Third and final part of my angsty Steddie âBullshitâ story where Steve changes himself to try to keep Eddieâs love. I swear the happy ending is finally here everyone! Please put the pitchforks and torches away!
I hope it lives up to expectations and thank you everyone for showing such a keen interest in my story. This final part is LONG and dialogue heavy but hey, at least you finally get the fluff.
Which, sure, wasnât the longest theyâd gone without seeing each other before due to their lives being hectic, but it had been the longest theyâd gone without even so much as a quick goodnight phone call since they finally got together. Steveâs hand had hovered over the phone every night, wanting to call Eddie and apologize and promise to do better, but he was too much of a coward.
Because, you see, as long as they werenât talking, Steve could still pretend that they were together. He knew though that the moment his resolve crumbled and he called Eddie, or Eddie finally had enough and called him, that it would be over. Eddie would officially break up with him and this time Steve didnât know how he was going to pick up the pieces.
He loved too much, too quickly, too earnestly. But it was never enough. It was always just bullshit and he didnât know how to stop it from being bullshit. The first time he hadnât taken Nancyâs own needs into account, had been too caught up in his own trauma to realize that she needed more than just to pretend that nothing had happened and move on from what couldnât be changed.
Neither had been in the wrong, of course, both dealing with trauma and guilt in their own way, but in the end they had simply been too incompatible. He hadnât been what she needed and she hadnât been what he needed. They couldnât change that, not even back when that spark between them still burned in an ember. But who they were simply couldnât change to be what the other needed, or deserved.
So then he tried to change, for Eddie. Once Eddie and he got together, it was obvious they were too different. Their friends had commented on it enough, and then when Steve changed to be worthy of Eddie, they commented on that too. But Steve was fine with changing. He loved Eddie enough to become what would make Eddie happy. Heâd do anything to make Eddie happy.
Except he failed. He failed and now he had gone two weeks without speaking to his boyfriend who probably hated him now.
Their friends wouldnât tell him anything either, not that he really wanted them to know of his failure. Only Robin knew because she had been the first person he had called when Eddie had ran away from him when it became obvious Steve wasnât good enough.
Robin, who had threatened to make Eddieâs balls into earrings, had muttered about how sheâd always known he was trouble, but Steve also remembered how happy Robin had been when she discovered she wasnât alone. She and Eddie had gotten on like a house on fire, bickering like theyâd been siblings all along, and it had been so nice to have both his soulmates so close to him and each other.
He couldnât let Robin hate Eddie because of Steveâs own failings. So he talked to her, told her it was fine, told her not to hate Eddie just because Steve couldnât be what he wanted, though that only seemed to make Robin worse.
She had suddenly returned with a smile on her face, and though she seemed impatient at times, she had at least stopped threatening bodily harm towards Eddie. She stopped bringing Eddie up entirely, actually, though she looked like she wanted to say something more than once.
Normally, Steve would have pried it out of her. It would have been easy too. A flash of wide eyes, downturned lips, tilted head, a soft whine to her name, and sheâd be spilling state secrets to himâŚthough he already knew all the state secrets that she knew. But she couldnât hide from her soulmate. Ever since that first bathroom confessional, they were never very good at keeping secrets from each other.
Steve was too tired for that now. He just wanted Eddie. But Eddie didnât want him.
Steve was curled on his couch, Dio blasting from the music system, the fancy new CD player rotating the shiny disc over and over again on repeat. Eddie had said he preferred vinyls, so Steve tried to only listen to vinyls when he was around, but Steve enjoyed the way he could set the new CD technology on repeat without having to get up. It let him wallow for longer.
Robin had been by earlier, though she seemed jumpier than normal, constantly looking at her watch. Sheâd finally jumped out of Steveâs bed they were lounging in and said she had to go about an hour ago, stuttering excuses and refusing to meet his eyes.
He wondered if Robin was beginning to realize he was bullshit too.
He couldnât blame her. They didnât really have much in common either. It was only trauma bonding that tied them together, or at least thatâs what she had called it a few nights after everything to do with Starcourt, when sheâd biked all the way to Loch Nora and pounded on the door until a bewildered Steve had answered.
Sheâd thrown her arms around Steve then, and heâd realized sheâd been crying, and she kept whispering over and over âyouâre safe youâre safe youâre safe youâre safeâ as though she needed to reassure herself. Steve had at first thought she was talking about herself, but then he realized she was talking about him.
That particular realization had been electrifying. No one had ever really checked up on him before. But apparently Robin had been unable to sleep, plagued by nightmares of what the Russians had done to Steve, plagued by the what-ifâs of Steve not making it out of the underground bunker. It was the first night they slept in the same bed together, but it wasnât the last.
Sheâd told him that they were trauma bonded, them and the rest of the group, that no matter how different they were, they would always have each otherâs back. That was also the first night sheâd called him her soulmate though, making certain he knew she meant it Platonic with a capital âPâ and nothing else. Steve realized that it didnât make it any less important.
But maybe that had been a lie too.
