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#obi wan kenobi #pro jedi #no order 66

I am so tired of the way the fandom insists that Obi-Wan's life has to revolve around Anakin. In a No Order 66 AU, he should be taking more padawans. Time travel AUs nearly always have him insist on having Anakin trained and doing it personally, but why would he even want him to be a Jedi at all after what happened? He was willing to kill Anakin on Mustafar and believed he succeeded, just because he assumed Anakin would die after having three limbs cut off and set on fire and didn't want to kill him while he was defenseless doesn't mean that he cared more about Anakin than his morals. Anakin is not necessary for Obi-Wan to be happy, and he would be perfectly capable of moving on in a healthy fashion if Anakin didn't set the galaxy on fire in the process of betraying him. He also should be bothered when he finds out that Anakin has been breaking his oaths since before he took them, but no one ever has him feeling betrayed by that.

I tend to agree, in general, mostly because I'm a bigger Obi-Wan fan and not much of an Anakin fan, so I'm usually of the opinion that Obi-Wan's life would be better without Anakin in it.

That being said, it's hard to ignore that Obi-Wan's character DOES revolve around Anakin in the Skywalker Saga. Even in things that he isn't in for one reason or another, he's often there in spirit somehow (referenced, foreshadowed, paralleled, etc). Obi-Wan's relationship to Anakin is VITALLY important to his story and often to understanding his character. Obi-Wan was built as the "Good Father" to Vader's "Bad Father" in ANH and in the Original Trilogy overall, and much of his characterization in Lucas's films stems from that concept. So it's not shocking that a lot of fans and other writers will also center that relationship and focus on it when writing about Obi-Wan.

HOWEVER, that doesn't mean that ALL exploration of his character must always include Anakin, or that as a character he shouldn't be allowed to MOVE ON from Anakin. I certainly believe that he could and would take on other padawans in happy fix-it AUs (padawans that AREN'T Ahsoka). I don't agree with the idea that a time traveling Obi-Wan who knows about Order 66 would still insist on training Anakin himself (I COULD still understand him insisting on Anakin being trained in general, since I do think that Jedi training would be vital to helping Anakin resist darkness, but I don't know how comfortable Obi-Wan would feel about taking on that training himself again). I believe that he WOULD feel more betrayed by Anakin having broken more of his oaths than Obi-Wan had ever realized, that he would be upset to know that Anakin had massacred a village of Tuskens and gotten married to a Senator and lied about both things.

I do personally prefer stories that allow Obi-Wan to exist as a person beyond his relationship to Anakin, even if it's still an important facet of who he is and what he is to this franchise and the Skywalker Saga. I like getting to read things about his various friendships with the Jedi and the clones. I like getting to see Obi-Wan grapple with the truth about Anakin and what part he may or may not have played in it and what that means for him moving forward. And thankfully, I'm far from the only one it would seem.

I have read a couple fanfics where Obi-Wan leaves the Order after the end of the war if Order 66 is averted, and while I do think that he wouldn't do that, what annoys me even more is that no one gives him his bust. He is a Jedi Master, if he leaves then he gets a bust and it is now the Lost Twenty-One, but I have only ever seen one fanfic acknowledge that. Give him his bust! He's earned it.

Looking for a star wars fic, all I remember is that during Order 66, two of the clones have their chips malfunction and one of them is killed by Cody for siding with the Jedi.

#looking for a fic #star wars #cody #obi wan kenobi #order 66

willowcrowned

the dark side is, fundamentally, just a pyramid scheme, except you pay in limbs and dead family members instead of money

willowcrowned

if your boss tells you that the dark side will help you achieve the power to save people from death and all you have to do is give up a few limbs and your free will do not listen to him. what actually happens is that you just have less limbs and no free will now

royalhandmaidens

sometimes i think about the parents

the parents from coruscant to the farthest reaches of the galaxy, who have just become new parents, or perhaps are welcoming their third or fourth

it’s subtle at first, so subtle it’s easy to miss

their baby is different

maybe they’re worried. ‘what’s wrong with my baby? will they be ok? are they sick? they don’t cry like my others, doctor.’

maybe they’re amazed. ‘he has such a way with animals. she always seems to know when it will rain. what amazing reflexes! i’ve never seen a child with such a green thumb!’

it only becomes more apparent as time passes. seasons change, children grow, people talk, and the reality that their beloved child has been gifted with something beyond their comprehension becomes a reality that can no longer be ignored

and then, one day, the jedi arrives

they arrive on the doorsteps of homes both humble and opulent, armed with a soothing demeanor, a benign smile, and an explanation that simultaneously relieves and terrifies

sometimes i think about the horrid realization that, despite a willingness to lay down their own life for their child, despite their attempts to provide to the best of their ability, it is not enough. it never will be

sometimes i think of the tearful goodbyes - goodbyes that are not made any less painful with the knowledge that their decision is in the best interest of their baby

‘will they remember me?’ a parent wonders as they gaze with blurry eyes at the retreating form of the jedi, who carries away their entire world, swaddled in fabric that still smells of home. ‘will they remember my lullabies? my voice? will they remember how loved they were?’

years pass. the absence is a gaping wound that never truly heals. they follow the news, daily, scouring titles and clips for information- hoping to catch a glimpse or the smallest assurance that their child is well, growing, prospering

and then, one day, the news stops. everything changes, and nothing could ever prepare them for what follows

governments fall, an empire rises, and parents across the galaxy are rendered immobile, breathless, and shattered at the uttering of one simple sentence:

the jedi are no more

sometimes i think about the parents.

brachiosaurus-on

The parents who didn’t believe Palpatine’s lies and got arrested and/or killed for trying to find out the truth about their child.

The siblings who were old enough to remember their baby brother or sister being accepted into the Order and meet a survivor who wasn’t their sibling but may have known them and could tell them who their sibling was, what they were like, that they were loved by their brothers & sisters in the Order.

The family members who never give up hope that maybe they survived.

royalhandmaidens

the-last-kenobi

Some people join the Rebellion full of rage.

Some people join full of grief.

Everyone has a cause. Sometimes they’re looking at the bigger picture, the real rallying call, but more often they start out for reasons that are intensely personal, and highly emotional.

You join the Rebellion quiet.

“Why are you here?” cries a General on your first day, and there are answering cries from all around you as your fellows erupt, shouting out their reasons in triumph and fear and regret. They’re full of passion.

You are silent.

“Why are you here?” asks one of your bunkmates after a long day followed by probably more drinking than was advisable, but fortunately they all fall asleep before they remember to press you for an answer.

“Why are you here?” Leia Organa asks you one day on Hoth, and you’re cold down to your bones, and deeper still, and even inside your breath mists on the air.

You look at her and something compels you. Trust. Experience. The honest question in her eyes, calculating but kind.

