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@samdelgados
"Being scared is an incredibly rational response," Rosa said, reaching to put her hand over his in an affectionate manner. "But you're not alone Sam. And you shouldn't have to continue to suffer either. Let me help you however I can."
Sam gave her a soft smile in response. "Okay, I'll do it," he said. "Just, be safe okay? I can't fathom something happening to you or anyone else because I finally decide to stand up to my father."
"Anything you want to maybe talk about?" she asked with a shrug. "Sometimes it's nice to have someone to listen."
Sam shrugged lightly. "It's some family stuff. It's kind of a long story. I don't know if you'd want to listen to me complain about how messed up with family is."
"I was asking if you wanted cinnamon or anything on your latte," she explained, picking up one of the containers she was helping herself to at the station. "Are you alright?"
"No, I'm good, just plain is fine with me," he replied. "I'm sorry, I'm totally out of it today. I have a lot on my mind."
"Oh?" she looked to Sam with confusion etched into her features, watching him as he continued to explain things to her. Rosa didn't have any guesses coming to mind, but nothing could've prepared her for what he ended up confessing. "Sam– I... I am so sorry." She was at a loss for words. "That only makes even more sense to me that you should seek out a restraining order," she finally said after a moment of sitting with the information. "You should have legal protection if he ever tries to hurt you like that again, Sam. The authorities can help."
Sam shrugged lightly, trying to not let it show how much it got to him.He was so separated from his feelings of his father that he was scared to ever open the door to those feelings. He nodded in agreement, "I know, I just... I'm scared, and I... I don't know."
Despite Liam having his suspicions about the others involvement in what was going on with him, thinking it and hearing it were two very different things. That and although he had his suspicions, the degree of the others involvement was still murky at best, so to hear that the dreams weren't dreams but in fact memories and that Sam was also the one responsible for him not being able to remember them or all those months back at school was like a bucket of ice cold water going over his head, as he held the others wand tightly in his hand. Listening to the other talk though he had to wonder if he knew that it wasn't just the bad stuff he took away, it was everything. "Sam- I don't remember the good stuff. I don't remember anything. We-... Are you telling me that we were together? Like a couple?" He asked, his voice shaking as he tried to grasp what the other was telling him. "And that you-... Fuck, you obliviated me?"
“That was… unintentional,” Sam said. “I meant to only obliviate the memories of you and me, but I was seventeen and stupid and in way over my head. If I could go back and change it, Liam I would. I never meant to hurt you, I swear. I was only trying to protect you from my father.” Sam let out a sigh. “You never knew after I obliviated you because we were a secret. We weren’t out, definitely not me. My father found out about us, beat the crap out of me, that’s how I lost the hearing in my one ear, said that if he ever saw you with me again, he would kill you. I came to you that night, told you about it. I knew that you were so nice, knew that you would want to fix it another way, but I was scared and I didn’t want you to fix it, so I made you forget, figured you would be happier that way. Liam, I’m so sorry, trust me, I have never forgave myself since.”
"Yes. I do. I mean look at me, Sam." Liam exclaimed, pulling his hood down off his head, "I can't sleep, I'm hardly eating, I flinch at everything and can barely leave the house. I'm hardly living a life right now, so yes, I want answers." He continued, feeling his emotions come bubbling up to the surface and feeling like he was far from in control of them right now. "Fine. I'll stay. Especially if it means that you're actually going to give me the answers I need."
Sam ran a hand through his hair. He took out his wand handing it to Liam, “Just so that you trust I won’t do anything after I tell you,” he said. He let out a soft sigh, unsure how to word it, it hurt to speak of it. He really did have good intentions that day, but he was just a dumb seventeen year old kid. “The memories, the ones of me and you, they’re real. You remember the good stuff, but of course you don’t remember the day and the reason behind everything because I took it from you.”
The others words seemed to cause Liam to stand a little straighter, feel a little more awake as he looked at the other, trying to keep his facial features neutral as he spoke. "You're trying to protect me, it's what you've always wanted to do." He repeated. "And yet you told me that we only spoke in passing, didn't really know one another." He added, "So if that truly is the case, why would you feel the need to protect me. And from what. I'm not leaving until I have answers, Sam. I know you've been lying to me, about all of this."
“You want answers Liam? Really? Because I don’t think you do. Once you know we can’t go back,” Sam said, he wasn’t taking it back again, not after what happened last time. He let the door open more for Liam anyway. “I’ll tell you what I know, but you also need to stay and know the reason why too.”
"Why?" Was the first thing out of his mouth, now that he was stood here in front of the other he realised that he didn't really have a game plan, he didn't have some big speech he wanted to deliver, he was just desperate. "Why shouldn't I be here, Sam?" He asked, because if anything the others flightiness around him was only making him believe that he was a key to whatever was going on with him.
