beakers, stone-carved tools, tangled wires, and the faint metallic gleam of the prototype device that held Senku’s fractured attention.
Rising gracefully, you circled the workbench with measured steps, your bare feet whispering against the cool, packed earth floor. The air between you felt thicker now, heavy with anticipation and the faint scent of ozone, sweat, and heated metal. Senku’s gaze followed you reluctantly, his head turning just enough to keep you in his peripheral vision while his hands remained glued to his work, twisting and adjusting components with forced precision.
You stopped directly in front of him.
The workbench’s edge pressed lightly against your hips as you stood between his slightly parted legs. From this angle, he looked even more devastatingly handsome—his white lab coat hanging open and disheveled, revealing the lean, toned lines of his chest beneath a simple sleeveless shirt that clung to his skin from the humid night air. A thin sheen of sweat traced along his collarbones, catching the light with every shallow breath he took. His green hair was even more chaotic up close, messy spikes falling across his forehead, a few strands sticking to his damp skin. Those sharp crimson eyes, usually so calculating and bright, were darker now, pupils blown wide despite how hard he fought to keep them locked on the device in front of him.
You held his gaze for a long, heated moment, letting the tension coil tighter. Then, without breaking eye contact, you slowly sank down to your knees before him.
The movement was unhurried, intimate. Your hands trailed lightly down his thighs as you lowered yourself, feeling the firm muscle tense beneath the thin fabric of his pants. The cool earth met your knees, grounding you as you settled comfortably between his legs. From this position, you had the perfect view of him towering above you—his narrow waist, the subtle rise and fall of his chest, the way his throat bobbed when he swallowed hard. His hands were still working, fingers meticulously twisting wires and adjusting tiny stone components, but his knuckles had gone white again, and his breathing had grown noticeably deeper, more ragged.
You rested your palms on his thighs, feeling the heat radiating through the material, the faint tremble in his muscles that betrayed how much your presence was affecting him. The flickering lamplight painted everything in warm, intimate tones, highlighting the sharp cut of his jaw, the faint flush creeping up his neck, and the way his crimson eyes kept darting down to you despite his stubborn insistence on staying focused.
Senku’s voice came out lower than before, almost a growl. “I meant what I said… I’m not stopping.”
Yet even as he spoke, his body told a different story.
His thighs were tense beneath your palms, muscles taut and quivering with the effort of staying focused. You could see the subtle twitch in his jaw, the way his crimson eyes kept flicking downward despite how hard he tried to glue them to the half-finished phone on the workbench. The flickering lamplight danced across his flushed skin, highlighting the faint sheen of sweat along his neck and the rapid rise and fall of his chest.
Slowly, intimately, your hands slid upward from his thighs to the simple tie holding his pants in place. Your fingers worked with deliberate care, loosening the knot one loop at a time, savoring the way his breath stuttered when the fabric slackened. You tugged the waistband down just enough, peeling it away from his hips with gentle reverence, exposing the warm, smooth skin of his lower abdomen and the sharp V of his hips.
Senku’s voice came out strained, almost hoarse. “This is… completely inefficient,” he muttered, fingers still clumsily adjusting a wire even as his hips shifted forward just a fraction. “We’re in the middle of a war. I should be—ngh—focusing on the circuit, not… whatever this is.”
You didn’t answer with words right away. Instead, you hooked your fingers into the loosened fabric and eased his pants and undergarments lower, freeing him. His cock sprang out, already half-hard from your earlier teasing and the weight of your gaze. He was exactly as you remembered—thin but impressively long, with a graceful upward curve and a flushed, sensitive tip that glistened faintly under the warm light. You wrapped one hand around the base, feeling the velvety heat and the way he pulsed against your palm.
Senku let out a sharp exhale, his knuckles whitening on the edge of the workbench. “Listen… I’m serious,” he continued, voice rougher now, though he still refused to fully look away from his work. “There’s no time for distractions. The phone has to be operational before—”
“Then keep working,” you whispered softly, leaning in so your breath ghosted over his exposed length. Your fingers stroked him once, slow and feather-light from base to tip, feeling him harden fully in your grasp. “Ignore me, Senku. Focus on your precious circuit. That’s what you wanted, right?”
You looked up at him through your lashes, lips brushing teasingly against the underside of his cock as you spoke. “If you can.”
His crimson eyes finally snapped down to meet yours, dark and burning with a mix of frustration, arousal, and that brilliant, stubborn fire that made you love him so fiercely. His lips parted, another protest clearly forming on his tongue, but it dissolved into a quiet, shaky breath as your hand continued its slow, intimate strokes.
His crimson eyes finally snapped down to meet yours, dark and burning with a mix of frustration, arousal, and that brilliant, stubborn fire that made you love him so fiercely. His lips parted, another protest clearly forming on his tongue, but it dissolved into a quiet, shaky breath as your hand continued its slow, intimate strokes.
The lamplight painted everything in rich, intimate hues—warm amber glows flickering across the cluttered workbench, catching on the delicate copper wires and the faint sheen of sweat now glistening along Senku’s sharp collarbones. His white lab coat hung loosely off his shoulders, the fabric rumpled and stained from endless hours of work. Beneath it, his simple shirt clung to his lean chest, rising and falling faster with every labored breath. His green hair was a wild mess, damp strands plastered to his forehead, a few rebellious spikes falling into his crimson eyes that he kept desperately trying to fix back on the half-finished phone.
You stroked him with reverent slowness, your fingers wrapped snugly around his long, slender cock. Every glide was smooth and teasing—thumb circling the flushed, leaking tip before sliding back down to the base, feeling the way he throbbed hot and heavy against your palm. He was fully hard now, the elegant upward curve of his length twitching each time you squeezed gently at the head.
Senku let out a strained exhale through gritted teeth, forcing his gaze back to his project. His hands shook as he picked up a thin tool again, attempting to twist a tiny connection into place. “This is… ten billion percent… unproductive,” he rasped, voice hoarse and cracking at the edges. “We’re on the brink of war. Tsukasa could attack any day and I’m— fuck— I’m supposed to be finishing the transceiver, not… indulging in this kind of distraction…”
But his words were losing power. His hips twitched forward into your hand despite himself, seeking more friction. A visible bead of sweat trailed slowly down the side of his neck, disappearing beneath the collar of his shirt. The muscles in his forearms flexed and trembled as he gripped the workbench harder, his knuckles pale. You could see the internal war playing across his face—that brilliant mind fighting tooth and nail to stay focused on calculations while his body betrayed him completely.
You leaned in, letting your warm breath wash over his aching cock. You pressed a lingering, open-mouthed kiss right beneath the head, then dragged your tongue in one long, wet, torturous stripe from base to tip, savoring the salty, musky taste of him. Senku’s entire body jolted, a broken groan slipping past his lips before he could swallow it.
Still, he tried. He tried so hard.
His fingers fumbled with the wire, nearly dropping it. “Just… ignore it. I can… I can multitask. I’ve done worse under pressure—” His voice was growing thinner, breathier, the usual confident drawl completely shattered.
You looked up at him one last time, eyes locked with his as you parted your lips and slowly took him into your mouth.
The wet heat enveloped his sensitive tip first, then slid further down his long shaft, your tongue pressing flat against the underside. Senku absolutely broke.
A raw, guttural moan tore from deep in his chest—nothing like the controlled genius you knew. His head snapped back, green hair flying as his eyes squeezed shut for a moment before forcing themselves open again, staring down at you with wild, hazy intensity. His whole body shuddered violently, thighs tensing hard around you. One hand slammed down onto the workbench with a loud clatter, knocking over a small tool that rolled across the wood. The other gripped the edge so tightly you heard the wood creak under the pressure.
“Shit—!” he gasped, voice wrecked and breathless.
The sound sent a thrill through you, low and molten in your belly. Senku Ishigami—the man who had rebuilt science from nothing, who spoke in percentages and ten billion calculations—was falling apart under your mouth.
You took him deeper, slowly, savoring every inch of his long, slender cock as it slid across your tongue. He was so warm, so hard, the velvety skin pulsing against the roof of your mouth. You hollowed your cheeks gently, creating delicious suction as you drew back until only the flushed, leaking tip rested on your tongue. Then you sank down again, taking him further this time, until he bumped against the back of your throat.
Senku’s entire body reacted like you’d completed a circuit.
A deep, guttural groan ripped from his throat, raw and unrestrained. His hips jerked forward instinctively before he caught himself, muscles trembling with the effort of staying still. The workbench creaked under his white-knuckled grip. One of his tools clattered loudly to the floor, forgotten.
“Fuck… you’re really doing this now…” he hissed, trying to sound annoyed but only managing wrecked desperation. His crimson eyes were glued to you, half-lidded and glassy, the usual sharp intellect drowning in pleasure. Strands of messy green hair stuck to his forehead, damp with sweat. The flickering oil lamps cast shifting golden light across his face, highlighting the deep flush crawling down his neck and disappearing beneath his open lab coat.
You hummed around him in response, the vibration making his thighs twitch on either side of your shoulders. The earthy, musky taste of him filled your senses—salt and skin and that faint metallic trace from hours spent handling wires and tools. Your hands slid up his thighs, pushing his pants further down so you could grip the sharp cut of his hips, thumbs stroking the sensitive skin there.
Senku tried again. He always tried.
“Th-the frequency… needs to be… ah—shit—calibrated to 450 megahertz for proper transmission,” he muttered hoarsely, forcing his gaze back to the half-finished phone. His fingers fumbled blindly for the wires, shaking so badly he could barely hold them. “If I don’t get this right… Tsukasa’s empire will… will crush us before we even—”
You swallowed around him, taking him all the way to the back of your throat in one smooth, deliberate motion. Your nose brushed against the soft trail of hair at his base. Senku’s words dissolved into a choked moan, his head tipping back as his spine arched beautifully. The long column of his throat worked as he swallowed hard, Adam’s apple bobbing under glistening skin.
The lab felt smaller, hotter. The distant sounds of the Kingdom of Science outside—hammers striking stone, low voices planning for war—felt worlds away. Here, it was just the wet, obscene sounds of your mouth working him, the crackle of the oil lamps, and Senku’s broken breathing.
You began to move with more purpose, bobbing your head in a slow, steady rhythm. Each time you sank down, you swirled your tongue along the underside of his cock, paying special attention to the sensitive vein running its length. Each time you pulled back, you sucked gently on the head, licking away the steady beads of precum that kept spilling from his tip.
Senku was losing the battle.
His free hand finally abandoned the tools completely, threading into your hair instead. He didn’t push or pull—just held on, fingers trembling against your scalp like you were the only thing keeping him grounded to this world.
“Damn it… you’re too good at this,” he groaned, voice husky and low. “I should be working… ten billion percent sure this is going to delay the entire project by at least three hours… maybe four if you keep— fuck— doing that thing with your tongue—”
You did it again—pressing your tongue flat and dragging it firmly along the underside while sucking harder. Senku’s hips bucked, driving him a little deeper into your throat. A string of curses mixed with half-formed scientific terms spilled from his lips, his usual genius completely short-circuited.
You looked up at him through your lashes, eyes watering slightly but never breaking contact. The sight above you was breathtaking.
Senku’s lab coat had slipped further off one shoulder, exposing more of his flushed, lean chest. His sleeveless shirt was damp with sweat, clinging to every ridge of his abdomen as it flexed with each ragged breath. His crimson eyes were locked on your face now, unable to look away anymore. His lips were parted, swollen from biting them, and every few seconds another broken moan or gasp would escape.
The tension in his body was coiled so tightly you could feel it—thighs trembling, stomach muscles fluttering, cock throbbing heavily on your tongue. Yet even now, in the middle of falling apart, his other hand was still weakly trying to adjust something on the phone, refusing to admit total defeat.
You pulled off him for a moment with a wet pop, strings of saliva connecting your lips to his glistening cock. You stroked him firmly with your hand, twisting gently at the head the way you knew drove him crazy.
“Still trying to work?” you whispered, voice husky. “Then keep going, Senku. Don’t mind me.”
Before he could answer, you took him back into your mouth, even deeper this time, relaxing your throat and swallowing around him.
Senku’s moan was loud enough that you wondered if anyone outside might hear it. His head fell forward, forehead nearly resting on the workbench as pleasure finally began to overwhelm that brilliant, stubborn mind of his.
Senku’s moan was loud enough that you wondered if anyone outside might hear it. His head fell forward, forehead nearly resting on the workbench as pleasure finally began to overwhelm that brilliant, stubborn mind of his.
The sight of him like this—bent over his own creation, green hair spilling messily across the scattered tools and wires—sent heat pooling deep in your core. The oil lamps continued their soft, hypnotic dance, bathing his flushed skin in liquid gold and warm shadows. Sweat glistened along the elegant line of his neck, tracing slow paths down his throat before soaking into the collar of his rumpled lab coat. His shoulders heaved with every ragged breath, the fabric of his sleeveless shirt clinging transparently to the lean muscles of his back.
You didn’t let up. You took him deeper, relaxing your throat around his long, slender cock until your nose pressed against the soft skin at his base. The musky, salty taste of him coated your tongue completely. You swallowed around him, the tight, wet heat of your throat squeezing rhythmically as you hummed again, sending vibrations straight through his length.
“F-fuck…!” Senku choked out, his voice cracking beautifully. One of his hands was still weakly hovering over the phone prototype, fingers twitching as if trying to make one last adjustment, but the tool slipped from his grasp and rolled uselessly across the wooden surface. His other hand tightened in your hair, not guiding, just holding on desperately like you were his last anchor to sanity.
You began to move with more rhythm—slow, deep bobs of your head that let you savor every inch of him. Each time you pulled back, your tongue swirled around the sensitive head, lapping at the steady flow of precum that leaked from his slit. Each time you sank down, you took him to the hilt, letting the tight ring of your throat massage him. Your hands weren’t idle either; one stroked the base of his cock in time with your mouth while the other slid under his shirt, fingertips tracing the slick, heated skin of his abdomen, feeling every flutter and twitch of his muscles.
Senku’s hips started to rock shallowly, tiny, involuntary thrusts that betrayed how badly he wanted more. His usual composure was shattered. Broken whimpers and half-mumbled curses spilled from his lips between heavy pants.
“Should be… calculating resonance frequency… not… ah— not getting my cock sucked in the middle of a goddamn war…” he groaned, the words slurring together. His crimson eyes were barely open now, glazed over with raw lust as he stared down at you through messy strands of green hair. His cheeks were flushed a deep red, lips parted and swollen from how hard he’d been biting them earlier. Every time you swallowed around him, his thighs trembled violently on either side of you.
The lab felt impossibly intimate. The distant crackle of the fire in the corner forge mixed with the wet, filthy sounds of your mouth working him — soft gags, slick slurps, and Senku’s increasingly desperate moans. Outside, the night continued, but in here, time had narrowed to nothing but the taste of him, the weight of him on your tongue, and the way his body was slowly surrendering.
You could feel him getting closer.
His cock throbbed heavier against your tongue, the vein along the underside pulsing frantically. His breathing turned sharp and erratic, chest heaving as his abdomen clenched tight under your palm. His grip in your hair tightened almost painfully, and a low, continuous whine started building in the back of his throat.
You felt the telltale signs—the way his thighs started to shake uncontrollably, the way his cock swelled even harder in your mouth, the way his entire body coiled like a spring ready to snap.
And then you stopped.
You pulled off him slowly, deliberately, with one final, agonizingly soft lick along the underside of his throbbing length before pulling away completely. Cool night air replaced the wet heat of your mouth as you sat back on your heels, gazing up at him with calm, half-lidded eyes.
Senku’s whole body jolted at the sudden loss. A desperate, broken sound escaped him—half moan, half whimper.
“W-why’d you stop…?” he stuttered, voice hoarse and cracking. His crimson eyes were wide and hazy, pupils blown with overwhelming need. His cock, glistening with your saliva, twitched hard in the open air, flushed dark and leaking steadily. “I was… fuck, I was so close—”
He looked utterly wrecked. Forehead still pressed against the edge of the workbench, green hair a chaotic mess, sweat dripping down his temples. His chest heaved like he’d run a marathon, lab coat hanging off one shoulder, shirt plastered to his lean torso. The brilliant genius who commanded respect with a single smirk was gone—replaced by a needy, trembling man fighting to keep his hips from chasing your mouth.
You stayed kneeling between his legs, lips shiny and swollen. Your fingers traced feather-light patterns along his inner thighs, barely touching, just enough to make his skin twitch and jump. You dragged your nails gently over his hip bones, then up the sharp lines of his abdomen, feeling the muscles flutter desperately under your touch. You leaned in close enough that he could feel the warmth of your breath against his aching cock, but never made contact.
“You wanted me to stop, right?” you whispered softly, voice sweet and teasing. “So you could focus on your work? The phone? The war? All those important calculations?”
Senku let out a shaky, frustrated exhale, forehead rubbing against the wood. “Well… yes— I mean, obviously that’s what I said, but—” His words dissolved into a quiet whine as your fingertips ghosted along the base of his cock, tracing the vein there without any pressure. “Please… don’t do this right now. You can’t just— ah— leave me like this…”
His hips twitched forward instinctively, trying to seek more friction, but you pulled your hand back just enough to keep the touch maddeningly light. You brushed your lips against the side of his length in the softest kiss, then moved away again, repeating the cycle — always close, always warm, but never enough.
You looked up at him with a gentle but firm expression. “Then swear it, Senku. Swear you’ll rest after this. No more all-night sessions. No more pushing until you collapse. You’ll take a proper break tonight—eat, sleep, let your brilliant mind recover. Or I stop here.”
He groaned, long and low, the sound vibrating through his chest. His hand was still tangled loosely in your hair, trembling.
“Ten billion percent… unfair,” he muttered, voice whiny in a way you rarely heard from him. “You’re weaponizing my own biology against me… But fine— fuck, yes, I swear. I’ll rest. I’ll take a break. Just— please, don’t stop now. I need you. I’m losing my mind here…”
His crimson eyes were pleading now, half-lidded and desperate as they stared down at you. His cock continued to throb visibly, flushed and painfully hard, a fresh bead of precum sliding down the side.
You smiled softly, pressing one last feather-light kiss right beneath the head of his cock, feeling him shudder violently at even that small contact.
“Good,” you murmured against his heated skin.
Senku shivered hard at the praise, a full-body tremor that made his lean thighs flex around you. You felt the way his muscles jumped under your palms, the barely-contained desperation radiating off him in waves. The flickering oil lamps painted him in such exquisite detail—golden light sliding over the sharp ridges of his collarbones, the faint sheen of sweat making his pale skin glow like polished marble. His lab coat had completely slipped off one shoulder now, hanging crookedly like a forgotten accessory, while his sleeveless shirt clung damply to every subtle contour of his chest and abdomen.
You didn’t make him wait any longer.
Leaning forward, you took him back into your mouth in one smooth, deep motion. The wet heat enveloped his long, slender length once more, your lips stretching around him as you sank down until your nose brushed against the soft skin at his base. Senku’s reaction was immediate and devastating.
A broken, keening moan tore from his throat, louder than before. His head fell back, exposing the elegant column of his throat as it worked frantically. “Yes— fuck, yes—” he gasped, voice completely wrecked, all traces of his usual scientific detachment gone.
You began moving with purpose now, no longer teasing. Your head bobbed in a steady, sensual rhythm, taking him deep every time, letting the tight squeeze of your throat massage his sensitive head. The obscene, wet sounds filled the small lab—soft gags when you took him particularly deep, the slick glide of your tongue, the quiet creak of the workbench as Senku’s grip tightened on its edge.
His hand in your hair trembled, fingers flexing restlessly against your scalp but never forcing you. He was still trying, in his own stubborn way, to maintain some semblance of control. His other hand weakly hovered near the phone prototype, fingers brushing uselessly against a wire before dropping again as another wave of pleasure crashed through him.
“You’re… so warm,” he slurred, crimson eyes half-lidded and glassy as they stared down at you. “So fucking good— I can’t— ngh— can’t think straight…”
The sight of him was intoxicating. Messy green hair plastered to his forehead. Cheeks flushed a deep crimson. Lips parted, swollen and shiny, letting out a constant stream of broken moans, gasps, and half-mumbled curses mixed with fragments of scientific nonsense that made no sense anymore. His narrow hips twitched and rolled shallowly, chasing the perfect heat of your mouth as sweat continued to roll down his neck and chest.
You poured everything into it—sucking harder on the upstroke, swirling your tongue around his leaking tip, then relaxing your throat to take him to the hilt again. One of your hands stroked what your mouth couldn’t reach, twisting gently at the base, while the other slipped further under his shirt, nails lightly scratching along his abdomen and up to his chest, teasing a sensitive nipple.
Senku arched into your touch with a whimper, his spine curving beautifully. The lab felt alive with heat and tension. The distant crackle of the forge fire, the soft night breeze rustling the cloth door, the occasional murmur of voices outside—all of it faded into background noise. There was only Senku: his taste, his scent, the way his cock pulsed heavier and heavier on your tongue, the way his thighs shook violently around your shoulders.
His breathing grew faster, more desperate. Short, sharp gasps mixed with deep, guttural groans. You could feel him getting close again—the way his cock swelled even more in your mouth, the frantic twitching, the way his abdomen clenched tight under your palm.
“Close— I’m so close—” he warned, voice hoarse and trembling. His fingers tightened in your hair, not pushing, just holding on as if you were the only thing keeping him from falling apart completely. “Please— don’t stop this time— I’ll rest, I swear, just let me— ah—!”
His crimson eyes locked onto yours, hazy, desperate, and completely vulnerable in a way only you ever got to see. The brilliant mind of Senku Ishigami had finally surrendered to you.
His crimson eyes locked onto yours, hazy, desperate, and completely vulnerable in a way only you ever got to see. The brilliant mind of Senku Ishigami had finally surrendered to you.
That look alone sent a rush of heat through your entire body. You held his gaze as you took him even deeper, sucking with renewed intensity while your tongue pressed firmly along the throbbing vein underneath. Senku’s moan fractured into something raw and beautiful — a long, shuddering sound that echoed softly in the quiet lab.
His hips stuttered forward, chasing the wet heat of your mouth as his control finally snapped. “I’m— I’m coming— fuck—!”
His entire body seized up.
You felt it all at once: the violent twitch of his long cock against your tongue, the way it swelled impossibly harder in your mouth, the sudden, rhythmic pulsing as he spilled deep down your throat. Thick, hot pulses of his release coated your tongue in heavy spurts. Senku’s head fell back with a broken cry, green hair flying wildly as his spine arched sharply. The tendons in his neck stood out in stark relief, glistening with sweat under the warm glow of the oil lamps.
You swallowed around him greedily, milking every last drop as his thighs shook uncontrollably around your shoulders. His fingers tightened almost painfully in your hair, holding you close as wave after wave crashed through him. Low, wrecked groans spilled from his lips with every pulse—nothing like his usual calm, calculated tone. Just pure, overwhelmed pleasure.
The sight of him was breathtaking.
His lab coat had fallen completely off one arm now, hanging limply from his elbow. His sleeveless shirt was soaked through, clinging to every lean line of his chest and the faint ridges of his abdomen that kept clenching with each aftershock. Sweat trailed down his temples, his jaw, his neck—making his flushed skin shimmer in the flickering light. His crimson eyes were barely open, rolled back slightly in ecstasy before fluttering shut again, long lashes casting shaky shadows on his cheeks.
For several long seconds, the only sounds in the lab were Senku’s ragged breathing and the wet, intimate noises of you swallowing and gently sucking him through the aftershocks. His cock continued to twitch weakly on your tongue, oversensitive and still leaking the last few drops of his release.
Finally, his grip in your hair loosened. His body slumped heavily against the workbench, forehead pressing against the cool wood as he gasped for air. The half-finished phone sat forgotten beside his trembling hand, wires and tools scattered from where he’d knocked them aside in his pleasure.
You pulled off him slowly, placing one last gentle kiss to the flushed tip before tucking him carefully back into his pants. Then you rose to your feet, sliding your hands up his body as you went—feeling the rapid flutter of his heartbeat, the heat of his skin, the way his muscles still twitched under your touch.
Senku didn’t move for a long moment. His eyes were still closed, chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. When he finally lifted his head to look at you, his usual sharp smirk was nowhere to be found. Instead, there was a soft, exhausted, almost dazed expression on his face—crimson eyes heavy-lidded and warm.
“…You’re dangerous,” he muttered hoarsely, voice completely shot. A weak, breathless chuckle escaped him. “Ten billion percent sure you just short-circuited my brain for at least the next hour…”
He reached out with a shaky hand, brushing his thumb across your swollen bottom lip, wiping away a stray trace of his release. His touch was surprisingly gentle, almost reverent. The distant sounds of the Kingdom of Science outside slowly filtered back in—soft voices, crackling fires, the night wind—but inside the lab, the air still felt thick and intimate, wrapped around just the two of you.
You smiled softly at his words, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to his sweaty forehead. “Good. You needed that.”
Senku let out a tired, breathless huff of a laugh, but he didn’t argue. His body was still trembling faintly with aftershocks, so you took charge. You reached for a nearby clean cloth you’d spotted earlier on one of the shelves and carefully wiped the sweat from his face, neck, and chest with slow, tender strokes. He sighed deeply, eyes slipping shut again as he leaned into your touch.
You helped him sit down properly on the sturdy wooden stool beside the workbench, guiding him with gentle hands on his shoulders. His legs were still shaky. Once he was seated, you tucked him back into his pants more securely and straightened his rumpled lab coat, pulling it back over his shoulders. Then you grabbed the small waterskin hanging nearby and brought it to his lips.
“Here. Drink,” you murmured.
Senku obeyed without complaint—a rare sight—taking slow sips while you ran your fingers through his messy green hair, pushing the damp strands away from his forehead. The oil lamps continued casting their warm, golden glow over both of you, softening every sharp edge of his exhausted face. Up close, you could see every detail: the faint freckles across his nose that only appeared after long days in the sun, the tiny scar near his left eyebrow from an early Stone World experiment, and the way his long lashes fluttered against his cheeks every time he blinked slowly.
You stayed close, standing between his legs as he drank, your hands gently massaging his scalp and the back of his neck. The lab felt peaceful now, almost sacred—just the two of you wrapped in the quiet afterglow while the rest of the Kingdom of Science moved outside.
After a few minutes, Senku finally spoke, voice still rough and low. “…How long have we been doing this whole thing again?”
You let out a soft laugh, continuing to card your fingers through his hair. “Almost a year now. Hard to believe, isn’t it?”
He hummed, tilting his head to rest against your stomach, eyes half-closed. “A year of sneaking around like this… I’m not even ten billion percent sure no one’s caught on yet.”
You glanced toward the cloth door of the lab, listening to the distant sounds of people still working and talking outside. “….Do you think they heard us tonight?” you asked quietly, a hint of amusement in your voice.
Senku’s lips curved into a tired but genuine smirk. “I hope not. I want those sounds all to myself.”
You raised an eyebrow, still gently stroking his hair. “You’ve kept that sound all to yourself for about a year now.”
“Well, yeah,” he replied, voice lazy and content as he nuzzled closer. “Call me selfish, but I don’t need the entire Kingdom of Science knowing what you do to me. Especially not while we’re in the middle of trying to win a war with science and a phone that still isn’t finished.”
There was a comfortable silence for a moment. You kept running your fingers through his hair, occasionally tracing the shell of his ear or the line of his jaw. Senku’s breathing had finally evened out, the deep exhaustion in his body starting to show now that the adrenaline of his release had faded.
“You really do push yourself too hard,” you whispered, pressing another kiss to the top of his head. “I worry about you, Senku.”
He was quiet for a beat, then sighed. “I know. But someone has to. Tsukasa isn’t going to wait around while I take naps.” He tilted his head up to look at you, crimson eyes softer than usual. “Still… I did promise I’d rest tonight. And I don’t break promises to you.”
You smiled warmly, cupping his cheek. “Good. Because I’m not letting you back on that workbench until you’ve eaten something and slept at least five hours.”
Senku groaned dramatically, but there was no real fight left in him. “Tyrant,” he muttered fondly, turning his face to press a lazy kiss against your palm. “Guess I can live with that… for tonight.”
The two of you stayed like that for a while longer—tangled in quiet intimacy, the weight of the hidden relationship and the looming war feeling just a little lighter in the warm glow of the lab.
⬩➤ details: sfw, angst, lovers in the 40s, half-asgardian reader, bucky comes back as the winter soldier emotional hurt, tragic romance, doomed love, grieving, hurt/no comfort, mention of murder, depiction of violence, mention of guns and daggers, he remembers but he doesn't, everyone is miserable here
⬩➤ wordcount: 10.2k
⬩➤ note: was lowk so nervous to write this but it actually turned out pretty good (I think idk I'm not good at writing angst), please tell me if theres any grammar mistakes or anything I should edit/improve. anw, happy reading!
⬩➤ synopsis:
Decades after the war stole James Buchanan Barnes from you, you’re still haunted by the life you were supposed to have together—the music-filled nights in Brooklyn, the promises beneath winter stars, the trip to the Hollywood Palladium that never came. But when you encounter a deadly ghost known as the Winter Soldier in the snowy shadows of Eastern Europe, buried memories begin to surface, forcing both of you to confront a love neither time, war, nor Hydra could fully erase.
The old record player hummed softly in the corner of the cramped Brooklyn apartment, its needle crackling like warm static before Glenn Miller’s orchestra swelled into “Moonlight Serenade.” Golden lamplight bathed the room in a honeyed glow, catching on the chipped paint of the walls and the faded floral curtains that fluttered whenever the November wind pressed against the windowpanes. The air smelled of fresh coffee, Bucky’s cologne, and the faint hint of Steve’s charcoal pencils.
You were curled against Bucky on the sagging couch, your head tucked beneath his chin, his left arm wrapped loosely around your shoulders. His fingers traced slow, absent patterns along your sleeve, warm even through the fabric. Across from you, Steve sat hunched in the worn armchair, sketchbook resting on one knee, the scratch of charcoal soft beneath the music.
“Pass me another one of those cookies, would ya?” Bucky asked, voice low and lazy. You felt the words rumble through his chest as he reached for the plate on the coffee table without waiting. “Ma sent ‘em over this morning. Said if I didn’t share with you two, she’d box my ears.”
You laughed quietly and tilted your head to watch him. “You’ve already eaten half the plate, Buck.”
“Exactly. Gotta make sure they’re good before I let you have any, darlin’.” He broke off a piece and held it to your lips with a playful glint in his stormy blue eyes. When you took it, he grinned, thumb brushing the corner of your mouth. “See? Perfect.”
Steve snorted without looking up from his drawing. “You two are sickening. I’m trying to sketch over here and you’re feeding each other like it’s the pictures.”
“Jealous, punk?” Bucky shot back, smirking. He shifted slightly so you could settle more comfortably against him, his hand sliding down to rest at your waist. “Not my fault I’ve got the prettiest girl in all of Brooklyn. You should try smiling at girls once in a while instead of hiding behind that sketchbook.”
Steve’s ears turned pink, but he smiled. “Some of us are busy drawing the future, not charming every dame from here to Coney Island.”
You smiled, reaching over to steal a sip of Bucky’s coffee. It was sweet, just how he liked it. The music wrapped around the three of you like a soft blanket—brass and strings gliding through the room while the radiator clanked gently in the corner. Snow had started falling outside, tiny white flakes drifting past the streetlamp visible through the gap in the curtains. Inside, everything felt safe. Warm. Yours.
Bucky chuckled, the sound rumbling pleasantly under your cheek. The three of you had spent so many nights like this—music playing, snow falling outside, the radiator clanking steadily in the corner. It felt like the whole world shrank down to this warm, lamplit room.
After a comfortable lull, Bucky tilted his head, looking at you with open fondness. “You know, sometimes I still can’t believe it. I’m dating a half-Asgardian who’s probably older than my grandparents, and you still let me hold you like this.” His fingers slipped into your hair, gently playing with the strands. “You could be off in some golden palace right now instead of stuck in this tiny apartment with two broke knuckleheads from Brooklyn.”
