Random Fandom Disaster

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[gazpachoandbooks]

Thinking about how Haymitch has always been dangerous.

He was when they first took him to the games. Snow knew it the second he locked eyes with him- the snake was cruel, yes, but never wasteful, and yet he arranged for a covert meeting with the district 12 tribute to seize him up, attempted to negociate his surrender, used whatever means necessary to put out the defiance in his gaze. He knew instantly that Haymitch was a threat, and devoted himself to drowning him in so much misery that he would never be dangerous again.

He was dangerous when he met Katniss and Peeta. He knew the crowd by then, and played a love song for them masterfully, the boy and the girl as the strings, and it was such a spectacular performance that, when the lights came down, he pulled on them both and brought them back home safe. And despite the standing ovation from the crowd he noticed the shift backstage, and knew darkness was coming for them.

He was dangerous during the Victory Tour. For the first time in 24 years, he had something to lose. Two someones. He guided their steps, kept his guard up and his instructions clear. And when that wasn't enough, when the snake jumped from the ground to try and take everything from him again? Oh, he wasn't just dangerous anymore. He was ready.

And I just realised that one day, all of a sudden, the snake lay dead on the ground, and Haymitch didn't need to be dangerous anymore. And while the world remembers he can be, while the boy and the girl remember the fiery gaze and know it would spark back in a heartbeat should their safety ever be challenged- one day new people meet him, and they have no idea that he is dangerous at all. Annie's kid calls at ungodly hours and talks his ear off about a game he invented at the beach the day before, a lisp in his speech because another baby tooth just fell off. A new girl with braids walks into his house unannounced, leaves her muddy boots and pack to trip him wherever they land on her way to the kitchen, starts rummaging the place for chocolate for them both, and without even a greeting she jumps into a ghost story a friend of hers tried to scare her with at school. A new boy with blond curls dangles from his neck, uncaring of the integrity of Haymitch's windpipe, and screeches in delight as he watches the geese try and fail to nip his toes, just out of reach.

Sometimes, when their adults plan for it, two of the kids wait excitedly on the train station for the third to arrive. To his mother's dismay and Johanna's amusement, as soon as he spots them he forgets he's supposed to be the big, responsible one and tries to jump from the wagon, and then the three of them are off to their secret place, a lake in the woods they can't wait to fill with giggles, their grown-ups struggling to keep up with their pace. When the day stretches and the sun goes down, and the three of them rest their freezing feet and wet, tangled hair and mud-caked arms on Haymitch, and he lets them split what was meant to be his dessert- in those moments, every day more frequent than the last, Haymitch is not dangerous at all. And for those three kids, he has never felt like danger. He's just Haymitch, and he feels like safety.

[igibbydotcom]

Now that SOTR exposed a huge discrepancy between Victors games and their portrayals to the public, there seems to be a pattern. And following this pattern, we can safely assume that a vast majority of Victors are forced to go against everything they stand for. Which I know, duh. But this shows that they’ve already given us the blueprints of who they used to be.

Katniss is forced to be a lovestruck teenaged girl, eager to marry and have kids. But we know Katniss was fiercely independent and down-to-earth and was blatantly against having children because she couldn’t subject them to her cruel world.

Haymitch is a raging alcoholic, who used to be quite the rascal but is now a shell of a man and accepts that death is inevitable. But we know Haymitch was full of love and full of life, he didn’t like drinking and he didn’t just dream of a hopeful future, he fought for it.

Wiress is twitchy and neurotic and often can’t finish her own sentences. But we know she was very well-composed and an intellectual genius, who managed to go an entire games without killing because she outwitted the arena.

Finnick is a deviously charming playboy, infamous sweetheart of the Capitol that only cares for himself. But we know he’s warm and friendly and down to earth, he’s funny and can be trusted with anything.

Peeta managed to get through the games without sabotaging his personality in the process. But then he gets kidnapped and tortured. And then Peeta is angry and overemotional, he’s hateful and scared and doesn’t know what’s real anymore. But we know Peeta is kind and genuine, he’s gentle and he never wanted to be just another piece in their games.

The Johanna we know is angry and loud. She threatens the Capitol with no fear of retaliation and hasn’t loved anyone openly since her games. But we also know she still misses home and depends on drugs to escape reality— she doesn’t search for it like many characters. We hear that she pretended to be weak to win her games via surprise talent. What if she wasn’t pretending, and she really was a scared, emotional kid? What if she faltered once on camera and had to stick to the persona? Maybe she was just another kid the rebellion used. Maybe she was trusting and loving and quiet, and she lost all of that to the Capitol.

