I owe you everything, my sons. Now, what's a meme?

Shitpost blog for Edward "Whitebeard/Shirohige" Newgate. (I only pop down every now and then to post. If you want to rp with me just shoot me a message.)

[sassbeard]

Just wanna say I re-tagged everything and deleted some thread-like posts. Thanks to everyone who supported this blog and made me smile!

Edit: I STILL HAVE POSTS TO RE-TAG!

[sassbeard]

One was feeling a little bored and out of love so one had the brilliant idea of gathering the crew on deck and tell them some cock-and-bull story about a fabulous power-bestowing artefact I wished to offer to my favourite son.

Needless to mention it's absolute murder out there. GURARARARA!

[sassbeard]

Ace asked me if he could have his brother Sabo over for supper. I don’t wish to deny him this desire and I do want to meet the boy, but I believe two fire children aboard my vessel’s enough, thank you very much. 

[sassbeard]

Being Whitebeard, I've managed to pay a visit to the Other World and I have learnt something.

The Creator made one's vessel a big-ass ship. He also named it Moby Dick.

Coincidence? One wouldn’t think so.

[sassbeard]

Whitebeard

white facial hair;

has a lot of children;

benevolent and beloved;

flies on a magnificent phoenix.

Santa

white facial hair;

visits a lot of children;

benevolent and beloved;

flies on smelly reindeer.

Clearly one's got the upper hand.

[sassbeard]

I have been nursing the thought of adopting that Jack Sparrow lad. He’s witty, he’s resourceful, he’s a good man. Alas, when I shared my thoughts with my son Rakuyo, he got all flustered, claimed the Sparrow lad had stolen his style and stormed off.

Needless to say I find myself in a pickle. I wish not to bring sadness upon my son but I’m impressed with how good a pirate Sparrow is. Why, he even steals style!

[sassbeard]

Before she died, my mother told me I could grow up to become anything I wished…

So I grew up and became Whitebeard.

[sassbeard]

Fate had it that today I would have my chance for revenge on Marco and his pesky insistence that I should pay more attention to my health. My head of the nursing team suggested I took a couple of baths at different temperatures to help with my blood circulation. 

Of course I made Marco stand under my bathtub and heat up the water for me. There you have it.

[sassbeard]

After reading a pirate novel of the Other World, I have set my mind on acquiring a parrot. It shall ask for crackers and open its yapper to shout “pieces of eight”... 

What am I saying here? MARCO, GET ON THE DAMNED BIRD PERCH! INDULGE ME!

[sassbeard]

I love this blog so freaking much XD

That’s good to know, even if I’m not exactly here anymore!

[sassbeard]

You’re 100 years too young to tell me what to do! happens to be my educated way of saying I’m too old for your shits. I’m too old for anyone’s shits…

[sassbeard]

Do look at how subtly my son tells that bilge rat Teach he’s old as balls. He’s clearly inherited my wit.

[sassbeard]

Pops’s lesson of the day

Stay away from red-headed men, they mean trouble.

[sassbeard]

Red-hair popped down for a visit … again!

Just like last time, he seemed to think one would not be worthy of good booze because he brought me a pair of fuzzy socks. He even had the cheek to comment that a man my age ought to appreciate such gifts…

Punk.

[sassbeard]

I once had a dog. Stefan was his name and, by the powers!, was he a good boy. It saddens me to tell you he passed away before his time was due, as the consequence of a gruesome accident.

The moral of the story is… always pay attention to where you’re sitting your heiny.

[sassbeard]

@shifter-zarina In Heaven you’re still a brat if you’re under the age of 35. Of course Red-hair would still be legally a brat if he came here…

@yaoifanatic4ever One is not worried. No judge would be stupid enough so as to take Ace away from me. I only hope Portgas D. Rouge doesn't tag along - we have our own arrangements and they work fine.

[sassbeard]

Pops’ heavenly update #005

Mine and Roger’s fight seems to have been boosted by a notch. The bastard clearly lacks a moral centre as much as he does good taste in decorating a house.

Legal matters work differently in Heaven, as it turns out, and Roger’s put me in court for the afterlife custody of Ace. This is clearly a maneuver that’s meant to torment me. 

You should have seen the tie he wore to court the other day, a pattern of cacti against a purple background. Flashy.

How he hopes to win the lad I really don’t know.