â Â do you think weâre gonna die here tonight? Â â
â  itâs horrifying, chilling⊠just over all not good.  â
â Â should we just get this over with? Â â
â Â heâs a fucking criminal. Â â
â Â sharing is caring? meh, go fuck yourself. Â â
â  oh god, um⊠oh my god, i fucking hate this.  â
â Â stop banging on the door, you dick. Â â
â Â what. the fuck. is wrong with you. Â â
â Â i gotta be honest, this doesnât really compel me very much. Â â
â Â that was a joke that i made and then it formed your opinion on it. Â â
â Â flip that switch. do you think thatâs the murder switch? Â â
â Â this is embarrassing. this is embarrassing for you, i think. Â â
â Â no oneâs ghost-proof. Â â
â Â iâm ghost-proof. Â â
â Â youâre not ghost-proof. youâre just an idiot who refuses to see proof. Â â
â Â iâm ghost-proof, baby! Â â
â Â that sounded like will smith! Â â
â Â is will smith dead? has anyone checked the news?! Â â
â Â the problem is if thereâs something that attacks us down here, iâm going to hit my head on the ceiling and my skull will smash. Â â
â Â alright, buddy. keep your wits about ya. Â â
â Â letâs get the fuck out of here. Â â
â Â i kind of just looked into places that would make me wanna die and i think this checks that box. Â â
â Â did i just blind you? good, good, good. itâll give you the vision. Â â
â Â take a drink! Â â
â Â iâm gonna get you all tanked. Â â
â Â what do you expect? what insight are you trying to gather from here? Â â
â Â maybe the noise is a little snake. can you imagine a little snake wrapped around a little pickaxe with a little hat on? Â â
â  iâm not trying to do that whole dismissive thing, but⊠iâm dismissing it.  â
â Â alright. alright, man. you just gotta chill. Â â
â Â i thought âglory holeâ used to mean something very innocuous, though. Â â
â Â itâs where the men fucked the earth hoping to impregnate it with gold. Â â
â Â a bug flew up my nose. Â â
â Â i think iâve swallowed about six tablespoons of bugs at this point. Â â
â Â itâs so silent aside from the bugs in my ears. Â â
â Â a bat flew right behind you just now. Â â
â  that bat was straight-up going for your ass⊠it was an ass bat.  â
â dude, iâm so nervous. â
â how can you be nervous with a beautiful sunset like that? â
â thereâs some pretty shitty things that have happened to people around here. â
â can you even look at least a little bit worried? â
â yeah, iâm fucking nervous, man. i feel like iâm gonna vomit. â
â weâre all assholes here. â
â i donât know why i phrased it âlucky for us.â i think i was feeling brave when i wrote this. â
â yeah, this isnât lucky for you at all. â
â iâm gonna try and avoid saying âdemonâ as much as i can. â
â iâm not gonna let you goad me into this, i know what youâre trying to do. â
â shut up. weâre moving on. â
â you know what? iâm not trying to scare you, but⊠i got a bad feeling about this one. â
â why are you unbuttoning your pants? weâre in public right now. â
â oh⊠youâve out-dumbed yourself. â
â you know, i thought this was gonna be funny, but now iâm actually happy that i have it. â
â iâm a whole other coin. just like a chill ass wheat-back penny. â
â iâm doing it for the betterment of the science. â
â any demons here? you got any demons out tonight? any horn-y boys or whatever they are. â
â you may not like this⊠iâm gonna try to agitate it. â
â you do what you gotta do and iâll do what i gotta do. â
â iâm just gonna be as crude as possible here. â
â no, no, no. just right out of the gate. why build up? â
â if you donât believe then thereâs nothing for you to be afraid of, right? â
â you can be is big of a prick as you want, but iâm staying over here. â
â if you want me off this bridge, youâre gonna have to kill me. â
â nope! donât loop me into your shit! â
â stop looping me. i hate when you do this to me in demon places. â
â iâm not part of his little charade. â
â children will come here and tell tales about me. â
â shut the fuck up â iâm gonna murder you. â
â oh what a load of horse shit. â
â oh, skip the theatrics and just go into it. â
â if you want me off this bridge, youâre gonna have to throw me off. â
â you gotta admit, that is an effective technique. â
â no, itâs not an effective technique. itâs a way to get killed. â
â thatâs not how you get them, shut up. â
â whenâs the last time you ever walked into the dark woods? â
â this is so much scarier than hunting fucking sasquatch. â
â people usually feel overcome with emotion in here, like a violent emotion. â
â give me a heads up if you start to feel murderous. i would appreciate that. â
â by the way, these woods are also scary because of the people that might be in there. â
â i mean, people are greater threats than demons or ghouls. â
â i canât fight, you canât fight. â
â youâre like one of those carwash floaty things that are out front just wiggling around. â
â anyone doing up to no good out here? â
â one of these times weâre gonna die. â
â oh shit! thereâs something over there. i donât know what it is, but the bushes are moving.  â
â i just heard a scream. â
â well, if we just make it seem like weâre in on it, like⊠weâre here for the cult stuff. â
â weâre here for the cult stuff. we saw the ad on craigslist. â
â it feels weird to even joke. iâm so fucking scared right now. â
â oh sure theyâd be hiding in the bushes. theyâre cultists. â
â i keep collecting spiderwebs on my face and now iâm just sort of immune to them. iâm just letting them accumulate. â
â well, you are just a giant stick walking around. â
â oh, this looks fun⊠an odd collection of branches. looks like a witch lair or something. â
â hello? you canât be doing occult stuff like this. itâs a weeknight. â
â dude, wait. youâre fucking crazy. â
â you need to chill. you need to chill out. â
â hey man, itâs just a plant. â
â we kicked goatman off the bridge, itâs ours now. â
â goatman, are you out here in the wooâ well, heâs out here in the woods âcause heâs not tending to his bridge. â
â clearly. thatâs why finders keepers and all that. â
â hey, if thereâs cultists out there⊠i gotta let you know, my pal has a water gun. â
â i donât like this, i donât like this one bit. â
â we are hearing noise from all sides at this point. itâs very blair witch. â
â yeah, letâs leave. â
â the name âsteveâ doesnât really strike fear into the heart. â
â iâll go along with this. fun gimmick. â
â well demons, itâs been fun. â
â as we snuff these candles so too do we snuff you from this mortal world, you fucking wimp. â
â this bridge is officially mine. theyâll tell legends of me here. â
â oh god, i feel like iâve gone to the dark side. â
â just gloat a little bit. this is a win for you. â