hidden in plain sight

[scaredofanythingreal]

Five years from now

I'll be on a roof of some town

whishing I'd known it before.

Four years from now

I'll be hating the new town

I'd foolishly moved to.

Three years from now

I'll be packing my bags for somewhere new

all to be thrown around and shaken askew.

Two years from now

I'll be stuck in a room

Spending all my time hoping to talk to you for a few

One year from now

I'll be all over the place

trying to bag as many achievements

Maybe a thousand and two.

But right now,

I'm re-learning just how to breathe,

and how to walk with my knees bruised too.

[scaredofanythingreal]

Was I allowed to be there?

I saw me, but I saw him too.

I thought he would protect me,

but he was holding a saw too.

I wasn't looking to be saved by a man.

I was asking for the one who raised me

to not to end me like an old newspaper.

Used for knowledge but burnt for warmth.

I'm something he despises

because I'm someone he no longer controls.

My mind is curse, my life is much worse.

But that's all for him, and this is my guess...

but some things are just too heartbreaking to test.

[scaredofanythingreal]

What would you say?

For I dropped my hand in yours,

but I forgot where my mind is.

It's not like I care anyway...

I see your face everyday,

but all it's pretty has somehow numbed me.

You say you like mine more everyday,

but I feel like yours is somehow choking me.

I'm not a poet, not a writer,

I'm someone you could expect

to be present with a knife or a lighter.

Mind you, telling you hasn't made bearing the brunt lighter.

I feel your eyes aimed at me,

waiting to say, 'I told you so '.

But I want to aim their focus away

because theirs isn't a vote I want to sway.

[scaredofanythingreal]

My sock is crooked.

I saw it twist,

I think I'll make my foot to join in.

My foot feels swollen,

my sock doesn't fit,

I think I'll just cut off the tip.

My foot is bleeding,

my sock needs cleaning,

and the floor is just a mess.

I think it's time for something more than just floor cleaning.

[scaredofanythingreal]

I'm not meant to be here.

I see it, I breathe it in.

I will forever be a disgrace to my own potential,

For it screams at me incessantly,

And for I choose to ignore it.

[scaredofanythingreal]

Breathe me in,

I don't think there's anything more you can do.

Smell the springy flowers,

Fresh grass, and morning sun that isn't quite hot yet.

There's a meadow where a girl runs,

She challanges gale.

She breathes life

into a picture that would otherwise be pale.

But when you think of her...

When you remember her goofy crooked smile,

ignore the blood on her knees.

She has been on a long climb.

It broke her bones

and all of her spirit.

Now all that's left is blue and red,

and some other faded tones.

The sun shined the same

the day she bled, the day she fled

as the day you just imagined...

Just know when you think of her...

She's as beautiful as your thoughts just not as fragile.

[scaredofanythingreal]

People love for convenience.

They choose who makes sense

Someone who fits into their world

and make it less dense.

I fell in love with proximity.

Not to proximity with you,

proximity itself...

and the intimate yet distant dance it has with me.

It tricks me into thinking you're close.

It tells me if I reach out far enough,

I might just catch you.

Your arm in my hand as real as the heat in December.

So I'll dance with delusion,

And hope my illusion turns into yours one day.

For I see your torturous gaze,

it burns a hole through my brightest days.

So I, for one, love for inconvenience.

Inconvenience that makes me lose all perspective of sense.

[scaredofanythingreal]

Tell me there's a bead of joy in my existence.

All I see between us is distance.

The dew, for once, instead of thawing became frost.

'Cause not even a ray of gold could transfer enough heat to bring us back to life.

There's a stone of sorrow in my heart.

I see it, I respect it, but I can't will it to go away.

Any wise woman would throw it away, but she would be a fool...

for all those broken pebbles will still be stow away.

Tell me, is there any storm in this cold calm?

'Cause all this peace is snatching colour from my face.

So before I turn blue and cold,

give me a touch of you, it'll be better than any strip of gold.

[scaredofanythingreal]

Can I run away now?

I chose you.

I chose you over and over again,

you chose your fears though.

I choose to flee now.

I have forgotten how to hold my pen.

I have forgotten myself.

I breathe but I don't dare to speak.

Do you know how hard it is?

To fear the one thing you love?

See me as selfish, see me as crude.

See me as someone who never knew you.

See as someone who never chose you.

Badmouth me all you want.

It is never going to get peace to you.

You can lie all you want.

Don't do it in front of me.

I was the who tolerated your crazy.

I am the one who cares.

Even today, I'd do it all over again.

I would scream at you but it wouldn't change a thing.

