SAM KIEFFER

You nut.

[pastabot]

[thestateonmtv]

this is still the funniest fucking thing i remember being 7 and almost throwing up watching this and now im 20 puking onto my rug 

[samkieffer]

That fucking tuck flip Flanders does after this hahahahah

[automodownremade-deactivated202]

reblog to add +10 haunting power to your ghost when you die

[jokesarefunny]

i aint risking being a weak ass ghost

[jessicacabot]

I’ll haunt people while I’m alive to enjoy it, thx 👻

[samkieffer]

Damn Jessica

[samkieffer]

(Turn sound on immediately) Today ruled. I met the great Billy West, voice of Ren & Stimpy, Doug, Phillip Fry & Zoidberg & Zapp Brannagan, and 1000 other things. I told him how for years a clip of Fry was my voicemail and he recorded this amazing thing for me. I keep listening to it over and over. #ImWalkinOnSunshineWaohaoooo

[samkieffer]

@gibblertron & @bryansafi aren’t the only ones who sing their dogs to sleep (play at max volume while drinking rose’)

[samkieffer]

This is why I got into the podcast game, THIS 🐶 SHIT 🐶 RIGHT 🐶HERE 🐶 All hail @averilburner, who painted my ding dong dog!

[samkieffer]

I bought him a jersey (swipe for grin) #Ramen (at Arby's)

[samkieffer]

It appears I had a few drinks and ordered an @andrewwk patch the size of my forearm #party

[samkieffer]

TELL YOUR OLD ADVENTURE PANTS TO GET FUUUUCKED

[samkieffer]

Hey bud, great job last night. Sorry I didn’t pick up when you called, went to bed a little early. Text me about pho on Thursday.

[samkieffer]

@jakedk asked what I wanted for Christmas and I said “you pick”....behold my new sweat pants!!!! Thanks brother! (Note: all Kieffer Christmas presents arrive by end of January at best)

[samkieffer]

Battlefield

[samkieffer]

Reminder, my girlfriend got me a professional portrait of my dog and I’m slowly aging into the dad from This Is Us.

[samkieffer]

Yo @rosemcgowan your words/fight inspired my girlfriend to speak up about her own assault, pretty sure you reposting her just gave her the an army’s strength. You are the absolute best #RoseArmy #timesup

[samkieffer]

six flags is dope in January (at Six Flags Magic Mountain)

[samkieffer]

Is the school across from Earwolf making the girls practice a) SS marches or b) slow moshing

[samkieffer]

All hail the king

[samkieffer]

Spent an hour making this custom leash, he hasn’t said thank you a single time