[sarashayu]

actually, I just cleaned up my folder and decided to upload some screen captures so I can erase all of it immediately.

[sarashayu]

[sarashayu]

When I arrive, will you come and find me?

Or in a crowd, be one of them?

[sarashayu]

1 year

August is remarking one year i went back to Indonesia for good. The decision which by the time I have never regret. I worked back then for an emerging firm, in which i learned how to handle a project in a different phase. Did a weekly meeting and coordinated with other disciplines. Even I got my first TABG (It was kind of city planning team who curated/ made a decision whether the building can be built/not). I came only to realize that my interest on many spectrum can’t be handled only by working on the studio. Some offerings came by, including working abroad, in which a good opportunity to take by. In the end, I asked my self what do i really want to be? If you want to contribute why always later? why always this is not the time?

The 2nd round was the hardest, I juggled between many things, even it has something to do with what I love, but still, i couldn’t concentrate on design much which is bad. Even it turned out to be okay but still the feelings,’i-can-make-it-better’- of my impostor is still there. In this phase, I learned to get to know my country better. I visited the place I have never imagined, I met people from so many backgrounds in which maybe if I didn't take this opportunity couldn't enlarge my circle and way of thinking. Couldn't thank all the people in this place enough :)

And here i am now, just finished my morning exercise session (which i hope started by this day). It was just the beginning of my 3rd round, the phase I hope i enjoyed that much. Designing whilst keep my excitement on theoretical things.

To Indonesia, for making all the things happened. For never giving up on making all the things better. I embrace this love and hate relationship, and hopefully can be part of your journey of doing and making things happen. Not only complaining. Like what jokowi said, kerja kerja kerja. Bad comment always there anyway :)

NB: I am still as clumsy and as silly as before(+stubbornes)

[sarashayu]

simple things

I met three little girls who climbed the hill just to see what I did on site. Then I gave them my sketch to be colored.

“kakak bagus sekali ini. berapa harganya ini di tempat kakak? disini mahal sekali”

they said it when they saw my set of crayons. Then I told them on the last day of my stay that I would give it, but they should keep it for communal using.

One of the girl, named mela, gave her drawing for me with my name written on the paper and her signature

“kakak kesini lagi kapan? pasti besok juga sudah lupa dengan sa”

---------------------------------

[sarashayu]

Self Love

some notes to do are

tryin’ to lettin’ go what I can’t have in life

I can’t control everything

sleep & rest better

[sarashayu]

saya baru saja menonton film kulari ke pantai, membuat saya bernostalgia ke masa2 kecil ketika orang tua saya suka membawa kami road trip dan melewati kota-kota kecil, berhenti di tempat makan yang otentik di beberapa kota yang dilewati. Membuat saya berpikir, jikalau nanti saya punya kesempatan saya harus meneruskan tradisi ini. Bocah yang memainkan peran sebagai samudra cantik indonesia sekali (rambutnya kemerahan, kulitnya terpapar matahari). Soundtracknya juga membuat saya tersenyum-senyum dan ingin ikut bernyanyi (salah satunya lagu ini, lagu kesukaan saya di awal2 lulus kuliah). Anw di akhir juga ada terselip satu percakapan yang maknanya dalam menurut saya, ketika Uci ngobrol dengan kakaknya, saya yakin sih adegan2 seperti ini sering terjadi di sekitar kita, tentang pilihan-pilihan hidup yang berbeda. Yang tidak menjadikan yang satu lebih unggul dari yang lain, hanya masalah keputusan yang mana yang diambil. 

