nightmare / daydream

taylor. 28. est. semi-selective writer.

[fearhidden]

𝒇𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒉𝒊𝒅𝒅𝒆𝒏. independent, highly selective, low activity multi-muse writing blog featuring original characters written by t, 25+, est.

please be sure to read my guidelines. i'm not always going to be the quickest when it comes to replies. i write to have fun, so i'm going to do my best to be limiting the amount of threads i have going at one time. if you're interested in writing with me, don't hesitate to reach out via dms. at this point, i'm only writing with my mutuals. there will be mature themes on this blog. i will not write with anyone under the age of twenty1.

currently writing. drafts: 0. starters owed: 0.

current muses. link here. guidelines. link here.

[kaizsche]

DAISY EDGAR-JONES as NOA FRESH (2022)

[rpmusingsnmore]

[nevergoodenough-4u]

[rcsegld]

"you weren't expecting it?" roman dared to ask, noting the tone. she didn't seem pleased, excited, elated, like someone who had just gotten engaged was likely to be. for all he knew, her feelings on that kind of commitment could have changed in the two years that now separated them. had changed, based on what he'd just witnessed, and yet...

when she turned to order, his gaze followed the movement. he didn't comment on the fact that she remembered his drink of choice, though he couldn't help the slight tug on his lips as he fought to suppress a smile. "thanks. so do you." it wasn't a lie. despite the apparent chagrin for the ring now perched upon her ring finger, she was still as beautiful as the day he'd last seen her. more so, if that were possible. "i'm good. what about you? how's life been treating you?"

[fearhidden]

"not really, no." she wondered if he'd done it on purpose — failed to mention his desire for something more permanent because he knew how she felt. had they spoke on forever? sure, but the attorney hadn't considered the idea coming to life in the form of a proposal she would've said no to if an entire room of people hadn't of been eagerly watching on. "what the fuck," she exhaled beneath her breath, the newly placed engagement ring burning her skin with every racing thought.

the only calm she felt in the storm of emotions swirling through her entire being was him. the smell of his cologne, the sound of his voice. a cold, bitter laugh rolled off her cherry coated lips. was she happy to hear he was doing well? sure. was she eager to answer for herself? no. "if you would've asked me a couple of hours ago, i would've said life's fine. work keeps me busy and greg is... he's great. he understands the importance of what i'm doing and the long hours."

she could be gone for days at a time, buried beneath a caseload and every time, greg welcomed her home. he was patient, kind, and everything most women longed for in a husband, but he wasn't roman and no amount of alcohol was going to change that deafening thought. "do you want to get some air? i can't," she trailed off, hand waving around the buzzing room. it was loud and she feared what would happen if one more person asked to see the rock atop her hand. "i can't be here right now."

[etxrnaleclipse]

"I'd disagree with you that it's wasted on you." Vera corrected, glad that they had the kind of connection they did. They weren't exactly made to be together, at least not long term, but they cared for one another and had a shared love for their son. Nothing about it was conventional, but she didn't mind that.

"To this day, I think there's only one time you did say no. And it lasted all of thirty seconds?" She chuckled, standing from the seat in order to pour them both a drink. Was it wise to be drinking together like this? Possibly not, but she wanted to ensure that he was ok.

[fearhidden]

"i think you just like disagreeing with me." he flashed a small, toothy grin at the woman and shrugged lazily. was he worth worrying about? probably, but it was worry that could be placed elsewhere and eventually would be. kids weren't easy, but if their son was anything like him, she'd need to reserve all the worry in the world.

nic nodded shamelessly, accepting the truth with ease. he was a pushover and hated using the word no. "crazier shit has happened." he tapped lightly against the wooden table and forced a held breath from his lungs. "how've you been, v?"

[murkywvters]

Eva swallowed softly under Xavier's knowing smile. The intimate history they shared would make anyone blush. Thinking about all the times she spent tangled up in his bedsheets felt like a lifetime ago. Did the memories of his touch occasionally creep into her thoughts on the nights Eva was plagued with loneliness? Maybe.. but she would never admit that to a single soul. Especially Xavier.