Annie is twitchy and anxious and overemotional, to the point that she can’t be trusted with secrets. They all said she lost her mind when her district partner was beheaded. She plays “real or not real” before Peeta does. I wonder if she used to be self-assured and brave and maybe reckless. Maybe the Capitol was taking away her signature ability to see how the world really worked and be someone people relied on.

I’ve seen people speculate that Enobaria filed her teeth into fangs to make herself less appealing, not just because it’s a mark of her signature kill. She voted yes for the games including Capitol children and we never get a read on her character except for her spite. Before the games, was she perhaps an approachable person, someone with empathy and a face that was easily read by others? A teeth-to-throat kill is a terrified, losing animal kill. Maybe she had to throw away all her humanity to survive her games and could never find herself again.

And what about the Victors with Morphling addictions? They were nameless and their identities were stolen entirely by their addictions. But in the girl’s final moments before death, she paints on Peeta’s arm. I wonder if she was an artist, full of wonder and deeply aware of the system she was trapped in. Maybe she loved life and went into her games unwilling to let people make her into a faceless dead tribute but she lost herself by winning.

How much was a cover up? How many Victors lost their lives long before they died? Probably all of them.

[justafewberries]

I can’t stop thinking about “she’s the one we took them to.”

We. Haymitch. He must’ve been more involved back then. It might not matter what the other half of that “we” is, rather, solely the fact Haymitch includes himself. The “I” in the “we”.

And beyond that, he knew Mrs. Everdeen as a healer. Did he go to her after the games? Maybe if his stomach wound was bothering him? Or maybe even as a shoulder to lean on?

[canagaygirlgetanamen69]

My headcanon list for all 75 Hunger Games victors (obviously most of it isn’t canon but idc) <3

Key:

Canon name & year

Canon name & headcanon year

Canon(-ish) year & headcanon name

Completely original character

Headcanon name & year of unidentified Quarter Quell victors

💀 = dead

❤️‍🩹 = alive

Victors 👑:

1 - Victor Carrillo, D11 boy 💀won age 18

2 - Juno Sanchez, D10 girl 💀won age 15

3 - Saylor Raine, D4 boy 💀won age 17

4 - Darning Bradley, D8 boy 💀won age 18

5 - Ivory Calloway, D1 girl 💀won age 18

6 - Harold Fester, D6 boy 💀won age 16

7 - Nettle Sting, D2 girl 💀won age 18

8 - Teddy Malloy, D5 boy 💀won age 17

9 - Lambert Browne, D10 boy 💀won age 15

10 - Lucy Gray Baird, D12 girl 💀won age 16

11 - Mags Flanagan, D4 girl 💀won age 16

12 - Oakley Hunter, D7 boy 💀won age 18

13 - Woof Moore, D8 boy 💀won age 17

14 - Buzz Wallis, D5 boy 💀won age 15

15 - Zayne Wonder, D2 boy 💀won age 15

16 - Celeste Dior, D1 girl 💀won age 17

17 - Maureen Cross, D4 girl 💀won age 16

18 - Rocky Knox, D3 boy 💀won age 18

19 - Bubona Mild, D10 girl 💀won age 17

20 - Chastity Prairie, D9 girl 💀won age 16

21 - Honour Barlowe, D2 girl 💀won age 18

22 - Layne Ferry, D6 girl 💀won age 15

23 - Mako Whimsy, D4 girl 💀won age 17

24 - Mars Chisel, D2 boy 💀won age 18

25 - Bellona Carter, D1 girl 💀won age 18

26 - Sloan Mantra, D3 girl 💀won age 16

27 - Enerio Copper, D5 boy 💀won age 18

28 - Cotton Bow, D8 girl 💀won age 17

29 - Satine White, D1 girl 💀won age 18

30 - Diana Snare, D10 girl 💀won age 16

31 - Seeder Sondaya, D11 girl 💀won age 17

32 - Reed Munday, D2 boy 💀won age 18

33 - Alby Beaver, D5 boy 💀won age 15

34 - Beetee Latier, D3 boy ❤️‍🩹won age 17

35 - Salacia Willows, D4 girl 💀won age 18

36 - Amara Ibarra, D9 girl 💀won age 18

37 - Sierra Valentine, D11 girl 💀won age 15

38 - Porter Millicent Tripp, D5 girl 💀won age 16

39 - Minerva Langford, D2 girl 💀won age 16

40 - Milo Lahey, D9 boy 💀won age 15

41 - Decimus Winslow, D1 boy 💀won age 18

42 - Marina Bay, D4 girl 💀won age 17

43 - Branch Gatz, D7 boy 💀won age 16

44 - Brutus Junius, D2 boy 💀won age 18

45 - Chaff Mayward, D11 boy 💀won age 17

46 - Palladium Barker, D1 boy 💀won age 18

47 - Romulus Chisel, D2 boy 💀won age 18

48 - Neptune Sand, D4 boy 💀won age 18

49 - Wiress Marsh, D3 girl 💀won age 17

50 - Haymitch Abernathy, D12 boy ❤️‍🩹won age 16

51 - Larissa Lyme, D2 girl 💀won age 18

52 - Paladin Cassidy, D1 boy 💀won age 18

53 - Viridian Strange, D10 boy 💀won age 17

54 - Blight Fawley, D7 boy 💀won age 18

55 - Via Plane, D6 girl 💀won age 18

56 - Miller Barley, D9 girl 💀won age 17

57 - Cecelia Redpath, D8 girl 💀won age 16

58 - Hope Cho, D5 girl 💀won age 18

59 - Mortimer Styles, D6 boy 💀won age 16

60 - Bolt Joules, D3 boy 💀won age 17

61 - Valeria Chamberlain, D1 girl 💀won age 15

62 - Enobaria Stone, D2 girl ❤️‍🩹won age 16

63 - Gloss Fairchild, D1 boy 💀won age 15

64 - Cashmere Fairchild, D1 girl 💀won age 16

65 - Finnick Odair, D4 boy 💀won age 14

66 - Rider Oiling, D6 boy 💀 won age 15

67 - Augustus Braun, D1 boy 💀won age 18

68 - Colt Phillips, D10 boy 💀won age 16

69 - Randall Lister, D11 boy 💀won age 18

70 - Annie Cresta, D4 girl ❤️‍🩹won age 17

71 - Johanna Mason, D7 girl ❤️‍🩹won age 17

72 - Ember Dare, D2 girl 💀won age 18

73 - Silas Mann, D2 boy 💀won age 18

74 - Katniss Everdeen & Peeta Mellark, D12 girl & boy ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 won age 16

Amount of victors per district:

District 1 - 11 victors (6 girls, 5 boys)

District 2 - 12 victors (6 girls, 6 boys)

District 3 - 5 victors (2 girls, 3 boys)

District 4 - 9 victors (6 girls, 3 boys)

District 5 - 6 victors (2 girls, 4 boys)

District 6 - 5 victors (2 girls, 3 boys)

District 7 - 4 victors (1 girl, 3 boys)

District 8 - 4 victors (2 girls, 2 boys)

District 9 - 4 victors (3 girls, 1 boy)

District 10 - 6 victors (3 girls, 3 boys)

District 11 - 5 victors (2 girls, 3 boys)

District 12 - 4 victors (2 girls, 2 boys)

Quarter Quell Line-up:

D1 - Cashmere & Gloss Fairchild

D2 - Brutus Junius & Enobaria Stone

D3 - Beetee Latier & Wiress Marsh

D4 - Mags Flanagan & Finnick Odair

D5 - Hope Cho & Alby Beaver

D6 - Mortimer Styles & Via Plane

D7 - Johanna Mason & Blight Fawley

D8 - Cecelia Redpath & Woof Moore

D9 - Chastity Prairie & Milo Lahey

D10 - Viridian Strange & Diana Snare

D11 - Chaff Mayward & Seeder Sondaya

D12 - Katniss Everdeen & Peeta Mellark

[icemav86]

What if Robby and Jack have legitimately only been friends until now. Jack's been mourning his wife and Robby's been in a state where he couldn't even contemplate a real commitment to someone. They're friends---good friends, and they rely on each other and call each other out on their respective shit the way other people can't, but neither of them has been pining. Neither of them has considered anything more than friendship.

But maybe, born out of Jack's fear and Robby's need for connection, the shape of their time together begins to shift. Hugs hello and goodbye linger a little longer. They hold on tighter.

Sitting on the couch to watch the Pens game, settled on their respective sides, morphs into sitting pressed side to side, with Jack's arm over the back of the couch, resting loosely against Robby's neck. Every now and then Jack will play with the fine hairs on Robby's nape.