Kehidupan orang dewasa itu ternyata memang masalah apa yang dipilih dan ikhtiar menjalaninya tanpa tengok-tengok rumput tetangga, karena Gusti Allah iku mboten sare :)

PS: bucket list terdekat adalah cepetan harus bisa nyetir yang lancar *ahahahaha

[lifeofan-architecturestudent]

To Fix Architecture, Fix the Design Crit  By Ross Brady

Featured image by Andrea Vasquez

In architecture, the act of formally critiquing design is ubiquitous. The crit, as its called, is almost a rite of passage. And while the format of this practice is universal, its objective, goals and ultimate purpose are unfixed, beyond a broad and often vague imperative to make a given design better. This is a problem because it leaves a foundation of the profession to take the form of whatever discussion happens to arise between a designer and a critic. If the expectation of empirical evidence for design decisions were introduced as the basis of a design crit, the cumulative effects of this change could improve the credibility of the entire discipline.

[sarashayu]

I once read a statement, “How architects talk: “Spatiality, interrogation, materiality, praxis.” What the rest of the world hears: “Blah, blah, blah.” Poor communication skills start in architecture school & get worse from there.” somehow the design crit builds my inner self to move around the lines between defending my opinion and had to think about criticizing someone else’s panels (nah!) 

[sarashayu]

Sabar

Hari ini saya bertemu bocah perempuan, santun dan pintar, masih kelas satu SD. Saya bertugas memberi cerita soal nusantara ke bocah ini. Ketika sedang main games (karena saya cenderung determine memperjuangkan anak2 kelompok saya wkwkwk), si anak meraih pipi saya, menangkupkan tangannya, dan meletakkan matanya ke mata saya, “Sabar..”

Saya cuma bisa tersenyum dan seketika jadi ingat banyak hal. Kesabaran agaknya memang perlu masuk kurikulum belajar saya. 

[sarashayu]

tear up

the beginning of the week was a mess, I felt like I divided myself into too many things, and I am not being 100% into all the jobs. But at least it went well :) 

Think that to write up every once a week to reflect what already passed, because it is helping me cleanse my toxic. One thing I realize doing this week is whatever people said about multitasking, still we should have the main priority (because your body is no longer young, dude).

Meet several new people this week. One is a young architect, he is doing several midrise/highrise/mixed use building and on his way to get his IPTB license. It was a short talk between waiting for gojek driver to pick me up. Each of us has different issues towards what we are doing now. The other is a working mom, she is used to be in a band which I adore back then. She is still running her band, being a lecturer, working in a community, finishing her doctoral, and manage her time with her only daughter(and of course supporting husband). I think it is sweet when she mentioned how nervous she is because of her daughter who is in the 1st grade of elementary will having her exam, “ I feel like she will have her SNMPTN (kind of exam to enter uni) already”

Knowing that everybody has its portion and working their pain ass are always be some kind of reminder to me. If it possible, while working towards your life, you should help others too to work on their dream, at least by being nice and said that they are doing great. So whoever reads this, I wish you a very good luck. You are resilient and loved!

Several deals made up and I am both excited and nervous, hoping that everything will go well :)

NB: went to bdg in a packed time,didn't have time to meet anyone or grab some fav street food. But I am so happy just to pass dago on the night, reminds the younger version of me, more than enough.

[sarashayu]

purpose driven life

last night I was working on budgeting scheme for our next project, the client is an inspiring couple, strong as individual and thoughtful as a couple. Since our office now is still virtual, I talked by phone with my partner to coordinate everything. It was Saturday night, people were enjoying the talk with their family/their relatives, i was alone, in the corner with my laptop, tryin’ to deal with numbers.  We are kind of switch the schedule, on the afternoon I had visited an exhibition with friends, and my partners are working. And on the night is the other way. I was working and she was having quality time with her friend, the other is also working on the schedule part.

The client is so happy with the scheme, and so do we. I don’t know why it feels so much different before, I do understand now how it feels when somebody else believes in you. And trust you to be part of their little dream, even it just as simple as a house, a nest.

Having my mom asking about my schedule to goin’ back home. I am as excited as her to spend my holiday at hometown (even it packed with workin’ on a scheme also). 

