mini rant, but i am quite annoyed that on the twitter prsk deathmatch polls, i've seen two qrts now saying that mafuyu would win (in various scenarios) because "she has no morals".
we are talking about the girl whose dream is to be a nurse because she wants to take care of people like how her horribly abusive mother did once. we are talking about the girl whose terrified to let people down and make them unhappy because she always derived happiness from their happiness. we are talking about the girl who in mizuki's 4th, was worried about mizuki the whole time they were at spojoy park because mizuki said they had "something important" to tell mafuyu and kept prolonging telling her about it. we are talking about the girl who genuinely smiled when helping a child with her injured knee in her 2nd mixed. we are talking about the girl, that even in main story, thought it was horrible for kanade to sacrifice so much to try and "save" her. we are talking about the girl who has grown to see nightcord as like the family she never had. we are talking about the girl who is finding happiness in friendships even when she's not fully comfortable being herself around— like shizuku, emu, airi, tsukasa, rui, ichika, and even her other underclassmen like saki, haruka and kohane, and she's now able to be herself around honami, too. we are talking about the girl who loves everyone so much— even when she shouldn't— to the point of where it isolates herself from the support she needs.
just because her good girl persona is nice and overly kind and isn't representative of mafuyu's true feelings does NOT fucking mean that mafuyu isn't an inherently kind person. mafuyu didn't have this much growth for you to say this, NOR was she EVER at a point where she truly didn't care about other people's feelings or morality. just because she had a mental breakdown and lashed out at her friends once doesn't define her as a person— she was at her lowest and couldn't handle any more pressure. mafuyu has always had an identity and personality, even if she felt incredibly unsure of it and couldn't identify it herself.
if you put mafuyu in a deathmatch with someone else, she most likely would let herself die or try to find a solution where they can both live. that is the kind of person mafuyu asahina is, and she has always been this way since the game launched in september 2020.
STOP demonizing mafuyu for being mentally ill. STOP acting like she hates people. STOP mischaracterizing her as an unfeeling person.
mafuyu is a girl that loves and loves and loves until there is nothing left.
Otose, Jirochou and Tatsugorou: Microcosms in Gintama
Back to being delusional and crazy about Takagin... I've always noticed some similarities between Jirochou and Takasugi, but because the narrative kept comparing Tatsugorou and Jirochou to Gintoki (+ the white hair), it was hard to decide what to make of it...
But now I would go on to say The Four Devas arc feels like a microcosm of Shogun Assassination arc. Otose, Jirochou and Tatsugorou could very well be a microcosm to the entire Gintama. I think there's a lot to say about Gintoki and Takasugi's characters based on this.
Warning for spoilers and romantically implied Takagin/Gintaka.
Edit: Added another microcosm I found. Marked *.
I don't even feel like this needs to be explained, but Jirochou and Takasugi have pretty much the same gruff, constipated, distant personalities, except of course Jirochou came from a better family. Not to forget the heights and the similar choices of kimonos. The narrative never makes any points on how similar Takasugi is to several characters, but it definitely is there. Especially if Gintoki often picks a fight with them (looking at you Hijikata and Umibouzu). But I think Jirochou is the biggest culprit for being most similar to Takasugi, often having the same intense sequences with Gintoki.
There are two big similarities in the setting and events of The Four Devas arc and Shogun Assassination arc -
Both involve an attempt at overthrowing the authority;
One takes place in Kabukichou, and the other in the entire Edo.
Whether its coincidence or not, the cast that appear in The Four Devas arc and Shogun Assassination arc don't appear in the other (aside from Yorozuya, of course). If you can believe this was intended as a microcosm, then this means Otose, Jirochou and Tatsugorou have big roles to play in Gintama's overall narative.
So if Jirochou's personality heavily references Takasugi, who represents Gintoki? Or is there a third character to represent Otose?
Nope, my take is that Gintoki represents BOTH Otose and Tatsugorou. The narrative clearly points out the parallels between Tatsugorou and Gintoki, but the ones with Otose are never said. In fact, Gintoki has many similarities to women but the narrative never points it out (aside from Tsukuyo, but even then Gintoki belittles himself compared to her). It's probably because it's weird to compare a good-for-nothing guy to a woman in the first place.
But it wouldn't be weird if Gintoki was meant to represent a son to Otose and Tatsugorou, considering how they never had a child and Otose took him in. In a way, you could say he has a half of Otose and a half of Tatsugorou--
Gintoki has also coincidentally had two occasions where he is associated with halves. The first is in the Soul Switch arc, where the soul in the cat corpse Dozaemon with half of Gintoki's soul embodies the losses Gintoki suffered. The second is in Takasugi's death, where for some reason, he says he wished he could have shared a drink with him, even if it was half the number of times they fought.
These halves can be traced back to Otose and Tatsugorou. Dozaemon was highly characterized by wanting a place to belong and found it in Tae, which very much resembles Tatsugorou who is heavily implied to long for a place as a lone wolf and found it in Otose.
Then, Gintoki's words to Takasugi about sharing a drink seems very much like why Otose opened her snack bar in the first place - so anyone, no matter how different, can have a drink together. Maybe it's coincidence, but if Gintoki chose to say half + sharing a drink, then this could be one half of him speaking (Otose).
Another implication of Otose's half in Gintoki is in the amnesia arc. If it took away all memories, including the bad ones, from Gintoki, then what was left was just his soul as it is. He acts surprisingly more polite and empathetic compared to his usual self that even Tae is captivated. He also naturally cares about everyone's feelings around him, apologizes a lot and chooses to leave Yorozuya so as to not burden Shinpachi and Kagura any longer. Gintoki's base soul has always been someone who cares deeply about people, which we see demonstrated in his own way in the rest of the series.
Tatsugorou's traits in Gintoki are obviously that he's a lone wolf who gets along with everyone, but never gets too close and keeps his past a mystery. Otose's traits in Gintoki are how he easily acts like her proxy, always bringing people together. There is that huge parallel of how the entire Kabukichou came together to protect Otose and the city and to fulfil Gintoki's wish in the end. I would simplify their traits in Gintoki as wanting a place to belong (Tatsugorou) and sharing a kindred spirit (Otose). It's probably why the Gintoki in Hijikata's body isn't so different from the usual - because the soul and some memories that defined it were still there.
There is the argument that Tatsugorou would act like Gintoki without his memories, of course. But Jirochou describes Tatsugorou as chivalrous rather than an idiot who would protect everyone like Gintoki. So I'm inclined to think that Tatsugorou doesn't have the unconditional loving side for everyone that Otose has and acts mostly on his justice. He does get into physical fights for no reason.
Now that I have established Otose, Jirochou and Tatsugorou's traits in Gintoki and Takasugi, the events in their past and the Four Deva arcs has more to say about their characters:
Tatsugorou dying because of Jirochou, and Jirochou making a promise to protect Otose and Kabukichou | Takasugi making Gintoki promise to protect Shouyou, who breaks it and kills Shouyou to protect both
I know, the most obvious parallel is how Tatsugorou died in Jirochou's arms. But I'm taking a more psychoanalytical approach as always, as this event became what changed Jirochou immensely. I would think that Shouyou's death would be the parallel to this, given how it changed Takasugi.
Jirochou and Takasugi (partly) letting their guards down was what caused these tragic events to happen. Jirochou distances himself from Kabukichou and lives out the guilt of having let Tatsugorou die for someone like him, and Takasugi lived on suffering the guilt of having made Gintoki bear the cross of killing Shouyou. Both even feel like they were the ones who killed Tatsugorou and Shouyou.
Not to mention how Takasugi literally threw away his humanity in the Silver Soul arc to protect his teacher, just like Jirochou metaphorically doing so to protect Kabukichou. And Pirako comments how Jirochou really couldn't care less about the city and only did so for one woman. This is the same mindset Takasugi openly fights with in the war, fighting only for Shouyou, but later that reason reveals itself to be Gintoki.
Both Jirochou and Takasugi threw away their humanities to make it up to the man they admired who died protecting them (Tatsugorou and Shouyou), and make the person they love happy through that (Otose and Gintoki).
I would even go as far as saying the Tatsugorou half of Gintoki died alongside Shouyou at that time. There is the symbolism of how all three students created their graves. After all, Gintoki lost his home, something Tatsugorou always wanted for himself. He started wandering around afterwards, distancing himself from people but still protecting them. Even being willing to give up his life for strangers, like Otose sacrificing herself for everyone.
It's as if during this period, he closed the part of him who wanted a place to belong entirely but not the rest of it. He did say he no longer wanted to carry the burden of belonging somewhere with something important--
As he expresses it openly to Kamui 500+ chapters later, he had tried to live on empty and not let people in anymore to protect himself. But when he met Otose behind Tatsugorou's grave only did Tatsugorou's half start to come back alive, fighting once again to belong somewhere.
Gintoki does after all promise to stay somewhere to protect someone, despite having avoided belonging anywhere until now.
Jirochou attempting to kill Otose for his plans of protecting Kabukichou | Takasugi fighting to kill Gintoki to go through with his plans of toppling the Bakufu
Another big similarity here is how both Jirochou and Takasugi are willing to kill someone they love for the apparent greater good. Jirochou critically injured Otose, and Otose was at great risk of dying.
This emphasizes how Jirochou and Takasugi always play the roles of villainous anti-heroes. We learn in the Liberation Army arc that what Takasugi was trying to do was play hero and make a miracle to avenge the dead, even though it was impossible.
Something I also have to talk about is the romantic feelings that this trio captures. Jirochou's feelings for Otose seem to have come about from the way she loved everyone equally, even never giving up on straightening Jirochou up no matter how much he misbehaved.
As I discussed in previous posts, Takasugi's romantic feelings for Gintoki seem to stem from a similar place of unconditional love. It makes me think that gruff guys ware drawn to gentler, unconditional people who can see through their facade, contrast them and express their love for people when they themselves can't. Someone who wouldn't give up on them.
Even Gintoki being the one to keep getting back up to stop Takasugi on his rampage, like Otose had done with Jirochou.
With how the story teases Otose with Jirochou too, I'm inclined to believe that Otose did harbour some romantic feelings for him. But she was more attracted to Tatsugorou, who shared her values of being present with people, unlike Jirochou who distances himself all the time. There is a scene where Otose notes how Jirochou and Tatsugorou communicate with their fists, and she looks from far away as if it isn't a world she is part of. A way to see this, could be that if Otose understood Jirochou better, she may have fallen in love with him first.
Whereas Gintoki already knows how important it is to communicate with your fists, that it's what he uses to wake Takasugi up in the end. The chapter even being titled Fists.
This is what makes both Otose and Tatsugorou's halves in Gintoki important. Without Tatsugorou's traits, Gintoki would have never been able to see eye-to-eye with Takasugi. Gintoki probably knew Takasugi better than Otose knew Jirochou because of this too, which is a recurring theme in the story of how they can just tell each other's thoughts. And without Otose's trait of loving people and never giving up on them, Takasugi would have never found a place and fell in love with Gintoki.
And in Takasugi's final moments, if Gintoki was speaking with the half of him who is Otose - then it could mean that part of him fully reciprocated Takasugi's feelings.
Takasugi plays strong roles to both halves - he was the one who encouraged Gintoki to just do what he wanted honestly and with all his heart at the start (here, just a theory though), and he was the one who fought to his death for his sake fully committing Gintoki's place within Takasugi's soul in the end. It's just that only one half of him could be honest, but it doesn't mean the other didn't love him either.
In the end, Jirochou's conclusion is to properly return to his life, to stop being bound to a promise and pay attention to what really matters now in the present. This is similar to Takasugi's conclusion in the Liberation Army arc: to live life as just a human and to face and accept everything that's happened.
The ending of the Four Deva arcs involve Jirochou reuniting with Pirako, and so does Takasugi's ending reuniting with Matako.
*(Another strong microcosm is in the Invasion arc: Jirocho made his entrance with a speech about the role of men in Kabukichou - how they become cowards when they can't protect one woman, so with that title, they will keep roaring about their chivalry till their death. And this is exactly what Takasugi does both as a terrorist and at his death, playing hero and never divulging the real reason why. Sadly I can't add anymore photos - this speech is in Chapter 622.)
I did talk about Tae being drawn to instances where both halves were showing. I personally think the reason Gintoki and Tae aren't together is because of how they are too similar as people, both being a combination of Otose and Tatsugorou instead of one. Both of them are kind caring people but also terribly cunning, that it isn't an exaggeration to say Tae IS the female Gintoki and vice versa. It's even emphasized in how they coincidentally have many similar character traits (having stalkers and chibi rich kid one-eyed simps, being a useless woman and man). Even the teasing of how Tae seems to return the feelings of many people like Gintoki.
As halves, I do think they would have been together. But as wholes, they probably understand each other better than anyone that they want to care about everyone (hence why they aren't together).
They can only really be with someone who is happy with them just the way they are. Even Kyubei being happy just seeing Tae smile, even if it could be taken in a romantic context of reciprocating Kondo's feelings. Kyutae was heavily implied to be mutual and canon if Kyubei was a man (grrrr). Takagin feels mutual but just won't happen even if Takasugi was alive because of their clashing natures.
Yup, I'm pretty much convinced Takasugi->Gintoki was 100% implied romantic at this point. Pirako commenting how Jirochou was doing all of this for the woman he loved and didn't care about the town, Takasugi having parallels to almost every man canonically in love...
Takasugi saying he can just a bit honest about doing what he wants to do and not entirely. This motherfucker.
My Personal Journey with Project SEKAI: How Haruka Kiritani Changed My Perspective on Life
I recently watched a heart-touching video on Omori, and it inspired me to want to express my own feelings about the special place Project SEKAI has in my heart.
I hesitated to share this because of how deeply personal and depressing it is and would leave a bad taste in the mouths of people who want to enjoy Haruka (and Tsukasa) without the lens of depression. But I really want people to take Project SEKAI's writing more seriously instead of treating it as some trauma complexity competition. It would be nice if this could resonate with some people and give some hope to them.
I don't consider myself a victim of ableism, but my struggle is objectively about ableism - so my personal answer may be triggering and something people would not agree with/be able to live with.
TW for ableism and suicide ideation.
For all my life, I suffered from feeling like everyday was empty and was like dying, but I was never comforted for it and thus came to the delusional view that everyone was the same and going through this. 'All of us are trying to become someone we aren't because the world won't accept us for who we really are, so of course I shouldn't expect comfort,' or so I thought. But there was no story that could clearly express this pain - I have felt it several times in fictional characters I'm drawn to, but it was sadly never the focus of the story. Because of this, I always dreamed of creating a story that could strongly express these feelings so all of us can open our eyes to it and not have to suffer alone anymore, and it's what kept me going for years. That is, until I found Wonderlands x Showtime from Project SEKAI.
When I first read the unit story, I recognized a lot of Tsukasa's behaviours and lit up - this was it. This was the story I had always been looking for.
I thought it was a given everyone would have perceived Tsukasa the same way I did. He was the leader character who was trying to become someone else: the framing of 'chasing stardom = couldn't stand life living as himself' couldn't get anymore obvious than that. These were the feelings that drove me to write A True Star as the seeds were so obviously planted but the writers just weren't sowing them. But the fandom was a wake-up call for me that not everyone suffered the same way and could see it, especially as Tsukasa became more and more forcibly fitted into the comfort sunshine boyfriend stereotype by the fandom. Even the people who were touched by my writing had vastly different views from me. It taught me that people are different and feel things differently, and suddenly I no longer knew what I wanted.
Mafuyu was never relatable for me, because I could never relate to being in so much pain to the point of not feeling guilt when people want to help you. For me, everyday was just dull - I could smile and laugh genuinely along with people, but something just felt missing and it made me feel dead inside. I kept aiming to become good at something so I could feel whole, but the motivation was just never there. But what was most painful above all, was the fact that I felt no one ever took my tears and emotions seriously, no matter how much I tried to express myself. This is what I could only perceive in Tsukasa and WxS at the time, and fuelled me into writing A True Star.
But I started feeling more and more guilty and selfish of my feelings for Tsukasa because of Curtain Call. Given the angst, more fans would probably be wanting to see a focus on Rui instead of Tsukasa. I also believed that the writers should be focusing on Rui, because if it made the fans happy, then they SHOULD write Tsukasa off as his fandom oversimplification so as to not overshadow Rui. Tsukasa's pre-established angst and Rui's apparent angst in Curtain Call just couldn't coexist to me without ruining the message and impact of the other. I decided my feelings were just self-pitying exaggeration and shouldn't be captured, and people who related to me should stop living that way. Because of that guilt, I found myself unable to write and draw the things that used to make me happy. I spent a long time paralyzed because of this, crying and suffering everyday from feeling that the dream I had for the longest time turned out to be stupid and there would never be anything fun for me to look forward to. A day didn't go by without me contemplating suicide. This was why I quit Twitter.
But I still couldn't let go of my feelings no matter how hard I tried to - I wanted to see my dream. I wanted to see it touch the hearts of people, for them to realize how painful it was being this way, that my feelings and those like myself were never an exaggeration.
In that same period of time, when I was begging my body to move and do something productive and not be like this over a fucking fictional character, going to counselling and reading all sorts of self-help articles to get over it - I briefly recalled Haruka's story. I finally understood how she felt: being unable to do what you love as you can't help but feel you're just an unwanted burden to others. Even if there are people out there who enjoyed your works, it doesn't matter because you're a fake and there are other better people out there who have more meaningful things to say than you. But even so, you can't let go. She gave me the answer to my dilemma in Painful Hope: to forgive yourself for being different and needing comfort in your own way. Even if it's not a big deal to others, it most certainly is a big deal to you.
Haruka Kiritani surprisingly broadened my perspective on life. I had never understood her character at the start, thinking she was just the stereotype of a responsible girl. I always thought I was a certain way - exaggerated like Tsukasa, but in reality I was far more simpler and pathetic than that. I just felt overly responsible for everyone's emotions for how painfully sensitive I am to people and my surroundings, that I never thought enough about expressing myself. That if I made someone unhappy, something bad would happen. And the big problem was, I believed I always made people unhappy for being different.
Wanting to be saved by the dream of the entire world acknowledging your suffering and being there for you? I only then realized how delusional it was and how it just made me look farther away from myself and worsened my life. How about using those strong senses to just be present and appreciate every moment of being human and alive instead? Enjoying the happy times with all your heart, letting yourself just feel the pain when someone hurts you, live everyday looking forward to more encounters that would enrich your life... Maybe along the way, you may even miraculously find something that completes you. (I LOVE YOU IF!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR CHANGING ME YURRY CANON AND HARUKA KIRITANI!!!!)
It isn't about discarding your suffering, it's about acknowledging reality: there are so many people living in the world, it can't just be the way you need it to be for your happiness - but you can change. You just have to live for something that you can attain for sure, like facing the pain and emptiness of everyday for what it is and having hope for happier days. (My favourite anime of all-time Gintama captures this sooooo well, delusion vs reality, how both of them are equally important - please watch it. Now don't get me started on how strongly similar Project SEKAI and Gintama are--).
Besides, I wouldn't want people to change for me. I love them for who they are, and I was just blinded running away thinking no one would ever want me around as me. But now, I live trying to face the reality that there will be people who care and want me to be happy. I'll live with the pain of people not caring about me so I can fully experience those happier times when they come. And just because people don't care doesn't mean they're terrible people - the world is huge, there are too many options and choices for people to make.
Even if life is always so painful, there are times it's still so fun. I just can't let go after all.
Haruka Kiritani is the reason I stopped entrusting my ridiculous dream to Tsukasa and I'm not in as bad a place mentally anymore. I was just delusional like Tsukasa was, thinking achieving your dream would change everything and make you finally feel wanted and enough (lol, the meta is crazy). I'm grateful the scenario writers didn't give me what I wanted right away with Tsukasa - because then, I wouldn't have noticed the beauty in Haruka's writing. I'm pretty confident that WxS is definitely going in the direction I dreamed of (the same message I wanted to convey in A True Star), but it doesn't really matter much to me anymore now.
