My anxiety is through the roof. I worry about the state of the world. I worry about the state of AmeriKKKa. I worry about the album. The ever elusive peace of mind evades me once again, making a habit of running every time I think I may have turned a corner. Iâve been having nightmares every time I close my eyes to sleep. 2 nights ago, after watching videos of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile murdered in cold blood by the boys in blue, my ârestingâ moments were filled with graphic murder scenes; images of police officers shooting a young boy, 12 or 13, in the back as he ran away in an alley. I woke up to dream within my dream of myself convulsing in bed. After a few hours I was pushed into reality by a fight I tried to jump into to join my brother. Today I dreamt that I was a suicide bomber carrying an explosive into a park full of police and civilians. I got near the the officer I was trying to kill & realized he was black. I ran in the other direction towards a group of cops & detonated the bomb then shot myself in the head.
The show in Germany was great. I was appreciated & heard, millions of miles from the battlefields of our struggle in America. I am a soldier fighting in a war for my survival. The enemy is strong and consists of people who look just like me as well as boys in blue assigned to kill them. There is no clear organization but I know I am a leader. As I fight this complex, scattered war externally, I am equally plagued by my own demons. They are as numerous as those in costumes with badges killing my brothers & sisters in the streets. Hope is alive in my heart, albeit holding on by a thread. The heartbeat is faint, but distinct. I know my battle is too important to turn my back on and hang from a noose. I am tormented. By the collective pain of the people darker than blue. I will not rest until we are set free, which I understand to mean I will likely never rest on this earth. If youâre sleeping well on these dark night show must be too far gone to feel for those dying around you. This is both a strength & weakness of mine; I CARE. I can be no other way. The pain of the people and the pain of my heart are one and the same as they bleed, I bleed. As they cry, I cry. & as they win, I will win.
jacobvanloon
baratheonpilled
dededos
titsay
stormborns
janainaart
discoholicmusic
origamiaround
ellievsbear
