The Secret In The Tears || Mildred Ratched & Wilhemina Venable
Wilhemina and Mildred sat in silence as you slept for the next few hours. Visiting hours were soon coming to an end so Wilhemina got up and collected her things before turning towards Mildred.
"Get your things together. It's time for us to go." She said still acting completely unphased by this entire situation.
Mildred glared at her before crossing her legs and folding her arms over her chest.
"I'm not going anywhere."
"Mildred its nearly time for bed. Let's go." Wilhemina stated again as she tapped her cane against the ground. She was growing impatient.
"I'm not leaving her here by herself. Go on, I'll see you tomorrow." Mildred said as she reached forward and pulled the covers over you as you slept peacefully.
"Fine." And with that Wilhemina turned and walked out of the hospital room leaving you and Mildred alone.
After she left Mildred sat back and sighed as she looked over at you whilst getting lost in her thoughts. She began to think about the last few months you had spent with them, desperately trying to figure out where things might have gone downhill. As she sat there thinking about what could have gone wrong you slowly began to awaken from your slumber, slightly groaning due to the lights and your fatigue.
She heard this and leaned forward placing her hand on your lower back, trying to gently lull you back to sleep. But instead of melting into her touch you flinched and quickly sat up before scooting away from her. Her heart ached at your actions and she slowly drew her hand away before setting it in her lap.
You cleared your throat before glancing at her. "I thought you would've gone home by now." You muttered lowly.
"I wanted to make sure you were alright. Do you mind if I stay with you?" She questioned in a soft voice that was laced with a hint of sadness. You heard it and immediately felt bad for your reaction.
"You don't have to stay if you don't want to. I know you have to work in the morning, I'll be fine alone." You said still not meeting her gaze directly.
"I think they'll be able to live without me for one day. I need to make sure my girl is alright." She said with a sad smile.
Her girl. She called you her girl. This sent butterflies to your stomach and warmth throughout your whole body. But the feeling left as quick as it came as you thought about the conversation you heard earlier.
"Your girl is probably at home waiting for you. You should be with her." You stated plainly as you tried to fight off the aching in your heart. You weren't really hers, Wilhemina was. You were just a maid, a pet, a play thing, something to satisfy her needs when Wilhemina couldn't.
Mildred's heart sank as she realized what had caused all of this. Their actions and lack of affection towards you had made you feel unwanted, useless, unloved. She drew in a deep breath before moving to sit on the bed next to you. She slowly and gently cupped your face with her hands and gently lifted your head so your eyes met hers.
"You are my girl as is WIlhemina and I'm deeply sorry if I made you feel anything other than that. Is that what caused this?" She asked as her thumbs gently caressed your cheeks in attempt to keep you at ease.
The question made you freeze. The cause of your internal conflicts had been brought to the light, she was finally aware of what was happening and you didn't know how to react. You sat in silence for a second before tears started brewing in your eyes for what had seemed like the millionth time today.
You closed your eyes briefly to break Mildred's tender gaze before slowly nodding.
"I just.. It never feels like I do anything right. I try my best and it never seems to be enough for you guys." You sighed as tears began rolling down your cheeks.
"And then the conversation you were having as you walked in the house just made everything worse. And I let go, I stopped fighting to stay awake because what was the point? Am I even wanted?" You said finally looking up at her with tears still flowing.
Mildred's eyes had grown misty as well but instead of focusing on her tears she wiped yours away and gave you a small smile before replying.
"You will always be wanted. You will always be cared for and appreciated and furthermore, you will always be loved. I will always love and care for you sweetheart."
"But Wilhemina.. She doesn't care about me. I can tell she doesn't." You said lowly as if she would pop up and scold you if she heard you talking about her.
"She's not use to having people care about her the way we do. She cares about you, trust me. She just needs time to come to term with her feelings. Before you came along it took her months to finally admit she interested in me romantically." Mildred explained hoping you would understand.
You shook your head not believing what she had told you. It seemed implausible. How could she care for you but treat you like she had nothing but pure hatred for you in her heart?
"I don't think so. Maybe I should just leave. There's nothing in this for me anymore." You stated as you moved away from Mildred wiping your tears on your own.
Mildred's heart practically broke in two as she heard what you had said. She drew her hands back and set them on her lap as a deep seated feeling of sadness overwhelmed her. You had completely withdrawn from her and Mildred could see you making your decision in your head.
It was clear that your mind was set on leaving. She could tell by the look in your eyes as you stared off into you lap.
"Are you sure that's what you want to do?" She asked lowly, trying to mask any pain that would come through her voice.
You simply nodded not wanting to look her in the eye; because you knew it would make you change your mind. You heard her take a deep breath then felt the bed rise as she stood up from where she was sitting.
"Well I'll go home and pack your things for you so you can leave once you get released. Is there anyone who could pick you up?" She spoke lowly while smoothing out her dress.