I can't go along with dreams of being saved anymore. I understand wanting them, I really did. But right now, what's more important to me is the love people have for me in the present, even if it's imperfect, flawed and hurts so much. I don't ever want to be saved if it means turning a blind eye to people who want me around and failing to respond to them as I've been doing up till now. I'm still not fully understood, which is why it hurts - but as long as I respond as seriously as I can, things might hopefully change someday. I've always been loved, and I want to cherish that. It's because of that I can no longer muster the emotions and anger to write A True Star anymore.
I slowly started realizing more and more similarities in Haruka too. There was such a small detail in Towards The Dream of That Day (Focus 3) that meant the world to me: the small moment where a young Haruka expresses discomfort with the crowd. Can you imagine that this sensitive girl who gets tired from crowds is now a top idol?
"...But there were so many people, I think I might be a little exhausted."
It didn't even hit me when I read that part, but I had a memory just like that with my own mother which slipped my mind. It's probably happened so many times my family had to take care of me in crowds in the past. But I had been so immersed in the delusion that I could overcome anything, that I completely forgot I was always the shy, fragile young girl to my family.
We have both always been loved and seen by people around us, but we just don't feel good enough that we end up trying to become someone else. It also doesn't help when your family thinks you can grow out of it - but if they love you, they will try to understand and you will feel that love if you're present. This is a big reason why living in reality is now so important to me - to properly respond to my loved ones, so that we can someday see eye-to-eye. And not to forget, to be able to smile and have fun with all my being once again.
More recently, it finally sunk in that I have always been terrible at smiling. I hated taking photographs because I could never get it to look the way I want it to, because no matter how hard I tried to smile, it just couldn't turn out natural. My mother has always pointed it out ever since I was young, but I didn't acknowledge it because I knew I could smile more naturally if I was in the mood - which is true... it isn't even autism, because when I'm talking about or doing something I love, I would be smiling and laughing so hard that my friends and family take notice. Just like Haruka and penguins, and when idol activities and times with her friends are genuinely exhilarating and fun.
A big problem we likely have is a form of neurodivergence that makes the normal world too boring and understimulating for us. And it's really a struggle - constantly being understimulated to even hold normal conversations, and then there's how most of our loved ones wouldn't get it because of how different we are.
And finally, there's Haruka in Precious Memories.
(I... can smile like this too.)
(It seems somewhat different from when I'm at work...)
"...Thank you for giving me such wonderful memories, Saki."
How she realized she should cherish and preserve every moment in her life from Saki is so, so important to me. Even with friends, even if she's not always fully happy, she can have times she would find herself smiling so happily without realizing it.
It hammers in the realization I came to because of her character. After all, I ended up like this, unaware and self-hating, because I kept taking my own emotions and people's emotions towards me for granted. I was already happy just spending time around family and friends, but I couldn't fully immerse myself in it because of how hard I constantly was on myself. And the cycle of anger went on as people couldn't understand why I was so hard on myself. This is the power of Project SEKAI, just because she too couldn't move at all at one point - Haruka Kiritani helped me understand myself so much better and navigate life in a healthier, wholer way, embracing both the joys and pains of life. (Well... I still do run away, but I'm working on it...)
Shiho also became an incredibly important character to me because of the message in Stick to Your Faith that supplemented Haruka's character. I never thought to think of it that way, that there were things you couldn't let go of but it's okay to care about people's feelings at the same time. As someone with unique interests and who takes things a little too seriously, it was the words that I really needed to hear. I don't think we are similar enough to share even the same motivations though, but Shiho's values have definitely lit a way forward in my self-discovery.
It's embarrassing to be so impacted by a story that isn't serious to most people. But truly, to Colorful Palette, thank you for writing Haruka Kiritani. Honami, Shiho and Tsukasa were all equally as important in making me realize the true weight of emotions and their impact on you. Project SEKAI made my dream come true in MORE MORE JUMP, in a far different yet better way than what I expected.
I hope that this post would make people realize that Project SEKAI characters are more human than tropes. I was once blinded by tropes too, which made me miss out on how beautifully written Honami was - it really, really takes time to grow out of it. I'm tired of people attributing angst and depression only to Niigo when that's just a part of life and everyone has at least experienced it once. The sudden shift in atmosphere in No Seek No Find? A song about life and death in Kashika? Utsuro wo Aogu literally meaning 'looking into the void'? The constant themes of escapism in Emu commissions?
Each character is so strongly human in nature, that you can just understand the emotions they're feeling in the moment and why they feel that way. The narrative won't spell it for you, the characters are all unreliable narrators - you need to immerse yourself in both the story and the commissions and understand it yourself. You need to read all the unit stories to understand the writers' approach to emotions. Even if it doesn't make sense to you, it might start to make sense the more you learn about yourself and the people around you - because the writers have put in their actual emotions and experiences into writing and planning the character.
That is the beauty of Project SEKAI to me. I hope someday, instead of a cringey angsty teenage story, people could come to appreciate the human love and care put into its characters.
Finally, I end this love letter to Project SEKAI with one of my most favourite lines in If:
"Singing won't save your life or anything. But I want to sing for your sake."
"Even if this life of mine has no worth, the world is still beautiful. So let's live."
Takasugi really feels like the embodiment of a character who's literally the enemy of the entire narrative... The narrative painted him as Gintoki's archenemy who rightfully harbours anger and hatred for him for his actions in the past and turning a blind eye, but it turns out Takasugi was actually angry at himself and couldn't stand seeing Gintoki cry.
There's how Gintoki and Hijikata have strongly contrasting designs and compatible personalities, as if hinting at how their dynamic would likely have a strong role in the overall narrative... And Takasugi was just the toxic yaoi ex who Hijikata was meant to replace. Only for Takasugi to entirely take Hijikata out of the picture and leave Hijikata pathetically tailing the two of them in Silver Soul arc.
And if Takagin really is romantically implied... You can interpret "wait for me in hell" as Takasugi getting Gintoki to promise that the only person he would belong to and go home to is Takasugi alone. Tsukuyo had commented that Gintoki is the type who can't belong to one place and it's why there is no romance in the story - and Takasugi destroyed that.
Takasugi destroyed all the allegations and tropes against him that were established at the very start. The way this iconic line is unironically true... Takasugi is the troll to Gintama that trolls everyone. Takasugi is the enemy of the entire Gintama universe.
He's so terrible he won't even make his character clear to the audience... Best boy BTW.
Gintoki Sakata Discussion: Takasugi's Influence on Gintoki - What it Means to Truly Protect Your Soul
This is DEFINITELY overthinking it and stretching it beyond canon, but nevertheless I wanted to share my recent thoughts... Spoilers for the entire story, of course. Also, warning for Takagin/Gintaka.
Edit 22/2/2024 (marked with *): Small section added for more evidence on how Gintoki was never a naturally straightforward person.
Maybe it was Takasugi who ironically inspired Gintoki to be who he is today: the man who never gives up, even if he's beaten down and everything seems hopeless - he will stand back up and protect everyone and everything around him. Just like how Takasugi senselessly was as a dojo challenger.
When Gintoki was younger, he was never like this. He was just fighting for his survival. When Gintoki first meets Shouyou, Shouyou points out how Gintoki was just wielding the sword to protect himself in a harsh, bloody environment.
This is why Gintoki doesn't give up when sparring Shouyou. He needs to be as strong as possible to keep protecting himself. Gintoki brings up how he has never lost to an adult - as if he wants to beat Shouyou simply so he can never lose ever again (so he wouldn't end up dying).
And then, Shouyou mentions how monsters are something born from a bloodstained karma. Gintoki is naturally drawn to bloodshed and death, because losing meant death in the environment he used to grow up in. So he needs to be strong and be capable of killing others so he can survive in such a place. You can just see it in the fear in Gintoki as a child standing on a pile of corpses.
(It's probably why Gintoki carries his sword around with him everywhere as a child, too. So he feels safe at all times.)
This all goes to show how Gintoki would have never had anything he would want to fight for as a child. He would just fight to be with Shouyou who was the only one he could trust or to protect himself. That's why this personality to want to protect everything within his sword's reach was definitely never innate.
Then comes Takasugi, whose Gintoki's first impression of is an irrational kid who would challenge a poor temple school with no actual reason other than wanting to win. You can see how Gintoki is clearly confused by him.
And even after losing many times, he just wouldn't give up on coming back. Gintoki even tells him to give up - he had no reason to keep getting hurt and beat up like that. It wasn't like he had to fight for his survival like Gintoki, he was clearly a privileged kid.
It is only when Takasugi wins and laughs that Gintoki no longer expresses this confusion and disagreement with Takasugi's actions. It's shown in how Gintoki suddenly tells Takasugi to come back, when Gintoki had initially told him to give up.
As if Takasugi's and everyone's smile and laughter after all that ridiculous irrationality made Gintoki realize something that made him change his mind.
Gintoki had a glimpse of Takasugi's way of living - to fight to the very end and keep getting back up for what you want, even if it was silly and stupid. In the end, you'll be rewarded with your own laughter and the people around you laughing along to your sincere, honest spirit.
It was a pointless, dumb way of living, but everyone was still laughing like that and happy. So maybe there was actually some worth in living dumbly and straightforwardly like that.
This may even be why Takasugi's laughter always stuck with Gintoki, even as he cut him down. Because it defined his life - that you should live by facing the present - just as much as Shouyou's words to use a sword to protect your soul stuck to him.
It was Shouyou who first taught Gintoki that what you truly want to do couldn't be the desperate instincts driving you, but rather something deeper down that should feel genuine - the soul. Then it was Takasugi who came along who seemed to demonstrate what living as your soul really was like - to do what you felt like doing in the moment, no matter what the people around you would say.
Even Shouyou encouraging Takasugi's pursuit suggests how this was Gintoki's lifelong answer. And only Takasugi could have demonstrated it best for Gintoki to imitate (instead of imitating Shouyou, as Shouyou had warned him against).
It truly feels like Takasugi is the humanity Shoka Sonjuku cultivated (Katsura did already know what he wanted, after all).
Takasugi's straightforwardness could have inspired Gintoki to tap into his own dull feelings deep down that he carries as he lives his everyday life. If those simple feelings for Takasugi were to grow stronger, then could there be such a thing for Gintoki too? Instead of being drawn to the joy of beating someone stronger than him, Gintoki could realize he seems more inclined to just living for some reason--
Even with no ambitions, he was still fine with just sitting around doing nothing. No matter how mundane, monotous and boring his everyday was without the excitement of a dream, Gintoki was still living for some reason. Maybe his joy in life was right there then--
--It was people. We see throughout the story that Gintoki is solely motivated to fight for the people around him.
Gintoki's actions have always, always been motivated by a desire to protect the people around him. He loves them: simply seeing them laugh when they want, cry when they want and fight to live as their truest selves. So isn't it fine for him to just want to fight for something as simple as that? Just like how Takasugi only fought for the petty reason of growing stronger.
This could be why Gintoki can now confidently say that he just loves the world as it is, even despite all the tragedies that's happened in it that made him suffer.
Not only did Takasugi potentially inspire Gintoki's present way of life, but Takasugi may even be the embodiment of what Gintoki found himself loving most about the world - that imperfect humanity of simply living, chasing what you want, getting lost, failing and suffering, but celebrating those small victories when you finally get there and laughing with everyone. This soul is what Gintoki always wants to protect within Edo, too.
After all, the mundane moments they shared in Shoka Sonjuku and Takasugi's laughter are the only things running in Gintoki's head as he resolves himself to cut Utsuro-Takasugi down. Gintoki truly loved them all.
If this wasn't the case, Gintoki would have never told Takasugi to come back. If Gintoki's motivations was never just the joy of seeing people be themselves, he would have set out and pursued whatever his soul wanted from being inspired by Takasugi's straightforwardness. He wanted to see Takasugi again, because he wanted to see that sincere, straightforward soul once again.
It could be why Gintoki is the one who disagrees with the way Takasugi does things in the present more than anyone.
If it was Takasugi who taught him that happiness of being sincere and straightforward with chasing what you wanted, and given that same spirit was exactly what Gintoki realized he loved most and wanted to protect - Gintoki would fight with all his heart for Takasugi to be that person Gintoki loved again.
It's also a nice touch that Gintoki says "I, the you who is me" when declaring he would never give up to Takasugi, as if implying how Gintoki took that lesson of straightforwardly never giving up from Takasugi himself.
Just as much as Gintoki's acceptance of Takasugi helped him, Takasugi's straightforward passion helped Gintoki just as equally.
*More evidence that Gintoki was never the person he is now is what he chooses to do after the war. Unlike Katsura and Takasugi who went off to pursue their goals, Gintoki's first instinct was to wander around and detach himself from people out of fear of losing people again. Gintoki seems to be more naturally a coward, and only when he lets people in does he find the courage to once again embrace the straightforwardness that Takasugi demonstrated.
After the events of the story that help Takasugi come to terms with himself, Takasugi's straightforwardness is later emphasized as his strong point that resonates with people. It wouldn't be a surprise then if he was the natural source of this straightforwardness in Gintoki, especially when the latter has always been defined as an empty person.
Takasugi and Gintoki are opposites who complete each other, to the point that even outsiders who only briefly meet them together no longer cared about how one of them was a terrorist. One way of seeing it is Takasugi represents the strong, unrelenting humanity that Gintoki realized he loved and wanted to live for, and Gintoki represents the impossibly white soul that the outcast Takasugi found as a place to belong to.
It was important for them to find each other: for Gintoki to realize he wasn't empty and was always capable of emotions, and for Takasugi to realize he wasn't wrong for who he was which the world made him feel.
It's why their life-defining events most often involve the other: Takasugi's laughter was a pivotal point in Gintoki's life where he finally grasped a real reason to fight in his empty everyday, while Gintoki's tears was a pivotal point in Takasugi's life which forced Takasugi to face his biggest enemy: himself.
Ironically enough, their ways of living now could even be said to be a a reflection of their love for each other: Gintoki facing the present because he loved that part of Takasugi and wants to be in the present with him, and Takasugi facing the past to feel closer to Gintoki who is obviously incomplete without the emotions of his past.
Naturally, there is no present without the past, and it feels like Takasugi decided to live in the past to represent it for Gintoki (but probably more because he's too scared to face the present because of his self-hatred and blame, but to be fair Gintoki is afraid of facing the past too even though he should). It's why I liked that the story ended strongly with Takasugi's death, because its impact really conveyed how there was someone who was always chasing Gintoki's entirety - he definitely had a place in someone's heart. He would still be loved no matter what, even if he always felt he was a monster different from others for how he grew up and thus would never properly have a place to belong.
You can see I really, really love Takasugi... From inference and parallels alone, Takasugi has always demonstrated so much importance to the narrative, but it's never laid out beyond how he's the one who lost himself and now has to redeem himself.
Gintama feels like a story about the two of them, not just Gintoki. Especially if Takasugi was the one who originated Gintoki's straightforward way of living, and given how Takasugi seems to literally be the human sword Shouyou prophecized to cut down Utsuro in the end.
It's really because Gintoki avoids thinking about the past and Takasugi hates himself for his emotions that we have to infer how much these two affected each other... But I do enjoy things not being shoved in my face, the avoidance really makes it a lot more emotional.
Backlit Lens Flare and CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY Discussion - Reigniting The Passion Lost to Peer Pressure
Everyone wants to have a place to belong, where the hard work we pour into the things we love will be seen and appreciated by people. But what happens when you decide you will never find this place and resign yourself to a life of solitude, only to be proven wrong by a group of people who insist on your wholehearted hard work? And it only later dawns on you that you will someday have to part ways and you will lose the miraculous place you finally found.
This is what I like to think Rui Kamishiro encapsulates - the battle between being yourself and wanting a place to belong. How easy it is to get swayed from what you love when you think you've found this place and start to subconsciously dedicate your passion to this place instead, to the point that if you're not aware enough, you can forget the feelings in your original passion (resulting in the hesitation and doubt in Curtain Call). After all, nobody is the same, and if you focus too much of your passion on them, that passion becomes about them and not yourself. Ultimately, it is how not acknowledging a healthy boundary with people who are different from you can affect your passion (Shiho as a character is very integral to this).
Warnings:
I believe the entire WxS plot is meant to be misdirection.
Personal interpretation of Rui and several characters by inferring from text.
I believe Rui is a flawed person with no bad intentions, so there will be criticism of his character here. I really suggest turning away if it upsets you.
Spoilers for all WxS unit stories up till Backlit Lens Flare (as well as for Saki, Shiho, Akito, Mafuyu and Mizuki's characters up to their most recent stories)
Edit (11/2/2024): Made multiple edits as always, but biggest change is talking more about the foils in CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY and Kitty's message.
Edit (12/2/2024): Compulsory mention of Rui's mom and how he was set up for failure from way back then.
Edit (12/2/2024): Expansion on the parallels between Rui and Mafuyu - what it is that makes them the CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY and Jackpot Sad Girl. And a summary on how three commission parallels supports this interpretation of CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY about Rui's characters.
Edit (13/2/2024): Lets add a bit more about how Resonate with You criticizes Rui's actions in Curtain Call. AND MANJI ALSO BEING A SLANG MEANING EXCITEMENT, STILL APPLIES TO TSUKASA IDC!!
Rui's character in the story starts off as someone who has thrown the part of himself who wants to have fun making things with people after being repeatedly let down by them. The early times with Wonderlands x Showtime helped him remember that desire from childhood to find a place that accepts that desire, that he criticizes Tsukasa for not appreciating WxS - for not realizing the best shows can't be accomplished without friends.
"--The best shows can't be done alone."
Following the fallout, Tsukasa and WxS' continued insistence and appreciation of him makes him start to see them as a place he can finally belong to. The place he's searched for for so long since childhood. That when he saw Tsukasa get hurt, he became swayed from doing the things he wanted to do for the first time and he hadn't even noticed it - because Tsukasa might leave him like his classmates had, so he has to hold back so as to not disappoint him further. This resulted in Tsukasa and Ruis second argument, with Tsukasa being angry at Rui for lying and holding back - which I later argue is the exact same feelings in his FUZAKERUNA in CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY.
"This is surprising. I didn't think I'd ever feel this way."
"Being afraid of losing your place, and then being unable to face the actors who seriously respond to you - this is a failing as a director."
However, this entire ordeal ended in Rui acknowledging his weakness, putting the whole deal behind them and moving on with the show, as KAITO advised. (Spoiler: it isn't weird at all to say that this happens again, with how he deals with it so indifferently like this.)
And then in Curtain Call, he becomes painfully aware that everyone may leave someday for their dreams--
"Someday, the day we will have to depart will come... For both me, and everyone."
Doesn't this just seem like a repeat of Halloween in a different way? He's scared they'll all leave him alone. One can say that Curtain Call ignited the exact same fear of being left alone and losing your place that Rui felt in Halloween - and his reaction feels exactly the same too: acknowledge it, put it behind you and move on to doing what is best for the best shows. After all, Rui lives for the best shows, because it is what makes him most happy - albeit Backlit Lens Flare suggests how he doesn't actually fully remember the joy and passion for shows he had as a child (discussed later). The best way to put it is - Rui feels like a walking corpse of his childhood.
Normally, when you realize this possibility of parting in the future, you talk to your friends about this (see: Saki Focus 3, Get Over It). But Rui refrains from talking to the people he should be talking to (WxS) and proceeds to go for the most obvious decision for his dream by joining Arklands. Only after Asahi turns him away does he go for the next obvious option he sees - the reckless decision that he would do everything in his power to achieve everyone's dreams together. And he can so confidently chase it because he's smart, only to be put down in Backlit Lens Flare lol.
Rui has really just been powering his way through the things he finds unpleasant, as KAITO had told him to in Halloween, ignoring the bad parts and doing everything for the sake for the best shows. You can really, really argue that KAITO's advice in Halloween seems very, very morally ambiguous now lol. He doesn't think ahead of what is the best choice and what would make him happiest - it's as if he's avoiding the very line of thought of how he would do post-WxS. Compared to Shiho in Focus 1, 'Resonate With You', who shows how she has thought it through and is happy enough just spending time with Leo/need for leisure - Rui doesn't even reach this line of thought of what happens next.
