They'll never make me hate you Carrie.
I’ve never understood the Carrie hate in the Sex and the City fandom. I’ve always thought the draw of the show was how real and complicated all the characters are. People will say Carrie is self-absorbed and selfish, as though she isn’t the narrator of the story, or that the other girls are caricatures, as though women aren’t allowed to be just one thing or multiple things, or that they aren’t allowed to change. All in all, I’ve never understood the hate for any of them.
Carrie is a great friend, no matter what anyone says. She cares more about her friends than she does anyone or anything else, and small mistakes that all people make don’t change that. I think it’s incredibly important that the show shows her building her relationship with each of them individually as well, where she goes out and does the things they would want to do, listens to their problems, plays therapist for them. She does this with all the girls, Stanford, and one-off guest stars throughout the ENTIRE show. Screenwriters having clunky scenes where she appears to blow off her friends and only care about her problem of the week does not get rid of the countless scenes where her entire life is listening to and building up her friends. She’s obsessive and makes emotional decisions, but she is a good friend and a fundamentally open and kind person. The show makes it quite clear that Carrie is each of the other girls’ closest friend.
Miranda is driven and ambitious, and she’s cynical and not forgiving. She sees the worst in people. And she also listens carefully, gives thoughtful and helpful advice, and loves fiercely. She puts her reputation as a lawyer on the line for her friends often and gives them all her time and attention when she is with them. She’s opinionated and stubborn, and she will tell you to your face when she disagrees with you, but she also apologizes and respects her friends’ differences.
Charlotte can be lost in her own head, and she has a continual problem with being judgmental and lacking self-awareness. She’s stuck in her girlhood dreams, and she’ll have outbursts that can be emotional and damaging. She is also one of the most compassionate and empathetic people on the show. She is happy and focused on being positive for others, even when she is jealous of them, and she never loses hope in her or the others’ situations.
Samantha is unserious and often insecure, and she is self-absorbed and shallow at times, both for her own appearance and others. Her desire for sex and pleasure rules her life, and she gets stuck in traps of her own making in her pursual of it. She is also the first person to stand up for her friend or a stranger who is being judged, and she is willing to explore and grow and change. She does not expect others to grow or change and accepts them for who they are, and if they choose to change, she accepts the newer version of them as well. She is kind and incredibly generous.Â
These women are all real, and their flaws and choices that the audience disagrees with make them real. They are lovable at times, fun and easy to watch, and sometimes they make you want to pull your hair out, and that is why the show has lasted such a long time. This is how we feel about our real friends too. I have a friend that makes poor romantic decision after poor romantic decision, but I love her dearly and will listen to each and every one, even when it’s not always a two-way street. I have a friend that is judgmental and idealistic but is also kind and loving. I have a friend who has to walk through the same decisions over and over again before she can make them because she overthinks them, and my loving her means that I will walk through that as many times as she needs me to.
SATC has complicated, real, and interesting women at its center, and so I will continue loving each and every one of them.
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