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i’m 23 and need to vent :) would like to talk to ppl here

[santqnas]

my mom thinks i’m fighting to do this test but i’m actually fighting not to cut or kms :/

31.1.23

[santqnas]

i’m 842 days “clean” from sh but i really just replaced cutting with different forms of sh and i keep telling myself that theyre not as bad so it doesnt count but i feel like i’m just lying to myself

12.12.22

[santqnas]

i went to a new psychiatrist and she thinks i may have a mixed personality disorder from cluster b and that makes me feel so validated bc finally someone sees that its not just depression and anxiety

27.6.22

[santqnas]

my mom just told me she thinks i only have anxiety now but i also have suicidal and sh thoughts almost every day, my mood is very unstable and my ocd is back and i tried telling her she doesnt really notice anything thats going on with me but she doesnt get the hint and i cant just tell her how i feel

26.6.22

[santqnas]

i feel like i’m not valid bc ive never been hospitalized :/

31.5.22

[santqnas]

my anxiety has been super bad in the past few months and i cant fucking take it anymore

7.5.22

[santqnas]

i’m so tired of not having energy to do anything and crying all the time

2.7.21

[santqnas]

everyone thinks i’m doing so much better but really its getting kinda bad again

28.6.21

[santqnas]

i thought my mood was getting better but i think it was only excitement from certain things in my life bc i am unmotivated and kinda edgy all the time and its fucking annoying i was actually doing good a month ago

7.6.21

[santqnas]

my therapist told me its best if i try to get hospitalized but the psychiatric hospital just sent me home idk what to do anymore

28.5.21

[santqnas]

i got some rlly bad news today and my therapist had to convince me not to sh and i’m not sure i can hold it anymore but i feel bad for my parents bc theyll be so sad if i cut again i dont wanna let everybody down

24.5.21

[santqnas]

its been over a year since my last post but i’m almost 9 months clean of sh and i cant stop thinking about cutting myself. i need to relieve all this stress and my meds make me unable to cry and i just need to feel smth. the worst thing about this is i feel like i cant tell anyone bc everybody think i’m doing so good and i dont wanna disappoint them :(

17.05.21

[santqnas]

i was actually feeling good today but now i’m really self conscious abt my scars and i’m having anxiety attacks bc of what my parents must’ve felt like when they found out and i just feel like shit

26.12.19

[santqnas]

I AM A WHOLE MONTH CLEAN

honestly i didn’t think i would make it through a whole month and i’m proud of myself for doing that bc i wanted to cut so bad and it’s the farthest i’ve gone in the past year or so. now i just wanna share this win with someone but i don’t know how to open up to my friends :/

26.12.19

[santqnas]

i feel really suicidal rn and i wanna tell my parents and ask them to be with me tonight or smth but i also don’t want them to know and i’m not comfortable talking abt it with them

[santqnas]

is it just me or is it really hard to actually admit to someone that i literally just wanna kill myself or cut until my whole body is bleeding? i just feel like i’m gonna disappoint people if i tell them that and they won’t understand it anyway so i just keep it to myself

[santqnas]

i’m tired of studying, i’m tired of trying, i’m tired of going to school, i’m tired of being friendly, i’m tired of pretending, i’m tired of cutting, i’m tired of life and i don’t know what to do anymore.