I think that he avoids thinking properly about these stuff because he wouldn't have a proper answer to it. Can he really trust Asahi when many other people have disappointed him after showing some interest before this? On the other hand, he's argued with Tsukasa twice and everyone is still enthusiastic - WxS is the only place he's ever felt secure.
"There were a few people who saw my ideas and said, 'it would be interesting if we could do it'."
"But even those people gradually became reluctant with the more new ideas I brought to them."
It may generally be underestimated in the story just how much Rui doesn't inherently trust people and actors.
Even CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY begins with 'Nobody's listening anyway. Music's all just fashion, players leaving the field after devouring dead sounds one night.' which can be interpreted as people who became reluctant after they spent too long around Rui as he says to KAITO above, innit.
And then, Backlit Lens Flare happens and Rui encounters ??? (Sakaki). Sakaki immediately identifies the problem with Bakuno's acting, pinpointing it to the directors instead of the actor. Rui was not able to.
Remember, the freelance option isn't permanent - there's the possibility someone may be recruited away (It's a story for another day that he is only really worried about Tsukasa instead of the whole WxS but doesn't realize this). Rui paying attention to their growths first of all before his own is testament to how he's trying to make sure they quickly grow so they can achieve their dreams together:
"...It seems it became good stimulation for both of them right away."
"...I also need to more proactively study from this opportunity."
So even now, Rui is more worried about WxS over himself. He prioritizes making sure they are getting something out of the freelancing gig over himself. Only after watching them was he stimulated to do his best too - and here comes the question, where did his drive to be proactive for his own passion go to?
Sakaki's ingenuity finally pops this question to Rui's mind. Had Rui's brain not been filled with the worry of losing his place, he may have been able to think more clearly and just as quickly reach the same conclusion as Sakaki. If he had been filled with thoughts of what was satisfying for himself instead of how he could stay with everyone, he may have been able to create a much better film (see: Shiho Focus 3, Stick to Your Faith). In fact, why is he even so bothered about falling behind Sakaki, when Rui isn't even an adult or a professional director himself?
It's not normal to be bothered about that: Nene was never hard on herself for not being as good as Kazamatsuri, because it's a given she's far away. But she does get upset with herself when she realizes she had looked down on Sakurako and naively seen her as an equal. You only react that way with people you see as equals if you're secure.
Perhaps, the passionate person Rui used to be would have admired Sakaki and want to learn from him out of a pure love for shows instead. And not be so bothered about how he was falling behind professionals.
We see Rui fail twice in the story: not figuring out the problem with the scene, and not thinking ahead of personalizing the script like Ohara had. (There is a third time too: how Tsukasa and WxS seem so moved by Bakuno's performance that Rui played no part in - meaning there are others who could easily replace him - if the emotions in this discussion hold true). And it's no wonder it would have him start questioning and blaming his obsession with WxS for it - if he had not been preoccupied with them, he may have avoided his failures altogether, and even if he did, he wouldn't have been this upset.
It's like a hit to his ego. Is how he's acting and behaving really the same boy who loved shows and would do anything for a show that would satisfy him?
Right now, it's as if Rui is trying hard to protect his position as a talented genius that surpasses everyone so WxS will need him for their dreams and want him around. No one can replace him; only he can achieve their dreams for them.
But Sakaki and Ohara prove him wrong.
The closing lines of Backlit Lens Flare, where he focuses on his own feelings towards directing instead of anything WxS learned, implies this self-realization of how he had been behaving. Rui is finally focused on himself.
"I'm disappointed that I didnt come up with this method, but strangely enough, I feel refreshed."
"Directing... really is interesting."
FIRST UP. WHY DID YOU NEED TO COME UP WITH THE METHOD. SECONDLY, WHY ARE YOU REFRESHED. It makes sense to me as someone who's been carried away a lot: when you realize you lost sight of your original intentions and began worrying more about so many unnecessary things, you feel bitter at your mistake but relieved and refreshed you've finally been woken up.
To me, all of these feel like they're pointing to Rui being afraid of losing his place in WxS. So he has to be capable of solving everything, achieving everyone's dreams, so they will need him for it and they can keep staying this way. Before this, it seemed like a normal human emotion he had just never experienced before, but now, it's starting to show it's actually detrimenting his passion.
This is what I believe the theme of trends are playing into in CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY - doing anything you can to make sure there will be people to hear and appreciate your music, and the spite in realizing you've lost yourself in that pursuit. Money is the artificial love you receive by catering to people so they would stay and listen to you. It's heartless, but following his character, it seems the crowd he's referring to is WxS. Because they have their strong individualistic dreams and just won't simply stay with him as he wants them to, he has to keep worrying about keeping up with them (Tsukasa mainly):
But still, here, there, everywhere, loners, manji, Gen Z, even monkeys want it.
Loners=Rui
Manji (a sign of good things to come)=Tsukasa (being surrounded by good luck charms; kanji 天 being associated with heaven; inviting Rui to WxS) (edit: manji is also a slang for excitement, which Tsukasa literally is for Rui)
Gen Z=Nene (digital age, playing video games)
Monkey=Emu (in Rui's picnic card and Emu in Sky's Edge)
(In NY2, Emu ended up drawing tons of big luck omikuji, and Tsukasa is surrounded by monkeys in Island Panic - so you can suggest their roles are reversed. But the robot monkey Tsukasa in picnic suggests Tsukasa isn't a real monkey.)
Curtain Call and Backlit Lens Flare together show how not addressing and expressing fears properly and simply moving on changes nothing. Self-awareness and powering through is useless advice - anyone who's had troubles with lovers, friends and family know you need to talk and accomodate each other. Or not, is it even feeling loved and cared anymore, isn't it just about control then?
In Resonate with You, Shiho makes Leo/need think through their choice to join her into becoming a professional, rather than accepting them right off the bat. She knows from her prior experience working with people that half-hearted musicians would only fail, suffer and drop out. It is only by Leo/need wholeheartedly declaring their intentions of facing music sincerely and seriously that Shiho is convinced that they can all do it together for sure. This is such a contrast to Rui in Curtain Call where he decides on his own that he will find a way for WxS to achieve their dream together, while barely thinking at all. And he winds up focusing so much on making sure WxS stays together. You need to think it through, face the future seriously and talk properly. NOT JUST LEAVE IT THERE!!
Or else you'll lose sight of your original motivation from focusing too much on things that don't really matter as much to you: you'll just end up half-hearted.
Further proof that Backlit Lens Flare is Rui's realization of his half-heartedness since Curtain Call, is that Tsukasa gets angry at him in CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY like he does in Halloween. It isn't even a desperate shout to save someone - it's like a look of pure judgmental disappointment, as if they've been through this already. Stop lying.
He already shouted in anger in Halloween. If that didn't reach Rui, then there was no point in being all angry anymore.
Rui was repeating Halloween, trying so hard to protect the place he belongs to and forgot what he himself truly wants. From there, the lyrics in the entire CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY are self-explanatory: what happened to the things you wanted to sing? (I was so happy with the lyrics because it was exactly what I was thinking in Curtain Call but no one seemed to care).
One thing you can never take away from Rui is that he is a very, very passionate guy. He loves what he does that he would spend every waking hour of his day working on it. Even if he's become a shell of his former self, his body is still naturally drawn to shows (Samsa Kanade reference heh). And Rui himself believes himself to be purely passionate too. So when he realizes that passion has been thoroughly dirtied, it makes sense he's as angry as he is in CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY.
In Anni 2, Rui says he didn't know what he wanted to do like Mafuyu, but then he corrects himself to say he THOUGHT he knew.
"Actually, in the past, I didn't know what I wanted to do."
"No... I should say that I thought I knew, but I actually didn't know at all."
For a brief moment, Rui thought he was just like Mafuyu with nothing to call his own. Until he quickly remembers that he did indeed have something he wanted to do, but claims to have been mistaken.
Why did you briefly relate to a girl who felt like she had nothing she wanted to do like everyone else, if that isn't a sign of his current state of mind - feeling like he has no dreams like WxS, and having to keep up with them so that he can feel like he belongs (discussed later in the parallels with Cinema). His lost passion became more evident at this point of the story.
If you 'thought you knew', then that means it was once a genuine feeling too. Even if you're alone, doing what you love is still fun - Shiho in her Focus 3, 'That Day, The Sky Was Far Away' demonstrates this. Although she had been let down by the bandmates, she was still fine alone because music made her feel better. And she even inspired Mihane because of her enthusiasm. After all, what you love to do should make you happy to some extent.
In comparison, Rui seems to have forgotten that shows were actually fun in middle school (probably because Stick to Your Faith never happened for him). When he approached Mizuki, he was standoffish and didn't think to introduce Mizuki to the fun of shows even when they expressed some interest in it. Probably because he couldn't even remember it himself. But being able to make that decision suggests he did still have some semblance of emotions that felt like shows were fun. Once again, a walking corpse of his chiildhood.
In the end, it's like he already lost this original joy for shows since middle school, and then grew even more confused about what made him happiest with the new joy he experienced after finding a place in WxS. He hasn't been able to wholeheartedly enjoy his passion because he's been continuously rejected, and he thought he was having fun when WxS accepted him - but in the end, that fun was from finally finding a place.
Update: Tetrad gives more implications of how Rui had gone astray post-Curtain Call. Tsukasa and Rui sing together, "We're facing the same direction", but Rui appears troubled. It's like Rui can't declare that he is chasing his dreams as confidently as the rest of WxS. Deep down, a part of him probably knew this even before Backlit Lens Flare happened but was afraid of facing it.
I would further go on to associate CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY to both Kitty and Cinema which its imagery resembles. The card set takes place in Shibuya where Kitty takes place in, and Cinema uses the same director's cut + Tsukasa's trained card directly mentions Cinema on the billboard.
There's also the naming that is clearly based on Jackpot Sad Girl - which I think just goes to highlight how both Rui and Mafuyu have the power through it mindset that it lands them dead and sad respectively: people need to reconcile their differences with others to truly love and feel alive (Rui) and people can't endure stress for too long without getting depressed (Mafuyu). Both ignored their human needs and thus this is where they wound up.
The parallel with Kitty feels like it's also within the overall messaging - how facing things can lead to losing yourself even more when you aren't mentally prepared and have no clear-cut answer (sounds similar to what Rui carelessly did in Curtain Call, doesn't it?). In Mafuyu's case, she seemed about ready to change herself again to please her mother, and in Mizuki's case, opening up to Niigo would make them more sensitive to what they say and probably even change themselves so as to not be left alone. Mizuki has even expressed this sentiment once by dressing as a boy in middle school, when they already knew they loved cute things since childhood and was even reaffirmed by their sister.
In Our Survival and Escape, the point is made that it's BECAUSE Mizuki never opened up to Niigo that they were able to protect their heart. Compare this to Rui, who bore everything about himself to WxS by not holding back with his performances and past and thus gained their unconditional acceptance. As a result, he becomes swayed by them when he realizes that things would come to an end and becomes preoccupied with stopping it even at the cost of himself - his passion. If Mizuki had similarly put their utmost trust in Niigo like this, it wouldn't be surprising either if they quickly get swayed to stop expressing themselves too if one of them ever expressed dismay (hinting that they would leave).
Thus, in order to find the answer to real love, you have to protect your heart first, even if it means running away and distancing yourself from others (Kitty). But unlike Mizuki, Rui was taught from childhood to simply not care about what people say, so he has never been aware of just how much words can affect you (compare the advice Mizuki's sister and Rui's mom gave them: completely different). This winds him up in CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY, where he's unknowingly adjusting himself for WxS to not leave him.
As for Cinema, both songs capture how Akito and Rui's struggles and fears at the time feel like the exact same - being left behind and losing your place because you weren't enough, to the point of losing who you really are (Akito pushing himself to be passionate to match everyone else, Rui falling into the trap of peer pressure to match everyone else. What they envy in 'everyone else' is how they want things that Akito and Rui don't feel like they really care about and view as meaningless. But in truth, they don't care about it only because they're more concerned about belonging - they've always had it deep down in them.).
But in Akito's case, VIVID BAD SQUAD directly reaches out for him when he pushes himself far too much and forces himself to suffer to make up for his lack of talent. That's why Akito is reassured that even at his weakest and most pathetic, there will be people there who refuse to leave him alone. So Cinema feels like Akito freely lamenting on how he's different from the people, that he can't keep up with them, but with VBS by his side, he feels like it's fine to find and pursue who he truly is.
On the other hand, CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY feels like Rui's suppressed spite from having to keep up with WxS in order to not be left alone. Because everyone else will betray him, it has to be and can only be WxS who've endured him until now. It's the first time he found people who would stay, so he's desperate not to lose them that he would subconsciously change himself so he can keep matching their needs. And the realization makes him spiteful, because he's lost what was fun for him from that need to change for others to stay. And he's left to stay lost to the very end, because the only way right now for him to be himself and stop worrying is by others matching him instead, but there is no way to 100% control people - compared to Akito who found his answer by coming to terms with the impossibility to control yourself to be someone else. Because VBS was there to accept him as he was when he was trying so hard to be someone else.
Rui will probably eventually realize he has to just accept he's lost his passion from the fear of being alone and stop lamenting controlling everything around him, once he gets tired of it and reaches his limit like Akito in Stray Bad Dogs.
Suddenly everyone started up onto a nonsense scenario
(Whatever you do, wherever you look, there's a traffic of influencers.)
It's just like a movie, exactly like a movie.
(But still, here, there, everywhere, loners, manji, Gen Z, even monkeys want it.)
No matter where you go, there's a story.
(Just give me a punchline, its meaning can be whatever.)
Cinema and CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY are like the perspectives of two boys who feel like outsiders to the world, but one is actively trying change himself to belong somewhere and the other finds himself suddenly facing peer pressure when he used to not care about belonging somewhere. It's even contrasted in Akito's customer service front and Rui's indifference to school terrorism that they are foils of one another in a society. And probably why Akito hates Rui too - for taking any means necessary to achieve what he wants without a care for people, when Akito has spent his life working hard to be equals to people in order to belong.
[More similarities in lyrics, in no particular order (CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY in brackets):
Traffic’s already jammed up now. Oh well, nothing I can do about that anyway
(Whatever you do, wherever you look, there's a traffic of influencers.)
“It wasn’t supposed to be like this.” "What was it supposed to be like then?"
(What happened to things you wanted to sing about?)
Back then I'm sure it was there. The thing that I envisioned was there. When was it that I...
(There must have been something you wanted to sing about.)
What are you playing at? Who are you trying to be? There's no way you could be that, right?
(At this rate this will never end. What you want definitely isn't money.)]
Maybe it's coincidence, but the lyrics in Cinema also reference Curtain Call very early on:
Someday it'll be bye-bye when the end comes, so
Smile for the curtain call and applause.
Cinema is accepting of it and faces it head-on. Rui still avoids it.
And Cinema also captured what happened in Backlit Lens Flare with Bakuno. Something Rui couldn't figure out on his own without Sakaki and Emu:
If you're not suited for the role,
Then just rewrite the script!
This is as if implying Akito realizes early on that people are all different, and there may come a time you have to part because of your differences. So you don't have to keep worrying about fitting in - try your best to be yourself instead and smile when it all ends.
This is something that Rui hasn't faced at all, so it's pretty meta that he hadn't thought of matching the actor's individualities. It seems he's lived with the belief that directors have to adjust themselves according to the level they believe the actors are on and actors have to work their hardest to live up to the director's wishes at all times - because the director knows best. Instead of truly understanding their actors for who they are as individuals and what they individually need.
"I always try to cast actors in a way that brings out their strengths."
"That's why I always get you to play the role of a type that is easiest for you to match."
And this becomes a regret for Rui in the same story - realizing that he hadn't thought enough about what Tsukasa really wanted and needed.
"...I feel a little regretful that I hadn't thought that far."
Nene's surprise at Rui's words further imply that this isn't how he normally is. That he wouldn't be thinking so much about people and their personal needs.
It isn't therefore surprising that he agrees with and commits to the mindset that he has to power through his emotions without speaking to anyone. He expects that from his actors, and applying it to real life, it means that your role and scenario have already been decided from birth and what was left was living up to it. It's frighteningly similar to the lyrics in Engeki, which I wasn't even thinking about. Except it wasn't forced on him but rather something Rui decided on his own, with no harmful intent from the people who fed that mindset. Even before KAITO - it was his mother who unknowingly instilled this in him:
"People are people, I am myself. If you take care of what you like, someday you'll be able to make friends too. Like how I met your dad."
(i.e. don't bother with the painful things around you, just keep doing what you do and keep going until you get there.)
And hence why this commission is full of firey anger. The story tramples on the way Rui has lived until now, proving him wrong when he thought he finally found his answer by powering through his fear of losing WxS. How it made him realize that he had at some point been driven by something petty like being with friends forever and lost the passionate part of him, the one who would do anything to satisfy himself. He's realized he's no longer having fun like the child he used to be, evident from the lyrics that start off with how he no longer has anything he wants to convey.
"Now let's all laugh. Aren't views more important than art? A terrible price for the virus. So what will you do? Is that really fine?"
The lyrics are as if Rui is finally realizing that everything he's been doing, making people smile up until now, has been just for views (for WxS to stay around), and it finally makes him question, is this what he really wants??? Where did all the passion, fun and self-satisfaction that he thought he was making shows for went to???
(This is a more literal translation, the popular TL translates it as Then what do we do? Was that how it was supposed to go?)
I don't know if it's clear now - but in conclusion, CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY feels very much like Rui realizing how he was more focused on protecting his place over enjoying what he does. The first lines of the song do seem to be screaming a spitefulness in not being able to just do what you enjoy: "No one wants to listen (...), I don't have anything I want to convey (...)"
That's why CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY is an ironic name, appearing on the director's cut to imply they're filming a movie of Rui's life. How Rui had been living dead against his own self - falling victim to peer pressure (trends) to protect his place in WxS. Until Sakaki reminds him of the heights his true self wanted to reach and reignites the passionate fire for theatre inside him.
In summary, to simplify it, CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY's parallels come together to tell a complete story about Rui Kamishiro (biased but idc):
1) Jackpot Sad Girl: The unhealthiness of Rui and Mafuyu's mindset of powering through what they think they want without properly talking to people.
2) Kitty: How putting your trust in people can sway your heart and steer you away from what you truly want, something Mizuki knows and thus avoids but not Rui.
3) Cinema: A combination of Jackpot Sad Girl and Kitty - how a person with Rui's mindset is left feeling angry and confused when realizing he has lost himself from having his heart unexpectedly swayed by people. This is foiled by a complete opposite like Akito who has lived a life with no reason to truly call his own and is bitterly aware of how it is all because his life has always been completely defined by other people.
(Man, I LOVE the Cinema foils so much. Akito and Rui are such perfect opposites I LOVE THEM.)
And finally, from the end of CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY:
Devoid of soul, music remains silent
Unheard lyrics conceal their essence;
without playback, music loses its meaning.
Thus, modern music is pronounced deceased.
YES. YES. DEVOID OF SOUL AS I SAID, HOW RUI KAMISHIRO FEELS LIKE A WALKING CORPSE OF HIS CHILDHOOD. PLAYBACK!!! LOOK BACK AT YOUR PAST AND FIND YOURSELF!!! REMEMBER THE JOY AND PASSION YOU CAN'T GIVE UP RUI-KUN!!! Stop trying to keep people around, face solitude and be brave: what's most important is to be yourself!
Backlit Lens Flare felt like a reawakening for Rui, and it's why it's one of the best stories alongside Pandemonium for me. If Tsukasa is completely avoidant, then Rui is full of blatant lies. But of course because the writers will never clearly describe the emotions in WxS stories, I can't confirm this is the intended interpretation. It's just my own personal interpretation that I enjoy best and makes most emotional sense to my personal experiences.
