despite every older man in the world in his same predicament saying it, he really hadn’t sought out sara. the opportunity sort of… fell into his lap that new year's eve. it was sara that initiated the random, but not unwelcomed first kiss. it was sara that wanted the relationship to continue past a drunken makeout session during the new year's party. saul was in no way blameless in their situation, not some hapless participant unhappy with the situation, but if sara hadn’t kissed him first, he never would’ve made the first move. he never would’ve thought of her outside of the context as a mutual friend and fellow providence peak citizen. all that to say he wasn’t innocent. even though their relationship was kept secret for a variety of reasons on both sides, he enjoyed their arrangement.
enjoyed it until two weeks ago, at least. with kate taking temporary residence in his guest room, saul thought it would be disrespectful to invite sara over when he had a roommate. when it came to sara, there weren't any sleepovers where they didn’t have sex at least once, so it wasn’t like he’d have her over for a nice dinner—especially since he didn’t cook unless absolutely necessary—to meet his old friend from new york city. that would’ve ruined the secrecy. not that he thought kate would tell, especially since the only people he thought she knew in providence peak were himself and her ex-husband, but if it was to be kept just to themselves, that meant only themselves.
still, he hadn’t been sexiled since junior year of undergrad. the need was making him sick.
he was a distraction. it was incredibly flattering to his ego, that was undeniable. it was nice to know someone out in the world was thinking that way of him. everyone else in his life, he eventually disappointed in some capacity. his former sister-in-law made no secret of how much she hated him, his ex-wife undoubtedly thought negatively of him, and his son barely answered his calls. he knew it was inevitable that he’d disappoint sara somehow, some day. he had to enjoy being her distraction now. it wasn’t as if his own thoughts weren’t often plagued with her either. in fact, since he couldn’t have her over to his house biweekly like he had for the past four months, he couldn’t stop thinking about sara. the nerve of her to wear that fucking red dress. “i do—actually, i’m relieved. i thought i was the only one suffering.”
were they selling it? did anyone take a look at the pair now and not recognize the unbearable tension between them? saul felt like his nerves were jolted with electricity and there wasn’t anything he could do about it. “it’s okay. it was for a good cause.” money wasn’t exactly an obstacle to saul, anyway. if he spent some money on a venture that didn’t work out, then his lawyer retainer alone would recoup the loss within a month or two. he gritted his teeth the moment sara’s hand brushed against him, trying to focus on her words rather than her touch. quite a fucking effort. “oh, that’s unfortunate.” it seemed that she had an ex-spouse run-in as well that day. at least he wasn’t alone in that regard.
he didn’t want to think about sara’s ex, though. he certainly didn’t want to think about thalia. when sara was around him, he worked hard to not compare the two, or any of his ex-wives, for that matter. it was hard when it felt like thalia—or her older sister, kathleen—were always around every corner. everywhere he went, if he didn’t see either of them, he was reminded of them. it was their hometown, after all. saul was the invader. that was why he tried so hard to foster new relationships, make new memories. new york city would always be his home in his heart, but physically, he was in providence peak for the foreseeable future.
saul didn’t have to look at her to know her resolve was breaking. any façade of calm, casualness was going to be ruined if they didn’t get a hold of themselves. it was easier for him to keep his face stony, but his resolve was breaking, too. “i want to show you how much.” saul responded, forcing himself to focus his eyes on the emptying baseball diamond. “sara—”
just then, a voice called out his name. looking around the bleachers, he found the source of the voice: michelle bryant, former client. he got her a pretty alimony settlement, from what he could remember, but that wasn't rare for saul's clients.
‘saul weissberg! how nice to see you out and about!’
fucking damn it. “hey, ms. bryant. how’re you?” saul asked, his irritation thankfully hidden in his voice. the woman looked between the seated pair, her smile hesitatingly twitching. saul removed his hand from sara’s thigh. “have you met sara before? she works at wonderwell.”