“The Empire had a lot to say about the Jedi,” you tell her. “Propaganda. And then they’ve tried to erase them. You don’t erase guilty people from history, you punish them. …My sister was one.”

“A Jedi?” Leia asks you, startled.

You nod.

There is a long silence.

“My father knew Jedi,” she confides after a long while. “Many of them. Some of them very closely. Your sister wasn’t a traitor, I swear to it.”

“Oh, I know,” you say. “Four-year-olds can’t be traitors to anything.”

the-last-kenobi

This post crosses my dash every so often

what is a legacy

jasontoddiefor

Script of Attack of the Clones and The Clone Wars Wild Space

Unreliable Narration: exists

Anakin Skywalker: Is the problem I never articulated properly actually Obi-Wan’s fault?

monjustmon

Obi-Wan: Anakin, what is the problem?

Anakin: There’s no particular problem, idk why this is happening.

Obi-Wan: Well, it’ll pass eventually, if that conforts you.

Anakin, and Fandom, later: OBI WAN IS AT FAULT FOR NOT BELIEVING IN ANAKIN/ME!

Obi-Wan: Believing- believing what?

Cannot believe that there are people who will set off fireworks in the middle of a public street.

the-last-kenobi

sometimes I think that Star Wars fans are so inured to the rise-and-fall arc of Anakin Skywalker->Darth Vader that we forget exactly what that means.

it seems inevitable to us because we all - mostly - saw it coming because of the order of release. and TCW makes no bones about showing Anakin’s unsteady descent into reckless selfishness, even while he’s still absolutely planted in the role of hero, of Jedi.

but just. for a second. put all that aside. the narrative, the characters, the foreshadowing.

and think about your best friend.

your lifelong companion, your spouse, the friend since childhood, the person you connected with last year and just know you’ll never let go of. a parent or parental figure.

whoever it is you trust the most and want to spend the most time with.

you know this person. you know their likes and dislikes. their mannerisms. when they like to sleep and wake, what they like to eat, how they laugh, who else they’re comfortable around, their favorite clothing style, how their voice sounds when they’re frustrated or tired or a little silly.

and you know them, and you love them.

you are aware of their flaws.

you trust them to not become only their flaws. why would they? who would do that? people are so much more than their best and their worst. you trust them.

of course you do. after all, you know them, understand them, love them. you might not get each other all the time, or even get along as much as you’d like, but you know each other. you’ve got one another’s backs.

it is this person you think of most often. the one you think of when someone invites you and a plus-one, the one you worry about when there’s bad weather, the person you want to share a joke with first. they’re annoying and complicated and you know them. (life has been tough on you and them. life is tough on everyone. things are hard, and you stick as close as you can to this person, and it helps so much.)

and then one day, you come back home after a very long but surprisingly positive day at work and find out that this person has sold your house out from under you, killed your dog, murdered your entire family, slaughtered your neighborhood, including all the kids you’ve grown up around for years and waved at as you drove by, maybe even stopped to say hello or return a toy that rolled away, and then somehow managed to pin all these crimes… on you.

you have lost everything. everything.

and when you chase your friend down and demand answers out of them, plead and argue and ask and cry, all they can say is that it’s all your fault. and that if you can’t be with them on this, that you were never with them in the first place.

your best friend has just destroyed lives, destroyed your life, murdered people, and continues to victim-blame while attempting to hack you to pieces.

it’s incomprehensible.

you must be having a nightmare.

but you’re not.

you’re still loving this person who is more caricature than person, and even as they’re trying to kill you and you’re trying to process the overwhelming losses, you still love them. and hate them, too. except - you still love them.

this is when you begin to cry.

and this is the story of everyone who loved Anakin.

It’s the story of Obi-Wan, and Padmé, and Ahsoka, and Rex, and even just other Jedi and Clones that knew and trusted him, existing in his periphery and by his side, trusting him even while knowing his flaws. everyone has flaws. everyone has dark, selfish, wild desires. nobody expects their friends to give into them.

picture your best friend again. now picture them doing all of this to you.

and tell me you don’t want to destroy something. or hurl yourself off a cliff.

tell me you’re strong enough to live in the wastelands for twenty years contemplating your mistakes and wishing your friend was still your friend.

lie to me.

tell me you’re brave enough to be anyone who loved Anakin Skywalker.

As nice as it is to have a message about how you can always be a better person and be forgiven and be loved no matter how many evil things you do, as important as that message can be, I think we need add in more of the part two of that message to Star Wars stuff.

If you do choose to do evil things, some people WON'T forgive you for it. You're always capable of being better and making better choices and you can still be loved afterwards, but not everyone will do so. Sometimes, your actions will have consequences and those consequences will be that people who'd loved you once don't love you anymore and that some people won't forgive you for what you've done.

And that is a part of the whole process. As nice as it is for Anakin to just constantly be getting forgiven by everyone he cares about, it also feels incredibly unrealistic that everyone he cared about and betrayed keeps deciding to forgive him for it anyway. Part of the journey should also require accepting that some of those people WON'T forgive him, that he's hurt them enough that they can't look at him without remembering the pain he'd caused them. And that's okay! That's what happens when you do evil things, and it feels like it would be important to force him to accept that this is a consequence of his choices, to see him LOSE something or someone he genuinely cares about as a result and all he can do is accept that.

But Star Wars doesn't seem to want to showcase that. Pretty much all of their "redeemed" characters just end up getting universally forgiven. Crosshair gets forgiven by everyone and even gets apologized TO by someone he'd hurt for holding his crimes against him. Satine dies and Korkie disappears and anyone else who could hold Bo-Katan's crimes against her either forgets all about it or simply doesn't know it. Kallus not only gets universally forgiven and accepted as a rebel, but he gets literally taken to the secret homeworld of a species he'd led a genocide against and actively tried to eradicate from the galaxy.

It just feels like Star Wars doesn't want to deal with the idea that sometimes, no matter how hard you try, no matter how much better you choose to become, some people simply WON'T forgive you for the things you've done if you've hurt them badly enough. And I'd love more representation of that, because choosing to let someone go when they've hurt you, even if they say they're sorry later, can be incredibly healing in its own right. It feels like it could be an equally important message to send as the one about forgiveness. Sometimes people won't forgive you and you DO have to learn to be okay with that. You could grow into one of the most moral people in the world and it won't necessarily make someone forgive you for your previous choices. Sometimes you won't be able to forgive people who hurt you and that's okay. It doesn't make you equally as bad as the people who hurt you if you decide you no longer want those people in your life anymore.

We've had a lot of stories now about villains who redeem themselves and get universally forgiven by everyone they've hurt. I think it's time to have the flip side of that for once.

ladysarai

Yesssssss. All of this.