Another thing is full of love and happiness, since some people in my circle taking their relationship higher(engaged), just like the royal wedding. ahahaha i am as happy as they are to hear such news <3

NB: this week is also packed with an opportunity to do a studio review at uni, goin’ to meubelair workshop, arranging tender, and goin’ to Bandung for a work. Finger crossed for all the goodwill. And Ramadhan Kareem for everyone!  I do have a special space for the holy month <3

[sarashayu]

Beberapa hal yang saya sadari ketika bertambah usia adalah saya semakin berpikir sederhana tentang hubungan termasuk hubungan saya dengan benda-benda dan kepemilikan. Betapa skrg ketika membeli sesuatu atau memesan makanan, rasa-rasanya semua dipikir ulang. Terlalu banyakkah? Akan habiskah? Butuhkan saya akan hal itu?

[sarashayu]

Things to remember 

1. don’t be over drama

2. you don’t need to give explanation to everyone 

3. people only want to hear what they want to hear, they never really listening to you, but don’t be like that.

4. ldr is totally bullshit

5. lower your expectation, so you don't need to go through -broken-then-trying to built pieces by pieces-then it happen again.  Your heart has a limited capacity of broken, use it wisely.

6. Read more, throw your phone. 

7. No one loves you more than your parents and your sister. Always put them in your 1st priority.

[sarashayu]

April

tough it will burn your bones and pull your existential part to the highest level, but be still heart, be still. 

[sarashayu]

those who saved me for suffering alone

Beberapa hal yang disyukuri di 2017 ini adalah lingkaran-lingkaran terdekat yang selalu bisa tidak cuma menasehati tetapi menegur bila saya sudah kelewatan. Instead of writing for my self. I am writing here for them, beautiful souls. All of our surrenders, in the making, but still their kindness to spent time listening to me are precious, you guys really don’t know how it saves me many times on the hardest day.

Sinta

Her clear vision to see the world always amazed me. She always can adapt to many conditions and bring the best in her, whatever the situation is. Sometimes she doesn’t realize her strength and asked me for assurance, she thinks she is not good enough compare to others. Do you know sin? Every time i get heartbreak or my world seems like falling apart, i always remember you and your unbeatable spirit, then i know this is just another storm. I wish you abundant happiness this year.  You deserve so many good things in the world, love you!

Sri

Sri is like my shield, She is going through many things and never lets her self to be the center of everything. She thinks about others and what they called ‘society’. Her compassion and her bright mind don’t let her be a superwoman, she shows that to be vulnerable is okay. She barely changes her mind once she decides, and never judges people. Hahahah I remember that day when i texted her after i got a major heartbreaking, “oh jadi ini ya rasanya waktu chairil anwar nulis ‘terpanggang tinggal rangka’?” and she could get it, not everyone can understand the phrases we used (who the hell still using poems as part of their daily metaphor).

Eva

Eva is like my mirror but in a better way. She always can handle everything and being so nice to everyone. She maybe seems doesn’t care, but she does care a lot than anyone i know. She is the one you can guff all your anxiety and random stuff. This year she got her laurea, the one she handled it tight, with all her overthinking world. I wish her warmth can sparks everywhere she goes, so many people adore you va!

Tatyana

Tatyana, once is a little sister to me. Who is teasing me around with my serious way of seeing the world. But now, she is the one who taking care all my unsettling thought. She is the strongest person with her ability to handle her own ego. She is realistic, in this part i should learn more from her. She also always gives her best for Indonesia. The term is so heavy i knoooow! But she really does think bigger than her circle. Love you tats! Be a Jedi and conquer the world, will ya?

Dinda

Dinda never absents in all my phase of life, even though we were so different. Her companion is one of blessing. All the silly talks, the simple things, her simple way to remind me not to be too hard for my self, think more about settle life and take care my health is precious. 2018 will be amazing for her! Marriage and all the things that follow! (i am so excited to be aunty too!)

