SatansBedTimeStories

Just stories

[satansbedti]

The fuckboys have beheaded our brothers. Prepare for the skeleton war!

[satansbedti]

My Double Life

You might be wondering why some of my posts are personal stories about my family and why others are Q&A with the one and only Satan. Welp, you guessed it I live a double life.

I aspire to be Hannah Montana, so I probably shouldn't be telling you mortals about this 😬but too late now.

🎶 It's the best of both worlds 🎶

We all know you can hear this picture

[satansbedti]

When is eye contact a bad thing?

So you're supposed to make eye contact when giving presentations, when doing a strip tease, or talking to someone but when is it a bad thing?

• when you're kissing. Just imagine how akward it would be to stare someone in the eyes and whisper: "your breath smells a spanked banana"

• also when you're committing a crime.

You just make complete eye contact with a police officer as you try take someone's wallet.

^ Satan did not raise their little criminals to be failures!

[satansbedti]

Discovering you're white

So there was some Podcast on while my family was in the car. The podcast was talking about skin color and all that. So 6 year old brother just looks down at his arm for a really long time and then he looks up and says "I'm white" like he just realized it.

[satansbedti]

Do you get a lot of masochists in hell? How do you punish them?

Of course I do! As punishment they don’t get to participate in mid-afternoon torture sessions.

[satansbedti]

Freaky shit at School

A lot of freaky things happen at school. I mean, I see at least one reenactment a day of this wonderful musical called "the circle of life". It opens with the song "Forplay" which has a nice slow rhythm to it and soft moaning. The musical then culminates with the song "Climax" which has a lot of heavy breathing and hard penetration if you know what I mean.( not that it was really up to interpretation, I mean it was pretty straight forward)