Maybe Robin was beginning to realize that they were too different. That Steve would never be good enough for anyone. Not good enough for his family, not good enough for Dustin, not good enough for Nancy, not good enough for Eddie, and not good enough for Robin. Always wanting, always worthless. Always bullshit.
It was during this spiral that a very polite, though loud, knocking came from the front door. He supposed they had to be loud to be heard over the sounds of Dio, which he had cranked up to try to drown out the thoughts in his head.
Steve rubbed at his eyes, which felt crusty from dried tears, sitting up from where he had collapsed after showing Robin out the door. Heâd think that it was Robin returning for something she forgot, a regular occurrence, but she rarely knocked anymore. She typically just let herself in with the spare key heâd given her. Heâd given one to Eddie too.
Pushing thoughts of his maybe-still-his-boyfriend away as he hit pause on the music, Steve shuffled towards the front door. He gave a brief tug of his Iron Maiden shirt, which was actually one of Eddieâs, to attempt to make his rumpled appearance look a little more presentable, and then he was swinging the door open to revealâŚ
ExceptâŚit wasnât an Eddie he recognized. No, this Eddie was wearing an orchid pink polo and light khakis, andâŚwere those Oxford shoes he was wearing?? With a matching belt??? His hair was smoothed fully back and clasped into a professional looking bun and not a single ring adorned his fingers, made obvious by the way Eddie held up a bouquet of roses. Even the ever present pick necklace from absent from Eddieâs neck.
âHello, Steve,â Eddie said, even his voice seemed softer, less wild, and his smile was the sort Steve had seen his fatherâs business associates give to each other when a good deal had gone through. Happy, pleased, but restrained. Nothing like the manic grins he was used to from Eddie.
âE-Eddie?â he croaked out, absolutely in disbelief. Behind Eddie, Steve could see a station wagon parked where Eddieâs van should be. âWhatâs going on?â
Eddie held the flowers out towards Steve, who automatically took them. He couldnât help but give a bemused smile even as he brought them up to smell. Eddie took a deep breath, indicating the foyer with a small motion of his hand.
âSorry, but may we talk inside?â
This strangely polite version of Eddie was making Steve feel weirdly uncomfortable, so used to the exuberance that normally surrounded the other man. He took a step back, however, because it was Eddie. He could feel his heart beating wildly in his chest at seeing Eddie again, even if he looked different.
Steve closed the door behind Eddie after the other man stepped forward, though not before wiping his shoes off on the doormat, which Steve could not recall Eddie ever doing before. He felt like he had somehow fallen into an alternate dimension, and not of the Upside Down variety. Maybe that would have been better; he knew how to handle that kind.
âUmâŚlet me put these in water?â Steve said, though it sounded more like a question, at a loss for what was happening right now.
âOf course, sweetheart. Do you mind if I put on the game?â
Steve felt a hopeful flutter in his chest and gut at the use of an endearment. Sure, Eddie was no stranger to using such terms in retaliation to bullies or anyone else he disliked, but that was not the tone Eddie used just now. No, he used the tone he always used with Steve, making Steve hopeful towards the idea that he hadnât actually ruined everything yet.
He was so caught up with that fact that it took him a moment to process the second part of what Eddie said. âUhâŚyeah, sure?â he answered with a question again, brows furrowing, as he wondered if he had somehow forgotten that he was supposed to host Eddieâs campaign night that night.
He hurried quickly to the kitchen to find something to put the flowers in, suddenly worried about how his home looked. He hadnât been expecting to host Dungeons and Dragons, didnât have the snacking station set up or anything. Did he have enough beverages? Who all was coming tonight? He felt his hosting anxiety start climbing at these questions, as well as the worry that this was a test.
If he failed tonight, would Eddie finally be done with him?
Steve was just settling the vase full of roses on the counter when he heardâŚwas thatâŚ?
âOh come on, Coach! Take him out!â Eddieâs voice filtered through to him as Steve slowly made his way towards the living room. âThat asshole is making Gochnaur look like a capable shortstop!â
Was EddieâŚwatching baseball?
Did Eddie know about John Gochnaur?
What was happening right now?
Steve stood in the doorway leading into the living room, watching with a completely gobsmacked expression as, yes, Eddie was currently watching baseball and giving correct commentary. Steve hadnât even known Eddie knew what a shortstop did.
Eddie glanced over at Steve and his annoyed expression smoothed into one of happiness. He pat the couch next to him invitingly and Steve could do nothing but walk forward and take his place at Eddieâs side. His furrowed brows shot up into his hairline when Eddie pulled him closer, wrapping an arm around his shoulder as he started rattling off statistics of the players on screen like he did monsters during his DnD campaigns as he indicated the probability of home runs and errors.
âWhat the hell is going on right now?â he mumbled mostly to himself. This wasâŚthis was weird. He wasnât sure he liked this. No, he knew he didnât like this. Whatever this was, it felt wrong. He turned his head to frown at Eddie who still looked caught up in the game. In sports.