"Yeah, for the last few years now. I've always loved the fashion industry." As comfortable as she felt with her former client, it was surreal to tell him about her passions and the goals she had achieved. The topic of her personal life had never been up for discussion when they were together. They commutated better through physical means. "I'll have a glass of Merlot." She shifted slightly under Xavier's gaze, pushing a piece of hair behind her ear. "What about you? Do you still have the same job?"

[fearhidden]

pride swelled in his chest, surprise absent. it was never a matter of if she would ever do something more, but when. "i'd say you're perfect for the job." he didn't know anyone better fit than her. she was gorgeous, always dressed to impress, and had a natural aurora about her that he'd always favored. the latter something he had found himself thinking about more often than he should have.

another quiet mutter of appreciation was given to the bartender who wasted no time in pouring their drinks, one glass of merlot, one whiskey neat. "i do. it's still a big part of my life, but i'm trying to take a few steps back." being an attorney wasn't easy, but being a civil rights attorney that took on more pro bono cases than not? that was a challenge. "hasn't really worked out well for me so far," he added beneath a low chuckle and small smile.

[fearhidden]

a plot based off “use me” by pvris ft. 070 shake.

[murkywvters]

Looking back at Xavier felt like remembering a memory Eva had long forgotten. Her life had changed entirely since she quit escorting. Reminiscing about that time in her life wasn't exactly a favorite past time of hers. While she was grateful for walking away from the experience without a traumatic story haunting her, Eva wasn't proud of what she did. Her family, friends, no one knew about that part of her past and she wanted to keep it that way. "You got a point there. We already did that when we first met.

The tiniest of smirks reached Eva's lips. His sense of humor was still the same. If she had to run into any of her former clients like this, Eva felt somewhat thankful that it was Xavier. He had a way of making her feel comfortable in what should have been an uncomfortable situation. "Lucky for you I can't run in heels," she quipped. "I guess a drink and catching up it is."

[fearhidden]

heat crept up the back of his neck and color settled atop his cheeks as the smell of her perfume filled his head. crescent moon ghosts burned atop his thighs and ached at his shoulders, the evidence of their history together long gone. "i'd say we know one another beyond that." he flashed a wolf-like grin down at the woman, thankful that she couldn't hear the thrumming in his chest. all memories of their past aside, there was a comfort in seeing her again, one that he wasn't sure he was supposed to feel.

and then there was the fire building deep in his stomach.

"lucky me," he exhaled, teeth sinking into his bottom lip to keep his smile at bay. it was odd how easy things still were. "so, a stylist, huh?" xavier knew nothing of the woman's life now, but his own story hadn't changed all that much. he was still the same man who put nearly every waking moment into his career. "what are you drinking?" he leaned into the side of the wooden bar as he tossed his card gently onto it's surface. "i'll take a whiskey. neat," he added, gaze never leaving the woman he was eager to catch up with.

[murkywvters]

open to: 30+ m/f

plot: eva used to be an escort (who used a fake name) when she ran into some financial troubles. eva walked away from that life a few years ago and is now a successful personal stylist. eva has been anxious to date since she stopped being an escort. a friend convinces eva to go on a blind date with your muse. the only problem is your muse used to be one of one eva's top clients.

"You're my blind date?" Eva had the strongest urge to turn around and run for the door. Her first attempt back into the dating world was already turning into an epic disaster. Eva was trying to put her past behind her and instead it was sitting right across the table from her. "This isn't awkward at all," she released an anxious laugh. Deciding against dramatically running out of the restaurant, Eva joined the other at the table. She had never really been on a formal date with her former client. Their meetings usually took place behind closed doors, which only made the situation more awkward. "I don't know about you but I could go for a really strong drink."

[fearhidden]

he did enough good in the world to cancel out the darker parts of his life, didn't he? if the scales were put to the test, he believed (mostly) that they'd to the favorable side of redemption. even as his gaze traveled down the frame he knew better than anyone could've imagined. "at least we get to skip the other awkward stages."

the exchanging of names, the small pleasantries bred from nervousness and coated in bullshit. "could be worse," he teased smoothy, a hint of amusement layered in his voice. from what he remembered, it could've been much worse. "how about we grab that drink," he trailed off, gaze meeting with hers as he nodded towards the bar, "and then we can play catch up if you decide running for the hills isn't the better option."

