stay six feet away (i don't like people)

...but I am very bored in this tower so I shall make this exception

[sauron-in-lockdown]

Attention, Mortals Of The Internet...

I, Sauron - Dark Lord of Mordor and soon to be ruler of all Arda - am currently trapped in my great fortress Barad-dûr due to this sickening curse known as ‘lockdown.’

My issue is that the longer I stay here, the less ‘great’ my fortress seems to become... and I will admit: boredom is setting in. (...Perhaps some stir-craziness as well. Yesterday I found myself at a tea party with some of my Orcs... only to realise after the third cup that there was no tea there. Or Orcs, for that matter. ...It was all very strange.)

So, I am bringing this matter to you! As your new ruler, I demand that you keep me entertained during this ‘lockdown’ curse! Yes, you there! I see you!

please talk to me I am very bored and lonely

I await your correspondence!

- Sauron

(Please find attached an image of myself to prove that I am, in fact, real!)

[sauron-in-lockdown]

Feel free to send correspondence my way, mortals. As things approach 'normalcy' once more, my stress increases... you have no idea how hard it is to make orcs stick to keeping a six-foot distance from each other... but I am sure a few conversations with my dear worshippers shall calm me!

[sauron-in-lockdown]

Your lord has been through a lot over the past short while, to the point where he was very much considering closing this 'blog' is that even the word you mortals use and retreating into the shadows...

But then, I thought about all ye faithful and how you would miss me, and I thought 'fuck that noise.' I know that is a phrase you mortals use!

So, you may all bask and rejoice in the presence of Sauron, for I am not leaving you anytime soon!

[sauron-in-lockdown]

Greetings from the halls of Barad-dûr, o' faithful! Your lord has come to wish you all a pleasant evening.

[sauron-in-lockdown]

Sniffle...

Sniffle...

Oh, the damnable misfortunes of inhabiting a physical form... I detest illnesses with every fibre of my eternal being; and I have no idea how I so much as managed to contract the Divine Cold, given that I have been under this lockdown curse!

Ugh... I know not whether I wish to break things, or to shed tears...

...Perhaps I will break things whilst shedding tears. Yes, that ought to satisfy these desires.

[isolated-celebrimbor]

Oh, my sweet Maia, are you going to be alright? I love you!

[sauron-in-lockdown]

Sniffle-- yes, my little holly-lord, I will be fine... though I must confess, this damnable illness would be much easier to bear if you were at my side. Curse this distance... I love you as well, my dear!

[isolated-celebrimbor]

I would come and put my cool hand on your beautiful forehead and kiss you and wipe your nose ❤️

[sauron-in-lockdown]

Ah, my beloved little elf, how kind you are! Oh, once this abominable curse is over, I will be sure to kiss you many times over as thanks for your loveliness...

[sauron-in-lockdown]

Celebrimbor: .... so, like, what ARE we? *as he's chained upside down in your torture chamber*

...You do not sound like my Celebrimbor. My Celebrimbor knows precisely what we are, and I would never do him any harm again!

Reveal yourself, impostor! Who are you?

[isolated-celebrimbor]

This is really funny. I find it funny.

[sauron-in-lockdown]

Likewise, love. Not to worry though; I shall not be fooled by any impostors! You are the only you, and the only one I love is you.~

[isolated-celebrimbor]

I will never accept an impostor either! I’ve already accepted one, the cutest impostor of all ❤️

[sauron-in-lockdown]

Of course.~ Though my impostoring days are long behind me now; you have me entirely as I truly am... and somehow you still love me, too. I am most grateful for that, my dearest!

[isolated-celebrimbor]

A minor inconvenience: *happens*

Mairon:

'Tyelpë I'm dying'

@sauron-in-lockdown

[sauron-in-lockdown]

In my defense, I really did think I was dying!

...surely people can die from accidentally hitting their thumb a little bit with their forging hammer, right...?

[sauron-in-lockdown]

Sniffle...

Sniffle...

Oh, the damnable misfortunes of inhabiting a physical form... I detest illnesses with every fibre of my eternal being; and I have no idea how I so much as managed to contract the Divine Cold, given that I have been under this lockdown curse!

Ugh... I know not whether I wish to break things, or to shed tears...

...Perhaps I will break things whilst shedding tears. Yes, that ought to satisfy these desires.

[isolated-celebrimbor]

Oh, my sweet Maia, are you going to be alright? I love you!

[sauron-in-lockdown]

Sniffle-- yes, my little holly-lord, I will be fine... though I must confess, this damnable illness would be much easier to bear if you were at my side. Curse this distance... I love you as well, my dear!

[sauron-in-lockdown]

Celebrimbor: .... so, like, what ARE we? *as he's chained upside down in your torture chamber*

...You do not sound like my Celebrimbor. My Celebrimbor knows precisely what we are, and I would never do him any harm again!

Reveal yourself, impostor! Who are you?

[isolated-celebrimbor]

This is really funny. I find it funny.

[sauron-in-lockdown]

Likewise, love. Not to worry though; I shall not be fooled by any impostors! You are the only you, and the only one I love is you.~

[sauron-in-lockdown]

Sniffle...

Sniffle...

Oh, the damnable misfortunes of inhabiting a physical form... I detest illnesses with every fibre of my eternal being; and I have no idea how I so much as managed to contract the Divine Cold, given that I have been under this lockdown curse!

Ugh... I know not whether I wish to break things, or to shed tears...

...Perhaps I will break things whilst shedding tears. Yes, that ought to satisfy these desires.

[sauron-in-lockdown]

Celebrimbor: .... so, like, what ARE we? *as he's chained upside down in your torture chamber*

...You do not sound like my Celebrimbor. My Celebrimbor knows precisely what we are, and I would never do him any harm again!

Reveal yourself, impostor! Who are you?

[sauron-in-lockdown]

How is our favorite dark lord today?

Your lord has the Divine Cold.

'Tis precisely like the cold that you mortals can get, except it is a strain that we Maiar can also be affected by.

As such, your lord is extremely displeased... and with this situation going on, I cannot even force any of my servants to bring me soup as a comfort!

[sauron-in-lockdown]

I realised of late that I have shown you all my form as Annatar, but I have yet to show you the man who brought Númenor below the seas!

As such... do accept these images of the 'good' High Priest, Tar-Mairon.

[sauron-in-lockdown]

'Tis I, the Knight of Umbar. Our master, Sauron the Great, cannot come to the palantir right now.

'Why,' you ask? Oh, he is...

...er, otherwise occupied at this very moment.

[sauron-in-lockdown]

Blessed be the elves, the Men, and the land! Thy Annatar hath come to wish a beautiful morning upon thee!

...so I would have said back then at least, ahaha.

[sauron-in-lockdown]

Which song do you like better: “On Top of Spaghetti”, or “Bananas in Pajamas”?

I am unfamiliar with both... and this is not a request to hear them, either! Judging by their titles, I feel as though I am better off not knowing...

[sauron-in-lockdown]

Emotional distancing~ boop

I always practice emotional distancing, mortal!

...unless it's Celebrimbor. I cannot help ny emotions when he is near.