âEddie, whatâŚâ Steve shook his head slightly, wetting his lips. âWhy are you watching baseball? Why are you wearing those clothes? You just left the other days and now you look like a completely different person. What is going on?â
Eddie glanced over at Steve, his own brows high into his bangs. âI donât know what youâre talking about, Steve. Iâm wearing perfectly normal clothing. And sure, itâs only baseball, but itâs not like itâs basketball season yet.â
Eddie paused then, his expression settling into a neutral look for only a moment before slowly morphing to one of pained regret. He sight and hung his head for a moment before grabbing the remote and muting the screen. He then released Steve just enough to turn slightly on the couch to better face him.
âIâm sorry for leaving though, baby. Thereâs no excuse for just running out on you like that. I didnât want to hurt you, I justâŚI had a lot on my mind and I needed to figure some things out. But donât worry, Stevie. I have it all figured out now and now I can be an even better boyfriend to you,â he finished with a wide grin that looked nothing like his typical crazed charming smile. It looked more like the grins he used to make before he felt comfortable around Steve and the others.
Charming, yes, but not right. Not Eddie.
But Eddie was leaning forwards, brushing one of the limp pieces of his hair that he hadnât even bothered to style these past two weeksâhell, had barely had the energy to even washâback behind his ear. He then pressed forward to lightly kiss the tip of Steveâs nose with a smile, and Steve could only smile back. Eddie was here, with him, and that was all that mattered.
Eddieâs pink polo was still in his line of vision. It was Eddie, but it wasnât Eddie at the same time. He looked nothing like the metalhead he loved. Not that there was anything wrong with what he wore now, of course, and honestly seeing Eddie in a polo was kind of hot, butâŚit wasnât him.
Steve pulled back, his smile turning back into a small frown. His eyes tracked over Eddieâs outfit. Sure, Eddie looked nice in it, but it was incredibly wrong. The khakis even looked pressed. âBut seriously, Eddie, what the hell are you wearing?â
Eddie looked down at his own clothing with a look of not understanding before looking back up at Steve. âI honestly donât know what you mean. Iâm wearing clothing. A shirt and pants Iâve even got underwear on underneath. Though I can wear a lot less of it if you prefer, baby,â he added in that sultry voice that never failed to get Steve going. Heâd once accidentally slipped into it while DMing when he narrated a succubus type NPC and Steve had popped a boner right then and there at the table.
And Steveâs dick made a valiant effort to respond now actually, but everything was wrong and Steve didnât like that. He continued frowning at Eddie.
âWhy are you wearing a polo?â he asked more directly, because he knew from experience with Dustin and Robin and even Eddie himself that sometimes you just have to ask directly if you wanted a proper answer. And seriously. A polo?? âWhere are your regular clothes. And why are you watching baseball?â
âI like baseball,â Eddie replied easily with a shrug. âItâs not as bad as I thought. I like that the players can have their little music intro. And I wear polos now, theyâre surprisingly comfortable.â He gave Steve a gentle smile. âIf you donât want to watch baseball, we can do something else. You wanna put on some music? Have you heard Debbie Gibsonâs new song? Truly heartbreaking. I bet itâs on the radio right now.â
Steve just gaped. It was like Eddie was speaking an alien language even though he knew that all that was English and he understood each word separately. All together though, coming from Eddieâs mouth? Yeah, nothing made sense.
âEddie,â he breathed, slowly reaching out for Eddieâs left hand and feeling another swoop of wrongness at the lack of rings there. âWhen you said you wanted to put on the game, I thought you meant a campaign. And Debbie Gibson? Babe, youâre in a metal band. Debbie Gibson isnât cool.â
âHey! You treat Deb with respect. Girlâs got an excellent voice,â Eddie said with indignation. Steve could only roll his eyes because yeah, he knew that, but Eddie saying something like that? Unreal. It was Eddieâs next words that made him freeze solid, however.
âBesides, I quit the band. Dungeons and Dragons too. Figured Iâm too old for that nerd shit. Iâm thinking about getting a real job now anyways, so I donât have time for all that anymore. Actually, do you want to go through the classifieds together with me later? Gareth said heâd try to get me an in with his dadâs company, but itâs better to be prepared.â
Eddie quit the band? Quit Dungeons and Dragons? Was talking about a corporate job? What. The. Fuck.
Steve scrambled up from the couch, his fingers moving up to squeeze the bridge of his nose before both hands settled on his hips as he stared at Eddie in disbelief. âYou love Corroded Coffin. And Dungeons and Dragons! Why the hell would you stop doing something you love?â
Something flashed across Eddieâs expression then, something pleased like Steve had said exactly what Eddie had hoped he would, but it was gone the very next instant leaving Eddie simply staring up Steve with wide and imploring eyes.
âBut Steve,â he said, and his tone was too earnest that it made Steve pause. âI love you more, and you donât like those things. So Iâll change, for you.â
The words were like a bucket of ice water thrown back in his face. He couldnât move, couldnât react. Couldnât resist when Eddie reached out and grasped his hand to pull him back to the couch heâd just vacated, pulling him against his side once more.
