Sammy in the Streets

I'm in the streets!

[sammyinthestreets]

i host these raves in my apartment in logan square, but people keep taking my toothbrushes. not my food, not my toilet paper, my toothbrushes. i’ve gone through 6 or 7 since the summer started. i want to keep hosting but i don’t like the idea of there being a group of people, or worse ONE BIG FREAK brushing their teeth with my saliva. what should i do??

Once a toothbrush-thief, always a toothbrush-thief, as they say. I can't imagine this person, or group, being reasoned with. You must rig a boobytrap in your bathroom, so that when the thief tries to take the toothbrush out of its cup, they are swept up into some kind of net or cage. This is the only possible way to stop them! Once they are trapped, that's up to your discretion. Personally, I would make them lead me back to their lair to retrieve my lost brushes. And perhaps along the way, surmise why they are so invested in my toothbrushes. Maybe they've got a good reason. Maybe...there's a love story in there. Just maybe. Perchance.

[sammyinthestreets]

50 Frozen Meatballs

So the other day, I interviewed this guy (who will remain anonymous), and he’s talking about all kinds of great stuff! Meal-prepping, the male loneliness epidemic. Just a bunch of beautiful baloney. But hey, he’s an interesting guy! I’m hyped to post it, shaking his hand afterward and all, then he got real nervous. He started sweating like a hog, kept on saying “This was a mistake. This was a mistake.” Um, hello!? You just had the most insightful conversation of your life! And you’re gonna keep that to yourself? But whatever, I tell him to calm down, I’ll cut out all of his waffling and just get the best bits. He says “No, no. It’s not that.” I asked him “What is it then?” He tells me people are after him. And they’re gonna see my blog and know about the balls. I’m trying not to scoff at this point; man, you just spent hours telling me about these meatballs and now I can’t even post it for the world to see? What’s the point of anything at all.

But he clammed up like these frozen meatballs were the pearl from The Pearl (John Steinbeck, ‘47), and I had to oblige. I told him I wouldn’t post the interview, that his secret balls would remain secret. He was very gracious, and called me a Stand-up Young Man. How sweet! But my dear reader, what are we to do now? I’m interview-less! And this wasn’t a conversation with any Joe, but a beautiful insight into a tragic mind. So here’s what I’m gonna do. I’m going to provide the transcript, no name, and edited for brevity. Just the highlights. Just for you! Because I love you. 

[sammyinthestreets]

i have a gummy bear lamp, do you want it?

Yes.

[sammyinthestreets]

Introductions

Hello? Hello? Is this thing on??

Oh, hi folks! I’m Sammy, of Sammy in the Streets, and this is my internet blog. I’m going to post all kinds of stuff on here, mostly interviews of REAL PEOPLE from the streets of Chicago, IL, USA. 

A little bit about me, I love to talk to people. Talking to people is great! They have a lot of interesting things to say. The other day I was speaking to this man on the street, and he was telling me all about how he thinks we should bring back use of the guillotine, but only for child touchers and traitors of the state. Wow! Where would I be without interactions like that? Probably the sewer.

I also really like The Beach Boys, The B-52s, and We Might Be Giants. Brian Wilson died recently, of Beach Boys fame, I gotta say I was all torn up about it. I didn’t go interview anyone for twenty-seven hours. Almost a new record, but a few years ago I had the flu and reached thirty hours, no streets. Both equally devastating times. 

Unfortunately Chicago summer is coming to a slow close, what a bummer. The city really comes alive in the summertime. Luckily, there’s probably still anywhere from 1-100 heat waves before we get snow. I’m not one for winter myself. Hardly anyone wants to talk to you because they’re all just itching to get somewhere else! Nobody wanders in winter. Not very good for interviews. During winter I do write more freestyle blog posts, like this, though. Which is nice.

Speaking of, you can ask me for advice! I have an advice box on this page, and you can also email me at [email protected]. Feel free to drop something in either of those spots, and I’ll respond with my wonderfully poignant and illuminating guidance. For free, I might add. Some people would pay good money for my words. Or that’s what Melissa tells me. 

I’m also a big fan of hot dogs. Chicago style only. No ‘chup. Just mustard and so many sport peppers. So so many. Sooooo many. I’ve been told that's just the midwest in me, but I think it’s just the god honest truth that the Chicago style hot dog is the best hot dog. It’s got everything! Onions, pickles, astroturf green relish. Anyone ever think about why that relish is so green? One of life’s great mysteries, I must say. You gotta love it, though. You gotta.

I think that’s enough out of me for now. Check back in soon, I’ll be posting. And check out my YouTube, for longer interview clips and some more fun stuff. Thanks for reading, I’ll talk to you soon. 

I’ve been Sammy in the Streets!