Pomni's backstory actually really tells you how much her being in the circus is SICK KARMA.
She's a supermarket accountant who 'got bored of things' and sought out mild thrills like urban exploring, and posting videos of it on YouTube.
When Jax calls her a YouTuber, she replies with "Not really. Nobody watched them." While looking at her drink sadly.
So basically, she was a thrill seeker, and an attention seeker. (I say that cause Zooble also urban explored, but didn't post anything about it)
Which... at first when I heard this backstory, thought it was VERY out of line with the Pomni we know.
After all, from just the Pilot, everyone has characterized her as 'the embodiment of anxiety'.
Doesn't help that Glitch's Merch and Ads ALSO put that aspect of her front and center.
I kinda suspected there HAD to be more to her than that. But I also thought this would still be an aspect of her and played into her past life.
Especially given how much more layers we get of who Pomni is in the other episodes.
She's NOT just anxiety. She's someone who has ZERO direction in her life and considers herself and her abilities worthless.
She is a nihilist who has extremely low self esteem, so much so that she believes that when she dies, nobody will care about her. So at the start of the show, she's a loner who wallows in her negative emotions, not even bothering to interact with her peers. Willingly. Which also adds to development of anxiety and depression.
She DOES want friends, as shown with Gummigoo. But as shown by her reaction with his 'death',
She LAUGHS at losing him.
It's almost like she EXPECTS these results, and expects her own misery.
"I knew it would end up like this"
A lot of people think anxiety is "PANICKING AND CONSTANTLY NERVOUS"
THAT'S NOT WHAT IT IS. THAT'S JUST THE SURFACE LEVEL.
Anxiety is an emotion centered around uneasiness of an unknown outcome. And in the cases of a disorder, you just naturally expect bad things to happen to you. Some people have a better handling of their anxiety than others.
That is until she is rescued in literal hell by Kinger, and he gives her sound advice on how NOT pointless life is.
Also something to point out: Evil Pomni, the opposite, is an apathetic gremlin who takes pride in action, with such an inflated ego (taking a nap in the field before catching the ball and gloating about it). Obviously the opposite of Pomni's current state, as someone with high empathy and low esteem. Evil Pomni is high apathy and a high ego.
This post is also neat in explaining the evil clones
Wouldn't it be crazy if this was a potential ugly side Pomni had before the circus? (Just more subtle than this exaggerated evil clone)
(Personally, I wanna see her crash out in the future)
BUT THIS IS THE THING THAT REALLY SCRATCHED MY HEAD.
Pomni is also shown to do pretty poorly with the more thrilling adventures. She wants to LEAVE these. In every instance, she's shown desire to NOT be a part of the adventures.
Candyland. She doesn't want to be there.
Mildenhall Manor. She's afraid of horror, and when she accidentally falls through the scary door, her immediate plan is to get out of there.
The only time she's not in pain during an adventure is in the normal ones. Spudsys, Stargazing, the bar, these adventures are when Pomni is actually... chill. Especially Spudsys.
So, I read this as Pomni naturally gravitates towards the mundane lifestyle.
BUT HER BACKSTORY DOES NOT SUPPORT THIS.
Her backstory tells us she was a totally different person prior to the circus. She did NOT enjoy her mundane lifestyle as an accountant, and was a thrill seeker who LIKED exploring, and adventures. She also was seeking attention by posting on YouTube.
THIS SOUNDS TOTALLY DIFFERENT FROM THE POMNI WE KNOW IN THE SHOW.
So, what, is this simply OOC?
Call me reading too much into it, but MAYBE THIS IS THE POINT.
It's not out of line if we see her nihilistic traits in the start of the series and 'feeling like she's nothing'.
Her life was depressing. Nobody noticed her. Nobody watched her videos or took any interest in her.
Which could also be why she's a jester. Jesters are attention seekers and prominent members of the royal court.
The design gimmick for the TADC characters is that they are a twisted cartoony version of their internal struggles.
Gangle is a frail ribbon who is literally two faced because that was her life prior to the circus. Zooble has a body designed to constantly be changing and never feel comfortable because they never found themselves in their old life. Ragatha is a ragdoll because dolls were considered wealthy toys in the past, but she's a kind of doll designed to be able to take beatings because of her abuse in her prior life. (She also has one button eye, which indicates harm and partial blindness) You get it.
Pomni is a jester, who in her past, was never noticed despite her attempts. Which is a sick karma of what she wanted to have and be seen as. (You could also link a YouTuber to the modern equivalent of a jester) A FOOLISH DESIRE TO THINK SHE COULD BE WORTH THE ATTENTION.
So she craved adventure and attention. Something more in her life.
But when she actually ends up in the circus, she rejects it. She only goes on the adventures out of obligation, but DOESN'T enjoy them.
Funny, you'd think she'd be interested in this stuff. But no.
She got the thrill-seeking life she wanted. And she hates it. She fears nearly everything about it.
...so maybe that's why she gravitates towards the mundane adventures.
This whole circus, for her, is a sadistic version of karma, and God's way of punishing her for wanting more out of the life she was given.
You never know how much something means to you until you lose it.
If she could go back to her old life as an accountant, back to when the world made sense, back to when everything was fine, she would. And she'd never complain about it again.
She didn't need these thrills, or this attention, or any of these wild adventures in order for her life to have a purpose. All she needed was to just... live life.
And said life got taken away before she could realize that.
HER LIVING EMBODIMENT IN THIS CIRCUS, IS THE FOOL.
