Concept based on RG33’s “Dante and Vergil have a cook off.”
If there was ever anything that Searin did not want to hear it would be “Dante” and “cook” in the same sentence. She stood at her kitchen counter as she had the phone next to her on the counter as she was going over her current documents.
“Vergil wants you to cook?” Searin questioned.
“Yep,” Dante admitted on the phone.
Searin stayed silent for a moment as all the memories of the many, many, many times the kitchen at Devil May Cry had caught on fire. She had to physically restrain herself from shuddering.
“Is he trying to burn the place down?” Searin replied.
“I’m on the same page as you. As I told Nero there is a very good reason why I make sure the fire extinguishers and smoke detectors are up to date,” Dante expressed, “It’s also why if someone cooks, it’s someone I know has the skills.”
“But you couldn’t say no to Vergil,” Searin remarked, as she flipped through papers.
“I couldn’t. He really wanted to do this and I didn’t want to upset him. So I reluctantly accepted it and now I’M FUCKING HORRIFIED I’LL BURN THE DAMN BUILDING DOWN!” Dante cursed, as Searin could hear the familiar crackling of the phone’s mic.
“You and I both. Sigh, how long till you have to do the cook off?” Searin asked.
“A week,” Dante admitted, “And I wanted you to judge as well, equal ruling and tiebreaker. Also as a reassurance.”
“That makes sense. I would suggest having someone teach you but they would have to be a saint for the patience required for that task,” Searin commented, “And an indestructible oven.”
“Exactly, plus even your cousins know I suck,” Dante replied.
“Yeah and I wouldn’t invite V even if she has an Ultanan stomach. As I’m certain Vergil would forget to use almond milk instead of normal milk,” Searin said.
“Sadly true. He’s always been a stickler for certain things,” Dante sighed, “Just I would be thankful if you arrived. Plus I want Nero to spend some time with his cousin.”
“Alright, I will go. But it will be just me,” Searin replied, “Also we’ll cancel it the very moment something sets on fire.”
“That I can agree with,” Dante noted, “See you then.”
“See you in a week dad,” Searin said, tapping the end call button.
She then dialed the next contact and held the phone to her ear.
“Hey, Kaeji. How good is healthcare here again?” Searin asked.
—---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A week had gone by. She was absolutely not looking forward to this as she packed a fire extinguisher into her bag. Along with her health insurance card, and all the medicine she could pack. Wave had lifted an eyebrow.
“Why are you acting like doomsday has arrived?” Wave asked.
“Our dear adopted father has invited me to be a judge over a cook off between him and Uncle Vergil,” Searin explained.
“And I’m guessing our dad is a horrible chef,” Wave noted.
“Very much so,” Searin’s right eye twitched.
Wave stared at her and then tossed her keys to Drakengard. Searin caught them.
“If anything happens, make sure to call me,” Wave said.
“Will do,” Searin replied.
-----------------------------Some Time Later-----------------------------
Searin had pulled Drakengard up to the shop as she parked it. Dread was creeping into her as she hoped for once, that she didn’t have to do this. As it felt like she was heading to her impending doom.
‘No time like now,’ Searin thought.
She walked up the steps of the shop and opened the door. Seeing the most cursed sight ever in her life, Dante wearing an apron and chef hat as his red jacket had been left behind. She felt the urge to run at that very moment.
‘Y’mira, let me survive this,’ Searin thought as she prayed for her life.
“Do I have to be here?” Lady asked.
“Same here,” Nero agreed.
“I wanted to have someone to judge our creations. After all, someone would have to take a taste test to truly determine who is the better chef,” Vergil said, as he also had an apron and chef hat but was in his full outfit.
“I’m glad I packed all the known stomach medicines then,” Searin replied, as she sat down at the couch.
“Oh Searin, didn’t see you there. Did Vergil invite you as well?” Nero asked.
“I was invited by Dad. Looks like you got dragged as well,” Searin remarked.
“Yup, honestly could be doing something else with my time,” Lady groaned.
‘While I pray that nothing catches on fire,’ Searin thought.
“Had to invite your adopted daughter to even the field. Are you afraid to lose Dante?” Vergil asked.
“I brought her here as a reassurance,” Dante admitted. “In case anything goes bad.”
He gave her a very familiar look. One she knew meant, ‘You have everything right?’. She returned with, ‘Even have Athlos on standby’.
“Can’t believe I agreed to this,” Dante sighed.
“Dante, I humored you and your attempts at Uno and Connect four. The least you can do is agree to one round of cooking with me,” Vergil replied.
“Cooking is not my thing. She can tell you,” Dante said, pointing at Searin.
“Severely,” Searin shuddered as her eye started to twitch.
“Dante can’t cook? Is that why he orders takeout all the time?” Vergil questioned.
“Yes…Pizza for breakfast, lunch and dinner,” Lady said, “I’m sure you know that well.”
“Well, I sometimes cooked back then. Of course, I also sucked at the time but it wasn’t his level of bad,” Searin remarked.