On a bad pain day, Robby offers to massage Jack's residual limb. Jack curls around Robby in Robby's bed after Robby has a particularly bad day at therapy. They wake tangled together and think nothing of it.

To both of them, this feels like an extension of their friendship. Natural. They way they're meant to be together.

But one day, they're doing something mundane. Putting away dishes. Wrapping up leftovers. And the light streaming into the kitchen hits Jack--illuminates him--in a way that makes Robby's breath catch in his throat. There's no slow build. No wind up. The realization of what Robby feels for Jack hits him, suddenly, with full force.

He's frozen in place, terrified of what must be on his face when Jack pauses his own work to look at Robby with a slight tilt of his head. But then Jack's face softens and he smiles, just a little upturn at the corner of his lips.

"Fuck. Yeah. You're right," Jack says, sounding a little surprised, and walks over to Robby. Puts his palm on Robby's face, smoothing his thumb over the fine skin below Robby's eye. And as naturally as anything else they've done in the years of their friendship, leans in for a kiss.

[snoopyetc]

There were no nice men in Montreal?

[lavenderprose]

Honestly? Honestly the idea of Ilya Rozanov sitting himself down at twelve years old and saying I have GOT to get out of this country. It killed my mother. It's going to kill me. And then growing up a little bit and realizing some Things about himself and saying I have GOT to get out of this country. I have tried and tried and for some reason people keep Knowing What I Am. Ilya, young bisexual man with an apparently pretty clocky affect to his speaking voice. A strong young man with a natural and lovely flamboyance in him, a sweetness he tries to smother and the ability to play hockey like it was bestowed upon him by GOD. I've GOT to get out of here, he thinks to himself. And then he leaves (but not really) does some more growing up and he falls in love only he can't let himself be in love because the lead weight of this country is still tied to him and he thinks I have GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE. Then his father dies and the man he loves says "Come with me" and Ilya says I am NEVER going back!! I will wear my mother's cross and I will think of her every day and she will forgive me for never visiting her grave because her beautiful boy got OUT. I will go to a place where I am loved by a man A MAN who I love more than I ever thought I was allowed. Who holds my face and my hands and my heart. I will find a home for myself in his arms. I will never go fucking back.

[toxicworkplaceyaoi]

imagine being ilya. imagine ur shitbag father dies and you have to sit on that twelve hour flight to go to his funeral. meanwhile all you can think about is your boyfriend. you get there and the millisecond you have wifi you’re sexting your boyfriend. you go to the funeral and your abusive brother tries to fistfight you during the service. you impulsively cut him out of your life and you suddenly realize you can never come home again. you call your boyfriend and sob over the phone to him about how much you love him and how badly you want to be with him but you know you can’t. you silently decide you’re going to break up with him once you get back.

not even one week later, your boyfriend is laying in a crumpled heap on the freezing ice, and all you can think about is finding your mother in that same position. for a single, silent moment, you have literally no one left.

[themoonandmyman]

I think about this constantly but it’s still very rude that you brought it up /j

[1lliad]

my favourite parallel between ilya and scott is that the loss of their parent(s) at the age of 12 created two desperate men; one who is so afraid of losing someone he loves again that he moves the relationship as fast as he can and the other who is so afraid of losing someone he’s loves again that he shuts himself out from the relationship as many times as he can.

[crimsonclad]

MEDIA LITERACY CRISIS EVENT

Heated Rivalry tv show: Repeatedly emphasizes inherent homophobia in hockey culture, explicitly mentions common topic from 2014 Sochi Olympics where a lot of people thought openly queer Olympians might be arrested and imprisoned for even entering Russia to compete, depicts Ilya getting increasingly withdrawn and miserable right before he has to go back to Russia every summer

A disturbing amount of Heated Rivalry viewers: omg why is Ilya acting like this with Shane!!!!!

[shadowmasterthirteen]

Canada legalised gay marriage in 2005*. It is only the homophobia of Hockey in particular that Scott and Shane have to deal with. They could lose hockey which is their careers and possibly any chance at post retirement hockey-related careers (like coaching or commentary) but otherwise are physically and legally safe. They may lose some people they thought were friends. They have both been paid well and seem not to be the types to have blown it all which means they're probably okay for a while without work. And honestly all of that would be shitty enough to deal worth.

