throw hozier in horny jail? babe, who do you think is the warden…
you think hozier would willingly be part of the horny prison industrial complex?? andrew hozier byrne???
hozier would be storming the horny bastille

Kiana Khansmith

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@fouroclockwren
throw hozier in horny jail? babe, who do you think is the warden…
you think hozier would willingly be part of the horny prison industrial complex?? andrew hozier byrne???
hozier would be storming the horny bastille
late uploading my dashcon 2 2 panel because I've spent so much time making graphics
HAPPY FIRST DAY OF NATIONAL MOTH WEEK
what is ur favorite moth of all time?
Who wants to hear a DIY tiling pro tip that the experts won't tell you
Yes!
Do not drop your phone into the bucket of tile adhesive. This step is actually completely unnecessary and massively complicates the tiling process.
You say this but my uncle is a tiler and he swears by the “drop phone in putty bucket” technique. I think you’re just posting this for clout
Your uncle is caught up in a tradition that he was taught as an apprentice that he never questioned. Modern putty doesn't require phone, the formula has changed.
MY uncle says some customers still demand the phone putty technique because it "doesn't look right otherwise"
Drop an empty phone case in and those customers can't tell the fucking difference because there is no fucking difference.
My mum renovated houses for thirty years, she says “you’re half right, but in some cases - particularly in houses built before 1930 - the phone does add some benefit. Could be a tablet too if you’ve an old one in the garage. And anyone who says it’s got to be a particular model is just being precious about it, whatever the forums say.”
bed gets a lot of love and recognition as a place of comfort but what about shower. everybody give it up for shower
warm. built-in white noise machine. you can be productive while rotting because it gets you a little cleaner even if you're just standing/sitting there. kind of a migraine therapy. perfect place to cry or jerk off or both. or just zone out watching water droplets bounce around and get like six new creative ideas. come out feeling like you've got a new lease on life. did I mention it's warm. shower you will always be famous to me
the opposite of that "pieces of your soul are left in random places without warning, we're scattered long before we're ever ash" post is the way a song or a scent or a flavor will permanently affix itself to a specific moment or season of your life in your memory. I didn't leave a piece of my soul, I unexpectedly gained one
hozier's "from eden" is adhered to july 22-28 2019 like a bookstore price sticker
ok so write that down
just tried to reference the xkcd "today's lucky 10,000" comic but I wanted to explain xkcd first, so I was like "you probably know the one about experts in the field overestimating their audience's familiarity with the subject matter" and uh. he didn't. love me some irony
I think the best most human thing in the world is strangers doing a silly thing together
Examples:
- guy at work "Yes, and -" ing the bit me and my coworker were doing where we pretended to be owners of a fantasy medieval tavern not minimum wage retail staff
- at the gay club when Die Young by Kesha came on and two hundred people, all dancing and drinking separately, jumped up and down to make the "- beat of the drums *STOMP STOMP*" as loud as possible
- person who watched me stomp round the beach singing a made up song about breakfast foods to name a cat after and suggested more breakfast foods that would be good cat names
- guy who started a dance off with everyone across the road while waiting for the lights to change
- very tiny girl at the pharmacy interviewing everyone in the queue and every single one of us in turn sat down and answered this toddler's questions like we were on Letterman
The three pillars of humanity, in no particular order, are Joy, Absurdity, and Sharing
All fantasy authors wish they had a bigger bathtub in their house. You can tell by every bathing scene ever written into a fantasy novel
extremely funny to me that Kermit the Frog is the only main overlap character between Sesame Street and The Muppets. imagine your day job is hanging out in a community of lovely people that genuinely just want to help kids learn and care about everyone so so much and then your night job is the reason that you have to stay up to date on your rabies AND tetanus vaccine
at noon the giant you're hanging out with is Big Bird! a wonderful fellow who likes reading stories and singing and telling fun facts! at midnight there's a giant named Sweetums who makes you feel like you're being hunted for sport
Ernie, trying to maybe come out to Kermit: well you know Kermit, me and Bert-
Bert: Bert and I
Ernie: Bert and I, we've been best friends forever, but we're also something else too!