[heavenstrvck]

she smiled, the pauses between them comfortable - compared to what she was going through a few minutes prior. "i'm afraid i'm not that imaginative. i do have a brother and his name's owen." ellis admitted with a soft chuckle. at this point, mateo already probably knew more about her than her date had asked during their whole encounter.

the brunette raised an eyebrow at his counter-effort, chuckling softly. "i don't think he'd be that nice about it, but thank you." it's agreeable - the feeling suddenly of being safe, not having to look around for escape, but instead wanting to be present in the moment. she nodded slowly. "yep. resident in the e.r. for another year and a half." she liked that he'd paid attention to what she'd said. "what about you? any job besides the saving damsels in distress from terrible dates?"

[fearhidden]

"are you two close?" again, he wondered if it was an overstep, if asking any other questions at all was more than she'd bargained for. curiosity was a natural thing, even more so for a man who made a living out of knowing what questions to ask. "good thing he's no longer here." the detective had done a completed a quick sweep of the room, no short-fused jerk in sight. well, at least the one that had been at her side was nowhere to be found.

rather than give the man without a name any further thought, mateo shifted his attention fully to her, the resident doctor he hoped he'd never have to see while on duty. "i bet that keeps you pretty busy. never a dull moment, huh?" if he understood anything, it was how demanding a career choice could be. her question was met with a quiet, almost shy chuckle. "damsel in distress? give yourself more credit. you saved yourself. i was just there."

after all, it was her that had weaved the excuse with ease. he'd just played along well enough to complete it. "homicide detective. three years in now."

[kaizsche]

DAISY EDGAR-JONES as NOA FRESH (2022)

[thesubwcy]

alice had been too busy to respond to letty’s questions, only snapping out of it when she had noticed her voice rising. the handywoman looks over her shoulder, already accustomed to having been down this road before. “oh, i’m looking for a ladder. there’s a kitten stuck in a tree that i need to get,” she explains, “mine broke. so i can’t get it right now, but the little girl in my flat wants it.”

admittedly so, she wasn’t too sure if they’d carry them. she knows they come with the trucks but it feels like that’s an obvious place to store one in the middle of the night, especially when it's open. “i can go somewhere else if need be, you seem like you’re busy anyway.”

[fearhidden]

kitten, ladder, little girl. she silently turned over the words, silently hoping that she'd gotten it wrong. "and you thought you'd just borrow one from the station to help out," she exhaled, wondering how such a thing made sense to anyone. she considered brushing the woman off, saying that there were fresh out of kitten-saving, community-lending ladders. instead, she pushed herself upwards, the opportunity providing an excuse to get her out of what she considered her version of hell.

"i'll help." she'd simply grab the ladder they used to change the high ceiling bulbs and put it back after. "but i'm the one climbing the ladder. you can give the kitten to the little girl." it wasn't about the credit or the lack thereof, but the avoidance of any further trouble stemming from the self-proclaimed rescue. "let me grab my jacket. then we'll swipe the ladder and you can take me to the tree."

[etxrnaleclipse]

Cont. from @fearhidden || Vera and Nicolas (x)

"I know you do. It's something I admire about you, but still... Doesn't stop me worrying. It's what I do best." She mostly said it as a joke, because her sometimes extreme level of worry for those she cared for was sometimes borderline on overbearing, but at the same time, she meant it. She wanted Nic to do well, wanted their son to see what a great guy his father could be, but she feared that this was not going to help with that. He was capable of many things, he just was yet to find something perfect to show that. Reaching up her hand, she gently cupped his cheek, letting her thumb run over the skin there. "Do you want a drink?"

[fearhidden]

"don't waste your worry on me." if their son was anything like him, he'd need all the worry both of them could muster. he flashed a faint, toothy grin at her, his own teasing counter low in amusement. he worried too. usually that their son would be more like him than not. nic sucked in a low breath, the woman's touch as comforting as it was surprising. "when have you ever known me to say no?" that was usually how they found themselves entangled, wasn't it? only to pull apart when the liquor left their veins and the morning sun welcomed them back to reality.