But my opinions are bound to change because there are soooo many ways of seeing things. For now, this is what I think of Rui Kamishiro in Backlit Lens Flare and CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY.
Takagin Discussion: Story Romantic Parallels (Part 2)
Continued, because image limit grrr. Part 1 here, take note of warnings there!
Takasugi and Enshou suffering from bystander's guilt. Both would have taken the chance to choose the death of the person their loved one loved more than them: Enshou did so and Takasugi is haunted by his thoughts of it. Even though this person was just as dear to them too (brother and teacher).
A layer of Takasugi that isn't present in Hijikata is his drive to destroy Gintoki and the world, despite loving the former. The cause? Look no further than Enshou who encapsulates post-Shouyou death Takasugi's emotions the best. Even being directly paralleled to Takasugi.
The dialogue in Shogun Assassination arc speaks for itself with how his anger was more about Gintoki and not Shouyou. Gintoki straight up calls Takasugi out for being the one who would have made the choice to kill Shouyou. And then there's Enshou who chose to leave his brother to die when he had found the chance to.
For Takasugi, it was out of an inability to live without someone, even if it meant taking away something precious to them, and the same was for Enshou except he also wanted the princess for himself. In fact, their direct parallels could even suggest that Takasugi would have wanted Shouyou to die so he could be the closest to Gintoki, which would really, really fuel his self-hatred and explain why it was strong enough for his actions. Then again, this is purely speculative, because the guilt from realizing you aren't who you think you are (wanting to protect Shouyou at all costs) is already great enough.
(I tell you, love is crazy. It wouldn't be surprising if Takasugi truly wanted to kill Shouyou despite everything. Enshou was even willing to kill his OWN blood brother who was proud of him. Obligatory Oboro mention who sees himself as a foil to Takasugi, and snitched on Shouyou out of jealousy and love for him too, despite knowing it will very likely not end well.)
Takasugi feeling like he murdered Shouyou is evident when Shouyou's death is one of the instances he recalls alongside his other cold-blooded murders when speaking of his sins.
Think about how much this realization that he would have killed Shouyou would hurt Takasugi's sense of identity. If the parallel with Hijikata holds true, that he intended to devote his life to protecting Shouyou to protect Gintoki's happiness from afar. And here he was suddenly thinking he would kill him if he had the chance, destroying Gintoki's happiness along with Shouyou.
These instances were times Enshou and Takasugi could pretend they weren't responsible, because it was the enemy that did it. But that's why it haunts them both - how could they be so horrible, selfish people? They ARE the enemies of their loved ones.
And further proof to that, is how Takasugi branded himself Gintoki's enemy that he should take revenge upon. Although his only outward action was being helpless just as much as Katsura, who doesn't harbour any violent will for his actions.
(Takasugi saw Gintoki as his enemy, as another him - as if because he couldn't think of it as Gintoki killing Shouyou. Gintoki would never choose Takasugi over Shouyou, he wouldn't make himself suffer and cry like that. It was all Takasugi who did it.)
It's also worth noting how Katsura talks about how he chose to change because of Gintoki's strength to face his pain and learn to live, even though he was supposed to be hurting the most out of all of them - and Takasugi completely ignores it. Just like Enshou running away from the pain the princess was enduring.
It's as if Katsura exists to show how someone who wasn't in love would have reacted to the events of the war and having an influence like Gintoki around, lol.
Takasugi and Enshou running away from their guilt by immersing themselves in a delusional goal and tormenting themselves.
Feeling guilt for who they really were, Enshou chose to throw himself into the battlefield and Takasugi could only think to ensue more chaos in hopes that something would come out of it. There was something they could still stand to achieve to compensate for their choices - Takasugi could overthrow the bakufu who betrayed all his comrades, Enshou could win more honour for his homeland. And if they failed, at least they would die in the process.
Takasugi shows awareness of this as he likens his cause to Matako shooting herself in the head.
For Enshou, he could make amends by looking for an honourable death as a hero to make up for his sins. For Takasugi, he could make amends by delusionally undoing the damage caused by the war and killing Gintoki who would try to stop him in the process, proving he can and would have killed Gintoki over Shouyou. And cause himself immeasurable pain in that process of killing and losing someone he loves, because he deserves it for betraying his teacher.
All so the princess would know Enshou as the hero who died and risked everything, which implies he had fought that hard too to protect her husband but failed. And as for Takasugi, it was all so Gintoki would never know that Takasugi would have killed Shouyou.
The only illusion Takasugi even has of Shouyou is one where he's expecting to be hit on the head for being half-hearted, instead of a fatherly moment. Takasugi knows everything he's doing is in the wrong, that he's just running away, but he doesn't have the courage to straighten himself up.
He wants Shouyou to stop him. He wants to be honest again.
But the princess and Gintoki both knew. Their words implying this don't register in either of the two though because of just how far gone they are in the delusion that their actions will protect them from being found out. To the point Takasugi immediately believes he would have had the same rationale as Gintoki and it meant he wasn't expelled (MY MAN SHOUYOU WOULDN'T EXPEL YOU FOR BEING IN LOVE AND WANTING TO GET RID OF HIM FOR IT EITHER!!! HE'S PROBABLY SUPER PROUD OF YOU!!! HE'D BE SAYING KILL ME IF YOU CAN!!!)
Another line of thinking that may have happened was that it FINALLY registered in him that it was Gintoki who beheaded Shouyou, not him. Especially because Gintoki says his full name like that, distinguishing them as people. It could be why he no longer says stuff about how they are the same person.
Being released from the guilt of his own selfishness by thinking he would have had the same reason as Gintoki, and being released from the guilt of thinking he was responsible for Shouyou's death, would have made it easier for Takasugi to move forward with less self-hatred and gain better clarity of what he truly wanted to do (hint: Gintoki's tears, as per the usual).
Their parallels truly goes to show that fighting to protect a country and fighting to destroy a country can both be running away... as long as your heart isn't in the present.
Takasugi and Umibouzu realizing that it is them and mundane life that are the true battlefield.
After losing Bansai, the very first member of Kiheitai, Takasugi finally realizes his rashness and blindness. The delusion he promised to his comrades was nowhere to be seen. When he loses someone who gave more meaning to that delusion than the delusion itself, Takasugi becomes more lost than ever. Only at this point does Takasugi realize he had always been dreaming, that this wasn't him.
If the delusion was really him, he wouldn't have been this lost from the death of the very first member - it would've just fuelled him to be see that goal through to be sure to honour his death. Especially when Bansai said they would die following him to his goals.
The reason he went this far in the first place - he always said his goals was as vengeance for Shouyou and the lives lost, but if losing someone proved it was all just a dream, then was that really what was driving him to stay alive? If he really was living in the past, he would have just killed himself after everything happened, but as he implies, it wouldn't satiate anything. (Sure, he may have been telling Gintoki to stab himself, but at this point he was seeing Gintoki as himself anyway so I think the interpretation of his dialogue is in the air)
The reason he was still running today wasn't for the dead. It was for one man who was still alive and in pain, who cried that day without anyone to wipe those tears for him.
These are the true emotions in his left eye that only become clearer after said man - Gintoki - even helps him justify his sins. The fact he's even wearing a kimono of mountains where Shouyou was executed really goes to show how affected and driven he was by that sight.
Takasugi had an idea of this after his clash with Gintoki and being reminded by Matako's tears. Not to mention Kiheitai being formed for and because of that same girl whose tears woke him up - as if paralleling Takasugi's entire driving force for one man too.
(EVEN THE MANGA FRAMING GINTOKI AND MATAKO CRYING IN THE SAME WAY. MATAKO BEING THE ONE TO BELIEVE IN AND LOOK FOR TAKASUGI AFTER HIS DEATH, LIKE GINTOKI LOOKING FOR SHOUYOU AFTER UTSURO'S DEATH... I DIDN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT ANY MATAKO PARALLELS AT THE START)
The cover for the chapter Matako cries is even Takasugi sitting on a mountain of corpses surrounded by crows, very much resembling Gintoki as a child. Even the very frame where Shouyou was describing him to Takasugi. And with an uncharacteristically satisfied victorious smile, which never appears on his face no matter how many enemies he cut down. And a line suggesting a battle for the clarity of heart. As if Matako's tears made him realize what his heart really wanted - to reach where Gintoki was all alone.
I talked about how much being alone in that battlefield of corpses had still been haunting the child in Gintoki in Part 1. And Takasugi knows. Because when a man is in love with a monster, he would want to know everything about the monster and wouldn't want them to suffer alone, like Umibouzu felt about Kouka.
But this only really kicked in after Bansai's death that destroyed all his delusions he could run off to.
After that realization, like Enshou, Takasugi had been planning to die, taking down the Tendoushuu along with him to put a close to the true culprits behind Gintoki's suffering. But after learning about Utsuro's blood, he still had to live to see it through to the end, for the sake of the teacher he wronged and because there was another thing he had to take care of for Gintoki to not have to suffer again. He never had any intentions of just being the human he realizes he was in his own exchange with Enshou lol.
Because he doesn't believe someone as violent as himself can without bloodshed and make anyone mundanely happy, just like Hijikata. AND his guilt at the forkroads for feeling like he would have killed Shouyou, that made it so that he could no longer fight by Gintoki's side when that was likely already his usual happiness.
(Matako's words even goes to show how much being by Gintoki's side is already an incomparable happiness for Takasugi, that she stops wanting to chase him and even enjoys seeing him like that. Not even jealous that Gintoki replaced Kiheitai - the man who seemed empty and aimless looked like he finally regained something.
She must have wanted to do something about Takasugi's suffering for a long time, and finally seeing it after so long is like a confusing breath of fresh air. It didn't have to be her, she just wanted to see him doing better. THIS IS WHY I LOVE KIHEITAI SO MUCH...)
Ahem. Then there's also Takasugi's guilt for Kiheitai's suffering that caused him to isolate himself from Matako and Henpeita. Imagine telling them he has no ambition in the first place, especially if it was all just for the tears of one guy, and they were all literally dying for no goal. He can't say that. Man. Takasugi's ENTIRE character is about running away.
That's why living a normal life IS the true battlefield. It's so painful and frightening that Takasugi can never face it. Even if he strongly wanted it, it was far better to avoid it.
This is something that Umibouzu comes to realize and acknowledge early on without being burdened by guilt and deluded like Enshou and Takasugi were. That no matter how many people you are surrounded by, there will be someone you will feel lonely without and can't live without. And the most difficult thing was to live a mundane life with them, against your instincts that are always craving for blood. Takasugi gets this - he's been constantly losing the battle of self-hatred against the human in him and thus stays as far as possible.
But Umibouzu faces the person he loves, while Takasugi keeps distancing himself from the person he loves like Hijikata did. It was probably easier for Umibouzu though since it was something he had to do - the person Takasugi and Hijikata love aren't alone for them to worry about. It's harder for Umibouzu to ignore someone who was suffering all alone, and there was no happiness in sight for her.
Gintoki and Kouka being invited to abandon their long-held principles for their own happiness.
These are just the actions of a man in love - Umibouzu and Takasugi, who can't afford to see the person they love suffer on their own. Principles and other people don't matter in their eyes - it's the happiness of their loved one that matters. That's why they both entice Kouka and Gintoki to make a choice that will make them happy against their principles. Even though leaving Kouan meant abandoning Kouka's ancestors, and saving Shouyou could mean destroying humanity.
Kouka takes Umibouzu up on his offer, while Gintoki decides that he can't pick a side and will be the one to stop Takasugi and Katsura if neither of their answers are correct. Although different, and one leads to her happiness and the other to continued detachment, their answers reflect how they know that the people in front of you is what is most important.
Just as Umibouzu himself confirms, he would have not changed his decision even knowing about Kouka's condition. And just like their last moment is Umibouzu attempting to rescue Kouka from her condition, Takasugi makes sure to remind Gintoki that he isn't empty and has people he has to go to, as if to save him from his emptiness. Both were always fighting the suffering of their loved ones to see them happy.
Takasugi and Umibouzu's left and right eye/arm
This. This is probably the biggest parallel made between Takasugi and a man in love, aside from Enshou. Their left represents the time they ran away from themselves, allowing their bloodthirsty instincts to take root. Their right represents the time they managed to do what they truly wanted to do against their bloodthirsty instincts. Even the chapters are titled Right Arm and Right Eye.
For Umibouzu, what he couldn't do was live a mundane life with his family. For Takasugi, what he couldn't do was make Gintoki happy. This is why their left represents their failures - Umibouzu nearly killing Kamui out of his Yato instincts, Takasugi having to see Gintoki forced to kill their teacher in tears and not trying to do anything about his pain because of his self-hatred.
You can argue Umibouzu's example is a familial one, but there's the difference that Umibouzu already faced the person he loved and had a family to protect while Takasugi never did. Umibouzu's love was in the form of protecting his wife and family, Takasugi's love was in the form of protecting Gintoki's happiness from afar. Their left thus represents failing to do so.
But just like Mitsuba and Hijikata, the ideal happiness both Gintoki and Takasugi wanted was definitely building that mundane life Umibouzu did. Takasugi telling Gintoki to go back to playing house as he deals with Shouyou instead shows how he knows that is true happiness, too. (I remember Takasugi having said playing house more derogatorily another time, but I can't find and remember where it wass... Screaming jealousy I wanted to be with you for sure.)
And then there's the cinematic parallels with Yorozuya, as if implying Takasugi's rightful place as Gintoki's equal who'd take care of Yorozuya together with him, and take care of Gintoki together with Yorozuya--Family.
(Edit: I just noticed that the words Gintoki says the first time Takasugi and Katsura meet him are the exact same words he says when he first meets Shinpachi - "Gyaa gyaa gyaa. Geez, shut up, is it mating season around here?" and steps into their fight. This pretty much confirms some level of equivalence with Takasugi and Yorozuya.)
Their shared desire for a mundane life is displayed even more strongly in their final moments - Gintoki laments how he had hoped things would change in his last moments, about how he thought they would have gotten past their fighting as they grew up. How he wished he could have shared drinks with him more.
But in typical Takasugi fashion, after a pause as if considering his answer, Takasugi runs away and insists their relationship stay a rivalry. Pathetic. But Takasugi probably wanted to see Gintoki smiling as usual instead of having to process the honest truth - not when Takasugi has spent all his life making it seem like he hated his guts, so it's understandable...
Gintoki just isn't the type to decide his own relationships, whether it be with Takasugi or literally anyone else. He only said he would protect Otose and Yorozuya, but then at some point they saw him as family and thus he reciprocated. All he does is protect unconditionally and stay pure as the white soul Katsura describes him as - and its his unconditional acceptance that brings everyone together. That was why Gintoki had always left it to Takasugi to decide what their relationship would be and was happy with whatever outcome. He accepted his relationship with Takasugi would always be one of fighting, even though he could tell from Takasugi's smile and laughter that there was more underneath his pursuit of strength...
Gintoki's regrets and wishes show now how the best outcome would have definitely been Takasugi not running away and determining their relationship as purely based on their rivalry. Takasugi's death reflects how much of a coward he was until the very end...
But in the end, Takasugi represents the humanity Gintoki couldn't achieve because he was brought up by a monster like himself. How humans get scared, stumble and struggle, but they will always get back up. They make their choices of what to face and what to not based on how they feel in the moment. In comparison, Gintoki erased every trace of himself, making no choices but to simply protect. Takasugi may have been fixated on destruction, but with time, he became aware of and faced what it truly meant to destroy.
Takasugi's sword and soul was the one that ended Utsuro once and for all, when long ago Shouyou told Gintoki to beat him with a human sword. A monster can only be destroyed by something stronger than it's emptiness, and Takasugi has been chasing after Gintoki's emptiness his whole life with his humanity.
That's why only Takasugi stood a chance against Utsuro's emptiness, having developed a humanity and love that grew stronger and stronger for the sake of matching the emptiness of the monster he loved.
Gintoki no longer needed to protect himself with the sword he held on so strongly to as a child. And there was no more need to forcefully suppress his fear and instincts to fulfil his purpose as he does now. Takasugi's blade was now there to protect the frightened child, and he's pretty much immortal now lmao.
The conclusion is as if hiding the commentary that Gintoki had never truly become human as Shouyou had told him to. That maybe becoming human was impossible for people born as monsters. But even so, the monster who tries to be human and live a normal life against its emptiness will find a home where they are loved. And that love will surely protect them.
Gintama is such peak fiction for me... I was crying writing this... Takasugi is truly my favourite character of all-time for how relatable and grounded he was as a character, as well as how he perfectly captured the battle against self-hatred. Of course it's personal interpretation - I always wonder if there was a way for dialogue to be straightforward so we could have a universal interpretation... But it might not hit as hard then!
I really like to think Gintama is all about being quiet about the emotions, but being loud about the laughter 😊 So we can decide what emotions there are in it based on our own personal experiences.
Takagin Discussion: Story Romantic Parallels (Part 1)
I've been wanting to make a post talking about the romantic parallels Takagin have with other more established romantic pairings in Gintama. The direct parallel with Enshou destroyed me, then I started thinking if Hijikata and Gintoki are similar... how about Hijikata and Takasugi, then found way more parallels with Hijimitsu. Then I realized there was MORE with Umibouzu and Kouka. Then accidentally found some more with Matako (whose feelings I like to think are more familial).
Warning:
Personal interpretation bias as always. I am tackling this from the standpoint that there may have been some implied romance.
I talk about Umibouzu/Kouka, Hijimitsu, Enshou and Matako.
Edit (17/2/2024): I somehow mistook Shouyou's words 'a sword is to protect your soul' to simply being 'to protect'. This makes a HUGE difference, because it means Gintoki has been fighting to understand and find himself all this time. MAN, I feel downright horrible about this - I have revised it to fit this interpretation. But this does make the parallels stand in a much better way that makes Gintoki a far more genuine, free person as he should be. It only further strengthens how Gintoki is very much a loving person. Edits have been made in the parts marked with an asterisk (*)!
Gintoki and Kouka being born different from normal people and having to fight for their survival in a place surrounded by death.
Both bear a title that captures the life they had to live: Corpse-Eating Demon and Master of Kouan. Both are initially mistaken for monsters that turn out to be a cute child/pretty woman in a place full of death.
However, Gintoki was taken in by Shouyou early on, so he no longer had to fight for his survival. But that event also instilled the sense of obligation in Gintoki that Kouka has--
Gintoki and Kouka being trapped to a life of solitude for their obligations and birth circumstances.*
Kouka resolved to stay on Kouan to uphold her ancestors' pride who chose to endure the harsh planet, whereas Gintoki resolved to grow strong and protect his soul with a human sword as Shouyou had told him, to.
But for Kouka, this meant a life of solitude. For Gintoki, this also meant a life of solitude but in the psychological sense: to understand what it meant to protect your soul, he had to live facing the present and suppressing the true him frightened from the battlefield of corpses - the scared child who grew up in trauma. But that was much needed if he truly wanted to live, because monsters born from bloodshed can't live among humans.
This would explain the detachment both of them suffer from - which for Gintoki still shows until now while Kouka seems to recover from it after marrying Umibouzu - which is will be something I talk about later.
Then there's Kouka's inability to live away from Kouan, which could also be likened to Gintoki's inability to escape his emptiness from childhood: Kouka's bored eyes and Gintoki's dead-fish eyes, but the latter continuing on because the scared child within him is still living in solitude... because Gintoki hates talking about the past, not trying to do anything about it. Monsters can't live among humans, after all.
Takasugi and Hijikata's thorny path as children from not being able to meet the expectations of their families
Hijikata was thrown into the thorny thicket and became obsessed with strength from having witnessed the only older brother who loved him getting hurt because of him. Takasugi was already obsessed with strength from the get-go from not being able to live up to the standard bushido, and it led the two astray, not knowing what they actually wanted out of life.
They became lost to strength because Takasugi was not able to live up his family's expectation and Hijikata had a taste of the helplessness of being a burden to the only family member who loved him. In a way, both were made to feel like they only brought shame to their families, and it led them to trying to find a place elsewhere with strength alone, landing them in Shoka Sonjuku and Shinsengumi.
