Today could have been really bad. With the way I woke up feeling, all hell could have broke loose then. I had to really figure out what the issue was.... Honestly I think I was just tired. And didnât want to wake up quite yet. once I had my cup of coffee, the world as I knew it wasnât completely melting. Cause my brain was really trying to convince myself that my life was as worse as it could be. AND I knew that was NOT true. My wise mind told me otherwise, and I just stuck through. I called a few people, not even venting, just checking in. Most people were busy, so I ended the call quickly, but even that my brain was trying to tell me, See, people donât even want to talk to you because you are such a fucking loser. Which obviously wasnât true. I read the room, people have their own lives, and had things to do. just because I just woke up, doesnât mean that people have not been awake for hours, doing Saturday shit ya know. (it was 2:00pm) Then I realized my child needed to go to the doctors. I had a baby shower that I needed to be getting ready for right at that moment, but NO. My child came first. And I did not argue with that. I accepted it for what it was. got to urgent care just to see there was a 3-4 hour wait. I was ready to throw the whole day away at that point. after waiting in line to check in, I had to be given a pager just to sit down and come back up to actually be checked in. That took 30 minutes. So i just knew I wasnât going to the baby shower. in the midst of all that, right before I was getting my pager, babe called me to tell me our keys were tripping, and the car wouldnât start. FML. I have been doing quick fixes for a few weeks to give us time to get to the dealership. But of course havenât made it. Anxious because of covid restrictions at the hospital I ran out to try to do my quick fixes again. They werenât working like I had hoped they would. I told babe to take our oldest son to get food across the street. I was trying everything and more. Had our car hood up, and so many sweet people were asking if we needed a jump. it just warmed my heart. But continuing to focus on the mission, I eventually got the car started RIGHT before our pager was going off :D I ran back into the hospital, got checked in, and the wait time was significantly reduced because of my sons age. 3.5 hours got cut to 45 minutes. I asked babe to go to the dealership to handle the keys while we waited. I got a call from him saying how smug the dealership was being when it came to helping him. and he didnât even get helped because the âdepartmentâ we needed closed an hour ago. That would have been so cool if the rep I called and asked questions to told me when we were on the phone as the department closed. ANYWHO, by the time I got done with my little one, we still had enough time to make it to the baby shower. with my baby being well enough to still go, I jumped on it, because I had so much stuff to give them that was waiting, ready to go to a new home. I was already several hours late. literally by the time I arrived, according to the invitation, it was over. But it wasnât really. I still had time to visit, and watch them open gifts.. I drove back to their house to give them all the stuff I had.
I write all of that to say, it was trying to be resilient and still go to that baby shower. I committed myself months ago. I had been trying to meet up with my cousin for weeks to get him that stuff. but everything happened today for a reason. I really realized my strength today. not physically, but mentally. a few months ago I would have said fuck it. theyâll understand. but not only did I know deep down I wanted to go, I would have regret it otherwise. once the keys started tripping at the hospital, I was ready to be done then. just make my baby an appointment, or have my mom take me to emergency once I got the car figured out. But I tackled everything today one thing at a time. Canât overwhelm myself if I only focus on one task at once!!
as I sit at home now, I am soooo happy with how today went. it was eventful. productive. and just beautiful. Seeing the mom and dad to be was beautiful in its own. but to also see all of their(mine as well) family together celebrating new life. It was at a park so kids were playing, and having a great time. I got to visit and chat with family I havenât seen in almost a year. It felt so good passing along all the items my children have outgrown. The first time parents were so grateful, and I got to clear some space out of my overcrowded home. I can actually say it was a lovely day.