BUT, Russia's anti-gay laws were passed in June 2013. Like right before Kip and Scott meet in the show. And it wasn't exactly a friendly place to be gay prior to that. Ilya is risking everything Shane and Scott are *and* being deported to Russia (because if he loses his job he probably loses his visa) where everyone would now know he is "gay"**.

*All of the US in 2015, but New York state in 2011 (which means when Scott and Kip meet in late 2013 they could run down to the court house and marry and it's only about two years from being legal nationwide).

**yes he's bi but somehow I don't think Putin's Russia would care as much about the distinction as we might.

[blogblogbloggod-deactivated2026]

On the last scene of episode 5 and why I cried this morning

TW: discussions of homophobia and homophobia-related violence, both in real life and in the HR universe. general discussions of bigotry and systemic issues plaguing the hockey world.

i have so many thoughts about the last scene of episode 5 today and it could be because i’m back in the closet or it could be because of how phenomenally done the scene was, but the look of genuine shock on Shane and Ilya’s face is absolutely killing me.

in their world, and, also, in this world, the idea of being out and visible is fucking impossible to fathom. especially at the most visible evening of the year for hockey with the Cup. The notion that Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander, up until that moment, could ever do what Kip and Scott did was out of the question. and not just out of the question because of the logistics or the backlash, but because no one had done it. no one had ever done something that significant.

in the context of the show, gay marriage in the States was only legalized two years prior. TWO. and even with the ruling of Obergfell v Hodges, there was almost immediate intense backlash. the idea that any major celebrity could and openly would come out was almost closer to fantasy than reality. especially in hockey which is, again, an incredibly homophobic and conservative sport.

to shane, where at least in his home country gay marriage was legalized in 2005, this idea of being out, publicly, wasn’t impossible but rather highly improbable. considering if he had a husband, that husband would never be able to come see him play in the states as a lover, the notion was improbable.

to ilya, the idea of being open, ever, was impossible. to give context, in 2017, russian opposition was exposing the purging of lgbtq+ individuals in chechnya. i will spare details, but these purges were brutal and overt. the journalists who blew the whistle have gone into hiding. with the passing of his father, and the dissolution with his brother, there still wouldn’t be resolution. he wouldn’t be able to visit svetlana, nor his extended family, nor his childhood home, nor his niece. if he did return, he would either be a pariah or likely killed. to ilya, this idea of being open about himself, even with the more “progressive” laws of the states, seemed impossible. he’d have to be breaking the ice, and he was in no position to do so.

so, when Scott Hunter starts calling down Kip, you can see it in their eyes. especially compared to shane’s mother and father, and to svetlana. to those besides shane and ilya, the look was far more questioning. and at first, with our star-crossed rivals, it was too. but then, once you see who it is, the look of hope starts to twinkle. as kip and scott get closer, standing body to body on the ice, closer than just talking distance, that twinkle burns brighter. the eyes go from confused to anticipatory, as if waiting with baited breath, as if it was one of them.

and when scott and kip’s lips lock, the shock on their faces is just so beautiful it made me cry. it’s a look i’ve seen many times, a look of actual hope, as if the hail mary was caught. this is not just any hockey player, but one of shane’s (and probably ilya’s) role models. this is someone they’ve been watching since the juniors, since their questioning likely began. someone who inspired their passions. someone who became a source of admiration. and that person, an icon in the sport, was opening doors for them. was doing something no one had done before and, unknowingly, leading the way. being a source of strength in a time of insecurity and newness.

i know this may seem dramatic, but to me, this scene means fucking everything. it means everything to me. i know that look of hope, and i know why that phone call from ilya was instantaneous. because in just a second, what was once impossible became possible. and not just possible, but probable, and real, and tangible. it became something they could imagine as a reality, could watch the aftermath, could plan.

it’s so beautiful. i’m so glad the show deals with these issues so beautifully. it made me cry this morning. it even gave me a little hope, too, so thank you to this show for being so beautiful.

morning rant, over!

[joondemiel]

You are Yuna Hollander. Your son is in primary school and tells you he wants to be a hockey player because he loves the ice. He’s talented and he has drive, even if he can be a little awkward and reserved. He is your only child, he is your world. You are committed to making this happen for him.

You are Yuna Hollander. Your son’s brand new boss should be talking about how skilled he is at his job, instead he talks about your son’s race. The way he looks like you. Your son tenses up by your shoulder. You cover the discomfort coming from the both of you, because this is the price for his dream and it is your fault.

