lol wyd 👀

lit as a feather

[samchillson]

Maybe after brunch imposter!steve and real!Steve could put on a show for their Sam 😏👌

have u been reading my diary nonny I like the way u think!  @goodbrosteverogers dances like a white boy but damn he athletic 😏

[samchillson]

Sam? Steve? Bucky? Why did you all leave? Where did you go? 😭😭😭😭

sorry!!! u know how the holiday season is! gotta start preppin the Wilson family recipes... I’m in charge of the roast beef this year and if I fuck it up my great-aunt will roast me to a crisp lmao altho I know @goodbrosteverogers will eat whatever I cook tbh oh also aliens vaporized our wedding florist so that delayed things a lil. we’re around now tho!actually idk where @fckboybucky is 🤔

[samchillson]

I used to think you were a whiner but now you've grown on me.

i feel so accomplished 

[samchillson]

In response to the Imposter Steve question .... If it still looks like Steve but can cook real good .... Maybe you won't care it's not the real Steve? #upgrade

🤔I mean uhof course i’ll want the real Steve! who else has such a big, loving heartcan Impostor Steve make us brunch tho 

[goodbrosteverogers]

A Steve that can cook would really be the entire package… I would resign 😔

[samchillson]

aww don’t pout, i was jokin! Impostor Steve ain’t shit, baby. btw if u resign... u know Sarah will track u down and kick ur ass for breaking my heart right? 

[samchillson]

If Steve was under ice again, would you wait for him?

how bad did he fuck up that he went into the gotdamn ice again sighbut yeah, i would. 

[samchillson]

In response to the Imposter Steve question .... If it still looks like Steve but can cook real good .... Maybe you won't care it's not the real Steve? #upgrade

🤔I mean uhof course i’ll want the real Steve! who else has such a big, loving heartcan Impostor Steve make us brunch tho 

[samchillson]

I have thunder thighs. Seriously, my thighs are two sizes bigger than the rest of my body. Pants never fit. Exercise only strengthens the muscle and makes my thighs even bigger. And you can't target any specific area with weight loss. I dunno. I feel trapped.

That’s frustrating tbh!! The fashion industry ain’t shit for their limited sizing. Thick thighs are amazing tho... don’t let nobody tell you different. have u tried jeggings? idgaf what people say about them, stretchy pants are a lifesaver!! u can also get jeans that fit ur thighs, and have the waist taken in. one of my sister’s friends had the same problemgood luck!

[samchillson]

You and Steve are one of those couples that go to a high class restaurant with a piano player and you spend the night crooning love songs to each other. Don't tell me you haven't sung Unforgettable to Steve across a crowded restaurant at least a dozen times. That piano player doesn't need to ask anymore, he just sees you and starts playing Nat King Cole.

yo can you plan our engagement dinner???

[samchillson]

So what really happened between you and Steve when he showed up in that underwater prison?

i was so fckin tired bruh lmao we like all hobbled out of that fuckin underwater hellme n steve made out a lot on the flight home tho <3

[samchillson]

Do you ever fear that one day Steve is going to come back from a mission...only its not Steve it's an alien/android/shapeshifter in Steve's body but you won't know that it's not the real Steve???

well fuckin now i got that fearshould i develop a code that only the real Steve wud know??yo @goodbrosteverogers ... when I say I’ll do that thing you like, which response is most accurate for you:A) Gosh, That Sounds Keen!B) Just Call Me The Plumber, Because I’m Here To Lay Pipe (Bucky told me to say that)C) [no verbal response, just picking Sam up and carrying him to the bedroom]hmmmmmmmmm

[samchillson]

sry i been away lmao !! @goodbrosteverogers wouldnt let me outta bed lol i’ll get to some of ur questions soon 

[goodbrosteverogers]

Dude, there's a bird's nest made entirely of tiny men's thongs in white, blue and red a few streets down from your and Sam's place. You missing something?

Let the birds in the house, he said! It’ll be fine, he said!

I’m going commando right now and it is YOUR FAULT, @samchillson

[samchillson]

oh noooo you’re going commando 😏

[goodbrosteverogers]

my balls are COLD, samuel

[samchillson]

lemme warm ‘em up

[goodbrosteverogers]

What's the best way to ask a girl out for a date? I originally asked Bucky this question and he texted me a picture of his dick. I wasn't sure if that was supposed to be the answer to my question or if he was trying to proposition me. Anyways, I need a real answer from an expert so I'm asking you.

Re: Bucky. Probably both.

Yeah, uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I’ve dated a lot of girls. Asked them out all by myself and everything. Been uhhhh out with girls a lot on dates and such.

I usually ask them out by… uhm… Hey, @samchillson take the wheel!

[samchillson]

Hmm! just be honest about ur intentions. get to know her, suggest doing an activity you both like! make it clear you want it to be a date tho. “i’m going to [event] and I don’t have a date, do you wanna come with?” 

[goodbrosteverogers]

Dude, there's a bird's nest made entirely of tiny men's thongs in white, blue and red a few streets down from your and Sam's place. You missing something?

Let the birds in the house, he said! It’ll be fine, he said!

I’m going commando right now and it is YOUR FAULT, @samchillson

[samchillson]

oh noooo you’re going commando 😏

[samchillson]

TAKE MANY SMALL FAKE TAIL FEATHERS OF YOUR MATE FROM WOOD BOX TO MAKE NEST GOT GOOD MATE WITH GOOD TAIL FEATHERS GOT ALL EGGS YES GOOD YES GOOD MATE HOPE YOUR MATE IS OK WITHOUT FAKE TAIL FEATHERS SO BRIGHT SO SOFT YES THANKS MAYBE GET BIGGER FAKE FEATHERS FOR MATE ALTHOUGH MATE SMALL TAILED

i gotta say, i only understand like 40% of this but i love your enthusiasm! hell yeah let’s get some fake tail feathers, i’m tryna get some eggs in this nest(that’s a euphemism for sex right?)

[samchillson]

Did your mom ever walk in while you were jerking off? How awkward was that.

she just said “that sound better be you applauding your textbook, Samuel” and lefti didn’t look her in the eye for 2 weeks!! but she didn’t care about me jerking off, she cared about me doing that instead of my homework lmao

[samchillson]

Hey big bro! Reading about your sex life is ...well...weird, but it's good to know that you can still get it up in your old age ;)

ok i can’t tell if this is actually Sarah or not but if it is ya nasty n i’m telling maalso do u still have my boyz II men CD in your car, i want it back