"Thank you, I'll call my sister and have her come get me and bring me to get my things." You stated still not looking up at Mildred to see her nod her head.
"Alright then I'll be on my way." She reached over and grabbed her belongings before quietly walking out of your room. She closed the door behind her but you could still hear the clicking of her heels fade away as she walked farther and farther away from your room.
Once the sounds disappeared you broke; allowing your tears to pull you into a deep sleep once again.
Your nurse had woken you up around 7:30 and let you know that you would be able to go home around noon. You thanked her and asked her for a phone so you could call your family to pick you up. She happy obliged and left the phone with you as she went and made her other rounds.
Your conversation with your sister went smoothly; she was the only one who had supported your relationship from the beginning and was shocked to hear what decision you had come to. About an hour before your discharge she came and sat with you and talked about everything you couldn't say over the phone. She could tell that the decision broke your heart but she also knew that it wasn't her place to try and persuade you to stay somewhere you didn't feel wanted.
The drive back to 'home' was quiet and quite stressful for you. Many scenarios ran through your head about how things would end up today but none of them ended well. When you pulled up in the driveway you noticed that Wilhemina and Mildred were home, as if they were waiting for you.
You took a deep breath and asked your sister to come inside with you so you wouldn't have to make multiple trips inside to get your things. You both stepped out of the car and once you got to the porch you reached inside the mailbox and took out the spare keys before unlocking and opening the doors.
You immediately saw Wilhemina and Mildred sitting on the couch, both with red, puffy eyes as if they had been awake the entire night.
"Hi, I just came to get my things and then we'll be leaving." You said as your sister closed the door behind her. She waved at them silently before standing next to your side waiting for you to make the first room.
"Your things are in the guest room but, can we talk to you for a few minutes?" Mildred said looking at you with hopeful eyes.
You sighed softly and nodded before pointing out the guest bedroom to your sister so she could start getting your things. You moved away from the door and sat down in the arm chair that faced the couch.
You all sat in silence for a moment, you looking at the ground, Wilhemina looking at you and Mildred looking at Wilhemina.
"So.. What did you want to talk to me about?" You asked finally raising your head to look at them.
"Was it not enough?" Wilhemina asked. Her voice didn't hold the coldness it usually did. It was laced with emotion.
"Was what not enough?" You asked with a confused look on your face.
"Everything we gave you. Was it not enough?" She asked again.
"I never cared for the materials. That wasn't what I was looking for when I agreed to everything." You answered.
"Then what were you looking for?" She shot back.
"A sense of belonging, acceptance, love." You stated.
"And was the not given to you?" She inquired. Almost as if she was trying to prove a point.
"Not from you." You fired back looking directly in her eyes. They widened in shock and she was left speechless for a second.
"It's fine. There wasn't any room for me in your heart even though there was an abundance of space for you in mine. You gave me what you could in the best way you knew how." You said whilst standing up from your seat. You looked over at Mildred before walking over to her and placing your hand on her chin. You lifted it up making her look at you before giving her a sad smile.
"Thank you, for everything but I'm afraid this is the end." You whispered. A tear welled up in her eye and fell immediately. You reached up and wiped it away and she grabbed your hand squeezing it softly.
"Don't cry for me Mil, it'll be alright." You leaned down and kissed her forehead before trying to pull your hand away from hers. She held onto it tightly before looking at you and speaking.
"Promise me something." She said softly. You nodded and waited for her to continue.
"Promise me, that no matter what happens after today that you won't forget how much I love you." Her voice cracked slightly as she spoke. Tears rolled down her face at a rapid pace as she awaited your answer.
"I promise, I won't forget it because I don't want to. Your love will be with me until we meet in the next lifetime. Goodbye Mildred." You said pulling away from her slowly.
"Goodbye Y/n..." She whispered softly as you walked out of the living room and went into the guest room to retrieve the rest of your things.
Once everything was moved out into the car you stood in the doorway of the house and slowly took off the ring that sat on your right hand; it was the ring Wilhemina gave you at the start of this... arrangement.
You walked over to her and grabbed her hand. You placed the ring in her palm before making her close her hand around it. Your hands didn't linger on hers for long, you stepped back and looked at her seeing she had tears brewing in her eyes but you didn't let that waver your decision. It was final. This was the end.
"Goodbye Wilhemina." And with that you walked out the door and out of their lives.
They both sat there in silence until they heard your sister's car drive away. Mildred choked on a sob as she looked over at Wilhemina shaking her head.
"I told you, it was too late. You should have told her when you had the chance." And with that she stood up and walked out of the living room.
Yet Wilhemina sat there holding onto the ring as her tears finally fell. She lowered her head in shame and whispered the words that could have prevented everything.
"There was room for you. There was always room for you. I loved you." She knew there was no use in saying it now that you were gone. But that was the secret that lied in her tears.
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