You laughed softly and tilted your face up to meet his gaze. “Golden halls get old after the first few centuries, Buckaroo. I like it here. Midgard feels more real. More alive.” Your hand found his, fingers intertwining. “Besides, you and Steve are the best part of this realm. I chose this life a long time ago. I’d choose it again.”
Steve glanced up from his sketch with a small, warm smile. “Still kinda wild to think about sometimes. Gods walking around down here. But you’re one of us now.”
“Damn right she is,” Bucky said, voice dropping softer as he looked at you. His stormy blue eyes held that quiet intensity that always made your chest ache in the best way. He leaned down and pressed a slow, lingering kiss to your forehead, then another to your temple. “Best decision you ever made, sweetheart. Staying here with me.”
The music swelled gently around you—brass and strings gliding through the warm air. Snow continued to fall outside, silent and peaceful, while inside everything felt golden. Bucky’s heartbeat was steady under your ear, his arm secure around your waist, and Steve’s quiet scratching resumed. The scent of coffee and cookies lingered. For tonight, the war felt impossibly far away.
You closed your eyes, letting the music and Bucky’s warmth wrap around you like a promise.
You would never choose another life.
This was home.
And you never wanted to leave.
The apartment felt smaller the next evening, as if the walls themselves were closing in. Billie Holiday’s voice drifted from the record player—low, velvet, and aching—singing about things that slip through your fingers no matter how tightly you hold on. A single warm lamp glowed in the corner, but it did little to chase away the quiet heaviness that had settled over everything.
You sat on the edge of Bucky’s bed, hands folded tightly in your lap, eyes fixed on the draft letter lying open on the table. The official stamp and typed words looked too harsh under the light. Snow fell steadily outside the window, muffling the city sounds, while the radiator gave its usual tired clanks.
Bucky stood near the dresser for a long moment, then slowly crossed the room. He didn’t say anything at first. He simply reached for your hands and drew you up into his arms, wrapping them around you with a care that felt almost fragile. You pressed your face into his chest, breathing him in, memorizing the steady thump of his heart and the way his shirt smelled of soap and home.
“I got the notice yesterday,” he said quietly, voice barely above Billie’s crooning. His hand rubbed slow, soothing strokes along your back. “They want me in three weeks.”
You felt the words sink into your bones. For a moment you couldn’t speak. You’d watched mortals live and die for centuries, but the thought of this man—your Bucky—being taken away made something ancient and deep inside you tremble.
“I wish we had more time,” you whispered against him, your voice cracking just slightly. Your arms tightened around his waist. “Just… a little more time, Buck.”
He let out a shaky breath and rested his cheek on top of your head. “I know, sweetheart. God, I know.” His hold on you grew a fraction tighter, careful, like he was afraid you might disappear if he squeezed too hard. “I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you since yesterday. Didn’t want to ruin last night, not when everything felt so perfect.”
You pulled back just enough to look at him. His stormy blue eyes were softer than usual, filled with a sadness he was trying hard to gentle for your sake. He brushed a strand of hair from your face with trembling fingers.
“I don’t want you worrying yourself sick while I’m gone,” he murmured. “But I— I’m scared too, darlin’. Not of fighting, exactly. Just of leaving you here alone.” He swallowed hard. “You’ve already lived so long. You could have anyone, anything. Yet you chose me. A regular guy from Brooklyn.”
Your eyes stung. You reached up and cupped his face, thumbs tracing his cheekbones as if you could commit every detail to memory.
“I’d choose you in every lifetime, James,” you said softly. “Asgard, Midgard, it doesn’t matter. This is the only life I want. The one with you in it.”
Bucky’s breath hitched. He leaned down and kissed you—slow, deep, and heartbreakingly tender. There was no hunger in it, only love and quiet desperation, like he was pouring every unsaid word into the press of his lips. When he pulled away, he rested his forehead against yours, eyes closed.
“I’ll come back to you,” he whispered, voice rough. “I promise I’ll try with everything I’ve got. And when I do… we’ll go to the Hollywood Palladium like you’ve always wanted. We’ll dance until our feet hurt. No more waiting.” His voice grew even quieter. “Just… wait for me, honey. Please.”
You nodded, tears slipping free now. “I’ll wait. As long as it takes. Just come home to me, Buck. That’s all I ask.”
He held you close again, swaying slightly with you to Billie Holiday’s mournful melody. The snow kept falling outside, soft and indifferent, while inside the two of you clung to each other like the world might try to tear you apart.
You would never choose another life.
But right now, this one hurt more than you knew how to say.
The rooftop of your Brooklyn apartment building had become your quiet refuge in the weeks since Bucky left. Tonight, the city below felt distant and muffled under a fresh blanket of snow. You had dragged the old metal chair up here again, along with two thick wool blankets—one beneath you, one wrapped tightly around your shoulders. The cold December air nipped at your exposed skin, but you barely noticed. Half-Asgardian blood ran warmer than most. What hurt more than the winter chill was the empty space beside you.
You sat with your knees drawn up, Bucky’s latest letter clutched carefully in your gloved hands. The paper was already worn soft at the creases from how often you’d read it. A single lantern you’d brought up cast a weak golden circle of light, just enough to make out his handwriting. Above you, the stars stretched endlessly across the clear night sky—sharp, glittering pinpricks of light that felt both beautiful and cruel in their permanence.
With a slow breath, you unfolded the letter again.
“My dearest sweetheart,
God, I miss you. The nights here are longer than I thought they could be. Everything’s loud and chaotic during the day, but when it gets quiet… that’s when it hits me hardest. I keep thinking about our Fridays in the apartment. Glenn Miller playing, Steve pretending not to watch us, you laughing at my terrible jokes. I’d give anything to be back there right now, holding you on that old couch.”
A sad, soft laugh slipped from your lips. You could almost hear his voice—warm, teasing, that unmistakable Brooklyn accent. Your thumb brushed gently over the ink as you kept reading.
“Steve’s doing okay. Still too stubborn for his own good. Yesterday he tried to stand up to some bigmouth twice his size. I had to pull him back before he got himself flattened. Reminded me of you telling me I worry too much. Funny how roles change, huh?”
You smiled, the kind of smile that trembled at the edges. A quiet, heartbroken little laugh followed as you pictured the scene—Bucky grabbing Steve by the collar, exasperated but fond. Your eyes stung.
The letter continued:
“I keep my promise close, honey. When I come home, I’m taking you to the Hollywood Palladium. No excuses. You’ll wear that red dress that makes my knees weak, and I’ll spin you around the dance floor until they have to kick us out at sunrise. I’ll try real hard not to step on your toes… but no guarantees. You know how I am when I’ve got my best girl in my arms. Wait for me, darlin’. I’m fighting like hell to get back to you. You’re the reason I’m coming home.”
You pressed the letter to your chest, eyes fluttering shut as another soft, aching laugh escaped you. It wasn’t happy—it was the sad kind that came when joy and pain twisted together so tightly you couldn’t tell them apart. Tears slipped down your cheeks, warm against the cold night air.
“I miss you so much, Buck,” you whispered up at the stars. “The apartment feels too big without you. Too quiet. I keep putting on our records and turning them off halfway through because it hurts too much.”
Memories flooded in unbidden. Lazy nights on the couch with his arm around you. The way he’d spin you around the tiny kitchen while music played. How he’d call you “sweetheart” and “honey” and “darlin’” like they were your actual names. You could still feel the ghost of his lips on your temple, the steady beat of his heart under your ear.
You opened your eyes and gazed back up at the stars, the vast darkness stretching endlessly above. You had watched these same stars for centuries. From Asgard’s golden balconies to quiet Midgard rooftops. They never changed. But Bucky… he was mortal. Bright and warm and fleeting like a shooting star.
“I’m trying to adjust to you not being here,” you said softly, voice barely louder than the gentle wind. “But it feels impossible. Every corner of this city reminds me of you. Every song. Every snowfall.”
You reread the Palladium promise one more time, tracing the words with a gloved finger. The paper smelled faintly like him—or maybe you were imagining it.
“You better keep that promise, James Buchanan Barnes,” you murmured, a watery smile on your lips. “I’ll wear the red dress. I’ll dance with you until dawn. Just… come home. Please come home to me.”
The stars twinkled on, ancient and indifferent. You folded the letter with reverent care and held it against your heart, letting the quiet night wrap around you. The ache in your chest felt endless, but so did your love.
You would never choose another life.
Even if this one meant learning how to live with the empty space he left behind.
The apartment felt like a tomb.
Late afternoon light filtered weakly through the lace curtains, casting long, pale shadows across the wooden floorboards that creaked under even the smallest movement. Dust motes danced lazily in the slanted beams, swirling like tiny ghosts. The air was cold and still. You hadn’t bothered to light the radiator properly today, and the chill had crept in, settling deep into the corners of the room where warmth used to live.
You moved slowly, almost mechanically, carrying a fresh pot of coffee to the small kitchen table. The porcelain mug felt heavy in your hands. Everything felt heavier lately. You sat down in the wooden chair Bucky used to occupy, the one that still had his favorite blue cushion. The fabric still carried the faintest trace of his cologne if you pressed your face into it long enough—though that scent was fading faster every day.
With a quiet sigh, you unfolded the newspaper Steve had brought by earlier. The front page was dominated by bold black headlines about the war, victory overseas, and the latest updates from the European theater. Your eyes skimmed the columns out of habit more than interest, searching for anything that might mention the 107th Infantry Regiment. You always looked for his name. Even when there was nothing, you looked.
Then your gaze caught on a smaller article near the bottom of the second page.
“Sergeant James B. Barnes, 107th Infantry, Presumed Dead After Mission in the Alps.”
The words blurred.
You stared at them, unblinking, as the coffee in your mug grew cold. The printed letters seemed to throb on the yellowed paper. Presumed Dead. The room around you grew unnaturally quiet—even the distant sounds of Brooklyn traffic seemed to fade away, as if the entire world had taken a breath and forgotten to release it.
“No,” you whispered, voice barely audible.
Your fingers tightened on the edges of the newspaper until the paper crinkled sharply. This wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. Bucky—your Bucky—with his easy laugh, his warm hands, his ridiculous promises about the Hollywood Palladium… he couldn’t just be gone. Not like this. Not when you still had his last letter folded carefully in the drawer beside your bed. Not when the red dress you’d bought specifically for your reunion still hung in the closet, unworn.
You read the article again. And then a third time. Each word felt like a blade sliding between your ribs.
“…fell from the train during a mission to capture Hydra operatives… body unrecovered due to treacherous terrain and extreme weather conditions… Sergeant Barnes displayed extraordinary valor…”
Your chest constricted painfully. A strange, hollow ringing started in your ears. You were half-Asgardian. You had watched stars burn out and empires crumble. You had lived through centuries of human grief. But this—this sharp, vicious pain ripping through your ancient heart—felt entirely new.
“He’s not dead,” you said aloud to the empty apartment, voice cracking. The words echoed off the silent walls. “He can’t be. They didn’t find a body. He’s… he’s probably just missing. He’ll turn up. He always turns up.”
A weak, disbelieving laugh escaped your lips—the same sad, broken sound you’d made on the rooftop while reading his letters. You pressed a hand to your mouth, trying to hold it back, but it spilled out anyway, turning into something closer to a sob.
The love of your life could not die on some frozen mountain in Europe while you sat here drinking cold coffee in a quiet Brooklyn apartment. It was impossible. The universe wouldn’t be that cruel.
You stood up so suddenly the chair scraped loudly against the floor. The newspaper slipped from your fingers and fluttered to the ground like a dying bird. You walked to the window on unsteady legs and pressed your forehead against the cool glass, staring out at the snow-covered street where Bucky used to walk you home.
“Come on, Buck,” you whispered, breath fogging the pane. “You promised me. You promised the Palladium. You promised me a lifetime.”
Tears slipped silently down your cheeks, hot and relentless. Outside, the winter sky was turning a bruised shade of purple as evening settled in. The city moved on, indifferent.
But inside your small apartment, time had stopped completely.
You refused to believe it.
You couldn’t believe it.
Not yet.
Not yet.
The denial burned through you like fire in your veins. You couldn’t sit here any longer, surrounded by these four walls that still carried echoes of his laughter. You needed air. You needed Steve. He would know what to do. He had been there. He would tell you this was all a mistake.
Your hands moved frantically as you grabbed your heavy winter coat from the hook by the door, fingers fumbling with the buttons. The red scarf Bucky had given you two Christmases ago was still hanging there—you wrapped it around your neck without thinking, breathing in the faint trace of him that still clung to the wool. Your boots were pulled on in a blur. The apartment door slammed shut behind you harder than you meant it to, the sound cracking through the quiet hallway like a gunshot.
You raced down the narrow wooden stairs, nearly slipping on the last step, and burst out into the freezing Brooklyn evening. The cold hit you like a slap, sharp and unforgiving. Snow was falling again in thick, heavy flakes, swirling through the golden cones of light beneath the streetlamps. The streets were slick with ice and slush, but you didn’t slow down. Your breath came out in desperate white clouds as you ran, coat flapping open behind you.
The city blurred around you—the familiar row houses with their flickering windows, the corner deli where Bucky used to buy you warm pretzels, the alley where he’d first kissed you under the glow of a flickering neon sign. Everything reminded you of him. Every corner, every shadow, every sound of distant laughter felt like a knife twisting deeper.
“Come on, come on,” you whispered under your breath, boots pounding against the snowy sidewalk. Your heart hammered wildly in your chest, ancient Asgardian strength pushing you faster than any human could run. Snowflakes caught in your lashes and melted against your tear-streaked cheeks. The wind howled between the buildings, whipping your hair across your face, but you barely felt it.
Steve’s apartment building came into view at the end of the block—the old brick building with the crooked fire escape he always complained about. You took the front steps two at a time, nearly colliding with an older neighbor who muttered something in surprise. You didn’t stop to apologize.
Your fist pounded desperately on Steve’s door, the sound echoing down the empty hallway.
“Steve!” Your voice cracked, raw and broken. “Steve, please—open the door!”
You kept knocking, harder this time, until your knuckles ached. The newspaper article burned in your mind like a brand. Presumed Dead. The words repeated over and over, louder than the roaring in your ears.
The door finally swung open.
Steve stood there in a worn sweater, eyes already red-rimmed and exhausted. The moment he saw your face—wild, tear-stained, desperate—his expression crumpled.
He knew.
You didn’t even wait for him to speak. You stepped forward and collapsed into his arms, a sob tearing free from your throat as the weight of the news finally crashed over you completely.
Steve caught you without hesitation, his arms banding around you like iron despite how frail he still looked. He pulled you inside, kicking the door shut behind you with his foot. The small apartment swallowed you both in its dim, mournful quiet. Weak gray light struggled through the frost-laced windows, casting long, melancholy shadows across the wooden floors. The air smelled of stale coffee, charcoal dust, and the faint metallic tang of winter seeping in through the cracks. The radiator hissed weakly in the corner, fighting a losing battle against the cold.
A broken sound ripped out of you—raw, ancient, and devastating—as your legs gave out. Steve lowered both of you to the threadbare couch, never once letting go. You clung to him desperately, fingers twisting into the fabric of his sweater as violent sobs wracked your entire body. Each cry felt like it was being torn from somewhere deep inside your centuries-old soul.
“I can’t— Steve, I can’t breathe,” you gasped, voice shattered. “They said he’s dead. Bucky… he’s gone.”
Steve’s breath hitched violently. His thin frame trembled against yours as he buried his face in your hair, his own tears falling hot and fast onto your shoulder. “I’m sorry,” he choked out, the words thick with guilt and grief. “I’m so goddamn sorry. I was right there. I should have saved him.”
The two of you held each other through the storm, bodies shaking with the force of your shared mourning. Outside, the wind howled between the brick buildings like a grieving widow, rattling the windowpanes. Snow fell in thick, relentless sheets, blanketing the world in cold silence while inside, your pain filled every corner of the room.
Steve’s voice cracked as the memories poured out of him. “It was chaos on that mountain. The wind was screaming, snow blinding us. We were trying to stop Hydra’s train. Bucky was fighting like hell—protecting me, like always.” His grip on you tightened, fingers digging into your coat. “I saw him hanging from the side of the train. I reached for him. Our hands were inches apart. I screamed his name until my throat was raw… but the snow, the speed, my fucking weak body— I couldn’t reach him. He fell. Into nothing but white and rock and ice.”
A fresh wave of agony tore through you. You pulled back just enough to see Steve’s face—his eyes swollen and bloodshot, cheeks wet with tears, expression haunted by a guilt that looked like it was carving him hollow from the inside.
“It should have been me,” Steve whispered brokenly. “He had you waiting for him. He had a future. All I had was the war. If I had been stronger, faster… if I hadn’t needed him to keep saving me—” His voice dissolved into harsh, gut-wrenching sobs. “He’s my brother. And I let him fall.”
“No,” you cried, cupping his tear-stained face with trembling hands. “Don’t you dare. He loved you, Steve. He would’ve followed you into hell a thousand times. This isn’t your fault.” Your own tears wouldn’t stop, sliding down your cheeks in endless rivers. “But God… it hurts so much. The apartment is so empty. His side of the bed is still made. His records are still on the shelf. I keep expecting him to walk through the door, call me ‘sweetheart,’ and pull me into his arms like he always did.”
Steve let out a pained sound and pulled you back against his chest, rocking you gently as you both cried. The sound of your grief filled the small space—ugly, honest, and unrelenting. You mourned the man who had made your immortal life feel finite and precious. Steve mourned the best friend who had stood by him through every sickness, every bully, every hopeless dream.
Minutes stretched into what felt like hours. The sky outside darkened to deep indigo as night claimed Brooklyn. The snow kept falling, burying the streets in white, erasing footprints the way death had tried to erase Bucky.
Eventually, your sobs quieted into exhausted, trembling breaths. Steve’s hand stroked through your hair, slow and soothing, the same way Bucky used to do.
“I miss him,” you whispered into the wet fabric of his sweater. “I miss him so much it feels like I’m dying too.”
“I know,” Steve breathed. “Me too.”
Just a few moments ago, you would’ve never chosen another life.
But right now, you wished you could live another. One where he was still alive, hugging you both right now, laughing that bright, beautiful laugh that could light up the darkest winter night.
The apartment was a ghost of what it used to be.
You stood in the doorway for a long moment, snow still clinging to your coat from the walk home, staring at the space that once felt like the warmest place on Midgard. Months had passed since that terrible day—since the newspaper article, since Steve’s broken sobs, since the world had the audacity to keep turning without Bucky in it. And still, nothing felt real.
The golden lamplight you used to love now looked sickly and dim. It barely reached the corners of the room, leaving deep pools of shadow where laughter used to live. The faded floral curtains hung limp and still, no longer fluttering from Bucky’s energetic movements or the way he’d throw the window open on warm evenings. The air was cold and stale, carrying only the faint scent of dust and old wood. The radiator clanked occasionally, but its heat felt weak and useless, like it too had given up.
There was no music.
That was what hurt the most.
No Glenn Miller spinning on the record player. No Billie Holiday’s smoky voice wrapping around the walls. No Bucky humming off-key while he cooked or danced you around the tiny kitchen with his hands on your waist. The silence was deafening—a heavy, suffocating quiet that pressed down on your chest until every breath felt like an effort.
The old record player sat silent in the corner, covered by a thin layer of dust. You hadn’t touched it in months. The thought of filling the room with those swinging brass melodies without Bucky’s arms around you, without his laughter rumbling against your ear, felt unbearable. Despite being deafening, the silence was easier. At least it didn’t lie to you.
Your eyes drifted to the old armchair in the corner. Bucky’s favorite brown leather jacket was still thrown carelessly over the back of it, exactly where he’d left it the last time he stayed over before shipping out. The sleeve hung down like it was reaching for something. You hadn’t been able to move it. Not once. Sometimes you caught yourself walking past it just to brush your fingers over the worn leather, imagining it still carried his warmth.
You slowly shrugged off your coat and let it fall onto the couch. The sound it made was too loud in the emptiness. Crossing the room, you sank down into the chair opposite his jacket, staring at it like it might suddenly come to life and smile at you with that crooked, heart-stopping grin.
“Why can’t I stop missing you?” you whispered into the quiet.
Months. It had been months. You had lived through centuries of human history—wars, plagues, the rise and fall of kingdoms—yet the absence of one Brooklyn boy was unraveling you in ways nothing else ever had. Every morning you woke up reaching for him. Every night you lay in bed staring at the ceiling, replaying his voice calling you “sweetheart,” “darlin’,” “honey.” The red dress still hung in the closet, untouched. His spare razor sat on the bathroom sink. His records remained stacked neatly in the corner, untouched since the day the music died with him.
You leaned forward and buried your face in your hands, shoulders shaking with silent tears.
The apartment used to be so alive. Warm golden light, the smell of fresh coffee and his mother’s cookies, Bucky’s loud laughter mixing with Steve’s quieter chuckles, music always playing in the background like a heartbeat. Now it was just walls and floors and painful emptiness. A shrine to someone who was never coming back.
You lifted your head and looked at his jacket again, vision blurred.
“I wish I could live another life,” you said softly, voice cracking. “One where you’re still here. Where you walk through that door right now, complaining about the cold, pulling me into your arms and spinning me around until I’m laughing. A life where we make it to the Hollywood Palladium. Where you keep every promise you made me.”
The silence answered you.
No warm chuckle. No “C’mere, darlin’.” Just the hollow tick of the old clock on the wall and the distant, muffled sounds of the city moving on without him.
You curled up tighter in the chair, pulling your knees to your chest, eyes fixed on that empty leather jacket hanging like a ghost in the dim light.
God, you missed him.
You missed him so much it felt like your ancient heart was learning how to break all over again, every single day.
And no amount of time—not months, not years, not centuries—seemed strong enough to dull the pain.
A few decades had passed, yet winter still felt the same.
The year was 1975, and New York was buried under another merciless blanket of snow. You walked slowly through a quiet path in Prospect Park, your boots crunching softly with every step. The trees stood like silent sentinels, their bare branches heavy with fresh powder that sparkled under the pale glow of the streetlamps. Your breath rose in soft white clouds, mingling with the falling snowflakes that drifted lazily from the dark sky.
It was winter again. Always winter when the grief felt sharpest.
Your long coat brushed against your calves as you moved, hands buried deep in your pockets. The red scarf—the one Bucky had given you all those years ago—was still wrapped around your neck, faded now but impossibly precious. You came here often when the loneliness grew too loud to bear inside the apartment. The city had changed around you: taller buildings, louder cars, new music spilling out of radios. But the ache in your chest remained exactly the same.
You spoke softly into the cold night, your voice barely louder than the wind whispering through the trees.
“I wish you could see this, Buck,” you murmured, a sad smile tugging at your lips. “The park looks like something out of a dream tonight. Snow’s so thick it’s covering everything, just like that night we spent on the rooftop before you left.”
You paused beneath an old oak tree, gloved fingers brushing lightly over its rough bark as if it could somehow anchor you.
“It’s so hard, you know?” Your voice cracked, the words tumbling out like they’d been waiting for years. “Not having you. And not having Steve either. That makes it feel impossible some days.”
You kept walking, slower now, boots leaving deep footprints in the untouched snow. The path stretched ahead, empty and glowing faintly under the moonlight. Just like your life had felt for so long.
“He’s gone too, Buck. Steve. They never found the plane. He was still inside it when it crashed in the ice somewhere in the Arctic. They say he might still be alive, but they can’t reach him. Not yet.” A quiet, broken laugh escaped you, the sad kind that had become so familiar. “Can you imagine? My two boys—one lost to a mountain, the other to ice. Both of you stolen by winter.”
Tears stung your eyes, warmer than the freezing air against your cheeks. You wiped them away with the back of your glove, but more came anyway.
“I talk to him sometimes too, you know. Steve. But mostly… mostly I talk to you.” Your voice dropped to a whisper. “I tell you about the new records I hear on the radio. How they don’t sound as good as Glenn Miller. I tell you when the Dodgers win or lose. I tell you about the lonely nights when the apartment gets so quiet I can’t stand it. I still haven’t played our songs. Not once. The record player just sits there collecting dust.”
You stopped near the frozen edge of the lake, staring out at the sheet of ice that gleamed under the moonlight. The world was so still. So empty.
“God, Buck… I miss both of you so much it physically hurts. You took half my heart when you fell. And when Steve went into the ice… it felt like the other half went with him.” Your breath hitched. “I’m still here. Still walking this realm after all these years. Half-Asgardian. Half-human. Entirely alone now. I keep wondering what the point is of living so long if I have to do it without the two people who made it worth anything.”
Snowflakes caught in your lashes as you closed your eyes, imagining for a moment that Bucky was walking beside you—his arm around your shoulders, warm and solid, calling you “sweetheart” and “darlin’” like he used to.
“I still wear the red dress sometimes,” you whispered. “The one you promised to take me dancing in. It doesn’t fit the same anymore. Nothing does.”
The wind picked up gently, swirling snow around your feet like a ghostly embrace. You hugged your arms around yourself, pulling Bucky’s old scarf tighter.
“I hope wherever you are, you’re not cold,” you said, voice trembling. “And I hope Steve isn’t either. Just… wait for me, okay? Both of you. One day I’ll find my way back to you. Even if it takes another hundred years.”
You stood there for a long time, letting the snow fall around you, talking to the man who wasn’t there. The love of your very long life.
The winter night listened in silence.
The snow fell in thick, relentless sheets over the forgotten industrial district on the outskirts of a decaying Eastern European city—somewhere near the Romanian border, you thought, though borders meant little after so many decades. It was 2003, and the world had moved on without you in any way that mattered. You had come here chasing whispers of Asgardian relics slipping into the black market: a fragmented seidr crystal, pulsing with faint otherworldly energy, rumored to be auctioned off to the highest bidder with more guns than sense. Midgardians never learned. You had slipped through the shadows of abandoned factories and half-collapsed warehouses for two cold nights, your half-Asgardian senses humming with the crystal’s distant signature, until the trail led you here.
The gunfire started without warning.
You pressed your back against a rusted shipping container, heart lurching as the sharp cracks of suppressed shots echoed through the frozen yard. Shouts in Russian, then silence. Boots crunching on snow. Another body hitting the ground with a wet thud. You had no intention of getting involved—retrieve the artifact, return it to its proper resting place before some warlord tried to weaponize it, and vanish again like you always did. But curiosity, or perhaps the old soldier’s instinct that still lingered in your long-lived bones, pulled you forward along the perimeter.
Peering around the corner, you froze.
A ghost moved through the killing field.
He was a shadow carved from winter itself: tall, broad-shouldered, clad in tactical black that blended with the night. His left arm gleamed dully under the sporadic floodlights—metal, intricate, deadly, plates shifting with mechanical precision as he raised a pistol and put two rounds into a fleeing man’s back. The victim crumpled without a sound. Blood stained the snow in dark, spreading roses. The masked figure didn’t hesitate, didn’t speak. He simply moved on to the next, a knife flashing in his right hand for the close work. Efficient. Merciless. A machine built for death.
Your breath caught in your throat, fogging the air. Something about the way he carried himself—the lethal grace, the set of those shoulders—twisted like a knife in an old wound. But it couldn’t be. Sergeant Barnes had died in 1945. You had mourned him for decades. You still mourned him every winter.
More shots. More bodies. The last of the targets—a dealer you vaguely recognized from your leads—begged in broken English before the ghost silenced him forever. Then the masked man turned, scanning the area for witnesses.
His eyes locked onto you.
Time slowed. The snow seemed to hang suspended in the air between you. He was close now, maybe twenty feet, the floodlight behind him casting long shadows that made him look even larger, more inhuman. The black mask covered the lower half of his face, but those eyes—stormy blue-gray, cold as the grave—burned into yours with mechanical intensity. A long, dark hair fell across his forehead, damp with melted snow. The metal arm whirred faintly as he raised the pistol in one fluid motion, the barrel leveling straight at your chest.
You didn’t run. You didn’t scream. After centuries of watching mortals flicker in and out of existence like candle flames, death had lost its terror. Especially now.
He looks so much like Sergeant Barnes.
The thought hit you with devastating clarity. The jawline beneath the mask, the way his stance planted firmly against the recoil, even the faint crease between his brows as he sighted down the barrel—it was all wrong, twisted by violence and time, but the echo was there. Your Sergeant. Your Bucky. The man who had danced with you in your tiny Brooklyn apartment while Glenn Miller played on the radio, Steve laughing from the couch. The man who had promised you the Hollywood Palladium after the war.
At least I’ll be dying in the hands of a man who has the face of the love of my life. Isn’t the worst way to go.
Your gloved fingers twitched at your sides, but you made no move for the dagger hidden in your coat. The crystal’s faint magical pulse in your pocket felt distant, irrelevant. Snowflakes caught in your lashes, blurring the edges of the world until all that existed was him and the gun and the unbearable familiarity of those eyes. Your chest ached with a sorrow so old it had calcified into something almost beautiful. You wondered, distantly, if he would make it quick. If some fragment of the man you loved still lingered somewhere behind that mask, granting you that small mercy.
The Winter Soldier’s finger rested on the trigger. His breathing was steady, visible in faint puffs of white. For a long, agonizing second, nothing happened. The wind howled between the warehouses, carrying the metallic scent of blood and gunpowder. His gaze bored into you, unblinking. Something flickered there—something fractured and uncertain beneath the ice. His metal arm trembled, almost imperceptibly. The plates shifted with a soft mechanical click.
You held his stare, willing him to see you. Really see you. The woman who had once traced constellations on his bare back in your shared bed. The one who had cried into the silence of an empty apartment when the War Department’s letter arrived. The immortal fool who had never stopped loving a dead man.
His jaw tightened beneath the mask. The gun remained trained on your heart.
Then—slowly, deliberately—he lowered it.
Not a word. Not a sound. Just the soft crunch of his boots in the snow as he turned away from you, shoulders rigid, and disappeared into the swirling white like a phantom returning to whatever hell had spawned him. The floodlights buzzed overhead. A loose chain on a nearby fence rattled in the wind. You stood there, untouched, heart hammering against your ribs as if it wanted to claw its way out and chase after him.
The snow continued to fall, covering the bodies, covering the blood, covering the footprints he left behind. You exhaled shakily, pressing a hand to your chest where the bullet should have been. The Asgardian crystal in your pocket hummed faintly, a reminder of your purpose here, but it felt hollow now.
You had come for an artifact.
Instead, you had found a ghost wearing the face of your heart. And for the first time in decades, the winter felt colder than it ever had.
The fluorescent lights in the underground bunker hummed like dying insects, casting a sickly pallor over the concrete walls slick with condensation. Somewhere deep beneath the frozen Carpathian foothills, the Hydra facility breathed with mechanical life—vents hissing cold air, distant generators thrumming, the occasional metallic clang of a door sealing shut. The year was still 2003, but time meant nothing down here. Time was whatever they told him it was.
The Winter Soldier sat motionless on the edge of a steel bench in the debriefing cell, his tactical suit still damp with melted snow and splattered with other men’s blood. The mask had been removed, but the weight of it lingered on his face like a brand. His metal arm rested heavily on his thigh, plates occasionally shifting with faint whirs as if the limb itself was restless. A handler had already stripped him of his weapons. Another had checked him for injuries. Now they left him alone—for the moment—while they decided how to punish the anomaly.
Your face.
It wouldn’t leave him.
He closed his eyes, but the image only sharpened. Wide eyes staring straight down the barrel of his pistol. Snow catching in dark lashes. The set of your mouth—not fear, not quite resignation. Something deeper. Older. Like you had been waiting for that bullet for a very long time. He had seen thousands of faces through the scope. None of them had ever made his finger freeze on the trigger.
The Soldier pressed the heel of his flesh hand against his temple, grinding hard enough that pain flared white behind his eyes. Memory was a forbidden country. They had burned the bridges, salted the earth. What remained were fragments—flashes that surfaced only to be drowned again in ice and electricity. But this one refused to sink.
Where?
A Brooklyn street at dusk, streetlights flickering on. Laughter. The scent of cheap perfume and cigarette smoke. Warm fingers tracing the line of his jaw. A voice calling him—
No.
