Mommy's Night Before Christmas
‘Twas the night before Christmas, the kids were in bed
Anxiously awaiting the Big Man in Red;
The stockings weren’t hung (we don’t have a chimney),
We just set them down in front of the TV.
Who am I kidding? The kids weren’t sleeping,
The baby was teething, drooling, and weeping;
The preschooler was playing with a million toys,
Driving his cars and making lots of noise.
Half an hour later, the baby passed out,
His brother went to bed (not without a good pout);
I let out a great big sigh of relief,
Then I looked around and thought, “Oh, good grief!”
The house was a mess, the laundry never-ending,
And there was still that ornament that needed mending.
At least were we done hiding that stupid elf,
Went back where he came from, him and his shelf;
Hours passed, we thought we were finally done;
We found more gifts, the fun had just begun;
We were out of wrapping paper and tape,
Reused gift bags put us back in good shape;
I sat down to relax, put my feet up,
Snuggled into a blanket with my tea cup;
A bang outside roused me to my feet,
I peeked out the curtains, looked down the street.
“I don’t think it’s the neighbors,” Daddy said;
“What? You think it’s Santa in his big sled?”
He went to check it out, shot me a look,
And told me to go back to reading my book;
A minute later, I heard a great yell,
And said under my breath, “What the hell?”
I put on my shoes, grabbed the monitor,
Slipped into a coat, and stomped out the door;
The clear winter night brought no Christmas snow,
Instead moonlight washed the yard in a soft glow;
Daddy stood there staring up at the roof;
I hissed, “What are you doing, you big doof?”
He merely pointed, his face full of fear,
And gave a soft whisper, “It’s a reindeer.”
Now, I haven’t believed since I was six,
Thought surely his eyes must be playing tricks;
Then I heard a stomping and a nicker
That made my heart beat a little quicker;
Looking up, I saw the brown muzzle, red nose,
The Fat Man himself, and I simply froze.
Daddy and I exchanged a look of wonder,
The shock could’ve put us six feet under;
I shook my head and came to my senses,
Glared at Santa, went on the offensive;
“Get off my roof, your reindeer too,” I hissed;
I glared at Santa, feeling really pissed;
He laughed, “Don’t end up on my naughty list.”
Clearly this guy wasn’t getting my gist.
“With all due respect, get the hell out of here;
If you wake my kids, you won’t see next year.”
Quiet as a shadow those reindeer took flight,
Santa whispered, “Merry Christmas and good night.”
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