At the risk of pissing off most of fandom: what I wouldn’t give for fic exploring the idea that Obi-Wan can love Anakin and mourn for what happened—and still not forgive him. Because Anakin killed their Jedi family. Maybe he didn’t issue Order 66, but Obi-Wan watched him march on the Temple, on their home, and kill everyone in it. The younglings, yes, but consider who else was at the Temple—it would have been the Jedi who could not serve on the battlefront. The Healers, the sick, the elderly, the librarians and archivists, the cooks and cleaners, the crechmasters… Their most vulnerable, to put it mildly.

Yes, Obi-Wan blames himself for Anakin’s choices. We know that, whether it is appropriate for him to or not. He mourns him. But I would love to see something where he meets an Anakin who has turned back from the dark side (I know, I don’t believe it outside RotJ either but just for the sake of fanfic)… And maybe Obi-Wan can still love him. But can he really forgive him? Maybe. Maybe he can forgive him for himself, but I do not believe they could ever have the same relationship they had before.

(And I don’t mean forgive Anakin like… Forgive him and absolve him of what he did. But just stop carrying the pain of it and the blame. I’m not wording this well, but—like OP says, you can forgive someone and still not want them in your life.)

I think I lost my point in here somewhere, but I think that yes: Obi-Wan does and did love Anakin unconditionally. But that does not mean he would (or has to) forgive Anakin for the slaughter of the Jedi and welcome him back into his life like none of that matters, no matter how much he blames himself or understands why he made those choices. Unconditional love does not mean unconditional forgiveness or making excuses.

Yes! Exactly this! I would ALSO love this concept where Obi-Wan does forgive him because he HAS to in order to let go of the pain and anger, but that doesn't mean that anything has been forgotten and that the damage Anakin did to their relationship can be at all fixed.

I have an entire AU in my head (based loosely on a fanfic I love) where Padme lives and manages to capture Anakin in an attempt to "save" him, but neither she nor Ahsoka nor Rex are able to actually get through to him and so they bring in Obi-Wan to see if Obi-Wan's able to actually do anything, and... it works. Not quickly, not immediately, but it works.

I know there's lots of reasons why Obi-Wan theoretically shouldn't be able to ever get through to Anakin, there's narrative thematic reasons for why it could have only ever worked with Luke, but Luke is like 5 years old in this AU and Anakin is stuck in a cell with no way out other than to sit there and talk to Obi-Wan and convince Obi-Wan that he's stable enough to be trusted with people's lives. And I am still convinced that Obi-Wan was the ONE PERSON that we ever see Anakin actually willing to be selfless with (other than Luke later, just that once). Obi-Wan is the ONE PERSON who truly manages to get through to Anakin, the ONE PERSON whose opinion of him matters enough for Anakin to not just do whatever he wants when he's angry. There's MULTIPLE moments in canon to back up that Obi-Wan's relationship with Anakin was the healthiest Anakin ever had and that Obi-Wan had a capacity to get through to Anakin in a way no one else really did. And above anything else, Obi-Wan was Anakin's guide. That's what a Master is, a guide for their student to figure out how to walk their own path. And that's what Anakin needs in this moment, he needs a guide that he trusts to show him how to get back to a better path.

And so, in this instance, it works. It works because it HAS to, because none of them have any other options and they're unwilling to just give up, so they push through the pain and the anger and the betrayal and the fear and it takes months, it takes over a year, but Anakin finally manages to come around. He's not the nicest person in the world, still, he's still a little quick to anger and has shit to work on, but he's not completely consumed by darkness anymore and he's willing to turn against Palpatine at least.

And once Palpatine is dead, they go their separate ways. It's the last lesson Obi-Wan has to teach Anakin, how to let go. It's the most important one, too, the one that got Anakin in trouble last time. Obi-Wan isn't dead, but the pain Anakin caused will probably always remain. Obi-Wan will never be able to look at Anakin again without remembering the bodies of the younglings covering the floor of the Temple and the smoke rising from the towers and the feeling of all the Jedi in the galaxy dying all at once and having to make that message saying that the Jedi's time was done just to save what few survivors might be left. Anakin will never again be just the little boy Qui-Gon picked up from the desert and left to Obi-Wan to train. He'll also always be the man who betrayed Obi-Wan and destroyed everything Obi-Wan had loved. And Obi-Wan does still love the boy he trained, but he can't continue to live alongside the man who betrayed him. He has to walk away, and Anakin has to let him. It isn't easy for Anakin, who has struggled SO SO MUCH with letting go, to recognize that Obi-Wan loves him and is proud of him and trusts him but doesn't want to be around him anymore. It's so hard to accept that this isn't something that he can fix, no matter what he tries.

But Obi-Wan guides him one last time, and Anakin lets him go and they never see each other again.

ladysarai

Holy crap, I would give many many things to read that. I love everything about this AU, especially that Obi-Wan does help Anakin, because he would. That’s just who he is.

Also I absolutely 1000% agree that Obi-Wan is the only person other than Luke who could manage to get through to Anakin, for all of the reasons you say. I mean, even Palpatine knows that he needs to separate Anakin from Obi-Wan before he can manage to turn him.

I also super love that you have Rex in there, that maybe he’s initially with Padme on trying to save/redeem Anakin, but by the end he’s done. THESE TAGS:

The only sadness I have it that Obi-Wan deserves to be Uncle Ben to the twins but I’m absolutely the biggest sucker for him and those twins. ;)

Yeah, Obi-Wan is a Jedi and the Jedi do what's best for the galaxy regardless of the consequences to themselves, so even if he's not helping Anakin for Anakin's sake, he'd do it for the sake of literally everybody else. If they can turn Anakin against Palpatine, then the pain of having to face Anakin is all worth it.

I do think that some part of Obi-Wan probably WOULD want to save Anakin for Anakin's sake, he loves Anakin of course, but it's all mixed up and complicated with all of the betrayal and anger and the uncertainty of whether he could've done something to keep Anakin from betraying them all in the first place. But Padme's tried, Ahsoka's tried, even Rex has tried, and no one has managed to get through to Anakin for months, so Obi-Wan takes a stab at it even if he's convinced it won't be any different for him than for the others, but lo and behold, Anakin REACTS to his presence in a way he doesn't to anyone else.

He lashes out at Obi-Wan still, of course, but as Obi-Wan starts to leave, he says something to the effect of "Qui-Gon would've been a better master than you" and... Anakin used to say that to him a LOT when he was younger. He grew out of it, but as a kid he'd say it any time they got into an argument and Obi-Wan decided to just walk away and let them both have time to take a breather. Eventually, Obi-Wan had realized that Anakin had been saying anything he thought would keep Obi-Wan around by goading him into a new argument. So the fact that he's using the EXACT SAME TACTIC now tells Obi-Wan that, as much as Anakin is lashing out and trying to hurt them, some part of Anakin doesn't want Obi-Wan to leave again. And that's potentially something Obi-Wan can work with.