Kermit, who every goddamn night has to tell Beaker and Bunsen to keep it professional, deal with Statler and Waldorf's bullshit, AND update his organizational chart on Dr. Teeth and the Electric Polycule: that's really great to hear fellas, happy for you two! :)
Grover, alarmed at having spilled some finger paint on Kermit's flipper: I am so sorry, Kermit. Please forgive me.
Kermit, who deals with a multitude of bodily fluids on his person and all over the theatre every evening, who is unintentionally trampled by large monsters as they exit the stage, and quite intentionally has his little froggy bones launched into a wall most nights by Miss Piggy: It's ok, Grover. I'm a frog. I love baths.
On Sesame Street: Oh, no, Telly is watching too much television!
The Muppet Show Theater, that night: Gonzo attempts to explain his latest fetish at length.
ok so this would be my vision for the cigarette cake x
I made this, and it's cooling right now. Just realized I accidentally ONLY did oreo bits instead of "cut with caramel".
(I'm super proud that I made this, please reblog <3)
I made another; Dad wanted it for his birthday.
Sure, here's my disorganized recipe from hell, cobbled together from various websites and experiments. I just realized that I pasted the caramel and pastry cream in the wrong order... It's easier if you make the pastry cream first and clean that pot for the caramel. I'm on mobile. Will fix.
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1 box white cake mix, using egg whites. Bake. Flip onto a wire rack.
2/3 box spice cake mix (save the rest to turn into batter later, or portion the batter and bake it on the side.) I add extra allspice. Bake in previous pan.
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Caramel Ganache (kinda):
1 cup granulated sugar
⅓ cup butter, salted or unsalted
White chocolate and hot milk ganache (pre-prepare or don't; pour hot milk over the chocolate and stir until thick but fluid consistency. Use the same method over dark chocolate to make a separate, thicker ganache for later).
Heat until fully melted and amber, without burning. People say don't stir the sugar; I don't think it matters much for a cake like this and I stir it to help it melt faster after it has started.
Add the butter pieces and stir until smooth. It's gonna look scary. Just keep going.
Add the white chocolate ganache until reaching desired consistency. This is done now. Transfer to a holding container and immediately wash your pot. Filling the pot with water and letting the leftover scuz simmer on low helps.
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Pastry Cream (it's just custard with butter, apparently) (ALSO NOTE: I never have a ton unless I make a thin tall cake, but this amount offers an appropriate texture. Maybe double this exclusively if you can make it look pretty. IMO, I'd turn this into a mousse to stabilize it, but I haven't. Spicetrekkers Walnut Espresso Blondie has a good custard->mousse setup.)
▢ 2 cups whole milk
▢ ¼ cup granulated sugar
▢ 1 large egg
▢ 2 large egg yolks
▢ ¼ cup cornstarch
▢ ⅓ cup granulated sugar
▢ 2 tablespoons unsalted butter
▢ 1 teaspoon vanilla extract (or vanilla bean, split open, to add to the milk during heating)
In a medium saucepan, combine milk and granulated sugar. Gentle simmer/steam. Do not boil.
Whisk together 1 large egg, 2 large egg yolks, ¼ cup cornstarch, and ⅓ cup granulated sugar in a mixing bowl until smooth and pale.
Slowly pour about half of the hot milk into the egg mixture in a steady stream, whisking constantly to temper the eggs and prevent curdling.
Immediately pour the tempered egg mixture back into the saucepan. Return to medium heat and whisk constantly until the mixture thickens and begins to bubble, about 2 to 3 minutes.
Remove from heat. Stir in 2 tablespoons unsalted butter and 1 teaspoon vanilla extract until fully melted and incorporated.
Transfer the pastry cream to a clean bowl. Press plastic wrap directly onto the surface to prevent a skin from forming. Refrigerate until completely chilled (can use freezer initially, if you want).