Sam wasn't sure if it was because of his lack of patience, or his lack of sleep, but he found himself snapping at Liam, "Because I'm trying to protect you, that's always what I've wanted to do. You wouldn't understand if I told you."
Liam felt like he had finally drawn his last straw, it had came after he had fallen asleep probably due to exhaustion and not be choice and was plagued once again by dreams he was now calling nightmares given the context. So vivid and so real and still so confusing. Part of him hadn't even realised that he had gotten changed and left the house, hood pulled far over his head to hide his face from anyone he potentially knew, not in the mood for conversation, simply moving on autopilot until he found himself outside of the others home. He knew the knocking might have been a little too much, constant and unrelenting until the other would answer the door, but he was at the end of his tether and in his head this was the only logical thing he could do.
@samdelgados
Sam himself hadn't been sleeping much, between the guilt eating at him and his issues with his Dad and really contemplating taking Rosa's advice. Sam opened the door at the knocking, slightly panicked when he saw Liam at his door. For a moment, Sam was back in his childhood house in Mexico, back to the day his father found out about Liam, back to the day he lost the hearing in his one ear. Back to what got him here in the first place. "Liam? What are you, you shouldn't be here," Sam said, concerned about Liam's appearance, paranoid that his father would show up.
Rosa was really at a loss for what to suggest to Sam in regards to this. She knew she was really lucky to have a close relationship mother and her father, when he was alive, had been one of the most wonderful and supportive people. Those were luxuries not everyone got to experience. She knew that. And now hearing Sam say that he wasn't even sure what could be done, well she couldn't take that. She was a protector and a fighter at her core, she didn't want to just lay down on this. Especially if Sam could be in danger. "Okay well... there has to be a way to protect yourself," Rosa did her best to offer up a practical solution, "We could talk to the authorities? Would you want to get a restraining order?"
"I don't have any evidence over why I need something, the only person who knew... I kind of made them forget," Sam said. "I was seventeen and stupid and scared, and my Dad had just beat the shit out of me. Not to mention, he doesn't do well being embarrassed, and that would probably provoke him. I don't know what else to do though. Do you think that would be smart?" Just saying that was a lot for Sam, he almost never spoke about his father, and definitely never spoke about what he did to him and what Sam did in return to protect Liam. It meant that he trusted Rosa, but it just made him even more scared.
closed starter - sam & sam (@samanthacreilly)
"Huh?" Sam asked, he had been pretty zoned out lately because of Liam. "Sorry, can you repeat that, I totally don't mean to be so out of it today."
closed starter - sam & juliet ( @juleshighmcre )
Sam was looking through the books for sale when he turned a corner of a bookshelf and ran straight into Juliet. "Oh I am so sorry," he apologized quickly. He tilted his head lightly at the other, recognizing the blonde. "It's Juliet, right? We met at that Valentine's Day event."
"The only thing that scared me is the idea of something being wrong or you being hurt. Sam, you know I'm always here for you no matter what, yeah?" her brows knitted together in worry. "That would be for the best at this rate," Rosa admitted when he mentioned blocking his father's number. "Can't you do that? It sounds like it'd be better for your mental health and everything if you did."
"That's the problem, I don't even know," he replied. His dad had been on his mind, especially lately considering Liams memories of them coming back. "Something usually is wrong with me when it concerns my father." He sighed. "He's not really a good guy, and if I'm being honest, I'm nervous about what he would do if I just blocked him. If I did... we might need to be on the same page about it." He knew that it was probably all his trauma thinking that his father would do something to Rosa if he showed up and it was her there and not him, but he didn't truly know. He couldn't trust himself with his thoughts about his dad, they were always bad, and he never knew if they were accurate or an over-exaggeration. He hated even more that his father still had some sort of power over him.
"I guess so..." Liam trailed off, his suspicions still slightly raised but he could understand where the other had been coming from. In fact he was almost embarrassed that he hadn't really giving the idea of him being obliviated by someone much real thought. He also didn't know what he could have possibly done to someone to make them feel the need to take so much of his life away from him, to make him forget them in the process too. "I mean, sure. That could be the reason as to why it's you, but why in a romantic setting. I didn't-... I hadn't realised I liked boys until moving back here and that was after I graduated. It doesn't-... I can't see why it would make sense for me to be having those kinds of dreams in that setting when I wasn't even out." Liam continued, letting the others words sink and letting himself believe that maybe he was being irrational and trying to put blame on the other when he had nothing to do with this. Or that was until he continued to speak and he felt his emotions jolt back to frustration, he could also feel the beginnings of one of his headaches starting to manifest but he wasn't sure if it was the injury that was causing it or the emotional whiplash he seemed to be having in this one conversation. "You do know more." Was the only thing Liam could focus on, "You wouldn't be saying this if you didn't and if you do know more of what's going on but are refusing to tell me, how do you expect me to trust you?" Liam told the other, feeling pressure build behind his eyes as he looked at the other.