(Both of them are being judged by the people they want to call family, except Takasugi already seems used to it... Takasugi was also casted out long before Hijikata by his family beating him up and disowning him.)
Takasugi and Umibouzu's unexpected meeting with someone stronger than them and becoming entranced with them.
Takasugi's pursuit of strength led to a chance encounter with Gintoki, who becomes his life goal of beating. Umibouzu heavily implies that his instincts were telling him to keep away from Kouka for how dangerous and strong she was.
In a way, Umibouzu's instincts can be likened to Takasugi's pursuit for strength covering up the humanity inside him that just wants a place to call home. Especially when Umibouzu makes it a point that he has something he has to say to Kouka as himself. Takasugi's dialogue implies how he never got to be fully honest with Gintoki, even till the very end where he insists on seeing Gintoki as someone to beat. The only honesty he could express was how he didn't want to see Gintoki's disheartened face.
And furthermore, Gintoki later jokingly takes the title of the strongest from headbutting Umibouzu, when that was Kouka's title.
Gintoki and Mitsuba's unconditional acceptance of Takasugi and Hijikata
What made Takasugi fall in love anyway? His reasons are definitely closer to Hijikata, considering their similar living conditions and origins. Despite being reduced to a thorny thug and having strange tastes, even dragging her brother so brashly like that, Mitsuba still smiles and laughs at Hijikata in adoration - and Hijikata at some point fell in love with that innocence.
And Gintoki was the only who accepted, faced and wanted Takasugi's obsession with strength head-on, when that was all Takasugi knew as a child.
Both Hijikata and Takasugi were appreciated despite their circumstances by someone. It didn't feel like either of them had any bad intentions too, not when Gintoki and Mitsuba treated everyone the same and it was their standard behaviour. Even though Hijikata and Takasugi had been criticized for their unruly behaviour and were shames to their families, there was someone who didn't see them any differently from any other people. It isn't surprising Hijikata fell in love, and likely Takasugi too.
Gintoki and Mitsuba's love for people*
The reason Takasugi and Hijikata found such a person in the first place was because Gintoki and Mitsuba were both selfless, loving people from the start. Albeit Gintoki is definitely far more detached and distant than Mitsuba ever was (which are where his parallels with Kouka come in).
Gintoki's love for people has been a big theme of the story, even being the reason he turned down Sakamoto's invitation to space despite the tragic war. And just like Mitsuba, this love is more about wanting people to stay true to themselves and happy over their physical presence.
Gintoki chose to behead Shouyou, because it meant protecting what Shouyou truly wanted. Even though Gintoki loved Shouyou dearly, beheading him meant protecting his soul. Gintoki probably didn't hesitate ignoring his promise with Takasugi, because he could sense Shouyou's desire to protect his students far surpassed Takasugi's desire to protect Shouyou. That Takasugi probably just wanted to protect what Gintoki held precious. If that was really his intention, then what Gintoki held precious was the souls of his loved ones anyway, not their physical presence.
But it isn't easy. It's lonely, just as Mitsuba had her mixed feelings seeing Shinsengumi walk away, and Gintoki had shed tears at having to kill the father figure in his life for what he cherished.
But even so, both find a strong sense of joy in seeing the people they love staying true to themselves. If not, Mitsuba wouldn't have been such a good sister to Okita, and Gintoki probably wouldn't have been able to resign to just living peacefully after what he experienced as a child. Especially in Gintoki's case, when even Katsura had strayed from protecting others and himself as his very own grandmother taught him after everything he had seen on the battlefield.
Everyone wants to satiate their own ego and suffering somehow, but it seems the joy of just seeing people living the way they want overpowers that ego in both Mitsuba and Gintoki.
Gintoki and Kouka avoiding attachment to protect themselves, but end up warming up to people anyway.*
Gintoki is the very picture of detachment by living only through facing what's in front of him. Even his actions of casually throwing his textbook away contrasting Katsura and Takasugi shows how detached he is from the past too. Although he was probably the happiest back then, having been with family.
But he's also detached from the people around him. We see that in his childhood from how he reminisces looking at Katsura and Takasugi from afar, both surrounded by many children (and some official art even depicting him as distant from the others). And Gintoki is all alone, looking for another monster who is Shouyou.
Even now with Yorozuya, Shinpachi had been worrying about how Gintoki never wanted to do anything. All he wants to do is protect what's in front of him - as the theme is in the entire story. He loves people, but he never properly lets them in. Even though he still had so many regrets and pains from the past that he never looks back on, which ends up leaking out to influence his choice to find Shouyou after Utsuro's death and making Shinpachi and Kagura realize that it was the wish he never told anyone. No one can be fully happy if they don't come to peace with their past. Especially when it makes you feel like you will never truly belong anywhere.
It bears a resemblance to Kouka settling for what little happiness she had in Kouan to uphold her ancestor's pride and to keep living, and only being swayed when shown a greater happiness by Umibouzu. As for Gintoki, he didn't want to lose himself to the past and so has to keep avoiding it, back in Shoka Sonjuku and even now, even if it means having to settle for a present that isn't fully him. Even if he's actually an empty monster very much like Utsuro.
Both show an inclination to distance themselves from others, as seen by how Kouka remained indifferent throughout her conversations with Umibouzu and Gintoki never talking about himself. But they end up caring too much about the people they distance themselves from, which is what ends up entirely distracting Kouka from the way she initially intended to live whereas forcing Gintoki to carry even more burdens that would obviously make it harder for him to live with his soul intact.
This teaches them both that happiness in the present can only be found from letting people in. Because of this, both change their minds: Kouka decides to leave Kouan, and Gintoki decides to take on the burden of letting more people in when he had already decided he could no longer doing so. This leaves Kouka doomed to die, and Gintoki to have to fight an even harder battle to not lose himself to the past.
But this was still a far better happiness than choosing to live alone to protect yourself.
Gintoki's words that end up saving Kamui from his despair sound very much like the basis for Kouka's words to Kagura about family - you just need someone who'll stay with you, no matter how idiotic they are.
Life isn't about living up to some name to feel good enough and capable to do what you want to do, which Kamui was trying to do to protect his family. This is something Kouka herself was trying to do, but learned that it didn't matter after Umibouzu kept insisting to reach her and Orochi celebrated her departure instead of punishing her.
Gintoki knew this from the get-go because he learned from Shouyou early on that it was about your soul, to not give in to the what the world around you decided for you and truly find yourself. So this stops him from losing himself to the name of the Corpse-Eating Demon, and allows him to wander lost to find the answer within the people around him, including Edo. Edo to Gintoki became what her family was to Kouka.
But unlike Kouka, a piece of Gintoki still stays alone in the past because of this very same mindset of how the present matters. Because his past isn't a commonly shared experience, he can't just share his past with people and expect to be be understood and still be treated as a normal human. Only someone who is determined to understand him like Umibouzu was with Kouka could truly drag him to the present (spoiler: Takasugi obviously).
The realization that the present is most important, not what you are outside of that, is the reason why Kouka allowed Umibouzu to be part of her life, even if it meant her physical death. And Kamui was put at ease by such values, like sleeping on his mother's lap who had once struggled like him.
(I just wanna say--Kamui is such a good example of what it's like to blame yourself hard for not being able to protect family. If Takasugi's main goal was truly Shouyou, then his choices and dialogue should've been more similar to Kamui, methinks.)
Takasugi and Hijikata not feeling suited to making the person they love happy, and so instead protect their happiness from afar.
This whole discussion is already delusional enough but this is by far the most delusional and based on pure inference. But this makes most sense to explain why Takasugi thinks so much about Gintoki's suffering without telling him straight up. This what I think Takasugi's obsession with Shouyou was all about, a way to protect Gintoki's happiness.
Takasugi's actions with Tendoshuu intersects with Hijikata's actions with Tenkaiya. Both went on a suicide mission on their own against them without the people who they know would want to fight alongside with them no matter what (Kiheitai and Shinsengumi). Hijikata would kill the fiance of a dying woman out of revenge and anger at him for not making her happy, Takasugi would let the world Gintoki loves get destroyed if it meant they could go back to the past and Gintoki could be happy with Shouyou again.
Of course there is still Takasugi's love and appreciation for Shouyou accepting him and teaching him his way of life - but it really feels only to a similar extent as Katsura. Not when he didn't say a single word about suffering without Shouyou in his clash against Gintoki to come to terms with his suffering. You can even interpret his gaze and smile upon Shouyou as feeling like he's finally made amends for his guilt at the very end--
In part 2, we talk about post-Shouyou execution Takasugi where more of the Enshou and Umibouzu parallels come in!! How his guilt towards Shouyou may be similar to one Enshou felt towards his brother.
Bansai Kawakami and Kiheitai Discussion - The Humanity that Drives Kiheitai
After watching Gintama till the end, my favourite faction in Gintama is undoubtedly Kiheitai. The Liberation Army arc was my most favourite arc in the entire series - it had a really interesting commentary on characters impacted by the loss of their home and loved ones.
What stood out to me the most was Bansai's gradual realizations as he lived nihilistically down Takasugi's path of destruction. How Bansai has actually always carried the spirit of a Samurai who wanted to protect his country - his home. So he is the one able to open Takasugi's eyes to the present, to the fact that Kiheitai had become akin to a home to all of them who are just nobodies who have lost everything.
Warnings: I bring on some talking points from my previous discussion about Takasugi's character. My interpretation of Takasugi's character is heavy on Takagin. (read here)
The end of the Shinsengumi Crisis arc shows how Bansai is the most open about learning about other beliefs outside Takasugi's. This distinguishes him from the other members of Kiheitai we've seen so far, who seem to blindly be following him as they've lost all purpose. This hints that Bansai hasn't lost his purpose, and it's related to protecting people, with how much present-day Edo drew him in.
We are given confirmation during Kiheitai's formation that Bansai has always been living with that desire to protect the people of his country. He ends up joining Takasugi because there was no other way forward, but seeing Takasugi's charisma probably reinforced his belief that he would be able to protect this country. This is why Bansai isn't blindly devoted to Takasugi, and is able to see with his eyes that present-day Edo never needed to be protected. That it Kiheitai themselves who couldn't face the present.
He acknowledges that Kiheitai were the blind ones, blind to the people and themselves. This makes what Kiheitai truly is clearer to him: they were just a bunch of people who lost everything and wanted someone strong to exact their vengeance while carrying the weight of their anger. And Takasugi is a lost hero who strayed from his path away from the Joui 4 because he was too weak to face the present like them (I do think that Takasugi is most burdened by his guilt of choosing Gintoki over their teacher they fought for and cherished, like Enshou leaving his brother to die to be with his now-wife. But I don't think Bansai knew about this and thought Takasugi couldn't get over his anger of the lives lost only for his teacher to only die in vain. Like how nobody knows what Enshou had done to his brother to the very bitter end too...)
Having taken such lessons from present-day Edo and knowing what Kiheitai really is, Bansai's path became clearer to him. He has to be the comrade who spurs Takasugi to the right path, to rise and become the hero he really is, the one who moves forward because of the present living and not the dead from the past.
Bansai was no longer fighting to protect Kiheitai's ambitions of overthrowing the government, he would die fighting protecting the spirit of Kiheitai. Which he does by telling Takasugi he has to keep going because Kiheitai is always chasing him, not for their goal of overthrowing the country.
It's thanks to this and Kiheitai demonstrating Bansai's final words that Takasugi wakes up. He isn't a hero fighting to protect the country, he was just an ordinary person who has to live for his present - the Kiheitai who has always been chasing after him, not to achieve their ambitions that just proved pointless at the end.
The reason Bansai is the one capable of seeing Kiheitai for what it really is is probably because of what Takasugi saw in him when they met. Takasugi only chose to recruit Bansai at the start, whereas he showed disappointment in Henpeita's half-heartedness and straight up turned Matako away. Both of the latter two had given up on fully living as themselves, and Takasugi encouraged them to find their proper answers instead of relying on him and didn't deem them as strong enough to follow down his road with such fragile resolve--But Bansai didn't give up.
Bansai was still chasing after his desire to protect the country and it's people until the very end. He didn't have the eyes of someone who gave up and wanted to end things in the best way possible like Henpeita. Bansai was doing everything he can to protect as many as he could (Matako and the imprisoned Joui rebels, probably even placing a bet that Takasugi could bring about a miracle in the prison).
That's probably why Bansai didn't close his eyes entirely to the present-day Edo and the ideals they all live by. He's still chasing after the country he wants to protect, and there was no absolutely certainty Takasugi's methods were the answer. In the end, he finds his answer in the heroes that are powered not by the dead, but by the people who follow them (Joui 4). And he is capable of seeing that heroic spirit that should be in Takasugi, and how his sights should be on the Kiheitai that is chasing after him, and not the dead of the past.
For such a strong-headed guy who wanted to protect his country so strongly, Takasugi couldn't let Bansai's life go to waste to a country that forsake his efforts. Not when Takasugi knows the pain of trampling over corpses, and the country they were willing to put down their lives for wouldn't even carry that burden alongside them. Even if Takasugi himself didn't know where he was going, he was willing to put his trust in a miracle somewhere along the way - as long as he could protect these people.
For these people who were willing to put their lives down in the name of justice in a country that didn't even care about them, Takasugi refused to let them lose their precious lives that way. He spares Henpeita because of this, but also decides against recruiting him because he wouldn't drag down someone who still had a chance at living a normal life. Bansai was already at the stage of idiocy where he couldn't be saved anymore, so instead of leaving him to die for that meaningless cause, Takasugi recruits him. Because he was planning to fight till the very end for a miracle, and that was a better cause than the country for people who were willing to throw their lives away. Even if it was just blind confidence.
And because of this, Henpeita reaches out to Takasugi again, that the miracle he wants to bet on to keep living was Takasugi himself, instead of a normal life. Matako also proves that the same miracle she would bet her life on at a young age was Takasugi by joining them on the battlefield.
This was the Kiheitai Takasugi intended - a place that only had idiots and nobodies who would die for their justice, and he wouldn't let their deaths be wasted on the country that wouldn't honour their spirit.
(Because Takasugi detests himself for having forsaken his comrades' deaths, because he would have forsaken their wishes to save Shouyou for his own wish of being with Gintoki. So he takes it up on himself to make amends even as a dead person walking. I'm sorry I have to include so much Takagin, I have to emphasize why Takasugi cares so much about honouring people's lives.)
For that Takasugi, Bansai tells him that Kiheitai are always right behind him. Even if he's lost everything, as long as those eyes have something they are headed towards, Kiheitai will follow suit. Because they chose to follow Takasugi, and at some point found a home in each other. So they would fight to protect that home, instead of the country that they knew they've already lost their place in but still foolishly have the heart to want to protect.
So their deaths would never be wasted. Of course, he's free to make amends by sacrificing himself, but that's only at the very end after he's achieved whatever he was seeking.
But ultimately, it would've been better if they could all live normally in this home they found. As Bansai fights to the very end, he remembers that he and Henpeita resolved to die for the sake of a hero who could change the country. But now he's fighting for the sake of going back to the peaceful times where they can finally start facing each Takasugi for who he really is: their friend.
Because Bansai knows now, what spurred them on wasn't their ambitions to make a miracle to happen - it was the place they all found in Kiheitai.
(Also, I love how Bansai and Shinpachi have such strong parallels. Their shared connection with Otsu, Gintoki and Takasugi saving the other, Bansai protecting Shinpachi. It feels like the two of them share a strong love for the home that raised them, and Shinpachi may have ended up like Bansai had he been older and lost everything.
I wish I could've seen them spending more time together, Shinpachi may have been able to wake Bansai up to face the present before it was too late as it is in canon...)
Shinsuke Takasugi Character Discussion PART 2 - Putting a Name to the Irrationality, that is Love
A continuation of Part 1. Be sure to read that first and the warnings if you're interested! Heavy, I say HEAVY Takagin.
To further nail in how important Gintoki is to Takasugi as a reason to live, what wakes Takasugi up from his coma is Matako's tears. Her tears reminded him of hazy memories of the sky crying, how those tears were coming from someone who was trying to be strong, and he hates it. Because of that, he has to wake up, live and do something about it.
And in his dying breath we hear at his most honest that Gintoki's tears have haunted him all this time. Pretty much implying the above monologue was about Gintoki's tears.
(This was probably my favourite moment in Gintama ever. This is probably the first time someone wanted Gintoki to smile, and not Gintoki fighting for someone else's smile.)
It isn't only about wanting to win against Gintoki. It's also about wanting him to be happy, and to not have to suffer all alone. Takasugi's form of love may have taken the form of power first due to his violent upbringing, but the more time they spent together being just humans, that love probably became more human too, morphing into what love really is. Wanting your loved one to be happy, and to be the closest to their everything, whether it be their happiness or their suffering.
And once again, on Rakuyo, as if to nail it in isn't Shoyo he was obsessed with but Gintoki - Takasugi displays an unwavering determination to kill Utsuro because he created this rotten world (hint: that made Gintoki cry). He is easily able to separate Shoyo and Utsuro, unlike Oboro. Even though Shoyo gave his life up for Takasugi to live, and Takasugi should have felt as responsible and guilty for it as Oboro does about his own sin.
Back to their clash in Iga - if you've forgotten, my interpretation here was Takasugi begging an answer for his irrationality of choosing Gintoki over Shoyo. After calling Takasugi out for projecting when he wasn't the one who killed Shoyo in the first place, Gintoki clarifies why he made the 'choice', that it wasn't a choice in the first place but something he was doing out of duty as a student of Shoka Sonjuku. This reinforces how his actions still follow Shoka Sonjuku's principles, and stating the obvious shows how Gintoki can see that Takasugi was afraid of losing his place in Shoka Sonjuku because of his irrationality. Gintoki allows Takasugi to escape from that irrationality by spelling out his own reasons to him. Seeing a rational, honourable reason for Takasugi to be 'chosen' over all the corpses they ran over for Shoyo, Takasugi can finally say "I haven't been expelled, after all" in relief. Because he would have chosen Gintoki over Shoyo, too, and it can be rationalized.
Instead of dragging out and accepting those emotions as Takasugi's path the same way Shoyo would have done, Gintoki does what he knows best - straightforwardly taking on Takasugi's anger and making it about himself. This manages to quell Takasugi's anger at himself, his irrationality, by letting him escape through Gintoki's more honourable reasoning for choosing him, and this peels the fake layer off Takasugi: not being able to forgive himself for irrationally choosing Gintoki over Shoyo.
It is only through Kiheitai that Takasugi finds the true skin that is his true self: an undying, strong love to live for one person. Because Takasugi never grew up with a loving family, the concept of love never came naturally to him. Now that Gintoki has lifted the confusion that blinded him and threatened to take his home in Shoka Sonjuku away, the world becomes clearer to Takasugi - just exactly what it was he was angry at the world for (hint: Gintoki's tears). As Bansai remarks on the look on Takasugi's face after Gintoki's words in Iga:
And with those eyes more focused on the present and the true anger that drives him to destruction, he finally notices how blindly Kiheitai clings to a leader who couldn't actually do anything for them, who simply enticed them with sweet words that came from a place of nihilistic destruction and gave them a delusion of certainty. How raking up their corpses in his fit of despair and rage only increased the burden on Takasugi's shoulders, because this isn't what he wanted. He wanted destruction, but it was as the solution to the tragedy he had to witness, to forgive himself for betraying his ideals and to quell the anger he couldn't put a name to (hint: at himself and Gintoki's tears). Instead, his actions only led to more demise and tragedy. Now that the self-hatred he directed at Gintoki was gone, Takasugi was fighting with the anger he couldn't place a finger on, and with such ambiguity, the burden of these corpses become too heavy for him to bear. But Kiheitai's unwavering loyalty at a pathetic, terrible person like him is what pushes him forward, for their sake, and all these piled up emotions make him realize too late--
--He had always been running away from himself. The loyalty Kiheitai he thought was only reserved for the Takasugi who gathered them together with his charisma, stayed on even for the Takasugi who lost sight of a purpose. There was something even the Takasugi had that keeps people spurring on - just being him - and because these people clearly loved him, he wanted to respond.