He stood abruptly, pacing the narrow cell. His boots left damp prints on the floor that dried too quickly in the recycled air. The mission parameters had been clear: eliminate the arms dealer and every witness. You had been a witness. You should be dead. He had never failed to pull the trigger before. Not when the orders were given. Not when the programming sang in his veins like venom.
Yet the moment he had looked at you, something inside his chest had twisted violently, like a rusted gear trying to turn in the wrong direction. His arm—the metal one they gave him—had trembled. For half a second, the Soldier had felt like a passenger in his own body, watching a stranger lower the gun.
Why?
He slammed his metal fist into the wall. Concrete cracked. Dust drifted down. Pain was good. Pain was familiar. It reminded him who he was: the fist of Hydra. The ghost. The asset. Not whoever that woman thought she saw when she looked at him.
But your eyes… they had known him.
The thought sent a spike of white-hot static through his mind. He growled low in his throat, shaking his head hard as if he could dislodge the image. Flashes came anyway—uninvited, unwanted.
A tiny apartment. A record spinning. A blond man laughing on a worn couch while a slow song played. Warm lips against his, tasting like stolen whiskey and promises. Stars overhead on a cold clear night. His own voice, younger, softer: “After the war, sweetheart…”
The Soldier dropped to his knees, metal fingers digging into his scalp. A handler would be here soon. They would see the deviation. They would strap him to the chair. The machine would scream into his skull until the fragments burned away again. He almost welcomed it.
Almost.
Because beneath the static and the conditioning and the howling void they had carved into him, a single quiet certainty remained:
He had known you.
Not just seen you. Known you. The kind of knowing that lived in muscle memory and bone, deeper than any wipe could reach. The kind that made a killer hesitate when every protocol demanded death.
His breathing grew ragged. The lights above flickered once, twice. He stared at his reflection in the polished steel panel across the room—hollow eyes, long dark hair matted with snowmelt, the ghost of a man long dead staring back.
“Who the hell are you?” he whispered to the empty cell. The words scraped out raw, unused. His handlers hadn’t permitted questions in years.
Your face swam behind his eyes again. Not afraid. Almost… tender. Like you had forgiven him before he even pulled the trigger.
The Soldier pressed his forehead against the cold floor, metal arm curled protectively over his head as if shielding himself from the coming storm of electricity and ice.
He didn’t understand why he couldn’t kill you.
But he was terrified that, somewhere beneath the programming, maybe he did.
The bar smelled like cigarette smoke, aged whiskey, and faded nostalgia. It was one of those hidden speakeasy-style places that had opened in the early 2000s, tucked away in a narrow side street of a half-forgotten European city still licking its wounds from old wars. Dim amber lighting glowed from art-deco wall sconces. A live band played on a small stage draped in deep red velvet, the musicians dressed in vintage suits and fedoras. The year was still 2003, but inside these walls, it was forever 1944.
You sat alone at a small table near the back, nursing a glass of gin you hadn’t touched in twenty minutes. The ice had long since melted. Your coat was draped over the chair beside you, and the faint thrum of the Asgardian crystal hidden in your inner pocket was the only thing keeping you grounded. You had come here on a whim after the warehouse incident—chasing silence, maybe, or the ghost of better times. The 40s theme had felt like a cruel joke from the universe the moment you walked in.
The band struck up a new song. Slow, aching brass. A saxophone weeping over gentle piano chords. “I’ll never smile again…” The lyrics drifted through the hazy air like smoke, wrapping around your chest and squeezing. You closed your eyes, letting the melody drag you back to a tiny Brooklyn apartment, to Bucky’s arms around your waist, Steve humming off-key from the couch while Glenn Miller spun on the record player. Your Sergeant had always loved this one.
A shadow fell across your table.
You felt him before you saw him—that same lethal presence from the snow-covered yard. The temperature in the room seemed to drop. When you opened your eyes, he was there.
The Winter Soldier stood just a few feet away, half-hidden in the low light between two columns. His long dark hair was tucked beneath a black cap, the tactical gear swapped for civilian clothes that still somehow looked like armor: dark coat, gloves, boots made for silent killing. His face was partially obscured by the cap’s brim, but you caught the sharp line of his jaw, the storm-gray eyes locked onto you with predatory focus. One gloved hand rested inside his coat, fingers curled around the hilt of a blade you couldn’t yet see—but you knew it was there.
Your heart slammed against your ribs. He had come to finish the job.
He moved closer, boots silent on the worn wooden floor. The song swelled. The singer’s voice cracked with old heartbreak. “Until I saw you again…”
The Winter Soldier’s steps faltered for half a second. His metal arm—concealed beneath the sleeve of his coat—whirred faintly. You watched his throat work as he swallowed. Something in those eyes fractured. Recognition? Pain? He kept coming anyway, a predator circling wounded prey, but his movements had lost their perfect mechanical precision. The grip on the hidden dagger loosened, then tightened again as if he were fighting his own hand.
He stopped directly in front of your table.
You looked up at him slowly, taking in every devastating detail. The way the amber light caught the strands of hair escaping his cap. The faint scar near his left eye. The tension in his shoulders like a man carrying centuries of ghosts. He looked so much like your Bucky it hurt to breathe.
“Y’know,” you said softly, voice barely carrying over the music, “you look just like someone I used to love.”
He hesitated. The band played on. The dagger shifted inside his coat—you saw the subtle movement of fabric. For a long moment, the only sound between you was the saxophone crying.
“Who?” The word scraped out of him, low and rough, like it had been dragged through gravel and forgotten memories.
You met his eyes without flinching. “Sergeant Barnes.” Your voice cracked on the name you hadn’t spoken aloud in decades. “My Sergeant Barnes.”
The effect was immediate and devastating.
His entire body jolted like he’d been electrocuted. The metal arm spasmed visibly beneath his sleeve. His eyes—those beautiful, haunted storm-gray eyes—widened, and for one shattering second, the Winter Soldier was gone. In his place stood Bucky Barnes, twenty-eight years old, staring at you with the same sad, loving expression he’d worn the night you found out he was being drafted. The one where his mouth softened at the corners even as his brows pulled together in quiet heartbreak. The one that said he would rather die than leave you, but he had to go anyway.
Memories flooded him. You could see it happening—the way his lips parted, the sharp inhale, the tremble in his flesh hand as it clenched at his side. Brooklyn nights. Your laughter in his ear. Steve’s bad jokes. The promise under the stars. Your hands on his face the morning he shipped out. The way you tasted. The way you said his name like a prayer.
“It’s you,” you whispered, tears burning at the corners of your eyes. “It’s really you.”
The shift back was violent.
Bucky’s face hardened into something feral and broken. He lunged forward with inhuman speed, one hand slamming onto the table beside you while the other yanked the dagger free. The blade—sleek, wickedly curved, still carrying the chill of the Carpathians—pressed against the soft skin of your throat before you could draw another breath. The edge bit just enough to sting. A single drop of blood welled and slid down your neck, warm against your suddenly freezing skin.
The bar noise faded. The song played on, but all you could hear was the thunder of your own pulse and the ragged sound of his breathing.
“You still owe me that trip, y’know,” you said, voice steady despite the knife at your throat. A tear slipped down your cheek. “I thought we’d be going to the Hollywood Palladium together.”
For a heartbeat, his expression wavered again—raw, desperate, loving.
Then the mask slammed back into place.
“I owe you nothing,” he growled, voice low and vicious, every word carved from ice. “I made no promise to you.”
The dagger flashed.
A sharp, burning line seared across the side of your throat—not deep enough to kill, not even enough to seriously wound an Asgardian like you, but enough to hurt. Enough to scar. Enough to warn. Blood trickled warm and steady down your collarbone, soaking into the fabric of your blouse. You gasped softly at the sting, but you didn’t flinch away from him. You held his gaze instead, letting him see everything you felt.
He stared at the cut he’d made, at the blood on his blade, at the tear tracks on your face. Something in his eyes shattered all over again.
Then he was gone.
The Winter Soldier turned on his heel and walked away without another word, shoulders rigid, dagger disappearing back into his coat. The crowd parted unconsciously around him, sensing the danger radiating from every line of his body. He didn’t look back. Not once.
You sat there, hand pressed to your bleeding throat, watching the ghost of your heart disappear through the smoky haze of the 40s bar. The band kept playing. The singer crooned about lost love and broken promises. Your gin sat untouched, the ice long gone, just like the man who had once danced with you to this very song.
Outside, the real world waited—cold, modern, and merciless. Inside, you bled in the amber glow, surrounded by ghosts and melodies from a life that no longer existed.
And somewhere in the night, Bucky Barnes was running from the only truth he couldn’t erase.
The apartment door clicked shut behind you with a sound far too final for such a small noise.
You leaned against it for a long moment, eyes closed, letting the silence wrap around you like an old, threadbare coat. The cut on your throat burned steadily, a thin line of fire that refused to let you forget. Slowly, you crossed the living room and sank into the worn armchair beneath the window. The same chair you’d had since the 70s. Some things, at least, you kept.
With careful fingers, you peeled away the blood-soaked collar of your blouse and pressed a clean cloth to the wound. The sting sharpened, but you welcomed it. Pain was honest. Pain didn’t pretend to be someone it wasn’t.
A few tears slipped free anyway, silent and warm, tracing slow paths down your cheeks. You didn’t bother wiping them away.
Your gaze drifted across the room to the far corner, where a small wooden crate sat half-hidden behind a potted plant you rarely remembered to water. Inside were the CDs — dozens of them, meticulously burned and labeled in your own careful handwriting years ago. Glenn Miller. Tommy Dorsey. Benny Goodman. Artie Shaw. The songs you used to play on repeat in your old Brooklyn apartment while Bucky spun you around the tiny living room, laughing into your hair, calling you “sweetheart” and “darlin’” like those words belonged only to you.
You never played them anymore.
You stood on unsteady legs, walked over, and crouched in front of the crate. Your fingers brushed the dusty lids. For a second, you could almost hear the faint scratch of a needle, the brass section swelling, Bucky’s low voice humming against your ear.
But that man was gone.
The one who had pressed a blade to your throat tonight wore his face, spoke with a ghost of his voice, but he wasn’t yours. He wasn’t even his.
You never really meet the same person twice, even in the same person.
The thought settled heavy in your chest, aching worse than the cut on your neck. You lifted the crate with both hands, carried it to the narrow hall closet, and pushed it deep into the back shelf, behind old coats and forgotten boxes. Out of sight.
Then you closed the door.
The apartment fell quiet again. No music. No laughter. Just the soft drip of blood you hadn’t fully stopped, and the hollow rhythm of your too-long heart still beating after all these years.
You returned to the armchair, pressed the cloth tighter to your throat, and let the tears fall freely now, silent and unending, as the city lights flickered beyond the frost-laced window.
Somewhere out there, a ghost was still running from you both.
The harsh overhead lights buzzed above the holding chamber like angry hornets. Deep beneath the frozen earth, the Hydra facility smelled of antiseptic, ozone, and old blood. The Winter Soldier—no, what was left of Bucky Barnes—slumped against the reinforced metal wall, legs sprawled out across the cold concrete floor.
Every inch of his body screamed.
His ribs were bruised purple and black from the batons. His back was a map of fresh welts and shallow lacerations where they had whipped him for failure. The metal arm hung limp and unresponsive at his side, servos damaged during the punishment beating. Blood crusted at the corner of his mouth and dripped slowly from a split lip. One eye was nearly swollen shut. They had been thorough this time. Disappointing Hydra always came with a price.
He had only a few minutes. The technicians were already preparing the cryosleep chamber down the hall—the frost, the straps, the oblivion.
Bucky’s head lolled back against the wall. His lips moved soundlessly at first, then the words scraped out in a broken whisper.
“I owe her nothing.”
The cut on your throat flashed behind his eyes. The way your blood had looked sliding down her skin under those warm bar lights. The tear that had fallen when you spoke about the Hollywood Palladium.
“I made no such promise.”
His voice cracked. He repeated it again, harsher this time, like a soldier reciting orders.
“I owe her nothing. I made no such promise.”
But the memories kept clawing their way up anyway.
Soft hands cupping his face in a tiny Brooklyn apartment. Glenn Miller playing low on the record player. Her laughter when he spun her too fast. Steve’s fond groan from the couch. Stars above them on a clear winter night, his voice full of young, stupid hope: “After the war, darlin’… I’ll take you anywhere you want. Even that fancy Hollywood Palladium you keep talkin’ about.”
He squeezed his eyes shut tighter, breath coming in short, pained gasps.
“I owe her nothing.”
A handler’s boots echoed faintly in the corridor outside. They were coming soon.
“I made no such promise.”
He could still feel the warmth of your skin when the dagger had pressed against your throat. The way you hadn’t flinched. The way you had looked at him like he was still worth saving. Like he was still yours.
Bucky’s metal fingers twitched violently. A low, animal sound tore from his throat as he slammed the back of his head against the wall once, twice, trying to drive the images out. Blood trickled down the nape of his neck.
She’s not yours. You’re not his. You’re the asset. The ghost. The fist.
“I owe her nothing,” he growled again, voice hoarse and desperate. “I made no such promise. I made no—"
The lie tasted like ash.
In the deepest, most buried part of him—somewhere the wipes and the electricity and the ice could never quite reach—he knew the truth. He had made that promise. He had meant every word. He had loved you with everything a broke, charming sergeant from Brooklyn had to give.
But that man was dead.
He was never coming back.
Bucky curled forward, battered arms wrapping around his knees as best he could, ignoring the screaming pain in his ribs. His long hair fell like a curtain over his face. A single tear mixed with the blood on his cheek before he angrily wiped it away with a bruised knuckle.
“Not coming back,” he whispered to the empty cell. “That’s final.”
Hundreds of kilometers away, in a quiet apartment filled with silence and old ghosts, you sat staring out at the city lights with fresh bandages around your throat. The cut still burned, but it was nothing compared to the hollow ache in your chest.
You had waited decades for him once. You couldn’t do it again.
All that remained now was a fragile, whispered thought you held onto like a dying flame:
In another life.
Maybe in another life, Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes would have kept his promise. Maybe you would have danced together under the bright lights of the Hollywood Palladium, laughing like the world could never touch you. Maybe the war would have ended differently. Maybe Hydra would never have stolen him.
But not in this one.
The technicians entered the chamber. Rough hands hauled Bucky to his feet. He didn’t fight them. His body was broken, but his eyes—those storm-gray eyes that had once looked at you with so much love—were empty again.
As they dragged him toward the cryosleep chamber, he repeated the words one last time under his breath, a broken mantra against the truth trying to surface.
“I owe her nothing… I made no such promise…”
The ice waited.
And somewhere far away, you finally let the last of your hope slip quietly into the dark.
guys check out my other acc pls.... @eliquarium (I'll be posting there if I dont have any fics to post yet!)
I'll be posting my poems, drawings, essays there!! I promise that account is very cool.....
DON'T NEED CANDLES OR CAKE (JUST NEED YO' BODY TO MAKE)۶ৎ
[library]⋆.📎
⬩➤ pairing: loki laufeyson x reader
⬩➤ details: nsfw, profanity, loki x reader, established relationship, birthday sex, heavy teasing, filthy dirty talk, dominant reader, submissive loki, power exchange, riding, edging, begging, marking, rough sex, possessive sex, aftercare, loki being a massive brat, smug loki gets wrecked
⬩➤ wordcount: 4.0k
⬩➤ note: first actual smut fic, kinda nervous! i hope u somehow like it...?
⬩➤ synopsis:
It’s your birthday, and Loki is determined to spoil you rotten. From the moment you wake, the God of Mischief is endlessly talkative—showering you with luxurious gifts and increasingly filthy teasing whispers that leave you aching all day. With his silver tongue and wicked promises, he keeps daring you to shut him up… until you finally do exactly that by fucking him senseless.
You stirred slowly beneath the heavy silk sheets, the faint scent of leather, ozone, and something indefinently Loki lingering in the air like a spell that refused to fade. The first thing you noticed was the cool slide of fabric against your bare skin as you shifted—an exquisite green-and-gold robe draped artfully over the foot of the bed, clearly placed there for you to find.
A soft smile tugged at your lips. Of course he’d already been here.
You sat up, letting the sheet pool around your waist, and reached for the robe. The moment your fingers touched it, the silk seemed to warm and move on its own, gliding over your shoulders like a lover’s hands. It fit perfectly, of course. Everything Loki gave you always did.
On the nightstand sat a small velvet box. Inside was a delicate gold chain with an emerald pendant that pulsed gently against your skin the second you clasped it around your neck. A pleasant heat bloomed across your collarbones, spreading downward in lazy waves that made your thighs press together instinctively.
And then there was the note.
Written in that impossibly elegant, flowing script you’d recognize anywhere:
My darling little mortal,
Another year older. Another year more dangerously tempting. Today is yours. I am yours… or so I’ll let you believe. Be ready for me.
— L
You were still tracing the words with your fingertip when the air in the room shifted.
A swirl of emerald and gold shimmered near the window, coalescing into the tall, devastating figure of Loki Laufeyson. He leaned against the wall with that signature smirk, arms crossed, wearing a perfectly tailored black suit that hugged every lean line of his body. His dark hair was swept back, a few rebellious strands falling across his forehead, and his eyes—those sharp, mischievous green eyes—raked over you like he was already undressing you with his mind.
“Happy birthday, my love,” he purred, voice velvet and sin.
Before you could even respond, he was across the room in two strides. His long fingers tilted your chin up and his mouth claimed yours in a deep, hungry kiss that stole the breath from your lungs. He tasted like mischief and magic, like champagne and dark promises. When he finally pulled back, you were dizzy, lips tingling.
“Look at you,” he murmured against your mouth, thumb brushing your lower lip. “Another year more tempting. How dare you grow even more irresistible? It’s terribly unfair to the rest of the universe.”
You laughed softly, reaching up to tug at the lapels of his jacket. “You’re laying it on thick this morning.”
“Merely warming up,” he replied, eyes glittering. He leaned in again, lips brushing the shell of your ear. “I have plans for you today. All day. And I won’t be telling you a single detail until we’re in the thick of it.”
You raised an eyebrow. “Cryptic as always.”
Loki’s grin widened, sharp and playful. He nipped at your earlobe, voice dropping into that low, filthy register you knew too well. “Let’s just say… there will be moments where I have you pressed against glass overlooking the city. Moments where my fingers are under your dress while no one around us has the faintest idea. And moments where you’ll be begging so prettily I might almost consider giving you what you want.”
Your breath hitched. The enchanted necklace grew warmer against your skin, almost pulsing in time with the growing heat between your legs.
He pulled back just enough to look at you, clearly delighted by your reaction. “But not yet. First, I’m taking you out. Properly. Like the goddess you deserve to feel like on your birthday.”
You tried to tug him back down for another kiss, but he caught your wrists gently, pressing them to the bed with a wicked smile.
“Ah-ah. Patience, darling. You’ll have your fun later. Though I must warn you…” His voice turned teasing, almost mocking in that way that made your stomach flip. “I’m feeling particularly talkative today. I do hope you’ll be able to handle all my commentary while I spoil you rotten.”
You narrowed your eyes at him, a spark of challenge flaring in your chest. It was your birthday, after all.
“We’ll see about that,” you murmured.
Loki’s grin turned positively feral.
“Oh, I do hope you try to shut me up, pet. I’m very curious to see how you’ll manage it.”
The morning blurred into a whirlwind of Loki’s particular brand of indulgence. By the time the sun was high, he had whisked you away to a hidden restaurant tucked between two unassuming buildings in Manhattan—an Asgardian sanctuary invisible to mortal eyes unless invited. The interior shimmered with floating golden lanterns and deep emerald drapery, the air scented with spiced wine and roasted meats.
You sat across from him at a private table near the window, overlooking the glittering illusion of a fjord that definitely wasn’t in New York. Loki looked entirely too pleased with himself.
“Try this,” he murmured, leaning across the table with a forkful of rich chocolate and berry dessert. Instead of handing it to you, he brought it to your lips himself, eyes locked on yours. “Open.”
You obeyed, and the moment the decadent flavor hit your tongue, his voice dropped to that sinful velvet whisper.
“Delicious, isn’t it? Almost as sweet as you’ll taste when I have you spread open on our bed later. I plan to take my time… licking every inch of you until you’re shaking and dripping down my chin.”
Your thighs clenched under the table. Loki’s smirk deepened as his hand slid beneath the heavy tablecloth, resting high on your thigh. His fingers traced slow, lazy circles, inching higher with every pass but never quite reaching where you wanted him.
“Problem, darling?” he asked innocently, tilting his head. “You look a little flushed. Is the wine too strong? Or is it the thought of my tongue buried inside you while you moan my name?”
You shot him a warning look, but he only chuckled, low and rich.
“I do love when you try to glare at me like that. It makes me want to bend you over this table and remind you exactly who owns this pretty body.” His fingers pressed firmer into your inner thigh. “Though today I’m being generous. I’m letting you think you’re in charge.”
Lunch continued like that—Loki feeding you bites between increasingly filthy promises, his hand never leaving your thigh, his voice a constant teasing murmur against your ear whenever he leaned in. By the time you left the restaurant, you were aching, wet, and thoroughly annoyed with how smug he looked about it.
Next came a quiet, magically concealed garden terrace high above the city. Ancient Asgardian trees bloomed around you, their flowers glowing softly in the afternoon light. It felt private enough that you thought you might get a moment of peace.
You were wrong.
Loki walked beside you with his arm looped possessively around your waist, pulling you close as you strolled.
“You’re breathtaking when you’re flustered, you know,” he purred, lips brushing your temple. “That pretty blush on your cheeks… the way your breath catches. It makes me want to ruin you right here against this tree.”
A shiver ran down your spine. Then you felt it—phantom fingers, created by his seidr, ghosting down the back of your neck, tracing your spine, then slipping lower to brush teasingly between your legs. You gasped sharply.
Loki’s face remained perfectly innocent as he admired a glowing flower. “Something wrong, my love?”
“You’re impossible,” you hissed, cheeks burning.
He laughed softly, the sound dark and delighted. “And yet you’re soaked for me already, aren’t you? Poor thing. All this tension and I haven’t even properly touched you yet.”
Another illusionary caress slid along your inner thigh, higher this time, pressing firmly against your aching core for just a second before vanishing. You grabbed his arm tighter, knees nearly buckling.
“Loki…”
“Yes, darling?” He turned to you with mock concern, green eyes sparkling with mischief. “Use your words. Tell me what you need. Or better yet… save all that fire for later when you try to put me in my place.” His voice dropped even lower. “I’m very much looking forward to watching you attempt to shut me up.”
The tension was unbearable now—your body thrumming with need, irritation, and raw desire. Every teasing word, every phantom touch, every wicked promise made you more determined to turn the tables the second you got him alone.
Loki seemed to sense it. He pulled you closer, lips brushing your ear one last time.
“Careful, love. If you keep looking at me with that murderous, needy little glare… I might not make it home before I start begging you to ruin me.”
By the time you returned to your quarters, the air between you was thick enough to choke on. The door had barely clicked shut before you turned to him.
Loki barely had time to open his mouth with another smug remark before you shoved him hard in the chest. He let you do it—because of course he did, this was your birthday and he was playing along—but the wicked grin on his face said he was enjoying every second of it.
The back of his knees hit the edge of the bed and he fell gracefully onto the mattress, sprawling like a king on his throne. His dark hair fanned out against the silk sheets as he looked up at you with gleaming eyes.
“Well, well,” he drawled, voice dripping with amusement. “Someone’s feeling bold tonight. Are you finally going to—mmph.”
You cut him off by climbing onto the bed and kissing him fiercely, your fingers tangling in his hair. The kiss was messy, demanding, and you bit his bottom lip hard enough to make him hiss. When you pulled back, his pupils were already blown wide.
“Quiet,” you whispered against his mouth.
Loki chuckled, low and filthy. “Oh darling, you’ll have to do better than that if you want to shut me up. I have so many plans to tell you about. For instance, I was thinking I’d lay you down and—”
You silenced him again, this time by dragging your mouth down the sharp line of his jaw to his neck. You sucked hard on his pulse point, then bit down. His words dissolved into a surprised groan.
Your hands moved with purpose, pushing his expensive jacket off his shoulders. He helped just enough for you to strip it away, but his mouth kept running.
“Eager little thing, aren’t you? Taking charge on your birthday… How adorable. Though if you ask me—”
You yanked his shirt open, buttons scattering. The moment his pale, toned chest was exposed, you leaned down and bit his collarbone, hard. Loki arched slightly beneath you, a breathy laugh turning into a low moan.
“Fuck— you’re vicious today. I like it. But you know I could just flip us over and—”
Another bite, lower this time, right above his nipple. You followed it with a slow, wet lick. His words faltered again as his hand came up to grip your thigh.
You worked slowly, deliberately, savoring every inch of him. His shirt was tossed aside. You dragged your nails lightly down his chest, over the lean muscle of his abdomen, watching the way his stomach tensed under your touch. When you reached his belt, you took your time unbuckling it, letting your knuckles brush teasingly against the growing hardness beneath his trousers.
Loki’s breath hitched, but he still tried to speak.
“You’re trembling, pet. So wet for me already, I can practically smell it. When I finally get my hands on you, I’m going to—”
You shut him up properly this time—leaning down and kissing him deep and filthy while your hand palmed him through his pants. The moan he let out into your mouth was deeply satisfying. You squeezed gently, stroking him until his hips twitched.
When you pulled back, his lips were kiss-swollen and his usual smug mask was cracking just a little.
“You talk too much,” you murmured, hooking your fingers into his waistband and slowly dragging his trousers and underwear down his long legs.
Loki’s cock sprang free, hard and flushed, curving proudly against his stomach. He opened his mouth again, probably to make some arrogant comment, but you immediately wrapped your fingers around his length and gave him one firm, slow stroke.
His head fell back against the pillows with a broken groan.
“Much better,” you murmured, leaning down to drag your tongue along the underside of his length. You took your time, licking and teasing, savoring the way his thighs tensed under your hands.
You worked him with your mouth and hand in tandem—long, slow strokes followed by swirling your tongue around the sensitive head. Every time he tried to reach for you, to touch your hair or pull you closer, you caught his wrists and pinned them down to the mattress above his head.
“Darling—ah—I merely wanted to—” he started again, voice strained.
You sucked him deeper into your mouth, hollowing your cheeks, and his back arched clean off the bed with a broken moan. When you pulled off with a wet pop, you gave him a warning look.
“Hands stay up there,” you ordered.
Loki’s eyes flashed with wicked delight, even as he obeyed. “So demanding on your birthday. I must say, I— nngh—”
You cut him off again by taking him back into your mouth, bobbing your head while your hand stroked what you couldn’t fit. You edged him mercilessly—bringing him right to the brink with tight, fast strokes, only to slow down or pull off completely when his hips started thrusting up desperately.
Each time you denied him, his teasing grew more fractured.
“You wicked little— mmh— you’re going to regret teasing a god like this… or perhaps I’ll— fuck, right there—”
You discovered something delicious in the process.
When you released his cock for a moment and moved higher up his body, you dragged your teeth along his collarbone and sucked hard on the side of his neck. Loki’s entire body shuddered violently beneath you. A deep, needy sound escaped his throat—nothing like his usual controlled purr.
His neck and chest were incredibly sensitive.
You smiled against his skin and lavished attention there—kissing, licking, and biting along his sharp collarbones, then lower to his chest. When your tongue flicked over one of his nipples, Loki actually whimpered, hips jerking up into nothing.
“Oh? You like that?” you whispered, delighted by your discovery. You pinned his wrists harder with one hand while your mouth closed around his nipple, sucking and grazing it with your teeth.
“Darling— shit— you’re going to kill me,” he gasped, voice cracking beautifully. The usual smugness was rapidly dissolving into raw, breathy desperation. “If you keep that up I won’t be able to— ah— fuck, please—”
You switched to the other side of his chest, giving it the same treatment while your free hand returned to his cock, stroking him torturously slow. You kept him right on the edge, never letting him tip over, while your mouth continued its assault on his neck and chest until his skin was covered in marks and his usual silver tongue was reduced to broken moans and half-formed teases.
By the time you pulled back slightly to admire your work, Loki was a gorgeous wreck beneath you—chest heaving, hair wild, lips parted, and eyes glassy with frustrated need.
He still tried one last taunt, voice hoarse:
“You think this is enough to shut me up? I can still— I can still tell you exactly how tight and wet you—”
You squeezed his cock firmly and leaned down to bite his neck again.
Loki’s words dissolved into a loud, shameless moan.
You couldn’t wait any longer.
Loki was still trying to run his mouth, even while panting and flushed beneath you, his cock twitching desperately in your hand.
“Still think you can— mmh— keep this up, darling? I give you ten minutes before you’re the one begging m—”
You shut him up the best way possible.
Rising up on your knees, you lined him up and sank down onto his cock in one smooth, relentless motion. The stretch was perfect, filling you completely, and the broken groan that tore from Loki’s throat was deeply satisfying.
“F-fuck—!” His head slammed back against the pillows, eyes squeezing shut as you bottomed out.
You didn’t give him time to recover.
You set a punishing pace immediately, rolling your hips hard and fast, riding him with every ounce of built-up frustration from his endless teasing. The wet sound of skin meeting skin filled the room as you ground down on him, taking him deep with every roll.
Loki’s silver tongue finally began to fracture.
“Gods— you’re so— ah— tight— fuck, darling, slow down or I’ll—” His words dissolved into a choked moan as you clenched around him deliberately.
You tangled one hand in his messy black hair and yanked his head back, exposing the long column of his throat. Your other hand wrapped lightly around it, applying just enough pressure to make his pupils blow even wider.
“Look at you,” you whispered, voice low and sweet as you rode him harder, grinding your clit against his pelvis with every thrust. “So pretty when you fall apart. All that teasing and now you can’t even form a full sentence.”
Loki’s hands flew to your hips, gripping hard enough that you knew you’d have bruises tomorrow. His fingers dug in, but he didn’t try to take control. He let you use him exactly as you wanted, hips jerking up desperately to meet your punishing rhythm.
“V-velsk— nngh— you wicked little mortal,” he gasped, slipping into Asgardian curses as you clenched around him again. “I’m going to— fuck— you feel too good— shit—”
You leaned down, lips brushing his ear while still riding him relentlessly.
“You’re only allowed to come when I say so,” you murmured, tightening your grip in his hair. “I want to hear you beg first. My beautiful, talkative god… look how wrecked you are for me.”
Loki let out a broken whimper, his usual elegance completely shattered. His chest was heaving, skin glistening with a light sheen of sweat, and every time you sank down hard he made the most delicious sounds — raw, desperate moans mixed with fractured curses in his native tongue.
“Járn— ah— please— you’re going to ruin me—” he gasped, voice cracking beautifully as you rolled your hips in a slow, devastating circle before slamming back down.
His neck and chest were flushed red from your earlier marks, and every time your hand flexed lightly around his throat, his cock throbbed hard inside you.
You kept riding him mercilessly, controlling every movement, every angle, watching with dark satisfaction as the God of Mischief came completely undone beneath you.
You could feel him trembling beneath you, his cock throbbing deep inside your soaked cunt with every brutal roll of your hips. Loki’s grip on your waist was bruising, but he still obeyed — letting you stay in complete control even as he unraveled.
You slowed your pace just enough to torture him, grinding down deep and slow, clenching around him on every downstroke.
“Beg,” you whispered against his lips, tightening your hand around his throat. “You’ve been running that pretty mouth all day. Now I want to hear you beg for it.”
Loki’s eyes were glassy, pupils blown wide with desperation. His silver tongue had almost completely deserted him, but he still tried to resist one last time.
“I— I don’t beg, pet— ah, fuck—” His words cut off in a choked moan as you slammed down hard and rolled your hips in tight, filthy circles.
You tugged his hair harder and leaned in, lips brushing his ear.
“Beg, Loki. Or I’ll stop right now and leave you like this.”
A broken whimper escaped him. His pride finally shattered.
“Please—” he gasped, voice hoarse and wrecked. “Please, darling— let me come. I need it— I need you— fuck, please let me fill you up. I’ll be good— I swear, just please—”
The sound of the God of Mischief begging beneath you was pure ecstasy.