Rex's presence is something that's from the fic I mentioned this AU was loosely based on, and he IS initially with Padme on trying to save Anakin and by the end he's not quite DONE with trying to do that but he is a LOT more realistic about their chances and about what Anakin's choices say about him. I tend to think that he'd stick with Padme and Ahsoka because he knows they need him, and because he believes that this could be a gamechanger if they can accomplish it, but by the time Palpatine is dead, Rex has no interest in ever being around Anakin anymore. The love and respect he'd had for his former general is basically gone. He's glad that Anakin turned on Palpatine, but he's had a number of epiphanies about how Anakin had actually viewed Rex and the other clones and what their relationship had actually been.

As for whether Obi-Wan ever gets to be Uncle Ben to the twins, don't count him out, yet! Anakin and Padme keep the twins pretty sheltered during their childhood, but as they get older they manage to leave the nest and are now exposed to all of the nasty truths about their father's past that Anakin and Padme had kept from them, and it's a SHOCKER. The two of them reach out to Ahsoka (who has kept up sporadic contact with the family still) who gets them in contact with Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan helps them work through the immediate emotions of what they've discovered about Anakin, and both of them make the decision to join the still fledgling Jedi Order afterwards. Luke ends up being more forgiving of Anakin (and Padme) later on and goes back to see them from time to time, but Leia does not. She's found the family she's always belonged to and doesn't feel the need to go back to one that lied to her and kept her in the dark for their own self-interest. She doesn't just get an Uncle Ben, she gets a whole slew of new family members who love her and see her for who she is.

Lmao me with literally every AU concept I've ever come up with.

ladysarai

….That is good to know for. No reasons whatsoever. (I was absolutely going to ask if you had any fics out there, since. I basically agree with everything you ever post, lol. BUT I SUPPOSE THIS ANSWERS THAT.)

However, if you want to share the fic this AU was inspired by, well. Inquiring minds.

More importantly, Leia finding her found/soul family in the new Jedi Order has slayed me. I’m dead. I can die happy.

Yeah, sorry, no fics of mine out there, just all the AU posts that land on this blog.

The fic it's inspired by is The Greater Crime, which is the first of The Crime of Grief series by kj_feybarn. It's one of my favorite fics/series of all time.

prahelika

ive had a similar-ish fic in the works for a long time! would everybody involved in this thread be ok if I wrote the fic while incorporating some ideas?

It appears to be just me and @ladysarai in here (who I'm tagging since they won't get any notifications for this automatically), but as for me I'm perfectly happy for anyone to write fics based on or inspired by my posts!

scrimplications

tired of jedi characters comparing their relationship to their master with a parent-child dynamic. they dont KNOW that dynamic!

give me more jedi comparing a non-jedi's familial relationship to that of an apprentice and a master - at least that would make sense!

jedi going "yeah, an adult who guides and protects you and you're supposed to listen to them? yeah thats a master- oh, your mom is like that too? neat :)"

more jedi not really understanding non-jedi family dynamics. more jedi being horrified at the concept of someone being rejected or mistreated by their parent, because "why did they choose to have you then???"

there's a lot of interesting parallels between master-padawan dynamics and parental/familial dynamics. i just want to see more of the comparison going the other way.

bucketofdeltav

So first of all YESSSSSS I AGREE SO HARD second of all I wish to offer a counterpoint drawing on my experiences of being a lone foreigner trying to explain myself in a culture that is not my own.

Jedi who know they don't really have 'parents', like there's the crechemasters which is kind of parental and when you're a youngling you're growing up in a world where all the grownups do watch out for you and you get taught different things and cared for in different ways and you're expected to be respectful in different ways to and by different adults, but you don't have one specific adult as your go-to adult until you're nearly a teenager.

And you meet someone from outside the Temple who is so well meaning and says 'oh so like a parent' and they're wrong, they're incredibly wrong in ways you can't begin to express because you'd have to explain your whole culture from the ground up and you're twelve. But based on what you've read about normal childrearing structures in the greater Galaxy, that this well meaning stranger knows and you don't, yeah, sure, 'parent' is probably about as close as you're going to get without making it weird.

So you say 'yeah, sure, like a parent', and when this has happened a few times and you've seen more non-Jedi parenting and tried a few more ways of explaining, you realize that maybe you don't actually know the totality of what a parent is any more than the outside world knows the totality of what a Master is. And you have to smile and nod and say 'yeah, sure, like a parent' and the cycle repeats and you still don't really understand 'parent' and they don't really understand 'Master' and also there's a high chance whoever you're talking to is both culturally and literally an alien.

reconstructwriter

*inspired by that Obi Wan's false sense of superiority post* What we need is an animated series about the psychologist who has to deal with these sentient tire fires. I mean, I'm a human tire fire and even I get help, these guys have no excuse. It needs to be filmed like The Office and as tongue-in-cheek as possible

Look I would pay real currency to watch a series of Anakin and Obi-Wan’s couples counseling. The angst and the passive-aggressiveness and the “I’m fine it’s fine everything’s fine” “NO IT’S NOT OBI-WAN NOTHING IS FINE”. Or individual Jedi counseling.

Better: I want to watch the documentary/mockumentary made by a GFFA psychologist who embeds themselves with the Jedi Order to better understand how they can all be so chill and collected – What’s their secret? How can we all learn, from their example, to embrace serenity in our own lives? – who eventually, as the documentary wears on, comes to realize that THE JEDI ORDER IS COMPRISED ENTIRELY OF EMOTIONAL TRAINWRECKS.

I am living for this now. As @ devilangel657 said, the idea of a psychologist embedding themselves in the Jedi Order and having to listen to the stories of the stupidity the Jedi have to deal with every goddamned day in their roles as peacekeepers and later freeing worlds, would be amazing. They’re so serene and calm and put together when you first meet them! Then, like, a month later, “YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE THE SHIT I HAD TO DEAL WITH ON BRENTAL. LET’S JUST SAY IF I HAVE TO SEE ANOTHER FUCKING PIRATE I AM GOING TO SHOVE A LIGHTSABER UP THEIR ASS BEFORE THEY HAVE A CHANCE TO SAY A GODDAMNED WORD.” blares through the Force, even when all the Jedi says is, “It was a difficult mission, but I believe it has been resolved to the best of my abilities.” Obi-Wan and Anakin’s couple’s therapy is a disaster. Sure, Anakin wants to talk about things! Until the psychologist turns to him and tries to make him talk about what’s eating him and then NOTHING IS WRONG, EVERYTHING’S FINE, he says angrily, crossing his arms and glaring. Obi-Wan looks at the psychologist, not a single hint of self-awareness on his face, like, See what I have to deal with?

