Totally Unfiltered

*I own everything except the profile picture and gifs*

[sappysobstory]

Whenever I get bad reception, I always find that walking around the house, holding my phone to the ceiling, and offering it up to the reception gods seems to work nicely.

[sappysobstory]

Tmw you spend half the morning getting ready and your friends cancel plans

[sappysobstory]

Pro Tip:

Don't brush your tongue right after you spray Febrees in your bathroom.

[sappysobstory]

“Herngerhendenemlkk”

-Me laughing at my own jokes.

[sappysobstory]

I feel like I’ve been shorted because all my guy friends have really great eyelashes, but I’m stuck with short, thin ones. Seriously, what are they going to use their eyelashes for? They don’t put on mascara or anything like that!

[sappysobstory]

When you literally have 1 note, but that doesn’t stop you from posting. 💁🏼‍♀️

[sappysobstory]

Me: *pets dog*

*washes hands because dog is dirty*

*looks at dog*

*pets dog again*

[sappysobstory]

Why isn’t there more jerky in beef jerky packs?? Do the packagers of beef jerky not realize that I can eat a whole bag by myself in one sitting?

[sappysobstory]

Me: *only knows how to make Mac n Cheese*

Me: *gets distracted while making Mac n Cheese*

Me: *burns Mac n Cheese*

[sappysobstory]

A new study suggests that there’s nothing worse than being hungry and covered in soft blankets at the same time. I’d say it’s worse than childbirth.

[sappysobstory]

If I had a dollar for every productive thing I’ve done today, I’d still be broke.

[sappysobstory]

I’m like a fork– empty on the inside, but also full of food.

[sappysobstory]

Me saying goodbye to my sleep after watching a horror movie.

[sappysobstory]

How to get shot at the dinner table: a step-by-step guide.

1. Be a 13-year-old boy.

2. Do literally anything.

That’s it! Hope you enjoy!

[sappysobstory]

If someone asks you to suck it, just reply with, “Don’t you get enough of that at home?”

[sappysobstory]

Me: *runs to the bathroom during commercials to not miss any of the movie*

Also me: *ends up pooping through the commercials, past the movie, and into the next year*