Now that he was properly attuned to the emotions of the people in his present, it grants him a clarity of mind to face the past as a human too, not as a detached hero focused on achieving a single goal for a delusion of certainty. This is his true battlefield, as much as it is Enshou's.
What he wanted as a hero would have been to save Shoyo for Gintoki and everyone's sake. But what he wanted as human, all this time, was to be the closest to the person most precious to him, the person who gave him a reason to live in a world that meant nothing to him--Gintoki. Just like how he gave Kiheitai a reason to live.
And his anger to destroy the world all came from his anger at witnessing Gintoki's tears. Not Shoyo's death, not Gintoki's irrationality--the anger was all born from his own powerlessness at not being able to do anything for that mysterious cloudy sky. He already never understood Gintoki's burden and pain as a child, and that distance between them only grows and grows. Gintoki was now more alone than ever, and Takasugi was running away from his desire to keep chasing after him and be there for him, because it felt like there was no longer a way to do that anymore. At the start, Takasugi could focus on Shoyo and protecting him to feel close to Gintoki, but now that he was gone, it felt like there was nothing he could do to be closer to Gintoki's heart anymore. Even if Gintoki has found a 'place' in Edo, it didn't mean the man crying from the past, whose stupid face was etched into his left eye, had stopped suffering. The pain was still there, yet Gintoki lives as if it never existed and surrounds himself with the comfortable smiles and laughter which that broken man could never possibly muster. It was too unfair. To that unfair world, Takasugi wished to destroy it all.
But now that Takasugi knows he just wants Gintoki to not suffer alone, he can think clearer. What it is that he has to do and see through till the end. How he wants to protect what Gintoki cherishes - just like he was focused on Shoyo in the past, but this time also facing the man Gintoki Sakata truly is: an idiot who loves the world no matter how much it hurt him. So, Takasugi uses himself to get rid of Utsuro to protect the world Gintoki loves, and through that, stopping him from having to point a sword at Shoyo ever again.
On Takasugi's deathbed, these feelings clearly reach Gintoki. This time, Gintoki wasn't cutting someone down to protect things others held dear - he was cutting someone down because that someone wanted to protect the things Gintoki held dear. (edit: gintoki only realizes this after takasugi admits it was for him, though)
Even though both Shoyo and Takasugi smile at Gintoki before he cuts them down, Gintoki can only smile back at Shoyo, but isn't able to muster that smile with Takasugi.
Takasugi's feelings to be by Gintoki's side are reciprocated just as much by Gintoki. It's just that Gintoki can't express it, because he has lived his life finding meaning in protecting others. To the point that even his decision to cut Shoyo down wasn't from a place of emotional attachment, but rather wanting to protect what Shoyo held dear. This is why Gintoki isn't as burdened by his emotions and self-hatred as Takasugi is, because he lives on through the emotions of other people who love him. That is his purpose of living, as someone who was born with nothing from the start and had to survive on his own with no future in sight by scavenging. It was people that filled his empty heart that he was born with.
But the person who filled it the most was undoubtedly Takasugi before Yorozuya came along. Takasugi was chasing after that void of a human more than anyone. Always wanting to win against him, no matter how much Gintoki beat him down. As much as the words 'come back tomorrow' were important to Takasugi, those words were just as important to Gintoki. Shoyo was home, but just like Otose is home now for Gintoki - both of them were the guiding figures who led him to find a forever place to belong - Takasugi and Yorozuya, both of whom will be chasing him forever. No matter how far he grows from them and himself by devoting himself to protecting people. Like how parents are home to their children, but it is that unconditional loving, safe home that lets children grow and find the love that will be their purpose of living.
Gintoki can smile cutting down Shoyo because he knows he would have successfully protected what Shoyo held dear. Cutting down Takasugi on the other hand, wasn't protecting anything. There was no reason for Takasugi to do this - he could have just died peacefully, knowing very well Gintoki would definitely kill Utsuro and protect Kiheitai in his stead no matter what. But this steadfast idiot still had to come along and die by his hands. He could've just died out of his sight, damn it.
And then he admits, he couldn't leave Gintoki alone to suffer on his own again. Takasugi coming back to life and dying was all to make sure Gintoki wouldn't have to suffer too much by killing his teacher again while protecting the world as Gintoki wants to.
If Gintoki didn't care for having Takasugi by his side to the same extent, I personally think Gintoki would have just been more angry that he had to cruelly cut down someone whose feelings and motivations weren't returned. Takasugi could have done this for someone else's sake like Kiheitai, not him, and it'd have been requited love - but no. Gintoki doesn't even think of these things because it's requited between them. Gintoki wants Takasugi to get closer to his true, empty heart. One of his biggest happinesses was just being with Takasugi after all, as he says himself--
But this idiot had to go and get himself be killed by Gintoki. Yet Gintoki smiles, because those feelings from Takasugi were as clear as day - for Gintoki to not suffer alone, to be happy as always, and Gintoki had to respond to that as he always does to all of Takasugi's challenges.
Although the person who was probably closest to Gintoki than anyone was gone, Takasugi's death was probably what made the most peace with the suffering Gintoki has gone through until now and reached the far away Gintoki more than anyone ever could. Especially because it ended in his death, Takasugi showed Gintoki how adamant he was that Gintoki didn't suffer alone, how important it is to him that Gintoki is happy. Edo accepts and loves the Gintoki in the present as he is, but it is Takasugi, Shinpachi and Kagura who chase and love Gintoki as a whole. Takasugi's choice to sacrifice himself conveyed how it was important to someone in this world that Gintoki was wholly happy. If the past hurts, it hurts, but because Gintoki refuses to share the burden with anyone else and simply keep living protecting the present, Takasugi will selfishly share Gintoki's burden and protect his happiness as a whole.
I think this ending was such a perfect wrap for Gintama and Gintoki's character arc, giving so much closure to the heavy past he carries on his shoulders through pure, obsessive love that was sloppily conveyed. The sloppy nature of it is befitting for Gintama.
Although death scenes are sad, I thought Takasugi's death scene was the only possible moment of happiness for two idiots who couldn't express their emotions well. Both are satisfied - Takasugi being able to finally do something for the person he loves, Gintoki being loved by someone who is no longer living through him but is his own person now. No more cryptic talk about alter-egos, the you who is me - just stop making that stupid face, I won't let you run away again, wait for me in hell.
This was really difficult to write and explain, but for now this is what makes sense to me about Takasugi and his relationship with Gintoki. I'm still keeping my eyes peeled for an alternative interpretation, because the relationship between two men can't possibly be this romantically implied in a Shounen Jump series. I'll be sure share any future interpretations I can come up with as I rewatch the show again, because it really is a bold, weird move to base someone's character entirely on love lol.
Shinsuke Takasugi Character Discussion PART 1 - Putting a Name to the Irrationality, that is Love
I recently finished watching Gintama and I really, really needed to talk about my current opinions on Takasugi's character. I'm absolutely blown away by the writing that I really, really need to put into words my emotions about it.
Warnings:
I think there are many ways to interpret Takasugi's dialogue given how ambiguous his choice of words tend to be. This is just my own personal interpretation that hits me best.
THIS INTERPRETATION HEAVILY IMPLIES TAKAGIN. Gintoki has always obviously been the most strongly connected to Takasugi's character. Platonic or romantic, I don't think there will be someone they can come to love more than each other. I know, implying a romance in a Shounen Jump series that's normally queerphobic? But it just makes sense to me (//shot).
Takasugi's attachment is pretty much obvious and evident from the very start, with how deranged he had become from the tragedy of the war and was acting out so as to not let go of Shoyo to live an ordinary life. It's interesting to note how Katsura was swayed by Gintoki to change his ways, but Takasugi wasn't. His childhood does somewhat explain why: until he met Shoyo, he seemingly had not a single thing to live for. As compared to Katsura who was loved by his grandmother, Takasugi was born with nothing - his parents were abusive and willing to kick him out at such a young age. It's no surprise he became unapologetically rebellious, while Katsura found his way as the Runaway Kotaro thanks to his grandmother. But because the meaning of life was so intertwined with bushido, that his parents would have loved him if he was a Samurai, a path was something Takasugi couldn't live without.
So meeting Shoyo, who saw him as a Samurai for the lost punk he was, was like being told there already is meaning - a bushido - in his present impulses. Their repeated encounters and exchanges cemented Takasugi's place at Shoka Sonjuku, and it makes sense for Takasugi to become attached to Shoyo who gave him that home. But as we hear more and more from Takasugi's perspective and his realizations with Kiheitai, it made me feel there was a distinction between his feelings for Shoyo and Gintoki - it wasn't Shoyo he was obsessed with, it was Gintoki. Gintoki represents the vague path he found as a Samurai.
And Shouyou's values simply allowed for that half-hearted, meaningless path.
When you're in the deepest depths of despair, as shown in many instances in Gintama, the love that pushes you forward is from the people who want the best for you. In Katsura's first taste of despair from losing his family, it was his grandmother's love for him that kept him going despite being ostracized for his status. But there was no one like that in Takasugi's life for him to keep going, which is why Katsura's criticism on how Takasugi was 'ungrateful for his chance at a good education' stands out. Takasugi only knew how to use his body to fight and gain power - likely from his hostile, unforgiving home environment where one would have to dissociate to cope - that it was the only thing he took seriously in life. But there was no name for that obsession. And for that Takasugi who couldn't think about anything else other than becoming powerful, Gintoki was the first and only one to respond to that violent spirit.
As much as any other child, Takasugi wanted to be loved, but because he grew up in a hostile environment, he knew nothing about expressing emotions normally. And so that desire translated into physically acting out as reason would only further harm you in a toxic environment. In Takasugi's depths of despair where the only thing he knew was to grow stronger and stronger, Gintoki was there, refusing to lose to him, even telling him to come back after his first victory when all other kids just ridiculed him. For the first time, Takasugi wasn't alone. And this stays true even in the present: Gintoki knows he has to stay strong for Takasugi to keep taking his anger on until he stops.
Naturally, when you find someone important to you, you want to be closer to them emotionally, you want to mean something to them. But the problem is that Takasugi's only way of expressing emotions is through violence, and Gintoki is probably the least open person when it comes to his own emotions. Because of this, although their scores were already matching up, Takasugi still felt as if he was chasing after him. So, more than anyone, Takasugi cared about the one thing Gintoki clearly held close to his heart: Shoyo. This is evident in how even on the brink of death, Takasugi made it a point to make Gintoki to promise to save Shoyo no matter what, even if it meant running over his corpse.
And when Takasugi takes out his anguish on Gintoki over Gintoki's 'choice' to pick Takasugi over Shoyo despite everything, not a single word is mentioned about Shoyo's emotions - all of his venting is just questioning why over and over again, focusing more on how the choice didn't make any sense.
The answer should have always been clear, that it was because Shoyo wanted to protect his disciples and Gintoki simply upheld this. Even Oboro tells it straight to their faces that their teacher granted them their lives. Katsura never seemed to ever question Gintoki's choice himself probably because it was too obvious. But Takasugi couldn't see it for some reason, and it bothers him so much from just not understanding why. This further goes to show how important understanding every fibre of Gintoki's being is to Takasugi.
And Gintoki is more aware than Takasugi of the very reason why Takasugi can't see it - because, in Gintoki's shoes, Takasugi would have done the same, but is unable to discern the reason why he would do such an irrational thing (hint: because he doesn't understand love, duh). This means a lack of self-discipline that doesn't follow Shoka Sonjuku's teachings and he is apparently no longer living by Shoyo's values. It's always been important for Takasugi to be a Samurai in some right. So as punishment for abandoning Shoka Sonjuku's teachings, he would have to kill the very person his body wanted to protect more than his teacher who was the rational choice. And Gintoki knows, because it's probably easy to tell when someone is obsessed with you.
Even in the very first episode Takasugi appears in the entire anime, his criticism of Gintoki's 'carefree' lifestyle reflects the lack of self-discipline he believes he has too. If he chose to kill Shoyo, he wouldn't have anything honourable to fight for anymore, and it would leave an even more bitter taste to live a carefree life on top of all the corpses he piled up after he abandoned their original goal of saving Shoyo. Takasugi hates that his choice would mean trampling over the dead bodies of his comrades. And seeing Gintoki live a peaceful life despite that 'selfishness' further fuels Takasugi's bloodlust to motivate his own self-punishment, despite also wanting him alive.
These beliefs Takasugi projected onto Gintoki actually come to fruition when Bansai is killed. Now that Takasugi is no longer blinded by his self-hatred, he can clearly see the corpses of the comrades who believed in him that he's been stepping on to get this far on his half-heartedness. Takasugi is the type who strongly wants what he wants (Gintoki, translated in wanting to win against him), but is also an emotional person who strongly cares about people - so walking down his selfish path is difficult with no scapegoat (Shoyo) to justify the horrible consequences to other people or another emotion to blind him from realizing it (self-hatred). As Bansai says, Takasugi is a weak man who anguishes about the corpses that pile up underneath him. Of course it haunted him thinking his body would selfishly save Gintoki instead of Shoyo in that moment and abandon the wishes of all the corpses of his comrades (supporting Takasugi to save Shoyo). Not only was he dishonouring Shoyo's values, he was also abandoning the people who believed in him.
This explains why Takasugi couldn't move on from the past like Gintoki and Katsura did. Katsura can be swayed by Gintoki because he knows nothing will bring back the dead and the best thing to do is to move on for their sake. Takasugi can't be swayed even knowing this, because of the self-hatred that whispers in his ears that he would never be doing enough to honour the souls of his fallen comrades and Shoyo. And it is a self-hatred born from witnessing Gintoki's 'choice', a constant reminder that he would choose Gintoki's life over Shoyo. When that wasn't what his fallen comrades or maybe even Shoyo (because they've come all this way for his life) would have wanted.
And in their next encounter on Rakuyo, Gintoki seems to even straight up joke about Takasugi's obsession with him. Cryptically, of course:
Gintoki did nothing to save Takasugi's life in Rakuyo, it was all Kiheitai. So in other words, it may not even be about their current situation, Gintoki is insulting Takasugi as a whole - Takasugi needs to rely on Gintoki's existence to have a reason to live, as Kiheitai sees him. This is because Gintoki was the light in his despair, like he was to Kiheitai (Spoiler: Kiheitai helps him see himself of course). And that is what torments him as he has to come to gripes with the lives he's willing to put aside for Gintoki.
Continued in Part 2 because Tumblr has an image limit. 😭
Tenma Siblings Discussion - How Saki Feels About Tsukasa, A Seflessness that Makes You Feel Undeserving
"But I'm not getting better at all... I'm ALWAYS troubling them, big brother, mom and everyone else...!"
Warnings:
Discusses JP dialogue from Smile of Dreamer, Hinamatsuri, Dazzling Lights, NSNF
HC territory as usual
HFD Tsukasa delusioner
I'm sorry but I was personally uncomfortable with what happened in Hinamatsuri, so this discussion helps justify Saki's behaviour. You may not like it if you thought Saki was entirely justified, sorry again!
In NSNF JP, I found the choice of wording interesting: first thinking about Tsukasa, then their mother, then delegating their father within the "and others".
From how she mentions him first, she seems to instinctively recognize Tsukasa as being the one most affected that she has to miss out. Moreso than their parents who are the ones logistically impacted, which probably shows their parents did a good job of not making her feel like a burden. This small detail and mention of Tsukasa in NSNF, as well as using the same flashback period as Dazzling Lights, implies Saki has always known how much Tsukasa focuses on her and how her wellbeing strongly affects him.
In NSNF, she's shown to be able to generally recall events, but not the strong emotions she experienced in them. So of course she can easily say 'Tsukasa has always cared for her', but it doesn't mean it is properly nailed in. She seemed to show a lack of awareness of this in Hinamatsuri, with how she never thought her forced smile would affect him to such an extent and how she only mentions Tsukasa's loneliness in passing. She also acts rather strangely in Hinamatsuri - she quickly snaps at her brother despite being very well aware of how he will always act in favour of her happiness. We see in unit story that Saki would never get angry at a loved one even if they hurt her (Honami), yet she doesn't think twice before getting angry at Tsukasa.
This is what leads me to HC that perhaps, her feelings towards the part she plays in Tsukasa's happiness are suppressed too. Because she can't just be "okay" to be happy on her own, she also would never be "okay" enough to not make her brother sad. It makes her happy to feel so valued, but with how she is, there's nothing she can do for him in return, not even just be happy and fine. Perhaps this is why she feels urged to have to smile even when she feels like crying from happiness, so she can give something back to her brother. Or even, maybe she cries because she can't do anything for him in return, yet he gives her so much and makes her feel so loved when she feels worthless. There's inevitably that feeling she doesn't deserve him, that perhaps she may even feel like he's going to leave her someday because she can't give anything to him.
You'd think that after being cared for so much, Saki would want to repay it twice as much now that she's able to. But she doesn't, and instead has him doing favours for her (buying her things). It's just easier and feels better to go about your day as if everything's always been normal that way instead of face all the pain from the past and try to make up for it. Plus, feelings in the past don't change that easily - just like how her self-hatred still stays strong enough for her to compose the powerful song in NSNF, her helplessness towards her brother won't just disappear. It instead manifests in turning a blind eye to it and simply continuing the way her past self has: just being carefree and happy and keeping up with trends, just like how she deals with her own self-hatred.
If Saki stops playing the role of the smiling sister, and instead goes all-out to do more for her brother, to return all the love he's shown her - it means having to face that helplessness and how she feels undeserving of Tsukasa's presence in her life. Not only will it make Saki feel less of a sister, it will further ruin their siblinghood when it was built upon such a one-sided foundation. She knows a normal brother isn't supposed to be this way (Smile of Dreamer side story), that everything Tsukasa has done till today truly makes Tsukasa the 'best brother in the world'. But the 'best' is all it will amount to, because thinking anymore beyond that will destroy their bond.
Before it was with the tattered Hina dolls, and now we see Tsukasa going the extra mile again to buy Saki the new Hina dolls. I don't want to think she's naive: it's obvious from first glance Tsukasa spent money to buy all those dolls for her, and she knows from all these years of growing up with him that her brother is always well-intentioned: he will always act for her happiness, Saki knows. But now she has more she has to return for him.
So Saki could have uncharacteristically lost her temper because Tsukasa's actions had exacerbated her suppressed feelings of helplessness towards him. She doesn't want to lose him if he keeps doing more than she can possibly return to him. Saki isn't the type to lose control over her emotions to the point of saying such hurtful things to someone she cares and loves - NSNF demonstrates this that she will keep things inside if she thinks it will hurt other people, even if it's painful. Such a habit doesn't easily die off. That's why this HC suggests that Tsukasa's actions may have triggered her somehow. In the first place, Tsukasa was throwing away something that Saki cherished as a way of appreciating his strong love for her - Tsukasa was belittling her own efforts to return everything he's done for her. If she already doesn't feel anything is enough, it's bound to be triggering.
Her suppressed helplessness and self-hatred does seem to lead her to act irrationally against her own will. She wants her loved ones to be happy, but she also has her own needs of companionship that she can't meet because of the way she was born. There's that contradiction that forces her to keep smiling and make jokes but also want to control others. She rags on herself for being born different, begs people not to leave her no matter what and expresses a desire for everyone to just disappear so she can finally have everything she wants: a world where she isn't left alone (/because no one is there) and everyone (/no one) is happy.
It may have been a budget issue, but the writers also made the choice not to have Tsukasa appear in NSNF Episode 7, despite how he's the one who gave Saki the belief that 'tomorrow will be fun', which is exactly what served as Saki's light in NSNF. And it's strong enough of a feeling that in Hinamatsuri's side story, Saki feels comforted seeing the light from his door at night, which reminds her she won't be alone in the hospital at this time of the year again, and that she can sleep soundly and safely think tomorrow will indeed be fun and not another day of being isolated. Yet he doesn't appear in NSNF to serve as one of the lights in her darkness.