YES. Little by little, all these things come out and eventually it becomes clear that A) the Jedi have to put up with a TON of the universe’s bullshit, B) there are a LOT of secret affairs going on, both within and outside of the Order, and C) there is a WHOLE LOT of trauma being actively repressed.

I feel like Mace Windu would be amazing in this documentary series. The interviewer would be like “It sounds like you have a very difficult role, being responsible for so much in the Order. Would you agree?” and he just keeps staring into space like this:

…before finally taking a deep breath and being like, “It is a noble calling, and one I am honored to take on.”

Yoda cancels on his interview like 45 times, or pretends to be napping or dead when the guy shows up, because He Really Doesn’t Wanna Talk About This Stuff Everyone Knows The Order Is Just Fine Look How Well-Adjusted We All Are.

Quinlan Vos does his interview from a bar, during which he becomes increasingly inebriated. His interview turns into him just bragging about various conquests or awesome parties he’s been to on undercover missions. Viewers love him.

Obi-Wan explains to the horrified interviewer that he really totally wasn’t traumatized by being sent away to be a space farmer when he was 12, or the fact that he once got a rock for his birthday, or that his Space Dad was murdered in front of him. And that things between him and Anakin are FINE.

The two of them don’t realize they’re still mic’d up when they try to “discuss” things in the hallway in between filming after a particularly pointed on-screen argument. The resulting audio includes lecturing (Obi-Wan), dramatic yelling (Anakin), retreading of very old arguments (both), and eventually some mild dirty talk, which they vehemently deny later even though they both have mussed up hair when they return.

Ahsoka’s interview is hilarious, since it is mostly just her telling stories about Anakin or Obi-Wan embarrassing themselves. She manages to come off as one of the most competent people in the entire show despite the fact that she’s like 15. She instantly becomes a favorite of viewer commentators on the Holonet.

Some of the Clones get interviewed about what it’s like to work with the Jedi. This turns into all of them sharing “most insane thing my Jedi has done” stories, and it results in 157 hours of footage. They end up with their own series.

Chancellor Palpatine also does an extended interview as one of the Jedi’s closest colleagues, in which he repeatedly has to take a break from filming because he keeps breaking out into inappropriate giggles as he discusses how insightful the Order is, and what great partners they’ve been for his administration in helping it to achieve its goals.

I am crying at that screencap of Mace, that’s exactly the face he’d make. “The Jedi aren’t perfect, we have our difficulties, just as anyone else in the galaxy does,” they all say. “But we deal with them internally to the best of our abilities. We’ve agreed to this documentary as a gesture of good will, we hope to reach out to our fellow Republic citizens and show that we are as human as any of you.” What they don’t say is FUCK OFF WE DEAL WITH OUR PROBLEMS OURSELVES, but you kind of get that impression anyway. And the first half of the documentary is this build-up towards the idea that the Jedi are totally fucked up, they’re all a bunch of lunatics who refuse to admit they actually have problems. But then the second half of the documentary has, like, 300 hours of footage of the Jedi dealing with two warring clans on some Mid-Rim world, each willing to nuke themselves into orbit just to spite the other side, and the Jedi have to deal with literal tantrums from political leaders at least once a month and they have to see politicians living these ridiculous lives of luxury, they have space caviar flown in specially hand delivered while ¾ths of their world are literally starving in poverty, and still have to smile and make nice with said politician because otherwise they won’t be able to get this trade agreement signed that will help the rest of the world, and all the while they’re not allowed to scream obscenities or anything. And you start to realize, oh, shit, I’d have gone off the deep end, too, if I had to deal with that every day of my life. The documentary works in a roundabout way, endearing people to them–it shows the Jedi being human, that one time they caught Luminara Unduli making the most amazing bitch face, just for a moment, before she managed to smooth it back over. They caught Obi-Wan Kenobi actually swearing one time! They have at least an hour’s worth of outtakes of Anakin Skywalker flying around on his droid and crashing face-first into a wall or swanning off the top of the Temple and screaming when he misses the speeder Master Kenobi is driving to try to snag him the first time! “It was a bit of a close call,” Anakin Skywalker says with a grin, “But I had it totally under control.” (Smash cut to Anakin screaming and flailing as story after story of the Temple blurs by him as he falls while Obi-Wan zips the speeder around for a second try.) There’s a collage of the Greatest Faces Ahsoka Tano Makes When Dealing With Republic Officials. Almost unanimously, the face she makes when Wilhuff Tarkin turns away from her are voted as #1. There’s also entire sites dedicated to gossiping about the love lives of the Jedi. The HoloNet EXPLODES when Obi-Wan and Anakin are caught on mic making suggestive comments after their fight, because everyone thought FOR SURE Skywalker was involved with Senator Amidala, have you SEEN the way he makes cow eyes at her? There are threads and threads of HA AH VINDICATION!!! from Obikin shippers and NO WAY THIS IS JUST PART OF A THREESOME shippers.

(Everyone, please forgive me this enormous reblog. I think you all understand I have no choice.)

So, basically this is what’s going to foil Palpatine’s plans, isn’t it? He is kicking himself, because he actually urged the Jedi to do the documentary series in the first place, thinking that they’d come off as totally dogmatic, dispassionate weirdos and the Republic would be turned off, making it easier for him to push his “The Jedi Are Evil” spiel later.

Instead, as the series wears on, everyone finds them oddly charming, and is overwhelmed by how hard they work and the good they do. There’s all kinds of forums set up for the inevitable Jedi Order Fandom as people nitpick every detail the show reveals. The gossip is out of control. Ahsoka can’t go anywhere without an interviewer asking her about the state of her “dads”’ relationship. Padme is hounded by the tabloids every time someone thinks they saw her out with Anakin somewhere (and OMG IS THAT A BABY BUMP??! WHAT IS OBI-WAN GONNA THINK?! Wait, is OBI-WAN the father???!). Hondo Ohnaka, of course, uses this as a chance to make some money, and is constantly trying to sell outlandish stories about his “friends” the Jedi to the tabloids.