You rewarded him by riding him harder than ever, fast and relentless, using his cock exactly how you wanted. One hand stayed wrapped around his throat, the other fisted tight in his hair as you fucked him into the mattress.
Loki’s head suddenly threw back against the pillows, mouth falling open in a loud, broken cry.
“Fuck—! I’m— I’m going to—”
His orgasm hit him like a storm.
He came hard with a shattered moan that echoed through the room, hips jerking up violently as he spilled deep inside you. Thick, hot pulses of his release filled you while emerald magic exploded around the room — green and gold sparks flickering wildly across the walls and ceiling. Illusions of stars and blooming flowers shimmered in and out of existence around the bed as his control completely collapsed. His body shook beneath you, chest heaving, neck arched beautifully as he rode out every wave.
The sight and feeling of him falling apart so completely pushed you over the edge right after him.
You ground down hard, clit rubbing against his pelvis as you used his twitching, oversensitive cock to chase your own pleasure. Your orgasm crashed over you in powerful waves, cunt clenching rhythmically around him as you moaned his name. Pleasure flooded every nerve as you rode him through both your climaxes, drawing out every last drop until you were both trembling and spent.
You both stayed locked together for a long moment, breathing ragged and bodies trembling. Loki’s cock was still buried deep inside you, twitching with the aftershocks as you slowly came down from your high.
Eventually, his arms wrapped around you with surprising gentleness. He pulled you down flush against his chest, holding you there as if he never wanted to let go. His heart was pounding wildly beneath your ear.
For once, the God of Mischief was nearly speechless.
He pressed slow, lazy kisses to the top of your head, then your temple, then the corner of your mouth—each one softer than the last. His long fingers traced soothing patterns along your spine, gentle and reverent.
“You…” he finally murmured, voice rough and low, “were magnificent.”
You smiled against his sweaty skin, pressing a kiss to his collarbone where you’d left a particularly dark mark earlier. Loki shivered at the contact but didn’t pull away.
“You’ll pay for that tomorrow, darling,” he whispered, a hint of his usual mischief threading through the exhaustion. “I promise you’ll scream my name until your voice gives out… but tonight was… exquisite.”
He tilted your chin up gently so he could look at you. His green eyes were still hazy, lashes heavy, a rare look of pure bliss softening his sharp features.
“I must admit,” he continued quietly, brushing a strand of hair from your face, “I rather enjoyed letting you take the lead. Seeing you so fierce, so determined to shut me up…” A soft, breathless chuckle escaped him. “I didn’t think I’d like surrendering quite so much. You were perfect.”
You rested your forehead against his, basking in the warmth of his body and the rare vulnerability in his voice.
“I loved it too,” he added, almost shyly. “Being yours completely tonight. You may have ruined me for a little while, love.”
His arms tightened around you, one hand slowly stroking your hair as the other caressed your waist. The room was quiet now, the last flickers of his magic long faded, leaving only the two of you tangled together in the sheets.
You nestled deeper into the crook of his neck, inhaling the familiar scent of him—ozone, leather, and warm skin. Pressing one last, lingering kiss just beneath his jaw, you whispered softly:
𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐝 (𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐢 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮) || childhood bsf!james potter x reader 「 wc: 5.1k 」
⤷ Childhood best friends and practically inseparable at Hogwarts, you and James Potter have always been at the center of each other’s worlds. But while everyone around you swears there’s something more between you, James is hiding feelings he’s terrified to confess—afraid that loving you out loud might cost him the friendship he treasures most.
𝐛𝐮𝐛𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐮𝐦𐙚⊹❀ || academic rival!tony stark x reader 「 wc: 8.3k 」
⤷ At the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, second place is never enough—especially when first belongs to Tony Stark. As finals approach, you push yourself to the limit, determined to outrank him while he stays infuriatingly calm, always chewing that same damn bubblegum. But no matter how much you study, the question remains—will it be enough to beat him?
⤷ It’s your birthday, and Loki is determined to spoil you rotten. From the moment you wake, the God of Mischief is endlessly talkative—showering you with luxurious gifts and increasingly filthy teasing whispers that leave you aching all day. With his silver tongue and wicked promises, he keeps daring you to shut him up… until you finally do exactly that by fucking him senseless.
⤷ Decades after the war stole James Buchanan Barnes from you, you’re still haunted by the life you were supposed to have together—the music-filled nights in Brooklyn, the promises beneath winter stars, the trip to the Hollywood Palladium that never came. But when you encounter a deadly ghost known as the Winter Soldier in the snowy shadows of Eastern Europe, buried memories begin to surface, forcing both of you to confront a love neither time, war, nor Hydra could fully erase.
⤷ In the flickering lamplight of the Kingdom of Science’s makeshift lab, Senku Ishigami pushes himself to the brink, racing to complete a critical communication device before Tsukasa’s empire strikes. Exhausted and stubborn, he refuses to rest—until you step in. What begins as a soothing shoulder massage quickly turns heated when you drop to your knees before him, determined to make the brilliant scientist unravel. Even as he tries to keep working, your mouth and hands slowly dismantle his iron focus, leading to a raw, desperate release that finally forces the genius to surrender… at least for one night.
𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐮𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐲 || pt.1, pt.2 || sirius black x fem!reader
⤷ You were never officially his. Not his girlfriend, not his anything—just a name he never quite stopped coming back to. But when the lines between friendship, desire, and possession blur too far, what starts as something unspoken begins to feel dangerously like love. And when you finally see where you stand in his world, you’re forced to decide whether being “just mates” is something you can survive anymore.
⤷ After Remus Lupin pushes you away to “protect” you from the wolf and the coming war, you’re left haunted by his absence. Every night you curl up in his oversized Gryffindor sweater—the one that still carries faint traces of chocolate, old books, pine, and smoke—replaying memories of stolen kisses and quiet love while the ache in your chest refuses to fade. When the Room of Requirement traps the two of you together just days before the full moon, everything you’ve been trying to bury finally rises to the surface.
𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 || sirius black and james potter x reader 「 wc: 7.5k 」
⤷ Heartbroken and hiding in your dorm after Remus ends things, the last thing you expect is James and Sirius pushing their way in with dinner and stubborn concern. What begins as soft comfort and quiet tears slowly ignites into something much more intense. In the safety of their arms, you let them distract you the only way they know how—completely, devotedly, and without holding back.
⬩➤ details: sfw, profanity, emotional hurt/comfort, jealousy fallout, groveling, character growth, accountability, mutual emotional unpacking, miscommunication resolution, jealousy to understanding, boundary setting, relationship rebuilding, public confession, “we’re just friends” trope (resolved), mutual pining resolution, emotional vulnerability, healing arc, established relationship (end), domestic softness, soft intimacy, love confession, redemption arc, angst with a hopeful ending
⬩➤ wordcount: 8.2k
⬩➤ note: second part is hereeee, lowk didn't turn out the way I wanted too tho lol, if u havent read part one go read it first!! and if u have, i hope you enjoy reading this<3
⬩➤ synopsis:
You were never officially his—until he finally understood what that meant. After years of keeping you half-hidden and half-his, Sirius Black is left with nothing but the aftermath of his own choices when you step back for good. What follows is unraveling, regret, and the slow, painful realization that love does not survive secrecy. But when he comes back changed—quieter, honest, undone by everything he lost—he has to prove that wanting you isn’t the same as being worthy of you.
The days that followed felt like walking through glass—sharp, deliberate, and impossible to ignore.
You stuck to your word. Completely.
In Charms, you arrived early and took a seat near the front beside Lily and Marlene. Sirius’s usual spot beside you remained empty. When he walked in late on Wednesday, his eyes immediately found you. You felt the burn of his stare on the side of your face the entire lesson. You never once looked back.
At meals, you sat at the far end of the Gryffindor table with a group of girls from your Arithmancy class. The first time you did it, Sirius froze in the entrance of the Great Hall, plate in hand, staring at the space beside his usual seat like it personally betrayed him. James had to physically tug him toward their normal spot.
He looked like shit.
His hair was more chaotic than usual, dark circles under his eyes. The easy, arrogant smirk he wore like armor had cracked. In its place was a constant scowl, jaw tight, shoulders rigid.
By Thursday, the Marauders had noticed.
You overheard Remus quietly asking him in the corridor, “Padfoot, what the hell is going on with you?” Sirius only snapped, “Nothing. Leave it,” before storming off.
He started getting reckless.
On Friday, he got into a screaming match with a group of Slytherins in the courtyard after Transfiguration. It escalated so fast that James and Remus had to pull him off Mulciber before he did something that would get him suspended. His knuckles were split open, blood dripping onto the stone as he laughed bitterly, eyes wild.
That same afternoon, you were in the library with a few friends when Elias, the Ravenclaw from the party, approached your table. He was polite, funny, and safe. You let yourself smile at him. Let yourself laugh when he made a joke about Flitwick’s singing. You even touched his arm lightly when he offered to help you with a difficult charm.
You felt him before you saw him.
Sirius was standing between two bookshelves across the room, staring. His grey eyes were murderous, locked on Elias’s hand near your arm like he wanted to set the entire library on fire. When your eyes accidentally met his, the raw pain and fury in his expression almost made you falter.
Almost.
You looked away first and kept talking to Elias.
That night, rumors spread that Sirius had blown up an entire shelf of practice dummies in the Room of Requirement. James apparently had to drag him out.
Saturday was worse.
The Great Hall was packed for breakfast. You sat with your back to the Marauders’ usual spot, refusing to give him even a glance. But you could hear everything.
Sirius was loud. Too loud. Laughing at nothing, voice sharp and mean. When a fifth-year Hufflepuff girl tried to flirt with him (the same one from the corridor), he let her sit on the arm of his chair, but his laugh was hollow. Forced. His eyes kept flicking toward your end of the table.
When one of the Beauxbatons exchange students—a tall, confident boy with dark hair and an accent—came over to your group and asked if you wanted to partner with him for the upcoming Potions project, you said yes. You even smiled at him.
The goblet in Sirius’s hand shattered.
Butterbeer and glass sprayed across the table. James cursed. Remus said something low and concerned. Sirius didn’t even clean it up. He just stood up abruptly, chair scraping loudly against the floor, and stormed out of the Great Hall without a word.
By Monday, the tension in the castle was unbearable.
You kept your head high. You laughed with your friends. You focused on your studies. You ignored the way your chest felt hollow every night when you lay in bed remembering how his body felt against yours. You were done.
But Sirius was unraveling.
He skipped more classes. Got another detention for hexing a Slytherin who looked at him wrong. During Quidditch practice, he flew like he had a death wish—diving dangerously, taking bludgers head-on. James had to bench him for the last twenty minutes.
The Marauders were openly worried now. You overheard Remus and James talking near the common room fireplace one evening:
“He won’t talk about it,” James said, running a hand through his hair. “But it’s bad, Moony. I’ve never seen him like this.”
Remus sighed. “It’s her. Has to be. They’ve been weird since that party… and now she won’t even look at him.”
You slipped away before they could see you.
On Tuesday evening, almost a full week since the fight, you were walking back from the Owlery when you felt him.
Sirius stepped out from behind a pillar, blocking your path. He looked terrible—eyes bloodshot, hair a mess, robes wrinkled like he’d slept in them. The usual effortless charm was gone. All that remained was raw, desperate exhaustion.
“You can’t keep doing this,” he said, voice hoarse. “Ignoring me. Acting like I don’t exist.”
You stopped a few feet away, arms crossed. Your voice was calm but firm.
“I can. And I will.”
He took a step closer, fingers twitching like he wanted to reach for you but knew better. The fading sunset light poured through the corridor windows, turning his grey eyes into liquid steel.
“I’m losing my fucking mind,” he admitted, the words sounding like they were ripped out of him. “I can’t sleep. I can’t think. Every time I see you laughing with someone else I want to—” He cut himself off, breathing hard.
You held his gaze without flinching.
“Good,” you said quietly. “Now you know how it felt.”
Sirius looked like you’d slapped him. For a moment, the fight drained out of him. He just stood there, broken and beautiful in the golden light, watching the girl he refused to claim walk away from him for the hundredth time.
You stepped around him and kept walking.
Behind you, his voice cracked as he called your name.
But you didn’t stop.
By the end of the week, something in Sirius finally cracked.
He stopped pretending he was fine. The reckless anger, the loud laughter, the fake flirting—all of it disappeared almost overnight. In its place was something quieter. Rawer. Almost… pathetic in how openly desperate he’d become.
It started small.
On Wednesday morning, he showed up to Charms on time for the first time in weeks. No dramatic entrance. No smirking at the girls who usually flocked to him. He sat in the back, alone, actually taking notes. When Professor Flitwick praised his perfect Silencing Charm, Sirius barely reacted. His eyes kept drifting to you at the front of the class.
During lunch, he didn’t sit with the Marauders at their usual spot. Instead, he walked straight to the far end of the Gryffindor table where you were sitting with your friends. He stopped a respectful distance away, hands shoved deep in his pockets like he didn’t trust them.
“Can I talk to you?” he asked quietly. No pet names. No cocky grin. Just raw, tired honesty.
You didn’t even look up from your plate. “No.”
He lingered anyway, shifting his weight. “Please.”
The single word—please—coming from Sirius Black felt foreign. Several heads turned. You stood up, gathered your things, and walked out without another word. You heard him exhale shakily behind you.
But he kept trying.
Thursday after Transfiguration, he waited outside the classroom like a lost dog. When you exited with Lily, he stepped forward, looking painfully out of place without his usual swagger.
“I stopped talking to her,” he said quickly, voice low. “The Hufflepuff girl. I told her nothing’s ever going to happen. I haven’t looked at anyone else since… since you walked away.”
You finally met his eyes. He looked exhausted—heavy bags under his stormy grey eyes, curls unkempt, shoulders slightly hunched like the weight of the last two years was finally crushing him.
“I don’t care who you talk to anymore, Sirius.”
“You do,” he whispered, almost like he was trying to convince himself more than you. “Because I’m losing my mind pretending I can survive without you. And the only thing keeping me going is believing you still do.”
His voice cracked on the last part. He stepped closer but didn’t touch you. For once, he didn’t try to kiss you or pull you into a corner. He just stood there, vulnerable and exposed in the middle of the bustling corridor.
“I’ve been a coward,” he continued, swallowing hard. “I wanted you so badly but I was terrified of what it meant. What loving you would mean. So I kept you close enough to keep you, but far enough that I could lie to myself.”
Your chest tightened painfully, but you kept your face neutral.
“I’m sorry,” he said, the words sounding like they burned on the way out. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
You walked past him.
By Friday, he was unraveling in the most open way possible.
He sat two rows behind you in Potions, actually paying attention instead of doodling or passing notes with James. During lunch, he left a small note on your seat before you arrived. Just three words in his messy handwriting:
I miss you.
No signature. Just the truth.
That evening in the common room, he didn’t sit with the Marauders by the fire. He sat alone in the corner, watching you quietly from across the room. When a girl tried to approach him, he gently shook his head and looked away. The rejection was so un-Sirius-like that even James looked concerned.
Later, when most people had gone to bed, he found you again.
You were reading by the window, curled up in a large armchair. He approached slowly, stopping a few feet away like he was afraid you’d bolt.
“I know you said you’re done,” he started, voice hoarse. “And I get it. I deserve it. But I’m trying, love— darling.” He corrected himself quickly, wincing. “I’m trying to be better. I stopped all the flirting. I’m going to classes. I even told McGonagall I’d redo my last essay properly.”
He let out a shaky, self-deprecating laugh and ran a hand through his hair.
“Look at me. I’m fucking pathetic. Begging in the middle of the common room like a lovesick idiot. But I don’t care anymore.” His voice dropped, cracking with raw vulnerability. “I can’t sleep without you. I can’t breathe properly. Every time I close my eyes I see you walking away from me in that corridor. And it’s killing me.”
He took one careful step closer, eyes glassy in the firelight.
“I was scared,” he admitted, barely above a whisper. “Scared that if I called you mine, you’d leave like everyone else does. My family… they ruin everything they touch. I thought if I didn’t label it, I couldn’t break it. But I broke it anyway.”
Sirius looked completely shattered—shoulders slumped, eyes desperate, the arrogant prince of Gryffindor reduced to someone quietly begging the only person who ever made him feel safe.
“I don’t know how to do this,” he whispered. “But I want to learn. For you.”
The common room was nearly empty. The fire crackled softly behind him, casting warm flickering light across his pained expression. He looked like he hadn’t slept properly in days.
He didn’t try to touch you. Didn’t try to kiss you.
He just waited.
Hoping.
At first, it was barely anything.
One evening in the common room, you were reaching for a book on a high shelf when Sirius appeared beside you silently. He levitated it down and handed it to you without a word. Your fingers brushed his for a split second. You didn’t thank him. You simply took the book and returned to your seat. But you also didn’t immediately move to another part of the room.
Days later, during a group Herbology project, Professor Sprout paired everyone randomly. Somehow, you ended up working beside him. The silence between you was heavy at first, thick enough to choke on. But when you struggled with a particularly stubborn Venomous Tentacula, Sirius spoke—voice low and careful.
“Here… tilt the shears like this. Otherwise it’ll spray you.”
You let him show you. No sarcastic comment. No lingering touch. Just quiet help. When you muttered a soft “Thanks,” his shoulders visibly relaxed, like he’d been holding his breath for weeks.
Another week passed, and the conversations grew slightly longer.
In the corridor after Defense Against the Dark Arts, he fell into step beside you. Not too close. Not touching. Just… there.
“I got full marks on the essay,” he said quietly, almost shy. “The one I rewrote. McGonagall looked shocked.”
You glanced at him sideways. His hands were shoved in his pockets, curls falling into his eyes as he stared at the floor. He looked nervous—actually nervous.
“Good for you,” you replied. Flat, but not cruel.
It was the longest sentence you’d spoken to him in nearly three weeks. Sirius’s head snapped up, a fragile spark of hope flashing across his face before he quickly hid it. He didn’t push. He just nodded and kept walking beside you until your paths split.
The change continued in small, careful pieces.
One rainy afternoon in the library, he sat at the table across from yours. Not beside you — across. Far enough to give you space, close enough that you couldn’t ignore him. When you dropped your quill, he picked it up and slid it back to you without a word. Later, when you were struggling with a complicated Arithmancy problem, he slid a piece of parchment toward you with the correct formula written in his messy handwriting.
You didn’t smile. But you used it.
And when you finished the problem correctly, you looked up and said, “You remembered how much I hate this chapter.”
Sirius’s lips twitched—not quite a smile, but close. “I remember everything about you.”
The words hung between you, heavy and honest. You didn’t respond, but you didn’t leave either. You stayed at your table, and he stayed at his. Two people orbiting each other, slowly moving closer.
A few weeks passed, and the conversations grew slightly longer.
You were sitting by the Black Lake after dinner, the water rippling gently under a pale pink and orange sunset. The air was cool, carrying the distant sound of Quidditch practice. You had your knees drawn up, arms wrapped around them, when Sirius appeared.
He didn’t sit too close. He left a respectable gap on the grass between you, folding his long legs beneath him. For several minutes, you both just watched the lake.
“I’ve been thinking a lot,” he said finally. His voice was rough, like he’d been rehearsing this. “About how I treated you. How I kept you in this… in-between because I was scared shitless of losing you. It was selfish. Really fucking selfish.”
You stayed quiet, but you didn’t get up and leave.
Sirius continued, picking at the grass beside him. “I know sorry isn’t enough. Not after two years. But I’m here. Every day. Trying. Even if you never forgive me… I’m still going to be better. For me. And for you.”
You turned your head slightly. The sunset painted his face in warm tones, highlighting the exhaustion in his eyes and the raw sincerity in the set of his mouth.
“I’m still angry,” you said quietly.
“I know.”
“I’m still hurt.”
“I know that too.” His voice cracked. He looked down at his hands. “I just… I miss hearing your voice. Even if it’s only a few words. Even if they’re angry ones.”
You didn’t respond. But when you eventually stood up to leave, you didn’t walk away immediately. You paused for a second, looking down at him.
“Goodnight, Sirius.”
It was small. Barely anything.
But his head snapped up like you’d handed him the moon. His eyes shone with something painfully hopeful.
“Goodnight,” he whispered back, voice thick.
A few days later, the common room was nearly empty.
Most people had gone to bed. The fire was low, crackling softly and casting dancing shadows across the crimson carpets. You were curled up in your usual armchair by the window when Sirius approached slowly.
He stopped in front of you, hands in his pockets.
“Can I sit?” he asked.
You hesitated… then gave a small nod.
He sat on the chair across from you, not beside you. Close enough to talk. Far enough to not crowd you. The firelight flickered over his face as he leaned forward, elbows on his knees.
“I’ve been a mess without you,” he admitted, voice barely above the crackling fire. “Not just because I want you back. But because I hate who I was to you. I hate that I made you feel like you were something I could keep in the dark.”
You studied him carefully. The vulnerability looked strange on him — almost uncomfortable, like ill-fitting clothes. But it was real.
“I’m not saying I forgive you,” you said slowly. “Not yet. Maybe not ever. But… I see you trying.”
Sirius let out a shaky breath, like he’d been holding it for days. His eyes glistened in the firelight.
“That’s more than I deserve,” he whispered. “Thank you. For even… talking to me.”
The silence that followed wasn’t comfortable. It was still heavy with everything unsaid. But it wasn’t hostile anymore.
For the first time in weeks, you didn’t feel the urge to run the second he appeared.
You were still guarded.
Still hurt.
But bit by bit… the ice was starting to crack.
The Gryffindor common room was nearly empty again, the fire burned down to glowing embers that painted the walls in soft, flickering reds. Most students had retreated to their dorms, weighed down by N.E.W.T. revision and the heavy exhaustion of seventh year. Only the occasional crack of a dying log broke the quiet.
You sat curled in your usual armchair by the window, a forgotten Charms textbook open on your lap. Sirius had asked if he could sit earlier, and you’d nodded. He’d chosen the couch closest to you instead of the one across the room—close enough that you could smell the faint trace of his woody cologne, but far enough that neither of you had to acknowledge the careful distance.
He looked different these days. Still devastatingly handsome, but quieter. The sharp edges of his usual arrogance had been sanded down by weeks of regret. His dark curls were messier than usual, like he’d been running his hands through them too often, and his grey eyes kept flicking toward you with a kind of nervous reverence he’d never shown before.
“You don’t have to stay up just because I am,” you said softly, not quite looking at him.
“I want to,” he answered immediately. His voice was low, rough around the edges. “If you’ll let me.”
The silence that followed wasn’t quite comfortable, but it wasn’t hostile anymore. It felt… fragile. Like something new and uncertain was trying to grow between you, and both of you were terrified of crushing it.
Sirius shifted on the couch, leaning forward slightly with his elbows on his knees. He was watching the fire, but you could feel his attention on you like a physical touch. Old habits. Even now, when he was trying so hard to be better, his body still gravitated toward yours.
“You were right, you know,” he said after a long pause. “About all of it. I kept you like a secret because I was scared. And I convinced myself that was enough for you. That it was enough for me.” He let out a shaky breath. “It wasn’t. I see that now.”
You swallowed, fingers tightening around the edge of your textbook. Hearing him say it so plainly still twisted something deep in your chest. “It hurt, Sirius. Every time you’d touch me like I was yours and then act like I was nothing in front of everyone else.”
He nodded slowly, jaw tight. “I know. I hate myself for it.”
Another stretch of silence. The fire popped softly.
You glanced over at him. He was already looking at you—those stormy grey eyes softer than you’d ever seen them. There was no smirk. No deflection. Just raw, aching honesty.
Without thinking, Sirius reached for you.
His hand moved instinctively across the small space between the couch and your chair, heading straight for your fingers where they rested on the armrest. The movement was so natural, so familiar—like he’d done it a thousand times before. Because he had. In private, his hands had always found yours, your thigh, your waist. Touch had been his language. His safety net.
Halfway there, he froze.
His fingers hovered just inches above yours, trembling slightly. You could see the exact moment realization hit him—this wasn’t automatic anymore. He wasn’t sure he was allowed. The confidence that used to let him pull you into his lap without asking was gone, replaced by something careful and pained.
He didn’t pull back right away. His hand just… stayed there. Suspended. Hesitating.
Your breath caught.
That small hesitation hurt worse than any of the cruel things he’d said in the corridor that day. It was proof. Real, tangible proof that he finally understood what he’d done. The old Sirius would have taken your hand without thinking, used the touch to smooth over any tension. This Sirius was learning how to sit in the discomfort instead. Learning how to want you without assuming he could have you.
His eyes lifted to yours, wide and vulnerable. “I… sorry,” he whispered, voice cracking. “I didn’t mean to—just habit. I won’t—”
He started to withdraw his hand.
You didn’t move. You just watched him, heart aching with a messy tangle of tenderness and old pain.
Sirius swallowed hard, curling his fingers into a loose fist before letting his hand drop back to his own knee. The space between you felt heavier now. Charged with everything he wasn’t letting himself take.
“I’m trying,” he said quietly, almost to himself. “I don’t want to touch you just because it feels good anymore. I want… I want to earn it. If you ever let me again.”
The firelight flickered across his face, highlighting the faint flush on his cheekbones and the way his throat worked as he fought to keep himself still.
You didn’t reach for him. Not yet.
But for the first time in weeks, the idea of it didn’t feel impossible.
The Gryffindor common room was more crowded than usual for a Thursday evening. Groups of students were scattered across the couches and armchairs, some revising, others playing Exploding Snap or simply enjoying the rare lull before exams swallowed them whole. The fire burned steadily, casting a warm, golden glow over everything.
You were sitting near the window again, sharing a low table with Lily and Marlene, half-listening to them debate the best way to brew a Pepperup Potion. Your eyes kept drifting across the room.
Sirius sat on the long couch by the fireplace with James and Remus. He wasn’t sprawled like he used to—legs stretched out, taking up space like the world owed him comfort. Instead, he sat more upright, quieter, one elbow resting on his knee as he stared into the flames. He looked tired but present. The sharp, restless energy that once defined him had dulled into something heavier.
A fifth-year Gryffindor girl—pretty, with curly auburn hair and a confident smile—had been hovering near their group for the last few minutes. She finally gathered her courage and approached, perching on the arm of the couch right beside Sirius.
“Hi, Sirius,” she said brightly, twirling a strand of hair around her finger. “I was hoping you’d be here. You were brilliant at last Saturday’s practice. The way you dodged that Bludger? Everyone’s still talking about it.”
Her voice carried just enough to reach your table. You kept your expression neutral, but your quill paused over your parchment.
Old Sirius would have leaned into it immediately. A lazy smirk, a flirtatious drawl, maybe even tugged her down onto the couch beside him just to see how you’d react. He used to thrive on that kind of attention—using it like armor.
But this Sirius barely moved.
He lifted his head, grey eyes flicking up to her face for a moment. There was no spark. No crooked grin. No effortless charm turned on like a switch.
“Thanks,” he said. His voice was polite, but flat. Almost distant. “Appreciate it.”
The girl leaned in a little closer, clearly expecting more. “A few of us are heading to the Astronomy Tower later if you wanted to come? It’s supposed to be a clear night. Could be fun…”
She let the invitation hang, hopeful.
Sirius shifted slightly on the couch. For a second his eyes instinctively drifted toward you across the room. When they met yours, something raw and uncertain passed through them. Then he looked back at the girl.
“Not interested,” he said quietly. No smirk. No teasing lilt to soften the rejection. Just simple, honest truth. “Sorry.”
The girl blinked, clearly surprised. A flush crept up her cheeks. “Oh… right. Um, no worries.” She gave an awkward little laugh and quickly retreated back toward her friends.
A few heads turned. Whispers rippled through the nearby groups. Sirius Black turning down a girl so directly—and without any flair—was unusual enough to notice.
James raised an eyebrow from beside him, but didn’t say anything yet. Remus just watched quietly, a small, knowing look on his face.
You felt your chest tighten. Not with jealousy this time, but with something more complicated. Tenderness. Pain. Hope. Because that rejection hadn’t been for show. He hadn’t glanced at you first to make sure you were watching. He’d just… done it. Naturally. Like flirting with other girls no longer even crossed his mind as an option.
Sirius’s shoulders were tense. He ran a hand through his curls, exhaling slowly, then leaned back against the couch. His gaze found you again across the room—longer this time. There was no triumph in it. Just quiet vulnerability. Like he was silently asking: Did you see that? Is this enough?
You didn’t smile. But you held his gaze for several heartbeats before looking back down at your notes, your fingers trembling slightly around your quill.
The common room noise continued around them—laughter, flipping pages, and the occasional snap of cards—but the space between Sirius and his friends felt suddenly smaller.
James waited until the fifth-year girl had fully retreated before he scooted closer on the couch. He moved casually, like he was just shifting for comfort, but Remus caught the deliberate shift and subtly turned his attention elsewhere, giving them a sliver of privacy.
James leaned in, voice low enough that only Sirius could hear.
“Alright, mate,” he said quietly, eyes flicking briefly toward you across the room before returning to his best friend. “What the hell is going on with you?”
Sirius didn’t look at him right away. He kept his gaze fixed on the fire, jaw tight. “Nothing.”
“Bollocks.” James’s voice was gentle but firm. He leaned in even closer, elbows on his knees. “You just turned down a girl who was practically throwing herself at you. No smirk. No clever line. You didn’t even look at her properly. That’s not you, Padfoot.”
Sirius let out a slow breath, running a hand through his messy curls. His shoulders were tense, like the weight of the last few weeks was pressing down on him all at once.
James watched him carefully for a long moment. Then, even quieter, almost hesitant, he asked:
“Do you love her?”
The question landed heavily between them.
Sirius froze. For several long seconds, the only sound was the crackling fire and the distant murmur of students. His hands clenched into fists on his knees. The old Sirius would’ve laughed it off. Cracked a joke. Changed the subject with a wink. Anything to avoid saying it out loud.
But he didn’t.
He swallowed hard, throat working visibly. When he finally spoke, his voice was rough, low, and stripped of every defense he used to hide behind.
“Yeah,” he admitted. “I do.”
James’s eyebrows rose slightly, but he stayed quiet, letting the words breathe.
Sirius kept going, the confession spilling out like it had been trapped inside him for years. “I love her. Been in love with her for a long time. I was just too fucking scared to say it. To make it real.” His voice cracked on the last word. “I thought if I didn’t call it anything, I couldn’t ruin it. But I ruined it anyway.”
He finally turned his head to look at James. There was no smirk. No mask. Just raw, exhausted honesty in those grey eyes.
“I hurt her, Prongs. Badly. For two years I kept her close when it suited me and pushed her away when it got too real. And now…” He glanced across the room toward you again, something tender and aching flickering across his face. “Now I’m trying to fix it. But I don’t even know if she’ll let me. And I deserve that.”
James was quiet for a beat, studying his best friend like he was seeing a new side of him.
“Merlin,” James said softly, almost to himself. “You really mean it.”
Sirius gave a small, broken nod. “Yeah. I do.”
The two of them sat in silence after that. James reached over and clapped a hand on Sirius’s shoulder—brief, grounding, brotherly—before pulling back. No big speeches. No teasing. Just quiet understanding.
Across the room, you couldn’t hear what was said. But you saw the way James leaned in. You saw the tension in Sirius’s shoulders. You saw the way he looked at you afterward—longer, heavier, more vulnerable than ever.
And for the first time, you wondered if maybe… just maybe… he was finally ready to say the things he’d spent years avoiding.
The rain was relentless that Friday night, drumming hard against the tower windows and turning the world outside into a blur of grey and silver. Most students had already disappeared into their dorms, but you and Sirius had ended up in the small alcove off the boys’ staircase—a tucked-away window seat hidden behind a heavy tapestry that smelled of dust and old magic. It had become one of the few places where the careful distance between you sometimes felt a little smaller.
You sat with your back against the stone wall, legs stretched across the cushioned bench. Sirius sat opposite you, one knee drawn up, his long fingers tracing idle patterns on the fabric between you. The storm outside made the space feel smaller. Intimate. Dangerous.