Personally, it seems right to me that he doesn't appear in NSNF. It just feels out of place and ingenuine. I guess it's because I don't feel like any of Tsukasa's bonds feel real because of how he's lacking his own self so much. Saki's own feelings towards him, as I describe here, explain why it doesn't feel real: being too selfless and self-sacrificial makes it difficult for someone to love you back: instead, you become someone they feel they don't deserve. I honestly find it... sad, when it was something he worked so hard for as a child. It makes sense why Tsukasa believes he always makes Saki sad, when it can be possibly true with how he cares far too much about her that it troubles her.
Haruka & Tsukasa Character Discussion - HFD: The Joy of Being Someone Else, Someone Who Makes Everyone Smile
I've been feeling like talking about Haruka and Tsukasa for the longest time... The intentions behind Project Sekai's writing still does confuse me, but I decided to take a personal approach as to what Haruka and Tsukasa mean to me.
Warning:
There will be HCs to fill in gaps
Spoilers up to BURN MY SOUL.
Mentions of ED
I am using my own experience with HFD to explain Haruka and Tsukasa's character
Messy. IT'S SO HARD TO TALK ABOUT PROSEKA CHARACTERS!!
Edit: Felt compelled to add more. I also just found out that it may be more appropriately called dysthymia?
The desire to become someone else is an ongoing theme in Project Sekai, an emotion insecure characters like Ichika and Akito have. I feel like it's very easy to see in both their characters - Ichika is definitely most obvious, Akito takes a little tiny bit of psycho-analysis but his commissions scream obvious. The two characters I feel these emotions are very prominent in as well, but aren't clearly shown are Haruka and Tsukasa, and I want to discuss this because of how interesting I find it to be.
Haruka's desire to become 'someone else' really only became crystal clear in That Day's Dream. The story made it very obvious with how she wished she could be like the Smiling Princess as a child. As for Tsukasa, that desire has ironically always been crystal clear in his claims to "Future Star". What these two share in common is that neither of them seem to be insecure. But... if you're able to tell Akito is insecure from how hard he pushes himself because he can't reach his goal - it's really the same with Haruka and Tsukasa, they are extremely hard on themselves when they can't deliver hope/become a star (Haruka's rehabilitation, Sky's Edge). It just isn't as obvious as Akito's because they are both capable of becoming that 'someone else': they don't have to push themselves to the brink of death like Akito to be stopped and realize an alternative: that you have your own light. (Haruka is slowly realizing it... not Tsukasa)
Haruka and Tsukasa's feelings to "become someone else" seem to come from a similar place: not being able to make their loved ones happy as children. Haruka as a child laments making her mother sad, whereas Tsukasa has once said in passing in Hinamatsuri that he always makes Saki sad. It's completely normal to let people down from time to time, but both Haruka and Tsukasa express a desire of wanting to make sure this never happens again (Haruka as a child working on her smile, Tsukasa trying to buy Hina dolls). We see this sense of responsibility in their present again and again: Haruka being extremely hard on herself for accidentally hurting Mai, Tsukasa continuously criticizing himself for his mistake in unit story. It's like it's unacceptable for them to make mistakes, even when it's not entirely their fault nor responsibility (Mai should have stopped herself, Nene and Rui were the ones who made the mistake in the first place and anyone serious about it would have gotten angry). This sense of responsibility is what's hurting them, but the question is: where did it come from? Why is it so strong?
We don't know, so it's theory zone here. Haruka's monotonousness as a child and her few facial expressions at present (when off-stage) to me seems like a general difficulty to feel positive emotions strongly. I like to think this is genetic, linked to high-functioning depression (HFD) and/or anxiety. Further evidence of this is in how Haruka randomly expresses discomfort being in crowds as a child, and how her parents have to check if she's fine with walking more - we see a bunch of negative emotions amplified with child Haruka, even in the present-day where she's the one who constantly worries for MMJ. Haruka is more capable of expressions when on stage as an idol, and to me that's because she's acting as someone cute who makes everyone smile. Perceiving something as 'cute' fills us with a pure sense of happiness. As someone who suffers from HFD, I feel happiest when I can make other people happy, with the things I love. I know I enjoy them, but I cannot feel it strongly. But when I create something out of the things I enjoy, and someone else enjoys it - it elates me beyond anything. As if your dull emotions reached someone who feels it strongly in your stead... It gives you a reason to work hard and live your life to the fullest and nothing else can make you that happy to look forward to the next day. I'm inclined to believe this is what makes Haruka feel so strongly responsible for others, she lives for them and wants to deliver only the best hope for them.
But having HFD also means you've suppressed the pain that comes with dulled emotions, that it becomes the norm to suppress other pains too to keep meeting expectations of the people you live for. It's where I think her ED stems from, and why she herself isn't fully aware of all the pain that comes with her perfect lifestyle in Break Time - because she's suppressed it all.
As for Tsukasa, it's more ambiguous. There are tons of theories with how little we still know about him - but this is one way to look at it at an angle of HFD. Most kids in his position wouldn't be as empathetic with being neglected for their sickly sibling, and children don't have empathy at a young age - we see how Rui couldn't understand why his classmates were afraid and how An gets angry when she doesn't get attention. Tsukasa demonstrates emotonal maturity at a young age, being able to just accept the situation without throwing a tantrum about why it has to be that way (so far). On top of that, he also has the emotional clarity to see that Saki is lonely and that she has to continuously force her smile. It again stems from emotional maturity - always putting himself in the other's shoes: in Hinamatsuri, instead of fixating on how hurt he was from the fall, he thinks more about how Saki must be sad about having to see the dolls she longed for all dirtied up like that.
But just how is he able to be this... easily selfless, without harbouring any spite for having to neglect his own desires? Once again, my HC is that this has to do with being born with HFD, that spending time with his family doesn't spark that much joy for him to get strongly upset over. But what he does express is a desire not to be left alone for too long, a primitive human emotion, but only to himself. But even with this loneliness, he prioritizes the emotions of his family. Because they're all having a hard time, what he can do is make them happy. Shows gave him his answer: becoming a star like Amami would let him give the best smile to his family and friends. He naturally wants to entertain them as much as that show excited them so they didn't have to keep suffering, and stardom was the answer to that.
For Tsukasa, this is the reason why he must be at Amami's level no matter what. He views this as the only way for him to deliver the best possible smile, to fulfil his life's purpose. As I said, with HFD you live for people - your life's purpose is to make other people happy with what you enjoy. Tsukasa didn't think much about the performance in the prologue, but he does note how just singing and dancing made everyone smile, which could be a hint to what about shows he enjoys (like how Haruka finds idols cute). But I think he's also been heavily misled to think being the top star is the only way - because, why not just be a star in your own right, as Tsukasa Tenma and not having anything to do with Seiichi Amami?
A notable difference about Haruka and Tsukasa's discoveries of their dreams is how they were introduced to it. Haruka was invited on stage as her own idol, Tsukasa was an audience. Haruka can be her own idol, whereas Tsukasa lacks this reference point of himself. And another difference is how their families treat their dreams - Tsukasa's family seem to view it as just an odd trait of his, whereas Haruka's parents took it very seriously when she expressed her desire to become an idol. In fact, Haruka's mother's words were probably most important in making sure Haruka remembered that she would always, always, always be enough as herself:
"Yeah. Because Haruka's smile... is the cutest in the world!"
It's Haruka's smile that's the cutest in the world to her beloved mother, and not just on stage. Wherever it was that Haruka was smiling, wherever it was that she found her happiness, it'd be the cutest for her mother. Her mother wants her to smile, to be happy, to remember idolhood is for her own happiness above all. Whereas for Tsukasa, his family was smiling at the star in front of them, not him. His own performance won't make anyone happy.
It doesn't change that Haruka is hard on herself though. Habits of taking on too much responsibility for the only thing you care about don't die easily, and the idol world is tough... But she has people who care about her, who were there for her when she was at her worst, and now she has MMJ. There's also the difference of how Haruka wants to be seen as a normal schoolgirl, whereas Tsukasa is always in future star mode and has never expressed a desire to be normal. Haruka can probably cling onto her normal self after quitting idolhood and not feel overly responsible about letting people down, because she knows it's just right that her real, non-idol self should be loved too. But for Tsukasa, this common sense doesn't exist, not when he isn't convinced that him just being there, being normal is enough to make Saki happy (Hinamatsuri):
Saki: "W-Wait, onii-chan! It's fine to be more normal about it! Icchan and the others will get surprised!
Tsukasa: "I-Is that so?"
Saki: "It is! Besides, it's enough fun with you just being here with me!"
Tsukasa: "Just being with me makes you have fun... That is indeed something only a star can do!"
Saki: "Ahahaha..."
This common sense doesn't exist because his upbringing has taught him that only through stardom will he be accepted and loved normally. Because he couldn't give anyone a smile when he was just himself, but they all smiled at the star - this is who he has to be in order for people to love him and so he can bring happiness to them. Unlike Haruka's parents who made it a point to show her how her own happiness is what makes them happy. And no one thinks there's anything wrong with Tsukasa's pursuits because he seems to be having fun, but he can only really have fun because of the false sense of security and belonging that the title of 'future star' creates for him. That we see the excruciating pain he goes through when suddenly, that dream of becoming a star seems to be impossible.
Because his parents never seemed to take his dream seriously like Haruka's (which is possibly the reason she was able to become an idol so early), Tsukasa has to work on the stardom he desperately wants on his own with no guidance since childhood. There's no reference point other than the star on the TV, no teacher to help him shape his very own acting style, so he has to imitate all of the star's mannerisms to get closer to them. It's similar to Minori, but because she was pursuing idolhood out of her own passion for it there wasn't as much pressure to get there quickly and do it right. But for Tsukasa, being a proper star is the only place he thinks he'll be happy in - a place he can finally make people smile and for the happiness he brings them to colour his dull world and save him, like how Haruka was saved with idolhood (HFD tingz). Unfortunately, that proper path was closed off from the beginning for him, because of the lack of parenting.
Minori once viewed idolhood as being just like Haruka, until her first live made her realize how idolhood was about working hard and shining as yourself over naively yearning to be someone you admire. Haruka always knew this because of how she was introduced to idolhood in way of 'you can be an idol, too!'. Tsukasa only seems to be realizing that now: his obsession with colouring his dull world with stardom made him not see how he as a person, his own emotions, has a role in achieving it as well. He can't just be a copy of others. As we can see from how he currently has a hard time grasping deeply emotional roles, it isn't far-off to deduce that his continuous emotional suppression, learning-from-imitation and lack of focus on self have hampered his ability to feel emotions purely as himself, and instead understands emotions from other people's perspectives - reflected in his empathy as a child.
Sky's Edge portrays Tsukasa's soul-crushing pain of being far away from the star of that day, of the impossibility of being that star, exactly because of how obsessed he is with stardom saving his dull, worthless days. The world became grey and colourless for Haruka when she suddenly became incapable of standing on the stage as an idol. But for Haruka... there was still a tiny bit of hope she can return to the stage by a miracle, because her own guilt was what was stopping her and her past proved that she always had the ability to. So more than permanent loss, it was frustration at being the way she was, how her own emotional weakness made the world became grey and made her unable to be an idol, when it was just... right... there. But MMJ showed her that it was fine to be that way, that she can still be an idol even as someone like that. Everyone has emotions, so she doesn't have to be hard on herself for it - share that pain with them, and then try again tomorrow.
Haruka's feelings in Painful Hope can be seen as a similar pain as the powerlessness and self-hatred that Tsukasa felt in Sky's Edge, but the difference is that Tsukasa doesn't have the hope she has. He never got a place on the stage as his ideal star before and now it's being shown to him how he will never get it because he may have reached his limit. Even though he tried so hard, getting past all the times he felt weak and wanted to give up - because something about him just wasn't enough (his emotions). It's as if it was all pointless. There's no proof to Tsukasa that his efforts were never pointless, like how Haruka's past successes prove to her. And this is all because Tsukasa never had the proper path to stardom in the first place, because his parents for some reason just didn't push him onto it despite how passionate he was.
But Tsukasa still reaches out, because he wants it and wants to be saved. Even the tiniest bit of hope that's there for his dream, he'll reach out for it. Just like Haruka did after she experienced her trauma on stage, until... it all felt impossible. Tsukasa seemed about ready to give up too at the end of Sky's Edge and just gave it his all, not expecting his performance to be any great but still wanting to try his best. Luckily for Tsukasa it worked, but for Haruka... it never did, until she met MMJ. But it may be better if things don't work out for Tsukasa at some point, like it was with Haruka - because it led her to meeting MMJ who taught her a happiness of not holding all her pain to herself anymore. Tsukasa and Haruka are humans, so getting too caught up pursuing an ideal without considering your own emotions is like rejecting your humanity, placing inhuman expectations on yourself. As If's lyrics goes, "A never-ending story? That's boring. I want to see a dawn that won't come 'forever'."
But... It may get very messy if stardom doesn't work out with Tsukasa, especially with his upbringing of 'not feeling loved as just himself'. Without stardom, Tsukasa will have nowhere to go. It will probably be a necessary mess at some point in the future so he can finally learn to embrace his humanity...
Maybe I'm biased, but with how Mafuyu and Touya have highly similar upbringings, maybe it's the same for the other SEKAI creator (Tsukasa) and Haruka. The difference does seem to be that the non-SEKAI creators were still loved. Even Touya by his own family, despite being wronged by them - he could tell his father was passionate, to the point he loved his father's music and he's still able to voice his complaints, but with Mafuyu it's just cold iciness. As if Touya can feel that his family will always care no matter how he expresses himself, whereas Mafuyu can feel that if she isn't the person her mother wants her to be, then she will lose the love her mother has for her (emotional manipulation...). And with Haruka and Tsukasa, this whole post details it - how Haruka's family's proper support is what has gotten her this far whereas Tsukasa's lack of it is what has led him astray.
If Mafuyu and Touya share 'winter' in their name, then Haruka and Tsukasa's relationship is in Tsukasa's use of the word 'haruka' in describing how far his dreams are 🤪
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 3/?
Fandom: Persona 5
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Note: There’s a longer list of tags and warnings in the link and in the first chapter!
This is my attempt at characterizing the narrative foils that I like to think that the Protagonist (Ren) and Akechi have. This is set at the end of the P5R canon, in a universe where reality has been warped without anyone’s knowledge - Sumire is the leader of the Phantom Thieves, and Ren is a figure skater who has just recently shot to popularity. Akechi awakens to the Velvet Train, alive and kicking, where he meets a long-nosed man, a child in a blue coat and a young man clad in prisoner garbs.
There are several concepts/HCs I’ve been wanting to explore in P5R with this fic:
1) Akechi learning to come to terms with his new reality after surviving, one where he has no more reason to live with Shido out of the picture, but also one where his past crimes can never be undone... or maybe, it’s another lie.
2) Ren’s life-long struggles with depression and the people around him (which I discuss here) and its link to my own fun HC of the origins of the Metaverse.
3) The Phantom Thieves’ resolve to face reality while holding close to their ideals, but how this leads them down a path of isolation and latching onto the familiar supernatural to achieve and affirm their unrealistic ideals.
There will be several romantic feelings/attraction outside of Akeshu, and it can get messy, including other people they find themselves experiencing attraction to. To me, the theme of sexuality is important in a coming-of-age story, so I wanted to explore my personal HCs of their sexualities to see how it can add to their characters (Ren being gay, Akechi being bisexual). But I really want this fic to comes across as more general and character-driven over romantic - it’s just that romanctic feelings do exist.
I’m not a great writer but I really enjoy seeing characters grow and develop for how this inspires me and hopefully others as well. I hope to be able to improve my writing skills by challenging myself to a fic like this!!
Joker (and Akechi) Character Discussion - Emptiness, Desire for Love and A Choice to Live Imprisoned
Warnings:
This is only based on P5R canon.
My evidence can be interpreted in many ways - this is just my own interpretation based on my own experiences.
This is from a Joker fan so I may be biased.
My knowledge of Makoto Yuki and Yu Narukami mostly comes from the animation (I intend to start P4G soon).
I don't fully recall information. If it helps the reader's understanding, I'll search for the the actual text and insert it later on.
Very heavy on Akeshu, their dynamic is very important to their characterization. I am a romantic shipper, but it can be interpreted as platonic too.
The core of this discussion is the theme of depression and emptiness that I believe both Joker and Akechi struggle with. Another theme that I believe is an important foil between the two is Joker's struggle with self-expression and Akechi's over-expression—
Joker’s Way of Living - Playfully Going with the Flow
To me, Joker's character in P5R was shaped the most by his social link with Akechi. It's the only social link where Joker expresses strong emotions without the player making the active choice to or being pressured by outside forces. Joker has always been portrayed as someone who is quiet and keeps his distance, but does still participate in fun and festivities with his friends. Point being, only when people ask him out to do something fun/he feels inclined to as a social gesture, he will participate. In Akechi's social link though was my favourite moment of the entire game - Joker unapologetically disguising Akechi. This was a really small moment but it was the only time he did something just for fun, unprompted, which I really appreciate.
There's also Hifumi who’s his age and has the same celebrity aura and aloof personality as Akechi. You can choose to mess with her, but it isn't as huge an effort as what Joker does to Akechi. Joker's character to me is someone who CAN poke fun at others, but taking the initiative to do something fun just because it’s fun? Never. Except for around Akechi, which I found incredibly cute: when he says it was fun, Akechi seems slightly amused too, as if he was pleased to see Joker having fun when he normally just goes with the flow. This is something the P3 and P4 protagonists share as well, that they always structure their days to be productive, have no hobbies and only respond wittily to people as a personality. It's silent protagonist stuff, but I like to think it's a good portrayal of depression. A Wild Card is a person who can summon multiple persona - which means they have many masks they use to face hardship, and so these masks are a manifestation of their many personalities. For me, the protagonists are Wild Cards because they are so used to 'acting' to seem normal around other people, to hide away their emptiness and lack of real self desires.
One of P4TA's episodes really stood out to me for building Yu's character in that he resonated with Mitsuo who felt emptiness in his daily life. Yu struggled with being accused of being 'empty' because he has no bonds once you took away his supernatural powers from him. I was really surprised by this episode, because what? Actual characterization for a protagonist with no personality? DEPRESSION?!?!?! He was able to shout that he wasn't empty when Yosuke reached out for him, and this makes me believe that Wild Cards are Wild Cards because their bonds define them - what fills their hearts is this love. These supernatural events give something for Wild Cards to identify with for people to love them, that if you take it away from them then there’s nothing left of them for their friends to stay around for - but Yosuke and the P4 cast prove that they would never leave Yu alone. That's why Wild Cards are not malicious in their 'acting', rather they just have no personality, nothing they care for or like etc, so they can only adapt to the people who want to reach out and care about them. At first, the act is superficial, but with time it becomes a real part of them (MAX Social Link). It’s not unhealthy but just… a way of life you have to embrace and acknowledge if you were dealt the depression card, unfortunately, or else you would be running from yourself.
(Also, on a side note, I love how the topic of depression isn’t understood by the cast because they aren’t aware they have felt it/just don’t experience it - and they’re all just ‘what-the-hell’ about Mitsuo’s motivations. But Yu knows, keeps it a secret and just plays along - there’s no need for anyone to know, he wants to protect this happiness. How Rise asks him about how he gained his Persona in the same episode as if to point attention to how Yu is similar to Mitsuo, needing something badly to fill the void, but had already acknowledged his emptiness from the start. God, thank you Persona for portraying high-functioning depression so well)
And if P4TA wasn’t enough a portrayal of high-functioning depression and the importance of love, then Behind the Mask’s lyrics are all about that too.