A couple of systems start petty disputes with each other just to get a Jedi and some clones to visit, and they start placing requests (”Can you guys send Luminara? We LOVE her, OMG. Also is Fives available?”) Even Yoda, who was hesitant to even participate, becomes somewhat beloved in his own right as the series’ grumpy, long-suffering grandpa, once viewers see how much insanity the poor guy’s been living with for hundreds of years.

albaparthenicevelut-deactivated

I am very sorry to everyone that this is making your dash probably a lot to handle today, but you have to understand that this is what I joined Star Wars tumblr for. Palpatine is so gleeful at first, look how awful the Jedi look, even though he’s pushing that, oh, they work so hard and they’re so talented and amazing! But then the memes start. LET OBI-WAN KENOBI HAVE A NAP. SOMEONE FEED THAT POOR CHILD AHSOKA TANO A REAL SANDWICH. AND GET HER A JACKET SHE LOOKS COLD. There are floating, spinning star crows attached to Anakin Skywalker’s head in holo pictures and vids. There’s a picture of Master Yoda making a o_O face as he trips and it gets plastered all over the internet. Mace Windu strikes a dramatic pose after a battle and it’s caught on holo, people splash motivational wolf-style quotes over the image. The most popular of which is, “WHAT DOESN’T KILL YOU. IS GOING TO DIE.” while Master Windu stands there with a >:| face and his lightsaber at the ready. There starts to be knockoff Jedi merchandise. Toy lightsabers are a huge hit! So many people are much nicer to the Jedi now and are like, “Are you comfortable? Can I get you a blanket? You’ve probably had a hard day, here have a slice of pie, on the house.” REQUESTING SPECIFIC JEDI. Of course The Team gets the most requests (Anakin is initially pleased by this, but then there are people flirting with Obi-Wan. WHO IS FLIRTING BACK. And knows exactly what he’s doing and keeps glancing at Anakin to see the effect of it because he’s a jerk who likes to rile people up. NOT THAT IT’S WORKING, OBI-WAN.) but Shaak Ti and Luminara Unduli prove surprisingly popular, everyone just falls in love with them. The clones, finally having the perfect audience for this, are MORE THAN HAPPY to tell everyone about the Most Insane Thing Their Jedi Has Done. Rex and Cody are no longer allowed to participate, in order to give everyone else a fair shot.

asquidjigwouldworkonme

There are fandom wars over whether the fact that Obi-wan flirts with EVERYONE makes the Obikinmidala three-way MORE or LESS likely. “Hello there” becomes code for “I am flirting with you now” overnight. Clone naming conventions start to become popular with new parents and teens get their hair/ hair equivalent styled like their favorite clone commanders.

On the political side, the average Republic citizen starts getting savvier. Seeing their favorite Jedi deal with these Senate officials and obstinate planetary governors, day in and day out, energizes populations to organize more effectively. The Jedi are unsure how to feel about this at first, but its nice to have the added leverage when dealing with particularly reticent political figures.

Elan Sleazebaggano (of Death Stick fame) is Obi’s biggest fan. After he gets his life rethought, he becomes a community organizer in the fandom, trying to do for others what his favorite Jedi did for him

Okay so there are so many things to love here. Mace Windu’s FACE, Yoda memes, Luminara Unduli’s Jedi composure slipping, Anakin and Obi Wan being actual human messes, Poor Ahsoka, the only sane person in a literal mad house, the clones… Can you imagine how smug Rex and Cody are?

Obi Wan: goes to do something hilariously ExtraTM.

Cody: Arms crossed casually, face completely blank. “Ahem”

Obi Wan: Looks at him… “If I do this, you’re going to tell the entire Republic won’t you?”

Cody: Raises eyebrow. “What do you think?”

Obi Wan: “Ah, well,” looks almost sheepish. “What do you suggest, Commander?”

Cody: Deadpan “You’re learning.”

But we are missing some hilarious potential here… So you guys know how bad Padme and Anakin are at pretending they don’t know intimate details about each other/covering their asses/being remotely subtle? Well, once a film crew is following Anakin around on a semi-regular basis, they get even worse.

For example, Anakin, Padme, Obi Wan, and Ahsoka are sent on a diplomatic mission together, documentary crew accompanying. They all board Anakin’s ship and there’s a lovely lace outer robe lying in a crumpled heap on the copilot seat from when Anakin and Padme made their last Dramatic Escape from a senatorial function (”I thought you said you were in danger?” “I was- a few more minutes and I’d have DIED of boredom.”) Anakin snatches it up and shoves it into his robes.

“SO THAT’S WHERE I LEFT MY FORMAL ROBES. OBI WAN WILL BE SO PLEASED.” and then he turns bright red because he just implied that Obi Wan will be really happy to see him in a undersized, lacy robe, which is true but not the impression he intended to give the viewing public. Padme breaks a rib suppressing her laughter. The psychiatrist and crew just roll their eyes and wonder why they’re even keeping up the pretense of deception.

Or, the crew just keep on finding mugs of half-drunk tea with lipstick marks in Padme’s distinctive signature shade

”They’re Ahsoka’s,” Anakin blurts out.

Ahsoka, who is there and not wearing a single smidge of lipstick looks at the camera, looks at Padme’s lipstick covered lips, looks back at the camera. Everyone turns to Padme. She looks around the ship. Anakin hasn’t cleaned it in months. There is exposed wiring from the last time Anakin started “improving” it and then got distracted. It smells like sweaty man and teenager and curry.

“I really enjoy the ambiance?” She offers. “It’s very… relaxed.” A muffled snort comes from the vicinity of Ahsoka. Anakin, who is standing next to her, steps on her foot. Ahsoka punches Anakin in the shoulder, hard. Obi Wan folds his arms and does his only sane man routine, which the psychiatrist and the documentary team now knows is Made of Lies and Deception.

This lasts until the team catches him sitting with Padme and Anakin in the cockpit, giving Padme a foot massage while Anakin drives.

“It’s a Jedi’s duty to do what is needed.” He explains repressively. “The Senator had a cramp. I did it for democracy.”

lurkingcrow

Despite all this fun it is a small subgenre of the Jedi fandom who end up having the greatest impact - the conspiracy theorists.

See, in among the “Kenobi is secretly a Space Siren”, “Skywalker is the avatar of entropy” and “the Jedi don’t die but merely change their forms and continue to save the galaxy under a new name” theories there are a smaller subset who are driven by the desperate need to uncover the truth of the war so that the Jedi can go back to spending more time with fans planets in need of their expertise. Everyone thinks they’re nuts. Until they don’t.

It starts as a post on a forum with user k3n0b15w00shyh41r ranting about how the war so obviously benefits the military industrial complex, and why has no one ever investigated Kamino for separatist links? User winduismygod93 points out that’s an excellent question, and wait a moment, why exactly were the clones commissioned in the first place? I mean, it was convenient, but could you really see masters Yoda or Windu authorising the creation of sentient beings for war? User 5tone9arden agrees - could this be a smear campaign? User masspalooza posits that it was a false flag operation by the Sith, and after a bit of digging user 5ith7i9ht uncovers the Sifo Dyas link - a known associate of the traitor Dooku? They’re on to something. User blankdayzii is concerned about sabotage when user xxx_t4N0_xxx points out a strange bit of footage from the latest episode of “Craziest things my Jedi has done!!! - Series 3, of a clone looking suddenly disoriented and shaking his head while muttering. User y0dAts4w3sm obsessively scans footage for more case into a compilation holovid. But it is user shaak_pronounsaresirandgeneral_ti who comes to the final conclusion: mind control. This is urgent! What if the Sith are secretly implanting sleeper agents into republic forces to shift the tides of war!!! It probably wouldn’t have gone any further, except user 0biAn1da7a689 turns out to actually be the Senator for a minor system in the Mid-Rim and raises the issue in open debate…

The Kaminoans rebut the accusations - some clones have occasional reactions to their aggression control chips! Which are perfectly safe from tampering because they put them in prior to deployment are you some kind of CIS sympathiser trying to undermine our brave troops senator?