You’d been talking for nearly an hour—real talking. Not the shallow, safe conversations you’d been having for the past few weeks. He’d asked about your Arithmancy exam. You’d asked him why he’d started skipping Quidditch practice. Slowly, carefully, the words had deepened.
“I keep thinking about that day in the corridor,” you admitted quietly, eyes on the rain-streaked window. “When I walked away. Part of me still expects you to disappear again the second things get real.”
Sirius was quiet for a long moment. The firelight from a nearby wall sconce flickered across his face, highlighting the sharp line of his jaw and the shadows under his eyes. He looked like he hadn’t been sleeping much.
“I deserve that fear,” he said eventually. His voice was low, rough. “I earned it.”
You glanced at him. He was watching you with that new, unguarded intensity—the one that still made your stomach flutter even after everything. His hand had inched closer across the cushion, not quite touching yours, but close enough that you could feel the warmth.
The silence stretched. Vulnerable. Heavy.
Then Sirius shifted. You saw the exact moment the old instinct kicked in—the panic behind his eyes, the need to lighten the weight before it crushed him.
He let out a short, forced chuckle and rubbed the back of his neck. “Merlin, listen to us. We sound like we’re in some tragic romance novel. Next thing you know I’ll be writing you bad poetry and reciting it dramatically in the Great Hall.”
It was a stupid joke. Classic Sirius deflection. Light. Easy. Safe.
Your stomach dropped.
Here we go again.
The familiar chill settled in your chest. You pulled your legs back slightly, creating more space between you without meaning to. Your expression shuttered. You’d heard jokes like that for two years—right before he’d kiss you senseless and then tell James you were “just mates” the next morning.
You looked away toward the rain. “Yeah,” you said, voice quieter. “Hilarious.”
Sirius froze.
The silence that followed was brutal. He could see it on your face—the way you’d braced yourself, the way your shoulders had tensed like you were preparing for him to run.
His hand, which had been hovering near yours, curled into a fist on the cushion.
“Fuck,” he whispered.
You didn’t look at him. “It’s fine. You don’t have to—”
“No.” The word came out sharp. He caught himself immediately, softening his tone. “No, it’s not fine.”
He shifted closer, but still didn’t touch you. His knee brushed the side of your leg, but he kept his hands to himself. You could see the battle happening behind his eyes—the old Sirius screaming to make a joke, change the subject, pull you into a kiss so he wouldn’t have to feel this exposed. The fear was there, raw and obvious.
But he didn’t run.
Instead, he swallowed hard and forced himself to stay right there. His voice came out strained, like every word hurt.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “That was… that was me being scared. Again.” He let out a shaky breath and ran a hand through his curls, gripping them for a second like it grounded him. “I felt it getting heavy and I tried to dodge it. Old habit. Two years of training myself to run the second things felt real.”
He looked at you then—really looked. Grey eyes stormy with fear and determination.
“I don’t want to do that anymore,” he continued, voice cracking slightly. “I don’t want to make you wait for me to be brave. So I’m staying. Even if I feel like I’m going to throw up from how terrifying this is.”
The honesty hit you hard. You searched his face, waiting for the smirk, the retreat, the mask.
It didn’t come.
Sirius stayed exactly where he was. Shoulders tense, hands clenched like he was physically holding himself in place, but he didn’t pull away. He didn’t joke again. He just sat in the discomfort with you.
“I’m still shit at this,” he admitted after a long pause, voice barely above the sound of the rain. “I’m going to mess up again. Probably soon. But I’m trying to catch it now instead of letting it win.” His eyes softened, almost pleading. “Tell me when I do it. Please. Don’t just… shut down and walk away like I deserve. Yell at me if you have to. Just don’t let me get away with it anymore.”
Your throat felt tight. The relapse had been small—just a stupid joke—but it had triggered every insecurity you still carried. Yet watching him fight against two years of instinct, watching him choose to stay… it cracked something in you.
You didn’t reach for his hand.
But you also didn’t move away.
“I hate how easy it still is for you to do that,” you whispered.
“I know,” he said immediately. No defense. No excuse. Just quiet acceptance. “Me too.”
The rain continued to pour outside. Inside the little alcove, the air felt thick with everything still broken between you—and everything that might, someday, be repaired.
Sirius didn’t try to touch you. He didn’t try to kiss the moment better.
He simply stayed.
And for the two of you, that was everything.
The Great Hall was loud with the usual morning chaos. Sunlight streamed through the enchanted ceiling, showing a bright, cloudless sky. Owl post fluttered down between tables, students laughed and argued over plates piled high with toast, eggs, bacon, and steaming porridge. It felt almost normal.
Except nothing between you and Sirius had felt normal in a long time.
He’d found you outside the portrait hole that morning. No grand gesture. Just a quiet “Can I walk with you?” and a careful half-step of distance as you made your way down. Now, as you entered the hall together, he didn’t head toward his usual spot with the Marauders. Instead, he followed you to the far end of the Gryffindor table where you’d been sitting with your friends for weeks.
When you slid onto the bench, Sirius sat down right beside you. Close. No space left for interpretation. His thigh pressed warmly against yours, and this time he didn’t hide it under the table.
You tensed for half a second—old instinct—but he didn’t pull away. His hand came to rest lightly on the bench between you, his pinky finger brushing against the side of your hand. Open. Visible. Deliberate.
James, Remus, and Peter were already seated a little further down. James did a double-take when he saw where Sirius had chosen to sit, but he quickly hid his surprise behind a grin and a mouthful of toast.
You reached for some scrambled eggs, hyper-aware of every point of contact. Sirius’s shoulder brushed yours as he leaned forward to grab the pumpkin juice. He poured some into your goblet first without asking, then his own. Small things. But they felt enormous in the bright morning light of the Great Hall.
A few seats away, Marlene raised an eyebrow but said nothing. Dorcas just smirked into her tea.
The minutes passed in a strange, humming tension. Sirius didn’t try to fill the silence with jokes or flirtatious comments. He simply existed beside you—solid, quiet, and openly there.
Then it happened.
One of the sixth-year girls who used to flirt with him—the same one from weeks ago—walked past the table with a group of friends. She slowed when she saw the two of you sitting so closely. Her eyes flicked down to where Sirius’s hand now rested near yours in plain view.
She let out a surprised little laugh. “Wait… you two together now, then?”
The question landed casually, like it was nothing. But the entire section of the table seemed to pause. James stopped chewing. Remus looked up from his book. Even Peter’s fork hovered mid-air.
Everyone knew the script. They’d heard Sirius say “We’re just mates” a hundred times. They expected the deflection. The easy smirk. The casual denial.
Sirius went still.
For a moment, you felt that familiar twist in your stomach—the fear that the old pattern would win again. That he’d crack a joke, pull his hand away, protect himself like he always had.
But he didn’t.
Instead, he turned his head and looked at you first.
Really looked. His stormy grey eyes were soft and uncertain, but steady. The noise of the Great Hall seemed to fade as he searched your face, giving you the chance to stop him if you wanted. His pinky finger curled gently around yours on the bench—the smallest, bravest touch.
Then he turned back to the girl and answered, voice calm and clear:
“Yeah.”
The single word dropped like a stone into still water.
He didn’t stop there.
“If she’ll still have me,” he added quietly, the vulnerability in his voice unmistakable. No smirk. No charm. Just raw honesty in front of half the Gryffindor table.
The girl blinked, caught off guard. A few whispers rippled down the table. James broke into a wide, proud grin. Remus gave a small, approving nod.
You felt your heart stutter.
Sirius’s hand shifted. He slowly slid his fingers over yours properly this time—no hiding, no secrecy. His grip was warm and a little unsteady, like he was still terrified you might pull away.
He didn’t look at anyone else. Just you.
“I’m done pretending,” he said, low enough that only you could hear, though the whole table was watching. “I should’ve said this a long time ago.”
Your throat tightened. The old wound—the one that had bled for nearly two years every time he called you “just mates”—ached sharply… and then began to ease.
You didn’t answer with words. Not yet.
But you turned your hand over and laced your fingers through his. Right there on the Gryffindor table in the middle of breakfast. Open. Honest. Claimed.
Sirius let out a shaky breath, his shoulders finally relaxing as he squeezed your hand like it was the only thing anchoring him.
For the first time, the entire Great Hall saw what had always been true.
You weren’t just mates.
You never had been.
Later that evening, the Gryffindor common room had emptied out again. Only the low crackle of the dying fire remained, casting long, gentle shadows across the crimson carpets. You and Sirius had claimed the same window seat alcove where the relapse had happened days ago. This time, the space between you felt smaller. Safer. But still fragile.
Sirius sat with his back against the stone wall, one leg stretched out along the bench. You were curled up beside him, your shoulder brushing his arm. His hand rested openly on your knee—no hesitation, no hiding. He’d been like this since breakfast: quietly attentive, like he was afraid the moment might slip away if he wasn’t careful.
The silence had stretched for several minutes, comfortable but heavy with everything still unsaid.
You stared at the rain-streaked window, watching droplets race each other down the glass. Your throat felt tight. The public claim earlier had cracked something open inside you, and now it was all spilling out whether you wanted it to or not.
“I need to say something,” you whispered.
Sirius turned his head toward you immediately. “I’m listening.”
You took a shaky breath. Your fingers traced the seam of your skirt, avoiding his eyes.
“I’ve been thinking a lot about what happened between us. Not just what you did… but what I did too.” Your voice wavered. “I enabled it, Sirius. For two years, I let you keep me in the dark. I accepted every crumb you gave me—the secret touches, the late-night whispers, the way you’d fuck me like I was everything and then call me ‘just mates’ the next morning. And I stayed. Even when it was killing me.”
Sirius’s hand tightened slightly on your knee, but he stayed quiet. Letting you speak.
“I told myself it was enough,” you continued, the words burning on the way out. “That having you in private was better than not having you at all. I got so used to being loved privately that I stopped believing I deserved to be loved properly.”
Your voice cracked on the last word. You finally looked at him, eyes glassy.
“I was scared too. Scared that if I pushed you, you’d leave. So I stayed silent. I played the game with you. I used jealousy as a weapon—flirting with Elias, letting those boys dance with me at the party—because it was the only way I knew how to hurt you back. I let the cycle keep going because admitting I deserved more felt more terrifying than staying in the pain I knew.”
A tear slipped down your cheek. You wiped it away angrily.
“I’m sorry,” you whispered. “For letting you treat me like a secret. For treating myself like one too.”
Sirius was quiet for a long moment. His grey eyes were wide and raw, glistening in the firelight. You could see how deeply your words hit him—not with defensiveness, but with understanding.
He slowly lifted his hand from your knee and gently cupped the side of your face, thumb brushing away another tear. His touch was tender. Careful. Like he was handling something precious he’d almost broken beyond repair.
“Merlin,” he breathed, voice rough. “I never wanted you to feel like that. But I know I made you feel it.” He swallowed hard. “Thank you for saying it. For being brave enough to admit your part when I’ve been owning mine.”
He leaned his forehead against yours, eyes closed.
“We both fucked this up,” he murmured. “I ran from loving you out loud. You stayed when it hurt because you thought it was all you’d get. But you deserve everything, darling. Not crumbs. Not secrets. Not late-night versions of me. You deserve the version of me that sits next to you in the Great Hall and tells the whole bloody world you’re mine.”
You let out a watery laugh, your hands coming up to clutch his shirt.
“I’m still scared,” you admitted softly.
“I know. Me too.” He pulled back just enough to look at you properly. “But I’m not going anywhere. And I’m never hiding you again. We do this properly this time. Messy. Slow. Honest. Even when it’s terrifying.”
The fire popped softly behind you. Outside, the rain continued falling, but inside the alcove it felt like the first real breath either of you had taken in years.
Sirius pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead, then your temple, then lingered against your cheek—not demanding, not possessive. Just… there.
“I love you,” he whispered against your skin. The words came easier now. “Out loud. In public. Wherever you’ll let me say it.”
You closed your eyes, letting the truth of it settle deep in your chest.
“I love you too,” you whispered back.
For the first time, it didn’t feel like settling.
It felt like beginning.
A month had passed.
The Gryffindor common room was quiet again, wrapped in the soft hush of late night. Most students had long since gone to bed. Only the low, steady crackle of the fire remained, casting a warm amber glow across the crimson furniture and worn rugs. Outside the tall windows, snow fell gently, blanketing the grounds in silence.
You sat curled in the corner of the large couch, legs stretched along the cushions. Sirius lay with his head in your lap, eyes closed, his dark curls spilling over your thighs like ink. One of his arms was draped loosely across your legs, fingers resting lightly against your knee. There was no tension in his body tonight. No guarded edges. Just the steady rise and fall of his breathing and the quiet contentment of someone who had finally stopped running.
Your fingers moved slowly through his hair, untangling the knots with the same gentle rhythm you used months ago, but everything felt different now. Softer. Safer.
Sirius hummed lowly, a sound of pure contentment, and turned his face slightly toward your stomach. His nose brushed against the fabric of your sweater as he nuzzled closer.
“Keep doing that and I might fall asleep right here,” he murmured, voice rough with tiredness and warmth. The same words he’d said once before, but this time there was no fear beneath them.
You smiled, nails scratching lightly against his scalp. “Wouldn’t be the worst thing.”
He cracked one eye open, grey eyes soft in the firelight as he looked up at you. No mask. No deflection. Just open, steady affection.
The portrait hole swung open with a quiet creak. Marlene and Dorcas stumbled in, cheeks flushed from a late-night walk around the castle. They paused when they saw the two of you, Marlene’s mouth curving into a familiar teasing grin.
“Oi, lovebirds,” she called softly, not wanting to wake anyone. “Get a room, yeah?”
Sirius didn’t tense. He didn’t pull away or make a sarcastic remark to downplay it. Instead, a small, lazy smirk tugged at his lips as he nestled deeper into your lap.
“Already have one,” he replied, voice low and easy. His hand slid a little higher on your thigh, not possessive, just affectionate. “Right here.”
Marlene laughed quietly, rolling her eyes as she and Dorcas headed toward the girls’ staircase. “Disgusting. I’m happy for you two, though.”
The portrait hole clicked shut behind them, leaving the common room in peaceful quiet once more.
Sirius shifted slightly, turning so he could look up at you properly. For a long moment, he just studied your face, his expression tender and unguarded. Then he reached up, fingers gently brushing a strand of hair behind your ear.
“I love you,” he whispered. Simple. Honest. No performance.
You leaned down and kissed him softly. No heat. No desperation. Just a slow, gentle press of lips that tasted like peace and belonging. When you pulled back, he smiled against your mouth.
This time, you didn’t feel hidden.
You didn’t wonder what tomorrow would bring or whether he’d pretend again in the morning. There was only the warmth of his head in your lap, the steady weight of his arm across your legs, and the quiet certainty that he was yours — openly, completely, gently.
“I love you too,” you whispered back, fingers resuming their slow path through his hair.
Sirius let out a contented sigh and closed his eyes again, trusting you completely in the firelight.
The late afternoon sun slants through the narrow kitchen window of your shared apartment, painting everything in warm gold and soft shadows. The place is small but alive—second-hand furniture that doesn’t quite match, a lopsided bookshelf overflowing with Peter’s physics textbooks and your novels, and the faint smell of burnt toast that somehow never quite leaves the air. You’re at the stove stirring a pot of pasta sauce, humming under your breath, when the front door creaks open.
Peter stumbles in, backpack slung over one shoulder, hair a complete disaster from the wind (or maybe from swinging between buildings—you’ve learned not to ask too many questions). His flannel shirt is buttoned wrong, one side hanging lower than the other, and there’s a faint smudge of grease on his cheek from whatever he was tinkering with in the lab today.
“Hey,” he says, voice a little too bright, like he’s trying to sound casual but his cheeks are already dusting pink. “You’re cooking? Again? I thought we agreed I’d handle dinner tonight so you wouldn’t have to—”
“You handled dinner last night,” you remind him with a grin, glancing over your shoulder. “I’m still recovering from the Great Ramen Incident of 2025.”
He winces, rubbing the back of his neck. “Okay, fair. But I’ve been practicing. I even watched a YouTube tutorial this time. With… subtitles.”
You laugh, and the sound makes his shoulders relax a fraction. He drops his bag by the door and pads over in socked feet, hovering just behind you like he’s not sure if he’s allowed to get closer. The kitchen is tiny; his chest nearly brushes your back when he reaches up to grab plates from the cabinet above your head. You catch the scent of him—faint laundry detergent, a little bit of ozone like he’s been out in the rain, and something warmer, sweeter, that’s just Peter.
“Need help?” he asks, voice softer now. His fingers accidentally graze yours when he hands you the plates. He yanks his hand back like he’s been burned, then immediately pretends to be very interested in the wooden spoon you’re holding.
You let him stir the sauce while you set the table. The two of you move around each other in that comfortable, slightly clumsy way roommates do when they’ve started syncing up without meaning to. He keeps stealing glances at you when he thinks you’re not looking—watching the way you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, the way the sunlight catches on your collarbone when you lean over the counter.
Dinner ends up on the tiny couch because the dining table is currently covered in Peter’s half-finished web-shooter prototype (he swore he’d clear it by tonight, but “time got away from me”). You sit cross-legged with your plate balanced on your knee. Peter folds himself into the opposite corner, knees drawn up, trying to take up as little space as possible even though his long limbs make it impossible.
The conversation flows easy at first—your terrible coworker story, his latest rant about how Dr. Connors keeps assigning impossible deadlines. But somewhere between the second helping of pasta and the third time he laughs at one of your jokes, he gets quieter. His eyes keep drifting to your mouth when you talk, then flicking away guiltily. When you reach over to steal a piece of garlic bread from his plate, his ears turn bright red.
“You’ve got sauce on your cheek,” he blurts suddenly.
You swipe at it and miss. Peter leans forward without thinking, thumb gently brushing the corner of your mouth. The touch is feather-light, barely there, but he freezes the second he realizes what he’s doing. His hazel eyes widen behind his glasses, and for a second the whole room feels smaller, warmer, like the air itself is holding its breath.
“S-sorry,” he stammers, pulling back so fast he nearly knocks his water glass over. “I just—there was—y’know. Sauce. Red sauce. On your face. And I—uh.”
He gestures vaguely at your cheek, then at his own, then gives up and stares very intently at his pasta like it holds the secrets of the universe.
You bite your lip to keep from smiling too obviously. “Thanks, Pete.”
“Yeah. No problem. Totally normal roommate thing. Helping with… facial sauce.” He clears his throat, voice cracking just a little on the last word.
The rest of the evening passes in that same sweet, slightly charged haze. You end up watching an old sitcom rerun because neither of you can agree on a movie. Peter keeps adjusting the blanket he draped over both your laps, making sure you’re covered even though he’s clearly getting cold himself. Every time you shift and your knee brushes his thigh, he tenses, then forces himself to relax again like he’s trying not to be obvious.
When the episode ends and you start yawning, he walks you to your bedroom door (it’s literally five steps down the hall, but he does it anyway). He lingers there, one hand braced on the doorframe, the other fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.
“Night,” he says, too softly. His eyes flick down to your lips for half a second before snapping back up. “I, um… I really like coming home to this. To you. I mean—to the apartment. With you in it. Not that I don’t like the apartment by itself, but it’s better when you’re—”
He cuts himself off with a quiet, embarrassed groan and presses his forehead against the doorframe for a second. “I’m gonna stop talking now.”
You lean against your door, heart doing something dangerously fluttery. “Goodnight, Peter.”
He gives you the shyest, sweetest smile you’ve ever seen—like he’s been caught with his hand in the cookie jar but doesn’t entirely regret it.
“Night,” he whispers again, then forces himself to turn and shuffle toward his own room, ears still flaming red.
The door clicks shut behind him, but you can hear the faint thud of him leaning back against it on the other side, followed by a very quiet, very heartfelt “Oh my god, Parker, get it together.”
You smile into the dark of your room, cheeks warm, already wondering what tomorrow morning’s awkward coffee ritual is going to look like now that his crush is no longer even a little bit subtle.
[library]⋆.📎
⬩➤ note: I GENUINELY LOVE AWKWARD ROOMMATE TROPES ARGHWGEHEG, since you get like 3 marauders fanfic in the span of 2 weeks have this marvel drabble while I write my fics hehehhehe
⬩➤ details: nsfw, profanity, situationship, undefined relationship, toxic situationship, jealousy, possessiveness, emotional dependency, mutual obsession, miscommunication, angst, sexual themes, “we’re just friends” trope, public denial/private intimacy, breakup, betrayal of trust, confrontation, blurred boundaries
⬩➤ wordcount: 8.0k
⬩➤ note: i was actually so excited to write this one, so much that I accidentally made it too long and had to cut it in half lol. hope u like it! (was supposed to actually post this in my other account since it's nsfw but oh well.....)
⬩➤ synopsis:
You were never officially his. Not his girlfriend, not his anything—just a name he never quite stopped coming back to. But when the lines between friendship, desire, and possession blur too far, what starts as something unspoken begins to feel dangerously like love. And when you finally see where you stand in his world, you’re forced to decide whether being “just mates” is something you can survive anymore.
The Gryffindor common room is almost empty, the fire crackling low in the hearth like it’s whispering secrets to the shadows. Most people have already disappeared to their dorms, chasing sleep before another brutal week of N.E.W.T. revision. But not you. And definitely not him.
Sirius is sprawled across the worn crimson couch like he owns it, his dark curls fanned out over your lap. His head rests heavy and warm against your thighs, one arm lazily draped across your legs as if anchoring you there. The common room’s golden light flickers over his sharp cheekbones and the faint scar near his jaw, making him look dangerously soft in a way only you ever get to see.
Your fingers card slowly through his hair, tugging gently at the knots the way he likes. A low, contented hum vibrates from his chest. His free hand traces lazy circles on the inside of your knee, slipping just beneath the hem of your skirt. The touch is absentminded, familiar, possessive.
“Keep doing that and I might fall asleep right here,” he murmurs, voice rough with exhaustion and that signature lazy drawl. “Wouldn’t be the worst thing. Waking up with you like this…”
You smile despite yourself, but there’s that familiar twist in your chest. The same one that’s been there since fifth year. Because this—his head in your lap, his fingers on your skin, the way he says things like that—is everything a boyfriend would do.
Except he isn’t.
You’re not his girlfriend. He’s not your boyfriend. You’ve never been anything with a label. Just… this. Whatever this is. A complicated, addictive, messy tangle that neither of you has the guts to name.
A log pops in the fireplace. Sirius shifts slightly, turning his face toward your stomach. His breath is warm through the fabric of your shirt.
“Long day?” you ask quietly, nails scratching lightly against his scalp.
“Fucking McGonagall breathing down my neck about Transfiguration theory. As if I don’t already know it better than half the class.” He smirks, eyes still closed. “Then Evans lectured me for ten minutes about ‘responsibility’ because I hexed that Slytherin git in the corridor. Worth it, though.”
You let out a soft laugh. Your hand drifts down to the side of his neck, thumb brushing over the pulse point there. He tilts his head just enough to press a slow, open-mouthed kiss against your thigh. The casual intimacy of it makes your stomach flip.
No one else gets this version of him. The lazy, almost vulnerable Sirius who lets you touch him like this. Who seeks you out after every bad day. Who looks at you like you’re the only steady thing in his chaotic world.
But the second someone else walks into the room, the mask slides back on.
As if summoned by your thoughts, the portrait hole swings open. Marlene McKinnon stumbles in, giggling, with Dorcas Meadowes right behind her. They both freeze when they see the two of you.
Sirius doesn’t move. His hand stays high on your thigh, fingers still tracing patterns like he couldn’t care less who sees. But you feel the tiniest shift in his body—the way his shoulders tense just slightly.
“Oi, lovebirds,” Marlene teases, grinning as she heads toward the girls’ staircase. “Get a room, yeah?”
Dorcas snorts. “Pretty sure they already have several.”
Sirius cracks one eye open, flashing that devastating, crooked grin. “Jealous, McKinnon?”
Marlene rolls her eyes and disappears up the stairs with a laugh. The portrait hole swings shut again, leaving the common room quiet once more.
You wait.
The silence stretches.
Finally, you speak, voice low. “You know… they all think we’re together.”
Sirius opens both eyes this time. He stares up at you, grey eyes unreadable in the firelight. For a second, something flickers across his face—something almost like panic—but it’s gone so fast you might’ve imagined it.
He shrugs one shoulder. “People think a lot of things.”
His hand squeezes your thigh, a silent reminder. A claim without words.
You bite the inside of your cheek. The familiar sting rises in your throat, but you swallow it down. This is how it always goes. He gives you everything except the one thing you keep waiting for.
Sirius sits up slowly, the loss of his weight in your lap leaving you colder than it should. He turns to face you fully, one knee braced on the couch between your legs. The fire paints warm shadows across his face as he leans in close.
His fingers catch your chin, tilting your face up to his.
“Don’t do that,” he says softly. There’s a warning edge beneath the gentleness.
“Do what?”
“Get that look. Like you’re thinking too much again.” His thumb brushes your lower lip. “We’re good, aren’t we? You and me. Like this.”
Like this.
The words hang between you. Heavy. Insufficient.
You meet his gaze, searching those stormy grey eyes. “Yeah,” you whisper, even though it feels like a lie. “We’re good.”
A slow, satisfied smirk curves his mouth. He closes the distance and kisses you—slow at first, almost sweet. Then deeper. Hungrier. His hand slides into your hair, gripping just tight enough to make you gasp against his lips. The kiss tastes like firewhisky from earlier and the familiar comfort of too many late nights.
When he pulls back, his forehead rests against yours. His breathing is uneven.
“Stay with me tonight,” he murmurs. “My bed. The others are all out cold by now.”
You laugh quietly, a little breathless. “You’re so demanding.”
“Only with you, darling.”
There it is again. Darling. The pet name that makes your heart ache and race at the same time.
You should ask him. Right now. What are we, Sirius? The words are on the tip of your tongue, the same ones that have been choking you for nearly two years.
But you already know what he’ll say.
Why ruin it? We don’t need labels. You know you’re the only one I want.
And you’ll accept it. Because as messy and frustrating and toxic as this is—him acting like you’re his entire world in private while refusing to claim you in public—you’re addicted to it. To him.
Just like he’s addicted to you.
Sirius kisses you again, softer this time, like he can taste the uncertainty on your lips and wants to kiss it away. His hand slips further up your thigh, possessive and warm.
“Come on,” he whispers against your mouth. “Let’s go upstairs before I decide I can’t wait and take you right here on this couch.”
You let him pull you up, fingers intertwined. As you follow him toward the boys’ staircase, his arm slides around your waist, holding you close like he’s afraid you might slip away.
For tonight, at least, he’s yours.
Even if tomorrow he’ll smirk and tell James “Nah, we’re just mates” again.
And you’ll let him.
Because that’s what you two do.
The morning light filters weakly through the heavy crimson curtains of the boys’ dormitory, casting a soft, golden haze over everything. Sirius’s four-poster bed is an absolute wreck—sheets tangled and twisted around your bodies, half the pillows tossed onto the floor, your skirt and his shirt lying in a careless heap near the edge. The air still hangs heavy with the evidence of last night: the musky scent of sweat, the faint trace of firewhisky on his breath, and that warm, woody cologne he always wears that now clings to your own skin.
You wake slowly, every muscle deliciously sore in the best possible way. Flashes of the night before keep flickering through your mind—Sirius’s hands gripping your hips as he pulled you down onto him, the low, wrecked sounds he made against your throat when you moved just right, the way he’d kissed you like he was trying to devour every moan. How he’d held you tight afterward, chest heaving, refusing to let even an inch of space come between you until sleep finally claimed you both.
His bare chest is pressed flush against your back now, warm and solid. One strong arm is slung possessively over your waist, fingers splayed wide across your stomach like he’s claiming every inch even in his sleep. His breath fans steadily against the nape of your neck, lips brushing your skin with every exhale. The faint scratch of his stubble sends tiny sparks down your spine.
You shift just a little, testing the ache between your thighs, and Sirius stirs immediately behind you. His arm tightens, pulling you back against him with a low, sleepy groan.
“Morning, darling,” he rasps, voice rough and intimate against your ear. He presses a slow, open-mouthed kiss to your bare shoulder, then drags his teeth over the same spot, making you shiver. “Mmm… still here. Good. I like waking up to you like this.”
His hand slides lower, fingertips tracing lazy circles over your hip before slipping down to squeeze your thigh. There’s a smirk in his tone even though his eyes are barely open. “Did I wear you out last night? You were making such pretty sounds for me.”
You turn in his arms to face him properly. His grey eyes are soft and dark in the dim morning light, his dark curls wildly tousled from your fingers running through them hours earlier. A few faint love bites mark his neck—marks you left on him. He looks devastatingly beautiful like this: unguarded, rumpled, and completely focused on you. In these stolen moments behind closed curtains, he’s entirely yours.
You reach up and brush your fingers through his messy hair, tugging gently at the roots the way he likes. “You’re impossible in the mornings.”
Sirius chuckles lowly, the sound vibrating through his chest. He leans in and kisses you—slow, deep, and unhurried. His hand roams down your side, squeezing your waist, then your thigh again, like he’s considering pulling you on top of him for another round. The kiss deepens, his tongue brushing yours, tasting like sleep and leftover desire. For a few perfect minutes, nothing else exists.
But reality always creeps back in.
You eventually pull away, breathless. “We should go down. Breakfast will end soon, and we’ve already been missing too many meals lately.”
He groans dramatically, burying his face in the crook of your neck and nipping at your skin. “Skip with me. I’d much rather stay here and have you instead. Slowly this time.”
The words send heat rushing through you, but you force yourself to slip out of his warm embrace. You feel his eyes on you the entire time as you move around the bed—watching intently while you tug your shirt back on, smooth down your rumpled skirt, and try to fix your hair in the small mirror by his bedside. His gaze is dark and hungry, lingering on the faint marks he left on your collarbone that you’ll have to hide later.
By the time you both sneak down the spiral staircase and push through the portrait hole into the Great Hall, the hall is already alive with noise. Sunlight streams brightly through the enchanted ceiling, showing a clear blue sky. The long Gryffindor table is packed with students chatting loudly, clinking cutlery, and passing around platters of scrambled eggs, crispy bacon, buttered toast, and jugs of pumpkin juice.
Sirius walks in first, shoulders relaxed, that signature arrogant swagger firmly in place. The second he steps into the crowded hall, the shift happens so naturally it almost hurts to watch. The soft, possessive Sirius from the dorm vanishes. The mask slides on.
“Morning!” he calls out cheerfully, dropping into his usual seat with easy confidence. He immediately reaches for the nearest platter and starts loading his plate high, acting like any other seventh-year with nothing heavier on his mind than N.E.W.T.s and Quidditch.
You slide into the seat right beside him—the spot everyone has quietly accepted as yours. Your leg brushes against his under the table, and he presses back for a brief second, warm and deliberate. A secret little I’m right here.
James looks up with a wide, knowing grin. “Late start again? You two are becoming predictable.”
Sirius shrugs casually, stealing a strip of bacon straight from your plate without even asking. “Couldn’t sleep properly. Too much on my mind these days.”
Remus glances between you both, his observant eyes narrowing just slightly. He doesn’t say anything, but you can feel him reading the room.
“Just coincidence,” Sirius adds smoothly, flashing that devastating crooked grin. He leans back in his chair and drapes one arm casually along the back of yours. Close enough to feel intimate. Loose enough to look completely platonic. “We’re just mates. Right?”
The words settle over you like cold water.
You force a small, easy smile and reach for your goblet of pumpkin juice. “Yeah,” you reply lightly, keeping your voice perfectly normal. “Just mates.”
Under the table, Sirius’s hand finds your thigh again. His fingers squeeze once, firm and warm, almost like a silent apology or a reminder. His thumb strokes slowly against your skin, hidden from everyone.
A group of sixth-year girls walks past the Gryffindor table, laughing and whispering. One of them—the tall, pretty one with long dark hair and bright eyes—slows her steps noticeably. She smiles at Sirius, twirling a strand of hair around her finger.