âYou changed for me, so now Iâll change for you,â Eddie said like the solution was obvious. Steve mutely shook his head, but Eddieâs smile was toothy and sharp and so much like the smile he was used to that he couldnât speak. Which was just as well, since Eddie wasnât done. âYou changed who you were because you loved me so much and didnât want to lose me. Is it so preposterous to imagine that I love you so much that Iâm willing to do the same?â
Yes! Steve wanted to exclaim, wanted to shout and shake Eddie, because of course Eddie didnât love Steve the same way that Steve loved Eddie; no one ever did.
Well, except maybe Robin. They were Platonic soulmates after all. He knew that he had started doubting her earlier, which made him a little nauseous to do actually, but she had been the only one so far who had never abandoned him. Who seemingly cared for him the same way he cared for her.
But to think he could possibly be blessed with someone who loved him, romantically, that same way? To think that he might be lucky enough to have that sort of fabled love twice? Impossible! BecauseâŚbecause he knew. He knew he wasnât good enough. He wouldnât ever be good enough. He didnât deserve it. He wasnât a good person. He wasnâtâ
âDo you know why I love you, Stevie?â Eddie murmured, cutting off Steveâs thoughts and causing him to stiffen beside him. It wasnât like he was unused to these declarations; Eddie never really shied away from telling Steve he loved him, though Steve had to fight back the inane temptation to make a bitchy little joke about it like heâd had before, teasingly crediting his ass or how pretty he looked on his knees. Eddie had given them as reasons enough for his love when theyâd joked around before, just as Steven had teasingly cited his love as being because of how skilled Eddieâs fingers were, or the talent of his mouth.
He could sense, however, that trying to trivialize the moment would not go well this time. No, Eddie was looking at him earnestly once more, was reaching out again for Steveâs hand to hold and clutch between both of his against his chest. He thankfully did not seem like he was expecting an answer from Steve.
âItâs because you thought about my safety first, back then, at Skull Rock, even after Iâd shoved a broken bottle at your neck. Even though we ran in two totally different circles, you immediately put me as a priority. Itâs because you didnât hesitate to jump into the water, not in belittlement of Wheeler and Buckley for being girls, or me for beingâŚwell, meâŚbut simply because you were aware of your own qualifications and knew you were best for the job.
âItâs because, at the first real opportunity of being relatively alone with me, you immediately thanked me for coming to help you after youâd been pulled under, like there had been any other option. As if it wasnât a given that you deserved to be made a priority too.â
Eddie paused then, thickly swallowed as his eyes closed momentarily. âThough you totally saved your own ass there, tearing that bitch apart with your bare hands. Youâre a total badass, sweetheart,â he rumbled, the heat of hungry appreciation in his voice. âWrapped up in soft yellow sweaters and ridiculously styled hair.â
Opening his eyes to look at Steve again, Steve could see some of that (still surprising) hunger lingering. Because yeah, he knew now that Eddie had near creamed his pants when heâd pulled an Ozzy with the demobat, and even though he questioned his boyfriendâs tastes at time, he was also always so gleeful to know that Eddie thought him sexy as hell.
But it was more than just that, and Steve felt his heart hammering away beneath his ribcage as Eddie kept going on, singing his praises as if Steve was truly something to be admired.
âItâs because,â Eddie continued saying, bringing Steveâs hand up to lightly nuzzle against his knuckles, âyou always put everyone else first, even if you hide it behind your bitchy little snide words. Because you care about everyone else and would throw yourself directly into the path of danger to protect them. Protect us. And more than that, you take care of everyone around you, whether they show their gratitude or not. Dustin wasnât wrong when he talked about how great you are.
âItâs becauseâŚâ Eddie drew in another shuddering breath, his eyes wide and deep with emotion. âItâs because, when you look at me, you see me, not just another trailer trash failure who couldnât even properly graduate high school. You see someone worth loving.â
âEddie,â Steve broke in then with a cracked voice, his guilt unable to keep him quiet. âYou were right about me, though. I was a douchebag. Even about you I was an asshole until everything went down. I called you a freak, and I didnât try hard enough to stop Tommy from attacking you or the others, and I only cared about myself back then. Iâm not the person you think I am.â
âSweetheart,â Eddie said with a shake of his head. âI wonât deny past dickishness, but Iâm not so innocent either,â he pointed out. âI held my own prejudices, my own selfishness. I ostracized Lucas for daring to like sports, I nearly abandoned my bandmates the first time I thought I could make it solo, and I continually ran away when things got tough or hard, try as hard as I did to pretend otherwise.â
Eddie released Steveâs hand from one of his own so that he could snake it behind Steveâs neck to pull him in for a gentle kiss. Steve melted into it, terrified Eddie would eventually leave him still, while also taking great comfort in the kiss. It wasnât a goodbye kiss, that much he was certain.
âYou love with your whole heart, Stevie,â Eddie whispered when he finally pulled away. âI will never be able to apologize enough for taking advantage of that, for not realizing what was going on.â He dropped his gaze to the Iron Maiden shirt Steve was wearing, sliding his hand from Steveâs neck to his chest. âThe fact that I ever made you feel like you werenât enough exactly as you are will always haunt me.â
Steve didnât want Eddie sad. He didnât want Eddie to blame himself for Steve not being enough. He couldnât get the words out though, not when Eddie looked so utterly heartbroken.
