Bitchmade

I wish I was eating gumbo right now

[patrickbatemanamericanpsycho]

When the group chat arguing and bro starts messaging you privately

[big-brain-brian]

[halondrus]

[cutecipher]

can you put that thing on a leash?

[halondrus]

ok

[angstyastro]

These miis getting diagnosed today

[fairweatheralways]

[lustcannibalism]

they should invent a way for me to do tasks without the mind torture

[lustcannibalism]

there is a world out there I can’t comprehend

[typecasto]

behold, context

[toweringclam]

[pissvortex]

Mobster, pointing a gun at my head: Any last words kid

Me: I actually like to use women's deodorant because the stuff for men dries out my skin and smells like harsh chemicals

*BANG*

(3 hours later, at Walmart)

(Mobster holding Dove Advance Care in the deodorant aisle)

Hmm...

[dogpuppy]

[ur-favorite-fishgirl]

if you vote me for president i vow to make everything the ocean again. no more land only ocean. this will solve all of our problems and replace them with new, far more interesting problems

[ruinedchildhood]

Tigers with a frozen milk brick on a hot day

[dragondriana]

needless to say they are hopelessly dependent on the ingot

[b1tchcup]

my favorite tweet ever. Every time I go to find it I’m blown away by how few retweets it has

[aflo]

A standard porno with the bad acting and music and whatnot but partway through the action the camera pans to a millipede and hunting spider locked in a duel for survival, the sounds of sex fade out and the scene in the background blurs, epic battle music starts to play

[tagfer]

cell phone doesn't like water because it is a combination of the other three elements. it is a rock (earth) that we fill with lightning (fire) that can control radio waves (air). if it contained water too, it would be too perfect; it would be like a god. to prevent this, the universe kills the would be uniter-of-the-elements. it's basic science.

[heronbrew]

Hey op google what LCD stands for

[tagfer]

i took an oath in third grade to never do drugs

[jaypilled]

are those my only options

[crabanarchy]

They say ooooh be a good boy for daddy and you'll get a reward. But then the reward is just gay sex. This is bullshit. I wanted a skateboard

[crabanarchy]

Then they say if you're a bad boy daddy will punish you. But what's the punishment? More gay sex! You can't escape it. This whole damn place is in the pocket of Big Sex

[fagsex]

[jellogram]

I should be doing more to appreciate the lack of marvel movies in today's popular culture. I once yearned for marvel movies to have this level of irrelevance. They used to feel almost ozymandian, like an empire that had no beginning and no end. and now tony stark iron man is naught but two vast and trunkless legs of stone.