Love for Oneself and Others: What Makes Akechi Wrong and Joker Right
To emphasize on the importance of love to the protagonists, if I’m not mistaken Akechi states clearly how he wanted to be loved and Shido points that out too about Akechi. The fact he's able to summon multiple Persona goes to show how he's empty as a person, and that he has the potential like the protagonists to create new personas. Akechi's lack of trust however is what makes it impossible for him to manifest more than two Persona, as Futaba points out. However, unlike the protagonists, his other Persona Robin Hood wasn't born from a bond, but rather from the love of himself and his past ideals. OK, hear me out, although Akechi suffering from being unwanted does very much affect his ability to truly love and accept himself, the ability to acknowledge his suffering is still self-love in itself, proof that he cares about meeting his own needs. This isn't like the protagonists who go on with life accepting the cards that are dealt to them. Akechi however fears opening his heart to people because of his circumstances growing up, so it was natural for him to only trust and care about himself and nobody else to survive - this is his love, making Robin Hood’s existence possible.
But being selfish like this makes you lose sight of your morals, of what it truly means to love and be loved - because you will do whatever it takes to survive and be happy in what you believe to be just a shitty strong-eats-weak world, which is how Akechi wound up as Shido's accomplice - now he can use his new powers to tip that cursed power balance. But it’s obvious to Shido that Akechi’s actions screamed wanting to be loved, because he could have used his powers for anything else, yet his first instinct was to reach out to someone who should have loved him and use that power to be relevant to him. And then he decides to build a reputation as a celebrity with what he enjoyed doing best (solving cases) when such a thing was just an unnecessary effort. In fact, wanting to be a celebrity could be said to be the cause of Akechi’s downfall in the first place, because he doesn’t even care about sweets but had to pay attention to fads as a celebrity - then pancakes. Someone who grew up unwanted and unloved would naturally end up being driven by a desire to be loved, even if they believe they’re being ‘strong’. Akechi probably always knew, because after running away from the label of ‘unwanted child’, what else could he do when he was an empty husk of a shell? The only things he could remember is what he wanted as a child - a father, to be a hero and friends. Friends were outside the question now though, because he learned he can’t trust anyone. And his father was a scumbag, so he would never love him normally - but with this power, Akechi had the power to beat adults in power into submission, too. So it made sense that was his first instinct, a revenge to fill his emptiness - and then, so as to not feel alone again, Akechi became a celebrity - because friends were out of the question.
But this corrupted Akechi meets Joker who's living the ideal life he wanted as a child, being surrounded by friends and playing hero despite having shitty circumstances. And not giving a damn about his real family who threw him out here. This infuriates Akechi, because he believed it was impossible and so he worked hard for a less ideal future of being a celebrity with an unknown past. He never believed he could live a normal life overcoming the label of an unwanted child put on him, and here Joker was so effortlessly surrounded by friends while still being labeled a criminal. The label on Akechi is also interesting because it isn't something that everyone knows yet he still feels haunted by it - I love how this portrays that your past will always follow you everywhere, UNTIL you decide to accept it. Akechi probably realizes that Joker is happier because he accepted that label of a criminal and lived with it, and Akechi made a mistake. And this creates the foundation on which he hates and envies Joker, why did Akechi have to be in the wrong when he worked this hard? Akechi already feels incapable of doing anything right from the circumstances of his birth alone, and making more mistakes reinforces this idea that he will never do anything right, makes him more spiteful at his own birth and this frenzy of self-hatred makes it hard to grasp what’s right and wrong to him again. Akechi HATES Joker because of how Joker was able to make the right choices - in a way, this means that Joker's justice beat his.
Joker’s Desire for Perfection (Power) to Love
But that's on Akechi's side. I love that you have the option to make Joker say, 'I'm jealous of you too', to Akechi in his social link. Joker expresses a desire not to lose to Akechi, in billiards or in battle, despite not having any real reason to honor the rivalry. Joker clearly just plays along with Mishima because he has no reason to see Mishima the way he wants to be seen, nor does it benefit the two of them. Here, being rivals could easily be interpreted as a nonsense talk, especially since Akechi was a celebrity, so there was no room for pleasing people either. Even how Akechi gets surprised that Joker remembers the whole rival thing shows Akechi didn’t expect to come off so seriously from the start. Joker wanted to beat him for his own personal reasons. I took this as an implication that Joker admires and envies the perfection and capability Akechi demonstrates. Metaverse Joker’s pompousness and show-off nature does reflect how it’s Joker ideal to be that way, too. This further builds on Joker's feelings towards people, that there's a desire to be perfect and capable for them, and it's reflected in his interactions with them - how he tries to be their best supporter.
But Joker's way of supporting people isn't consistent. It depends on what he believes is in their best interest, even if it's not what the other wants, like with Mishima - it goes to show he doesn't have an actual personality, but rather his conversations with people are adapted to their needs like his masks that they create in him. This personality of caring about people's best interests and getting involved is why he acted in the harassment incident. But I do think he never initiates friendships of his own accord, and rather has people as confidants, because the trauma of the incident still lingers - that staying indifferent is far better than getting close to people (because he'll just let them down like he has his family and friends). It doesn't stop him from speaking up when things are clearly wrong though (every social link), so it's only that that trauma has hampered his ability to form new relationships.
I like to HC that he keeps his distance because of how his decision to rescue the woman ruined his relationships with his family and friends. And he doesn't want this to happen again, but he still wants to act when he believes it's right. He needs people so he can fill his emptiness. If he was perfect and capable like Akechi, maybe he could have both saved the woman and somehow not end up with a criminal record. The fact they never talk about his past relationships in canon and Sojiro brings up how he’s troubled his parents does make me HC that it's something he strongly suppressed. His inclination to care about others and get involved goes to show he has always been a kind-hearted person, and his emptiness has likely always been there since before the incident as he accepted the outcome of it without much spite. In fact, it’s the PTs who get angry for him about Shido. He lets people shape his personality, with how after the incident he chose to lay low as people told him to, but he couldn't because he could never change his love and concern for other people. There is also how Joker started wearing spectacles without actually needing them (not confirmed though) and changed his fashion to appear more ‘presentable’. One could deduce it was motivated by the anxiety from disappointing his loved ones with the person he had been and moving to a huge city all on his own where he knew nobody.
Joker: A Willing Prisoner of His Own Heart
If Akechi closed his heart out of fear, then Joker opened his heart to people. Far too much, that he allows them to dictate who he is - and the only emotion he lets slip is his concern for their best interest, even if they push him away. Other than that, there’s nothing else. This is what I like to think makes Joker a prisoner, because unlike the P3 and P4 protagonists, his heart is never free to truly develop as himself and reach his true answer. Makoto’s answer was growing from apathetic to believing in himself and humanity, Yu’s answer was embracing the happiness that friends bring him… and Joker still hasn’t defined what happiness is for him. Playing hero for the whole of Tokyo twice is still just acting in humanity’s best interests. In fact, playing hero itself can be considered escapism that blinds you from your true desires even more (Ryuji), unless you’re aware of why you want to play hero. Joker never had this epiphany like Ryuji had, nor does he have strong motivations to do what he’s doing like the rest of the PTs, so it can’t be said he’s actually following his heart.
This is reflective of P5's themes too, of the final boss being the manifestation of people's desires to stay prisoners to society. And humanity's worst, most dangerous inmate is Joker himself, which can be interpreted as him being the one who wants to free prisoners but wants to stay imprisoned (LOL). His desire to be that someone who frees other prisoners may be a result of his own projection, that he can’t save himself so he’ll save others. Yaldabaoth comments how Joker's psyche manifested as a prison, and Lavenza talks about how the Velvet Room was originally planned to help Joker develop as a person in the very same prison rather than rehabilitate him. If the Velvet Room is a representation of the guest's journey in P3 and P4, then Joker's journey is as a prisoner to society. He is only trapped behind the bars in prisoner garments when he remains unaware of Yaldabaoth's influence, but even in his Phantom Thief costume the form of the prison doesn’t change even once he’s free from the bars. To me, I interpret this as Joker's ideal that he believes he will forever be trapped in the prison of never expressing himself, but he is at least free to live for the sake of others. At the start, he’s behind bars because he struggles to accept that it is right for him to live for others, but confronting Yaldabaoth is a pivotal moment where he unapologetically makes the decision to save humanity. And the moment he truly feels ‘free’ to live that way.
I'm inclined to believe that his upbringing is what shaped him to be the way he is today - my theory is that he was loved, but not for being himself but for being "someone else". It is something common: Hifumi, Makoto and Haru were seen in this way by people they loved. But the difference is that they recognized these expectations were wrong, so they were unhappy. Makoto, though, agreed with some of her sisters' expectations, until she met PTs and suddenly she wasn’t meeting anyone’s expectations, and this led her to realize she never needed to. The way she was content staying ignorant goes to show how that prison is bearable and comfortable to live in if you're capable of meeting most if not all expectations. I like to think Joker was this kind of person, until the incident with Shido happened. Both Makoto and Joker's reactions when they're suddenly not living up to the expectations of people around them are to try harder - Makoto rushing recklessly for Kaneshiro, Joker changing himself after moving to Tokyo. Or else people will leave them and not care about them anymore, except Makoto has decided that that's a false belief now.
However, unlike Makoto, Joker loves people too much to even think that they were wrong for placing expectations on him. When he awakens his Persona, he’s judging whether he was right or wrong in his choice to act, whereas Makoto’s awakening represents her letting go of the weight of people’s expectations on her. You can even pick the option of ‘I may have been wrong’ when Joker awakens, but he still awakens - going to show his ‘true mask when facing hardships’ is one who wants to keep supporting and protecting people, even if he’s wrong and it hurts him. I like to think Makoto was able to criticize other people and her sister because her father taught her her self-worth by loving her unconditionally in the past and showing her she didn’t have to live to satisfy anyone. The same goes for Hifumi and Haru. But Joker likely never had this unconditional love to realize this, so his only choice is to push forward to keep meeting people's expectations while wanting to protect them, even if it means becoming a villain and outcast. He has to meet people's expectations, or else he has no reason to live - the only Joker who exists is the Joker someone needs.
But it's because of this, that the desire to be perfect to meet people's expectations is strong in both Makoto and Joker, and hence they view Akechi as their rival. Akechi is very clearly the pinnacle of perfection on the outside. But Joker's feelings for Akechi are stronger, because Makoto no longer needs acknowledgement - her rivalry with him just continues because of the past. For Joker, if he had Akechi's perfection, it would be far easier to live the life he's chosen for himself. What Makoto and Joker don't realize is that Akechi is only able to achieve this state of perfection because he does it selfishly for himself, not to meet the expectations of the people, so it's impossible for them. They will never have his confidence and pride because they are never living entirely for themselves. In fact, Akechi's way of living for him and only himself is a total foil to Joker himself, who entirely lives for other people. It's because of how different they are, that after meeting Joker, Akechi was able to realize what he truly wanted and where he had gone wrong - the 'requited love' Joker has for the people around him who celebrate him as a hero. But it's only because Joker is on such an extreme Akechi is able to see it - being on extreme clearly means there's something wrong with it, though.
Joker’s Numbness to His Own Emotions, and Akechi Awakening Them
I absolutely love the ship for how they complete each other. The game focuses a lot on what Joker means to Akechi, but their relationship vice versa is way more important and personal to me. BE WARNED IT'S JUST MY DELUSION THOUGH. Let’s first talk about Joker's reaction to Akechi's death, that was either to forget or to hold onto the glove. I'm inclined to think forgetting is even an option because Akechi hadn't fully wormed his way into Joker's heart like the latter did. It’s as if deciding to forget something painful so you can keep functioning as normal, even if you want justice/closure for it (like with Shido). Because Akechi’s influence wasn’t strong enough for Joker to grow out of his society-conforming attitude, it’s still an option (and more about how Akechi may have reinforced and justified this attitude later on in the Boiler Room discussion).
Honoring their promise, to Joker, is still something he does out of caring about the other's best interest. As shown in how opting to talk about the glove when Akechi tells you to leave at his last moments makes Akechi happy. It did show Akechi that he still mattered to someone in his last moments, after all. But not expressing his grief about Akechi's death goes to show nothing has changed with Joker. Maybe he wasn’t that sad, but Third Semester proves that wrong. It seems more that he doesn’t realize how much he cares about Akechi, as he never expresses what Akechi means to him even when Maruki clarifies that his decision to revert reality would mean Akechi would be gone.
He did react with apprehension in making the decision, probably because 1) he was deciding whether to kill someone off right in front of them 2) Maruki's words were implying how important Akechi is to him, that he's been ignoring his emotions and he should carefully make a choice. For himself. Even if he knows the right answer, the reality is that Akechi is dead and that he has to go back to that. The way he doesn't seem to care about Akechi's words on 'finding a way back' goes to show he never trusted Akechi to survive in the first place, and only talked about the glove to appease him. That moment of hesitation was important to his characterization for me, as it was like a moment when a numb character has finally been told to feel for himself and be selfish. People pleasing does reign, but it doesn’t change that Joker was told to think more about it for himself.
I would like to think that although Joker’s reaction to Maruki dangling Akechi’s life in front of him could be considered his people-pleasing, the tidbits from their social link shows Joker just isn’t aware of how much Akechi matters to him and that moment makes him just, realize. From the start, he was surprisingly perceptive about Akechi - I interpret this as the surprise of being acknowledged by someone so popular, perfect, in an entirely different league from him and/or initial attraction. Then there’s how Akechi had single-handedly showered Joker in love in the way he makes it a point to talk about every small thing he notices about Joker - being so highly scrutinized like that if you grew up being unseen/seen as someone else is so goddamn satisfying. Especially by someone you perceive as superior and/or have an attraction to. How Joker then felt safe to be pushy and playful around Akechi, because he felt Akechi would accept it and find it to be yet another amusing side to Joker. Joker was able to show glimpses of his real self to Akechi, even if small. To me, it’s why Joker cares so much for someone who lied to him all this time: it doesn’t change that Akechi paid such close attention to understand the real him when everyone else chose to see him the way they want to.
Then there's how he’s also nothing like the real Akechi, someone who can survive alone and be so unapologetic about his emotions no matter how deviant they are. It’s a form of freedom Joker has never had nor considered, that seeing it at first makes him feel nothing because he’s content where he is. If he were to ever run into a wall because he couldn’t express himself, Akechi would be the first one he would remember. Like how Akechi approached Joker and had an interest in him, sharing more about himself - as if because he wanted Joker to save him. It's the same for Joker, too, that Akechi serves to remind him of his absence of emotional freedom that he doesn’t realize because he’s numbed himself far too much. 'We love other people because they have something we don't have', something along the lines of a quote in my favourite romance manga (Skip and Loafer, pls go watch). Akechi's selfishness and ability to act alone for his own sake, even if misguided, is something Joker can never bear to do if faced with his own happiness and the happiness of many more.
Joker’s Justice VS Akechi’s Justice - The BOILER ROOOOOM
If not for his friends, if not for Akechi’s small mistake, Akechi would have won and killed him. Akechi might have been able to achieve his goals that way, without having to let go and compromise on what he wants, or he may have failed entirely. It's only because Akechi was human and Joker was surrounded by people that Joker was saved from his demise, and Akechi's happiness was robbed from him - showing how Joker's way of living, his justice, is superior.
Does that mean Akechi’s way of living has always been wrong?
It's still hard for me to interpret how Joker felt in the Boiler Room, but these kinds of thoughts that start from how Akechi could have gotten his way are likely the strongest as it involves Joker's own wellbeing and Akechi's grand goals that were the focus of the situation. Of course, the exchange in the Boiler Room can be interpreted as just Akechi's one-sided spite for Joker, but it's better if it's mutual. Joker never reaches out to save Akechi as desperately as the other PTs do, and I like to think it's because it’s another numb moment for Joker. This was their promised battle to the death, and Akechi lost. Joker’s justice won - a justice where you should live in society doing your best to support other people without bothering anyone, even if you’re suffering and suffocating. This reinforces the justice that dictates Joker's true self has to stay trapped forever. Even if you can meet expectations and accept suffering, no matter how much people love you… it'll still be a difficult and empty life if you can't freely be yourself. Yu is able to break out of this because he knows he has a safe place with his friends to express himself, that his emotions are ‘normal’, but Joker still doesn’t feel entirely safe - not when the PTs describe their group as a place where misfits can feel at home. It isn’t a place where you can feel ‘normal’ - the PTs just reinforce that your true feelings are deviant in society. Seeing an opposing justice lose so badly… a justice that dictates you to be yourself and free, when Joker knows he isn't happy deep down, would stir some feelings of nihilism in him. There is just no place in the world for deviants like them.
But it doesn’t bother Joker so much because he’s already taken ownership of the fact that he’s a deviant, as with his awakening. He can’t be saved, and he’ll just keep plowing through if so.
Both ends of Akechi and Joker's justices are flawed. Akechi's justice disregards the wellbeing of the people around you, Joker's justice disregards your own wellbeing. Akechi is able to give himself a second chance because of the kindness that Joker's justice displays– Even if you stepped out of bounds of society from the pressure, you should still live and take responsibility for the good of both yourself and other people. The gentleness and open arms of this justice, or at least the people practicing it, allows Akechi to integrate it into his own and properly complete him as a person with the ‘love’ and ‘selflessness’ he was missing. In the end, it was the PTs who saved Akechi, but it was Joker who opened his eyes to it - to living with an open heart to people, as happiness cannot come without trust. That's why Akechi knows what's right for him now, because the two justices have come together.
However, Joker continues on his justice, disregarding his own wellbeing. It's fine as long as he's around people who acknowledge his presence, as long as it takes a shape Joker agrees with. Because his way of living has always been centered around playing a role and meeting expectations. But at home where these expectations have become increasingly unrealistic, especially because of the incident with Shido, it's a different story. Joker is likely aware of his fear, but pushes himself to face it like the PTs have decided with their own dreams - I interpret the message of Joker's Metaverse self in the mirror in the True Ending of P5R as representing his determination to tread reality with that same, self-sacrificing justice, no matter how difficult - the same way he dealt with Maruki’s reality. I find it exciting to explore how the story would continue after Joker returns home because of that.
He doesn't grow like any of the PTs or Akechi in the canon events because his way of living isn’t wrong nor does it bring him any pain (because he’s not blind, he’s aware of his choices from the awakening of Persona). But his way of living only brings him happiness when he’s with people who have reasonable expectations/unconditional love for whoever he is. As long as he can meet their expectations. But the people who shaped him to live being someone else - his family - won’t have reasonable expectations for him, especially after the incident with Shido. They say the people who can hurt you the most are the people who love you, because they have a vested interest in your happiness, but have ideals of what happiness is and can grow unreasonable in controlling you for you to be happy. It’s normal and parents get over it after their kids have their rebellious phase, but it’s another story of worse if you can’t express yourself properly - and that’s why as you grow up it’s necessary to better understand yourself and have boundaries. I do HC Joker has a hard time expressing himself properly out of anxiety/autism, which is why he speaks so little. And he accepted whatever the people around him wanted without much resistance because it was more difficult to express yourself for him. I feel like this is where Akechi’s justice serves to complete Joker, to break him free from the silly bonds that trap and define him and give him a good wake-up call to not give up on expressing and understanding himself.
Akechi and Joker represent selfishness and selflessness deviants of society to me, two emotions that have to coexist in perfect balance to be happy. What more, they also go to show that choosing to grow up selfish or selfless happens when you aren’t loved for being yourself - you know that you have to co-exist with people who don’t love you, so you survive by either beating them down or pleasing them. I find there’s a lot more to talk about Akechi-Joker foils over Adachi-Yu, that it discusses the whole concept of living in a society which rejects you. Exploring Joker’s character does add a lot more to the discussion, but that’s just me.
Dynamics of two people that complete each other are always, always my OTPs… P5 has its problematic writing but thank you very much for Akeshu Atlus (This is beyond delusional but how Justine (J=Joker) and Caroline (C=Crow) complete each other to create Lavenza (L=Love)??? How Justine has Joker’s composed sassy demeanor and Caroline has Crow’s aggressive behaviour????? Justine seeming to be in charge of the Compendium containing all the Persona born from Joker’s bonds???)
