A small menace with salt lamps

[hog-style]

@saltlamp-anon wonders over, they were quite small and the average sized salt lamp they were carrying over their head looked comically large. They offer the salt lamp to the large man.

Mako knew better to ask questions. He had worked for RED too long to think this situation could be explained logically or briefly.

Instead he only stared down the creature, a good five seconds of wondering if the offered trinket would curse him happening before deciding to risk it and picking up the offered gift.

“Thanks.” He muttered as he looked it over. His confusion only growing as he noticed it wasn’t just a rock, but a lamp. Was the creature trying to say he wasn’t bright in a very convoluted way? Was this salt? Why would someone make a lamp out of salt? It was pretty but he doubted it out illuminate a room very well.

He had kelt to take the lamp from the tiny creature, and now he stayed knelt, head rested on one of his fat knuckles of he pondered the lamp and it’s meaning.

[saltlamp-anon]

[sharpeyeshooter]

@saltlamp-anon looks up at him, holding a salt lamp as an offering

I don’t *cough* think I should lick that mate

[saltlamp-anon]

*they shake their head and mimes throwing it*

[sharpeyeshooter]

..Throw it…? Where?

[saltlamp-anon]

*they mime a brick and throwing said brick*

[sharpeyeshooter]

Just… throw it? Like to the distance?

[saltlamp-anon]

*they shake their head, pretending to laugh while holding a pretend brick, they then throw said said pretend stick. Next they mine being hit with said brick and started silently coughing*

[sharpeyeshooter]

Throw it.. at you..?

[saltlamp-anon]

*they shake their head, they wish they could properly voice their warning. They went back to pretending to be a brick holding thing then moving over and gesturing to where they were just standing*

[sharpeyeshooter]

Oh I throw it there?

[saltlamp-anon]

*the poor little critter silently screams, clearly frustrated he wasnt understanding*

[sharpeyeshooter]

I’m sorry I can’t understand, mate. Maybe start over?

[saltlamp-anon]

*they run off and soon return with a piece of paper and a pen, having to drag both with them. They were barely larger than the pen that they now held as they drew some evil looking thing holding a brick that radiated stink lines, stopping and looking at him with expectation*

[sharpeyeshooter]

*Sniper stares in extreme confusion*

What…?

[saltlamp-anon]

*They throw their hands up into the air in defeat, opting to simply sit nearby instead.*

[father-pure]

*they frowned at their intention not being understood, they them mimed a brick shape and them throwing it before they crossed their arms in a big X shape, finally they gestured towards the box of salt lamps like "ta da". They look really proud of the new use for their stupidly large salt lamp collection*

Ohh…! So you're…throwing…salt lamps? Or…not throwing them?

He tilts his head, trying to piece it all together like a complicated riddle. He glances at the large box again, then back at them with a soft, unsure smile.

Well, it's certainly a very…creative idea! And I can see you've put a lot of effort into this! Aha… ha…

He claps his hands politely, still visibly confused, but trying very hard to be supportive.

[saltlamp-anon]

*they nod at the throwing things, looking very proud of the fact that they had come up with this idea. They then look around to keep an eye out for a certain brick thrower, wanting to make sure Father Pure stayed safe from pneumonia laiden bricks*

[theblupatriot]

@saltlamp-anon looks at the soldier with big eyes as it offers him a salt lamp

The BLU Soldier took the salt lamp, staring down at it.

"YOUR OFFERING IS ACCEPTED, PRIVATE!"

He observed it... and probably doesn't even know what it is.

[saltlamp-anon]

*they gestured towards a wall socket and the power cord coming out from the base of the salt lamp*

[sharpeyeshooter]

@saltlamp-anon looks up at him, holding a salt lamp as an offering

I don’t *cough* think I should lick that mate

[saltlamp-anon]

*they shake their head and mimes throwing it*

[sharpeyeshooter]

..Throw it…? Where?

[saltlamp-anon]

*they mime a brick and throwing said brick*

[sharpeyeshooter]

Just… throw it? Like to the distance?

[saltlamp-anon]

*they shake their head, pretending to laugh while holding a pretend brick, they then throw said said pretend stick. Next they mine being hit with said brick and started silently coughing*

[sharpeyeshooter]

Throw it.. at you..?

[saltlamp-anon]

*they shake their head, they wish they could properly voice their warning. They went back to pretending to be a brick holding thing then moving over and gesturing to where they were just standing*

[sharpeyeshooter]

Oh I throw it there?

[saltlamp-anon]

*the poor little critter silently screams, clearly frustrated he wasnt understanding*

[sharpeyeshooter]

I’m sorry I can’t understand, mate. Maybe start over?