"I can't because I'm not an obliviator Liam, I'm a healer, and not one who specializes in memory or even adults," he said, which was half true. "Liam, I'm sorry." Sam stood up, he should go, he was only hurting Liam by being here. "I should go. Take my advice, please. I'm sorry for not doing more. Maybe it would be best if I left, help your brain sort things out."
If there was one word that could describe how Liam was currently feeling it was defeated, he didn't know why he thought that his sudden outburst might mean that the other had answers for him, but he guessed that had been his last shred of hope. But with that gone, he felt his shoulders slump and his face fall in complete and utter defeat. When the other told him he wasn't cheating on his boyfriend he couldn't help but let out a small, yet cruel laugh, "I love him and yet I'm still dreaming about being in a relationship with another man that I know. It's frequent too. So I don't think you could call me completely innocent here." When the other mentioned an obliviator, he couldn't help but have his brows furrow in confusion, "Wait-... Are you saying that you think someone might have obliviated my memories?" Liam couldn't help but ask, his brows only furrowing further at the others words. "You can't tell me more than that." He repeated slowly, nodding his head for a moment or two before fixing him with stare. "You know, the way you said that just then makes me think that you know more about this then you're letting on but just-... don't want to tell me. As though you should have said you won't tell me more than that rather than can't." And he realised that was sounding pretty accusatory towards the other right now, but it was the first time obliviation had came up from the few people he had disclosed this issue too and the way the other had worded things caused a spike of suspicion in him. He also realised that there was a chance he was being completely irrational right now as well and was willing to point fingers at those he was talking too because he happened to be just that desperate for answers.
"I mean, you're missing a chunk of memories, it's something when no one else can tell you anything," Sam replied. He moved to grip his coffee cup to hide his shaking hands. "But I don't know enough about obliviation to say more." Which he didn't, which is how they got there in the first place. "I don't think you're crazy, I just think that your brain is just a little confused with everything, and that it's projecting onto me because we went to school together, and it's something you know that's when it's all blank." Sam blinked lightly, feeling the sting of tears threatening. He would not cry, this was his fault and he deserved worse for everything. He thought of telling Liam, for a moment, but especially with his father pushing him lately, he couldn't. Even after all these years, even countries away, he was still terrified of his father, still terrified that Liam would get hurt. Sam was suddenly realizing how stupid he was for starting a friendship with him again. "Liam, I really can't tell you more, I need you to trust me when I say that I can't." Sam hated this, he wanted to protect Liam, but felt torn now, because he could tell that it was hurting him more than helping now.
Liam could feel his frustration bubbling up under his skin at this whole situation, he knew the other meant well and was simply trying to help him as he poured out what he had been going through all these years. But as he apologised again and mentioned seeing someone who specialised in memory loss, both things he had heard repeatedly by those who had confided in when it came to this, he couldn't help but snap. "You think that's not what people have been doing since my accident? They've been trying to come up with some reason as to what's happening but that still doesn't explain why it's you, Sam." He blurted out, feeling heat in his cheeks and his breathing speeding up as he tried his best not to fall into a panic attack from the situation he had now put himself in. "It's always you. In my dreams and we're together and you cannot even begin to understand the guilt that I'm feel having them. So please try and tell me who could possibly be appropriate to speak to other than you about all of this, because I would love to feel like I'm not constantly cheating on my boyfriend everyday."
Sam flinched lightly at Liam snapping. "I'm sorry Liam, I really wish I could help more, but I don't know how." He skirted around the question as to why it had been him on Liam's mind. That part was true, he had wished he could help from the second he realized all he did, the mistake in the spell that he performed on Liam. "You're not cheating on your boyfriend, you love him, you're happy with him, anyone who looks at you when you're with him can see it, me being involved or not." It hurt Sam to know he couldn't have that with Liam, but he was happy that Liam found happiness even after what he did. While Sam regretted messing up, he didn't regret that it kept Liam out of danger, kept him alive to find the happiness he found with Rory. "What if you got an obliviator involved?" he said, knowing that was the only way he could try to help without telling Liam outright. "They're experts in taking away memories, maybe they know something on how to bring that back. It's unconventional, but more than maybe a healer may know." Sam let out a soft sigh, the next thing paining him to say, "Liam, I can't tell you more than that, I'm sorry."
froy gutierrez photographed by derrick freske - 2023