Adit& Mas Danys

Adit and mas Danys are like my missing older brother, with them all your insecurity will fade away. They teach me to laid back sometimes and not to overstress something which hasn’t happened yet. And I couldn’t get through my laurea phase without their laughs. I know, i won’t always with them in their saddest or hardest moment, and boy stuff not to talk, but i hope every time they asked, i can give a hand. Bless you, guys in 2018!

Maria & Kopler

This couple! I feel like i get one buy one great deal. Maria always logic and faithful, Their relationship is always my favorite! I hope 2018 bring the best for both of them as a couple and everything they plan can go side by side.

Tombak & Tridan

Tombak is a soulmate for designing something, i don’t know since when we collaborate in many proposals, it is getting easier to share the idea with him. To all the project we have done and all the future project we want to handle, finger crossed for that (and also for his bright futures ahead). Tridan sometimes will be popped out of nowhere to ask my current life, his existence is like a friend who gives you realistic advice and sings for you a ‘call me maybe’ in a sarcastic way.

Hanif&Dira

Hanif is not only architect mates but a reminder about my self. Since we both like theoretical stuff, all the conversation went so natural about life in general. Dira is a sweet little sister, a passionate learner, and a bright designer. Dira reminds me of the good old phase after i graduated from my bachelor degree (kayak udah mau mati aja kak). For them is thank you for all the shared link and conversation, and i always wish they will be a good designer in the making!

And for all lover, friends, which i can not mention one by one. You are all my blessing! Thank you for all the lessons, I doubt my self a lot during this year, but that was hopefully shaping me to be a better human being.

[sarashayu]

Saya sedang di meja makan bersama ibu saya ketika tayangan tentang abdi dalem keraton muncul di siaran televisi. Saya duduk sambil membaca headline koran dan mengunyah cemilan, Ibu saya entah sedang sibuk apa. Tiba-tiba karena volume kencang, kami sama-sama mendongak ke arah televisi karena apa yang baru saja diucapkan oleh nara sumber tampaknya cukup mengena untuk kami berdua. 

“Dulu sebelum jadi abdi dalem, rasanya selalu kemrungsung (terburu-buru). Rasanya selalu khawatir apa yang akan dimakan besok, apa yang akan dilakukan besok.”

Saya agak-agak terdiam.

“setelah jadi abdi dalem, rasanya lebih sumeleh. Belajar bahwa justru dalam perasaan cukup itu ada yang lebih”

Saya memandang ke Ibu saya. Saya bilang ke beliau,”Iya juga ya”.

Kemarin-kemarin kami berbicara soal pengabdian, soal mbok suli yang sudah ikut keluarga eyang dari kecil, dan memilih untuk tidak menikah. Kami setengah bercanda, ketika saya mengingatkan bahwa Ibu pernah bilang ke saya, “ Mbok Suli kalo disekolahin sih, pasti lebih pinter dari bapakmu.” 

Bukan bermaksud merendahkan Bapak, tapi lebih kepada pujian dan sanjungan kepada Mbok Suli. Almarhumah memang cerdas, waktu kecil saya diajarkan bagaimana caranya menjemur handuk di tali gantungan yang tinggi. Beliau bilang di puntir dulu handuknya sampai memanjang terus lemparkan saja sekuat tenaga dengan memegang ujungnya. Baru kemudian dirapikan. Sampai sekarang. Beliau meninggal beberapa tahun setelah eyang saya meninggal. 

Saya ingat sekali, Mbok suli selalu memanggil kami dengan tambahan ‘den’ (singkatan raden/semacam kehormatan begitulah) atau jika lelaki ‘gus’ singkatan dari bagus. 

Pengabdian-pengabdian semacam ini, terkadang membuat saya bertanya-tanya, harus dibalas dengan apa? 

PS:

Dalam hati, saya selalu berharap punya kualitas seperti mereka.

perasaan cukup. 

[sarashayu]

The other might not understand why you took this way or that way. 

***

And remember dear self, it’s not your responsibility to explain everything to everyone