[saltlamp-anon]

*they run off and soon return with a piece of paper and a pen, having to drag both with them. They were barely larger than the pen that they now held as they drew some evil looking thing holding a brick that radiated stink lines, stopping and looking at him with expectation*

[bubbles-and-sparks]

@saltlamp-anon looks up at the pyro before offering them a salt lamp, looking quite proud.

IM GONNA LICK IT!!!!

[saltlamp-anon]

*they wildly shake their head and hands in a silent "no dont!"*

[saltlamp-anon]

AAUUUGGGHHHGGHHUGGHHGGUHGGGHH YYYOU FREAKIN’ BASTARD AGGGHHHGHHH

( @pneumonia-causer )

!!!

*They start throwing salt lamps at you, their tiny body full of anger*

@pneumonia-causer

[sharpeyeshooter]

@saltlamp-anon looks up at him, holding a salt lamp as an offering

I don’t *cough* think I should lick that mate

[saltlamp-anon]

*they shake their head and mimes throwing it*

[sharpeyeshooter]

..Throw it…? Where?

[saltlamp-anon]

*they mime a brick and throwing said brick*

[sharpeyeshooter]

Just… throw it? Like to the distance?

[saltlamp-anon]

*they shake their head, pretending to laugh while holding a pretend brick, they then throw said said pretend stick. Next they mine being hit with said brick and started silently coughing*

[sharpeyeshooter]

Throw it.. at you..?

[saltlamp-anon]

*they shake their head, they wish they could properly voice their warning. They went back to pretending to be a brick holding thing then moving over and gesturing to where they were just standing*

[sharpeyeshooter]

Oh I throw it there?

[saltlamp-anon]

*the poor little critter silently screams, clearly frustrated he wasnt understanding*

[sharpeyeshooter]

@saltlamp-anon looks up at him, holding a salt lamp as an offering

I don’t *cough* think I should lick that mate

[saltlamp-anon]

*they shake their head and mimes throwing it*

[sharpeyeshooter]

..Throw it…? Where?

[saltlamp-anon]

*they mime a brick and throwing said brick*

[sharpeyeshooter]

Just… throw it? Like to the distance?

[saltlamp-anon]

*they shake their head, pretending to laugh while holding a pretend brick, they then throw said said pretend stick. Next they mine being hit with said brick and started silently coughing*

[sharpeyeshooter]

Throw it.. at you..?

[saltlamp-anon]

*they shake their head, they wish they could properly voice their warning. They went back to pretending to be a brick holding thing then moving over and gesturing to where they were just standing*

[sharpeyeshooter]

@saltlamp-anon looks up at him, holding a salt lamp as an offering

I don’t *cough* think I should lick that mate

[saltlamp-anon]

*they shake their head and mimes throwing it*

[sharpeyeshooter]

..Throw it…? Where?

[saltlamp-anon]

*they mime a brick and throwing said brick*

[sharpeyeshooter]

Just… throw it? Like to the distance?

[saltlamp-anon]

*they shake their head, pretending to laugh while holding a pretend brick, they then throw said said pretend stick. Next they mine being hit with said brick and started silently coughing*

[thebestdarnengineer-deactivated]

*A small anon comes running in, out of breath as they hold a comically large salt lamp (compared to their size) above their head. Seeing the brick on the ground they panic silently as they realise they were too late.*

*coughing a shit tone*

DO YOU KNOW WHO DID THAT-

[the-best-sniper-tfc]

*virgil points his rifle at the tiny thing*

just say when fred <3

[saltlamp-anon]

*they flail their hands wildly, nonononono*

[pneumonia-causer]

HHEYY STOP TAKIN’ MY FREAKIN’ CREDIT!!!

[saltlamp-anon]

*they point wildly*

[sharpeyeshooter]

@saltlamp-anon looks up at him, holding a salt lamp as an offering

I don’t *cough* think I should lick that mate

[saltlamp-anon]

*they shake their head and mimes throwing it*

[sharpeyeshooter]

..Throw it…? Where?

[saltlamp-anon]

*they mime a brick and throwing said brick*

[sharpeyeshooter]

@saltlamp-anon looks up at him, holding a salt lamp as an offering

I don’t *cough* think I should lick that mate

[saltlamp-anon]

*they shake their head and mimes throwing it*

[thebestdarnengineer-deactivated]

*They do a "somewhat" gesture as they looked at him, feeling bad for not making it on time they offer the salt lamp*

*taking the salt lamp*

How is this- *coughing* going to help exactly?

[saltlamp-anon]

*they mime throwing it*

[thebestdarnengineer-deactivated]

*A small anon comes running in, out of breath as they hold a comically large salt lamp (compared to their size) above their head. Seeing the brick on the ground they panic silently as they realise they were too late.*

*coughing a shit tone*

DO YOU KNOW WHO DID THAT-

[the-best-sniper-tfc]

*virgil points his rifle at the tiny thing*

just say when fred <3

[saltlamp-anon]

*they flail their hands wildly, nonononono*