âIâm so sorry, baby. And Iâm so sorry for leaving. I justâŚI realized what I did to you and I couldnâtâŚI couldnâtâŚâ
Steve was horrified by the tears that began flooding Eddieâs eyes, causing him to reach out with his own freed hand pull Eddie in by his polo for another kiss. He didnât understand what was going on, butâŚbutâŚ
Was Eddie truly not upset with him?
âChrist, baby,â Eddie murmured against his lips. âI love you in your polos. I love you listening to your own music in the car, the way your hair flops about as you jam out to Queen and Wham! and even Cydni fucking Lauper. I love how passionate you get about sports, the way you fuss over Henderson and the others, the way you call out other peopleâs shit. I love all of you, not in spite of you.â
Eddie pulled back to look properly at Steve, and this time it was Steve with tears brimming in his eyes. Everything Eddie said was like a revelation because the tone of Eddieâs voice, the look in Eddieâs eyesâŚhe meant them.
âButâŚweâre so different,â he protested, because how was he supposed to accept that when they were nothing alike? Certainly Eddie had to have some regrets, or wish for some changes.
âSteve,â Eddie said on a near whine. âOf course weâre different. Weâre different people.â He shook his head suddenly, taking a deep breath. He then reached out and caught Steveâs chin to force him to look at him, catching his eyes with his own. âDo you love me any less for being different than you?â
âNo!â Steve yelled aghast. How could Eddie ever think that?
âThen why do you think I would ever love you less for the same?â
Steve opened his mouth, ready to protest again, exceptâŚexcept he didnât really have an answer to that. Not beyond the fact that he would always be less than. Less than Eddie, less than the kids, less than everyone else he ever cared about.
The way Eddie was staring at him now, the way Eddieâs own pain reflected in his dark brown eyes, didnât make Steve feel like he was lesser. Eddie had never made him feel lesser, actually. Eddie had instead made him feel likeâŚlike he mattered. Like he was something worth cherishing. LikeâŚlike he was loved.
âIâŚI donât know,â Steve admitted, voice cracking, and the tears heâd been keeping at bay slowly spilled over and slid down his cheeks.
Eddie cupped his jaw with both hands then, and though his tears didnât fall, he sniffled in a way that revealed that it was a very near thing. âI love you so much, baby. I was so ecstatic that you loved me too, that you seemed to be willing to take interest in the things I loved, that I didnât realize I never did the same. I thought you were trying to figure out who you were, I never noticed that you stopped being you.
âI donât want you to be just another metalhead who likes everything I like. I want you to be your own person, to like the things you like even if I donât like them. I want to meet you in the middle of who we are, not a compromise, but as a sign of our love. Iâll take you to metal concerts and you can take me to sports games, even the ones with laundry baskets,â he gently teased. âAny of them, I donât care. As long as Iâm with you doing things you love, Iâll be happy. Because you make me happy, sweetheart.â
Steveâs eyes darted away, eyes catching on the screen where one of the players just stole a base and made themselves that much closer to winning the game, before looking back at Eddie. He didnât see anything false in his expression, only genuine, hopeful sincerity. Like he truly meant his words.
âIâm fine doing whatever you want,â he mumbled. âYou donât need to sacrifice anything.â
âBaby,â Eddie implored. âItâs not a sacrifice to be with you. Youâre so perfect for me, just like you are. Like you truly are. I fell in love with you not because of what you can give me, but because of who you are. I never thought you were actually trying to change to be who you thought I wanted you to be. Because I just want you, baby. If you still want me.â
âOf course I want you,â Steve murmured immediately, his hands moving to claps at Eddieâs forearms. âIâll always want you.â
Eddie grinned at him, though it was still emotional. He at least managed to keep his tears at bay, blinking rapidly until there wasnât fear of them falling anymore. He leaned in then to press a soft kiss to Steveâs forehead, his thumbs lightly stroking over Steveâs cheeks. âAnd Iâll always want you. Hell, baby, Iâd marry you right now if it were legal.â
That got Steveâs attention.
He pulled back again, pulling Eddieâs hands from his face to stare at his boyfriend with wide eyes. Again there was only sincerity in Eddieâs gaze, and patience, as he let Steve process and work through his words. To understand just how much Eddie meant it.
Eddie loved him. He knew this of course, butâŚhell, they hadnât been dating all that long, all things considered, and heâd once heard Eddie denounce marriage as just another conformist expectation used to take your individuality away, but here was Eddie saying he would marry him if given the chance. He knew Eddie wouldnât say something like that unless he truly meant it too. Eddie loved him.