Some reporter bails up the nearest Jedi for comment and oh, wouldn’t you know it? It’s General Skywalker! Here to see Senator Amidala for midweek nookie on Jedi business! Whose first response is “Chips? WHAT CHIPS?” followed by a litany of curses so vile even the reporter from the Nal Hutta Tribune is impressed. After Anakin’s brain reboots he does what he does best and angrily descends upon Obi-Wan demanding they free the clones immediately!

And that is how Palpatine had a very bad day and the Jedi fandom saved their heroes from a future full of loneliness and sand.😉

(yes there are references to some of you in the forum bit - @forcearama should be obvious but there are at least 3 more 😏)

phosphorescent-naidheachd

People, I’m sorry this is a gigantic post now but I just want you guys to see this.

librationpoint

Am I the only one who remembers that time a padawan was whining about how Yoda doesn’t have any feelings and Yoda was like, “Excuse you, I have been burying loved ones for sixty times longer than you have been alive, lecture me about grief do not.”

jhaernyl

@phosphorescent-naidheachd

*snerks*

This is BEAUTIFUL. Pretty improbable – let’s be honest, even though he’d absolutely underestimate how likable segments of the audience would find the Jedi, Palpatine would still 110% make sure that whoever was hired to put the documentary footage together did so in such a way as to make the Jedi look like The Worst Ever™ (think reality TV dialed up to eleven) – but I laugh in the face of realism when the crack is this delightful.

Jedi Order fandom!!! Tabloids and conspiracy theory boards!!! Therapy for ALL the Jedi!!!! Palpatine’s Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day(s) being the unintentional product of his own meddling!!

:-D

phosphorescent-naidheachd

Wait, wait – Asajj Ventress as a closet fan of the series!!! If anyone ever discovered her Deep Dark Secret, she’d claim that she only watches the show to uncover Jedi weaknesses and to make fun of them… and that wouldn’t be entirely untrue – she does love scoffing at Jedi stupidity on her holoscreen – but it’s more than just that.

She gets a real sense of community from the Jedi on the show. Which is pathetic, of course, or so she tells herself. She’s a Sith acolyte, soon-to-be Sith apprentice, and she doesn’t need friends or family like these weak Jedi seem to. (Even though they claim they’re above such things. Obviously another case of Jedi hypocrisy at work.) But the abandoned young girl who lives deep inside her soaks it up vicariously and with poorly-hidden envy.

And a few of these Jedi don’t seem too bad. Plo Koon, for instance, reminds her just a little bit of Ky Narec. And while young Tano has all the irksome enthusiasm and dogmatic certainty of youth, she won’t deny that the girl can be entertaining. Besides, she pities Tano for having to put up with both Kenobi and Skywalker.

And a few other Jedi… well, as long as they don’t open their mouths, they can be quite pleasant to look at. For Jedi, anyway. Not that she would notice that sort of thing, of course.

She eventually joins a few fan forums under the username 2sab3rsar3b3tt3rthan1. For research purposes and to spread the truth about the Jedi, obviously. Not-so-surprisingly, she winds up getting into lots of heated discussions with fellow fans of the show, and a couple of them get her second-guessing some of her decisions over the past few years. (A few users also introduce her to the wonderful world of Jedi memes, but that’s a story for another day.)

Dooku, both because he’s a Sith (and thus rightly paranoid about betrayal) and because he’s a control freak with no sense of boundaries, has always secretly monitored his apprentice’s media consumption and holocommunications. It’s not high on his priorities list, however, so he’s set the system up so that he’s notified if certain flagged key words appear more than X times in a fixed timeframe.

“Jedi” is, of course, one of those key words.

So when he starts getting twelve thousand alert dings to his comm, he’s naturally a little bit worried, a little bit curious, and very irritated.

Things progress from there.

Dooku starts watching the show, and it makes him feel feel nostalgic and ever-so-slightly regretful about having left the Jedi Order. He’s still bitter about all of the problems in the Order, of course, but… part of him misses having a community to fall back on; a group of others to be superior to. He’s still superior to all of the Jedi, of course, but it’s not the same when they aren’t around to appreciate it. Besides, the holodocumentary has made it more clear ever that his lineage desperately needs him. And while this whole Sith thing has been going more or less according to plan, he’s long had his suspicions about Sidious’ true intentions towards him…

But Dooku doesn’t actually do anything until Sidious orders him to dispose of Ventress. It’s not that he’s fond of her – don’t be ridiculous! – but she’s been a faithful apprentice and a useful tool. Killing her would be wasteful. (And she so looks up to him…) Besides, if Sidious is this eager to kill Ventress because he thinks she poses a threat to him, what does that say about his own fate? Dooku is still fairly certain he can outmaneuver Sidious when the time comes, but… why should he wait when there’s an easy answer sitting right in front of him?

Cue Dooku returning to the Order in the dark of night, Ventress in tow.

The ratings on the next episode of the holodocumentary are off the charts.

I honestly can’t believe this post is still getting notes AND additions!

I’m just imagining Asajj being slowly won over to being maybe kinda sorta okay with the Jedi and expressing this through holonet style hyperbole of “fuck off with your attractive face, sir” and, after the Jedi Documentary series has been running for a couple of seasons, the talk show circuit starts picking up on things. Eventually, there’s a Naleen Savera’s Late Night Show segment that reads out Mean Space Tweets and, like, a good solid quarter of them are Misunderstood Holonet Culture like: “kenobi is a jedi hipster piece of shit and i’m gonna fight him” – 2sab3rsar3b3tt3rthan1 [x] (She means with her face. She’s going to fight him with her face. Right on the mouth.)

lurkingcrow

Dooku of course is old school - none of this tweeting nonsense the youngsters are so enamored with! He sends handwritten letters expressing his amusement at their dysfunctional antics, gloating about his apprentices forces and not so subtly implying that if certain Jedi were under his purview they would be much better taken care of.

Yoda keeps every one.

The “Dooku Returns!” Episode breaks the holonet for many reasons: the whole “enemy of the state returns with offer to end the war” for a start, but also “The Team’s expressions when Dooku bluntly tells Master Kenobi that he needs more sleep and honestly Skywalker, has no-one ever taught you how to slip things into his tea?” , “Ahsoka Tano’s face when Asajj Ventress sidles up to her while watching the theatrics and offers her pointers on her Jar Kai” and “Master Windu’s face changing to match his saber” are considered highlights.