“Morning, Sirius,” she says sweetly, voice carrying just enough to catch his attention. “You were incredible during last weekend’s match. Really brilliant on that broom.”
Sirius turns his head and gives her the full Black treatment: lazy smile, slight tilt of the head, sparkling grey eyes full of effortless charm. “Thanks, love. Glad someone was paying attention.”
He doesn’t brush her off. Doesn’t mention you. Doesn’t do anything except return that flirtatious little grin like it’s nothing.
Your fork presses harder into your eggs. A sharp, quiet burn of jealousy twists low in your stomach. You stay silent, chewing slowly, pretending to be focused on your food. But inside, the familiar ache builds—the same one that’s been growing since fifth year. His hand is still high on your thigh under the table, possessive and secret, while he smiles at her like you’re not even there.
The Great Hall feels louder than usual this morning, filled with the clatter of plates, bursts of laughter, and the occasional owl swooping in through the high windows to deliver post. You keep your eyes mostly on your plate, pushing the eggs around while the burn in your chest refuses to fade. Sirius’s hand is still resting high on your thigh under the table, his fingers occasionally flexing against your skin like he can sense the tension radiating from you. It’s a silent claim, a hidden reminder of how he’d had you writhing beneath him just hours ago, yet it only makes the contrast sharper.
James is in the middle of some animated story about a prank he’s planning on the Slytherins, waving his fork around for emphasis. Peter laughs too loudly, and Remus just shakes his head with a small, amused smile. Sirius laughs along at the right moments, his voice carrying that easy, confident charm. His arm stays draped along the back of your chair, fingers occasionally brushing the fabric of your robe near your shoulder in what looks like a casual, friendly touch to anyone watching.
To everyone else, you two are just close friends. Really good mates who sit together, share food, and banter. Nothing more.
But you can still feel the faint ache between your legs from the way he’d fucked you last night—deep, slow, and then desperate, like he couldn’t get enough. The small marks he left on your inner thighs are hidden beneath your skirt, but they throb every time you shift in your seat.
Another wave of students passes by. The dark-haired girl from earlier circles back with her friends, this time stopping a little closer to the table. She leans slightly toward Sirius, her smile bright and hopeful.
“By the way, Sirius,” she says, voice sweet and a touch flirtatious, “a few of us are having a little gathering in the common room this Friday after the match. You should come. It’ll be fun.”
Sirius tilts his head, giving her that trademark half-smirk that makes your stomach twist. “Yeah? Might stop by. Sounds like a good time.”
He doesn’t say “we” might stop by. Doesn’t glance at you. Doesn’t do anything to suggest his nights are already very much occupied.
Your jaw tightens. You reach for another piece of toast and spread butter on it with more force than necessary, the knife scraping loudly against the plate. Under the table, Sirius’s hand squeezes your thigh harder in response—almost a warning, or maybe a silent stop. His thumb strokes soothing circles against your skin, but it only fuels the messy mix of frustration and want swirling inside you.
Because this is the game you’ve been playing for nearly two years. He’ll flirt just enough to keep his reputation as the unattainable Sirius Black, then later he’ll pull you into an empty classroom, push you against the wall, and kiss you like he’s starving. Like you’re the only thing that matters.
James nudges Sirius with his elbow. “You gonna bring anyone, Padfoot?”
Sirius shrugs, popping a piece of stolen bacon into his mouth. “Dunno. We’ll see. I’m not really tied down or anything.” He says it so casually, so lightly, like the words don’t carry weight. Like they don’t stab.
You swallow hard and take a long sip of pumpkin juice, keeping your expression neutral. The hand on your thigh stays put, warm and heavy, a complete contradiction. His fingers drift a little higher, brushing the hem of your skirt, pressing just enough to remind you exactly who you spent the night with.
Remus is watching the two of you again. His eyes flick from Sirius’s relaxed face to the way your shoulders are slightly tense. He doesn’t comment, but you catch the subtle raise of his eyebrow before he looks away.
The girl finally walks off with a little wave and a hopeful “See you around, Sirius!”
You let out a slow breath. Sirius turns back to the table fully, laughing at something James says about Quidditch strategy. His arm shifts slightly behind you, almost like he wants to pull you closer but stops himself. Instead, he leans in just enough that his shoulder brushes yours.
“Pass the marmalade, yeah?” he asks, voice low and familiar, like nothing happened.
You hand it to him without looking up. His fingers deliberately graze yours as he takes the jar, lingering for a second longer than necessary. When you finally glance at him, his grey eyes meet yours—stormy, intense, and full of that unspoken heat. For a brief moment the mask cracks. There’s possession there. Want. Maybe even a flicker of guilt.
But then he looks away, spreading marmalade on his toast like everything’s perfectly fine.
Breakfast drags on like that—easy conversation flowing around you while the tension between you and Sirius simmers underneath. His hand never leaves your thigh. He keeps stealing food from your plate. He keeps that arm draped behind your chair like it belongs there.
Yet when another girl waves at him from across the hall, he waves back with that same charming smile.
By the time people start getting up to head to classes, your chest feels tight. You stand, smoothing down your skirt, and Sirius rises with you. As the group starts walking out of the Great Hall together, he falls into step beside you, close enough that your arms brush.
In the crowded corridor, away from the direct eyes of the whole table but still in public, he leans down slightly, voice quiet near your ear.
“Library later?” he murmurs, breath warm against your skin. “Or maybe that empty classroom on the third floor. You know the one.”
The suggestion is laced with promise—the same promise that always follows these mornings. He’ll kiss you breathless. He’ll touch you like you’re his. He’ll make you forget the jealousy for a while.
You nod, not trusting your voice.
Sirius’s hand brushes the small of your back for just a second before he pulls away, slipping back into that effortless “just mates” stride as James claps him on the shoulder.
The mask is back on.
And you’re still right here, caught in the middle of it all.
The week had dragged on in that familiar haze of N.E.W.T. revision, stolen kisses in empty corridors, and the usual push-and-pull between you and Sirius. He’d mentioned the party exactly once—casually, over lunch on Wednesday—while laughing with James about how “the sixth years are finally doing something worth showing up for.” He never actually asked you to go with him. Never said “Come with me” or “Save me a dance, darling.” Just tossed the information out like it was public news.
So you decided you wouldn’t ask either.
You spent extra time getting ready that evening, standing in front of the dormitory mirror while your friends chattered around you. You chose a slightly shorter skirt than usual, one that hugged your hips, paired with a fitted black top that showed just enough collarbone to highlight the faint mark Sirius had left there earlier in the week. Your hair fell in loose waves, and you added a touch more makeup than normal. Not for him. At least, that’s what you kept telling yourself.
You don’t have to care this much, you thought, staring at your reflection. He doesn’t want labels. Fine. Then you don’t have to act like his girlfriend when he won’t even call you one.
The Gryffindor common room had been transformed. Furniture pushed to the sides, fairy lights strung across the ceiling charmed to shimmer in deep reds and golds, music pulsing from an enchanted record player. Someone had smuggled in bottles of firewhisky and butterbeer, and the room was already packed with seventh and sixth years laughing, dancing, and spilling drinks. The fire roared high in the hearth, casting flickering shadows across everyone’s faces.
You arrived with a group of friends, deliberately not looking for Sirius right away. But you felt him the second you stepped through the portrait hole—his eyes on you from across the room like a physical touch.
He was leaning against the stone wall near the fireplace, surrounded by the usual crowd: James, a few teammates, and a couple of girls hanging on his every word. His shirt was unbuttoned at the top, sleeves rolled up, hair artfully messy. The moment his grey eyes locked on you, something dark flickered across his face—appreciation, followed quickly by that possessive glint he always tried to hide in public.
But he didn’t come over. He just raised his glass in your direction with a slow, crooked smirk, like you were another pretty face at the party instead of the girl whose name he’d groaned against your neck two nights ago.
Fine.
You grabbed a cup of firewhisky, letting the burn slide down your throat as you moved deeper into the crowd. The music thrummed through your bones. You laughed louder than necessary with your friends, swaying your hips to the beat. And when a Ravenclaw boy named Elias—tall, friendly, with an easy smile—approached you, you didn’t brush him off.
“Hey,” he said, raising his voice over the music. “You look great tonight. Haven’t seen you at one of these in a while.”
You smiled up at him, letting your gaze linger. “Been busy. But I figured it was time to have some fun.”
The two of you fell into conversation easily. He was charming in a safe, uncomplicated way—complimenting your laugh, asking about your classes, standing just close enough that your arms brushed when you both moved to the music. You let yourself lean in when he said something funny, touching his forearm lightly as you laughed.
You could feel Sirius watching. The weight of his stare prickled across your skin like a warning.
A few minutes later, another boy joined— a Hufflepuff seventh year you’d shared Herbology with. Soon you were in a small group, dancing loosely, smiling, letting them pull you toward the center of the room where bodies moved freely. One of them spun you playfully under his arm. You let it happen, the firewhisky making everything feel warmer, bolder.
This is what he does all the time, you told yourself. Smiling at girls. Letting them touch his arm. Acting like he’s free.
So why should you sit on the sidelines waiting for scraps of his attention?
Across the room, Sirius had detached from his group. He was moving now, weaving through people with that predatory grace, but still not coming straight to you. Instead, he stopped near a cluster of girls, laughing at something one of them said, flashing that devastating Black smile. The same one he gave you when he was buried inside you and calling you “darling.”
Your stomach twisted, but you forced yourself to keep smiling at Elias as he handed you another drink.
That’s when Sirius finally appeared at your side.
His hand slid around your waist from behind—possessive, warm, and sudden. He pulled you back against his chest just enough to make a point, his breath brushing your ear.
“Having fun, love?” His voice was low, deceptively casual, but you heard the edge beneath it.
You turned your head slightly, meeting his stormy eyes. “Yeah. It’s a good party. You?”
His jaw ticked. His fingers pressed harder into your hip, hidden by the crowd. “Didn’t realize you were bringing friends.”
The way he said friends dripped with something ugly.
Elias glanced between the two of you, sensing the shift. “I’ll catch you later,” he said politely before slipping away.
The second he was gone, Sirius turned you to face him fully. His hands stayed on your waist, holding you close while bodies moved around you. To anyone else, it probably looked like two mates dancing. But you felt the tension vibrating off him—the same barely-contained jealousy he always denied.
“You really gonna flirt with every tosser who looks your way tonight?” he muttered, voice dark. His forehead nearly touched yours, grey eyes burning. “Thought we had an understanding.”
You tilted your chin up, heart hammering. “Understanding? We’re just mates, remember? That’s what you always say.”
His grip tightened, pulling you flush against him as the music slowed. You could feel the heat of his body, the way his chest rose and fell faster than normal. One of his hands slid lower, dangerously close to the curve of your ass, claiming you in the middle of the crowded room while still refusing to name what this was.
“You know it’s not like that,” he growled softly, lips brushing your temple. “You’re mine, and you fucking know it.”
The words sent a thrill through you, but they also stung. Because he’d never say them louder than this. Never say them where people could hear.
You danced with him then—bodies pressed close, his hands roaming with that familiar hunger—but the air between you crackled with everything unsaid. Every time you glanced away, you caught him glaring toward where Elias had disappeared. Every time a girl tried to catch his eye, his hold on you grew tighter.
This was the game.
Both of you playing it.
Both of you losing.
And the night was still young.
The music had shifted into something slower, heavier, the bass vibrating low in your chest as bodies pressed closer on the makeshift dance floor. Sirius hadn’t let you go. His hands stayed firm on your waist, fingers digging in just enough to leave faint imprints through your skirt. You danced with him like that—chests brushing, his breath warm against your temple—but the air between you was anything but soft.
Every sway of your hips felt like a challenge. Every time his grip tightened, it felt like punishment.
You could still see Elias across the room, chatting with friends but occasionally glancing your way. Sirius noticed too. His jaw was locked, grey eyes dark with barely contained irritation.
“You’re really pushing it tonight,” he muttered, lips brushing your ear as he pulled you even closer. His body was hot against yours, the scent of firewhisky and his cologne wrapping around you. “Flirting with Ravenclaws like I wasn’t even here.”
You tilted your head back to look at him, your hands resting on his chest. His heart was beating fast under your palm. “I thought we were just mates, Sirius. Isn’t that what you told James this morning? What you tell everyone?”
His eyes flashed. For a second, the mask slipped completely. The possessive, stormy Sirius you only ever saw in private was staring down at you in the middle of a crowded room.
“Don’t,” he warned, voice low and rough. One hand slid lower, resting dangerously close to the curve of your ass as he moved you both slowly to the music. To outsiders, it probably looked like heated flirting. Only you could feel the anger and want radiating off him.
A new song started, and another boy—this time a Gryffindor sixth year you barely knew—walked up with a cocky grin, clearly tipsy.
“Hey, mind if I cut in?”
The words barely left his mouth before Sirius’s arm tightened around you like a vice.
“Fuck off,” Sirius said flatly, not even bothering to look at him. His tone was ice-cold, the kind that made most people back off instantly.
The boy raised his hands and retreated with a nervous laugh. Sirius didn’t relax. If anything, he grew more tense, spinning you around so your back was pressed to his front. His arms wrapped around your waist, holding you flush against him as he swayed with you. His lips found the side of your neck, not quite kissing—just hovering, breathing you in.
“You’re mine,” he whispered harshly against your skin, so quiet only you could hear. “Stop acting like you’re not.”
Your heart stuttered. The words sent heat rushing through you, but they also made that familiar ache bloom in your chest. He could say it here, in the dark, surrounded by noise and shadows. But never in the light. Never where it mattered.
You turned in his arms again, facing him. Your bodies were pressed together, barely moving now despite the music. “Then maybe act like it,” you shot back, voice just as quiet. “Or are we still ‘just having fun’?”
Sirius’s eyes darkened dangerously. For a moment you thought he might kiss you right there in front of everyone. Instead, he grabbed your hand and started pulling you through the crowd without another word.
He led you toward the edge of the common room, weaving past laughing groups and discarded cups until he pushed open the door to one of the smaller side rooms used for storage. The second the door closed behind you, the noise of the party dulled to a distant thump.
Sirius backed you against the wall instantly, hands on either side of your head. His face was inches from yours, breathing hard.
“What the fuck was that out there?” he demanded. “Letting those idiots touch you. Laughing with them. You knew I was watching.”
You lifted your chin, refusing to shrink back even though your pulse was racing. “And what about you? Smiling at every girl who looks your way? Telling people you’re not tied down? I’m just supposed to sit there and take it?”
His hand came up to cup your jaw, thumb brushing your lower lip roughly. “You know it’s different.”
“Why?” you pressed, heart hammering. “Because you fuck me every night? Because you sneak into my bed and call me darling when no one’s looking?”
Sirius made a frustrated sound and crashed his lips against yours.
The kiss was messy, angry, and desperate. All teeth and tongue and pent-up frustration. His body pinned you harder against the wall as his hands roamed down your sides, gripping your hips, then sliding under your skirt to squeeze your thighs—the same thighs he’d had wrapped around him two nights ago.
You kissed him back just as fiercely, fingers tangling in his dark curls and tugging hard. He groaned into your mouth, pressing one thigh between your legs.
“You drive me fucking insane,” he growled against your lips, biting your bottom lip before soothing it with his tongue. “Seeing you with them… I wanted to hex both of them across the room.”
“Then maybe stop pretending we’re nothing,” you breathed, even as your hips rolled against his.
Sirius pulled back just enough to look at you. His eyes were wild, hair even messier from your hands. For a second, something vulnerable flickered across his face—fear, maybe. But it was gone too fast.
He kissed you again, slower this time but no less intense. His hand slipped higher under your skirt, fingers teasing the edge of your underwear as he pressed closer.
“Stay with me tonight,” he murmured, voice rough. “My bed. I don’t want anyone else near you.”
You laughed bitterly against his mouth, even as you arched into his touch. “Until tomorrow, when you tell everyone we’re just mates again?”
Sirius didn’t answer with words. Instead he kissed you harder, like he could silence the truth with his mouth. His fingers pushed your underwear aside, stroking you with practiced ease until your legs trembled.
The party continued raging outside the door, but in here it was just the two of you—messy, toxic, addicted, and unable to let go.
Neither of you were willing to name it.
But both of you were terrified of losing it.
A week had slipped by since the party, wrapped in a fragile, suffocating silence. Neither of you had spoken about what happened in that cramped storage room—the angry kisses, the biting words, the way his fingers had dug into your skin like he was terrified you’d slip away. You both simply pretended. It was easier that way. Safer.
You went back to stolen glances across the Great Hall, his hand creeping up your thigh under the table during meals, and nights where he’d pull you into his bed like a man drowning, fucking you with a desperate intensity that left bruises and unspoken feelings in its wake. In the daylight, though, he was still just Sirius Black—charming, untouchable, quick with a “we’re just mates” whenever anyone raised an eyebrow.
It was supposed to be a normal Tuesday afternoon.
Charms class felt endless under the soft afternoon light filtering through the tall arched windows. Golden dust motes danced lazily in the sunbeams as Professor Flitwick’s squeaky voice droned on about complex silencing charms and their applications in dueling. Your quill moved mechanically across the parchment, but the ink kept smudging from how tightly you were gripping it.
The seat beside you was empty.
Sirius’s usual spot—the one he’d claimed since fifth year with a dramatic flop and a wink that always made your stomach flip—sat glaringly vacant. His absence felt louder than any spell. He rarely skipped without some kind of sign. A crumpled note in your bag. A whispered promise in the corridor. A smirk across the room that said meet me later, darling.
Today? Nothing.
You tried to focus on Flitwick’s demonstration, but your mind kept drifting. The castle outside the windows looked deceptively peaceful—the Black Lake shimmering darkly in the distance, the Whomping Willow swaying gently in the breeze. Everything felt too still. Too wrong.
By the time class ended, the worry had coiled tight in your chest like a living thing. You lingered as students packed up, chatting and laughing around you. James and Remus were near the door, heads bent together over some Marauder map.
“Have you seen Sirius?” you asked, trying to keep your voice casual.
James shrugged, pushing his glasses up his nose. “Not since lunch. He was in a weird mood. Probably off causing trouble somewhere. You know Padfoot.”
But you did know him. And that was exactly why the unease wouldn’t settle.
You left the classroom with your bag slung over your shoulder, the stone corridors stretching long and echoing around you. The afternoon light had started to shift, casting longer shadows across the ancient floors. Suits of armor stood silent and watchful as you passed, their empty visors seeming to follow your hurried steps. You checked all the usual places first.
The empty classroom on the third floor—the one with the creaky desks where he’d pressed you against the wall more times than you could count—was deserted. Only dust and faint chalk marks remained.
You moved on to the alcove behind the tapestry near the library. The heavy fabric smelled of old wool and history as you pushed it aside. Empty. Just a forgotten book lying open on the stone bench.
Your heart beat faster as you climbed another staircase, the marble steps cold beneath your shoes. Why did it matter so much? You weren’t together. He’d reminded you of that a thousand times. He could skip class without you. He could do whatever—whoever—he wanted.
Still, your feet kept moving. Past the Gryffindor Tower. Down toward the Quidditch pitch where the grass swayed under a greyish sky. No sign of his tall frame or messy black hair. The worry twisted sharper now, mixing with something uglier—a quiet fear you hated admitting to yourself.
What if he was pulling away? What if the fight at the party had finally cracked the fragile thing between you? What if he was done pretending in his own messy way?
You turned down a quieter corridor on the fourth floor, near the Hufflepuff common room entrance. This hallway was rarely used—dimmer, dustier, lined with faded tapestries depicting old forest scenes that seemed to shift when you weren’t looking directly at them. The air felt cooler here, carrying the faint scent of damp stone and wildflowers from somewhere below.
Your steps slowed as you approached the end of the hall.
Soft sounds drifted toward you.
A girl’s laughter—light, breathy, flirtatious. Then a lower murmur. Deep. Familiar. The kind of voice that had whispered filthy praises against your neck countless nights.
Your stomach dropped.
You told yourself it was nothing. Just students messing around. But your pulse roared in your ears as you moved closer, staying hidden behind a large, cracked suit of armor. The shadows clung to you like a second skin.
And then you saw them.
Your breath caught in your throat as you peered around the edge of the old suit of armor.
There he was.
Sirius Black, leaning against the stone wall in the shadowed alcove, looking every bit like the reckless, beautiful disaster he was. His dark curls were messy, falling into his eyes, and his Gryffindor tie was loosened, the top buttons of his shirt undone. But what made your stomach twist violently was the girl pressed up against him.
A Hufflepuff seventh year—you recognized her vaguely. Soft blonde hair, warm brown eyes, and a sweet face that was currently flushed with pleasure. She was giggling softly, one hand resting on his chest while his head was buried in the crook of her neck. His lips moved lazily against her skin, not quite kissing, more like breathing her in, teasing the sensitive spot just below her ear.
The same way he did with you.
One of his hands was braced on the wall beside her head, the other resting low on her waist, fingers playing with the hem of her yellow-trimmed robe like he had all the time in the world. The scene was intimate. Too intimate. The kind of casual closeness he usually reserved for stolen moments with you.
For a second, the world narrowed to just this—the faint sound of her breathy laugh, the low murmur of his voice saying something you couldn’t quite hear, the way her fingers curled into his shirt. The dusty afternoon light filtering through a high window painted them in soft gold and shadow, making the moment look almost romantic. Like something out of a dream.
Except it was your nightmare.
Your heart slammed against your ribs so hard it hurt. A hot, ugly wave of jealousy crashed over you, followed immediately by nausea. Your bag slipped slightly from your shoulder, but you caught it before it hit the floor. You couldn’t move. Couldn’t look away. Your feet felt rooted to the cold stone.
This is what he does when you’re not around?
Memories flashed through your mind—his hands on your waist last night, the way he’d groaned your name like a prayer, the way he’d held you afterward like you were the only thing keeping him grounded. And now here he was, skipping class, nuzzling into some Hufflepuff girl’s neck like it was nothing.
Like you were nothing.
Sirius shifted slightly, lifting his head just enough that you caught the lazy smirk on his face. He said something else—low and teasing—and the girl laughed again, tilting her head to give him better access. His lips brushed her neck once more, slower this time.
That was the breaking point.
A sharp, bitter sound escaped your throat before you could stop it—half a scoff, half a broken breath. Not loud, but enough.
Sirius’s head snapped up instantly. His grey eyes locked onto yours across the dimly lit corridor, widening for a split second in genuine surprise. The easy, flirtatious expression on his face shattered completely.
For one long, agonizing heartbeat, neither of you moved.
The Hufflepuff girl turned her head, confused, following his gaze. When she saw you standing there, her cheeks went bright red and she stepped back quickly, smoothing down her robes.
“Oh—I didn’t… we were just—” she stammered, clearly embarrassed.
But you weren’t looking at her.
You were staring at him.
Sirius straightened up, running a hand through his messy hair. The mask was already trying to slide back into place, but you could see the flicker of guilt, the flash of panic in those stormy eyes. He opened his mouth, then closed it again.
The silence stretched between you, heavy and suffocating. The distant sounds of students moving through other corridors felt miles away. All you could hear was the roaring in your ears and the rapid thud of your own heart.
You felt sick. Exposed. Stupid for even caring this much when he’d spent years telling you there was nothing to care about.
Finally, you found your voice. It came out quieter than you wanted, but edged with something sharp and trembling.
“…Really, Sirius?”
Your voice came out quieter than you expected, but it sliced through the dusty corridor like a hex. The words hung there, raw and trembling with everything you’d been swallowing for years.
The Hufflepuff girl looked mortified. Her eyes darted between you and Sirius, clearly sensing she’d walked into something much bigger than a casual flirtation. She muttered a quick, awkward “I should go…” and hurried past you, her yellow-trimmed robes swishing as she disappeared around the corner. Her footsteps faded quickly, leaving only the heavy silence and the faint scent of her perfume lingering in the air.
Sirius straightened up slowly, his back still pressed against the cold stone wall. His grey eyes—usually stormy, now blazing like thunderclouds ready to split open—locked onto yours. His shirt was rumpled, tie hanging loose like a noose, dark curls wild from the girl’s fingers. The faint scent of her perfume still clung to him, sweet and cloying, mixing with his familiar woody cologne in a way that made your stomach churn.
You stood tall, shoulders squared, the dim afternoon light slicing through a high arched window and painting harsh golden lines across the ancient stone floor between you.
“This is what you do the second I’m not around?” Your voice came out low, steady, and razor-sharp.
He pushed off the wall, jaw clenched so tight you could see the muscle ticking. “Don’t start. You don’t own me. We’ve never been exclusive—”
“Exclusive?” You let out a bitter, cutting laugh that echoed off the faded tapestries. “You’ve had your mouth between my legs more times than I can count. You growl that I’m yours when you’re inside me. You threaten to hex any guy who looks at me too long. But the second you get bored, you’re nuzzling some Hufflepuff’s neck like a fucking dog in heat?”
Sirius’s eyes flashed dangerously. He stalked toward you, tall and predatory, the shadows clinging to his broad shoulders. “You’re being ridiculous. It was nothing. She came onto me. I wasn’t even going to do anything.”
“Nothing?” Your voice rose, cracking with pure fury. The dusty air felt thicker, harder to breathe. “Your face was buried in her neck, Sirius. I saw your hand on her waist. The same hands that were on me last night.”
He reached for you suddenly, fingers wrapping tight around your upper arm, yanking you closer. His breath was hot against your face, eyes wild with frustration and something darker.
“We are not together!” he snarled, voice low and venomous. “I told you that from the fucking beginning. I don’t do labels. I don’t do cages. If you can’t handle that, then maybe you should’ve stopped spreading your legs for me years ago.”
The words hit like a slap.
You ripped your arm free, chest heaving. “And maybe you should’ve stopped crawling into my bed every night like a pathetic, scared little boy who wants a girlfriend but is too much of a coward to call her one.”
Sirius’s face twisted in anger. He moved fast—grabbing your waist with both hands and crashing his mouth against yours in a bruising, furious kiss. It wasn’t soft. It wasn’t loving. It was desperate, teeth clashing, tongue demanding, like he could force you back into submission the way he always had before.
For half a second, the familiar heat tried to pull you under.
Then you shoved him back hard, both hands on his chest.
“No.” Your voice was steel. “I’m done.”
He stumbled back a step, breathing ragged, lips swollen and eyes blazing with disbelief and rage. “You’re not fucking done. Don’t you dare walk away from me.”
“I’m done, Sirius.” You stared him dead in the eyes, unflinching. “I’m done being your dirty little secret. I’m done pretending that the way you fuck me at night makes up for the way you humiliate me during the day. I’m done waiting for you to grow up and claim what you clearly don’t want enough to fight for.”
The corridor felt alive with tension—dust swirling in the slanted beams of light, the old tapestries seeming to hold their breath, the stone walls closing in like they were witnessing something ugly and inevitable.
Sirius looked wrecked. His chest rose and fell rapidly, fists clenched at his sides. “You think you’re so much better than me? You’ve been playing this game just as long as I have. Jealous. Needy. Acting like you don’t care until someone else touches you. You’re just as fucked up as I am.”
“Maybe,” you said coldly, lifting your chin. “But at least I’m finally choosing myself. I deserve more than being your emotional whore whenever you feel like it.”
He lunged forward again, trying to pull you into another kiss, fingers digging into your hips almost painfully. “Stop saying that shit. You know I want you. You know it.”
You turned your face away sharply, refusing his lips.
“I said I’m done.”
The finality in your voice seemed to hit him harder than any spell. Sirius froze, hands still gripping you, eyes searching your face like he was waiting for you to crack.
But you didn’t.
You pried his hands off your waist, stepped back, and held his gaze one last time—cold, exhausted, and completely finished.
“You can keep playing your little games with every girl in this castle. I’m not playing anymore.”
Then you turned and walked away down the long, shadowed corridor. Your footsteps echoed like gunshots. Behind you, you heard the sharp crack of his fist slamming into the stone wall, followed by a furious, broken curse.
⬩➤ details: sfw, childhood best friends, friends to lovers, idiots in love, fluff, christmas at potter manor, domestic vibes, love confessions, "we're just friends" trope, everyone knows except them, the marauders aren't assholes in this universe
⬩➤ wordcount: 5.1k
⬩➤ note: was supposed to write this like a week ago but my grandpa suddenly died so..... anw, i hope u enjoy reading it!
⬩➤ synopsis:
Childhood best friends and practically inseparable at Hogwarts, you and James Potter have always been at the center of each other’s worlds. But while everyone around you swears there’s something more between you, James is hiding feelings he’s terrified to confess—afraid that loving you out loud might cost him the friendship he treasures most.
The platform was a whirlwind of noise and steam, but you spotted James the second you stepped through the barrier. You always did. Even in a sea of black robes and excited first-years, he stood out—tall for his age, messy dark hair already defying gravity, and that easy, lopsided grin reserved mostly for you.
“Oi! There’s my favorite neighbor!” he called, pushing through the crowd without a care for the people he bumped into. Before you could even adjust your grip on your trunk, he was there, pulling you into a quick, tight hug that smelled like broom polish and the cinnamon sweets his mum always packed. “Took you long enough. Thought I’d have to send Sirius after you.”
“You say that like I’m the one who’s late,” you laughed, nudging his shoulder. “You’re the one who probably woke up at the last possible second again.”
James only winked, grabbing the handle of your trunk with one hand and your wrist with the other. “Come on. Best compartment’s waiting.”
He’d been doing this since you were six—dragging you along like the two of you were attached by an invisible string. Your families’ estates sat side by side in the countryside, so playdates had been inevitable at first. Then they became the highlight of every summer. Every holiday. Every lazy afternoon spent catching frogs by the pond or racing brooms (badly) across the fields. James Potter had been your person for as long as you could remember.
This year felt different, though. He was starting his second year, and you were finally joining Hogwarts. You’d spent the whole train ride from home wondering what it would be like to finally share this world with him instead of just hearing his owls about it.
James slid open the door to a compartment halfway down the train and practically shoved you inside first.
“Gentlemen,” he announced grandly, “meet the best witch you’ll ever know. This is my best friend. We’ve been stuck with each other since we were tiny.”
Three boys looked up.
The one with the dark, shoulder-length hair and a dangerously charming smirk immediately straightened. “Well, hello. James has only mentioned you about a hundred times. I’m Sirius Black. Pleasure’s all yours.”
You couldn’t help laughing. “Only a hundred? I’m offended. I thought it’d be more.”
Sirius barked a laugh, clearly delighted. “I like her already, Prongs.”
The boy beside him—tall, with light brown hair and a scarred face—offered a quiet, kind smile. “Remus Lupin. Nice to finally meet you. James talks about you nonstop.”
“And I’m Peter Pettigrew,” the last boy said, waving a little awkwardly but warmly. He had a round face and a bag of sweets already open on his lap. “Want a Chocolate Frog? They’re good this year.”
You slid into the seat James had clearly been guarding—the one right next to him by the window—and accepted the Frog from Peter with a grateful smile. James dropped down beside you without hesitation, his knee bumping yours comfortably. He didn’t even seem to notice he’d done it. He never did.
The train whistle blew, and with a lurch, you were off.
Conversation flowed easily. Sirius launched into a dramatic retelling of their misadventures from last year—charming suits of armor to dance in the corridors, turning the Slytherin common room’s tap water bright pink for a week. Nothing cruel, just the same clever, chaotic fun that James had written about in his letters when talking about their newest pranks. Remus rolled his eyes fondly and corrected the details when Sirius exaggerated, while Peter chimed in with enthusiastic “yeah!”s and the occasional snack offering.
You fit right in, teasing Sirius back when he tried to flirt, asking Remus about the books he was already reading this term, and laughing when Peter accidentally turned his own eyebrows orange with an experimental Sweet he’d bought.
All the while, James was quieter than usual—not in a bad way, just… softer. He kept glancing at you like he wanted to make sure you were comfortable, that you were laughing, that you were happy. Every so often his arm would rest along the back of the seat behind you, not quite touching, but close enough that you could feel the warmth.
There was that familiar warm feeling in your chest again. Being in his presence brought that feeling, for you felt safest near him. After all, you really loved your best friend more than anything.