âButâŚweâre so different, Eddie,â he repeated in barely more than a whisper. âA-and I donât want you to quit your band or Dungeons and Dragons or anything like that for me. I donât want you conforming for me.â
Eddie just grinned again, his expression so full of love for Steve that it made Steve almost physically ache. âAnd I donât want you changing for me,â he simply said, andâŚand maybe Steve was starting to get that, butâŚ
âBut you were so happy when I started listening to metal, and not all of it is bad,â Steve admitted. âI actually liked some of it. More than I thought I would.â
âI was happy,â Eddie admitted right back, letting out a soft sigh. âI was happy to share something with you, happy to help you develop your interest since I thought it was something you wanted. I didnât mean to push it on you. I was justâŚI thought that if we had a shared interest like that, you wouldnât decide I was too much. When you started dressing like thisâŚâ
Eddie moved to lightly tug at the hem of Steveâs shirt. âI had been so terrified that you would realize you could do better than someone like me,â he whispered. âHaving you not be put off by the way I dressed, by the music I liked, by anything I liked made me happy because it calmed my fears that Iâd scare you off or something, that youâd move on to greener and better pastures.â
And that was just not right. Better than Eddie? Someone like that simply didnât exist. And all because Eddie liked a certain kind of music, or dressed a certain way? Absolutely not.
âEddie,â Steve breathed, and this time it was him reaching out to cup Eddieâs cheek to make him look at him properly again. âYouâre so amazing, Eddie. How in the world could someone better than you exist? Youâre a fucking hero, man. And donât say youâre not,â he said firmly when Eddie opened his mouth to say just that, like he always did when it got brought up. âYou are. Youâre brave and selfless and literally out your life in the line to protect others. Youâre badass, baby. Just like me,â he grinned in tease.
Eddie softly snorted, placing his hand over Steveâs on his cheek so he could hold it as he turned his head slightly to kiss the palm. âYou are a badass,â Eddie agreed. âAnd youâre sweet too, even though you deny that too. I love you so much, and I should have paid more attention to why you were suddenly into all the same things I was instead of just being happy to share them with you.â
Eddie squeezed Steveâs hand, placing another soft kiss to his palm before trailing his lips into gentle kisses against his fingertips. âAnd I should have done more to meet you halfway. I should have been doing this from the start,â he admitted, indicating the muted TV. âYou were always willing to join my hobbies but I never even offered to join yours. Iâm truly very sorry, baby.â
âPlease stop apologizing,â Steve complained. âI forgive you, okay? Itâs justâŚyouâreâŚâ Steve swallowed, making himself actually stop and consider Eddieâs words, their meaning, their truth. âIâd love you even if you always hated sports,â he said softly, a small light of understanding settling over him. Because if he could love Eddie without needing Eddie to like everything he likedâŚ
âThen canât I love you even if you hate the things I like?â Eddie murmured, as if finishing his thought for him. âI donât need you to be a carbon copy of my interests, baby. I love you for you, Steve. Iâve missed your polos and your preppy look,â he grinned. âItâs hot.â
Steve flushed slightly at that, Eddieâs eyes telling him again just how truthful those words were. He hadnât ever once considered that Eddie actually liked that part of him, not when Eddie always wore dark clothing and looked the way he did. They were so differentâŚ
His eyes moved once more over Eddie, taking in that ridiculously pink polo and khaki pants, so unlike the things Eddie would wear but so similar to something Steve would. AndâŚyeah, okay, that was hot, but he didnât want Eddie to wear it all the time because it just wasnât him. If Eddie wanted to then of course heâd never say anything about it, but he would miss the way his metalhead usually looked. LikeâŚthe way Steve looked now, while EddieâŚEddie looked like how he would have normally dressed.
Because Eddie said he would change for Steve, would give up the things he loved, just to keep Steve happy. But Steve didnât need that to be happy. He was happy just to have Eddie, exactly the way he was, without Eddie pretending to be something he wasnât. He didnât want Eddie to change for him, even thoughâŚyeah he would like to be able to share his own interests with Eddie sometimes. And maybeâŚ
Maybe, if Eddie had started dressing like that gradually, started expressing interest in Steveâs hobbies slowly, he wouldnât notice how much Eddie had been changing to try to fit in with him. Maybe he would have just assumed Eddie was genuinely branching out his own interests because he felt safe enough to do so without being ridiculed, likeâŚlike Steve had slowly done.
But Eddie had appeared so drastically changed that Steve couldnât help but rebel against it, couldnât help but clock it as wrong, could only see it for what it was:
Steve grinned suddenly at that revelation. A bright happiness began filling him until he felt like he was full of fizzy soda and Pop Rocks. He realized that it was bullshit, but he wasnât. What was bullshit wasnât his love, or his inability to be exactly like Eddie, but the fact that he tried to be someone he wasnât. Him trying to change who he was was bullshit. Because Eddie?
Eddie loved him anyways. Eddie loved him even if he was an ex-jock prep who cared about his appearance maybe a little too much, who cared about keeping his home and car clean, who listened to popular catchy music on the radio simply because it was fun. Eddie had fallen in love with Steve because of who he was, not who he could change himself into becoming.
Eddie loved him. And love like that could never be bullshit.
When Steve finally looked Eddie in the eyes again, truly looked and saw and heard everything Eddie had been trying to tell him, he felt tears escape down his cheeks again but he couldnât bring himself to care. Because he got it now. He understood. Eddie hadnât wanted him to change, he had just been supporting Steve in what he thought Steve wanted.