[noirflavoured]

yes, they’d pay them to leave. hell, they’d pay them to never, ever come back. such a light, offhand comment dragged a muted laugh from row. maybe not even a laugh—just a smile. something small, fragile, like her opinion of herself. who am i? why am i here? she didn’t have answers to those questions, but she did know one thing—nic’s response had genuinely, unexpectedly made her smile. " you’re right. " she said, scratching the tip of her nose. a habit. whenever emotions got too close—too real—she found herself doing that. scratching. fidgeting. distracting.

" nic. give me a break. stop selling me this philosophical bullshit. " she shifted her weight, moving around like she could shake off whatever was creeping under her skin. her bony hands pressed against the worn-down wooden bench. it had seen years, decades. older than her and nic combined. and time? time was moving too fast. too damn fast. she had started hiding the stray grays creeping into her chocolate hair, fingertips smoothing over them like she could erase the proof of it all slipping by.

i’m always here to listen or help. that sentence never sat right with her. it unsettled something deep in her gut, made her scratch her nose again. is he, though? is he really here? and who the hell am i to him now? did he still think about her when the sun sank too low to remind him of his daily responsibilities? did she cross his mind when his fingers got tangled in some other woman’s hair? when he inhaled the scent of someone new, did it ever pull him back to her? she hated that she still remembered his touch. she hated even more that she wasn’t sure if she could blame it for her failures. maybe it was just the weight of everything else—the job, the exhaustion, the relentless need to make their son’s life better. " i’ll try to remember that. " she didn’t say same. she couldn’t.

she lifted her head sharply as he kept talking about work, refusing to slouch down. she never spoke about her job around their son—wanted to keep his young imagination as far from it as possible. " we were both meant to work our asses off—just in different ways. " the cigarette’s dying ember smothered beneath the worn-out sole of her shoes. " but it got me thinking about taking gardening classes. " the moment she said it, a chill crawled up her spine. no. a bottle of whiskey. the porch bench. that was how it started before. she couldn’t go there again. wouldn’t. " haven’t had a good whiskey in a while. " she murmured, already seeing the night play out in flickering memories. the decision had already been made. " you want to stay outside? i’ll grab the glasses. theo’s at that kid’s house— " she should be glad he was socializing, but the whole situation made her uneasy. still, it gave her an excuse to linger. " and i know i’ve been complaining about him not going out, but this kid…" she ran a hand through her hair, exhaling sharply. " i’ll get the glasses. just… just wait here. i mean, you can sit down or whatever. give me a sec. "

[fearhidden]

his chest tightened and pulse quickened in response to the way her lips curved upwards at the corners. even after all this time, the sight was enough to make him weak at the knees. it was a wonder he could even hear himself think, but her voice grounded him to the very real moment. the one he'd dreaded coming into, but now wasn't sure he wanted to walk away from. "care to say that again? a little louder this time," he teased, his gaze dropping to the ground. him being right about something? it was a cold day in hell apparently.

"it's not bullshit." maybe coming from someone else, but coming from him? that wasn't his play. he was a realist, his honesty often met with disapproval from those unprepared to hear it. "it's the truth. this world keeps going even if we don't want to." life was a bitch and didn't care about convenience or how ready someone was to endure it. if anyone knew that, it was him.

the offer laid out for her was his best attempt at the olive branch neither of them ever seemed to keep alive. just when they'd work out their differences, something would knock them off kilter again, leaving the pair to start again whenever the time was right. usually, that meant waiting for theo to bring them back together again, the kid often posing as their olive branch in question.

when she finally spoke again, nic offered a few acknowledging nods and blew out a quiet breath. he knew what that meant in harlow's terms. it meant that he'd get a call from a fortune five-hundred company before she reached out and asked for help and if he hadn't of known her so well, that would've stung. instead, it triggered his curious mind to wander. how did she clear her head when it was all too much? was it always a case pulling her out during the late hours, or were some of those s.o.s. calls a means to clinging to her own sanity?

a fist clenched tightly at his side, knuckles ghosting white as he considered someone else's hands on her. he nipped at the inside of his cheek until the taste of iron coated his tongue. jealousy? he was no stranger to the little green monster, but it always took him by surprise. what the hell did he care if she blew off steam with another? he did the same thing, often with women he couldn't even remember by name. were her ventures as meaningless as his own?