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Layer as per image. Layer as follows:
Spice cake → Caramel ganache → White cake → Plain pastry cream → Pastry cream with add-ins → Dark chocolate ganache with oreos if you want it that way → Crushed biscoff cookies
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It is very reminiscent of a typical Southern dump-cake, but if you organized it. It's fun. With work, it could be kind of classy?
If I had enough free-time, I'd change a lot about the layering. The caramel and spicecake is fantastic, but the pastry cream doesn't layer perfectly with the white cake. If it was up to future-me, I'd make round cakes, and stack the white in 2-3 layers with the caramelly cookie cream, and coat the entire thing in chocolate ganache (with a little espresso powder). This would do great with coconut and/or almond in a form of preference, too.
Suddenly struck with a need to explain to you how boat pronouns work (I work in the marine industry).
When you're talking about the design of the boat, you say "it".
When the boat is still being built, your say "it".
When the boat is nearing completion, you can say "it" or "she".
When the boat is floating in the water you probably say "she", unless there is still a lot of work to be done (e.g. no engine yet) then you say "it".
When the boat is officially launched and operating, you say "she". If you continue to say "it" at this point you are not incorrect but suspiciously untraditional. You are not playing the game.
If you are referring to a boat you don't really know anything about you may say "it" ("there's a big boat, it's coming this way"). But if you know its name, it's probably "she" ("there's the Waverley, she's on her way to Greenock").
If you are talking about boats in general, you say "it" ("when a boat is hit by a wave it heels over")
If you speak about a boat in complimentary terms, it's "she" ("she's a grand boat"). If you are being disparaging it may be it, but not necessarily ("it's as ugly as sin", "she's a grotty old tub").
If she has a boy's name, she's still she. "Boy James", "King Edward", "Sir David Attenborough"? The pronoun is she.
If it's a dumb barge (no engine), you say it. But if it's a rowing boat (no engine), you say she.
I hope this has cleared things up so that you may not be in danger of misgendering floating objects.
Hit "view post" and lost it
everyone's talking about the ibs/autism haha funny comparison thing while I'm still stuck on the concept that hamsters exist in the wild. like naturally
tf do you mean they're a wild creature. you find those ankle-biters at the pet store
Not a biologist, but the evolution of mammals is way more granular than you might expect. Humans are the sole surviving species of the genus Homo, which was a real party before the other ones went extinct. You're in for a fun time.
Domestic cats are believed to be domesticated not from tigers, but from the African wildcat:
Which evolved to be small just because it's sometimes more useful to be small.
And no, hamsters are not off-brand rats. They're part of the rodent order, which includes beavers, moles, capybaras, guinea pigs (yes, also wild) and lots of other fun things:
Shit. This dude knows an extreme amount about a niche subject. Crazy what you can accomplish when you have treatment resistant IBS
I want it on record that I shit mostly normal.
im currently completely losing it about the great stalacpipe organ. are you fucking kidding me they made an organ out of a CAVE???? IT TAKES UP THREE ACRES??? i legit am about to lose it
this is a comment left on a recording of moonlight sonata played on an organ that is literally made out of a cave and its making me so emotional its not even funny
[image id: a youtube comment that reads ‘wonderful…and the moon has never shone there…’ end id.]
All that and no pictures??
According to Wikipedia, it works by hidden rubber mallets on the naturally-musical stalactites that tourguides have been knocking on for over a century. The guy who made the organ may have gotten the idea when his son whacked his head on a stalactite.
Here’s a video. It is hauntingly beautiful.
In case anyone is looking, here’s the link to the video op mentions.
https://youtu.be/HsKUUn29tSs
Let's make a catbird
Grey catbirds (Dumetella carolinensis) are one of my many faves. Let's make a catbird.
jaunty angles
burbling away loudly but invisibly within a dense bush
emerging to peer at you from a branch
little black cap
MYEHH
a little mimicry for a treat
handsome shade of slate grey
Literally amazing that there’s a predator that goes “mrrp” and you’re allowed to have one in your house
Dahling you simply must read this book! It’s all about this devious little caterpillar who simply gorges himself on all manner of divine things