“—and then McGonagall nearly hexed us on the spot,” Sirius finished, grinning. “But enough about our glory. Tell us about you. What house do you think you’ll be in? James swears you’re Gryffindor through and through.”
You shrugged, smiling. “I don’t know. Mum thinks Ravenclaw, Dad says Hufflepuff just to wind her up. James has been trying to convince me Gryffindor since I was nine.”
“Obviously,” James said, bumping your shoulder with his. His voice was lighter than it had been with the others all summer. “Where else would you go? We’d miss you too much otherwise.” The words settled warmly between you. You didn’t catch the way Sirius raised an eyebrow at Remus, or the small, knowing glance the two shared.
The countryside blurred past the window as the four boys slowly pulled you into their orbit. And through it all, James stayed right beside you—exactly where he’d always been.
The years at Hogwarts blurred together like the pages of a well-loved photo album—full of laughter, late nights, and the kind of easy rhythm that only came from knowing someone your whole life.
By your third year, the pattern was already set in stone.
After every Quidditch match, no matter if Gryffindor won or lost, James would touch down on the pitch and scan the stands until he found you. His hair would be windswept and damp with sweat, his grin wide even when his team had taken a beating. He’d ignore the crowds, ignore his teammates, and make a beeline straight for you.
“You came,” he’d always say, a little breathless, like there had ever been a chance you wouldn’t.
“Of course I did, you idiot.” You’d laugh and hand him a water bottle or a towel, and he’d take it with that soft, particular smile he only ever used on you.
In the Great Hall, it was the same story. James would steal chips off your plate without asking, or swipe the last bite of your treacle tart, all while complaining loudly that the house-elves gave you better portions than him. You’d swat his hand away, but never really mind. He’d just grin and lean closer, shoulder pressed to yours like it belonged there.
“James, eat your own food,” you’d scold half-heartedly.
“But yours tastes better,” he’d reply every single time.
You fixed his tie almost every morning. He’d show up to breakfast with it crooked or loose, and without thinking you’d reach up, straighten it, and smooth down his collar. The first time Sirius saw it happen he nearly choked on his pumpkin juice.
“Merlin, you two are disgusting,” he’d tease, but there was always a fond glint in his eye.
The professors weren’t any better. Professor Flitwick once paused mid-lesson to ask, “Potter, dear, would you and your girlfriend like to demonstrate the Levitation Charm together?” The entire class had turned to look. You and James had answered at the exact same time:
“We’re just friends!”
Flitwick had only smiled knowingly and moved on.
Sirius, of course, made it his personal mission to never let anyone forget. He started the fake wedding announcements in your fourth year.
“Daily Prophet, special edition!” he’d shout across the common room one evening, holding up a piece of parchment dramatically. “James Potter, Chaser extraordinaire, to wed childhood sweetheart in a lavish spring ceremony! Guests include one very handsome best man named Sirius Orion Black—”
“Padfoot, I swear on Merlin’s grave—” James groaned, ears turning pink.
You just rolled your eyes and laughed. “We’re just friends, Sirius. How many times?”
“Best friends who are clearly soulmates,” Remus would add quietly from behind his book, smirking.
Peter usually just nodded along, mouth full of sweets. “Yeah… you do sit together everywhere.”
Even when you studied late in the library, the dynamic never changed. James would sprawl across the table with his head propped on one hand, watching you instead of his notes half the time. You’d slide his essay closer and point out mistakes, and he’d thank you by sliding over a bar of Honeydukes chocolate he’d saved just for you.
There was always that warm feeling in your chest during those quiet moments. The fire crackling, quills scratching, James’s knee brushing yours under the table. You really loved your best friend more than anything in the world. That was all it was. A deep, steady, comfortable kind of love.
James, though… you never quite noticed how his gaze would linger. How he’d open his mouth sometimes like he wanted to say something else, then close it again with a small, almost pained smile. How after you’d say goodnight and head back to your dorm, he’d stay behind in the common room, staring into the fire while Sirius clapped him on the back and muttered, “Mate, you’ve got it bad.”
But you didn’t see that part.
To you, it was simply James. Your James. The boy who had held your hand during thunderstorms when you were seven, who had flown you around on his broom during summers, who made every day at Hogwarts feel like an adventure you got to share.
And everyone else could think what they wanted.
You were just friends.
It was a perfectly ordinary Tuesday evening in the Gryffindor common room.
The fire was crackling low, most people had already gone up to bed, and the Marauders had claimed their usual corner. Sirius was dramatically reenacting his latest prank on the Slytherins, complete with sound effects. Remus was half-listening while marking essays, and Peter was dozing off with a half-eaten Chocolate Frog in his hand.
You were curled up on the couch beside James, wearing his spare Quidditch jumper because the common room had gotten chilly and you’d forgotten your own cardigan upstairs. The jumper was far too big on you—sleeves falling past your wrists, the scarlet and gold swallowing your frame—but it was warm and smelled faintly like him (broom polish, grass, and that cinnamon scent that always clung to James).
Sirius pointed at you mid-story. “Look at her! She’s practically drowning in Potter branding. You two may as well just get it over with and elope already.”
“Shut up, Padfoot,” James said lightly, but his voice lacked its usual bite.
You laughed, the sound bright and easy as you tugged the too-long sleeves up your arms. “It’s comfortable, alright? And it’s not my fault James is built like a beanpole who keeps growing.”
James turned his head to look at you.
You didn’t notice at first. You were still smiling, still half-watching Sirius’s chaotic gestures, still absentmindedly fiddling with the hem of his jumper. But something in the air shifted.
James had gone quiet.
His usual restless energy—the constant bouncing knee, the drumming fingers, the endless movement—had stilled completely. He was just… staring. Not at the fire. Not at Sirius. At you. At the way his jumper hung off your shoulder, at the way your laughter lit up your whole face, at the way you looked so perfectly at home right beside him.
You glanced over when he stayed silent.
“James?” you asked, tilting your head. “You okay? You look a bit lost.”
He blinked, and for a split second something raw and unguarded flickered across his face—wide hazel eyes, slightly parted lips, like he’d just been hit with a Bludger he never saw coming.
Then he smiled. That soft, crooked, only-for-you smile.
“Yeah,” he said quietly. “I’m alright.”
But he wasn’t.
Because in that tiny, unremarkable moment—your sleepy laughter, his oversized jumper on your frame, the casual way you leaned a little closer to him without thinking—James Potter finally understood.
Oh.
The word echoed in his head like a whispered confession.
This wasn’t just missing you over summer. This wasn’t just the comfortable warmth of having his best friend beside him. This was something deeper. Something terrifying. Something that made his chest ache in the best and worst possible ways.
He was in love with you.
And it was bad. Really, properly bad.
Because you were you. His favorite person in the entire world. The girl who had known him since he was a scrawny six-year-old who cried when he scraped his knee. The one who fixed his tie, stole his glasses to tease him, and never once looked at him like he was arrogant or loud or too much. If he told you and it went wrong… he could lose this. Lose you. And that was something James wasn’t willing to risk. Not ever.
So he swallowed it down, the way he’d swallowed it a hundred times before without realizing what “it” even was. He forced his expression to stay light even as his heart hammered against his ribs. He reached over and gently tugged one of the long sleeves you kept fighting with.
“Looks better on you anyway,” he said, voice steady even though his heart was racing.
Sirius made another wedding joke. Remus shot James a knowing look over the top of his parchment. You just rolled your eyes fondly and nudged James’s shoulder with yours, that warm, familiar feeling blooming in your chest again.
James laughed along with Sirius’s next joke, but the decision had already cemented itself in his mind.
He would never tell you.
He couldn’t risk it. Not when this—having you this close, this comfortable, this his in every way that mattered—was already more than he thought he deserved.
So he’d keep it locked away. For the sake of your friendship. For the sake of you.
Even if it killed him a little every single day.
The Gryffindor common room was buzzing with low energy after dinner. Most students had drifted off to finish homework, but your little corner by the fireplace was alive with conspiracy.
“Alright,” Sirius whispered, leaning over the Marauders’ Map like it was a battle plan. “We hit the Slytherin dungeons right after Potions tomorrow. One charm on the showers and every time they turn the taps, they’ll sing ‘God Save the Queen’ at full volume.”
You snorted, legs tucked under you on the couch. “That’s evil. I love it. But you’ll need an alibi. Professor Slughorn’s having that Slug Club thing tomorrow night—James and I are already invited. We can say you lot were with us the whole time.”
James, sitting right beside you, lit up like the sun had come out just for him. “See? This is why we keep her around. Best alibi in Hogwarts.”
“Oi!” Sirius clutched his chest in mock betrayal. “She’s my partner in crime tonight. Back off, Prongs.”
You grinned and immediately leaned into the chaos. “Sorry, James. Sirius and I are the masterminds now. You’re just the pretty distraction.”
James clutched his heart dramatically. “Betrayed. By my own best friend.” But his grin was huge—wide, easy, and brighter than it ever was when it was just the four boys. Around you, James seemed lighter. Happier. Like everything clicked into place the second you joined their plans.
Remus watched the whole thing from his armchair, one eyebrow raised, while Peter fidgeted with a pile of fireworks they were planning to use as backup on one hand and chocolate on the other.
The planning session quickly devolved. Sirius kept trying to one-up your ideas, and you kept shooting them down with logic and better suggestions. At one point the two of you ganged up on James when he suggested something overly flashy.
“No, no, no,” you laughed, poking James’s cheek. “If we do it your way, McGonagall will know it’s you in two seconds. Tone it down, Potter.”
“Yeah, Prongs,” Sirius piled on, throwing an arm around your shoulders. “Listen to your wife. She’s clearly the brains.”
James turned pink but couldn’t stop smiling. He swatted Sirius’s arm away from you, but there was no real heat in it. “She’s not my wife, you prat.”
“Yet,” Peter mumbled absentmindedly, licking chocolate off his fingers.
You blinked. “What?”
Peter finally looked up, chocolate still on his lips. “Uh… I mean… everyone says it anyway?”
James groaned and dropped his face into his hands, but his shoulders were shaking with laughter. You reached over and ruffled his already-messy hair, which only made him peek at you through his fingers with that soft, heart-melting look again.
Later that night, after an intense Quidditch practice, James came storming into the common room still in his scarlet robes, muttering under his breath about a bad call by the captain. His hair was even wilder than usual, frustration rolling off him in waves. The boys knew better than to poke the bear when he got like this.
You didn’t.
You stood up, walked straight over, and tugged gently on his tie until he stopped pacing.
“Hey,” you said softly. “Breathe. It was one practice. You’re still the best Chaser in the school.”
James exhaled, long and slow. The tension melted from his shoulders the second your fingers brushed his chest. He let you straighten his tie even though it didn’t need fixing, eyes locked on your face like you were the only calm thing in his world.
“Thanks,” he murmured, voice quieter now. Only for you.
Remus noticed everything, of course. Especially the way James stared at you when you turned around to grab him a butterbeer from the table—lingering, fond, a little bit aching.
Much later, when you finally headed upstairs with a cheerful “Night, boys!” and a special wink at James, the common room grew quieter.
Remus waited until the portrait hole closed before speaking.
“Are you ever going to tell her?”
James was sprawled on the couch, staring at the spot where you’d been sitting. He didn’t even pretend not to understand.
“No.”
Remus closed his book. “Why?”
James was quiet for a long moment, hazel eyes distant and soft.
“Because I’d rather have her like this than not at all.”
The snow fell thick and soft over Potter Manor, blanketing the grounds in perfect, untouched white. Inside, the old stone house glowed with warmth—fireplaces crackling in nearly every room, fairy lights strung along the banisters, and the faint crackle of an old vinyl record spinning in the sitting room.
You had been coming here for Christmas since you were little, but this year felt different. The whole Marauders crew had been invited, and the manor felt more alive than ever.
Euphemia Potter spotted you the second you stepped through the front door with James. She swept you into a tight hug that smelled of cinnamon and vanilla, her hands cupping your face like you were one of her own.
“There’s my girl,” she said warmly, brushing snowflakes from your hair. “Honestly, James, why don’t you just propose already so I can call her my daughter properly?”
“Mum!” James groaned, ears instantly red. But he couldn’t hide the pleased little smile tugging at his lips as he watched the two of you.
Sirius, already acting like he’d lived at Potter Manor his entire life, sauntered past with his trunk floating behind him. “Don’t worry, Effie. I’m working on it. I make an excellent wedding planner.”
Fleamont chuckled from his armchair while Remus shook his head fondly and Peter happily accepted a plate of fresh mince pies from a house-elf.
The days leading up to Christmas were pure magic.
Mornings were spent in the snow—James dragging you outside for snowball fights where he “accidentally” protected you more than he attacked. Afternoons melted into chaotic card games around the massive oak table. Sirius and James were ruthless competitors, but you and Remus kept teaming up to destroy them. Every time you won a round, James would lean over and dramatically drape himself across your shoulders.
“You’re cheating,” he’d whisper in your ear, breath warm against your skin. “I don’t know how, but you’re definitely cheating.”
“I’m just better than you,” you’d tease back, and that warm, familiar feeling would bloom in your chest again. You really loved your best friend more than anything.
Evenings were your favorite.
The record player stayed on late—Frank Sinatra, Celestina Warbeck, and some old wizarding jazz standards. Hot chocolate flowed endlessly, topped with mountains of whipped cream and tiny floating marshmallows. One night, after everyone else had gone to bed, you and James stayed curled up on the big sofa in the sitting room, the fire casting golden light across the walls.
Your legs were tucked under you, his Quidditch jumper on again (he’d thrown it at you the second you complained about being cold). James had one arm stretched along the back of the sofa, fingers occasionally brushing your shoulder. The record had switched to something slow and gentle.
“You know,” he said softly, staring into the fire, “I think these are my favorite holidays. When everyone’s here. Especially you.”
You smiled, bumping your shoulder against his. “You say that like I’d ever miss it. Your mum would drag me here by the ears if I tried.”
James laughed quietly, but his gaze lingered on your face a second longer than usual. The firelight made his hazel eyes look almost golden. For a moment, the air felt thicker—like the space between you had shrunk without either of you moving.
You didn’t notice the way his fingers twitched like he wanted to reach out. You only felt that same steady warmth in your chest. Friendly love. Deep, unbreakable, best-friend love.
James swallowed and looked back at the fire.
“Stay up with me a bit longer?” he asked, voice quieter than normal.
“Always,” you answered easily.
The record kept spinning. Snow kept falling outside the tall windows. And the two of you stayed there, talking about nothing and everything—old summers by the pond, ridiculous pranks gone wrong, dreams for after Hogwarts—until the logs had burned low and your eyelids grew heavy.
James watched you fight sleep with the softest expression on his face, the one no one else ever got to see.
And if anyone had walked in at that exact moment—seeing you in his jumper, legs tangled together on the sofa, Sinatra crooning softly in the background—they would have assumed you had been dating for years.
But James only smiled sadly to himself, tucked the blanket a little tighter around you, and kept loving you quietly.
The rest of the house had mysteriously vanished after dinner.
Sirius had dragged Remus and Peter off with some weak excuse about “helping Effie with the puddings,” shooting James a not-so-subtle wink on his way out. You and James were left alone in the grand sitting room, surrounded by open boxes of ornaments, tangled tinsel, and the tall fir tree standing in front of the tall windows overlooking the snowy grounds.
Golden lamplight mixed with the glow from the fireplace, casting everything in a warm, cinematic haze. Frank Sinatra played softly on the old record player, his voice filling the comfortable quiet between you.
You worked side by side, the kind of easy rhythm you’d had since you were children. James lifted you by the waist so you could reach the higher branches, your hands brushing as you passed him baubles and strings of lights. Every touch felt a little warmer tonight.
“Remember the first Christmas we decorated together?” you asked, handing him a delicate glass snowflake. “We were six. Your mum let us use real magic and we turned half the ornaments into frogs.”
James laughed, the sound low and fond. “They kept jumping off the tree. Dad was furious but Mum thought it was the funniest thing she’d ever seen.” He hung the snowflake and glanced down at you. “You cried when one hopped into the fire.”
“I did not,” you protested, nudging his side.
“You absolutely did. I had to promise to catch you a new frog in the summer to make it better.”
You rolled your eyes but smiled. The teasing flowed naturally as you kept decorating—recalling snowball wars, the time James tried (and failed) to enchant the star to spin, the summer you both got in trouble for flying brooms too close to the neighbor’s garden.
At one point, James’s glasses slipped down his nose while he reached for a high branch. You stepped in without thinking and gently pushed them back up for him, your fingers brushing his temple.
“You’ve always taken care of me,” you said softly, still smiling. “Even when we were tiny and ridiculous.”
James lowered his arms and turned to look at you.
Really looked.
You stood there in the golden light, wearing his old jumper, tinsel caught in your hair, cheeks slightly flushed from the fire and laughter. The teasing smile on your face was the same one he’d known for over a decade — and suddenly it hit him harder than ever.
“God, I love you.”
The words slipped out, quiet and unguarded.
Silence.
James’s eyes widened in horror as he realized what he’d said. “Shit— I didn’t— I mean— obviously I love you, you’re my best friend, but that’s not— wait, no, it is— bloody hell, I’m messing this up—”
He spun away, face burning, nearly dropping the entire box of ornaments. His hands fumbled as he tried to recover. “You know what I mean, right? Or maybe you don’t— I shouldn’t have— fuck—”
“James,” you cut in, a soft laugh escaping you. “Shut up.”
He stopped rambling, turning back to you with wide, stunned eyes.
You gave him a small, amused smile. “I like you too, okay? Don’t worry about it.”
James just stared, completely flustered. His mouth opened, then closed. No clever comeback. No smooth reply. Just pure surprise and disbelief written all over his face.
Before he could find his voice, you picked up a soft, padded Christmas ornament and lightly tossed it at his head.
“We still have a tree to decorate, y’know,” you said, grinning.
The ornament bounced off him harmlessly. James blinked, then let out a startled laugh.
“Hey!” he shouted, grabbing another lightweight bauble and tossing it gently back at you. It sailed past your shoulder as you dodged, laughing.
The two of you stood there for a moment, ornaments in hand, the record still playing, the tension breaking into something lighter and warmer. James’s ears were still red, but the grin spreading across his face was real — relieved and happy in a way you’d rarely seen.
He rubbed the back of his neck, shaking his head. “You’re going to be the death of me.”
“Good,” you replied, turning back to the tree with a smirk. “Now pass me the star. We’re finishing this before your mum comes looking for us.”
James exhaled a shaky laugh and stepped closer again, the air between you buzzing with something new — but still undeniably you and James.
Hours later, long after the tree stood proudly decorated and the rest of the house had fallen asleep, the sitting room was wrapped in quiet magic.
Only the fireplace glowed now, its flames low and flickering, casting dancing shadows across the walls. The Christmas tree lights twinkled softly like captured stars, reflecting off tinsel and glass ornaments. Outside, snow continued to fall in thick, silent flakes past the tall windows. Sinatra’s record had come back around, playing the same slow, velvet song that had witnessed everything earlier that evening.
You and James were the only ones still awake.
He had taken your hand without a word, pulling you gently into the middle of the room. One dance, he’d murmured. Now your arms were wrapped around his neck, his hands resting at your waist as you swayed together in unhurried circles. Your bodies moved in perfect sync, barely more than a slow shift of weight. Your cheek rested against his chest, listening to the steady, slightly faster beat of his heart beneath his shirt. James held you like you were something precious — one hand splayed across your lower back, the other gently threaded with yours.
The song wrapped around you both. Every breath, every small shift brought you closer. You could feel the warmth of him through his jumper, smell the faint scent of cinnamon and firewood that always clung to him during the holidays. James’s thumb traced slow, absent circles on your back, and you felt him release a shaky exhale against your hair.
Slowly, you lifted your head.
James was already looking down at you. His hazel eyes caught the firelight, turning gold and warm. The usual mischief was gone — replaced by something deeper, vulnerable, and aching. His gaze dropped to your lips for a heartbeat before returning to your eyes, asking without words.
The air between you felt thick, charged. The rest of the world faded until it was only the two of you, the soft music, and years of almosts finally catching up.
James swallowed. His hand came up to cradle the side of your face, thumb brushing tenderly across your cheek. You leaned into the touch. He leaned down.
The kiss was everything.
It started impossibly soft — just a gentle press of lips, warm and hesitant, like he was still afraid you might vanish. Then it deepened, slow and reverent. His lips moved against yours with quiet longing, pouring in every unsaid “I love you” from the past few years. You tasted the faint sweetness of hot chocolate on him. Felt the slight tremble in his hands as they held your face like you were made of starlight. Your fingers curled into the hair at the nape of his neck, pulling him closer, and James sighed softly into the kiss, melting against you.
It wasn’t rushed or desperate. It was warm, full of love, and so achingly tender it made your chest ache. When you finally parted, barely an inch, both of you were breathing a little heavier. James rested his forehead against yours, eyes closed, a small, wonderstruck smile playing on his lips
Only one thought occupied his mind:
Maybe saying something stupid was the smartest thing I’ve ever done.
Then—
“OH MY GOD GUYS THEY’RE TOGETHER NOW!”
Peter stumbled into the room in rumpled pajamas, hair wild, eyes wide with sleepy shock. He pointed dramatically between the two of you, mouth hanging open.
“I knew it! I knew it! Wait till Sirius hears—”
“Pete!” James groaned, half-laughing as he kept one arm securely around your waist, cheeks flushed. You buried your face in James’s chest, laughter bubbling up against his shirt while footsteps and sleepy voices started echoing from upstairs.
James just pressed another quick, smiling kiss to the top of your head and held you tighter.
For years he had loved you in silence. Now, James swore he’d love you loudly for the rest of his life.
⬩➤ note: first fic (in this account), kinda nervous! I lowk hate how I wrote this so prepare to be disappointed while reading.......
⬩➤ synopsis:
At the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, second place is never enough—especially when first belongs to Tony Stark. As finals approach, you push yourself to the limit, determined to outrank him while he stays infuriatingly calm, always chewing that same damn bubblegum. But no matter how much you study, the question remains—will it be enough to beat him?
The flickering light of your lamp was almost as blinding as the glow from your laptop—you’d been staring at it for… your eyes darted to the bottom corner of the screen. 2:41 AM.
Fuck. It was already past midnight?
You’d been studying for seven hours straight, only looking away to scan your scattered notes or pour another cup of coffee. You buried your face in your hands at the realization, stress pressing behind your eyes. With finals coming up, you couldn’t afford to stop—but, God, your head was pounding.
Maybe a few hours of sleep wouldn’t hurt. Just a few.
You pushed away from your desk, forcing yourself to stand. Too fast—you stumble back a step, hand gripping the edge of the table to steady yourself.
You really needed sleep.
The laptop shut with a soft click, the harsh glow finally gone. You gathered your scattered notes into a loose pile and dropped them somewhere on the desk—you’d deal with it tomorrow.
Your bed hit like gravity.
Four minutes later, you were gone.
The morning would be worse. It always was. Finals at MIT didn’t care how much you studied or how little you slept—they just kept coming. And tomorrow wasn’t just any exam.
You had to outperform everyone.
Especially Tony Stark.
The alarm dragged you back to consciousness at exactly 6:00 AM.
Three hours. That’s all you got.
Your head throbbed as you fumbled for your phone, silencing it with more force than necessary. There was barely any time—just enough to cram, just enough to get ready, just enough to drag yourself to an 8 AM that felt more like a punishment than a class.
Hell on earth, indeed.
A few minutes pass. You don’t really remember getting out of bed.
One second you’re staring blankly at the ceiling, the faint hum of your fan buzzing overhead, the weight of your own body pressing you into the mattress, and the next you’re standing in front of the sink. The bathroom light is too bright—sharp and unforgiving—forcing your eyes to squint as your toothbrush hangs loosely from your mouth, your reflection staring back at you like it has something to say.
You look like shit.
Your eyes are dull, rimmed red, dark circles carved deep enough to look permanent. Your hair sticks out in uneven directions, flattened awkwardly on one side, and your hoodie hangs off you like you never really took it off—which you didn’t. It still smells faintly like stale coffee and sleep you barely even felt.
“Great,” you mumble around the toothpaste, voice rough and dry. “Perfect condition to defeat a genius billionaire.”
The words feel stupid the second you say them—but not wrong.
Tony Stark.
Even thinking his name this early makes your head ache, a dull throb settling right behind your eyes. You spit, rinse, then splash cold water onto your face. It drips down your jaw, seeps into your sleeves, but you barely react, just stare at yourself again like maybe this time you’ll look more put together.
You don’t.
Whatever. Good enough.
The air outside is a vicious little bastard—sharp enough to sting your lungs with every inhale, cold and damp like it’s trying to crawl under your skin and wake you up by force. Not the crisp, invigorating kind of cold. Just miserable. Your breath fogs in front of you in pathetic little clouds as you trudge forward, the strap of your bag carving a trench into your shoulder. Every step feels heavier than the last, notes and textbooks dragging you down like anchors. Your head throbs in time with your heartbeat.
Finals week has turned the entire campus into a zombie parade.
Everyone looks half-dead. Shoulders curled in, eyes bloodshot, mouths moving silently over flashcards like they’re praying to the god of passing grades. The smell of burnt coffee clings to everything, thick and bitter. Someone nearly bumps into you without even glancing up. No apology. You don’t expect one.
Everyone looks like they’re one Red Bull away from collapse.
Except him.
Tony Stark leans against the wall like he owns the hallway, like the pressure crushing everyone else is just a light breeze he can’t be bothered to notice. Designer jacket, effortless posture, one ankle casually crossed over the other. No notes. No bloodshot eyes. No visible soul-crushing exhaustion. Just that permanent, infuriating half-smirk playing on his lips as he chews gum like it’s an art form.
You hate him. God, you hate him.
Your steps falter for half a second before you force them steady again. Of course he’s chewing gum. Slow, deliberate rolls of his jaw, the faint, rhythmic click when he presses it between his teeth. It shouldn’t pull your attention. It’s just gum. But your gaze snags on it anyway—the subtle shift, the way his lips part and close, the faint sheen of saliva catching the light. Disgusting. Distracting. Annoying as hell.
You tear your eyes away, jaw clenched so tight it aches.
A group of admirers clusters around him, laughing too hard at whatever bullshit he’s saying. You try to slip past without engaging, bag strap digging deeper into your shoulder, focus locked straight ahead on the scuffed tiles.
You almost make it.
His gaze snaps to you like he felt you looking.
The hallway noise dulls. Your stomach twists—tight, hot irritation flooding your chest. He pushes off the wall with that lazy confidence that makes you want to throw something at his perfect face.
“Well,” Tony drawls, voice smooth and far too awake for this time of morning, “if it isn’t my favorite little rival. You look like shit.”
Your head snaps toward him. Heat flares up your neck—anger, pure and sharp.
“Fuck off, Stark,” you bite back, voice low and venomous. “Don’t you have a circle of desperate freshmen to impress? Go entertain your fan club and leave the rest of us to actually study.”
He chuckles, low and unbothered, and takes another slow chew of that damn gum. The soft click echoes in your ears louder than it should. Your eyes flick to his mouth before you can stop yourself. The way his tongue shifts it, the faint pop of pressure between his teeth. It’s infuriating. Why the hell are you even noticing?
He steps closer. Not enough for anyone else to notice, but enough for you to catch the faint mix of coffee and expensive cologne that clings to him. Close enough to make the air feel thicker.
“Rough night?” he asks, eyes dragging over your wrinkled hoodie and the dark circles you know are carved under your eyes. “Or just the usual—staying up late trying to catch up to me?”
Your fingers curl tighter around your bag strap until your knuckles ache. The hatred burns hot in your chest, drowning everything else. He’s such a smug prick. You want to wipe that look off his face with your fist.
“Keep dreaming,” you snap, stepping forward to meet him instead of backing down. “The only thing I’ll be catching up to is the sound of you choking on your own ego during the exam. Wouldn’t that be poetic?”
Tony’s grin sharpens, eyes glinting with something mean and delighted. He blows a small, tight bubble—slow, deliberate—letting it stretch just enough to catch the overhead light before it pops with a soft, wet snap.
Your gaze locks on it. Heat crawls up your spine. Disgust. Pure disgust. He’s such an arrogant asshole.
“Careful,” he murmurs, voice dropping as he leans in just a fraction. “All that fire might burn you out before the first question. I’d hate to win by default. Almost takes the fun out of it.”
You laugh—short, bitter, and mean.
“Hate to break it to you, but you’ve never been any fun. Just loud. And irritating.” Your eyes flick to his mouth again as he works the gum, jaw shifting. That stupid, rhythmic motion. It makes your skin prickle with irritation. “Though I guess the gum helps. Gives your mouth something to do besides spew bullshit.”
For a split second, something flickers across his face—amusement, maybe challenge. Then the smirk returns, sharper.
He steps past you, shoulder nearly brushing yours, and murmurs just loud enough for you to hear:
“Try not to think about me too much during the exam, sweetheart. Wouldn’t want you distracted.”
You don’t turn around. Your nails dig into your palms as you force yourself to keep walking, the strap of your bag biting into your shoulder like a reminder.
You hate him. You despise everything about him—that cocky attitude, that effortless superiority, that stupid gum he chews like he’s trying to crawl under your skin.
The hatred sits heavy and comforting in your chest, burning away everything else.
You’re going to beat him.
And when you do, you’re going to enjoy watching that smug face finally crack.
The classroom feels warmer than the hallway, but not in any comforting way. It’s the kind of warmth that clings—thick with the smell of paper, ink, and too many bodies running on too little sleep. Coffee hangs in the air in sharp, bitter waves, mixing with the faint metallic tang of old dust and overheated electronics. The fluorescent lights hum above you, steady and unkind, flattening everything into pale colorless clarity.
You sit down. The plastic chair is cool through your hoodie at first, then slowly warms against your back. Your bag drops beside you with a dull thud that feels louder than it should be. Around you, pens click, pages rustle, someone exhales shakily like they’ve been holding their breath for hours already.
The professor walks in.
The room shifts instantly—subtle, collective. Chairs stop moving. Breathing changes. The door clicks shut, final and quiet. They speak—instructions, you assume—but only fragments reach you. The rest drifts past like it’s underwater, distant and muffled, as if you’re hearing it from somewhere you’re not fully in. You’re too distracted, and yet your mind feels unnaturally clear at the same time.
“....Begin.”
Paper lands in front of you with a soft, unmistakable weight.
And then the room breaks into sound again—pens scratching, paper turning, the uneven rhythm of panic and focus blending together. Ink hits paper. Yours joins in.
At first, it’s just you and the exam. Clean focus. Controlled breathing. The faint drag of pen tip against paper, your fingers steady despite the dull pressure behind your eyes.
Then you feel it. That subtle pull at the edge of your awareness, like something just outside your focus trying to drag you back.
You look up.
Tony Stark is already looking at you.
It’s not obvious—just a pause in his pen, a stillness in the angle of his posture. His gaze doesn’t linger long enough for anyone else to notice, but it catches you like it was meant only for you to see. Measuring. Calm. Sharp in a way that doesn’t belong in a room like this.
Then—he looks away.
Back to his paper like nothing happened.
Your grip tightens around your pen until your fingers ache.
Focus.
The room stretches strange after that. Time doesn’t move evenly anymore—it stutters between scratches of ink, shifting chairs, the soft cough of someone two rows behind you. The air grows warmer, heavier, like it’s been used too many times already.
Your hand starts to hurt. A dull, spreading ache in your knuckles, the side of your palm faintly stained with ink that won’t fully dry. You shift once in your seat, fabric sticking slightly to your skin.
Still—you don’t stop.
Not until a sound echoes through the room—
The scraping of a chair.
Clean. Certain.
Your head lifts before you can stop it.
Tony stands.
Of course he does.
He moves like time is irrelevant to him—papers gathered in a calm stack, no hesitation in the way he straightens them. The faint scent of mint gum trails with him as he walks, cutting through the stale air in quick, sharp flickers.
He hands in his exam, says something to the professor you can’t hear, then turns.
And for a second—
His eyes find yours.