"still trying to figure out what the hell i was meant to do." he'd tried it all and at his age, there weren't many options left. it was another thing he'd always admired about her and truth be told, he hoped it was something their son took notice in too. the last thing he needed was to be a role model for the boy who'd already taken enough after him. "gardening classes?" his brows raised, but something about her follow up and commitment to the whiskey left him wondering if there was more to the comment than she'd given him. by her tone, he doubted he'd find out.

it was nice out, the cool breeze not holding the same bite it had a month ago. it wasn't what he'd had in mind, but he nodding, caving to the suggestion as easily as she'd made it. outside was nice and maybe, just maybe, the cool breeze would the very thing they needed to avoid the warmth brought on by the bottle.

he watched, shamelessly, as the dark haired woman disappeared inside for glasses. if he'd had it his way, straight from the bottle would've been just fine. his gaze lifted as the sound of footsteps closed in on him, the woman and two glasses returning. "this kid," he mused, echoing the statement she'd muttered moments earlier before volunteering as tribute to grab glasses for the both of them, "what are we gonna do about him, row?"

[beldcm-deactivated20251007]

Kaia knew that she wasn't owed an explanation. That it wasn't fair to put this on the other out of nowhere. It was clear that Letty had been taken off guard, yet the panic that came from her panicked Kaia. Her feelings towards the other were no secret; hiding how she felt had never been a skill Kaia managed to perfect. But with just three words that had been spoken so casually, Kaia had managed to take their relationship to the next level. "How?" Kaia questioned with a slight tilt of her head, "How is it complicated?" While her words seemed demanding, Kaia just wanted to talk; she needed to know if this relationship had a future.

[fearhidden]

she had no one to blame but herself. she had rules — the do's, the dont's, lines drawn in the sand. commitment was a pill to swallow and a selfish one too, the latter tied to her acceptance of an early fate. if the flames didn't consume her, all those toxic fumes eventually would. "because," she exhaled, dark hues falling to the floor as she shuffled through her list of excuses. which did she give this time?

"because i know what my future looks like. or i did," she corrected, lifting her head to meet the other's gaze. that woman — that woman across from her made her entire world tilt on it's axis. "this... this has been the single best thing to ever happen to me. you," she mused, taking a beat to consider the weight of her own thoughts as much as the liquor would allow, "you are the best person i've ever met, kaia. i've had fun and i like us. i do. it's just, i'm scared."

who would've guessed that a woman who made a living by running into active fires could be so scared? "i'm scared because my job... it's not your average nine to five. it comes with big risks and big expectations and before you, it didn't really matter what happened at the end of a shift." her parents would argue that it always mattered, but this... this was different.

"i want to be fair to you and i feel like saying it back makes it real and making it real means having conversations. big ones." the ones that would've struck equal amounts in fear in most.

[deathrcll]

he didn't understand her point, but that was probably her point. randomly seeing her out malachi hadn't thought anything of saying hello to her instead of acting like she was a stranger only to encounter a brick wall as if he was some creep that didn't know how to take a hint rather than her having been in his bed. ‘ yeah, you got it, letty. ’ he may not have understood and not been able to empathize, but he knew when to back off and not accidentally be a burden to someone either. ‘ don't worry about it. ’ 

[fearhidden]

uncertainty and anger coursed through her veins. "wait," she pleaded, fear striking her hard at the mere thought of him walking away and not looking back. she wouldn't blame him for it and less selfish version of herself would have let him. "i don't know how to do this, okay?" it was a confession, one that had taken every ounce of what little pride she still possessed. "i work with a lot of jerks and i don't want to give them another reason to give me more hell than they already do."