But the #1 best ever moment, as voted by viewers is the contrite Sith Lord on his knees, as he greets his former Master. One ancient green hand reaches out to as if to test that this is real while the other is visibly shaking on the handle of the stick - there now a disbelieving smile on Yoda’s face and the hint of tears in his eyes (if his head was not bowed, the matching glints on Dooku’s face would give him away)…

Future episodes are all the better for Dooku’s sarcastic commentary as he pulls Anakin and Obi-Wan out of danger by the scruff of their necks while bemoaning their lack of dignity, and the sheer amount of snark Asajj brings to the table. Her verbal sparring with Obi-Wan is legendary, but the ongoing war of insults with Vos is almost as good - particularly when he looks to the camera and sighs before declaring “I’ll win her over one day!”.

I feel the Holonet would echo me on this: HEY NO I DIDN’T ASK FOR FEELINGS IN THIS HILARITY. Yoda’s shaking hand and Dooku’s bowed head got me in the feelings place. Dooku rejoining the Order sparks massive amounts of Holonet Discourse, sure, but even more it sparks SHIPPING TALK. The cameras floated along behind him the first time he had to go to the Archives to do his research for an upcoming debate with other Jedi Masters (Dooku’s status is sort of unclear, they can’t just wipe away everything he did, but they’re trying to figure out what’s the best way to help him work back to a good place) and… is that Count Dooku actually looking rather seasick? What’s so bad about the Jedi Archive? everyone wonders, as that episode ends on a cliffhanger. NEXT EPISODE: [brief clips of Madame Nu’s frosty look and Dooku’s actually shuffling around on his feet in nervousness, as well as a blurry figure with Dooku’s distinctive flaring cape actually FLEEING AROUND THE CORNER between the Holobook stacks] THE HOLONET IMMEDIATELY AFTER: [writes approximately three thousand fics in that very week]

I apologize for bringing this monster length post back, but I think you’ll agree I have a very good reason for it. BECAUSE GUESS WHAT JUST GOT A THOUSAND PERCENT MORE POSSIBLE THANKS TO DOOKU: JEDI LOST. Dooku and company have to go to a party for a mission and it’s full of drunk politicians and dignitaries and such, where one of them, a sports producer of some sort, has THE BEST IDEA EVER and decides to drunkenly suggest it right to Dooku’s face. Producer: “Heyyyyy, you’re a Jedi, right? Can I see your sword?” Dooku: ”I’m afraid not.” Producer: ”Ah! I always wanted to have a go with one of those things. In fact! I’ve got an amazing idea for a show, wanna hear it?” Dooku: “Not really.” Producer: ”Uh huh, uh huh. CELEBRITY LASERSABERS.” Dooku: “Lightsabers.” Producer: ”Whatever. You could be one of the judges! We’ll drop contestants into a tank of live animals, a pack of vulc– vulcoffs or something. And see who makes it out alive.” Dooku: “It sounds fascinating.” THIS IS CANON. Reality shows and docu-series existing in the GFFA? Check. People wanting to get the Jedi to appear on their shows? Check. Our crackfic scenario being a thousand percent more possible in canon now? CHECK, MOTHERFUCKER. Lucasfilm, I am beginning you and handing over fistfuls of cash to you right now, please, please make the Jedi docu-series an AU, you’re so close already.

adepta-astarte

I have this crack theory about the relationship between Chaos and humanity and the Imperium in the Great Crusade era (not crack as in funny, as in angry and depressing but probably not canon).

sisterofsilence

For what its worth, you summed up a chunk of my own (head) canon concerning the Chaos Gods. They are, to me, far more complex than the 2D-ness a lot of people do them off as (but not my favourite BL authors, unless I am reading stuff into their writing of course, heh).

I could lengthily tell you about how I feel, think and write about the Chaos Gods ( in fact I have POV-written Tzeentch ) but I think a full exposé might bore you. And I am not sure if I could do it in a coherent fashion. I am working on working it into various of my stories, at the very least, like the one linked above.

I’ll add this headcanon to your post though, as food for thought:

Humanity seems, to me, to hate about itself that thing which s/he appreciates most in nature and animals - wildness, fierce, free, untamed, unstoppable, roaring lions, diving eagles, rain forests and thunderstorms. We admire this in everything around us. As soon as we become that which we appreciate so much in everything but ourselves? War. Gruesome. War. Its terrible and dangerous, like a churning ocean or a collapsing storm. And at the same time, I find it beautiful in its own way. Why? It’s the lengths we go to as we fight for what we believe in, tooth and nail. And I think it nigh always boils down to freedom.

The Emperor sought to unite Mankind, to drive out all those things that hurt us: uncontrolled passions (Slaanesh), constant change and trickery (Tzeentch), war and hatred (Khorne), disease and suffering (Nurgle). But passions give flavour to life, change is time itself and laughter is one of our greatest mechanics of relief, war and hatred allow us to fight for what we believe in to the bone, and disease is the wellspring of life in places we don’t like and suffering, tears, is that other great mechanic for relief.

By seeking to eradicate or even just contain Chaos, I believe the Emperor, knowingly or not, set out to destroy the very things that makes us human. And, by extent, take away the one thing we go to such terrible lengths for to keep or retake: freedom.

A well-intended tyrant, is still a tyrant.

And this is coming from the person who has a lot of feelsy lovey-dovey feels for the big guy. Heh. <3

thanks for the heads up my other name was up for grabs :D

You're welcome!

-_- apparently the cut-off for this thing I want to submit to (which closes tomorrow) is 70k words, and I’ve got 67k

I need to think of three thousand words of bullshit to pad this thing. like a chapter where everyone goes for coffee, or something.

okay there are 42 chapters in the book, and dividing 3000 by 42 = ~72

so I’d have to write the chapter titles like this:

Chapter 2: In Which an Elf Is Concussed, but it’s Not Really My Fault Because What Would You Have Done? Would You Not Have Concussed the Elf? No, Of Course You Would Have. We All Would Have Concussed the Elf. Besides Which, I Am Very Sorry for Concussing Her and Will Try to Make Amends Later If She Stops Trying to Kill Me. Also, Her Intent to Kill Me Was a Highly Relevant Factor In My Decision to Concuss Her

and who will stop me? God?

TWO YEARS LATER! Titan Books is publishing this, and every chapter title takes up a third of the page. god didn’t stop me after all

(you can pre-order here: Barnes & Noble, Books A Million, Amazon.com, Amazon.ca, Amazon.co.uk, Indigo, Waterstones, Forbidden Planet, Bookshop.org)

it’s so funny to see this all fancy and formalized

HEY BY THE WAY, bookshop.org is running an anti-prime day sale (to counter amazon), so this is a great time to pre-order the book with free shipping! here’s the link

also, all orders through bookshop.org right now will have the fancy sprayed pages!