Hello All! ❁ I hope you have been well and that you have been staying safe~ This is going to be one LONG message, but I hope it reaches you ♥
I started this Tumblr blog in the height of my struggles in life. Not knowing what I wanted to do, failing at what I thought I was meant to do, and even finding myself becoming more lonesome with no way out. That is when KPOP came in. I think it’s safe to say many of us came to KPOP whether we were in a similar internal struggle or even wanted to escape to something that sounded and felt new to what we knew growing up. That is exactly what it was for me. KPOP was used as a means of escape from the troubles I was having. Through those troubles, I met VIXX. These six boys, having a sound like no other. Their concepts, instrumentals, outfits, all of it was always heavily in-tune with their theme, creating some of the most amazing discography, music videos and stages I have ever seen. VIXX aren’t concept kings for nothing. In that, my bias became Hongbin. A sassy, and sometimes blunt but well-meaning individual that was, unfortunately, often ignored by his company on his musical talents. Instead he was placed in the box of, “visuals.” This isn’t a bad thing but to him, he wanted to be more than just a “face.” He was also the least popular and most ignored member when I joined the fandom. But he didn’t let this stop him and continually pushed to be seen. It was this determination and drive that I wanted to support. Hongbin was the underdog and in my own struggles, I wanted to be one too. I created what can jokingly be called a “shrine” to my comfort kpop boy. I wanted him to be seen more by the fandom in someway and so I picked up learning to make gifs, understanding Photoshop, and even learning basic HTML. In fact, because of this blog, I found a love and passion for web development and coding. It was something I liked to do, even if I wasn’t that good at it. It was hard but I was able to switch gears from a Biology degree to one that was Computer Science focused, despite many in my life saying that wasn’t possible. With that, I found a new path with new struggles but I persevered through it, just as Hongbin had been doing with each new single and album. 2019 was arguably Hongbin’s year. Coming off from the high that was the Eau de VIXX album and Scentist single, Hongbin started to stream on Twitch because he loves video games and wanted to share that. He also was in a drama and on a variety show. Not to mention that he saved Summer 2019 with “COOL LOVE,” a collaborative effort with MONSTA X’s Hyungwon. I wanted 2019 to be my year as well and worked hard at it. Simultaneously, I created projects, graduated university with a CS degree and got a job within the first three months. I had been fortunate in my endeavors. But with more responsibilities, this blog in recent years has been lacking content. I haven’t made anything on here in two years and I feel bad about that. Every time I want to come back, I don’t ever have a drive to do it. There may be a chance that I feel like I’ve outgrown Tumblr. I apologize for thinking like this. Now let’s talk about what has happened in recent months. Hongbin, yet again, found himself in a messy situation. There is a cycle when it comes to Hongbin where he will do something that is unfavorable, he will leave on hiatus, and then he will comeback. Hongbin stans will know, we go MONTHS without hearing from him or seeing him. It’s an unfortunate situation to be in but I truly believe Hongbin stans are some of the strongest people in this fandom because of it. This recent situation was not what we were expecting. Hongbin ended up in a bad situation again and had been gone since March. He finally popped up again two weeks ago, much to everyones surprise. This was a moment of happiness that was short lived due to the following news that arrived. Hongbin would be leaving VIXX. It feels unnatural to even be typing that sentence but here we are. I don’t know what happened to come to this decision but I felt fatigued from that news. I couldn’t concentrate on work, I talked to everyone about how I was feeling, and even took a brief hiatus from social media. It seems dramatic to feel like this about someone I don’t know but again, he is the reason I worked as hard as I did to be were I am. I’m sure many of you understand this emotion. I came to the resolution that, although it hurts, if Jellyfish wasn’t going to help him or promote him, it was probably best he leaves. He would definitely become popular on Twitch. But the moment I had resolved that, he came in with more news that would break the wall. He would be enlisting as early as today, August 17-18th 2020. This one did not hurt as much because I believed it would be best he go early to get it out of the way. Him leaving VIXX was unseen however. Hongbin stans have had it the hardest, I hope you all, even non-Bean stans, are taking care of yourselves and doing your best to stay positive. I guess with this extremely long note I wanted to say that I don’t think I will be active on this blog for a while. I’m not on Tumblr everyday anymore and with Hongbin leaving VIXX, content won’t be as easily available or gif-able. I’ve grown a little tired as well and I truly don’t think I have enough space in my computer anyways. I will leave my blog open so that if anyone wants to see some interesting gifsets with Hongbin or even if a new baby STARLIGHT comes across content or is seeking it, it’s there. The only thing I hope people can protect my gifs from being stolen. Many gif-makers have this issue and I’m not any special to be asking of this but I don’t think people understand how long and arduous the process to create them are. We sacrifice a lot of computer space and run our systems hard to start up our programs to make them. Not to mention we hunt for videos constantly and even sacrifice sleep to be able to get performances live sometimes. Then there is the compliance with Tumblrs gif limits to take into account. Some times there is a lack of creativity or individualism in content, so we constantly brainstorm to give the fandom something fresh for their own blogs. It’s extremely tedious to make them but the satisfaction of not only creating them, but having people interact with them and share them, makes the process worth it. You don’t know, but every single person that reblogs my gifs, I tend to go to that persons page to look at their interests and read their tags. Thank you to those that write in the tags of my posts, I find enjoyment from reading them. If I can say, I trust my gifs with STARLIGHT fandom, please don’t let them be stolen or used unnecessarily. This is my gift to you. ❤ As for gif-making, the one thing I regret is that I didn’t finish a particular series I was working on. That doesn’t mean I won’t come back to finish it however, just not right at this moment. As for mutuals, much of them migrated off the platform at the same time as me. But I just want to thank them and the STARLIGHTS who were especially close to me and lent an ear when all I wanted to do was talk about Hongbin. I’ve made some of the greatest friends through VIXX. Thank you for being there. The VIXX fandom gave me something to work for, to look forward to, and what could be improved. Coming on to Tumblr after so long, I am so happy that my efforts and the efforts of other blogs that were there when I was, made more people become Hongbin fans and even birthed new and talented gif-makers. Thank you for being the next bunch to push it forward. Lastly, thank you to all the people that follow me. I did my best to interact with all of you as much as I could, and even now, thank you for supporting my work. You are the reason I do what I do, and I hope it inspires you in some way too. I wish Hongbin a safe military stint and hope he comes back with a fresh and new perspective on what he wants to do. Thank you Hongbin for what you have inspired me and others to do. You can now follow me on Twitter if you still want to see what I’m up to, there are changes coming there as well but I hope you do follow. I will always support VIXX, even as a five-man group but, VIXX will always be SIX to me. Thank you for everything, I hope to come back to this blog one day to create again.