You are Yuna Hollander. You know Shane has to work twice as hard to be half as visible as the white players even though he’s better than all of them (except maybe that Russian in Boston). You’re grateful that he has his father’s last name, it’s easier to market. You spend your lunch breaks making calls, answering emails, securing brand deals. You get home from work and clock into your second shift, building your son’s retirement plan. The body you made for him will only last him so long. You’re determined that he will live beyond it.

You are Yuna Hollander. Your son is at lunch and he’s not acting like himself. He’s tense like you’ve never seen him. He’s under so much pressure and you know you’ve contributed to that and it kills you. Maybe he needs to break from this regimen. You suggest he has a glass of wine with yourself and David. You’ve forgotten how important routines and rules are to your autistic son. You don’t know how to express that you think Shane is maybe in too deep with his hockey bubble, and that he perhaps should meet more normal people. Or at least, ones that aren’t hockey people. You don’t know how to say this because you’ve pushed him into this, now you’re changing the game and he hates that. You make a joke about a Swedish princess. Really? says David.

You are Yuna Hollander and your son has a girlfriend. This has never happened before. For a while you thought he might’ve been gay, but clearly you were wrong. He’s a hockey player. He’s the best in the world. He’s handsome, he’s talented, and he’s rich. Now there’s a movie star girlfriend. He tells you a day before the media frenzy begins. It feels so short. You used to feel closer to him. Something feels distant, and you hope that this can bring you back into his orbit again. You ask him to extend an invite for the summer to his girlfriend. You hope that this Rose Landry sees your son, past the jersey to the quirky, funny, honest man beneath.

You are Yuna Hollander and your son is bleeding on the ice.

You are Yuna Hollander and you visit your son in the hospital. He’s babbling away like he used to as a small child, before the other kids told him that the way he spoke and thought and acted was strange. It’s unashamed and giddy and you wish it wasn’t from the morphine. You haven’t seen him this unguarded in— you can’t remember. He keeps a tight hold on your hand even when he falls asleep. The nurse says the visit earlier from Ilya Rozanov tired him out.

You are Yuna Hollander and you’ve just witnessed hockey history. Scott Hunter has just come out in the most public way possible. No one will remember this cup for anything else. Your son has been texting his friend throughout the whole game. His phone starts ringing and he practically sprints out of the room to answer it. You look to your husband in shock. I can’t believe someone did it, you say. I can’t believe it was Scott Hunter, he says. You don’t know what Shane thinks. He stays on the phone for a long, long time.

You are Yuna Hollander and your husband has just told you. Why didn’t your son tell you? Why didn’t he tell you years ago? What have you done or said that he felt he couldn’t tell you? How did you not notice your son was living a lie? Did he love his girlfriend? Did you not notice that he didn’t love his girlfriend? You are a terrible mother. You are a terrible person. Your son is your world. Your son has not let you know who he is. Your heart is breaking.

You are Yuna Hollander and Ilya Rozanov is in your home, eating your food and drinking your husband’s vodka. He’s also been fucking your son for a decade and—

You are Yuna Hollander. Your son is gay. Your son has been in some kind of relationship for a decade. Your son has been afraid of the world, of the media, of the reaction. Your son has been afraid of you.

You are Yuna Hollander and your son is telling you that he tried so hard. You are going to throw up. You have never wanted him to be something that he isn’t. You have never wanted to stand in his way. All you have ever wanted is the best for him. All you have ever wanted is to help him achieve his dreams. You take him into your arms and you feel his heart beating against yours and you remember his heart used to be inside of you. You haven’t known him. But now you do. You feel like the luckiest woman on the planet.

You are Yuna Hollander and you will meet your son and his boyfriend for dinner at 5PM. And you will be texting first.

[gffa]