âIâm such an idiot,â Steve wetly laughed, throwing his arms around Eddie to bury his face in Eddieâs neck.
âHey now, donât insult my husband like that,â Eddie admonished, but his words sounded wet too as his own arms moved to wrap around Steveâs back and hold him close.
âWeâre not married yet, asshole. You didnât even ask me,â he pointed out with a giddy roll of his eyes.
âRight, right, silly me,â Eddie said, and Steve could hear the grin in his voice. âGuess I better go buy a ring first. And ask Buckley for her blessing.â Eddie drew in a shaky breath before huffing it out in a laugh. âMaybe sheâll let me keep my balls now.â
Steve pulled back with a confused furrow to his brows. He hadnât told Eddie that his balls were in any danger.
When Eddie caught his expression, Eddie rolled his eyes next. âAfter I left, I spent probably a week trying to process everything, trying to figure out where I went wrong and horrified with myself for unknowingly encouraging you into changing for me, going over every little thing I fucked up. Then Buckley showed up and read me the fucking riot act.â He shuddered. âSheâs terrifying.â
âI told her not to do that,â Steve frowned, though his lips twitched at his boyfriendâs dramatics. Christ, he loved him so much. And Eddie, somehow, apparently loved him just as much.
âWell Iâm glad she did,â Eddie said with a small chuckle and shake of his head. âWe came up with all this together,â he added with an indication of his clothing and the TV. âShe heard my side of things and realized that if thereâs an idiot in our relationship, itâs me. And then we came up with this plan to show you why Iâd never want you to be someone you werenât. Figured if I showed up completely changed too, youâd realize why it wasnât what I wanted.â
Anxiety hit Steve suddenly and he stared at Eddie with wide eyes. âWait, you didnât actually quit the band, did you? Eddie!â
âNo, no, not really.â Eddie paused. âMostly.â He gave a little wincing smile at Steveâs fierce glare. âI told them what I was going to do, as well as saying that I may end up actually quitting if thatâs what you needed of me. Because I meant it, Stevie,â he added with his own fierceness. âI love you more than I love being in the band or anything else. Youâre it for me, hot stuff.â
âYou are an idiot,â Steve groaned, and he didnât know if he should be upset with Eddie, relieved, or insanely happy. He somehow felt all three at once, giving Eddieâs arm a small slap. âBut I am absolutely determined to have a hot and talented famous rockstar boyfriend, Munson, so you better not quit. Or Iâm dumping your ass for Jeff,â he said with a wicked little grin.
âBetrayal!â Eddie gasped, his hand moving to clutch at his shirt over his heart, falling back against the couch cushions dramatically.
Steve merely rolled his eyes again, though he couldnât keep the deliriously happy smile off his face because this was his boyfriend. This dramatic, goofy, absolute loser of a man. He was so fucking lucky.
âAnd that station wagon out front?â he asked, eyebrow arching.
âBorrowed,â Eddie grinned, propping himself up with an elbow to look at Steve. âJeffâs momâs. Really had to make it authentic, ya know?â
âAnd the baseball knowledge?â
Eddie laughed at that. âWayne gave me some pointers. I think he was ecstatic to finally be able to talk to me about sports knowing I would listen. He also says weâre all watching the season finale together.â
Steve just rolled his eyes. âItâs called the World Series, asshole.â
âKind of pretentious to call it that, donâtcha think, seeing as how itâs only America playing?â
Letting out a huff, Steve crawled over Eddie to look down at him, straddling a thigh as both his brows raised high over his forehead. âYouâre ridiculous, I hope you know that. ButâŚâ Steveâs expression softened into a small, almost shy smile. âThank you. For loving me.â
Eddie smiled back up at Steve, settling back against the couch cushions and bringing his arms up to lightly hook over his shoulders and crossing them behind Steveâs neck. âThank you for letting me,â he replied simply. âNow, will you please go back to my preppy sexy boyfriend who listens to ABBA and complains about bad hair days? I miss him dreadfully.â
Steve felt his happiness bubbling up inside him again, grinning down at Eddie before leaning in to take his lips in a giddy kiss. âMaybe you should take your Iron Maiden shirt back then, right now,â he murmured meaningfully against Eddieâs lips.
Eddie grinned beneath him. âFuck yeah,â he breathed. âAnd get this pink monstrosity off too.â
Steve pulled back at that, planting his hand flat on Eddieâs chest to stop him from moving to do just that, causing Eddie to still beneath him. Steve slid his gaze over said pink monstrosity, wetting his lips with darkening eyes.
âNo,â he murmured, voice roughened as he slid his gaze back up to Eddieâs widening eyes, a soft pink flush entering pale cheeks. âKeep it on.â
At least until it was too ruined to be saved. But they could always buy Eddie another polo later.
Steveâs insecurities werenât magically gone from one conversation, of course, but it proved to be a great start. There were still moments when Steve felt like he wasnât good enough, but it helped to know that Eddie felt the same way at times too, that they were both so in love and would do anything for the other person.
