I am not looking forward to anything at college anymore. I used to desperately hope at the beginning of each semester, I would find a group of friends, whom I can really connect with and we'd have tonnes of fun together. We'd study in quaint little cafes, go to bookstores and on the weekends, hit the town, theaters and the city beyond. I wanted to attend all these cultural events that you can only ever enjoy in colleges. And all those monologues about bodies, sexuality, social privilege, diversity, peace! I thought about being in love and doing a bunch of other things like learning how to drive, being part of a political rally, having all these cool, intellectual discussions that will blow one's mind so it gets hungry for more and baking all night for multiple charities.
Except that's glamorous. I know I'm going to be stuck in a center for 20 hours all week, trying to finish my homework and make ends meet and studying for exams all throughout the weekend. And I don't have the close group of friends to hang around with, not at all. That's what makes this whole thing so fucking unbearable. So when I am tired, it's just going to be me lying on my stomach with a rotten book. Or soaked with my clothes on in the wet bathtub, shivering till it's another day, biding my time for the nightmare to emerge fully and drag me down the well again. Just as it always has.
izzy806
germansingergirl
jacobvanloon