the no-fap movement fundementally thinks in and preys on your belief in magic, and your sexual guilt
belief in magic = "a = b, therefore w = 87", non-causal thinking, seeing something happen that you dont understand and finding a solution based on your Internal Model even if it doesnt make real sense, seeing no return on your efforts and finding a direct changable reason why your efforts arent recognised.
sexual guilt = "masturbation bad", belief that sex harms you/drains you/takes from you in some way, carried on into modern spaces by religions/traditions that use the *feeling* of sex being draining as evidence for something being *lost*, when in reality nothing is lost and only pleasure is gained
people rely on what they feel, particularly the negative aspects of what they feel.
people are born with Fear being the primary negative emotional driver. Fear protects them from harm, including harming themselves.
belief in magic also = belief in "energy", not the ability to do work, not the feeling of being energized, but the magical energy that exists as a force that can be manipulated. if the magical energy can determine your outcome (because it is blamed), there is a need to control that magic so that you gain control over the outcome- the perceived re-gaining control over your own actions and defeating an oppressive force.
if you think that your *loss* of male sexual magic energy causes you to not attract women, you will want to no longer *lose* that male sexual magic energy.
in reality, maybe the answer is:
- you are not making an effort to impove yourself/make yourself more presentable
- you are not making an effort to actively reach out to people and start relationships as friendships
- you just so happened to be surrounded by people who have chosen to not choose you, and that is ok. they have every right to decide that, no matter what you do, they just dont like you that way. that is their agency, something they should have the right to do.
some boys try and try and try, and yet are met with the same results. some are bound only to a select few people they can ever interact with and within those people are
- family that treats you like shit
- friends that dont really give a shit about you
- girls that just dont find you attractive
- strangers which are all evil apparently
so of course, as everyone has needs of varying degrees, eventually people need a form of release, a method by which their needs can be met.
boys will all be blinded by their desires and become abusers given the chance- WRONG
boys will all need a method of sexual release and when their needs are not met they are more prone to needy-asshole-type thinking and will likely sit with their needs unmet and let them fester in their heads until the target of their unreciprocated attraction becomes an obstacle and a point of blame as an explanation for their unmet needs- CORRECT
HOWEVER, it is no one's responsibility to look after your needs. Be a girl, be approached by a boy, see how you feel in that moment. That is the other side of the problem. You could accept him out of principal and be locked into a relationship where you are his sexual outlet, or you can choose to have autonomy and reject him if you arent absolutely attracted to the idea.
The problem is complex, and we do not have the ability to ask everyone on the planet, we live too far away from each other to try with people further than our relatively small area of opportunity. Is anyone in your area right for you? Is anyone on a dating app right for you? Is anyone even in your country right for you?
so what do we do? we masturbate and feel bad about masturbating even though there's nothing actually wrong with it, but we perceive it as lesser than what we actually want.
And then we watch a youtube video about how this one person quit masturbating and suddenly got their whole life together, thinking that, surely, that must be the reason why we're alone, that we can turn our life around if we just resolved to do something, to give something up, to finally achieve what we wanted. And we once again begin to believe in magic, deny ourselves a simple pleasure and chase a dream that if we just keep improving then suddenly it'll all change- and then we stop after a week or two because once again we do not see results of our efforts.
You might just find someone some day, or you might not. That is only partially up to you, and partially up to whoever you meet. You can continue masturbating to regulate yourself, you can continue meeting new people, you can continue improving yourself and making yourself a better kinder stronger person- but your reward is never guaranteed.
Still, we are human, and so we need social interaction, and so we must continue to regulate and meet new people and improve ourselves anyway. Maybe for the chance at fulfilling our needs, maybe just for ourselves. But certainly change is made through many hands, and the more times we put ourselves out there, the more times we are hurt and continue anyway, the more we grow our connections and the more likely real change can become.