I am so emotional about Shane trying to tell his mom that he really, really tried not to be gay, that he just couldn't help it. Shane who has all these complicated issues with being gay, because it's not something he can control, like he does with everything else related to his body. He can't fine tune this. He can't fix this with focus, exercise, or diet, like he can with all his other problems, because everything else about him is being a professional athlete. It wrecks him because it jeopardizes everything he's centered his life around, it's not just the money aspect of playing hockey, but that Shane lives and breathes and eats and sleeps hockey, if he lost it because he was found out, what would he even have left? That's Shane's journey, to realizing that, as much as he loves hockey, he will come to love Ilya more. But right now, he's so devastated because he can't stop this thing that he can't control, this thing that's a problem for everything else in his life, this thing that he fears will make his parents upset because it's going to derail his career, like they put all this effort and time into him, and he's going to mess it all up. And when Yuna apologizes with such heart, because she loves her kid so much, that she's so sorry that she made him think he couldn't tell her, and asks for her forgiveness--Shane doesn't say, "There's nothing to forgive." It's, "I forgive you." That healed something in me. Not because Yuna was anywhere near being a villain here, but because Shane's devastation deserved acknowledgement and validation. He deserved to be an injured party here. Yuna was completely human and never really did anything wrong (I WILL FIGHT THE INTERNET FOR HER, her son is a high profile athlete in a world that will notice he's Asian, she's locked the fuck in on what kind of game plan he needs to survive what the hockey world will throw at him), but Shane deserved to be the one giving out his forgiveness. It was him saying that of course he accepts that she loves him and this can be put behind them, but it's also a moment of Shane not having to downplay what he went through and how much hurt he was carrying around. That the lack of support in his life deserved to be acknowledged as having real weight.

[flwrcassette]

jacob adding in the additional scene between shane and yuna outside was. one of the most earth shattering things.

“mom, i need you to know that i did really try. i tried really hard. but i just can’t help it- I don’t know i’m sorry.”

there’s so much guilt in his delivery, not really out fear of his mother not accepting him but rather his failure to fulfill a future she envisioned and BUILT for him— a future that is expected of him generally as a public figure. BUT most importantly, as POC. This apology is full of defeat. He feels as though he has been given the world by his parents only to “betray” them and keep this forbidden secret while simultaneously ‘ruining’ the foundation he was given. His brand deals. His fame and notoriety. ALL of it.

Thinking back to when Rose spoke to Shane about being gay, she told him “It’s really okay” but Shane’s immediate and quite passionate response is “It’s not.” and while, yes, Shane is on the surface saying that it isn’t okay that he put Rose through a half-hearted relationship (aimed to prove something to himself, rather than being romantically attracted to her) he is also griping with the fact that he has to acknowledge his sexuality. It’s not okay because I have kids looking up to me! It’s not okay because that’s not what my parents want! It’s not okay because that’s not what the league wants! It’s not okay because that’s not what I want. I wanted to meet those expectations and exceed them. Shane was supposed to have a brilliant, wonderful wife that would come to his games and wear his jersey and kiss him on the ice when he won the cup. Shane did not get that, and in that moment he realizes he never will. And all of this pressure is magnified by his status as a POC and feeling as though we constantly need to give back and fight for a spot in the room. To be gay, is to fail everyone. But to deny himself of love is failing himself.

I’m so incredibly glad that Yuna handles it like she did and tells him not to apologize but to instead forgive her for making him feel like he couldn’t tell her. She hasn’t meant to add to the pressures he feels from the world, and in that simple hug she grants him comfort and security that she is on his team.

It’s absolutely beautiful.

[elnotwoods]

do you think Yuna Hollander cried herself to sleep that night realising that there is a boy who loves her son so much he would trade the world for him? who would choose him every step of the way? who loves him unconditionally with all his quirks and awkwardness? who loves him because of them not in-spite of them? who does not run the other way when things get difficult but actually turns to her son and supports him? do you think she realises her son has been loved like this for almost a decade? do you think she cried happy tears when she realised everything she has ever hoped for her son came true? all embodied in this lost Russian boy who holds her son’s heart so gently in his hands, while offering his bleeding, hurt one in return.. without hesitation

[cbartonscoffee]

You know what's infuriating? The way it would make so much sense for Jack to knowingly be head over heels in love with Robby while Robby's none the wiser and he just greatly appreciates the level of connection and understanding he has with Jack in a "we're such good friends :) i'm so lucky to have him :)". But also, when I try to picture it, I arrive to the unavoidable conclusion that, actually, Robby would be very aware of his sexuality and how attractive he considers Jack (making him more susceptible to realizing when he falls in love), while Jack would not call into question his sexuality unless someone forced him to (he's always had more pressing matters to attend to, questioning his sexuality? why would he bother?). Which means that out of the two of them Robby would build a relationship aware of the underlaying sexual tension while it would hit Jack like a brick to the face a couple of decades down the line.

[rmoony12]

Might be controversial, but I think the friendship and lavender marriage between Evelyn Hugo and Harry Cameron is more beautiful, heartbreaking and heartwarming than the relationship between Evelyn and Celia.