“How bad was he?” Nero asked.
“The fire department knew us on a first name basis,” Searin answered, staring at him.
Nero shuddered at that. While Lady was starting to silently pray.
“Alright, let the contest begin!” Vergil announced, “May the best chef win.”
“This kitchen’s getting crazy! Let’s cook!” Dante exclaimed.
Both of them were off to cook and doing it intensely. Searin was feeling like Pandora's box had been opened. As she was sweating bullets at the thought of anything going bad.
“So…uh…are we going to be able to taste test after or?” Nero asked.
“How would I know?” Lady asked.
“I would be surprised if the kitchen didn't explode in a great ball of fire,” Searin gulped, as she watched with her hand ready to grab a fire extinguisher.
“Lady! Nero! Searin! Provide live commentary!” Vergil ordered.
“My dad and uncle are intensely cooking away while I sit here, knowing one of them would be banned immediately from joining Worst Cooks in America,” Searin commented. “As I pray to every god I know that the kitchen does not burn down.”
“Seriously? Alright,” Nero said, “What dish are you preparing, Vergil?”
“Why did you agree to that so easily?” Lady asked.
“Trying to keep Searin from entering a panic attack and distract myself,” Nero whispered.
“Glad you asked, Nero. I’m preparing the crust for my Berried Delight, right now,” Vergil explained.
“And what about you, Dad? What dish are you making?” Searin asked, before Vergil could get into a long talk.
“Fried Rice,” Dante answered.
“Of course. A simple dish would work best for you,” Vergil scoffed, “Who doesn’t know how to cook fried rice?”
Everyone let out a collective nod except Lady. Searin stared intensely at Dante’s corner as she noticed that he was doing good. Nothing was burning as he placed a stick of butter in the pan. It was odd as she analyzed his movements…he was actually doing a good job as he got a cutting board out. He placed the onion down and cut into it.
“Ah! Oh shit!” Dante cursed.
“Dante! Are you good?” Nero asked.
“The onions…Ah shit…my eyes,” Dante had tears starting to form.
“Beat by an onion Dante? You're gonna cry, huh?” Vergil tsked.
“You could say, the devil may cry,” Dante joked.
Searin had to hold back a snicker as the others groaned at the bad dad joke.
An hour had passed as Searin, Lady and Nero sat at a dining table. Dante had placed his dish down.
“Behold! Dante’s special fried rice,” Dante declared.
It was a plate of fried rice with pepperoni put on top. Searin was surprised that it looked edible.
“Dante, why the hell did you put pepperoni on here?!” Lady exclaimed.
“This isn’t a pizza, man. Why is there pepperoni?!” Nero complained.
“Honestly, I’m more hung up on the fact it looks edible,” Searin commented, “Usually it’s charred beyond belief.”
“Foolishness, Dante,” Vergil scoffed, “My little brother stands no chance against my dish.
Vergil unveiled it. Searin wasn’t really impressed, it looked like a normal strawberry delight she often served at the royal conferences. She ignored his long monologue and took a bite out of it. It somehow tasted overpriced and like nothing at the same time. She definitely had better ones made from Kaeji himself. She then took a bite of the fried rice. Her brain immediately blue screened as she couldn’t comprehend it. Somehow, her adoptive father figure, known for being the destroyer of many kitchens, actually made something good.
“WHAT BLACK MAGIC IS THIS?!” Searin exclaimed.
Vergil, Nero and Lady were surprised at her sudden volume.
“WHA? Huh? HOW?!” Searin questioned, “You normally burn the damn kitchen down! How did you become a proficient chef?!”
“Are you saying that Dante made something edible?” Vergil questioned.
“I have to agree with her. As somehow the pepperoni works with the rice,” Lady said. “It’s a good mix.”
“JACKPOOOOT!” Dante celebrated.
“That’s progress. That was actually justified,” Lady said.
“And the berried delight, pop. Tastes boring,” Nero critiqued, “Something overpriced you buy in a fancy restaurant.”
“But you ate it for free,” Vergil puzzled, “How does it taste overpriced?”
“If V was here, she would tell you exactly where you went wrong,” Searin remarked, “But Dad, how did you learn how to cook in just a week?”
“I might have asked a friend of yours to teach me. As I remembered he was the one who did most of the cooking for your birthday,” Dante explained.
Searin immediately pieced it together, “IGGY?! He taught you?!”
“Oh, I remember him. Guy with glasses and posh accent. His food was really good,” Nero remembered.
“Yep, I reached out to him and asked him to teach me,” Dante said. “He was perfectly okay with it. I did give him a gift as compensation for the trouble.”
“So that’s how you prepared, Dante,” Vergil replied, “I should have known you would stoop so low that you would ask someone to teach you.”
“It was in the rules, Vergil. That we both agreed we could prepare for this,” Dante shared, “And I followed the rules. I just had someone teach me.”
“Hugo, remind me to get Ignis a gift,” Searin whispered into her phone, as her father and uncle started fighting with each other.