I'm so far gone now, still all you care about is you.

How do I treat you? Am I that horrible?

You are the one who is scared to speak to me.

How do I get together with someone who I so desperate to please me?

Please learn to take care of yourself

for I've forgotten my dearest friend.

I'd tell you how much I miss him,

but it's beyond compare.

I can't stand by you anymore... find someone who can give you more.

[scaredofanythingreal]

My hand is tied

and none of you can see.

I sit and listen

and all you do is judge me.

And the other, the one I trust,

doesn't see why I left.

He raided thoughts, my words he stole.

I now weep for me, my identity's theft.

All either of you ever see is my flaws,

my claws.

The ways I hurt you,

the way I don't care.

Did you ever ask yourself

whether I asked for any of this.

Given the chance, I would run away,

I would never look back.

So, no, I'm not fine, I'm dying.

Of guilt. Of shame. Of hurt. Of pain.

Of aches that are now all in vain.

I want to run away.

[scaredofanythingreal]

I wonder if I hurt so much,

does it take away from your pain?

If I spend my nights covered in red,

does is take away from cruelty written in your name?

I breathe in wondering

if I am taking away your breath.

I breathe like a coward, trying not to steal from you...

but is it really thievery if you take mine too?

I'm not a lovesick poet,

I'm a poet sick of love.

I know this because I spent all of last night loathing you.

[scaredofanythingreal]

Your presence is like a soft kiss.

It's a hand enveloping mine.

It holds me together, yet tears me apart

because I know you aren't mine.

I look at you longingly,

but I wish I couldn't look at all.

Because every time our eyes lock,

it gets harder to tear them apart.

Look away, please.

I won't be able to.

[scaredofanythingreal]

Stand with me, love.

I think there's hope for us, don't you?

'cause when I picture the future,

you're in it too.

I dream of grasses green,

and parties that just won't end.

Will you stand by me

not as a lover but as my friend?

Suitors are fickle and love is unfaithful.

Relationships end in a minute.

When you or I wreck one, can we laugh at our stupidity?

Sit back and judge our infidelity?

I'll handle all the fights in the world

simply because you stand by me.

I don't need your approval or your attention.

Just the comfort of knowing you're there.

No matter how far you run away,

I'll always have a part of you in here.

So, when you're lost, come back to me.

I'll help you remember,

and all your problems can go back to sweet sweet slumber.

[scaredofanythingreal]

Smile with me darling,

Smile at the sky.

You won't get a word I say,

Won't you read between the lines?

It's me, to you I'd say,

But I believe there's nothing left.

Many write, many sing, many state their love a clear as day,

But I revel in silence.

I wonder if love, or infatuation will stay.

I've never learnt to trust myself unless I'm pushed to do so.

Nothing in my life seems absolute.

I don't believe in wishes, but I will you to stay.

I know you won't,

I know it's doomed from the start.

Won't you stay a longer time,

I might just sway your heart.

I don't like to write these things,

They come out of me unbidden.

They make me feel weak,

As though they were forbidden.

[scaredofanythingreal]

Can I tell you something?

There's a little part of me,

it doesn't think I belong.

Honesty, I don't think it's wrong.

Yesterday I found a piece of heaven,

I fled from it, claiming I was better.

I don't know if I lied,

or if I actually believed.

That's the thing about us liars;

we get good at it.

Skim the truth and write our stories.

We build our lies and mistake them for glory.

I can tell 17 ways you're wrong

and not admit my fault.

Am I a hypocrite?

Or just a misfit?

I know I'm twisted,

but you're tangled in me too.

I can't be the only one,

'cause darling, you never admit fault too.

[scaredofanythingreal]

I have so many words,

they come out of me like strings.

Like endless chains of thought...

They're chains I bind myself with,

if you stay with me, I'll bind you too.

I won't tell you to run for the hills, or to stay nearby.

I'll tell you what I see,

and you'll see what I do.

I don't expect you to understand my words,

I lost that battle long ago.

I lost my right to fight on my own battles.

Now my own battalion stands against me.

I'm the fugitive, they're the enemy.

Not one bows to the other, just to the art of war.

Now all that's left is blood..

and cold bodies of our dreams

with one crying cloud of peace.

If you stay with me,

the battle never goes away.

Trust me it gets tiring,

leaves me cold on the floor.

I try to pick myself up,

then I fail some more.

I become mean,

and question what I mean.

It's quite comical how frequently it happens.

Honesty, if I were you,

I would run for the hills and never look back.

[scaredofanythingreal]

You're running away

but you never leave.

I just hope to this day

you don't tease what's left of me.