After that day, the two worked together to find a new middle ground. Steve still supported Corroded Coffin at all their shows, wearing their shirts and other merch frequently, and even kept his studded leather bracelet that matched Eddieâs own. He went back to wearing his polos in his day-to-day life, however, and styling his hair with near ridiculous amounts of hairspray.
They talked about their hobbies, with Eddie making a mix tape of the metal songs that Steve actually ended up liking, and Eddie even found enjoyment in playing the occasional game of ball with Steve and even Lucas and the others sometimes joined in. (Sure, he mostly liked the way Steve looked all sweaty and flushed with exertion, but he had some genuine fun shooting balls into âlaundry basketsâ all the same too.)
They made compromises in the movies they watched, the foods they ate, and Steve took on a more passive role during DnD nights. His character decided to strike out on his own, in story, though he would occasionally rejoin the adventurers when their paths crossed, allowing Steve to play when he felt in the mood and sit out when he wasnât. Steve had even cajoled Nancy into rejoining the game with him sometimes, much to the Partyâs (especially Dustinâs) delight.
Eddie never really took to polos for regular wear, though he did wear the occasional Henley and Steve had convinced Eddie to take better care of his hair, helping his boyfriend set up a couple different routines based on the time frame he had to work with before events or daily life, earning numerous compliments on the healthy curls he now regularly sported. Steve loved the mornings where they got to primp together, and even Eddie flushed with happiness when they caught each otherâs eyes in the mirror or helped each other fluff their hair.
Eddie also summoned the Party and acted like a drill sergeant as he commanded each of them to give Steveâs car a deep cleaning and detailing, shampooing and vacuuming and waxing the inside and outside until the BMW gleamed like practically new. He also helped enforce the rules about leaving no mess behind, either by forbidding open food containers or by picking up after themselves. Steve was so impressed by it that he couldnât help dirtying the car a little again by taking Eddie into the backseat after everything.
They took down the posters and flyers and random crap that covered Steveâs walls, though Steve kept up the Black Sabbath and Dio posters, even if he made Eddie straighten them up. He also kept up the Corroded Coffin flag Eddie had made him, though he began adding his own decorations as well through encouragement from Eddie. Eddie even got him a banner for his favorite sports team, hanging it up right next to the Corroded Coffin flag. (Later, when Steve eventually moved out of his parentsâ abandoned house, Eddie would cut a swatch of the wallpaper from the wall, framing the bit of plaid for Steve to carrying with them to their eventual shared home.)
Robin was a menace, of course, and continually made passing comments about needing earrings. The threat was not lost on Eddie and he always made certain he showered Steve in praise and confirmed his love for him whenever Robin gave him the stink eye. Steve may or may not sometimes signal when he wanted the threat made, especially around important dates like holidays and anniversaries.
And Eddie did make good on his comment about asking Robinâs permission for a certain question, though in his nervousness and excitement he fumbled actually asking Steve for forever and instead accidentally threw the ring at Steve one night after a dinner heâd tried to make but inevitably burned. They ordered take out and laughed about it, then Steve made certain Eddie never had to doubt his âyesâ right there in the kitchen. And living room. And bedroom. And then for good measure in the shower.
Steve always remained a prep, and Eddie always remained a metalhead, but over the years they slowly adopted and adapted bits and pieces of each otherâs style, though Eddie couldnât ever wear a polo to tease Steve without Steve immediately dragging him into bed. Or to the nearest flat surface.
There were days that the insecurities would crop up still, of course, for both of them. These days grew less over the years, the commitment Steve and Eddie felt for each other reflected in the matching rings they wore, exchanged during a small ceremony that, though not legal in the eyes of the law, was no less absolute in their hearts.
Because Steve knew now what those insecurities were, what the voice was that whispered that he would never be good enough for anyone, and he knew what to say when they tried to tear him down. And he would smile when he said it, safe, content, and secure in his and Eddieâs love.
As I said before, I am tagging everyone who asked to be tagged, so if Iâve accidentally missed you or tagged the wrong person, I apologize. Itâs a lot of people. Heh.
Tagged: @derythcorvinus @katyawriteswhump @gobbledy-gluk-gluk @petalsandpixels @coolgirldad @xxbottlecapx @yesdangerpls @lawrencebshoggoth @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @miss-wright
@brainsteddielyrotted @nerdyglassescheeseychick @ohimamarigold @sofadofax @moss-g0blin @secretly-kait @blossomingblueberries @my-love-of-books @blounette @p0lybl4nkk
@sapphicsforsteve @wearespacedust @mae-liz @stripey82 @tinyplanet95 @0mochiia0 @sunnycycle @jaytriesstrangerthings @hotluncheddie @dragonmama76
@stevieschrodinger @townseleven @estrellami-1 @evillittleguy @novacorpsrecruit @mugloversonly @imaginary-maggie-waggie @pointlessmosswitch @fatiguedclown @prazinos
@thedragonsaunt @bookworm0690 @brazenliar @samsoble @wrenisflying @queenie-ofthe-void @breealtair @highqueenhalalie @steddieassheg0es @theintrovertedintrovert
(rest of tags will be in a reblog, did not realize how many I had agreed to lol my bad)