A second passes, and then—
Then he’s gone.
The door opens, releasing a brief rush of cooler air that brushes your face like a breath from another world. It shuts again behind him with a soft click.
You force your attention back down.
Keep writing.
The question in front of you swims for half a second, the words blurring at the edges before snapping back into focus. You blink once, forcing your breathing to even out, forcing your thoughts to line up in something that resembles coherence. The dull throb in your head is still there, persistent, pressing, but it fades just enough when you concentrate.
You know this. You know this.
Your pen lowers to the page, the tip hovering for the briefest moment before it touches down. Ink bleeds into the paper in smooth, controlled strokes, your handwriting just a little tighter than usual, a little more deliberate. Every number, every symbol, every line of reasoning is placed carefully, like if you rush it now, it’ll fall apart.
Keep writing.
Until there’s nothing left to write.
Until your pen stops.
The silence after is strange. Not empty—but stretched. Your fingers stay on the paper a moment longer, feeling the slight texture beneath your skin, the faint heat of where your hand had been moving nonstop.
Then you gather your exam.
Paper slides against paper with a soft, final sound. Real. Certain.
You stand.
The chair scrapes behind you—louder than it should be. A few heads flicker up briefly, then return to their work.
The walk forward feels longer than it should. Every step faint against the floor, your body slightly out of sync with itself, like your mind finished before the rest of you caught up.
The air near the front of the room is cooler. Less dense. It smells faintly like chalk and printer ink.
You place your paper down.
It lands softly.
Your fingers don’t move for a second.
Then they do.
You turn.
The door feels farther than it should.
Your heartbeat is louder now—not fast, just present. Heavy in your chest, in your ears, in the quiet space between breaths.
You push the door open.
Cold air hits your face immediately. Fresh. Thin. Real.
It carries the faint smell of outdoors—grass, concrete warmed by sun, distant movement of people existing outside this room.
You step out.
The door clicks shut behind you.
And suddenly—
Everything is too quiet.
Your breath comes out slightly uneven as your body finally registers what just happened. The weight of it. The finality.
You’re done.
Finally.
But the tension doesn’t leave. Because somewhere in the back of your mind, sharp and unrelenting—
Was it enough?
Enough to beat him?
The hallway is louder than usual—in the way every sound feels sharper, tighter, like it’s all stretched thin over something waiting to snap. Shoes scuff against the floor, bags brush past shoulders, voices overlap in hushed bursts that never quite settle. There’s a kind of nervous energy clinging to the air, thick and restless, smelling faintly of coffee, paper, and something metallic from the rows of lockers lining the walls.
Everyone’s gathered in one place.
You don’t even need to see it yet to know where the list is posted—the crowd gives it away. A tight cluster of students pressed toward the bulletin board, shifting, craning their necks, trying to catch a glimpse over each other’s shoulders. Someone laughs too quickly. Someone else exhales like they’ve been holding it for hours.
Your stomach tightens.
You adjust your grip on your bag and move forward, slipping between people with quiet determination, brushing past fabric and warm bodies, catching fragments of conversation as you go.
“…I swear if I failed—” “…no way that was fair—” “…he finished early, did you see that?”
You ignore it.
Focus.
The closer you get, the louder your heartbeat becomes—steady at first, then faster, pressing against your ribs, climbing into your throat. Your fingers curl slightly against your side, grounding yourself in something solid as you finally reach the front.
The paper is pinned neatly to the board.
Too neat.
Too final.
Your eyes scan it immediately, skipping over names too fast to register, searching for one thing, one number, one answer—
There.
Rank 1: Tony Stark - 98.42%
Rank 2: You - 98.12%
Your breath catches.
You were right there.
Your eyes linger on the numbers for a second longer than they should, tracing the space between first and second like it might change if you look hard enough. The difference isn’t even big.
You were right there.
You swallow, the taste in your mouth suddenly dry, metallic.
Of course.
Of course he was higher than you again.
A shift beside you.
You don’t need to look to know.
“Second place,” a familiar voice says smoothly, close enough that you feel it more than hear it at first. “Consistent. I respect that.”
You turn.
Tony Stark stands just a step away, hands tucked loosely into his pockets, posture relaxed like this is just another normal day. Like he didn’t just beat you. Like this doesn’t matter.
He’s chewing gum yet again.
The faint, rhythmic movement of his jaw is slower this time, almost thoughtful, the soft click barely audible under the noise of the hallway—but you hear it anyway.
You always do.
Your jaw tightens.
“First place,” you shoot back, voice steady despite the tightness in your chest. “Must be exhausting, carrying that ego around all the time.”
One corner of his mouth lifts.
Not offended.
Amused.
“Not really,” he says lightly. “You get used to it when it’s accurate.”
You scoff, crossing your arms loosely, shifting your weight just slightly. The hallway presses in around you, people still talking, moving, reacting—but it all feels distant now, blurred at the edges.
“You’re insufferable.”
“I’ve been told,” he replies easily.
Another slow chew.
Your eyes flick to it for half a second before snapping back up.
God.
You hate that.
His gaze sharpens just slightly, like he caught that movement. Like he notices more than he lets on.
“So,” he continues, tilting his head just a bit, studying you now instead of the board. “You almost had it.”
Almost.
The word lands heavier than it should.
You shrug, forcing something casual into your posture, even as your fingers curl tighter against your arms.
“Yeah,” you say. “Almost.”
There’s a beat.
Something shifts.
It’s subtle—but it’s there.
His expression doesn’t change much, but the way he looks at you does. Sharper. More focused. Like he’s thinking about something he hasn’t decided how to say yet.
Then—
“Well,” Tony says, voice still light, still easy—too easy—“I guess second place is kind of your thing now.”
What?
Your chest tightens, something sharp catching just under your ribs. The noise around you seems to rush back all at once—voices, footsteps, laughter—but it all feels distant, muffled, like it’s happening somewhere else.
You stare at him for a second.
Waiting.
For the follow-up. The joke. The anything that makes it less—
It doesn’t come.
He keeps going.
“You’re good,” he adds, almost casually. “Just… not enough.”
There it is.
Something in your chest drops, leaving a hollow space behind. Your throat tightens, too, your grip on your arms loosening slightly as you let them fall to your sides. You hate that your first instinct isn’t to snap back—but to feel it.
Because it’s not entirely wrong.
But, God, does that make it hurt more.
You inhale slowly, steadying yourself, forcing your expression back into something controlled, something unaffected.
“Wow,” you say, voice quieter now—but sharper. “You’re an asshole.”
A flicker of something crosses his face—quick, almost unnoticeable.
But you catch it.
Good.
You don’t wait for him to respond.
You turn, stepping away from the board, from him, from the weight of that stupid list and the way your chest feels too tight for comfort. The hallway blurs slightly at the edges as you move, your vision not quite steady, your heartbeat too loud in your ears.
You’re not crying.
You’re not.
But your eyes burn anyway, that uncomfortable pressure building no matter how hard you try to ignore it.
You push forward, past people, past voices, past everything—
“Hey—”
His voice cuts through the noise behind you.
Closer than it should be.
You don’t stop.
“Wait—”
Faster footsteps now.
Then—
A hand catches your wrist.
Warm.
Firm.
You freeze.
Your breath stutters slightly as you look down at where he’s holding you, then back up at him, your expression tightening again, walls snapping back into place.
“What?” you snap, sharper than before.
Tony looks… off.
For the first time, there’s something uncertain in his expression, something unsteady just beneath the surface. His jaw shifts again, the gum movement quicker now, less controlled.
“I didn’t—” he starts, then stops, like the words don’t line up right.
You pull your wrist back.
He lets go immediately.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” he tries again, more rushed this time, like he’s catching up to something too late. “I just— that came out wrong.”
You let out a short, humorless breath.
“Yeah,” you say. “It did.”
“That’s not what I meant,” he insists, frowning slightly now, like he’s frustrated—not at you, but at himself. “You’re— I wouldn’t—”
He stops again.
The words don’t come.
Of course they don’t.
You shake your head, stepping back.
“Save it,” you say quietly. “You said what you said.”
“That’s not—” he starts again, then exhales sharply, running a hand through his hair. “You think I’d be paying attention to you this much if you weren’t—”
He cuts himself off.
Too late.
Your chest tightens again—but this time, you shut it down faster.
“Wow,” you mutter. “That supposed to make it better?”
His expression falters.
You don’t give him time to fix it.
“Next time,” you add, voice colder now, steadier, “just stick to being insufferable. You’re better at that.”
And then you turn.
This time, you don’t stop.
You don’t slow down until you’re far enough away that the noise fades, replaced by something quieter, emptier.
His voice doesn’t follow you again.
Your chest rises and falls a little too fast, your heartbeat still pounding hard enough to make it hard to think clearly. Your vision blurs for a second before you blink it away, pressing your lips together tightly.
You’re fine.
You’re fine.
You just need to—
Fix it.
Do better.
Be better.
So next time—
There won’t be a gap.
Not even a small one.
Your dorm room doesn’t feel like a room anymore.
It feels like something you’ve been trapped in too long.
The air is stale, unmoving, carrying the layered scent of cold coffee, paper, and something faintly sour from food that’s been left too long without being touched. The window is cracked open just enough to let in a thin stream of outside air, but it doesn’t help much—it just drags in the distant noise of campus life you’re no longer part of. Voices, laughter, footsteps. All of it muffled, like it’s happening somewhere far away.
You haven’t stepped outside in… you’re not sure.
The curtains hang unevenly, one side pulled more than the other, letting in strips of dull daylight that stretch across the floor and die before they reach your desk. Dust drifts slowly through the light, settling over everything that hasn’t been moved in hours.
Days.
Your desk is a disaster.
Not chaotic in a careless way—but in an obsessive one.
Stacks of notes tower unevenly, some neatly aligned, others collapsing into scattered piles that spill across the surface and onto the floor. Papers overlap, corners bent, edges soft from being handled too many times. Ink bleeds through some pages where you pressed too hard, equations rewritten over and over again until they blur into themselves.
There’s no empty space left.
Every inch is taken.
Filled.
Used.
Your laptop hums softly, the fan working harder than it should, heat pooling beneath it. The screen casts a harsh glow over everything, washing the room in a dull, artificial light that makes it hard to tell what time it is anymore. Tabs line the top—too many to count—slides, research papers, practice exams, forums, videos paused mid-explanation.
You’ve already gone through them.
All of them.
You’re going through them again.
Just in case.
Your pen drags across the page, the scratch constant, uneven. Your handwriting is tighter now, less controlled, letters pressing harder into the paper like you’re trying to carve the information into something permanent.
Your hand aches.
You don’t stop.
Your stomach twists faintly, hollow and tight, but the feeling passes as quickly as it comes. There’s food sitting on your desk—containers, bags, things you don’t remember accepting but know didn’t come from you.
They’re unopened.
One of them has your name written on it in someone else’s handwriting.
You don’t touch it.
Your mouth tastes dry, bitter, like old coffee and something metallic at the back of your tongue. You swallow, but it doesn’t go away.
It doesn’t matter.
None of it does.
You flip another page.
Rewrite the same problem.
Break it down differently.
Solve it again.
Because if you just—
If you just get it right enough—
“You’re good. Just… not enough.”
Your pen presses harder.
The tip catches slightly on the paper, leaving a darker line, almost tearing through the page.
Not enough.
Your jaw tightens.
Fine.
Then you’ll be more.
You’ll fix it.
You’ll fix everything.
Your phone buzzes.
The sound is sudden, sharp in the quiet room, vibrating against the desk and rattling lightly against a stack of notes. You don’t look at it at first. You keep writing, forcing your focus to stay on the page, like if you ignore it, it’ll stop.
It doesn’t.
It buzzes again.
And again.
Persistent.
Annoying.
You exhale sharply, setting your pen down harder than necessary before reaching for it. The screen lights up too bright against your eyes, making you squint slightly as you unlock it.
A message.
Not from a saved contact.
Just a number.
“You should eat.”
Your stomach twists again.
You stare at the message for a second longer than you should.
Then you lock your phone without replying and toss it back onto the desk, letting it slide against a pile of notes.
You reach for your pen again.
Keep going.
There’s a knock on your door later.
Soft.
Careful.
You ignore it.
A pause.
Then the door opens just slightly, your friend Natasha peeking in, eyes scanning the room before landing on you.
“Oh my God,” she breathes, stepping inside. “You look—have you slept?”
“I’m fine,” you say immediately, not looking up from your notes.
You hear her move closer, stepping over papers, shifting things out of the way.
“You don’t look fine,” she says, quieter now. “You haven’t been out in like four days. They gave us two weeks off, and you're spending it holed up in here—”
She lingers for a second longer, like she wants to say something else, then sighs softly and heads back toward the door.
“Oh—and,” she adds, pausing. “He asked if you were okay.”
Your pen stills for half a second.
Just a second.
Then—
“I’m fine,” you repeat.
She doesn't argue this time.
The door closes.
You’re alone again.
You don’t look at the food.
You don’t check your phone.
You don’t think about who sent it.
You just pick up your pen again.
And keep going.
Because if you just work harder—
If you just push a little more—
Next time—
You won’t be second.
You won’t be almost.
You won’t be—
Not enough.
Time stops behaving like time.
It stretches, folds in on itself, disappears in places you can’t quite track. The thin strip of daylight at your window fades into gray, then into dark, then back again, but you don’t register when it changes—only that it does. The only constant is the glow of your laptop, harsh and unwavering, casting everything in that same artificial wash that makes it impossible to tell if it’s morning or night unless you really try.
You don’t try.
Your desk has spread.
It’s no longer contained to the surface—it’s taken over the floor, creeping outward in uneven layers of paper and notebooks, loose sheets overlapping like scales. You step over them without looking, sometimes onto them, sometimes crumpling the edges under your weight without noticing. There are equations you recognize and ones you don’t, half-finished diagrams, annotations written over older annotations until the ink bleeds into something almost illegible.
You’re rewriting things you already know.
You know you are.
You do it anyway.
Your pen moves constantly, the scratch louder now in the quiet room, sharper, more uneven. Your grip is tighter, fingers stiff, knuckles faintly sore where the pressure doesn’t let up. Ink stains the side of your hand, smudged in streaks where you’ve dragged it across the page without thinking.
Your head hurts.
Not sharply—just constantly. A dull, heavy pressure that sits behind your eyes and makes everything feel slightly off, like you’re half a second behind yourself.
It doesn’t stop you.
Nothing does.
Your phone buzzes again.
It’s become a pattern.
You don’t check it immediately anymore—you’ve learned the rhythm. A message. Then another if you ignore it long enough. Then silence.
You let it buzz once.
Twice.
Three times.
Then, finally, you reach for it, more out of irritation than anything else. The screen lights up too bright again, forcing your eyes to squint as you unlock it.
Same number.
“You still haven’t eaten.”
A second message comes in before you can even lower the phone.
“I asked your friend. Don’t lie.”
Your jaw tightens.
You stare at the words, something flickering briefly in your chest—annoyance, maybe. Something sharper underneath.
You lock the phone.
Set it down harder than necessary.
You don’t respond.
There’s a knock again later. You ignore it. The door still opens anyway.
Natasha steps in slowly this time, like she’s careful not to disturb something already too fragile. The air in your room feels heavier when she enters—stale with paper, cold coffee, and the faint metallic edge of exhaustion that doesn’t really smell like anything until you’ve been living in it too long.
“Hey,” she says softly.
You don’t look up.
The desk is a mess of overlapping papers, ink-dark equations bleeding into each other, pages curled at the edges from too many restless hands. The lamp hums faintly beside it, casting a tired yellow glow over everything.
“Did you eat what I brought earlier?”
“Yes,” you answer automatically.
Flat.
Too quick.
A lie that doesn’t even try to hide.
A pause.
“…You didn’t.”
You don’t respond.
Natasha exhales quietly through her nose, the sound controlled but tired, like she’s already guessed this answer too many times. She shifts something on your desk—papers sliding softly against each other, a pen rolling a few centimeters before stopping. Making space where there isn’t any.
“I brought something else,” she says. “It’s warm.”
You don’t look.
But the smell reaches you anyway—rich, savory, real. It cuts through the stale air sharply, making your stomach tighten in a way you immediately ignore.
“…He paid for it,” she adds after a beat.
Your pen stills.
Just for a second.
Then it moves again, ink pressing darker into the page.
“That doesn’t change anything,” you say quieter now.
“I didn’t say it did.”
Silence settles between you, thick with the hum of the lamp and the soft rustle of paper when she shifts her weight.
“He’s trying,” she says gently.
Your grip tightens around the pen until your fingers ache. “I didn’t ask him to.”
“I know.”
A longer pause this time. The food stays untouched on your desk, warmth slowly fading into the room.
“Just don’t burn yourself out over this,” she says finally, softer. “It’s one exam.”
Your pen presses harder against the paper, the ink slightly smudging at the edge.
“It’s not,” you mutter.
Natasha doesn’t argue again.
She just watches you for a second longer—quiet, understanding in a way you don’t want to meet—and then she leaves.
The door clicks shut behind her.
And the room feels even smaller than before.
Hours pass.
Or maybe minutes.
You don’t know.
Your handwriting gets worse.
Messier.
Less precise.
Your thoughts start overlapping, doubling back on themselves, repeating things you already solved, already understood.
You catch yourself making a mistake you shouldn’t make.
Your pen freezes.
You stare at it.
At the line.
At the wrong answer.
Your chest tightens.
No.
No, that’s—
You know this.
You know this.
You flip back pages, scanning, searching for where you went wrong, where you slipped, where you—
Your vision blurs slightly.
You blink hard.
Once.
Twice.
It doesn’t fully clear.
Your hand trembles faintly when you try to write again.
The pen scratches unevenly across the page.
Your breath comes in a little sharper now.
A little quicker.
Your stomach twists again—harder this time.
You ignore it.
You push through it.
You keep going.
Because stopping—
Stopping means thinking.
And thinking means remembering.
“Just… not enough.”
Your jaw clenches.
You press harder.
Write faster.
Messier.
Like if you just keep moving, you won’t feel it.
Your phone lights up again. It’s been buzzing non-stop, and you’ve been ignoring it the whole time.
The screen dims on its own after a few seconds, the message unread.
Outside your door, footsteps pass.
Voices drift.
Life continues.
Inside—
You don’t stop.
And somewhere just out of reach, Tony Stark keeps trying.
Messages sit unread. Food comes back untouched. Questions are asked through other people instead of you, always careful, always indirect.
He keeps his distance on purpose—because if he pushes too far, he knows you’ll shut him out completely.
So he doesn’t.
He waits. Watches. Tries in every way that doesn’t force you to face him.
It still doesn’t work.
Your pen slips.
A line goes wrong again.
You stare at it, your chest tightening, your breath catching halfway through.
You know this.
You know this.
So why—
Your fingers curl tighter around the pen.
Your head dips slightly, the room tilting just a fraction—
You blink again.
Harder this time.
The edges of your vision don’t fully settle.
Your breathing is uneven now.
Too fast.
Too shallow.
But still—
Still, you don’t stop.
Because you can’t.
Not when you’re this close.
Not when you’re still—
Not enough.
There’s a knock again, but it doesn’t fully register at first. It blends into everything else—the low hum of your laptop, the scratch of your pen, the faint ringing in your ears that never really leaves anymore. Just another sound in a room already too full of them.
Then it comes again. Sharper. Intentional.
Your hand stills.
“…Open the door.”
Your stomach drops.
That voice.
You don’t move. Don’t answer. Your eyes drop back to the page like it might save you from this moment if you just ignore it hard enough.
“I know you’re in there.”
Closer now. Right outside.
You exhale through your nose, tight. “Go away,” you mutter.
A pause.
Then the handle shifts.
Locked.
Good.
“Seriously?” Tony’s voice cuts through, muffled but edged. “You’re not even gonna—”
You press your pen down harder.
Ignore him.
Ignore—
“Fine.”
A beat.
“Then I’m not leaving.”
Silence settles heavy again. Thick. Pressing.
A dull thud hits the door—not loud, just enough to feel it in your chest.
He’s still there.
Of course he is.
“…You haven’t answered anything I sent,” he says after a moment. “Food’s still untouched. Your friend says you look like you haven’t slept.”
Your grip tightens.
“Not your problem,” you snap.
“It is when you look like you’re about to collapse over paper.”
“I’m fine.”
A pause. Longer this time.
Then, quieter—“Yeah. You keep saying that.”
Something in you snaps.
The chair scrapes back harshly as you stand. Too fast. Too loud. Everything feels too loud suddenly—the room, your heartbeat, the paper under your hands, even your breath.
You cross the space in uneven steps and yank the door open.
Cold air hits your face.
Tony is right there.
Too close.
For a second, neither of you speaks.
Then his eyes move over you—your face, the mess behind you, the exhaustion you can’t hide anymore.
“You look like hell,” he says flatly.
“Great,” you snap. “You came all the way here for that?”
“I came because you’re not answering,” he fires back. “Which, in case you forgot, usually means something’s wrong.”
“I don’t want to talk to you.”
“I got that part,” he says, stepping in slightly anyway. “Doesn’t mean I’m leaving it alone.”
“You don’t get to—” your voice rises, breaks slightly. “Act like you care after what you said.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“You said I wasn’t enough.”
Silence.
It lands heavier this time.
“That’s not what this is.”
“Then what is it?” you shoot back.
Silence.
He looks at you. Really looks at you. And for once— He doesn’t have an easy answer.
“I—” he starts, then stops, jaw clenching slightly. “I don’t know how to say it in a way you’re not gonna twist into something else.”
Your chest tightens. Anger flares again, sharp and defensive. “Then don’t say it at all.”
“See, that’s exactly what I—”
“Just stop,” you snap, stepping back, shaking your head. “You don’t get to show up here and act like you suddenly care about me when you’re the one who—”
“Because I do care about you!”
Everything stills.
Even the room behind you feels quieter.
The words hit the air harder than anything else he’s said.
You don’t think.
You move.
You step forward before your mind can catch up to your body.
Not because it’s romantic. Not because it’s thought out. Not even because it feels like anything you can name cleanly.
Because he’s still talking—still looking at you like he sees too much, like he’s about to say something that will pry open everything you’ve been holding shut with your teeth—and you can’t stand another second of it.
So you grab him—you tell yourself it was just to shut him up, to stop him from saying anything else that might make this worse, to wipe that frustrating, infuriating, almost concerned look off his face—that you kiss him.
His shirt folds harshly under your fist, fabric bunching tight as you yank him down into your space like you’re trying to erase the distance, like proximity alone can drown out the noise in your head. There’s no elegance to it. No hesitation left room to breathe. Just a collision you don’t let yourself think about.
It’s immediate—too fast to soften, too sharp to be careful.
His breath stutters against your lips like the impact surprises even him, like his thoughts are still half a step behind what’s happening. Yours are worse. Yours are gone entirely, swallowed by the heat of it, by the way everything you’ve been holding in for hours—or days, or longer—snaps at once.
It’s all teeth and heat and pent-up fury. Your lips smash against his with zero grace, raw and desperate, born from exhaustion and frustration that’s been boiling for days. The world narrows to the violent thud of your heartbeat in your ears, the sharp sting where your teeth clip his lip, the chaotic mess of breath and anger colliding.
His mouth is warm, but it doesn’t feel gentle. Not at first.
There’s resistance—not from him pulling away, but from the sheer fact that neither of you are coordinated enough for this to be anything but messy. Teeth almost catching. Breath breaking mid-inhale. Mint explodes across your tongue—sharp and artificial, like something too clean for what this is supposed to mean. It floods your senses like a slap, cutting through the haze of your racing thoughts.
Gum.
He still has that fucking gum in his mouth.
That detail alone almost makes you laugh—almost—but it twists instead, tightens something in your chest because it’s so him, so infuriatingly unchanged while everything between you is shifting too fast to track.
Your grip tightens, knuckles pressing harder into fabric like you’re trying to anchor yourself, like if you let go even slightly you might float out of your own body. His breath catches again—closer now, louder—and it feeds into the chaos instead of calming it.
There’s heat behind it that doesn’t know where to land. Anger, maybe. Or adrenaline. Or the unbearable relief of finally not having to listen to him speak over the storm in your head.
Then—just as abruptly as it started—you pull back.
It breaks like something snapping under tension.
Air rushes in cold where warmth had been, and suddenly everything is too loud again: your breathing, his, the distant hum of the room you forgot existed. Your fingers loosen from his shirt like they’ve forgotten how to hold on.
The taste still lingers—mint cutting through everything, bright and wrong against the way your pulse is still hammering too fast.
For a second, neither of you moves.
Tony just looks at you.
Not shocked anymore. Not quite. More like recalibrating. Like something in him has gone very still, very deliberate, as if he’s trying to understand the shape of what just happened without naming it too quickly.
You can’t stand that look.
“That didn’t—” you start, too fast, voice catching on its own urgency. “That didn’t mean anything.”
It comes out defensive. Automatic. A reflex before feeling can attach itself to it.
A lie wearing your voice.
His mouth opens slightly, then closes again. The gum slows. Stops. Like even that small, habitual motion has been forgotten.
“…Right,” he says after a beat.
But it doesn’t sound like agreement.
It sounds like he’s filing it away somewhere you don’t get access to.
Silence spreads between you, thick and uncomfortable, filling every gap the kiss left behind. You step back without thinking, as if distance can undo impact, as if space can rewind something that already changed shape.
“Just—forget it,” you add quickly, too quickly. “Get out.”
You expect movement. A door opening. The end of it.
Instead—
“No.”
The word lands differently. Not sharp, no.
Certain.
You look up too fast.
Tony hasn’t moved away. If anything, he’s closer now without having stepped forward, like the air itself has shortened the gap between you.
“I’m not leaving you here,” he says.
And there it is again—that thing in his voice you can’t categorize. Not teasing. Not dismissive. Something steadier than both.
You shake your head immediately, because if you let that land, if you let it settle, you won’t be able to keep pretending this is simple.
“That doesn’t—”
Before you can protest, he moves. One step closes the distance like a storm rolling in. His hand cups your jaw—firm, warm, calloused fingertips grounding you even as your pulse spikes. He doesn’t crash into you like you did him.
He chooses you.
His kiss is devastatingly soft.
It’s softer before you even understand why. Slower. Intentional in a way that makes your chest tighten because it feels like he’s actually here for it, not just caught in it.
There’s no collision. No scrambling to catch up.
Just contact.
His lips meet yours with a tenderness that almost breaks you. Warm. Deliberate. Like every second of restraint he’s been holding back is pouring out now in the gentle press of his mouth. The mint is still there, but softer now, muted by heat and the faint sweetness of his breath. It lingers instead of attacking—warm spice and something unmistakably Tony that sinks deep into your chest.
Warmth settles where chaos was a moment ago, like something finally remembering how to be still.
His thumb strokes slowly along your cheekbone, reverent, like he’s memorizing the feel of your skin while he still can. The kiss deepens by degrees, unhurried, patient in a way that screams everything he’s never said out loud. I’ve got you. You’re not alone in this mess. Let me carry some of it. Every careful tilt of his head, every brush of his lips, every quiet exhale against your mouth is a confession he doesn’t have the words for.
The mint is still there, but it’s no longer sharp. It blends now with something warmer underneath it—something that doesn’t cut through you, but wraps around the edges instead.
Your fingers curl weakly into his shirt again, not pulling this time—just holding on as the world tilts. The chaos in your head quiets. The frantic drum of your heart steadies under the warmth of his touch. His other hand slides to your waist, anchoring you, solid and real amid the storm still raging inside your ribs.
The room fades at the edges—not disappearing, just losing its sharpness. The noise in your head doesn’t vanish, but it dulls, like someone turned the volume down instead of cutting the wire.
He pauses for a breath—close enough that you feel it—and gives you the space.
The choice.
You don’t move away.
So he doesn’t either.
Instead, he deepens it—barely. Not enough to overwhelm. Just enough to make it real.
Like he’s saying everything he didn’t say out loud. Everything too clumsy for words, too vulnerable to risk being misunderstood.
I’m here.
I’m not leaving.
I see you.
And for the first time in a while, your body doesn’t feel like it’s bracing against something.
It just… settles.
The bulletin board is less crowded this time.
Not empty—but quieter.
Like the building itself is holding its breath.
Late afternoon light spills through the high windows of the corridor, soft and gold-tinted, stretching long shadows across the floor. The usual chaos of finals week has dulled into something calmer now—students lingering instead of rushing, voices lower, movements slower. Paper rustles. A chair scrapes faintly somewhere down the hall. Someone laughs, then quickly stops like they forgot it wasn’t the right kind of day for it.
You stand a little behind the line forming in front of the board.
Not because you’re nervous.
Because you are.
But it’s different now.
Beside you, Tony shifts his weight like he’s got nowhere better to be. Like he’s not pretending he’s calm so hard it loops back into actual calm. His hands are in his pockets again, shoulders loose, head tilted slightly as if he’s already read the list and is just waiting for you to catch up.
You don’t look at him yet.
You look at the paper.
Pinned neatly. Same format. Same unforgiving structure.
Your eyes scan automatically.
Names. Scores. Ranks.
Your heartbeat doesn’t spike this time—it just tightens, controlled, like it already knows what it’s looking for.
Then you see it.
Rank 1: You - 99.02℅
Rank 2: Tony Stark - 98.93%
For a second, nothing happens—like your brain refuses to process it immediately, as if it’s checking twice, maybe three times, just to be sure it isn’t making things up again.
Then it settles.
Real.
Your name.
First.
Your breath comes out slower than expected.
“…Huh,” you murmur quietly, almost like you’re surprised your voice works.
Tony leans in slightly, reading over your shoulder even though he definitely doesn’t need to.
A beat passes.
Then—
“Well,” he says lightly, “look at that.”
There’s something in his tone that isn’t quite teasing anymore.
Not quite anything sharp.
Just… there.
You finally glance at him.
“Second place looks good on you,” you say automatically.
It comes out softer than you intend.
He huffs a quiet laugh.
“Yeah? I think I preferred when it was just competitive humiliation.”
You hum faintly, eyes drifting back to the list.
“Character development.”
“That what you’re calling it now?”
“Mm-hm.”
A pause.
It should feel like the old version of this—the banter, the edges, the bite.
But it doesn’t.
It’s lighter now.
Like neither of you is trying to win anything with words anymore.
Just… talking.
Tony shifts slightly, his shoulder brushing yours just barely as someone passes behind him. He doesn’t move away immediately.
Neither do you.
The contact lingers a second longer than it needs to.
Your eyes flick down without thinking.
His hand is near yours.
Close enough that if either of you moved wrong, they’d touch.
You notice it at the same time he does.
There’s a brief pause—so small it almost doesn’t exist.
Then his fingers shift.
And yours move slightly too, almost instinctively, closing the gap without either of you fully deciding to.
Your hands brush.
Just the lightest contact—knuckles grazing, warmth against warmth, fleeting enough that someone else would miss it entirely.
But neither of you move away.
Tony’s voice comes a second later, quieter now.
“Guess I’m gonna have to let you enjoy that.”
You glance at him again.
“What, first place?”
“Yeah,” he says. “Don’t get used to it.”
A faint smile tugs at your mouth before you can stop it.
“I won’t.”
But your hand doesn’t move away yet.
Neither does his.
For a moment, you just stand there in front of the list that used to mean everything sharp and competitive and unbearable—and now just feels… softer around the edges.
Tony finally shifts first, but only slightly, letting his fingers slip away slowly instead of breaking contact abruptly.
You feel the absence more than the touch.
He glances at you sideways.
“Still hate me?” he asks, tone lighter again, but careful underneath it.
You consider it.
Then shrug.
“…Less.”
He nods like that’s acceptable.
“Progress.”
You scoff softly.
“Don’t get arrogant.”
He blows a bubble with his gum, slow and unbothered, like he’s got all the time in the world. It stretches for a second—thin, translucent, catching the warm hallway light—before it pops softly, the sound faint but clear in the quiet space between you.
A faint snap of mint lingers in the air after it.
And in your mouth too, still there if you pay attention—cool and slightly sweet, stubborn in the way memories are, like it never fully left after the last time he was too close.
